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How I've decided to answer the "can you hack" question from here on in...
"Can you show me how to hack this account please?"
"Sure, you'll need a hammer, a blow torch, chloroform, some pliers and couple of bottles of really pure vodka!"
"What the hell?!"
"Oh, it's so much quicker to just extract a password from a person, than it is to break into a system, I'm not exactly trained in inflicting pain on the human body, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out through trial and error, good luck!"15 -
Friend: So you're a programmer? You must be good in hacking WiFis and sht.
Me: Uhm..
Friend: Can you hack my PayPal account using HTML?
Me: Say no more.
13 -
Had to create this table tent because mfs just couldn't take a hint. I also have one for when I'm concentrating/deep in code zone.
21 -
There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.
Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.
In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.
I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.
Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦♂️
I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.
He left class with a priceless look on his face.14 -
Little Hack
It annoys me whenever I encounter a website like quora which hides the real content with a overlay and a pop up to sign in. Little do they know I just delete the overlay element from the Dom 😁😁.
Who else does this?19 -
Website: "your ad blocker's on, consider adding us to your white list..."
Me: *inspect element*
Me: *Delete modal*
*Insert montage of me hacking into the mainframe for dramatic purposes*
I'm in. 😎21 -
I recently won a "Hack the Bank" competition where I had to hack an ATM and withdraw a large sum of money.
But what's funny, is that after the competition ended, the organizers installed Kali on the actual ATM.
19 -
I found this while I was lazily internetting and my first thought was 'okay, that's most definitely a hack!'.
Someone has actually built a hack for all the world to see!
19 -
When you are a coder and still go to school...
FAQ:
1. Can you hack?
2. Did you already hack the NSA?
3. Did you ever enter the darknet?19 -
At a party.
A: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a dev-
A: So you can like... hack things? Can you hack my insta?
ಠ_ಥ14 -
Friend: You are a computer engineer right?
Me: Yeah
*In my head: Dont ask me if I can hack someone's facebook account.
Friend: Can you hack steam and buy games for free??
FML 😑🔫11 -
*my lil cousin approaching
"So, are you a programmer?"
"Well, yea"
"Can you teach me how to hack facebook?"
"Sorry, but i cant hack facebook"
"You sucks"
:<16 -
Me: *Playing around with bash on Windows*
Friend: Can you hack my Facebook account?
Me: I already did...
*moments of awkward silence*4 -
I get depressed during times like this.
Me: *does a keyboard shortcut*
Friend: Woaw, are you good on computers?
Me: yea.
Friend: CAN YOU HACK?
Me: yea...
Friend: WHATS MY PASSWORD?
Me: I don't know your password.
Friend: You can't hack then.9 -
Boss : "just" hack the google AdWords and show our company ad everywhere on google search"
"Don't you know that everything can be hacked?"
Me : "Ok, first let me ***k you."
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I mean "let me hack you"9 -
"There is nothing more permanent than a temporary hack" - so true quote from the You Don't Know JavaScript book series3
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I hate how people think that to be a "hacker" or hacking is this special job title. lol. Hacking is just using something in a way in which it was not intended to be used.
So pretty much think ...anal sex.
There. Now many people are "hackers"6 -
I am doing a test on security on my server. I need people to hack it and report the findings.
My server IP is 127.0.0.19 -
Biggest terminal hack I've discovered till now which is so fucking obvious I can't believe I literally just started using it:
Executing the date command right before and after another command/series of commands to see how long shit takes.
$ date; command or commands; date
This is incredibly useful when rendering loads of data in screen sessions!
I actually feel rather retarded for only thinking of this now.17 -
A friend of mine once went into a library and opened a cmd on one of the computers, to run a little batch rename script on his usb stick. 5 minutes later he got kicked out because they though he was hacking the computer 😅4
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Don't put a hack and leave comments like "// HACK: Remove this later". It's gonna stay there forever. Trust me. Do clean codes from the start!2
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This happened a few years ago:
Cousin: So one of my friends is going to teach me how to hack.
Me: Oh so you know something about programming?
Cousin: No, I'm going to learn how to hack first, because that's way more awesome.4 -
Friend: "You're a hacker, right?"
Me: "If you prefer to name it like that, yes"
Friend: "So... Could you hack a phone for me and get all images on it?"
Me: "Who are you again?"3 -
Person: Can you hack this person for me?
Me: I don't know how to hack.
Person: C'mon please? I heard you were good with computers.
My face as said person says that: 😑2 -
Got called up today by my org's cyber security team.
Reason: Installed a font called "Hack" (https://github.com/source-foundry/...)
🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️1 -
Just got a call from an Indian scammer. He did the whole press Win + R shabang and I did what he said but the run box didn't appear (maybe cause I'm on a mac) I tried a few more times and then had a moment of enlightenment, I have a mac so that must be why the shortcut isn't working. He then goes on a rant saying everything is fine because he is the best technician and he can fix my mac too. He threatens to hack me and get my name and hack my computer but then goes straight back to his script and asks me to open my browser. I'm asked to go to a website which he mumbles so I don't understand and ask him to spell it for me. This of course is unacceptable and he goes no just type whatever you feel like typing, immediately changing his mind to xvideos.com instead. I say I can't visit the site since I am at work and he goes straight into trying to recruit me. Promises of infinite money and all I could ever wish for. Then he says I should work for him and he would pay me to watch porn which I politely decline. The final interaction was me letting him know I need to get back to work and to tell his call center buddies to never call me. He got super mad at me for accusing him of working at a call center whilst you can hear other calls in the background. 10/10 interaction.6
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I like playing tf2.
I play every video game with max brightness on the lappy.
The problem is that when I alt tab back to anything else, eg chrome, I get dazzled and my eyes hurt.
I'm on linux and accidentally noticed that I can connect to the X server and do stuff.
So I'm listening for events with the PropertyChangeMask, and when the active window has the name "Team Fortress 2 - OpenGL", I run "light -S 100", otherwise I use what I already had.
Very happy with this hack, instant brightness changes on alt tab. -
The best hack in history is surely the one from the mystic "bitchchecker":
https://ubuntuforums.org/showthread... (too long to paste here)
He's a true master6 -
That moment when your friends think that you're going to hack someone's account during a hackathon.😞
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Guys, please help me answer this intellectual being. The more stupid the answer, the better. Even better is if there is like a fake loooooonnnngggg step by step guide of it. NB: tafadhali == please.
21 -
Somebody added me in a Flat Earthers' group in facebook, and they all say the nastiest things about NASA. One of them showed this image :/ Like you could really hack NASA with HTML CSS :/
12 -
If someone asks me how to hack software, I answer:
'Well, basically it's just like searching for open doors of a unknown house you want to get in.' 😎
Usually the answer disappoints everyone. Then I add:
'Why so surprised? Would you leave your main door open, if you want to store something securely in your house?'
I love those disappointed faces from time to time. 😋1 -
me: “Realistically, the only way to pull in this data without replicating and without an API feed is to scrape it from the site”
manager -> to the client: “basically he’s got to hack your system to do it”2 -
2007 - Hey you, can you hack my gf's facebook account?
2017 - Eh! Can you hack my boss's Bitcoin account? 50-50 deal :-) -
When you watch the new Jason Bourne and see people from CIA hacking a laptop from an Old cellular with a "shell code", or other people saying "use SQL to hack the database"3
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WHYYY is LDAP so god damn convoluted??!?
I love the idea of it, but in practice, everything is just a hack on top of hack on top of hack going as far back as the 90s.3 -
Your favourite comment?
My team was working on a legacy system, one part of it is an assistant, sadly required as global variables.
Being a non-english-first-language company, some dev years ago thought shortening said assistant to "ass" would be a wise idea - less to type, right?
When we redid the application 2016 part-by-part, our code needed to define 3-4 global variables starting with the "ass" prefix for the legacy parts to work. The colleague who was tasked with this is a fine gentleman from England.
Later as I read through the commit, I found 5 lines of code following 20 lines of comments explaining and deeply apologizing for "ass", "ass_open", etc.
The same dev also had a "HACK OF THE YEAR" comment he moved around when time constraints made a less-than-optimal fix necessary which was worse than the last "highscore".1 -
Am I the only one that loses some, if not all, motivation when they can't figure out a way of overcoming a problem that doesn't involve a nauseating hack?3
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Infiltration chip
https://bloomberg.com/news/...
Damn of we can't trust anymore, even banks went under the attack!6 -
A coworkers shameless hack. Our services have a bug being investigated that cause the server eventually to fail.
The hack? Reset the connections of every user every 6 hours and restart the servers.
-_-3 -
Stranger: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer.
Stranger: ..can you hack my Facebook account?9 -
As the news that hackers have kept new "pirates of the Caribbean" on hold, this kind of comment reassures the trust or acts as reverse psychology to pay up.
Any ways they have got better customer service than any other big corporates
1 -
My grandmother think I'm a hacker and i can hack banks, police and state department systems.
Her friends think I can start WWIII while i can hack military systems (think nuclear weapons) ...
I feel bad for them.1 -
Friend asks you to hack another friend's Instagram "cause you know how to code, right" == bad.
Friend asks you to hack their own Instagram cause they forgot their password == bad++1 -
My power switch stopped working, so I took this up as a quick early morning project.
There is always a fucking way!
5 -
A colleague had to show up for a demo in 10 minutes, and urgently needed to fix some CSS.
I told her the right way would take more than 10 minutes. The quick and dirty way was to add an `!important`.
I made her write a comment:
`// TODO: Fix this hack made for the demo dated blah blah`4 -
Definitely worth to watch , Hollywood Hack vs Real Hack , super hilarious, 3min. https://youtu.be/ThBpRBpyxLI3
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What's the most complex programming task you ever had to solve? Or: A "hack"* of a framework/API you came up with to make something work?
*undocumented or unintended use3 -
Every TV show/movie with a hacking scene....
Person trying to hack: I'm unable to get through their firewall.
Boss : Then hack HARDER.
Hacker: Thanks for the advice boss! I'm in! -
She : Oh you write code ? Can you hack someone's computer ?
Me : Ya I can show hack google right now....
*types*
sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get upgrade
*feels like a hacker * 😎2 -
Friend: "Oh so can you like... hack into people's computers and stuff?"
Me: "Yeah, if they just give me their password, I can hack in easily!"6 -
My hacktoberfest t-shirt was delivered yesterday and so I wore it today.
People asked me if it had something to do with minced meat because of the German word 'hackfleisch'.1 -
Joy is when you learn that long press on microphone button on your earphone changes the track..
No more need to Everytime unlock the phone to change the track..1 -
My productivity hack? I code in the shower and use a water whiteboard. I have to be up very early and feel the most clear headed right when I wake up.
If I'm stumped on something, I can usually tackle it from a new perspective. For the most part it works out. Other then the occasional profanity if I accidentally erase something and the sometimes longer than usual showers, my wife doesn't mind. Usually because it's 5 in the morning and when she takes a shower there is this scribble that she tries to decode!1 -
Studying on computer science has its cons mainly when every other student thinks we can hack Facebook and wifi. Computer science==hacking.1
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My mans literally just wrote "Our company was under a hack attack" in an email.
What a time to be alive.10 -
So I just realised that one of the old GUI used in our old machine that has generated billions of dollars is just a massive popup :/
Talking about hacks...2 -
Found this comment in a class I visited today after a few months of writing it.
//todo: Fix this fucking POS hack
I have no idea what POS refers to anymore. FML.4 -
Entered into my friends phone using safe mode to unlock his phone.(he usually trusts 3rd party app lockers)1
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That feeling when you've been programming, scripting and developing games, software and web pages for nearly a decade and you still feel like a talentless hack that doesn't deserve the wages you are paid, and constantly fear being exposed as a fraud by your peers... :x6
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Going through a startup code
...
// TODO: implement!
...
// FIXME: this is so messed up
...
...
// HACK: works for now, find a better way
...
// HACK: hardcoded for now
...
// FIXME: this doesn't work, crash here
...
...
// TODO: this probably should be a separate class
...
// TODO: change messed up variable names
...
// FIXME: WTF is this, Dave?!
...
...
// TODO: remove this before release2 -
Home hack
Made a stylus with Reynolds butterflow and ear bud.
Just have to slightly moisten the ear bud.
And have to maintain contact with the silver part of the nib cover.
4 -
Finally got to catch up on last week's episode of Mr. Robot...I must say, Elliott got my mind messed up with all those illusions. O.o2
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Y'know what's the worst part about all the internet censorship and cyber surveillance? The fact that no one notices it
11 -
An old friend just texted me and asked me to hack Facebook. Again.
FUCK OFF. I'm not a fucking work-horse, I'm not a slave, and I'm not fucking with something as meaningless and stupid as FB.
Go hack your way into his neck with an axe if you want to, I'll even help, but fuck messing with their social life. Go for the disease, not the symptoms.4 -
What bothers me most with the Matrix hack is that so many people say oh look the secure messenger got hacked. From what I can tell it had nothing to do with their software nor their protocol. If you're running your own Homeserver you're totally unaffected.1
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My 7yo used the guest account on my galaxy tab s2 to get youtube access and search for "pistol". I cought him by the sounds of it... I confiscated it, and told him of the danger, but ++'d him for the " hack"... Guess I should be embarrassed by leaving the guest account available. :S1
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Year ago in university.
We opened our university's website and select inspect element in browser then edit the header tag to "hacked by..."
My friends and i : hey look, we just hacked university website.
Our friend : oh let me see, damn you, how did u do that?
Our : it was easy, just don't tell anybody. He answered ok.
After couple days our proffesor asked me : do you know who hacked university website? I want to know if anyone could hack it.
I answered: no sir. I don't know.
I think our friend still thinks we hacked the website xD -
Is it a good idea to hack the website of my previous condescending and irrational boss? and do social media attacks on their online pages as well?9
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Is there anywhere to start with cracking/hacking? I don't have friends because the "friends" always want to feel superior towards me and I just wanna shove some shit up their asses.12
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I fucking hate css. This animation is a fucking dirty hack on top of a dirty hack on top of a selector that looks like regex that only works in chrome
Fuck me8 -
I start cmd to create a WiFi hotspot from my laptop...
Friend finds me in the process.."Damn that means you can hack WiFi and stuff... I've got this guy whom I'd like you to hack his Facebook account.."
Ohh...the misery -
Enter one word in terminal and hack fucking government's, CIA's, NSA's, websites, database and servers, just like hackers in movies do.
If I failed to achieve this, would love to hack Sony's website and post a message on all their websites
"We make terrible mobile phone" -
I understand the muggles on Facebook saying it was Apple and Amazon that were hacked, but here on devrant where people know WTF is up, I'm still not seeing people say where the hack actually took place, and what makes the news truly terrifying: SMC.4
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That annoying situation when your fellow German school comrades and your programming teacher misspell GUI and Hack.
Instead of JEE-YOU-EYE they spell it as if it is a single word "gui". Instead of the normal way of spelling hack, they pronounce the a in the word hack weirdly. Take the pronunciation of Hackfleisch for example. Cut this word into two words. "Hack" and "Fleisch". Keep "Hack" and throw "Fleisch" away.
And there you go. That's how they spell fucking Hack.
If you take an English word or even an abbreviation, let it be fucking English and not German, you fucking retards!30 -
lets say I have managed to hack over 100 PCs (not powerful , all in the same building)
what kind of things should I do to them ?
*mining bitcoin is out - those computers are really bad*6 -
Hacky code post:
property var value: if(editing || !editing) function(othervalue)
I am coding in a property system that only updates an expression if a variable involved emits a signal. Well the function won't get called unless I change a value. I also want to "value" to be updated when editing changes. I also want it to update even if editing doesn't change. So the or-ing of the state of editing.
The result is the function gets called when object is initialized. Then when the editing flag changes it gets updated again. The workaround of doing this is much worse and requires more hacky code. So I am resigned myself to just or-negating the editing value.10 -
So the other day i was so bored and decided to try to hack a wifi. When i finally got the handshake (took 2-3 hours) I copied it to a pendrive for later cracking. When I rebooted my pc and checked the drive, it was empty.1
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I feel like if the world had been on devRant then the hack wouldn't have taken place because of the amount of people complaining about fucking Windows!2
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While competing on typing speed with a friend I'd wait for him to finish and edit the wpm value on the html before sending him a screenshot of _my speed_. He rage quit after we got till 120 lol2
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My team is in charge of an old and huge monolith. Many times we have to write dirty hacks because otherwise we would need to rewrite lots of things just to make even 1 tiny addition.
- When my supervisor makes a hack: "yeah I know it's bad, but it's a shortcut that should temporarily satisfy the business now, we'll fix it later hahaha"
- When I make a hack: "it's a hack, can you not do that?"1 -
//Met an old friend
So I heard you're a programmer now. I need some help from you.
*write something on paper
HACK this fb account unless you are a big fat phony.6 -
When you spent the whole day on devrant and you boss is coming to the office.
Go to this website: http://hackertyper.net/ -
My personal highlight this year. We used an old backend technology, which required the use of the old Java Date classes, because changing the model was not possible any longer (end of life modelling tools). So we had to fall back to those kinds of hacks.
4 -
The company I work in recently made a subdomain where you need to figure out how to hack the page using a vulnerability they subtly put there. If u are successful u get an interview. I looked it over for fun and was able to do it. But since i already work there i was thinking of telling a friend id love to join us but was rejected a month ago when they interviewed him about how i did it so he can apply maybe they give him another chance. do you think I should do that?
Note that i referred him last month and hes a fresh grad with not much experience3 -
Productivity Hack: I'm a java developer who decided to write a productivity app that integrates to-do, pomodoro and eisenhower matrix altogether with reports generation. this will also help me logging at work. I'm also using electron + angular2 + typescript, just because, well, I'm trying to learn new stuff.
Long story short, many many many many days later, i'm still waiting for that productivity boost. What is dis webpack? Wat u mean loaders? Wat promises? electron-prebuilt is now electron? Wat u mean npm and node should be updated? .....
Please send help1 -
Because of cache split brain issue I have to invalidate cache every 5min. I've said to lead dev about this hack and we both agree to solve it asap.
This was 3 months ago...
Temporary fix becomes production solution. And it only took me 10min to add cron entry to every prod srv.
So productive!
Btw you should see users faces when page referesh changes page completely because of load balancing xD)1 -
When the pen testers find a "vulnerability" and say it would be very difficult for someone to exploit it. Yeah, in that case they might as well say if you solve p vs np you can break it but it would be very difficult.
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"Don't google this" 4 devs:
(Quine technology for the service of the evil)
Don't google "ken thompson hack"
I'll have nightmares
Ps: i you are sure youve seen this before, it had a typo, n i couldn't modify it -
Started collaborating on a friend's project.
Just pulled a crazy stupid hack just to get it to work as intended.
<input type="text" name="page" value="somepage" style="display:none">
My friend and I are still loling at this.7 -
I wish it was as easy as:
> hack FBI
Cannot hack, root privileges needed
> sudo hack FBI
Hacking...2 -
VSCode doesn't (seem to) have the option to target specific sourcemaps, and ParcelJS doesn't have the option to specify the names of sourcemaps.
This fucks me over pretty hard since vscodes debugger expects the sourcemap to end in .js.map, but parcel gives me just .map. If the sourcemap doesn't end with .js.map vscode will just open the debug control panel pop up thing, wait a few seconds, and then close it again.
This has given me a new permanent temporary hack :v
https://github.com/inabahare/lewd2/...2 -
Super secret coding hack:
Hire someone on upwork to do it for you.
Hire another person to see if it can be improved or done better.
Learn by example from experts.11 -
Do you have an issue with Equifax hiring a Chief Security Officer having a music degree or do you think that it has nothing to do with her competency and it shouldn't be brought up as an issue after this hack.. Go!!4
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My first #hack is that I once opened my friends account on my computer using the Google recovery question which he kept as his favorite sport . Once in I changed the password and informed him that his account was hacked..lol you should see his face .later I told him he put his recovery question to be hard to be guessed ....lol I think he learnt the lesson the hard way...well after that I got to know about internet ethical rules and there ends the matter
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Classiflying hack tools as virus on windows defender or whatever puts in risk users that want to hack some device but have to disable user defender to use them (and could potentially download malicious software bundled together or inside the hack tool)3
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Just discovered someone I told about a hack for the computers in school (nothing difficult just booting from a USB) had a link to C2K the company that provides the system and told them about it and now they've patched it up, so in a way, it's my first security vulnerability report, in another way, I can no longer play games and program in free
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Recently my Youtube channel got some automatic upload on some game hack tricks
:( WTF
I thought google is the most secure thing :(5 -
Are we discussing anything about Pegasus and how it can infiltrate any device with just a missed call?1
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