The freelancer...
We are looking for someone to design a logo with no less than 2 years Javascript, 10 years Intel IO low level engineering in assembly, 2 months pascal, 14 weeks of HTML5, 17.23567 years of ASCII C, and you must have a half pint of strawberry ice cream in your freezer. $20.00 firm.

That's pretty accurate, I once tried to apply for a jor that listed 10 years of experience with Angular 2 as a requirement and they did not understand me when I asked them why are they looking a for a time traveller

@D3add3d They expect the perfect developer to magically pop up! Then 10 more that meet these precise expectations to follow to create a bid war

They want a perfect developer who can do their job for free, teach them how to use that software, solve any bugs that comes in future, available for support all the time, never gets angry, answer all their stupid questions, say yes to every stupid requirement.
Ok I am tired of typing, someone else please add up.

@py2js and also a developer that will replace the entire company except CEO

You forgot maximum age of 24