Fell asleep on my first day in my very first project. When I woke up, I saw an email from our manager with the subject "No sleeping please.". No email body. 😂

Officially graduated with a bachelors in computer science.

YYEEESSS!!!!

Me: **posts 🔥rant**
Me: **gets flood of devRant notifs**
Coworker: "What push API are you testing?"

😉

Does anyone else have this?

When you flash something onto your android phones and the boot process afterwards takes very long and you start to get veeeeeery nervous 😅

I asked my mom if I can buy myself a raspberry pi for my birthday.
No matter what I show or say to her, she won't stop telling me to bake my own raspberry pie. ;-;

Dear people of Subway, just because i am using cmd, it doesnt mean i am
"Hacking your wifi network" and asking me to stop is rather unneccessary

Newbie telling me about the new Linux commands he was learning-
"So there's sudo.. It's like !important in CSS. Whenever something doesn't work normally, use sudo.
Me: 😵

At work today the guys showed me how I can listen in on calls so I can prepare myself for phone support.

We tested it through a call between two of the guys.

They started talking like "test test123 is this working"

I said yes and continued working behind my screen. They just didn't know I was still listening.

Both guys started saying stuff like "welcome to the sex hotline"
"hello and welcome to the *insert something sexual* hotline!"

One of the guys after a few minutes: why is your head so red?!

Wait.... Have you been listening along?? 😅

Yes 😂

*everyone bursts out in laughter*

The 2 states of a programmer:

1.- I'm the fucking master.

2.- I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.

* Can move from one to another quickly.

Everybody complains about SHA-1.
I'm so glad that I store passwords in plain text.

;-)

Ironically, Anonymous has made quite the name for themselves...

Client "Can you change your API? If a POST return 201 ours system crashes reading it"
Me "Your system WHAT?????"

My team: gets fired

8 other colleagues: here’s our notice, we leavin

Love it, they’re left with 4 devs so good luck finding people who know how to work in your 20 year old legacy that every app in ur company is built on lul

Heard a CEO say at a conference that they hire the most competent candidate. Unless there is a woman in the candidates. Then they hire the woman.
That seems pretty sexist to me.

Let's make a JavaScript framework and call it Vanilla.js just to fuck with everybody.

"Can we make all users computer freeze and allow only input on our website?"

"We" can shove a knife up your ass you fucking dipshit.

Happened a few weeks ago but still awesome.

Me and a good friend have a website together but we don't monitor it too much.
He studied with me in the same class but went towards frontend/apps where I chose backend/servers/security. He knows how to do basic Linux stuff but that's about it.

We were at a party when he noticed that our site was offline. Walked over to me (because I manage the server) to notify me so I could look into it said I'd look into it (phone):
*visits site: nothing*
*online dig tool: got the server ip*
*remembered this one didn't have pubkey authentication - after three passwords attempts I'm in*

"service apache2 status"
*service doesn't exist*
*right, migrated this one from Apache to nginx....*
"history"
*ah, an nginx restart probably suffices...*
"service nginx restart"

BAM, site is reachable again.

*god damnit, lets encrypt cert expired...*
"history"
*sees command with certbot and our domain both in one*
"!892"
*20 seconds later: success message*
*service nginx reload*

BAM, site works securely again.

"Yo mate, check the site again"

Mate: 😶 w-w-what? *checks site and his watch* you started less than two minutes ago...?
Me: yeah..?
Mate: 😶 now this is why YOU manage our server and I don't 😐

His face was fucking gold. It wasn't that difficult for me (I do this daily) but to him, I was a God at that moment.

Awesome moment 😊

I just realized that my music stopped three hours ago and I didn't notice until now.

My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java

*Manager enters the room quickly*

Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).

Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?

Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !

Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.

*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*

Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?

Manager: Sure, here it is.

Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.

Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks