Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

😂😂......if you ever did this raise your hands

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

GF: "The Internet is broken!"
Me: "WHAT?! Sound the horn! Raise the alarm! Call gondor for aid! The Internet is broken! Does the president know?! Save yourself fools!"
*skips away on pretend horse*

So it’s not been announced yet so I can’t tell anyone else other than my wife but I need to say it somewhere and this is anonymous....

I’VE JUST BEEN PROMOTED!! Technical Lead!!! And a 14% raise!!

Yay!!!

First day at work:
To install IDE - raise a ticket.
To get access to source control - raise a ticket.
To get access to bug tracker - raise a ticket.
To raise a ticket, I need first to connect to the intranet, but to do that, I need to raise a ticket.
AND even before that, I need a username to login to my laptop, raising a ticket is also required.
WTF?!!!

They're giving multiple projects to work on and it's so fucking hard to remember workflow of 4-5 projects while working on side projects as well

Raise your hand if you visit Devrant atleast before sleeping and after waking up.

I got a raise 😊

Someone on my Facebook was boasting that he now has 1Gb internet speed.

Turns out he bought a 1Gbit ethernet card for his PC and thought that alone would raise his broadband speed..

My boss can't differentiate between a raise and arrays

My last promotion was a 2% raise for a hell of a lot more responsibility

Guess who's updating their CV 🙃

Wife : Lets try some other position tonight.

IT support guy : raise a ticket for change request

Who has got system like this.. Raise your hands 😂

I did get a raise but we also hired like 5 new people... But I still do the same amount of work... Which was already too much...

based on true story
> delivered project on time
> giving good performance
> boss noticed
> gives appreciation
> raise in salary
> profit

I've got new job offer with different company. New technologies and better culture, 30% pay raise. And my current manager counter offer is "You will hate it there and you will leave in 3 months".

Company: Bobby you saved the company millions of dollars this year!!! Great job.

Me: So...how about that extra 2k per year raise.

Company: Um well it just doesn't seem to be in our budget this year.

So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.

Enjoy.

I wrote my resignation letter yesterday, all’s good.

Today, bossman walks in:
“I’ve got some great news, all our developers are getting a raise”

Me: *well shit*

1) I accepted this job for way way less money than market value.

2) Approached boss about having performance review because I had been here over 12 months and no one brought it up to me.

3) Had performance review where they offered a big raise (12% but still way under market value)

4) I countered asking for market value and showed aggregate research (30% increase)

5) A week later we meet again and they offer 23%.

6) That's where we ended at, pretty surprised they offered that much, but glad. I wasn't looking forward to looking at other jobs to catch up to market value.

7) Feeling pretty good considering I've never negotiated anything before.

Had a performance review with my boss .... got a promotion and a raise 😊

A friend of mine went to her boss and said that she will quit if she won't get 50% salary raise - boss said ok. She told about it her working colleague so he went to the boss and said 50% or I'll quit - boss said cleanup your desk...

Today I was 25 years old, asking for a raise or a opportunity to reach the next level of my career.

My department manager simply said:
"I'm sorry, but in terms of salary you have already reached the end of your career."

Bye then :)

Was just asked to take on even more work. Asked for a raise. "there's no room in the organization for a new position". Yes, but you can still pay me more.

I'm not comfortable enough to do more work without more pay. Sorry.

We'll see what happens.

Just accepted a new position with a raise!

Feels good.

When i ask for a raise -

Boss : Are u joking ? I can see u hardly working.

When I ask for a leave -

Boss : Are u joking ? Who will do your work ?

!rant

So my employer just offered me a 57% raise out of the blue!
Last Friday, I got a meeting invite from the CEO (its a small 15 person company, so he looks after most of the management stuff) titled "{{myname}} - Salary Review". No agenda there. I was fuckin scared that maybe my salary will be chopped short due to the virus and shit. They recently let go of one guy in my team, and are about to hire two new guys. Also, my last raise was this January. So I didn't think any good could come out of this meeting.

I joined the zoom and he asked if I was happy with the current salary. I said "yes" like an idiot, but added that the prices in my country are rising a lot. He made smalltalk on costs of groceries and Corona and my family, and that was it. 57%.

I was smiling like a dumbass at the end of the meeting. This guy is like the Hyman Roth of this business.

Sometimes I wish I was allowed to just strangle my colleagues...

Example from the 'code base':

try:
do_something()
except Exception as e:
log(e)
do_something()

When I asked why they would redo the same call right after it failed I was told that 'It works the second time because it takes time to raise the Exception '.

Bitch, you've got a race condition in your sensitive banking software. You know it's there. Do you really want to trust the time needed to raise your exception will always be enough to synch that dumpster fire you call code?
Show some fucking respect for your craft and fix that shit. But of course they won't, because it will work flawlessly until it suddenly stops working. Taking down who knows what in this damn, undocumenred monolith with it....

Sometimes I'm honestly afraid to trust banks with my money.

!rant

Got pulled into a meeting with my PM at 4:30 yesterday. Was a bit worried (been feeling some imposter syndrome recently), but then he starts out, "These are my favorite meetings to have." I got a pretty big raise! Totally unprompted. I love my job and my PM.

Ever been at a company that makes you feel worthless and useless? To add to that, have a director who has physically assaulted you? Company refuses to train, but demands that certain set of skills. Won't give a raise but has literally millions in funds for advertising. Yeah. Fuck that.

Manager A : "You've done a great job, you'll get a X raise"
Manager A: "I was not able to negotiate it, but you'll get a X bonus to compensate for it"
*Manager A leave the society*
Manager B: "A bonus? Never heard of it"
Me : Resign.

Vertical + horizontal desk community, raise your hands up✌️✌️

Went for a raise. Got more than I wanted (but negotiated so boss thinks he got himself a deal). Fells good 😀
On the other side, with that I just reached lower end of average developer's wage in Poland...

My insurance company sending me the payment slip by post with my username and password to the online account for easy access. How sweet of them. 10/10 customer satisfaction.

I see your "Storing passwords in plain text". I raise you to "sending passwords via post in plain text".

Raise your comment ✋

Chrome, For the last fucking time!

I do NOT want to translate English from French to English!!!

Wtf is wrong with you?
English is French, German is French, did I miss the raise of the global French empire?

FFS!

Are you done yet?
Is it ready for review ?
How far?
Any updates?
When can I check?
We are wasting time..
How long will it take ?
Are you saying this will take 2 days to complete?
😪😪😪
Pls raise a cup with me if you can relate.
Add yours too.

I love companies that only use titles like 'Analyst'. Then, they can make you work as a developer, business analyst, tester, help desk, or project manager and there's no way you can ask for a raise or promotion

My devGoals for 2018:
- Build a RESTful API with NodeJS just for learning.
- Finish my first product (electronics sideproject).
- Convert more people to use CraftCMS or at least not use Joomla or WP.
- Get a raise.
- Add Continuous Integration to more projects.
- Add more unit testing where appropriate.
- Create and release a mobile app.

To be continued...
*playing to be continued meme sound*

HR manager: we just realized we underpaid you a lot in the last 4 years, for all the job you are doing. You'll get 30% pay rise from now on.

Outer Me: thanks, great!
Inner Me: ....shit...

I got the raise, I looked for another job and found it in 4 months. 60% pay raise, better role.

After 6 months at this company, I finally got a raise! They sure know how to make a dev happy 🍻🍻🍻

Big "company summit" this week where everyone flies in and we discuss the future of the company (sadly not over drinks). I might be getting promoted with stock and pay increase, and allowed to hire another dev.

Yet, here I am, updating and sending out my resume, and hoping for something, anything.

A 30% raise wouldn't be enough to deal with all of this madness.

A pay raise. It's creative enough.

2 colleagues left the company and I got a pay raise, so that I stay. Getting more money without the fuss of changing jobs is awesome.

I met with the CTO of a local tech company today for a beer, at the recommendation of a friend who currently works at the company. They're looking for Software Engineers and wanted to see if I'd be a good fit.

I'm not actively looking to leave my current job, as I love it there. I was just curious to see what other opportunities were out there.

After the beer, he pretty much offered me the job on the spot for $30,000 to $40,000 more than my current salary, along with benefits. When I asked if there was any sort of technical interview, he said that this meeting was actually the technical interview, and that by the time he had finished his first beer, he could already tell that I would be a good fit. He wants me to meet with his Lead Architect and CEO soon just to see if we all click and then we'll go from there.

The only problem is that I really love my current company. I love the work, the atmosphere, the autonomy, and my coworkers. But an extra $30k to $40k per year is a lot of money.

If everything works out and they give me an official written offer, I'm going to see if my current job will counteroffer. I know my boss would happily counteroffer if he's given authorization from the higher-ups, it's just a matter of exactly how much they're able to counteroffer.

When manager is happy with what I am saying and intern tries to raise hands

Boss told me he couldn't raise my salary, since according to him, I was already overpaid. Months later they suddenly outsource some positions, including mine. I got 6 months with payment as a parachute. But I also got a new job that pays $15 000 more each year...!

It's nice to have double salary for 6 months...

:)

Just put my job on the line today and went to my boss's, boss's, boss's boss to raise concerns and protect my team from terrible management. He apologized to me and has scheduled a meeting to talk to the team to let them know they are valued. Sounds like middle management is going to get a talking to. Fingers crossed.

Raise your hand if you agree

0. Get a raise
1. Nove out
2. Learn GoLang
3. Have a threesome
4. More weed
5. Build a blockchain project

I asked my manager for a compensation adjustment today since my peers at the same tenure and experience as me were making $30,000 more than me. They said no since I haven't worked on any big projects yet and the projects that were big enough, I didn't do it by myself so they don't count.

I'm not sure if they know how software teams work... I'm pretty sure we make software for TEAMs...

Simply put.. I asked for a raise in my salary and I got more than I expected. Praise the lord!

Today I decided to quit my job. Yesterday I had my yearly review couldn't be more perfect, I did everything they asked me for and more (help with recruitment, animate conferences, work very late a lot of time, work during my vacation days...) yet to be surprised that I will only have 3% raise (on a low salary). I feel not valued and I was very disappointed :(

I was about to ask my manager to roll me out off the project in my company.. it has been 4 years .... Yesterday he came and told me he is going to give me an big fat Raise !

Everytime someone compliments me on my work all I can't think of is:

- ok,ok, shut the fuck up and give me a raise already.

!rant
I just asked for a 42% raise having an already good salary and got it easily.

The best thing? I helped this company grow so much I barely work half the time I used to due to the newly hired workforce. I can work on my own projects so much.

Got a new job this week with a huge raise at an awesome new company! It's wonderful being paid what you're worth! Now if the current company can just fire me so I can have a two week vacation, that'd be great.

Got a 5$ raise... Didn’t see this coming. More money for the govs and bitcoin investment, yeah!!

My career is going well. I was really prepared for a small inconsequential raise. But my manager literally doubled what I was expecting (was expecting just inflation match). Awesome 😆 now time to rapidly build a real proper emergency fund and my savings faster than ever

What if the long term goal of @trogus and @dfox is to create a developer army, hell bent on the destruction of project managers and clients everywhere (except the cool ones).

I mean I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Just wanted to... You know.... Raise some attention.

I got a crap raise — lowest I’ve ever gotten anywhere, and well below inflation — despite busting my butt, having somewhat better health and therefore productivity, etc.

I complained to my boss about it, and said it was insulting. He said that direct managers have zero say in raises, and instead it’s entirely up to execs and HR. Makes sense, since nothing makes sense at this company.

Anyway, he apparently talked to his boss, who talked with his boss, who talked with the execs and HR, and they decided to give me a raise on my raise, a whole $1k/year more, all the way back up to the usual insultingly-low 3%. Yay.

Their reasoning?
“Money is tight.”

The last all-hands?
“Record profits! Record sales! Record numbers across the board! And most of all: record profits! Give yourselves a round of applause for making this all possible!”

Money is tight, eh?
I hope they get smushed by a meteor, given a snuggle-struggle by a roving Somali gang, or kept warm for the rest of their lives by another Hawaiian/Californian wildfire.

That moment you realise you’re on holidays and you’re still fucking working 🤦‍♂️

I think I need a raise for this shit,

Fuck yea, got a raise bigger than expected! Not a lot more, but it atill feels good man

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

When support guys don't even read documentation and directly raise P1 bug

I call your web design problems and raise you my html email design problems.

Fucking outlook.

Bug: Call
Me: I see, I call your 'bug' and raise you a 'Fix'
Bull: Raise 200
Me: Fold :/

Found out a senior dev threw me under the bus for a mistake I made while coding and it affected my raise. Not only was I never initially informed of the mistake, I was never told what went wrong and why it needed fixing. We also don't implement code reviews or anything of the sort. Seems like a great avenue for improvement and growth, right? 😑

I just deleted 3.5TB of junk data from S3, effectively saving my company about 88 dollars.

I feel so fucking good.

Think I'm going to ask for a raise😂

all the brave souls who are deploying today -- raise your hands!

😆 Raise Your Hands if this is Your Situation 😆

#WorkFromHomeLife

Companies/Managers be like:
No, you cannot get a significant raise for being the best dev on the team. (EoY reviews from colleagues)
We would rather hire someone for more than you are asking for to do the same thing, then wait 3 months for them to become productive again.
So you can leave for some random position in another company that will pay more than you'd get here, even after the raise you've asked for.

Why?

I’m 42 years old and you can't imagine how complicated it has become to get a job in Latin America, they make you feel old and disposable. But I have a son to raise and I will not rest until I find a better job.

Not being able to raise volume of my laptop with only one hand because the fn and f11 keys are just one hand and 3mm apart really kills me !

!rant

One day Boss was doing code review of my work
Boss to me: What the fuck dev1!?!? All efforts I spent to quit smoking and your XML routine gave me cancer anyway!

Another day, a colleague needed to make change to a program that hasn't been changed in looong time and sees a commit from our Boss done 15yrs ago!!!

Dev2 to Boss: Boss this signal catching routine sucks dicks! How did you become a our Boss?
Me to dev2: He sucked as many dicks as his routine did
Boss to us: Oh look! Performance appraisal is due this week. Bye-bye 7.5%

Here 7.5% referring to pay raise that is average pay raise

CTO 3 months ago:
- You will get a raise after 9 months of work according to your KPI (98%) and bonus (size of one month pay check)
HR today:
- NO

FUCKITY FUCK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WORKED HARD AT NIGHTS AND SACRIFICED MY FREE UNPAID TIME FOR NOTHING, THANKS

Top 10 Signs You're Approaching Dev Burnout (incomplete):

(?/10). You get these random silly urges to quit your job to go live on a farm and raise goats, never to look at another pull request/bug/network issue/DevOps dashboard again

What the fuck, I got a raise last December, which should be reflected in today's paycheck, but it ain't.

Fucking dickheads, let's see what's going on here.

Worst: I lost development contract - probably due to covid - after 4 years of work. I got email when I was at bank seconds before signing mortgage for my first apartment.
I signed it anyways as a technically unemployed person without income looking at the world collapsing.

Best: I gained new contract with 40% money raise. Fuck yeah !

!rant;

I'm so sad today. I completely lost my confidences in what I do. I recently I created an app , spent 72 hours doing that , made the app as simple as possible, The intention is clear , to help those who are in need during this pandemic.

Recently my country have the campaign (initiate by the people) raising white flags for help (food, financial help). Since our government begin to arrest those who raise their flag for help and summoned them for MYR 3000 .

So I thought making a platform where people can raise their flag digitally might be easy, but I go rejected .

Well in Malaysia, No one give a fuck about you unless you are a celebrity . Sometimes I wish I am , therefore I do changes. But unfortunately I am just a 25 year old self taught software engineer but not someone with PHD or fame .

Fuck me.

Manager: we have reached record sales this month, thank you for your hard work guys.

Employee: can I get a raise?

Manager: your greed is hurting the company.

Employee: but I worked here for 3 years

Sorry bitch raised her voice at me because “it’s ITs job to change a lightbulb!” BITCH! I will shove that fucking lightbulb down your throat.... and I’ll make damn sure it busts so you NEVER raise your annoying fucking voice at me again.

What I've learned from my boss
-UI is easy to change, it's only css
-It is always low level programmer fault
-Management is never wrong
-You have to be early for them to be extra late
-Complex thing have to be simple
-Being straightforward is only one way
And lastly never ever expect a raise

You guested it, I don't work there anymore! Fuckin cunt

My company's logic:

If your account gets locked, you need to raise a ticket using the company portal. In order to access the portal, you need to enter your credentials.

I asked my boss for a raise. Since we're data scientists, I basically plotted a column chart showing that he was paying me half of the european average. I said I was willing to negotiate but he was very 'discomfortable'.

Time to go find another job. Or second one 😭

Unexpected appraisal.
Unexpected pay raise.
Unexpected "senior keyboard monke" badge update.

🤔

Unexpected stuff is unexpected.

How the fuck does a company get away with making a junior doing the work as a senior. I need a raise and probably a beer

Random Person in Company Slack: "Hi! Good Morning. How are you?"
Me (in my head): "Just raise a ticket...." 😓 😓

Kinda rant, kinda not.

At the start of this year all of my colleagues left company beacause of low raise. This process took like 3 months. After that I automatically became most senior in our team with 8 months of experience in my current company and 3 years total. It was rough days and still is. One downside is some days I can't even touch my own development tasks. Sometimes I ask for other developers help and assign them tasks. I'm evolving into team lead I guess. Yeah, more like junior team lead. But after few weeks I got a call from our cto and he told me they are raising my salary even I had a raise just 3 months ago. And he told me it will be raised again soon. Even my workload increased I'm still kinda having fun. I think its a bit early for me to be good at this role but I'm learning how to manage people :) Well, at least I got a raise

I saw your obiglated setup photo, i raise you my work cubicle.

Just got a phone call that slapped me with a raise and I was in such a shit mood today and I’ve got fucking flu... a raise is just what I needed

Raise your exception if you love mechanical keyboards.

You know you have some power, when your boss asks you for your opinion and advice about how to structure an upcoming project and which technologies and frameworks to use.

Give me that raise already.

Wohoo!!! Boss is paying me more!

Still a bargain for the level of work I’m doing but at least it is more reasonable.

Tonight do not forget to raise a glass to Ops, oncall developers, DBAs and devops, field engineers, warehouse operators. Thanks to them, we can afford to meet the new year properly.

They are working tonight so we wouldn't have to.

Cheers

Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM

Got a raise today and promised a promotion next year. Feels good!

It’s a pretty good feeling when you’ve been sweating deadlines, stay in late, worrying about users, testing, maintaining a list of projects as long as your arm but your boss comes to you and low key asks you to be CTO of the company. It’s a small company so we don’t officially have that title but that’s the role I’ll be filling!

"So Alecx, how did you solve the issues with the data provided to you by hr for <X> application?"

Said the VP of my institution in charge of my department.

"It was complex sir, I could not figure out much of the general ideas of the data schema since it came from a bunch of people not trained in I.T (HR) and as such I had to do some experiments in the data to find the relationships with the data, this brought about 4 different relations in the data, the program determined them for me based on the most common type of data, the model deemed it a "user", from that I just extracted the information that I needed, and generated the tables through Golang's gorm"

VP nodding and listening intently...."how did you make those relationships?" me "I started a simple pattern recognition module through supervised mach..." VP: Machine learning, that sounds like A.I

Me: "Yes sir, it was, but the problem was fairly easy for the schema to determ.." VP: A.I, at our institution, back in my day it was a dream to have such technology, you are the director of web tech, what is it to you to know of this?"

Me: "I just like to experiment with new stuff, it was the easiest rout to determine these things, I just felt that i should use it if I can"

VP: "This is amazing, I'll go by your office later"

Dude speaks wonders of me. The idea was simple, read through the CSV that was provided to me, have the parsing done in a notebook, make it determine the relationships in the data and spout out a bunch of JSON that I could use. Hook it up to a simple gorm golang script and generate the tables for that. Much simpler than the bullshit that we have in php. I used this to create a new database since the previous application had issues. The app will still have a php frontend and backend, but now I don't leave the parsing of the data to php, which quite frankly, php sucks for imho. The Python codebase will then create the json files through the predictive modeling (98% accuaracy) and then the go program will populate the db for me.

There are also some node scripts that help test the data since the data is json.

All in all a good day of work. The VP seems scared since he knows no one on this side of town knows about this kind of tech. Me? I am just happy I get to experiment. Y'all should have seen his face when I showed him a rather large app written in Clojure, the man just went 0.0 when he saw Lisp code.

I think I scare him.

Finally getting a raise. 90% salary increase, feels good.
Feels like I can finally start saving for a home and stuff. Too scared of STDs to blow it in hookers so nothing left but investment and savings.
Also messed up and posted as a question.

When you get a raise and promotion but you get indirectly told that it wasn't well deserved and now you'll have to up your game to justify it. :-/

Worst fight?

Stubborner against stubbornest.

About a focking fact that was trivially true or false. Fun fact: it didn't matter anyway.

Boy, did we raise our voices and attract the attention of everybody in the room. Lesson learned.

In knew it was bad at the time, but holy shit have I realised how shitty my last job was!

Underpaid (though still not doing too badly), underappreciated, and no promotion or raise despite promises of one for over a year. Of course the minute I handed in my notice, they immediately offered me a 15k raise and "oh, we can get you involved in the management side in 6 months".

Guess what bitches, my new job * is * being a manager, and I get a 20k pay rise. 2 weeks in and I'm loving it, wish I'd switched sooner!

The catch is, I'm now a manager. Does this make me the future bad guy?

Last week I got assigned to an important AND interesting project!

Today I got a raise!

2019 is starting off nicely :)

Currently working as student part timer on a company that I really like.
When I'll finish my bachelor's degree, I will have been there for about 2-3 Years, additional to my 5 years working prior to that as a developer.

Today I learned, that our company doesn't usually pay the market price for devs (not a huge company, 150 employees, so it's understandable).
So now I don't know what to shoot for when discussing a raise after my degree. Should I still aim for market price? Should I argue with that and hope for the best?
I'm really unsure about that stuff...

*3 weeks after going back and forth with HR, technical interviews, 10 days of working on a whole ass complex project alone etc*

Interviewer: you're hired. Your initial salary will be $500/month and as you progress we can give you a raise

Me: ...i feel like i just got slapped with a dick across the face and spat on with a huge phlegm

During the 3 years I've been in this job I have had one pay increase.

My manager has gotten 2 raises and 2 promotions (which each come with a pay raise) during that same time.

My company really knows how to make you feel unappreciated.

How people chat with their girlfriend-

BOYS - chat on WhatsApp

Men - calls directly on phone

Programmers -Raise an Issue & comment on GitHub😂😜

>Installed a new graphics card (thanks santa <3)
>Boots into Ubuntu
>Try to SSH. No route to device.
>Log in locally. "Failed to start raise network interfaces"
>ok.
>find out that installing graphics card renamed enp2s0 to enp3s0.
>ok.

When you estimate development time for a feature and management asks: "But aren't there widgets or sth that you can... [you raise an eyebrow] like... drag and drop or something...?"

So those of you who have seen some of my previous rants will know that the past 2 years, I've been "employementally" challenged. I am now very happy to report that I've gotten a contract renewal at my current job. The terms are exactly the same but 3 extra days of anual leave and a 7% raise!

Me: This is going to be a big issue

*Crickets*

Me: (X10) Raise same issue

*Crickets*

Suddenly my Friday starts with two teams going "HEY THIS IS AN ISSUE!"

Me: No shit? I never would have guessed. See you when I get back from vacation!

FUCK YOU PHP, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GIVE ME DECEMBER 1ST WHEN I DO
strtotime('-1 month', '12/31/2015)
USING DateTime PRODUCES THE SAME FUCKING RESULT. ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR WHAT?
YEAH I KNOW NOVEMBER DOESN'T HAVE 31ST BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST RETURN 30TH OR EVEN RAISE A WARNING, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Just spent like 5 minutes trying to figure out why my page would raise a blob not found in the console, then finally checked the actual origin script headers and saw this, fuck.. I should go sleep.

>be me, working at IBM as CC operator
>onboarding freeze, people leaving team, not enough operators
>take extra workload to sustain monitoring
>no raise
>team gets merged with other CC team(different customers)
>take over of developing full workload automation project
>no raise
>sick coworker, have to take more extra workload to cover monitoring
>get tiny raise
>coworker gets the same raise for only one extra workload
>be expected to do both programming and monitoring for the little salary
>too autistic to quit
>too autistic to confront my mamager with this

What do, devRant?

Raise your hand if your ready for the GDPR on the 25th may.

Raise your glass if your getting shitfaced so you don't have to think about how many ways you're not.

Company Motto: “Business is simple, hire amazing people and let then do their thing”

Company Culture: You can’t do that!! It’s really hard and expensive to hire people with those skills! How would we replace you or save money by continuing to not give you a raise if you did that!?

When there is no Grow potential at your position
Boss is not willing to give you a raise. And any other place earns 1.5x more at least with better benefits.

But you really like the position and colleagues.

That is a difficult decision to make.

TFW you come into work and told you got a raise 😁

So, i live in Venezuela, a country with a lot of economical and political issues. Back in December I talked to my boss an ask for a pay raise, he talked me a lot of shit about economical issues his has been having with the Enterprise and give my a raise plan til July (starting in December).

Now he comes to me and tell me he can't afford to pay me the rest of the raise, because he's now in difficult times. The funny thing is I've talked to him many times to point it out some things that are bad and will cause him money loss.

I really don't want to go because I love the people I'm working with (they have the same problem that I) but is fucking frustrating when all is going wrong and you have some ideas to solve it, ideas you have searched a lot and came with a plan after a bunch of investigation, you come up with the plan everybody seems to love it but after that nobody applies it.

I think there is no much more I can do

I see your cable hell and raise you my cable hell

(This is my PS4 + PSVR setup + some other stuff in my living room)

Got a weird bug report, 6 red bull later i'm a energizer bunny on speed. But have found and fixed a severe underlaying bug. Can't believe noone had noticed for years.

Now i'm afraid to report it to my boss cause it most likely costed us a lot of money over time. And I just got shafted in the pay raise so my loyalty is low.

Now I can finally say that Linux is the best os I've ever used.
It's is just awesome. Everything can be controlled here easily. No fuss in installing and stuff. I wish I had started using this OS right from the beginning. Thank you to all the members of Linux community.
Linux community raise your hands up.

I feel like I need to morph into an octopus to keep efficiently doing my work.
Too few hands, too few brains...

And I just can't fucking focus on 5 things fucking simultaneously...

I was coding.
-> Customer calls
-> New ticket with higher priority
-> I get back to coding
-> Boss calls, do ticket first
(Rinse and repeat)

I don't even know if I'm able to at least get a raise as a trainee, but our company only has two (2) developers right now, including me... And since our senior left, we do a fuckton more work.

I do way more than other trainees in my class and compared to some other colleagues, seriously.

In any case, we got reviews and feedback rounds with our bosses next week, and I wrote a DIN A4 page of reasons why I want to get at least a small raise.

Not gonna read it off, of course, but gonna go along it...
Wish me luck.

So two guys at the company I work for just quitted, We were 4 in the "dev" department, 2 front end and 2 back end, now we're just 1 front and 1 back, should I try to get a raise?? I've been working steady for 8 months now.

!rant
Hopefully I'm getting an early promotion this month and moving to a city I wanted to 😄

Also got a glowing review from the boss to be read by his boss.

Gonna negotiate the raise tonight. Naturally, I'm super happy, so I Thought I'd share. Wish me luck.

Join a company 18 months into lockdown
Get frustrated at the lack of internal discussion
Raise issue with management
Get ignored
Go to Christmas party
Talk to people that have been dealing with this all through lockdown
Suggest steps to improve
Get bombarded with comments from people that are way more frustrated than me, have been dealing with this way longer
???
Profit

IBM, because I work in there.
Well maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I didn't work at command centre. From the beginning I did my best to get a promotion, but it resulted in me having shitton of workload and no raise. Maybe it's just shitty management tho. But still.

Any fun self-hosted app or useful services you guys use on your own server?

For some weeks I have started to host my own git repository with gogs and take continious development into my control with jenkins and feel pretty neat.

Now I understand why my grandmother loves to raise her own food even when she could buy everything in the supermarket.

Got a 50% raise but have to learn VB in the next month. Any good places to start?

When you leave a great job for a big raise only to realize the pay is so good because you have to deal with a monster manager with a god complex.

Ugly(beautiful for me) fact of remote working: I asked for a highly deserved raise. Manager said I should be concerned for my job safety rather than raise. I couldn't get the raise but I increased my hourly rate in another way.

My salary didn't get a raise but my mood had.

So, you are telling me that I should motivate myself? For working in a dead end job with no scope of promotion, no imminent raise, ever changing job requirements, layoffs, empty cubicles, zero SDLC process in place, no oversight from upper management, it is somehow my fault for me being late to work everyday?

One of these days, I'm going to fling my resignation paper at your face and drop the mic!

Man, Fuck you son!

Imagine your manager saying to you: "I've reviewed your salary and I think we are paying you too little, so I would like us to negotiate your raise." - and then proposing a larger sum than you were expecting.

Raise your hand if you work in an open office landscape and fucking hate it

Raise, zero releases on weekend, not mentioning for once that ChatGPT/Bard said this or that ...etc

I swear once ChatGPT gave my boss the exact opposite of what is mentioned in the documentation and I had to literally share the link of the docs so that boss believe me ...

Yesterday, I asked for a double raise of my salary from mine p.manager.

I told him that I had an offer from another company with double salary.So we discussed the possibilities to have a good raise without changing company. He told me that can't be sure for my salary plan, but he will try to do the best.

I am still working in same company with same salary.

Who was bluffing better? 😑

2021 was really rough, saw friends going over the deep end with burnout, significant incidents to handle and a shitty manager to deal with.

It wasn't about blood and tears, it was about commuting 4 hours/day mid-pandemic to be present in the office and respond to an incident whilst having to deal with a bunch of heroes thinking they were part of a CSI: Cyber episode.

All of that just to be said that my raise "would be enough to keep me from looking elsewhere" as my manager said they were very happy with my performance.

This week I found out exactly how much this appreciation is worth: 2%. And I should consider myself lucky with this number as my performance wasn't good enough to grant me any raise whatsoever.

feelsreallybad.png

I want to get into a job that I can sustain mentally while I raise a kid.

There are days when reading a book to a toddler after work is too mentally straining. How is it going to be when he wants help with school?

When someone was asking for a raise, our boss invited that person to his office, waiting with pen and big notepad, to explain in several pages why he cannot give it (taxes, expenses, excuses etc.)

When I went to give my resignation, he had to expect this will be another talk about a raise he refuse, cause the pen and notepad were ready, but this time he didn't had to write anything anymore.

What would you choose:

- 35% raise + professional growth

- flexible hours with occasional home office but no professional growth

?

I got a little jaded at work (the normal officer politics stuff), so I started doing less work, and reaching out to recruiters.

My boss noticed I was having a go, reached out and offered a raise and a new computer. I told him I'd have to research market value for the raise.

In the mean time I got an offer for 50% more than what I'm making now. I'm heading to him today with my research in writing. Either way I'm getting that raise!

Jeez maybe it's just me, not a very smart user, but after at least 6 years with iPhone5, just before changing it, I discovered how to raise the volume without logging in the phone first:

I press the home button, Siri show up, and THEN the fucking raise/lower audio buttons are working.

6 years typing the fucking pin just to raise the volume.
6 fucking years missing notifications and calls just because I forgot the fucking volume on the lower tone. Almost lost a girlfriend for that.

#!/bin/not-a-rant
What's the best site to look for contract work for developers ? I have a salaried position but want to moonlight to raise money for adopting a girl . My wife and I have had eight
miscarriages , and adoption is prohibitively expensive!

Okay so my ticket got rejected because the on screen texts are not in the correct case (upper/lower). Totally fair because nowhere in the spec are those texts defined. As a developer I am also responsible for what "makes sense" for the user.

I'm just gonna say this next time I ask for a raise.

I just found out that my company gives a lesser raise to higher paid employees so that eventually, everyone is paid around the same.

Guess I won't be staying here much longer.

"When my father passed away, he left me with a substantial inheritance that I used to ... " become an utter moron and buy crypto and then lo and behold, lose it all cuz daddy failed to raise me proper. 😐

There. I fixed the last scammer's prompt.

Wanted to leave but got a fat annual raise. Unsure how to feel now.

.raise {
   display: none;
}

Project Manager logic (the best kind).

PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.

Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.

PM: ... but he marked them all as critical

(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)

Being a parent I've come to the conclusion that my "career" isn't a priority, my kid is.

Thats also because I'm at a position wherein i know that even with a non 100% effort towards work i can still get substantial results

I've been thinking now that I've come to this conclusion, would i want to raise my child in a way that she herself comes to a similar conclusion eventually. As in follow a career path, grow, become a parent and realise your priorities aren't the ones you always thought they were.

Or should I raise her to be focused on life and not try to make a mark in the world.. by focusing on the little things and not the grand picture.

Parents only comments are suggested here

Is this happening only on my device or someone else too?
(For non OCD People - See the week banner in the image)
If it is with everyone with similar device config... We can raise an issue

Any time I feel like looking for something new because my salary is low, I remember that I would have to go through recruiters, HR, and job interviews and decide to just chill until the next raise.

No raise. Not like I single handedly rewrote one of our weirdest and most complex legacy code bases or anything... Oh and even so they whined about how long that took that's probably reason they'll cite if I ask about this lack of raise thing.

I mean, technically I got a little more just because the tax rates are different for the new financial year but come on

Don't you just hate it when your company's lead developer has so bad imposter syndrome, that he can't actually produce anything even moderately complex. Then it's you who has to fix his fuck-ups..I really need a raise.. :)

How does one ask for a raise without sounding desperate or an asshole?

Just found out I have more work than I can manage stacked up until mid 2018 - all for me and where I am a single point of failure. I have several manager fighting for me and some smaller pieces of work mixed in too.

Any advice on how to get a raise while my stock is high?

for the people saying they have devrant on the main screen or even to the once that have it in the quick actions (really nice idea) I raise you with this, I just have to push in the top left of my screen and it opens devrant.

During one of our typical 1on1s, my boss thanks me for my hard work these past few months, and said I'd be getting an almost 10% raise - I didn't even ask for it! 🙏

I had debug my perfectly working program.
Let me explain.
I wrote a python perform some calculations and return the result. In case the calculations were not successful, it would raise an error.
For some reason, it worked on all test cases: gave correct output with correct inputs and raised errors on non correct inputs but when I used it with another function, it just failed.
Turns out I had written 'return myExcetion' instead of 'raise my exception'.
Lol, I was almost gonna give up programming

Fun fact: Maldives government once held their meeting underwater to raise awareness of ocean levels problem that threatened their land.

I want to stop for a while, leave the city and go live somewhere quiet. Grow my own food and raise some cute chickies. Then I'll probably miss coding, but definitely not the corporate hellholes I worked and still work for. This is obviously not a goal for this year but my wish for before I turn 40.

How to fix issues the easy way:

1. Provide users a way to raise issues
2. Immediately respond to new issues saying you added them to the internal ticketing system
3. Wait till the affected product reaches EoL
4. Tell the customer you are sorry, but as the product is now after EoL, you cannot use any resources on fixing the issue
5. Close the issue

Absolute hate for clients who just go about “I want it today” and not realise or understand that it’s them who need to sort out their issues before we can do our part.

The worst part is that my project manager remembers nothing so I have to jump into these discussions and raise issues.

When you raise a ticket with your support team that your prod server is currently down and they mark it as a medium request, like dude... seriously?! Get it sorted ASAP paleaaaaase

One of new junior devs after his 3 month "trial period" was good enough to keep him so he went to boss to talk about his future.

He came back with big smile and told us how much of big raise he got (now earning as much as seniors)

I asked my boss what was so special about him, maybe we should improve somehow, he answered "He was yelling at me, what could I do?"

Now I know how to approach him next time I talk about a raise :p

My client installed a new proxy that severely blocks out most of their own intranet, including their IT service desk. We can't raise tickets to let them know and their email just redirects us to their service desk. Fuck me these guys are idiots.

some friend asked me today:
is it ok to lie to boss and say that I had a new job offer.. just to negotiate on the salary?

Me: post question on devrant

Asked for a raise today. Resulted in me getting told to fuck off.

Found this gem reccurently in the codebase;

except Exception:
raise Exception("badthingshappend")

Our only pretty good and uderpayed graphic designed did not get raise so in few days he found company that offered him 1.5 more as starting wage.. Now we will be left with no designer and half of our project being behind schedule cause of unfinished graphic design.. losing 4x more than was raise that designer asked for...

Srsly there are greedy bosses.. then there are retarded bosses... but when Greedy retards run company it is next level idiocracy

Female lead PM told me to another field to a already overcrowded screen, I slipped out the phrase: "Another one? It's already tighter than a Virgin just not as wet...."

Guess I just figured out why I didn't get a raise this year.

How to become the favourite client among your app devs in two simple steps

1 - raise a support ticket, stating that it really needs to be solved, the sooner the better, but omit any ids/names in the description.
2 - leave for a vacation, without any way to contact you.

Attended a game workshop session by Mark Skaggs, creator of Farmville. At one point he asked all the programmers to raise their hands. I love to code even though i aint an expert in backend db related code. I raised my hand. Then he asked all the designers to raise their hand. I love to graphic design as a hobby even though i aint an artist. I raised my hand again.
He noticed and said "Interesting..."

It made me question which trade i should focus more on. I still have years ahead to master them but should i give up one for the other?

Would be cool to hear your thoughts on this!

When your boss takes credit for an I idea you can up with. I better get a raise!

Oh Shit! Here we go again!

print(request_permissions)
>> [ ]

if request_permissions:
//some if shit
else:
raise 404

It was supposed to raise 404 for empty array, but continue to exit if.

Me: What the fuck?

**printing request POST data**
**empty, nothing wrong here**

**double checked print statement output**
** still printing [ ] **

**restart server and again checking print statement**
**still same**

Getting mad over myself, for failing to debug simple if else.

Wait....

print(type(request_permissions))
>> <class 'str'>
Me: What the actual fuck??

Fucker literally dumped empty array to JSON causing array to convert into string "[ ]" and still using if else based on array instead of string length.

Thanks to our Product Manager who approved our request to revamp this part of code and also revamping the whole shitty project developed by 3rd party in upcoming quarter.

I'm happy to be getting a raise, but why do I have to have lunch with the boss to get it? I don't want to hang out with him.

"raise UnknownException" –🌈🦄

Closure is LISP
LISP will raise again

We just launched our web app service a month ago, clients pay thousands for it! of course still no raise.

Senior dev: Complete task and raise PR immediately
2 week later: No review
FML

How many of you have asked for a raise? How many have gotten it? How big was it? Did you leverage another job offer? How long did you work until you got it?

Too many projects, too little time and didn't get a raise. So I now work on projects that people I like ask me to. Ignoring the other pm's while looking for a better job.

Where to start...
1) them initially expecting us to do 15+ custom websites at once while also doing the Project Management work (including all client communication) for all projects, for $33k a year....
2) Having to pull teeth to get a feeble raise
3) Rude clients

Yey I got a raise. From 55,000 to 56,500 annually. Go Junior me! Hahahaha. Not enough for California though but I’m grateful.

So after multiple hours of wrestling with Jira I finally managed to autofill fields in the service desk. How? By installing a plugin to show message boxes and injecting JavaScript through it, what else?

Fucking wonderful piece of crap :)

Next up: automatically capture errors triggered by employees with Sentry and raise Jira requests. "A button didn't work" isn't enough god damn it.

I am currently a backend developer at a company in the financial services industry. In January I approached the owners that I wanted to discuss a pay increase due to new skills I have o trained that they want. At first they were willing to meet the next day but the next morning wanted me to wait until review time. I told I was willing to wait as long as they would give me a date and time. Due to last review season being blind sided and having to have my review 10 minutes after getting back from vacation without warning. It hey did they didn’t have the times schedule yet so I waited till last week to request the time again since it’s one month away and they basically said we aren’t giving you a time we will call you when we get your time. I think they are stalling because I’m highly leveraged now and that don’t want to face the reality that I am due for a pay raise. What do you guys think

Tips on getting promoted on work:

1. Collect a list of all improvements and achievements that u did during your time in that workplace

2. Compare your output with your colleagues output, check their MR's, their complexity and compare with yours.

3. Talk with your manager about a raise. Tell him about your achievements, like maybe you are working on a wider scope than others. Maybe you are mentoring junior devs. Or maybe you deal with a bigger workload than others but still deliver on time. Maybe your communication is good or maybe you document stuff very well and in that way you make your team more efficient and increase team output. Whatever. Pitch and sell yourself. Also provide some personal reasons why you need a raise, like maybe u have kids or maybe your rent doubled. Inflation and so on. Selling point is that u are a human not a greedy bastard.

At the end of that talk the manager most likely will say that he needs to speak higher ups, he needs to gather feedback from your colleagues and so on. Give him a week or two if possible, no more.

He will probably get back to you with an offer. If there is none start applying, get an offer and put in your notice. In my case I waited 3 months for my raise to go through. I put in my notice, had a stressed call from manager, showed him my offer and my raise was arranged the next day.