A SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

I'm not an iOS expert, I just wanted to get Google ads on my iOS app so that I could make a few petty dollars at the expense of my users. Is that too much to ask?

I started by following Google's instructions: install cocoapods, copy and paste some swift code... Compile failed, app broke. Carefully retrace my steps. Nothing.

Stackoverflow (praise be with them) suggests upgrading Xcode. Go to app store and click to upgrade Xcode. No progress bar, no status updates, just that pissy little spinner for several minutes. I become impatient try a few more times. It ain't happening.

Stackoverflow (holy of holies, defender of the weak) points me to an alternate source for Xcode, on the app store dev console. 4GB and some time later, an attempt to unzip gives "unknown error". Genocide of sorts.

Stackoverflow (all that is pure, all that is kind, all... I think you get it) says upgrade your OS. I tried months ago but I had issues with that pissy little spinner. Persist. 5GB and a "heavy-year" of time later (sorry), it installs. Then Xcode installs. Then bar a few errors, the app compiles.

So after almost 24 hours, life resumes. The lesson.. respond to all obscure iOS errors by upgrading. If fully upgraded, calmly acquire a baseball bat and destroy your machine. Make sure you have a good book nearby in case of either event.

Thank you for reading my rant. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pay Apple
$150 so that I may list my app in the app store.

I deleted a production folder for a laugh. 😂

I don't get it, why would you put infinite scroll on a site that has useful links in the footer?

Son: Dad why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because your Mom loves roses! Son: Thanks dad!
Dad: No problem, vue.js

World's most dangerous addictions :

4) Cannabis

3) Methamphetamines

2) Heroin

1) Distro hopping

So this happened today.

Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?

😐

Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.

😐😩

If EA had developed their own Programming Language:
Iteration DLC ~20€
Condition DLC ~15€
Connectivity DLC ~12,99€
Gold Edition ~120€

Someone hacked into a teacher's school district email, sending random stuff to the juniors.

When the principal sent an email saying any help in catching the perpetrator would be appreciated, a bunch of people from my classes were staring at me throughout the day.

Programmer != hacker

I hope they don't report me, I didn't do it. :/

Q: What is the most used language in programming?

A: Profanity.

Case closed, stop arguing!

So this happened around 3 years ago in college.

Some software was missing on a random PC in college, so the professor asked this girl, to copy it to that PC since its the only one the setup file.

The solutions are many here, but what this girl did made me and 2 others ragequit the room.

She right clicked copy, unplugged the mouse, plugged in the other PC and tried clicking paste.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost broke my nose that day.

the eclipse "Dark" theme is brighter than my future

Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.

*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*

Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.

Dev: why should I develop windows phone apps. Almost nobody uses this kind of shit.

Customer: Why should I use a fucking windows phone. The windows app store is as empty as a ghost town.

I use a lot of dev tools, but one of my favorites is the Linux screen utility. It's awesome to be able to keep shit running on servers whether my laptop stays connected tot he server or not. It's great for jobs that take a long time, can't get interrupted, etc.

If you haven't used screen definitely give it a try!

How long will it take?
Me: 45mins

...5 hours later
I thought you said 45 minutes
Me: Yeah. 45 minutes from now.

Found this gem:

Software and cathedrals are much the same. First we build them, then we pray.

Got a phone call: I got an error, what do I do?
Me: what kind of error?
Her: I closed it.
Me: what did it say?
Her: I don't know, it was a window with "ok" and "cancel"
Me: why didn't you read it?
Her: I don't understand this computer language.

/me dies a little inside.
There is nothing quite as stupid as people who refuse to read their own language as soon as it appears on a screen.
They make those things for a reason.
This happens too often.

We just put a windows update screen on the new salesguy's computer.
He was so confused!

Detail: he runs Ubuntu as well :P

10 reasons to know binary:

1 computer class
10 nerdy jokes