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Heard a conversation between my colleague and the boss
Boss: (saw my colleague's messy desk) hey, could you organize your desk? It's not nice to see when clients come in. You know what they say, messy desk represents a messy brain..
Colleague: (glanced over to the boss' empty desk) and what does an empty desk say for the brain?12 -
Wait. Say what Google Chrome? I can't use the .zip extension? Instead I have to use the .zip extension? What?
13 -
When someone tells you they're a programmer and you ask them what language they use and they say,
English.
2 -
I want to say sorry to my fellow devs for what I've done today.
I've opened the second page of google search results :(5 -
Someone donated to me today for one of my open source projects.
I don't even know what to say. Thank you 🙏3 -
Saw a guy asking on LinkedIn for PHP frameworks. He was currently using notepad++ as framework.
Say what... 🤓13 -
Why am I able to write a quick search algorithm in JavaScript but am not able to talk to girls?
Shouldn't the second one be easier than the first one?
Shouldn't every human being be able to do the first one?298 -
"The client has no idea what they want, just throw your best guess out there and let's see what they say" -- best project manager in the world2
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People who say "hi" on slack and then take 50 years to say what they actually want to say.
People who sit on the table beside yours to play games on their phones.
People who call you dad.
People.11 -
!dev
Train operator: "Dear Valued Passanger: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DOOR OR LEAVE MY TRAIN."
At least it was what he'd like to say, based on his voice :/3 -
Heard this recently:
JS always make me wanna say Fuck this shit! But I can never be sure what this refers to!4 -
If you get the "What's your greatest weakness" question make sure to answer "honesty". That way when they say "I don't think honesty is a weakness", you say, "I don't care what you think."1
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*offering sweets to a fellow at work
Colleague: Oh I'm a diabetic but What you've got here aaaaaa.....
My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Me: Oh come-on already One small piece won't kill you11 -
!rant
I just started to use Fira Code as my main font because another awesome user recommended it and I must say, this shit is beautiful. This is what I love about this community. I learn more and get to know more cool shit because of what users say in here than the 5 years I spent at uni. You ninjas rock!6 -
Sometimes when people ask what I do for I living I say: talks to machines.
Thats what we do, we know the langauage to tell the machines what to do, how cool isnt that??8 -
Oh yeah, that's an awesome 404 page, what do you guys say?
P.S. - Page is not developed by me, it's MailChimp
2 -
When somebody says they know how to program and I ask them what languages they know and they say XML, CSS, HTML.16
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When I say I'm coding, what I *actually* mean is screw around with my .vimrc and color scheme for 6 hours.2
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When someone asks you "how much do you charge to make a mobile app?" But never say what the app does!!6
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hey everyone, I'm new to Dev rant. not quite sure what to say. so i guess I'll just observe.
cheers3 -
Just set a cron on a coworkers machine to play "What does the fox say" at max volume at 8 when he's the only one here.
May need to review the security footage in the morning.2 -
this.isRant === True
Salute to everyone who can handle clients (the dumb ones).
So the client I'm freelancing for gives me this website and asks me to scrape entries out of it. It had about 45 items. I did that sent the file. Next day he says my file had the wrong data. He wanted data which satisfies X but the URL given was for Y. The least he could have done was to let me know in the first place instead of giving random URL to scrape and then blame me.2 -
developer: hey, want to hear a joke?
manager: sure
dev: what did the developer say to their manager after doing flaming shots in the server room and accidentally setting fire to all their systems?
manager: i don't know, what did they say?
dev: "hey, want to hear a joke?"3 -
Of course we can accomplish in a week what couldn't be done in 6 months just because you say it's a hard deadline.2
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In acting you don't say "good luck" but instead "break a leg". If coders were superstitious, what would our equivalent be?21
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Interviewer: what would you say your biggest accomplishments to date are?
Me: ............*thinking* I made that kick-ass sandwich that one time!1 -
What do programmer jehova's witnesses say door to door?
.
Would you like to hear about our great savior linux?3 -
Me: So, tell me more about what you want me to code.
Friend: Well... Do something nice.
Me: Like?
Friend: I don't know, I thought you're the expert...
Me: You motherf...1 -
Every time I look at some code and say "what the hell?!" the code refactors itself before my very eyes.2
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Local time: 10:45 AM
I get a call from a customer. "My computer isn't working," she says. "I can't get to Google."
"What does it say?" Ideas swirl through my mind as I ask the question. I've seen this problem before.
"'Your connection is not private,'" says she. "I just want to buy a program."
I instantly know what the problem is.
"What time does your computer say it is?" I say it calmly, almost with a knowing smile. Yes, this has to be the issue.
"Um... 1:40," she says, a drip of confusion in her voice.
"That's your problem," I say. "Just fix that and you'll be good to go."
The problem was resolved and all was good.8 -
When someone asks me what is programming, I usually say:
— That's something like assembling Lego, but you also get paid for it.3 -
I was noticing some slow network and it was dropping some connections. So I booted up my old XP install with Java 6 so connect to the ASA 5505, I see it’s logging max connections of 10000 has been reached.
Fine, I recon it’s my colleague backing up his entire machine to Google Drive.
Because when he shut it off, n connections dropped.
I check back in the log, and I see there’s 4-500 connections happening per second, I think WTF and check the source IP. Lots of random IPs from Vietnam, all going to a Windows2008 Server using rdp.
(I didn’t setup our servers, so I didn’t know which server it was accessing)
Ask my other colleague, he told me it’s a windows server from an earlier project that’s not used anymore.
I rdp into it, see there’s users logged in from around the world, and I immediately do a shutdown.
Would you look at that, connections per second dropped to about 50.
I guess that server isn’t going back online ever.
And I now need to ask management for a budget to update our network infrastructure, because the old ASA 5505 is begging me to die.
TL;DR gg previous employees didn’t shut down old servers and left them open to the world to enjoy9 -
I fucking hate it when customer changes things in the last minute.
"It's a small change", they say. "It shouldn't take you too long", they say.
You know what? Fuck you.7 -
What if Brian Kernighan was just trying to say "Hell O world" and we misinterpreted as hello world
(¬ω¬)1 -
Fun drinking game: work on a legacy system for a few hours. Every time you say "what the fuck?" equals 1 shot.3
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After looking at @linuxxx and @AlexDeLarge 's rants with the face reveal, maybe we ought to do one of the team behind the masterpiece, @trogus and @dfox face reveal.
IF they are comfortable with it.
Or maybe do it on a special occasion. Like an anniversary or something?14 -
I just discovered this editor. It's kinda cool :)
Have you ranters used it? What do you have to say about it?
31 -
Manager: let's use elasticsearch for performing relational queries. PostgreSQL performance is not great.
Me: Say what? 👿4 -
What profession would you say is most like software development? I'd love to be able to give people an idea of what I do, without making it sound like witchcraft...10
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`This is not over......................Young man...`
Is what I say to my IDE everyday before heading home1 -
What was your first real program or website or app developed by you?
(PLEASE DON'T SAY HELLO WORLD)33 -
It is true what they say; Designers are from Omicron Persei 7, Developers are from Omicron Persei 9.
2 -
bugfixing quiz:
What is wrong in that Java code:
I would say that happens when developers frequently switch between Java and JavaScript
3 -
What happens when I say "uhm... and what if I remove this two little lines of code?"
Ctrlzctrlzctrlz
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kimchy ≒ kimchi (????)
Kimchi : A traditional fermented Korean dish made of vegetables with varied seasonings.
I wonder what Elasticsearch meant to say. LOL
6 -
That moment when you realize that writing “that moment when...” is because you’re too passive and insecure to just say what you really want to say...7
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What I say:
I understand computers.
What others understand:
I am the god of Computers I understand every Language that ist out There and what I cant solve is impossible...1 -
So...Microsoft is releasing a Linux based IoT OS. What does devRant community has to say about it?9
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Say what you want about Microsoft, but I'm working on a WPF app right now and they write some damn good documentation3
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Say what you want about imposter syndrome - I just realized why I'm cut out for this line of work.
My intelligence is artificial. -
"Code monkey not say it out loud. Code monkey not crazy just proud."
-Jonathan Coulton
Regarding many of my rants and, I would suspect, many rants on here. -
Client: "I've started as a software developer too" *chuckling* "so I understand EXACTLY what you say... But could you just explain me what do you mean with 'legacy code' ?"
Me: :|2 -
Project manager asked me to directly communicate with our client.
BUT, he told me what to say and what not to say.
BULLSHIT! All of these business "etiquettes" and formalities are just a waste of time for both the clients and us.
If only I could, I would simply cut all these nonsense and just communicate honestly.2 -
Be who you are and say what you will, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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Boss always asks how long it will takes to fix a production bug. I just say 2 hours no matter what.1
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Sitting and making mobile phones do what i want. When i tell them what i really do they just say:"I don't any word you say, but i think it's good!" 🤔
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Having Technical Product Managers who say "it doesn't work, I dont know what, but do your job and find out."
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From what Linus Torvalds say, seems like Intel isn't willing to fix Spectre 😕
http://lkml.iu.edu/hypermail/linux/...1 -
Well... Ehm, wow. It's Maintenence Weekend... and I really don't know what to say...
It's simply a prick. -
It's a bit late but what do these specs mean?
The f and the 16/20.
I thought I was getting 20mp but all the camera apps say maz is 16.
And for RAWS, dinner say 13, OpenCamera says 16.
9 -
@dfox why do some of the older rants display the date on the rant but then the comments are older than the rant itself (for example, the rant say 22/09 - or 09/22 to you - and the comments say 16-09. But most of the comments I see say 16-09). What did you guys mess up 😛2
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Way of wasting time:
generating csv and importing in Open Office Calc, mysteriously what should be ",-," shows as "-0".
I thought some strange fucking time function was responsible of generating a "0" after my "-", until I discovered that for some fucking reason, Open Office Calc decides to add the fucking "0" by itself.
And they say that computer do what they are told to. I just said to import a fucking "-", it's called "Minus". do you fucking understand Calc?
Back to something useful.1 -
This indicates what I often ask myself when posting a rant.. but could be used for example for feature requests, too. 😋
The song is quite horribly though.. was kind of a running gag during my studies. A friend reminded me of it a couple of days ago and my mind directly associated it with @dfox 😛
3 -
what would you guys say is the archetypal functional language, the one we should pick to learn functional programming?3
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My first CS teacher had a really thick accent and it took us 4 months to understand what an "reg-ister" was (obviously typing doesn't do it justice, let's say normally you would say "regi-ster") The only way we figured out what he was saying was one day he said "Let's take reg-ister" and then took role call.
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what I am doing is reading mathematics as people say developer needs good concept of mathematics
poor me 😂😂😂😂3 -
!dev
Got a feeling there's plenty on here that relax with the vidya.. what say we start a clan? Any takers?2 -
What did the CS student say when he totally killed his web API class and got an A?
"REST easy now."1 -
Damn CORS! Spent 4hrs googling! Alas! I can move forward. Because of that I can say I understand what cors for.
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When teaching JS, what would you say were the 5 most important base methods or properties such as 'length' or 'charAt()' ?7
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This is a Shark Tank related question. I've seen some investors say "I lost money investing in this business or that business" and I'm curious what happens after that.
Let's say I gave you 10% of equity for $1 million and my business didn't make it.
Or I partied too much and blew it all.
What would happen to me then?11 -
When my friend asks me, what language I use (javascript) only to say, that he saw a java position yesterday, am I interested.2
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What I want to say to this client: You are the reason I am secretly looking for a new job.
What I say/email to them instead: I'll review the changes that were made and make some tweaks to see if it helps relieve the issues you are experiencing. -
If anyone has ANYTHING to say about the language C plz do i want to know what the dev community thinks?5
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Say what you will about javascript... but if it weren't for javascript, I wouldn't have all my money and upgrades safe with xena.defender.
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What I love about windows is that it's not forcing people to say it's perfect.
Unlike some other OSes. :)12 -
What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.
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Couldn't think of anything to say so what the hell!
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry.1 -
Say what you will about Windows 10, they know what they're doing; error messages never sounded this harmless before.
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What would you say are good sites to write articles (such as for describing small projects/hacks) on nowadays? I’m thinking what is in now, Medium, Hackernoon?2
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Apparently you're expected to say the opposite of what you mean using incorrect pronouns to make things better4
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I saw an article that stated that Java is the most used programming language... NICE SENSE OF HUMOR...what can I say.6
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Well, it's 9 in the mourning... weekend. I'm going to code my own android app all day. What should I do, what should I say to myself, to edcape procrastination?3
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That's what you get for using windows, NS. I wish that I could say it's the first error I see in your screens.
5
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