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Search - "boss"
Conversation with my Boss
B: Are u a hacker?
B: We need a hacker?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.11
Boss: we need to make a website.
Dev: we fired the web dev
Boss: you do it then
Dev: I am a mobile dev
Boss: dont care you are a developer
Tbh he isnt wrong but i just hate web development.12
I sent a professional letter to my boss telling him that i will leave after 15 days. He replied saying :
" stop that bullshit "19
Boss walked towards his office asking a coworker to do something.
Coworker replied that he'd like to but only the boss has the login codes or something like that.
Boss: ah right *walks to coworkers table* let me enter that stuff *starts typing*
Coworker: Maybe I'm running a keylogger 😏
Me: *exchanging funny eye contact with coworker* yeah maybe he is.... 😏
Boss: *looking back and forth at both our faces suspiciously*
*three of us laughing*
me: im tired of coding here
boss: then go home and code there
me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW
boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!11
My boss just revised my report and sent it back with new file names. Memes have officially infiltrated the workplace.7
Me: intern in XYZ company
Boss: boss of XYZ
Boss: Why are you taking so much time in developing a simple webpage.
Me: *explains because you asked for so much bullshit to include**
Boss: I can develop it in half an hour.
Boss: I developed a website in PowerPoint when I was intern.
Me: In PowerPoint? How?... Really..?
Boss: Ya, that's the type of skills I have. You're so lazy, you take so much time to make a simple webpage.
Boss: We are using Angular 1 in our project, right?
Me: AngularJS, yeah, we are using it.
Boss: I heard they have AngularJS 4 now and it's faster and better.
Me: Angular, yeah that's much better.
Boss: So shouldn't we upgrade it? Can you do it this week?
Me: Erm... It's gonna take more than a week.
Boss: How much time do you need?
Me: 6 months, at least.
Boss: What if I put one more guy with you on this? How much time will it take then?
Me: Let me rephrase. It's gonna take 6 months for the entire team to upgrade all the modules in our product to Angular 4. Not including the time to train everyone on Angular and TypeScript.
Boss: Oh, Angular 1 is suddenly seemed to me a better option now.
Me: Smart move 😉11
* The app is almost ready, boss asked me to show the progress.
Boss: The design is bad, I don't like it 🤔
Me: I just implemented the design, which is approved
Boss: Really? because I "feel" that the design is bad on the screen.
Me: Okay 😐, can you tell me what exactly the part to change?
Boss: I don't know, *calls the designer
Designer: *showing his PSDs* yes it is the same, and you [the boss] approved it.
Boss: Ok make some changes to make it feel better.
Me: (Inside: 😡 ) ok, have you some suggestions?
Me: at least tell me what is wrong with it
Boss 1: You have such a dedicated team of workers, how do you make them all come in time?
Boss 2: Its simple, 30 employees, 20 parking spaces.14
Boss - gives tasks to me. Timeline: 10 days.
Me - work hard and finish the solution in 3 days.
Boss- wtf is this. Do it properly.
Me - chills for 15 days. Submit the same earlier solution after that.
Boss - yes this looks nice now! Much better than your earlier work!
Me - dude seriously what kind of stuff do you smoke before coming to work?10
That moment when your coworker puts on loud music, you're wondering if your boss is going to like this and then your boss turns his music twice as loud and the two start a battle of who can play their music the loudest.
Yup it was friday again!14
My last internship. When acquiring a new project and having to give an estimate the boss/sales guy always went to the programming team first to ask them what the estimate was and then communicated that back to the client(s).
Asked him why he does that because many companies don't:
Well, the programmers are going to write the software so why the hell would *I* be the one who gives the fucking estimates?
Yes that was a good boss.4
My boss is a bit annoyed that I’m listening to the music in my headphones during work.
“Are you sure it doesn’t make you lose the focus?”
The will to quit is everyday greater.11
Boss be like:
Me: Hello Boss I will be unable to come to work tomorrow,due to heavy rains.I am literally living on an island now.
Boss: In your job application you mentioned swimming as your hobby.
See you at work @7am....1
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*11
My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^21
Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..
*15 minutes later
Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task
*30 minutes later
Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..
Boss: *walks away..16
My boss thinks once the UI is made , the backend and integration shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.
I want to kick him on the dark side of his moon11
At customer site with my boss.
Boss: let's check this code which is not working
Me: ok (starting the debugging session)
I found this code, which was failing during the writing on disk for some reasons.
Boss: ok it fails to write data but we need to, let's manage it like this:
Boss: "If I double-click this button, the modal it opens flicker once for 0.00001 seconds?!?!?!?"
Me: "Ya... It opens two modals. It doesn't break anything, it looks normal except the flickering"
Boss: "It's no good!"
Me: "I've got a solution; don't fucking double click. It's a fucking website."
Boss: "IT'S NOT A WEBSITE. IT'S A SYSTEM"
Me: "It's a fucking website" *Exits room, trying not to strangle the boss".12
My boss said something genius today: "understanding client's wishes is like writing a regexp for everything they say"😂5
My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
Boss: Give me unrestricted access in the system.
Me: It's dangerous. You might break something.
Boss: I'll be careful.
Me: *gives access*
This happened 2 years ago. Now every week he deletes something he shouldn't and break a module for him or for the clients using our system.
Just woke up in a rant email saying that "oUr OnLiNe StOrE DoEs NoT wOrK". Well, that's because you have delete the Cart configuration for all the clients you dumbass. What the fuck were you thinking when you deleted that?16
Meeting with my boss.
Me:...Yeah, and I've been playing with the software--
Boss: we don't "play" with software, we test it, the end user plays with it.
Few days later my boss talking to a client.
Boss: Yeah, and I've been playing with the software...
*watching funny clip*
*boss comes at you*
Boss: hey man, we need to...
You: just look at this thing, it's hilarious!
*watching clip together*8
Former Boss: "We need a messaging framework!"
Me: "What do we need a messaging framework for?"
Former Boss: "To send out messages to the App and by Email!"
Me: "We already have everything in place for that."
Former Boss: "But it must be _one_ generic solution, not _two_ solutions."
Me: "Both content and form are totally different for those messages. They have nothing in common besides being 'messages'."
Former Boss: "But it's better to have a messaging framework!"
We had that discussion in every fucking weekly team meeting. So I decided to put a concept together that was so overdesigned, generic and complicated, so my boss wasn't able to understand it at all, and of course didn't read it entirely.
He never mentioned the term "messaging framework" again.3
Boss: "I need you to program tool-1, tool-2 and tool-3"
Me: *creates tool-1*
Boss: "Why did you make tool-1? I needed tool-3 done by now"
Maybe you should have told me that 🙃5
Boss: please refactor this js 2k lines spaghetti code class and use it in our reactive functional app
Me: it will take like 1 week to refactor and plug this
Boss: but it's almost the time I needed to write it!
YOU DON'T SAY? MAYBE FIRST LEARN HOW TO WRITE DECENT CODE. ffs.2
Security tester: Injects XSS into a rich text editor and flags it for a vulnerability.
"Oh that's fine, let's just disable right click on our page so no one can inspect the page and inject anything."
My boss ladies and gentlemen.9
boss: Hey! this is your task A. It needs to be done by today.
me: Ok boss
....after sometime when I am halfway through the task....
boss: Hey! here is a task B which needs highest priority.
me: but i am already doing A and I am halfway
boss: No, B is on priority
...at the end of the day...
boss: So I hope you have completed task A as I mentioned that was to be done by EOD.
me: ****instant rage****11
Boss sent me an email at midnight, and I was working voluntary O/T, so I responded. This morning, he brought me this...7
My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"
Me: " it's my job"
Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"2
Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)7
I'm building a website for a new company and the boss doesn't understand technology at all. says he doesn't want me using any html because it is old and I have to use python because it's a 'hot language.' I try to explain that html is for websites and he replies 'not mine.'19
Me: Boss, your new project is ready, we've tested the technical aspect but we're waiting on your approval before deploying, will you test it?
Boss: yeah sure, I'll test it in 5
*2 weeks later*
Boss: why isn't that project deployed yet?
Me: you haven't tested it, and we haven't gotten approval
Boss: oh right, I'll go test it right now!
*2 weeks later*
Boss: I NEED that project to go live RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!
Me: sure, have you tested it yet?
Boss: nope, but I need it
Me: well, I'll put it live, but me and my colleagues are shifting responsibility to you, since you haven't tested it. Are you sure?
Boss: yeah, yeah whatever...
*put product online*
*2 days later*
Angry call from boss, bugs have been found, tell him that he approved the state of the product and that the bugs will go on the to-do list...
Boss is extremely pissed, but recognized his mistake...
Now, the boss actually tests everything thoroughly at the moment we tell him to! No more bugs, complaints, and I got a raise!5
My former boss kept insisting "we need deeper fonts!"
Me: do you mean darker?
Boss: no, deeper!
Me: do you want me to make it bold?
Boss: no, deeper!!12
New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Diary of an intern story #101
Boss went to china for business purposes.
Me(just out of cheekiness) : what are you going to bring for us boss 😜?
Boss : for you, more tasks 😎😂
Why god why ;_;3
Me: "sorry boss I have a burnout, I don't feel to..."
Boss: "which part of the project you can't do?"
Me: "is a burnout, I can't go..."
Boss: "cmon it's easy!"
8 months without proper holidays produce this.10
That awkward/awesome moment when you are looking at dank memes at work and your boss is standing behind you and laughs :')1
I feel awkward when my boss is creeping behind. Of course, I can switch the screen in a hurry, but such behavior is suspicious, and sometimes I don’t notice him. So, in order to switch the screen without being suspected, I create a system that automatically recognizes that he is approaching to me and hides the screen.
Boss: log in to azure and fix this server
Me: I don't have access
Boss: why not?
Me: you never gave me access...
Boss: (never responds in chat)
Boss: Why is it that you are still not done with this?
Me: Because I keep getting interrupted
Boss: By what?3
Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do?
Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable.
Boss: I hadn't considered that.
Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.
Non-dev boss: "so, what are you working on today?"
Me: "I'm working on the API"
Non-dev boss: "that's what you said last week! Why aren't you progressing?"
Boss: We want this feature ASAP, how will it take from your time?
Me:*giving honest estimation* about 4 days, there are many details to handle..
Boss: oh, we need it tomorrow evening, I said to the client it'll be ready..
SO WHY YOU ASKING ME FOR ESTIMATION YOU F**
My boss last week backed me up with a client. I was working in a production enviorment and the client refused to test the changes made when I told them. So we things started to go wrong and they called to my boss complaning.
Well you are right. The things are broken but he (me) stayed last night waiting for your response and you didn't gave one. So he is going to work only in the afternoon and you will have to wait.
I must buy a beer for my boss.2
* Boss gives you a shitty work that doesn't follow standards
* you tell him that this is wrong, and there will be consequences on time and performance on the future.
*you do the work like he says
*after a while he asks for modifications
*takes too long because of structure problems, and non compatibility
*you get blamed
*you hate your job, your boss and your life.7
My summer internship adventures
Cunt Boss: you will receive salary and a bonus at the end of the project
Me: *works for 3 months*
Cunt Boss: *sends 60 fucking euros to my bank account*
Me: is that just the bonus?
Cunt Boss: oh I'm sorry, we have some financial troubles here and that's all I can give you
Thanks! Now I can buy you a dildo so you can go fuck yourself11
Having a non technical boss is such a pain. He thinks all the features should be a piece of cake. There should be a course in business departments where people will be taught how programming works.5
Boss: Can I pick your brains about something for 5 mins?
(2hr 49min later...)
Boss: So you're still on track to finish that project by lunch today?
My boss (non IT background) : Our contract with X company says the website must be web 2.0 compliant.
Me : What year is it!!3
Few days ago, my boss join devRant. And last night, my girlfriend join devRant too.
*Their watching. Beware!!!19
Tragedies of Non-Technical Boss:
Boss: What happened yesterday, tried reaching you several times, you were just unavailable!
Me: My wifi stopped working as there was some issue at the ISP's end.
Boss: You could've atleast dropped a skype message that your internet is not working!
Me: Yes sir but the internet was not working, so I couldn't drop that message too!!
Boss: But you should have, I was in panic what happened to you...You were alright or not?...
Me: Yup I know, I didn't see the wifi tragedy coming.
Boss: If ever the internet goes down or anything sort of that happens just drop me a text on skype, that your internet is not working. Okay!
Me: *Confused* as to if he is high or just not listening to what I am saying...8
Check this out.
Brazil is coming to a halt right now because of a distribution blockage by the truck drivers.
Gasoline tripled the litter price from yesterday.
Gas stations are going empty.
Air-fucking-ports are out of diesel/gas.
Public transportation might stop tomorrow.
And my boss "will consider" home office, wtf dude, are you retarded?14
Boss: "Can we create apps that are supercool, superfast, supercustomizable and superhitech?"
Me: "If you want apps like these I have to use this tool, this language and this other stuff. Just keep in mind that are new technologies for me and I need to study a lot before develop everything"
Boss: "Ok! can you do it for tomorrow?"
Who the fuck told my coworkers I'm their boss when our boss is on vacation?
Wtf, I don't wanna be anyone's boss, no one should want me as such...
I would certainly micromanage the shit out of everyone and make their lives a living hell.5
M - "Hey... 👀 where's the boss?"
P - "He's gone to get lunch 🍱"
M - "😮 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEPLOYMENT!"
So boss finds out that a competitors app has a youtube vid making half a million views.
His response to the lead dev: make one video like that!
Lead: But that video needs at least a video editor to make it, a professional and at least a couple thousands euros.
Boss: you are my best dev just do it, I believe in you...
Worst part is that he tried he made a couple hundred views and boss dissed him that he is useless. Go figure!10
It's great to hear the boss telling someone that your code "saves time" and "makes things easier to do".
Write good code people. It pays.1
Boss says that I'm getting a third project I should work on from now on.
Also says that that the deadline is at march 21th.
Then says that the other project whose deadline is at may 1st has priority over all others.10
My boss gave me a project without any meaningful requirements and asked:
boss: can you finish this in 9 months?
me: well I really can't give you any estimate.
boss: well just do it.
8 months later I summarize all weekly requirements that the client has given and estimated I should be able to finish the project with just 3 months, if only the requirements are ready and not changing from time to time. What a f***ing waste of my time? Why the f*** people do this? And after all this my boss said:
boss: I think we should be able to finish this project faster.
OMFG BOSS STOP CHANGING MY INTERFACES INTO CLASSES WITH REDUNDANT CODE AND IF ELSES BECAUSE "IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING" OMFG WE ALREADY WENT OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCK!!!2
My boss we don't pay you to code (yeah unfortunatly don't have a dev jobs)
My boss two day later : Hey we heard you love dev can you make an app for us2
today morning my boss talking to the designer.
Boss: hey, when we can see the design finished for the web site asked by the client X?
Designer: hmm, about a day and a half, there are many pages and details.
Boss: heheheh, it's impossible, we need it today at the end of the day.
Me insid: wth, then why you ask him about the time like he have a choice..11
Boss: "How much time do you get this bug fixed?"
Me: "Give me 20 minutes"
*4 hours later*
Me: "fixed is in the repository"
Boss: "You're getting to much time to do your assignments"
Me: *Damn it*
I suck doing estimates 😥7
Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
Boss: it’s all wrong, this was working last week.
Me: we have moved to a new data api and I’m in the progress of moving the views over as it’s new data has different names and more detail.
Boss: well fix it now I have a meeting with the client tomorrow morning. (It’s 3pm)
About 30mins later.
Boss: I guess I can say that we are migrating over to the new api, they should be fine with that.3
Overheard my boss speaking at the pantry.
He tells the sales to promote to potential buyers that our product will only take 2 days to setup but actually the dev team has been alloted 2 weeks.
How the in fuck could we deliver 2 weeks worth of effort in 2 days!? WTF boss. Fuck you, and your double chin. I am tired of your shit.2
Do you guys know the feeling you get, when you have to explain your work to a non programmer? An example could be your boss.
It's not always that easy.3
Boss : Need very very little change on our project
Dev : Ok, what is the change?
Boss : This, this, this, this and just this one.
Dev : Really very very little.1
my boss have a weird habit of asking plan to us...this happened today
boss: What's the team plan today?
me: Not getting frustrated..
other devs: <claps>
One of my favorite things on vacation is to lazily read through work e-mails, spot threads where my opinion/decision is required, and completely ignore them as my boss spirals into utter panic.1
I'm starting to get the feeling that my boss is three 5 year old's standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat4
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"8
The face of confusion my boss made when I suggested the development of a simple "api" (one end point) to solve a particular issue we faced after improving our infrastructure made me realize I need to abandon this ship...
He really can't wrap his head around calling a URL and doing something on a server although that's what we do every fucking day...2
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Boss: how long would it take you to make an app with this tool you have never seen before?
Me: idk, I've never used that.
Boss: OK so how long?
Me:.. Uh.. 3 weeks?
Boss: you got 2 weeks. Start tomorrow.
Me:... OK then..
Inner me: why does he even ask?
Just shouted to my boss: "You have a degree in CopyPaste issued by the University of Clipboard"
He's trying to edit some HTML tables and got lost... he also has this notion that he can do our job...
Boss calls: "Can you give me more bandwith?"
Me: "I can, but the other coworkers will have issues"
Boss: "Doesn't matter, and please, lift up the proxy too"
Me: "I am sorry, but I can't, that could compromise our security"
Boss: "I am giving you an order..."
Me: "Ok then..."
Me: *proceeds to give boss more bandwith and lifts up proxy (all is lost now)*
I go to see what is the boss doing with the bandwith...he was downloading League of Legends in his personal notebook...
TL;DR: Boss asks to put company at risk for the sake of a game...2
Boss: I have a demo NOW, but there os an error message on that page.
Me: okay, give me sometime to elaborate the problem..
Boss: No No please, this is urgent
I was hired as JS Dev, done some projects with Angular and Node, after several months my boss told me to maintain a FUCKING PHP webapp with no documentation and shitty codebase. After he saw the results, he told me *man, you got some potential*, and he assigned me to build websites using wordpress(WTF is he thinking!). I thought that was the last time he would do something ridiculous, Yesteday he asked me if i can do Video Animation(After Effects)!!5
Boss quoted Yoda today, to my answer to if I would be able to deliver today a freaking huge project I've been working on, 14 days before the rescheduled deadline I was given, just because the client is pissed with them.3
boss gives me a new task that requires to rewrite quite a lot of the code to accomplish.
me: "it will take some time, I'll have to rewrite x, y, z... and it will require some rigorous testing too..."
boss: "so it'll take you 2 days?" (serious face)
you gotta be f-ing kidding me right?!1
Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"
Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"
Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"
Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?4
the dev team freaked our boss out by being overly nice and polite to him for a whole day .
Normally we're pretty laid back and tease one another, so he was pretty worried.
You know you have an awesome and tight-knit team when your boss threatens to fire all of you for being too nice and you can laugh about it.
after an all nighter, I walked in at about 10:30am and unloaded a small bag of groceries on my desk I got to restock the community fridge. Boss walks up, "WTF?!? NO BEER?!?" Slams his credit card on my desk and walks away...1
when your boss doesn't understand anything you do and introduces you to people as "magic coder"...actually I think I prefer that.2
Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.
My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.
welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐5
Boss not fan of tests at all.
"Hey I'm doing all of tests" - boss to me.
"Cool, are they automated? Or do you want me to implement'em?" - me to him
[long speech about why tests are irrelevant including "...once I tested, it is tested, we dont need to have automated tests."] *im teaching you because you dont know voice*
Please, help meeee5
*Working on a project with boss, I am working on a mobile app, he is working on web service app.
Me: this service takes user id as parameter to get all account details (all other web services are like that)
Boss: yes, I use the id to filter the data.
Me: but by this, everyone has the id can do anything ! why we do not use session token?
Boss: this is a detail, it is not important !
*7 years of experience my ass5
Got 15 days annual leave left from last year. My boss can't afford to send me on leave because we are only 2 developers. The other person really doesn't know what he is doing on coding.
So yes, my boss fucked my annual leave too. I hope he enjoyed it.3
Boss told us to make a tickets app.
Tickets will have to_be_completed_by date
Devs in our team allowed that to be in the past. Because our manager consistently says he wants stuff done like yesterday!3
Starting from this week my boss started to be pain in my ass. He wants me to do sales more then developer work. I told him on Monday that I can’t do sales because my interest is in coding. My boss said that I have to do whatever he tells me to do because in my contract there is a clause that’s “Any other work that may be assigned by your boss”.
I’ am fucked!16
Yesterday with my boss:
Hey boss, can I work from home tomorrow?
Boss: No, I need you in the office, we need to discuss some things together.
....He didn't come to the office today, he just made me come to train the newcomer LOL.6
What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.
I am a developer not a God!3
Found out today my boss told the team lead to put an unfinished part of the software that I'm developing into production so the clients 'could look at it already'. Team lead claims he objected but boss insisted. So now our error logs are filling up with lines every time it silently fails, and the pressure is on even harder to make it work asap. This has been going since the start of the week and I found out about it now. Boss told team lead it looks better to the clients this way. Meanwhile I'm just thanking the heavens this at least couldn't cause data loss. Probably. *panic intensifies*5
The last night my boss called me at the middle of the night fo some job related tasks.
I was like: Boss! I am your employee, not your wife !1
Slack, my boss and I:
Me: Lucky I left when I did, I'll get through that fix when I'm less 🤢
Boss: Don't worry, take care of Harold now
Boss: If that's what we're calling the parasite
I recently found out I have a parasite, which I brought from India, living in my intestine. I'm on antibiotics. We're three devs at a startup running two products and on a shoestring... so Harold and I get our assets to office.10
~2 years ago:
Me: Managed to figure out how to port that library. Just need designs and then we can build feature X. I've tested it in ugly developer-y screens. It works fully
Boss: Thats awesome, saw the video, looks great. This is a really important feature, thanks for looking into this
~1.5 years ago:
Me: Ok i've started working on the designs, just FYI we don't have designs for feature X
Boss: Ok, must have slipped, noted
~1 year ago:
Me: I've seen more posts about users wanting apps with features X in it. Still don't have designs, we working on that?
Boss: I'll check with design
~3 Months ago:
Boss: Ok were going to have to get serious about pulling features out and reducing MVP so we can get this out there. I think feature A, D, Y and X have to be dropped for v1. Theres too much left to do on them
~1 week ago:
Boss: We need to start getting ready for xxxxx. Can you do me a favour and start writing up some developer docs etc, kind of like this one we did for this other project
This morning opening my emails from last night:
Boss: I've reviewed the doc, looks good, only minor things need tweaking. Let me ask you something though, you said feature X was pulled out and its "pending design work". Its not only pending design work is it? Is it that far along?
What I actually replied:
Yes ... i've sent you videos of it functional in the past, and discussed this ... more than once. Just design ... and some testing of the new designs obviously
What that meant:
Yes. May god have mercy on your soul if you reply anything even remotely close to "oh I had no idea, lets revisit adding this to v1". I will not be held accountable for my actions1
My 10 years experienced Boss is learning about Git NOW !!
And he pretend to know everything already and put his ass on every task.6
I'm at a pretty cool company today, learning new stack now. Everyone is helpfull and teaches me a lot.
I remember at my first job, when I just started, my boss sent me a MINIFIED .js file (just one file and nothing else) and said "it doesnt work, please fix this". After OBVIOUSLY not being able to fix it, at that moment, I started to doubt my choice to become a web dev.
I turned out to be pretty okay. But, fucking hell, thinking back, that "ex-boss" of mine could potentially influence my later career decisions and not in a good way.4
Is it normal for your boss to sell a product when it is only half completed and pick arbitrary deadlines to demo it to potential clients?12
WOW!! What a fucking cop out. After what happened yesterday about branching. my senior and our boss had a meeting and I wasn’t included. My senior then message me to next time dont create another branch just use the existing branch even if it was merged. I said “ok but i thought thats the best practice, we we’re doing that since the beginning”. Senior then responded “Whats best practice for our boss, that will be our best practice” what a fucking cop out!!! Bitch!!23
My boss says to me this morning.
Boss: Can you add these links as a redirect 301 to this link.
Me: Ok, I'm not the developer for that domain but I guess I can do it. Let's try to update apache htaccess for that domain through my account.
(After a swift ssh connection to the server to check out that domain.)
Me: Er...boss, we don't own that domain. We cannot redirect it's links to our other domains.
Boss: Why? What do you mean?!
Me: well if we don't own that domain, than it is not on our server and we cannot update it's server config files. So we cannot redirect that domain to our other domains.
Boss: Are you sure?
It went on like this for a while. I had a laugh break after.1
When they are fumigating the office and the boss says they need to spray some more around the programmers desks.
Gotta love it when your boss has a sense of humour.1
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2
So I had this conversation with my boss yesterday...
Me: Hey, I found this bug in the other team's code that has a major impact on what we're trying to do. Can you ask them to look into it?
Boss: No, I don't want to be the one who has to tell them there's a major bug in their code. Find a workaround.
M: But... It isn't really a major bug, it just has a big impact on our side of things.
Fuck bosses who value how they think they look to other devs over a day of my time. Fuck.4
My boss (also a developer) walks in regularly to tell us how annoying it is when her boss is walking in when she is working on something.
So you keep us from working by doing the exact same thing you find annoying? Sometimes I dont mind but sometimes Im doing difficult things you asked me to do, dont get me from my work for something useless....1
I'll start an internship as a web developer tomorrow. Boss crashed into my gar today. I pray to god that he's a better boss than a driver3
This was a computer in my university 's lab. Took a photo of that to send my boss when I won't be able to meet a deadline.1
My boss knows nothing about development. JUST buzzwords.
*in regards to a project* Boss: "just write it in PHP; it'll be easy!"
Me: "you know PHP?"
Boss (fully serious): "...enough to be dangerous."
He has never written a line of code in his life, let alone has any clue about what PHP does. Whenever I want to fuel my rage, I think about this moment.7
Boss: I want Module 4 (regular complexity) done by tomorrow.
Me: *with not enough experience to get it done within a day. Still does it by staying up all night*
Boss: I didn't want this, skip rest of the modules and jump to Module 10 (extremely complex) and I want it tomorrow.
Dear boss, client :
We, the developers, have family. Respect our time by knowing what you want us to build beforehand.3
So we are completely burned out with this project that had a fucking generic contract and my boss never had the balls (and never will) to say no to the client's endless requests and changes...
We are about to deliver it once and for all and they complain about one thing that I have already agreed to my boss that we would not do...
We tell the client that it is the case...
They email everyone involved in the project with a high level of drama on it...
I ask my boss, who is on vacation, on directions as to "how" I should tell them the fuck off...
My boss answer: I'm making a script to solve this issue and to avoid further trouble with it...
Ooo you stupid motherfucker! Can't you see you only bring more trouble with that attitude?1
My boss wants to be asynchronous with php. Then to render the backend async he wants to use beanstalk using python to be scalable.
I said : we can use node.js it's already asynchronous. And we don't care about the langage php python...
Boss : node.js isn't scalable, there is no security it's not good enough, it's not enough safe. I code with php since 15 years and it's better than node. To much problem in the node.js version 0.12.
OK BUT NOW WE HAVE NODEJS VERSION 6 LTS. WAKE UP. OMG I GIVE IT UP LET'S GO.6
That kind of boss who give you a task one minute before you leave your desk to home.
Me inside: I hate you, very much, sir.3
Working on a new project at work; all_of_a_sudden boss goes:
"A client needs the current software to do this thing, can u do it"
Me: "Yea, sure"
One week later: "Yea, Im not feeling this, can we change this, that, and--what the heck is that?"
Me: "😑 aaaaa the exact changes u wanted"
Boss:"Well, lets change (A list of stuff and new things added)
Boss: Use the same template that site [X] is using for this project.
Me: [X] is WordPress. Our project is asp.Net/C#. I can't
Me: You can't put a round peg in a square hole!
Me: [thinking about mortgage] I'll do it.
Boss: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Me: [die a little inside]7
When your boss force you to go to client land and do some socializing, for God sake I'm a developer not a f***en public relations employee3
My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...2
Non developer boss gets excited and praises your talent in writing a simple gui app. Gets angry when you refuse to write an algorithm to semantically infer the topic of discussion from a given text.1
Boss: Where should i put this piece of code so the android app will work correctly?
Me: Maybe here and we run some tests.
Boss: What? You built the app so you have to know where I should write the code for the endpoint and your app will work. No time for tests. And no update.
Fuck you boss.3
Me with estimations:
*enter the supermarket
*take a small basket because I need just one or two things..
*realizes I needed more things, basket get full, me getting tired.. oh shit..
Boss asks some changes
-ok boss, one hour at most, it's just adding few lines..
*then I realize that it's not that simple1
My previous boss has bad habit of relieving employees. He find out his links in a employee
s new company and then god knows what he did with that.
For, that reason I did not mention my current company when I switch but today I tried to find out those people who left before me it was shocking that no one updated their current company.
Creepiness of the former boss was real. Everyone was scared.
My old boss used to deploy sometimes at the last second. I was about to walk out of the office (friday at around 5:30pm) when he said "Oh wait i wanted to deploy this website you've created" Before i could argue he deployed the website and ofcourse it broke in production..
This caused me to stay for another hour and a half in order to fix it...2
When you point out a bug for the first time on a popular library and your issue has been reopened with apologies and given the bug tag.
Feel like a boss after struggling with the problem for 14 days haha1
In other news, I have been forbidden by my boss to implement any security or performance improvements into the company infrastructure as this holds no business value. Furthermore, passwords are not to be a random alphanumeric+special-chars string but something legible.14
My usual day at work, as a Designer.
Boss: Wow! Awesome design. Great work. I loved it.
Me: Thank you.
Boss: But wait, I have some change suggestions.
(After a while, gives 10-15 change suggestions that will completely change the overall design)10
Got convinced to work with a boss who seem to know it all in tech.
I honestly thought he knew tech, to code at least.
And then one day he referred to Java as the same as JavaSrcipt.
Taken a day off due to sickness, boss calls and said “can you fix an error on xyz website? it's urgent.”
I said No, I'm in hospital I can't. Even though I was at home.
He said “please look once whenever you'll reach home.”
Idiot got no chill.
In my past job,
Boss: We need to send the build by day end. Here is the FTP details you asked for.
Me: But password is missing in it..
Boss: I dont care, do whatever you can do... google is there.. fix it anyhow...
Me: ......(Banging head on wall).....
Boss yelled at lead mobile dev for low productivity because the project manager present him wrong timetables and added accidentally one more week of work.
Next day boss yelled at the lead mobile dev cause the back end wasnt working well.
Project manager and lead back end developer enjoy life! Front is hell :P5
My boss just yelled at our devops guy because he caught the DO intern watching Twitch while he was eating lunch at his desk. Why even care?2
The fact that my boss knows I'm on devRant means, that I can't rant about anything, that can be linked to my workplace or current assignments.11
The sales person who is sort of my boss walked in today and asked/told me:
Sales: We are using Bluemix, right?
Sales: Learn everything about it.
Sales: Spend 2 hours a day for the next 2 months studying up. You don't get less other responsibilities. Your commute is 1 hour each way, right? Put on some videos!
When you debug all day, and at the end only thing that boss sees are 3 line changes in git commit.2
What is this behavior WFH?
Boss: When will you send the report?
He: Have already mailed you
Boss: Your voice is breaking...
He: Have already mailed it
Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?
He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...
Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again
He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY
Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...
He: Aghh... NEVER.
Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????
He: ... *Silent*
Boss: ... *Silent*
He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)
Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.3
Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.5
When your non-programmer boss thinks after explaining a program design to you, his sitting by you and staring at your screen will help you code it faster...
Boss: How long will it take to finish the project?
Me: (Gives date for finishing dev and deployment.)
Boss: great, sound reasonable.
Boss: wait. Aren't you on vacation the two weeks after that.
Boss: yeah we are not doing that again. Client can wait another two weeks.
Before someone says no Boss/PM is like that, he was/is a developer too so discussing deadlines and efforts is usually pretty relaxed since he knows our codebase and how long it takes to do things.2
Me : There is a hotfix needs to be done.
Boss : So what ?
Me : Its assigned to you from last 2 weeks and deadlines are near.
Boss: (speaking politely) oh.. is it? Can you take a look ?
Me : ..
one of those days where the boss has his weekly amnesia and completely forgot an agreed feature discussion.. sigh..8
I really hate interruptions when i'm deep in my code. Headset on and blocking out the world, then get annoyed taps on the shoulder from boss for not greeting people.
So now i'm out of the zone, browsing devrant and have pissed off the boss for being anti-social.1
BOSS: We need to renew ourself.
ME: What do you think to implement a video game department?
BOSS: Go immediately in the server room
At my last gig I was working at a small ISP and my boss was asking why our throughput went to shit every time he checked the router web ui. I told him it was because the web server on the router uses up a lot of CPU time, and that meant the router couldn't process as many packets since it uses that same CPU for well routing, nat, firewall rules etc...so it's probably best to use the CLI instead. Boss says, "YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" And continues to destroy throughput by looking at the web ui.
TL;DR Boss yelled at me for telling him how things work. Yay.1
My boss was gossiping about all the staffs except me and the other person who was listening to him. I was coding and not part of the conversation.
What do you guys think, is he fit to be a boss and a leader?5
Me(handling 3 simultaneous apps): we have too many projects need another dev to share the load
Boss: don't worry...
Proceeds to hire one more Dev and take 3 more projects on :/
I'm tired of my boss complaining about anything Microsoft when he uses it all the time and can't even code anything1
The best QA in the world is your boss. He always jump in and ask you to show him something that is not completed yet. He then acts like a professional and points out the red is not red enough... You have no word, mark down all the design changes, pass a message to designer, and then, finally, You forgot what's going on in your mind!!! And it takes another hour for you to resume your memory back....1
My boss creates so many wtf moments with his total tech "un-savyness", although he is the " lead" dev, that I'm getting worried that I might be doing the biggest wtf faces every time ... I can't pretend like nothing is happening anymore .... Fuck!
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*
My boss thinks database = table
I hope it doesn't bring problems in the long run.
Any "web dev for CEOs" material you recommend?5
I am to sleep, boss calls please do this...
Boss thinks we are machines hahaha, 72hrs of no sleep and counting...3
Student intern here. My boss recently asked me to replace several if-statements with preprocessor macros.
And apparently, he didn‘t joke.5
That moment when you have a good job but a very bad boss/bosses.
I don't know that feeling, I have both bad job and boss1
So I went to some meetup with my boss.
Suddenly some old friend of mine shows up, and we start talking..
- „Where do you work now?“
„$company in $city“
- „And.. Do you like it there?“
„Now way, I hate my job.. Too many idiots around!“
The thing is: My boss was right behind me all the time and heard everything..
When your boss doesn't appreciate your ideas and tells you to "go to hell". The worst part of his statement was "go to" :|2
What can I do when my boss tells me to guide the “Senior Software Engineer” while I am just a “Software Engineer”?
Also, the SSE just asked me to help him/her with his/her project coz he/she forgot the skill that he/she was hired for.
I opened this up to my boss, he just told me to guide and not spoonfeed her.
I really find it unfair that we have different job titles, how can I tell my boss that the SSE doesn’t really have the skills to proceed with the project?
Second, do I also need to define and establish the criteria for Lead, SSE and SE within the company? (My boss scheduled a meeting for this exclusively)10
My boss ask me to install Time Machine in my computer to track my activity and take screenshots, but i'll not installing it because i'm remote and it's my own computer.3
Another anectode from my apprenticeship:
Boss comes into the office, looks at my screen: „So Mr Possum, writing scripts again? Process some customer orders instead.“
My Screen: html in notepad++ (as I was also responsible for the company website)
Me: */ wtf man? */ Alright sir.2
Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Gave boss inside into JSON output for a system he never even sees or uses. Now he suggests changes to that JSON that aren't relevant nor possible...1
Isn't it just lovely when your boss brings his 3yo daughter who just makes noise for a living to the office while you're on a hard task?5
One of new junior devs after his 3 month "trial period" was good enough to keep him so he went to boss to talk about his future.
He came back with big smile and told us how much of big raise he got (now earning as much as seniors)
I asked my boss what was so special about him, maybe we should improve somehow, he answered "He was yelling at me, what could I do?"
Now I know how to approach him next time I talk about a raise :p4
What your boss is really saying when you're about to leave work and he says "get this done before tomorrow morning"
The thing that is common between my boss and my girlfriend is none of 'em understand what I actually want or want to say and always misunderstood me.5
Following my first rant, my boss had the brilliant idea of running the old and the new architecture in parallel. I had advised that it won’t be ideal since the same Scala code was ingesting into 2 different Kinesis streams and one was running an old KCL written in Java where as other was consumed by a Firehose delivery stream(eventually we will be ingesting it into Firehose directly). I had told few manual + automated tests on Code as well as from a functionality of the new architecture and a set of tests for checking the integration of the new Producer code with Consumer.
The statement I got from my boss was “This is the test, we test it on production in parallel”. My boss had a brilliant idea to fucking test the new code on the production directly but running them in parallel without accounting for undefined behaviour it might cause in the current production system. I mean my boss should get a Nobel peace prize for shattering our mental peace.
Anywho, we started the deployment today at 5AM in the morning. I had all the aws services deployed. Was just waiting to deploy the new Collector code which we did at 5AM. Immediately after 5 minutes the system went bonkers, there was fire, blood, demons and I was smoking a cigarette with the biggest “I told you so smile” on my face. I’ve just written an email to my boss and have told him calmly that “Listen motherfucker, 90 percent of the software companies aren’t idiots to focus on testing and quality. We need to start spending time on testing and quality else we’ll again be in the same soup after few weeks again”.waiting for his reply1
Me: Ok, this sounds like a good idea, however we need to consult the Act to ensure we're not breaking any laws by requesting this new information and making it mandatory.
Boss: I am trying to ensure good database management and data design principles, why can't you just agree with me?
Me:... I agree with you... But changing up the process like this may put us in hot water, let's just check to ensure we're good on the legal front --
Boss: The law is just a guide. My primary concern and your concern should be the design of this database and ensuring we stick to good data management principles!
Me and other technical staff: 👀6
Need that stress ball. Boss shouted to me yesterday. Less than 2 hours later he calls the team leader. The outcome of that call was the same as what I had suggested and for what I was shouted at. :-S4
I needed to take today off to prep for a home repair. I didn't have much notice either, but I assumed my manager would be okay with some last minute PTO because of how relaxed everyone usually is around here. Guess that didn't include me.
I should have never assumed that my boss was someone I could think of as a peer. I called their boss "Boss" one time, and they said that they don't look at it that way, and that they see me as a peer. My boss nodded in agreement, but it was all formalities, and I bought right into it. Especially since both of them, even the other guys, take time off on a whim. But I'm somehow tied to a stricter standard, even though I can't beg hard enough to get so much as an email answered for legitimate reasons. They'll jump right on my ass when they feel I'm not working as hard as them, but I get silence most of the rest of the time. Bullshit. It's no wonder the conversation changes when your boss sits down at the lunch table. How depressingly typical.1
when your boss says "we are bringing in testers but the dev team is not allowed to talk to them" O.o !
Recently we created a Slack team with co-workers and our boss. Everybody was shocked when we saw his username. It is "armageddon". Like a fucking gamer child.2
Boss knows that building a release version of the app we are working on takes like 20 minutes, and they need 3 different apks for separate apis.
customer to boss: so, when will you send the apks?
boss while smiling: yeah, like 10 minutes5
My boss is away for the day.
Spent the day developing stuff.
He calls me and asks me about an app we're making, and I just reply, like yesterday, "you still have to send me the images to finalize it"
Boss: "oh, ok, sending them now."
I'm still waiting for them, I asked them 2 days ago for the first time.3
Boss uses @here in Slack channel, waits 5 seconds then tags me and another dev. Not sure he understands how @here works.1
So, might be the first time ever but I have a reasonable client. Oh wait, life isn't that nice!
Boss, stop picking fights over stupid shit with the client!
Boss, actually show up to meetings you called!
Boss, do you want to get us fired from the contract?
Boss, stop threatening the client! They hold all the chips here!
Boss, actually listen to my technical advice since you are not technical!
Boss, go die in a hole!
Boss, I want your job and paycheck you do nothing!
Boss, don't tell me you are tired and we can talk tomorrow when you kept me up until 3am the previous night then called an 8am meeting!
Boss, give everybody, including the client, more than 2 hours notice for a meeting, then get pissed when the client doesnt show. They have other meetings!1
MySQL. Relations. Every relation has an id for the FK.
Except one table. Why??
"BECAUSE I LIKE TO SEE THE INFO INSTEAD OF 73"
he is boss. He takes decisions.3
When your boss ask to convert the system to the new framework version, but still ask the other team add new module. Then said why your work never done hmmm.2
My boss tried to make me work at holiday (there's no work till 5th of Jan). I laughed at the proposal more than I should, then he understood what I meant and didn't say anything 😄
My boss don't give me any information about the project in 2 months ... Then the application need to run in 1 week ... Im the only developers in this faculty .. suprise ! I said to him the project cannot be delivered in such small time ...
Boss : but you having so mutch time to do it !
me: but you tell me to fix some PC screen and printer and is not my job to do that im a programmer.
Boss: but you have certification in programmation and tech support
Me: yes but you hire me to code your project not to fix your forest !
Boss: if you don't want to work just say it
Me: never mind ...
Results: i change faculty in the university
Having to request permission from my boss -- the director of marketing -- to install free dev-only tools.
Fuck this job !! i prefer to sleep all day long than go to work and hear my boss' annoying voice .3
Boss: how long would that feature take?
Me: About 2 weeks to implement and test.
Boss: hmm, can it be done it 1 week instead?
Once, our boss asked my colleague (Android developer)
- Does Whatsapp need internet to send/receive messages!
- why can't you send apks via SMS!
now he's our ex-boss1
When my boss says "can you just quickly fix something" whilst I'm halfway through transposing a MySQL database from an IIS server to an AWS EC-2 module
My boss will complain about the missing comma in a sentence before he appreciates the new feature added to the app or how fast the app loads.....2
The feeling of telling your boss that you hate you are putting in your two weeks is a feeling like no other. I'm FREE!
Today I noticed I did a very bad thing. My boss gave us $300.00 bonus for christmas. On 30/12/16 (our pay day), the accounts clerk said that our boss will deduct the $300.00 bonus that he gave us for christmas. Which was not true, he didn't deduct it, he included it in the payslip clearly. Without asking question or even looking at the payslip, I have started to insult about my boss to my friends. That was very bad.
I wish god will forgive me.
PS: Please don't comment "404 - God not found."7
Guys, just a question. Let say in a company either your boss, senior or manager who always wants to win a conversation no matter what the issue is and whoever is at fault.
Me: Roasters can't lay eggs
Boss: Yes they can
(After few minutes you are bore and want to end the conversation)
Me: Yes, yes fucken Roasters can lay eggs. You are right. Now fuck off.
Will you work for someone who wants to win the conversation?2
My boss can barely speak the native language (Spanish) he keeps using grammatical errors and whenever he’s got an idea of how stupid he is he tries to reach us with explaining SOLID and programming paradigms…
I’m so stuck in this 8h, it pays well, but 90% of the time is just acting to admire someone who barely knows how to declare a variable5
You know your day/week/month/year is fucked when your non-tech boss tells you about this awesome new tech that he has found in a article...
Literally a monkey with money.
Boss just repositioned the security camera we use to watch the front door right behind me, with perfect view of me and my monitor.....micro manage much....1
"Boss, we have a problem!"
"Don't say that, we call it -opportunity-"
"Boss, we have a lot of opportunities, the server is down."
"Ow..that's a problem"2
My boss has been pretty insistent on us writing good tests (which I wholeheartedly agree with) for our new project, and being the less-experienced junior that I am, asked if we could get some guidance or a demonstration.
Took two weeks, but I finally got it said guidance... by opening a pull request with tests that weren't absolutely perfect.1
Everyone excited discussing a new data access API to provide to the clients when, le boss:
"Just so you guys think out of the box a bit. What if you deployed the API on Swagger instead of AWS? It seems a nice and fresh approach, huh?"
Everyone on the room remained in silence and internally questioning why do we work here...1
Tell boss you want to resign in a good manner.
Boss tells you it will take you a very long time to leave.
Tell boss that is way to long.
Boss persists his not so kind requests.
Check your contract and local laws.
Dilemma: Tell him he’s being unrealistic and demand a normal procedure/Do the time and cry about every missed opportunity for a career upgrade. What would you do?11
When you are in a party and your boss messages
Boss - are you online, the servers are failing.
Me - i am online.
Boss - your phone doesn't count. Get to a computer.
I am like WHAAAATTTT?.
This is stupid, how am I supposed to show my work projects in my portfolio if my boss insists on using a fucking non responsive css library.1
Boss opens ticket, describes a generic problem with something.
Boss posts another one 15 minutes later, saying "this happens with X [which is of same type], too".
Boss changes plan & schedule for this year's projects at least 5 times within 3 weeks.
Since everything changes so frequently, would you mind making the following changes as well:
1) Give everyone a better PC/Mac
2) Get a better PM
3) A sales team that can sell things
Or maybe a more creative, decisive and organised boss so we can have all 3 wishes at once just like Kinder Surprise
When you are underpaid, you boss treats you well. Grants you everything you wish, etc.
After one year, when you request a raise, and asking to be paid NEAR the salary you deserve, and after you agree, he starts to act cold.
Been basically doing QA for the past month after finishing my website, today my boss hits me with a "implement these few more 'small' features"; I leave for school in two days😑
I get all the time shouts by boss that I don't test the application, if he doesn't have testing team does it apply on me programmer to test everything?4
Boss isn't a person.
It's not a name.
It's a feeling.
It's an emotion.
It's something that you are afraid of even in ur dreams.
It's something that pushes you, shouts at you, criticises you, shouts at you again, but at the end he gives you appreciation, money and fame(sometimes).
No matter how shitty the pay is, it is something. Better than nothing.
If you don't like it, go to another boss.
BE YOUR OWN BOSS.2
I really like my boss, but...
whenever he is in the meeting it takes instead of 5-10 minutes about 45-60 minutes.
and we have 3 meetings a day... I'm glad I can just keep working now as I am in homeoffice
If you really wanna avoid being stuck .. make sure a hot coffee gets spilled on your boss right before an important discussion ,so that you can keep his/her shit at bay
When your boss asks what you're working on and you say "Fixing a bug that causes new subscriptions to be prorated to line up with old ones." and he says "Terrible. Needs immediate fix."
"I know! That's what I'm doing!!"1
Having to sit through a debate between my lead and boss about how to implement something trivial like front end validation in a non-public facing part of our system. Or worse, working on something as per my lead's instructions only to have my boss tell me its all fucking wrong and to start over.
Boss: I want you to create a document management application
Me: that would be take a lot of time and it is better if you use an already created app for that
Me: because my partner and I have never done one before and we are just a beginners
Boss: shouldn't be a problem...
Both of us: (really?)
Well, it's complicated. There was two of them and they were both great but which one I should declare as the "best boss" depends on who was actually the boss. There was always a power struggle between the two of them. He was always there for us in good times and bad. He knew when it was appropriate to lay down the law and when to let things slide. She was often away but we knew that behind the scenes she was the one that kept everything afloat. We looked up to both of them, they both deserve credit.
If I have to choose though... it was definitely Tony.
Working on a project for 2 months now, and still got another 2 to go. I am doing all the work since creating and managing the database, all the html, css, js and php needed, dealing with the client, go to meetings, etc... The client paid my "boss" €4000 and my "boss" is only gonna pay me 12.5% of it.2
Glad ml is being used to save one's ass by switching screen when boss approaches!
I guess it's a well known classic stress-relief game, but just in case somebody doesn't know it and need it:
I still play it from time to time2
Start to work. 15 minutes in boss comes in "do you have a second to guide me through this random part of our online company made software I sell to clients daily because I can't be bothered to use my brain or read any documentation" 2 hours later get back to work...15 minutes in boss comes in again.
FML why can't anybody understand that people need time to get their work done.
End of release cycle: why isn't feature xy finished, you said it should be finished this cycle of no one distracted you to much1
When you feel like crap but your boss might make you work on the weekend, unpaid, if you take the day off. -_-4
That moment when you realise that your boss is not understanding anything about development and cancel all features... :|
Ok so this is more like a question than a rant
Have you ever gotten to close to your boss and how did it turn out for you?
Currently im as close as you can get without marrying her but we have trouble separating work from our private life...
Any advice or stories that you can share would be much appreciated1
Biggest coding distraction, when you're in your zone and your boss calls you in for a meeting just to tell you how amazing his holiday was.
why almost every time the team manager/boss/... is a fucking retard that don´t know the tech of the current century?2
Many times in life I experienced situations that are depressing to me yet I'm not partially or totally conscious about it.
I have a very good example that I'm actually experiencing right now: me reporting the progress of a task to my boss and getting no response from him.
He has gone on these "ignoring sprees" in the past already and for the current one, it's been like four consecutive ignores.
I guess it's depressing for two reasons:
1) I feel like my work has no importance or value, which drags me down.
2) Sometimes he also tries to rush which I consider pretty hypocritical of him. because I have to basically not complain about it to not endanger this job relationship my family dearly depends on, I have to shut up and feel frustrated. (keep in mind i'm a south am person working for a us company and I was very lucky to get this job).
For some reason I just don't notice as easily how awful it makes me feel, but I wished I could fucking tell this straight into his fucking face:
You wanna be a boss? Be a fucking boss and check on my fucking progress.
I'm considering getting into security and going for bug bounties online.
My advice to those juniors working with their boss,
if u tried to get close to him/her for any reasons,
don't become friend with each other.
just don't ask why?😏5
Explained my boss what callbacks are
Kudos for me because i showed this as well
My boss is the fucking stressful part of my team, he doesn't do nothing and just try to feel you as an idiot with your job >¤<
When your boss asks question about errors in a project and says he's trying to figure out what causes the problems. If I knew the problems I would already had let them fixed.