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  • 8
    Finally got paid (apparently they sent my money to the wrong account lmao).

    So I bought:

    - A Guitar Rig Kontrol 3. It's an old hardware designed for some specific soft, but it contains a soundcard, 8 foot switches, one expression pedals (continuus), 2 other expression pedals input, 2 audio input, 2 audio output. So I'll be able to plug my guitar and control FX from there. All of this for 50 euros at the pawn shop

    Being a programmer helped me tremendously for electronic music because I can write actual drivers for old hardware.

    - I also found an old bike on the street. Brakes and transmission, seat and tyres are fucked, but the frame and wheels seems healthy enough. I can get a decent bike for the price of parts and labour.
    rant
    6
  • 8
    Modern smartphones: "Powerful", "marvelous", but corporate overlords dictate what you actually get to do with it.

    They lock your bootloader and prevent you from installing third-party operating systems.[1] Now they are starting to block third-party app installation only in certain situations, but this will sure as hell escalate.[2]

    They block you from using the MicroSD card properly or take away the memory card slot entirely, decide what you are allowed to screenshot[3], and they lock your user data (like browsing history and saved pages) away from yourself to "protect you" from imagined evils. But this "protection" is actually the curse.

    They also refuse to implement features people ask for like always starting with the rear camera regardless of the last used camera[4] and let the user backed up saved pages[5]. Something as simple as turning the flashlight on and off while recording a video took over a decade for Samsung to implement when shouldn't have taken a single afternoon.

    ----

    Sources:

    [1] Xiaomi prevents unlocking the bootloader but graciously allows it seven days after purchase. I believe that as the buyer, you should be able to install any operating system you like.
    [2] (added through edit, hence last) Since Android 16, Google blocks APK installations during phone calls, supposedly to protect against scammers. But if history teaches us anything, it means this will quickly escalate and end with APKs being blocked completely or only installable through ADB, which requires an external computer and a USB cable.
    [3] Google and Apple let app developers block users from taking screenshots. This is, for example, used by WhatsApp to prevent screenshots of profile pictures, even though everyone knows one should not put something in a visible spot on the Internet that one does not wish to be preserved. I believe people should have the freedom to screenshot anything that appears on their screen, like desktop operating systems (Windows and Linux) do. The buyer deserves to have the final say on a device they paid for.
    [4] https://r1.community.samsung.com/t5...
    [5] https://forum.developer.samsung.com/...
    rant modernism
    34
  • 7
    Am I in a toxic work environment or not?

    1. I suggested implementing some code guidelines for our team so we can all work the same way. Lead architect sends me a DM telling me to stop talking about it until after projectX is done because it might stress out other devs. Friday he talks about how important it is to use standardised tools and ways of doing things.
    2. Spent a week working on a bug fix and they said solution is good, but then invalidated all of my work by DM-ing me saying it's unusable because i worked on wrong branch and he quickly fixed it over the weekend and I should just copy his (inefficient) code.
    3. I ask him a basic question of what version the backend software is using and he doesn't even respond. I ask another team member who quickly helps me check. it would have taken 1 fucking integer to answer that question. i wanted to learn the backend stack, but not so much anymore.
    4. Lead doesn't respond to project management software ticket mentions.
    5. Lead randomly makes hotfixes to the QA server without prior notice so the backend randomly goes down at times during work hours and then my local copy of the front end stops working for no reason at all when I am trying to focus on bug fixes
    6. UX/UI designer's screen designs look completely different than the actual app, so I spent weeks implementing a feature looking like his nice designs, then having to change it again, taking another week.
    7. Generally poor comms
    8. Leadership mentioned jobs are safe, then 2 months later retrenched a bunch of people.
    9. People getting sick all of the time.
    10. Nobody gives a shit about technical debt
    rant toxic
    22
  • 8
    There is nothing easier than running an insurance company in the US of A. When a big request comes in from a client in distress that got into a terrible accident that is definitely covered by their (very expensive) plan, you just go to the data bank like Equifax and see if they're still rich enough to win a lawsuit against you should you refuse to pay.

    For those of you who don't know what a data bank is: data banks are companies that buy/scrape/suck in every last bit of data they can about every person in the country, and then resell it through their fancy UI with all the convenient features and metrics.

    So, Umbrella Insurance Co. goes to Equifax and asks whether Joe Schmoe's accident is severe and life-ruining enough that they won't be able to sue us. Exuifax says: let's see... Joe's Revolut©™ account has the grand total of $80.12, with $7,382.25 recently spent on medical bills. Joe's WhatsApp©™ (a Meta©™ company) classifies their recent messages as "desperate". Joe's iPhone©™ Screen Time©™ is increased, and Joe is doomscrolling a lot, especially on The Washington Post©™ (a Jeff Bezos company). All signs show that if you don't pay them, they won't be able to out-sue you. That would be $0.12, thanks!

    As a person who is no one in particular that may or may not have been a US of A's supreme court judge once said, "sometimes it's not about justice, but about making the sucker spend all their money".
    random
    22
  • 7
    I have almost 8 years of experience, am currently a tech lead in the company im at (a big known music and video streaming platform), i live and breathe tech...

    and someone i interviewed for (in a 4 year old fintech startup) wants to put me in a mid level position because he "felt i lacked depth". apart from his feelings he failed to make me understand how I'm not senior enough for him.

    so how do i become deep? what is this depth he speaks of?
    rant job offer interview lowballing
    15
  • 8
    I've finally put two and two together about my mother and why she acted the way she did with me my whole life.

    Since four years old, she told me again and again that I will be a programmer and "earn as much as Bill Gates". Then, in fifth grade, without asking me, she made me take regular programming classes I was really bad at. Then, again without asking me, she sent me to an experimental, highly intensive CS learning program in my uni that accepted kids two years before they finish the high school to throw a metric ton of math, C and hardware design at them. After a year there, I completely lost the ability to enjoy videogames (at 15 years old). By the end of the program (four years), I started experiencing bipolar symptoms.

    Then, at the age of 19, she insisted that I take the first draft order and join the army. The military service in russia is mandatory, and it's notorious for breaking people no worse than russian prison does. Knowing that I'm weird and autistic (I was stacking things as a kid), and knowing that the army _loves_ breaking weird people to keep them in line, she just wanted to break me. For context, draft orders are sent out en masse, and everybody dodges them with no repercussions. When they're 28, they just pay a small "fee" (a bribe) to get the military id. You can't be conscripted after you're 28.

    I don't know my father. I have a stepdad though. My mother and my stepdad had a kid, nine years younger than me, and of course he was loved by my stepdad way more than I was.

    I can recount a lot of instances where she was cruel to me, but oh how subtle and passive-aggressive she made it to be. Also, when I was bullied at school, she insisted on not changing schools, but rather for me to man up.

    Her plan was to make a highly paid but mentally broken drone that would be a strong, steady stream of money while she enjoys a "proper" family with her husband and a "proper" child.

    It's so unfortunate that the bastard kid turned out to be bipolar, and that bipolar disorder resets one's entire worldview from time to time, nullifying two decades of conditioning, isn't it?

    Dear woman I crawled out of, I'm either wrong or right. If I'm wrong, and you did all this (and waaay more of cruel and fucked up shit) to me without any strategy in mind, because you wanted to, then congrats, you're a psychopath. If I'm right, and it was all a strategy, then you knew what you did was wrong, and every single time you did it took a bit of your soul away from you, because that's what evil does. Given that your scheme failed, was it worth it in the end?
    random
    46
  • 6
    A day in my life. This morning Dell was doing it's update on my laptop before I left for work, so later when I knew my wife was up I asked her via text to shut my laptop off.

    W: "You left your laptop on this morning."
    Me: "I know, it was still doing an update this morning. I sent you a text."
    W: "Leaving your computer on all day is going to burn it up."
    Me: "Its 8:30, been maybe a half hour isn't a day."
    W: "Still wasting electricity. How do I turn this thing off?"
    Me: "It's just like yours."
    W: "No, your computer is way different than mine. Just tell me how to turn it off"
    Me: "My computer is running Windows 11, yours is Windows 10, shutting down is exactly the same"
    W: "I don't understand, yours looks completely different. Stop being an ass and just tell me"
    Me: "Select Start, then shut down"
    W: "Select what? There isn't anything that says Start"
    Me: "Sorry, click the little icon in the bottom left. Looks like four little blue squares. That's the Windows Start menu button, just like yours."
    W: "OK, now what?"
    Me: "Shut down"
    W: "Shut down what? I don't see anything"
    Me: "The icon that looks like power button next to my name"
    W: "There is nothing next to your name except your picture"
    Me: "It'll be on the right hand side"
    W: "Where the clock is?"
    Me: "No, on the Start menu, where you see my picture, there should be a button to turn it off."
    W: "No, it went away"
    Me: "What do you mean went away?"
    W: "All that disappeared when you told me to click over by the clock."
    Me: "I didn't say to click on the clock, anyway, doesn't matter. Start over, select the icon in the bottom left"
    W: "You're not listening. There is nothing there when I click that. You're such as ass. You cannot even tell me how to turn off this stupid computer. I'm busy, you can turn this thing off when you get home."
    <a few minutes later I text my daughter>
    Me: "Baby girl, can you turn off my computer?"
    <10 seconds later>
    H: "Done. Anything else?"
    Me: "Nope. Thank you."
    rant
    7
  • 5
    We're so back guys! Someone starred my truthchain repo - at this point I'm sure we'll kick X (twitter) out of business! There's only like 90% of the features unsafe and broken and every release has a major flaw and is broken and requires extra bs to work, but it's fine at 0.1.6, imagine someone actually contributed or makes a comment - I would immediately quit my job and dedicate full time (not). 😅
    random 💯🎇🍾
  • 5
    How is MSSQL so popular? "Oh yeah, sometimes you have to use dynamic SQL because the compiler doesn't correctly detect the impact of DDL commands and rejects working code" god fucking what? Why does the compiler infer the future structure of tables after a DDL command if it can't do so reliably? In my world, if it becomes public knowledge that a compiler incorrectly infers something, the maintainer scrambles to remove the inference instead.

    I also find it surreal that I have to disengage versioning on a table in order to be able to modify the version history. Like surely, there should be a mechanism to temporarily skip the hooks other than ALTERing the table into a regular unversioned database table and then ALTERing it back, rebuilding the versioning infrastructure from scratch. SQL is awful and MSSQL is doubly awful.
    rant madness mssql
    4
  • 6
    - went to the store
    - get shot
    - call 911
    - cops arrive before er
    - they're suspicious bc you're black
    - ask for your license and registration
    - you reach for your pocket to get your driver's license
    - "he's reaching!", they say as they mag dump into you
    - you die
    - your family can't afford funeral while m$ valuation goes from 3 trillion dollars to 4 trillion dollars
    - murica!
    random
    10
  • 4
    I am so confused about what I'm doing in the near future. I want to get out of this hellhole but there's a slight chance I could finish my PhD with someone, who's actually not a bad dude.(My current supervisor is... not helpful) But I will have to stay here and work very hard and not get paid, but PhD is over in less than a year. I'm fucked with system implementation tho, since I'll be changing directions and have to start fresh.
    I could also get a job and move away, and be paid a decent wage. But then there's no telling when I'm gonna finish the PhD.

    Which would you choose if you were me? Which one should I pursue?
    rant
    11
  • 4
    Imagine a workplace. A workplace that is planning a local event for tomorrow with deals and a free discount code for those who arrive.
    Only thing is: everything is chaos, no one is taking responsibility for the event, no one communicates about changes or how the event is going to be.

    Now you get a call off duty. You have to check a discount code that wasn't working. You were to set it up for the event. But apparently they decided to open the doors for the event TODAY. You get a call 5 minutes after the first. "Is it done yet?" NO. Because you have to FIX CODE and deploy changes because they don't have any staging environment, no proper testing environment and (best of all) development mostly connected directly to the production database.

    This! This is my job.
    I am so fucking mad.

    I need courses on how to grow my spine even more and demand what should be fucking law at this point.
    Or maybe just leave. I'm the only dev.. 😎
    rant fml bad job
    6
  • 4
    So there is this discussion about killing children in code. Someone pops in with this:
    "I do remember a post from a guy who actually got pulled into an HR talk, to ask why he'd littered the code with references to killing children and removing children from their parents. Imagine trying to explain to a person who's never programmed, that Kill(parent.child)is a perfectly standard phrasing and not a latent psychosis that should be reported to the police."

    First I think who is the idiot that reported this? Then I think who is the HR idiot that didn't do a google search or talk to the software manager? So many people had to fail at basic thinking for this to get this far.

    Then I think also. Two things can be true at the same time. The person writing this code could also harbor latent desires to kill children. But can hide their sickness in plain sight. CS could just be a place for psychopaths to talk about the true serial killer thoughts.

    I was wondering what this would look like. Maybe the psycho programmer will allocate extra hidden children that will get created and destroyed without anyone knowing the better. Maybe they only need 10 children for the code, but they allocate 100. That is 90 children they can create and destroy that only they know about.

    Is balancing a tree really about cycles to read the data? Or is this some sort of karma balancing with latent desires to add or remove children with different karma leanings? Linked lists? Obviously only a psychopath would make a singly linked list.

    Then I read posts on devrant and think there is probably at least one psychopath here that looks up to Anakin. We know you are here! You can't hide forever.
    joke/meme devrant your mom psychosis anakin is your hero
    7
  • 4
    Dark Humor

    Lets try some seriously dark dark humor. Lets find what lurks in the hearts of men.

    My Kid: I was adopted.
    Me: We wouldn't have picked you.

    Oedipus: <whilst banging his wife> You remind me of my mom.

    What do you call Rock Hudson in a wheelchair?
    Rollaids

    What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband before the launch?
    You feed the dog, I will feed the fish.

    Some I found from searching web:

    What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
    A baby in 2 dumpsters.

    If we had mosquito nets in Africa we could save millions of mosquitos from getting AIDS.

    Down syndrome in military is called special forces.

    Mom told me to eat my vegetables, now where do I put the wheelchairs.

    Whoever thought white men can't jump obviously never watched the 9/11 footage.
    joke/meme dark humor your mom
    6
  • 4
    Cool, Snek has a new few members with new input to work on for now. It's still not released guys, it takes some tweaking. But i'm happy, earlier this day I went to beach, and when i came back, in the general chat there were 1200+ new messages. Holy fuck. I keep on preparing it for when it's needed. But I do hope to say within a month or so that it's <stable>. Finished, will never be the case! So many ideas to implement. One of the priorities is now, what you can do with the Snek app, because it's a lot, it has some sick features. Live typing was not appreciated by everyone but it's possible to disable it with /live.

    Meh, stay tuned, will spam next month or so again. Happy that the cert is renewed and we can continue talk here.
    random live priorities ark noach community development snek appreciated expired devrant
    12
  • 4
    It's so funny sometimes to tell americans facts about their country that completely demolish the whole "America is a free country" bullshit.

    Once upon a time, there was a guy that took his car in for service. Then, maybe he was creeped out by the people there, or by something else, but he felt like something was fishy. Lo and behold, when he went back home and inspected his car, he found a weird little box retrofitted where it can't be immediately spotted. He figured out that it was some kind of a tracker, so he removed it, and you know what happened next? I kid you not, he got IN TROUBLE for TAMPERING WITH GOVERNMENT PROPERTY!

    If you're a US citizen, you're not allowed resentment. You're not allowed to resist oppresive measures like whatever the fuck happened to that guy.

    The US of A is not a free country. It used to be, but it became a police state at exactly 8:46:40 on September 11, 2001.

    It's so sad that some of you go on and on and on about their gun rights, but when it's time to use them for the purpose stated in the second amendment ("A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state"), they do nothing.
    random
    4
  • 4
    TIL empathy I've always had is auras

    I am an idiot

    ok time for a crazy story

    so I've been sick 3 years. when I got sick I went to the hospital and I couldn't explain to the doctor what my issue was in a way he would understand. I hadn't slept in 2 weeks and couldn't, and it had all started with a weird headache (which was neither a migraine because I had those before, and my BF thought maybe it was a stroke but the doctor said no it was a migraine even tho migraines do not feel like that). one of the things the doctor couldn't seem to comprehend is how I said I didn't have "space" in my head anymore. he just totally ignored that. I kept coming back to the hospital and trying to all the different people. I was confused, exhausted, had to keep pacing or i felt myself fading out, felt my "consciousness" nearly going "lights out" all the time (like a shade was being closed on my eyes). had weird electrolyte misbalance issues which made me pee out a lot of water and then the consciousness lights out feeling would modulate. my resting heart rate was 110 whereas before I couldn't even get it over 80 exercising lol, not to mention I always had conscious control over it and yet here I didn't -- nurses tried to get me to meditate and it wouldn't work! I also had to say all my thoughts out loud and couldn't think in my own head. my whole world became "flat". prior to this I thought in spatialness -- I could generate and simulate 3d+ dimensions in my head, like dreamscapes, I could simulate visuals, textures, sounds, smells, even turns out mix foods I've had or invent totally new tastes from aspects of foods I knew existed. apparently not everyone can do this (I didn't know at the time). I also could simulate empathy in there and other more complex stuff. I lost all that. strangely I couldn't empathy feel IRL people's emotions anymore either (which was always trivial for me before, it was harder for me not to). nor could I understand what they were saying to me anymore. I could see them LITERALLY say it but I couldn't understand. it was weird. I didn't know it at the time and it only occurred to me weeks later that I was "alone" (disconnected I just realized). I have NEVER felt alone in my life before. now I understand

    about 9 months ago I started getting my intuition back. so I can ask in my head for advice and a voice will aswer or sensate nudge me in a direction. this inspired me to look into witches, since I was sick and witches do herbs and stuff. why not. everybody kept saying psychosomatic. well magic-type shit is psychosomatic, clearly? if it works it works. I ain't gonna question it

    I started practicing it and etc but didn't really get it. but now I am understanding so much

    so the whole reason why that doctor didn't understand is because all of those abilities come from the soul... my whole life I've been empathetic and mind-reading. I can even read someone's intentions and thoughts from their texts. and this isn't like projection-stuff (though now I understand better how that works also... which I never could before. I studied psychology for a bit after a bad job situation but projection had never made sense to me)

    you can hear words and not see the mental images associated with them. this means you're disconnected from your mental plane, ignoring it, maybe because it's fucked up which was the case with me. I have absolutely no clue what the fuck rammed me. but I've been meditating and fixing my soul-realms (etheric, astral, mental... and I regained access to the casual! now I understand why people acted confused when I could tell the future! cuz they can't hear the casual realm yet!)

    and I was looking into reiki healing. everybody seems to have the opinion that you could just send "healing energy". while true this is immensely exhausting. apparently reiki is literally "rei" the god-consciousness of life (like spanky) moves "ki" which is energy. so you connect to rei, figure it out, and suddenly you can channel rei... sounds cool

    as I was listening to a chick describe reiki and reiki concerns... I fucking figured out how empathy works. and why my life's been fucked. d'oh. this magic shit solves everything
    rant empathy emotions
    13
  • 2
    Okay, summary of previous episodes:

    1. Worked out a simple syntax to convert markdown into hashes/dictionaries, which is useful for say writing the data in a readable format and then generating a structured representation from it, like say JSON.

    2. Added a preprocessor so I could declare and insert variables in the text, and soon enough realized that this was kinda useful for writing code, not just data. I went a little crazy on it and wound up assembling a simple app from this, just a bunch of stuff I wanted to share with friends, all packed into a single output html file so they could just run it from the browser with no setup.

    3. I figured I might as well go all the way and turn this into a full-blown RPG for shits and giggles. First step was testing if I could do some simple sprites with SVG to see how far I could realistically get in the graphics department.

    Now, the big problem with the last point is that using Inkscape to convert spritesheets into SVG was bit of a trouble, mostly because I am not very good at Inkscape. But I'm just doing very basic pixel art, so my thought process was maybe I can do this myself -- have a small tool handle the spritesheet to SVG conversion. And well... I did just that ;>

    # pixel-to-svg:
    - Input path-to-image, size.
    - grep non-transparent pixels.
    - Group pixels into 'islands' when they are horizontally or vertically adjacent.
    - For each island, convert each pixel into *four* points because blocks:
    · * (px*2+0, py*2+0), (px*2+1, py*2+0), (px*2+1, py*2+1), (px*2+0, py*2+1).
    · * Each of the four generated coordinates gets saved to a hash unique to that island, where {coord: index}.

    - Now walk that quad-ified output, and for each point, determine whether they are a corner. This is very wordy, but actually quite simple:
    · * If a point immediately above (px, py-1) or below (px, py+1) this point doesn't exist in the coord hash, then you know it's either top or bottom side. You can determine whether they are right (px+1, py) or left (px-1, py) the same way.
    · * A point is an outer corner if (top || bottom) && (left || right).
    · * A point is an inner corner if ! ((top || bottom) && (left || right)) AND there is at least _one_ empty diagonal (TR, TL, BR, BL) adjacent to it, eg: (px+1, py+1) is not in the coord hash.
    · * We take note of which direction (top, left, bottom, right) every outer or inner corner has, and every other point is discarded. Yes.

    Finally, we connect the corners of each island to make a series of SVG paths:
    - Get starting point, remember starting position. Keep the point in the coord hash, we want to check against it.
    - Convert (px, py) back to non-quadriplied coords. Remember how I made four points from each pixel?
    . * {px = px*0.5 + (px & 1)*0.5} will transform the coords from quadriple back to actual pixel space.
    · * We do this for all coordinates we emit to the SVG path.

    - We're on the first point of a shape, so emit "M${px} ${py}" or "m${dx} ${dy}", depending on whether absolute or relative positioning would take up less characters.
    · * Delta (dx, dy) is just (last_position - point).

    - We walk from the starting point towards the next:
    · * Each corner has only two possible directions because corners.
    · * We always begin with clockwise direction, and invert it if it would make us go backwards.
    · * Iter in given direction until you find next corner.
    · * Get new point, delete it from the coord hash, then get delta (last_position - new_point).
    · * Emit "v${dy}" OR "h${dx}", depending on which direction we moved in.
    · * Repeat until we arrive back at the start, at which point you just emit 'Z' to close the shape.
    · * If there are still points in the coord hash, then just get the first one and keep going in the __inverse__ direction, else stop.

    I'm simplifying here and there for the sake of """brevity""", but hopefully you get the picture: this fills out the `d` (for 'definition') of a <path/>. Been testing this a bit, likely I've missed certain edge cases but it seems to be working alright for the spritesheets I had, so me is happiee.

    Elephant: this only works with bitmaps -- my entire idea was just adding cute little icons and calling it a day, but now... well, now I'm actually invested. I can _probably_ support full color, I'm just not sure what would be a somewhat efficient way to go about it... but it *is* possible.

    Anyway, here's first output for retoori maybe uuuh mystery svg tag what could it be?? <svg viewBox="0 0 8 8" height="16" width="16"><path d="M0 2h1v-1h2v1h2v-1h2v1h1v3h-1v1h-1v1h-1v1h-2v-1h-1v-1h-1v-1h-1Z" fill="#B01030" stroke="#101010" stroke-width="0.2" paint-order="stroke"/></svg>
    rant eye _am_ the vectors skyler!
    6
  • 3
    I am the keeper and protector of a specific joke I made up while at rock bottom, that is so dark (vantablack levels of darkness), cruel, insensitive and inappropriate in any context to any person, that I'll probably never tell it to anyone.

    It's clean. It's not about sexism, racism, religion, war, discrimination, rape and other sensitive topics often joked about. It's also not gross --- it won't make you vomit. It's not personal and doesn't doxx anybody.

    I don't even know if I can tell it at any dark jokes contest without being kicked out immediately.

    I'll give you just one hint: it's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is no plot twist like "this place is your mom's vagina" --- nothing like that. It's just about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
    random
    9
  • 2
    apparently there's benevolent lizards and they actually have decent "reprogramming self" advice. like immunity to being eaten by the malevolent lizards which feed off fear and apparently anger (though they never fed on my anger... so I took why my anger can never be fed on and added it to the fear and now I can feel fear without getting pulled)

    but really I don't know what's wrong with me. there's something in there that's just violently lashing out at everything like a cornered animal. and I don't even know why it's triggering. I don't think I existed with this before I had gotten sick. it's like sharp claws in a fuzzy ball like how one would imagine cats being just rapid razorblades. so fast and vicious

    and even past that it's like. how do you even trust random aliens in the universe. humans are so shitty so why would they be any better? do they all parrot repeatedly what their authority figures tell them, also? do they manipulate each other? my dogma or eat shit kind of attitude? you do what they want or they try to outsmart you, domineer you?

    I talked to the angels and they felt authoritarian. I don't know if that was something telling me that or they really are that way. and the demons trick you. at least I can respect that. maybe I'm just traveling on the wrong stream

    met a guy irl and he was like, "nooo, my brother comes to visit us to see us?!". I was so confused. he doesn't use you? he just likes you? and here my last HR from a company, when my boss was abusing me and I conceptualized it as her not liking me, went at me for mentioning that I conceptualized it as her not liking me as if if anybody wants to be liked it should be shameful (I wasn't even saying that I wanted it... it was just fact to me, it was the literal diagnostic problem). she told me it's not about being liked. like it's somehow shameful to want to have a good atmosphere, to have a reason to have a cooperative atmosphere... and I don't actually know if everyone prior to this incident was using me the whole time and I just didn't notice it. since all those relations did eventually fall through for one reason or another -- either I left cuz they wanted to force something too hard, or they left because I refused to do what they wanted or wasn't "as they already wanted"

    sigh
    random lizards
    5
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