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Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..
Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?
Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.
*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*
*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*
*Crickets chirp*
There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.
Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.10 -
Bored, stuck in a long ass meeting. When suddenly someone brings up the program I made. People start complementing it.
Today's gonna be a good day.
4 -
Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome! Talked a lot, had quite some drinks, had pizza and just fun in general!
At least one selfie was required imo so here it is :). Of course, we had to include Devy ;).
Also overlooked a comment from someone wanting their face censored so took the old post down and hereby an edited version.
112 -
One time I was in a meeting and the UX Director fell asleep (like he had done before) but this time did a little quiet snoring. I was cracking up. A few other people noticed but he was off to the side so most just tried not to wake him and eventually he woke up.5
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In a Skype meeting with a possible new employer.
Unlocks door after meeting and opens door. There stands my current CEO.
"You're locking your door?"
"Yep." *runs away*
Almost shit myself 😂13 -
Large corporation. CEO tells everyone to attend this mandatory meeting via the internet.
I work remotely. I can't log in, meeting is full. But our colleagues have made a parallel meeting just for us in the meantime, where I could hear them make fun of the meeting, which is basically the CEO showing some Powerpoint slides to a room with 10 people. Nobody can either see the slides (bad camera or connection) or hear the CEO (crap microphone). 1000+ people watching this "mandatory" meeting that lasted for an hour. Nobody had any idea what it was about in the end. Just slides and muffled voices. -
HR Project update meeting.
Duration: 1h
Content:
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.3 -
"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:
9 -
Alright, since the organizer for the European devRant meetup canceled it (let's not get butthurt/hating etc), I'd love to (with the help of some other people) organize one myself since I was really looking forward to it!
Question would be, who'd be up for it?
Location would most likely be Germany since that's the most central point.
I'd love to hear from you all!56 -
A: Hey, can we talk about X for 5 minutes?
B: Yes, sure. I'm joining the meeting
...
...
You have left the room:
Meeting duration: 1 hour and 15 minutes9 -
Have you ever had a recursive meeting? A meeting about a meeting, about a meeting, about a meeting...9
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Yesterday, I had a meeting to prepare today's meeting, which goal is to prepare tomorrow's meeting... 😣7
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Went to Vietnam to attend a client meeting. The meeting was in Vietnamese. Oh, and I don't speak their language.4
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Last meeting of the day was actually good. Managed to get to the point! Booking this room over and over again!
5 -
Arriving at the Hague very soon, can't wait to see all the dutch devvies and the Belgium one!
We'll keep ranting about this :)6 -
Dutch devRant meeting is on!
Although not that many people have confirmed they're coming, at least around 5 have.
Upcoming Saturday around 2pm well gather at the hague central station and from three on we'll see what we'll do :).
Can't wait guys'n gals!30 -
All,
Let's have a quick meeting about today's meeting so we can plan our meeting for tomorrows meeting. Thanks!
Thanks,
Kill myself
5 -
Dutch DevRant meeting was awesome!
Since quite some people couldn't do it today i also suggested to do a second day, tomorrow.
Just haven't gotten any response yet at all, so anyone in for that? If yes, sounds awesome, if no, no hurt feelings :)17 -
I had an old rant somewhere about the most unproductive meeting I’ve had.
It was when I joined a new team. I was asked to hold a meeting to solve the issue of why nothing gets done on time and nobody showed up to the meeting on time including the manager.1 -
Company organised a meeting with everyone for me to explain (again) why I'm leaving.
Basically participated to a meeting to say that I'm out of their company6 -
I'm currently 40h/week meeting attender. I'm not enjoying my life right now.
Today I have a meeting about the legal requirements of an invoicing system, in my role as database administrator — the meeting will mostly be lawyers bickering over what the addresses of subsidiaries look like on invoices and which taxes should apply to services provided across borders.
Wait, I can play Factorio during this meeting and say "yeah that sounds OK" once in a while. Not the worst job after all...10 -
I was called in our residents meeting because I was talking on the phone that "We should kill the childs first and if there are any orphans we should kill them,too".3
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I just had a 2 hours long company lunch followed by a 1 hour meeting with the whole team. And I still have a big problem to discuss with two colleagues. Too much social interaction for one day for me. Damn, how my head hurts.27
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On a holiday, Manager called for a sudden meeting to discuss an unimportant topic.
I pretended that my audio was not working. The meeting ended in 5 minutes and I went back to sleep.11 -
The whole devteam entering the meeting sitting there for a few minutes realizing the one who placed the meeting was not there. With questionmarks almost painted to our forheads we silently agreed on leaving and going back to what we did before the meeting.
-
Overheard 2 colleagues having an interesting telephonic meeting late night at my room.
Dev 1: Wait. I am trying to fix it.
Dev 2: Ok. Take your time
Dev 1: Shit. I found it. I knew I was doing something wrong here.
Dev 2: Oh. Nice. What was the bug?
Dev 1: It was a super silly mistake. Don't want to tell. Folks will laugh at me.
Dev 2: Don't worry. It happens with everyone. Come tomorrow at office, and whisper it in my ears. Noone will know.8 -
* online meeting *
Why are ya'll muted? We can't have a conversation if you're all muted. Just unmute yourselves.
* someone had a lot of background noise *
Huh? What's happening? What's that noise? I think someone is in a very noisy place. You know what? Just mute yourselves until you want to talk.
THATS WHAT WE WERE DOING YOU PRICK4 -
sync meeting:
dev: damn, the tests failed again
bossman: let's blame it on the neutrinos hitting the mainframe which flips a digit and causing the tests to fail this time!
dev: ok ...!3 -
Me: WFH today
Boss: No, meeting in boardroom
Come in, knowing already there's nothing for me to do until the meeting
Boss 5 minutes before meeting: Moving to Tuesday, didn't have time to p;rep and team lead tis off sick13 -
I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.
I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.
The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.
What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.
Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery. -
6 hours of weekly progress report meeting in client’s office EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
Yes it’s a progress report meeting that can be done via email or skype
Yes it takes 6 hours
When we go to the meeting, we have
1. The boss
2. The 1% PM + 99% sales guy
3. The secretary who document everything in that meeting
4. Me as a dev
The only thing i do is to answer “yes, that’s technicaly possible” or “no, that’s stupid” when the client ask for some features or changes.
Sometimes i’m just being an accessory in that meeting.
It was years ago before i quit and become a designer 👌🏼5 -
I had this meeting with this new client and where talking about the possibility to exchange data.
And he told how his company now has everything in the cloud and if we also have it in the cloud it should already be connected since it's both in the cloud.
I tried to explain that because its both in the cloud that does not mean it's connected to each other. We still need to develop a way to exchange data.
On wich I got the answer that our data probably is not in the real cloud.
In the end I just said that we can probably exchange data but it the easiest way to accomplish this is talking to someone who maintain the data in your cloud. And we could adapt our system to theirs.
Sometimes it's hard to communicate with less tech savvy people about tech stuff. Explaining things in a way they understand but also is technical correct.7 -
When I'm bored in a useless meeting, I try to guess how much that meeting just cost the company for nothing.
Today I got to 2000€ for 1hour meeting3 -
Dutch devRant meeting.
The current idea is:
Place: The Hague
Starting date: Saturday the 21th of October.
Ending date: Sunday the 22th for the ones who'd like or just Saturday for the ones who'd like that more.
Spot/place within the hague: (help me out here people)
People can get their own sleeping accommodation. Please ask if you cant find anything :).
So for now remains as main point: when/what time!
Share your throughts in the comments.31 -
PM: Ok Android, i've reviewed the latest build, you are good to release. Waiting on iOS's build to test.
Me: ... are we not holding all builds until we hear back from backend about that bug?, as we likely have to change something on our side?
PM: Which bug?
Me: ... the only one we discussed yesterday in the team meeting.
PM: How many customers is it affecting?
Me: that we know of, one ... the CEO of our company
PM: oh that one, yeah were not doing that anymore.
Me: WHAT? i've been waiting all day / night to hear back. Why are we not doing this?
PM: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ... Everything is too messy at the minute anyway, the release plan is changing every day. Need to keep it back in line.
Me: ... the plan has changed exactly once. We had a plan at the start of last week for the last release, we changed it YESTERDAY to include 2 critical bug fixes. The only issue with the plan changing is nobody telling us these aren't bugs anymore
PM: We can discuss tomorrow in the team meeting.
CEO: oh hey guys, yeah we pulled that bug fix. Its not really a bug, more like a missing feature. No way it will get done before xmas. Going to live with the way it works for now and fix it properly next year.
Me: Ok, fair enough, but we really need to be told these decisions.
CEO: sure, sorry, didn't think anyone was blocked by this. What was the blocker?
Me: ..... you asked me yesterday to get this bug fix in the build ... you asked for the final build to be made today so we can go through the app store review. As we all discussed yesterday, today is kind of the last day we can really do this.
CEO: ok, its late, we can discuss this tomorrow in the team meeting.
Me: ..... ..... ..... ..... sure7 -
my desk neighbour started an online meeting, with her headset on. but she didn't realise that all the sound came from speakers. meeting lasted several hours.
5 -
Me, in a meeting with CTO trying to sort out some config stuff, manager messages me and tells me about a non critical issue (read: not production).
Me: I'm in a meeting
Manager: Yes but look at this when you have time
Me: Yes sure
Manager calls me after 15 minutes
Me: I was in a meeting?
Manager: Are you still in a meeting or were you in a meeting?
Me: I'll go back to the meeting when you're done
Manager tells me about the issue again. After I go back to the meeting manager sends me a meeting link about the issue literally 15 minutes from that time. Manager is 10 minutes late to the meeting he just arranged.
After the meeting manager pesters me and asks if I could figure out the issue every 15 minutes.
I fucking hate this job.3 -
We have an "unicorn meeting" (designer) and an "owl meeting" (developers) at work.
My sister asked me, why it's not "spider meeting", as we are web developers.3 -
The boss is asking you what is the progress of task1.
You provide the status.
You have 4 hours meeting where he also attends.
The meeting ends.
Boss comes to your desk and asks what is the progress on task1 -_-*¥¥¥¥¥
Fml. I was also on the same meeting OK?!5 -
Okay dutchies and other people who'd like to join.
devRant meeting in The Hague. As far as I can see, Saturday is a good option for many people and for the people who'd like to do a weekend, they can find some sleeping accommodation in The Hague.
I'm personally more than willing to do two days!
Anyone any ideas for a good meeting place? Also one in case it'll rain which is quite likely in the Netherlands.
Please comment your ideas on this information!40 -
Meetings about meetings that we're going to have to discuss the need for the next meeting wherein a potential followup meeting will be scheduled to meet for the meeting.3
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I need some advice: How could you stop laughing at a meeting? Help!
Yesterday, in a meeting with the development team, my boss accidentally wrote "Puto System" on the board (of course, I cannot post the real name of the project). For those who don't speak spanish, "Puto" means "asshole".
Oh, I laughed so fucking hard XD Well, we continued with the meeting, but I couldn't stop laughing, and then, I was going to ask a question about one of my tasks, and accidentally said "hard" instead of "boubt" (in spanish "dura" instead of "duda") and all of us laughed again.
At the time I'm writing this post I can't remember that without laughing, help! I need to get serious :'v13 -
The company wants me to attend a meeting while expecting to finish coding. So i just code in a meeting pretending i was taking down notes.5
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Managers: * send meeting to my calendar *
Fullstackclown: * sees email * Much obliged, I'm happy to... wait a sec... this calender meeting is for 4:30 PM... TODAY! ...and they've sent this at 4:47 PM?!?!
Managers: FULLSTACKCLOWN!!!! HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT MEETING TODAY?
Fullstackclown: lol
#beclowngetclowned14 -
Funniest meeting ever!
Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.
Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.
My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."
I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."
Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*2 -
My week at glance:
Monday: Sunday night hangover
Tuesday:Prepare report for progress meeting.
Wednesday: Progress meeting
Thursday:work little bit for next week progress meeting.
Friday: weekend fever and hence not in mood to work.
#big #company #work #culture5 -
I had a job that was one big meeting for 6 months. I kid you not. We had our stand up, had another meeting that extended the stand up to discuss issues highlighted in the stand up, then we would have a scrum catch up type meeting then after that work until about 12 so an hour ish? Then a call after lunch to catch up about the work we’d done and make sure everyone was ok, then probably a backlog meeting, then likely a company wide meeting and then at about 4? Probably a meeting. I don’t know by this point I’d lost the will to live. One massive joke of a company I swear5
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The thing with meetings is that most don't know what a (formal) meeting is.
A meeting has a specific time frame, a defined agenda with specific topics and a moderator or an agreement on a common netiquette.
That's a meeting.
A meeting is not a place to put your willy on the desk and proof to everyone that your cock is thx to operation a long schlong who won't get hard, nor that you don't know how to shave, even less to measure the size of your genitals.
It's neither the time to eat and slurp like a fucking hobgoblin, nor to drink like an alcoholic who hasn't had a drop of alcohol in the last hour.
Parents, I don't care what your satanic offspring achieved today, nor how cute they are, even less what booboo they have.
Crybabies, keep your whining for after meeting time, maybe even stop crying and just have a nice talk outside of allocated time frames to discuss whom hurt whom the most and who has the most sand in his clit.
Get to the fucking point.
If I wanted to read a trilogy to understand what you contribute, I'd have written it on the agenda.
If it's not on the agenda, cram it in your butt cheeks for the next time you need to shit.
If you can't converse with people at all, the meeting is allocated at least 24 hours before it happens.
Prepare yourself for goddamn sake.
You could even read out a predefined text if you want, noone cares.11 -
Most useless meeting?
I once went to a meeting where people spent half an hour discussing when to reschedule the meeting that we were in because we couldn't have it then even though nobody was absent. The actual rescheduled meeting was also half an hour long, and could have occurred during the time when we discussed when the meeting should occur.
I've been to a lot of useless meetings (I still think that most meetings I attend could have just been an email chain or Slack conversation), but that one takes the cake.3 -
Online team meeting at 9:30 am, I wake up at 9:25 am
Wake up. Meeting was moved at 9:00 am and renamed to "CRITICAL". It's been 45 minutes and I still don't know what broke, but I'm too scared to ask.3 -
A wise man once said that,
The most productive meeting is the meeting that has been cancelled.
- unknown legend. -
Today I had the most f...g ABSURD and POINTLESS meeting with the client ever, that was arranged by the sales! I drove f...g 100km there and f...g 100km back to have a meeting that lasted about 20 minutes. And it's not even the worst yet. It turned out that I was not even the right person to be there. So guess what - the whole meeting boiled down to me making a phonecall on a loudspeaker to the f...g right person. I have wasted half a day and I HAVE OFFICIALY BECAME THE MOST EXPENSIVE PHONE HOLDER!! Not that I have not insisted a few times before to make a call to ensure that the meeting is necessary at all.2
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That would have to be the meeting we went to to plan a meeting. At the clients offices on top of it, so a 20min drive one way to sit in a meeting room to plan a meeting.1
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Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.
What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD
24 -
Why focus is important.
Mr Miyagi:
"wax on"
"wax off"
Enterprise IT manager:
"wax on"
"have a meeting"
"wax dried during meeting"
"wash off"
"wax on"
"have another meeting"
"have a meeting bookending that meeting"
"wax baked on by sun"
"get out sander to remove dried wax"
"ruin paint"
"try to spot fix"
"have another meeting"
"paint is the wrong color, won't come off"
"throw it wax, start a new project"
"pay vendor to repaint car"1 -
Meeting yesterday:
Senior E: "Man, every time I do code review I thought this is the stupidest code ever written - then I look at the author, oh wait it's me"
Me: "Well, the perfect code is the code never gets written"
SE: "Casting appreciative look with a nod" -
Suddenly there's this tight deadline, everyone's pumping hours in, I am the one that has to discuss with everyone and integrate their work into mine. So I schedule an early morning meeting with a colleague, whose work is crucial in order to continue integrating the others' modules.
30mins into the meeting, he's not there yet. I reach him
"Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, I'm actually not available today, and until 3 days before the deadline"
Well isn't this great.5 -
Today's full day meeting accomplishments:
- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK
- lunch break
- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm
Yay!5 -
Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM2 -
Zoom is no meeting software.
At best, a webcast something.
*insert deity here* do I hate the overlay, sound options and speaker focus.
I want to choose wether the sound on coffee breaks keeps playing at 260%. FFS!4 -
For an early meeting PM promised to bring coffee for every one.
Now he says that he forgot...
Early in the morning, stuck in 3 hours meeting without coffee...4 -
I one sat through an hour and a half long meeting about how to have a meeting. I missed a deadline because it went over.
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Hi everybody (newbie here).
The most annoying thing about CEO's and bosses is theirs incapability to understand mere technical or even logical matter of topic discussed in important meetings. I found a perfect parody video, which describes how I feel when participating that kind of meeting.
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg
(sorry if repost)
P.S. Nice community this.devRant
(been lurking few weeks)7 -
In my previous job we had a monthly meeting, where we had to discuss all periodic meetings we had to attend. This meeting was only for non managers, and we created a sheet of pros and cons, which was than reviewed by managers on specific meeting for that purpose, and then we had a meeting to discuss those points with managers.2
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I just finished a meeting that had also been an email. You know how it went: boss just reading the email out loud1
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I had an after work meeting, i was supposed to take it from home, i got busy trying on my new dresses and totally forgot 😱😂
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I currently have a design meeting with the CEO. He joined the meeting on his iPhone mini and the designs are for a desktop app.
What a joke5 -
> 1 hr meeting
> 30 min free
> 30 min meeting
> 3 hour meeting
> 30 min free
> 15 min "check point"
> How hard is concrete from 20 stories?!1 -
Throwback to the time I got called out by my boss in a meeting in front of the client for using too specific vocabulary like CRUD with them, immediately asked the client if they were familiar with it, they were, and boss didn't comment about it further. He ended up being the odd one out hehe jewel in my memories.1
-
"Just hardcoded the thing so in tomorrow meeting works"
And it repeated before every fucking meeting. -
That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.
Fuck this shit!2 -
My creative director is now the PM. He open thw meeting and said "There is this thing. It's good for development. It has got meeting and tools. It's called agile."1
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Who did I piss off in my life to have to deal with this bullshit? First day off of vacation. I am vacation hungover and just regular hungover. Left my Xanax at home. I just sat through a 45 minute meeting that I didn't have to be in for longer than three minutes. I have what my work place calls scrum in 7 minutes, another fucking meeting I don't have to be in cuz vacation. I wasn't even planning on coming in today except for the fact that my fucking boss came in, in the middle of his vacation, to schedule a meeting this afternoon and then go ghost when I try to either reschedule or at least ask what my fucking responsibility in this meeting is this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach because anger triggers my anxiety which triggers my stomach issues which triggers my phobia which triggers more anxiety which then triggers my anxiety. Gods fucking dammit. Why did I come back from vacation just to arrive in meeting hell? Nothing is okay.4
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Meeting101:
1) Schedule a meeting to discuss some important issues.
2) Discuss everything but those issues!
3) Schedule another meeting for same issues.
😭2 -
Reserve a meeting room for 30 minutes. Sit in there for 2 hours straight and don't give a shit if someone else who reserved the room wants to have it.
Learn to plan your fucking meetings! -
Team Meeting with Senior senior manager(SSM) from headquarters.
Post lunch break (casual talks)
SSM: You all people in this office live in luxury. Each and every door has a security guard to open and close the door for all of you. HQ doesn't have these.
Me: So, does it mean that there are no doors or no security guards at the HQ?
Everyone in my team with a very big facepalm. Manager telling me not to get high after having the lunch.
Footnote: All my colleagues and my manager often tells me that I get high just by eating food.4 -
2 colleagues just had a meeting with the CEO and the meeting just ended:
Colleague 1: "I'm gonna jump out of the window"
Colleague 2: "Make sure to land on your head"
Must have been a very productive meeting.3 -
Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.
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I fucking hate corporate environment. We have a weekly meeting in our tech department where a team is chosen at random to present the project they're working on, architecture and such. You know what? We have fucking documents, for both product scope and technical architecture. If you're interested in our work, go fucking read our docs. If you have a question, slack us or send us a fucking email. Why the fuck do I have to attend a 1-hour meeting every week for this bullshit. Oh and some dude from upper management has a brilliant idea: from today they decide to host 2 such meetings per week, 1 within the tech department, and another within the whole company. So we had to attend the same fucking meeting twice in 1 week!!! Fucking genius!
I'm so fucking tired of these meaningless meetings, but attendance is recommended because "this is how you reach staff level" as they told me. Fucking bullshit. I may try a few more years for the sake of financial stability, and then find a small shop where people just leave me the fuck alone with my codes.4 -
My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.1
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Migration in progress (long one, lasting over a month)
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to discuss migration progress
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to agree on what should we test
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to get specs of the new infra
Seriously, PMs. One 1 hour long meeting costs at least 4 hours of productive time (1 hour for travel, 1 hour for the meeting, 1+ hour for preparing for the meeting, 1+ hour for post-meeting discussions). And more often than not all meetings end with "We will come back to you later in regards to <some question not answered during meeting>" and it always means "we'll continue this chat via emails"
Why can't you first ask "do we need a meeting or can we sort this out via email?" ??? Or are you intentionally wasting everyone's time?4 -
Me, perfectly relaxed after 2 hours of conference call (the voices are telling me to feed my colleagues to the ravens and they're winning)
1 -
Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"
Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."
Client A: "Meaning?"
Me: "You have to pay more."
*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*
Client A: "I don't understand."
Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....
3 -
Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.1
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I have no words to describe the last meeting.
One of the project managers was putting his feet on the desk, chewing his gum with an open mouth, and playing around with his phone.
The people in the room were so tense and looks defensive, which is normal if you have dirty shoes in your direction.
Luckily I'm remote but at least I know that won't like to move to his team at any cost. -
Damn. I am super super nervous. A meeting specially arranged twice so that I can participate and give my feedbacks. It in 2 minutes and I have nothing to say.2
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Why can't meeting organizer enforce time schedule, especially ending?
It's pretty much normal to stay 1,5 hour on 1 hour meeting.1 -
Me: *Working peacefully*
One hour later:
*Meeting starts*
...
*Meeting ends*
...
*Action items are sent*
...
My Anxiety: 📈4 -
Ever had that meeting where it's expected that you will solve cold fusion, catch rainbows and violate the laws of thermodynamics? Just because you are an expert in your field?
Also beautifully demonstrated here:
https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg3 -
Companies new policy.
Deadline is looming, we need to work super hard and be super productive so we will set 3 meeting each day to check on how productive you have been in the last 2 hours...1 -
Worst meeting:
Trying to decide which front end JavaScript framework to use.
Debated about Knockout, Angular, React, etc.
Decision: Too fat frameworks, DIY using jQuery. I wonder how big and unstable is our DIY framework. Is it even a framework? Just few organically written script files.6 -
That feeling when you're the only one of your team sitting at your desk and you cannot shake of that nagging doubt:
Did I miss a meeting?1 -
So, i helped solving 168 bugs for this website. Ofcourse, doubting every step since i'm still new here. Yesterday there was a meeting with the directors. Appearently they where happy a graded the site with a 8.5.
I finished my education with a 6. Not taking credit for any of the above...4 -
Turns out I'm terrible at meeting people. Go figure, it's the cliche of being a dev.
I just moved into a pretty nice apartment in a nice area, but I I know literally nobody here aside from coworkers. The only friend I have left that hasn't moved away is in jail for a good while. 😧
The only place I can think to meet people is at a bar/club - which isn't really my thing. Even then, just walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation just seems fucking weird to me.
Anybody have any advice on making new friends in basically a new town?14 -
My boss (Peter) canceled the meeting for today.
Talking to my coworker:
Me: I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: Yeah? What made you think that?
Me: When Peter came to me and said, "There is no meeting today." I had a feeling there would be no meeting.
Coworker: That is some pretty strong intuition you have there. <laughing>
Me: I may have been jumping to conclusions though.
Coworker: <laughing harder>3 -
Getting real tired of people posting meetings only for you to join when they end. How hard is it to have you meeting at the time you set it for? Holy shit!1
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I work on many projects at work. There's divisions of teams and each team typically has one project. Each one of those projects have weekly Sprint meetings.
That's great! For the team. That means each team has one meeting a week so it's not too disruptive for those individuals.
Me on the other hand? I've got my hand in all the buckets. I'm on every team. I'm the only person on every team. This means I get to go to every meeting.
Let me rephrase that:
This means I -have- to go to every. Single. Meeting.
Which means I have a meeting every. Single. Day. Even if I didn't touch that project that week.
It is literally THE biggest waste of time. I sit there in a 1-2 hour long meeting saying absolutely nothing, not even being spoken to. I could be working on other projects.
And these meetings normally interrupt something I'm working on. Conveniently in the middle of me being in my zone. It makes me completely un-motivated to work for the hour before the meeting because why bother if I'm just going to get interrupted? And then it takes an hour to get back into everything after the meeting because everyone is fooling around or complaining about the meeting.
So that's three hours of my 8 hour work day completely wasted.3 -
I dream of the day when I can go to work and actually work. I swear this client has a masters in pointless meeting, the other day we had a meeting to 0lan a meeting.3
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You wanna have a meeting, fine. We'll have a meeting. But for the love of balsamic vinegar, put a fucking agenda in. I automatically decline any meeting request with no agenda, regardless of who sent it.
Guard your time well, my friends. It is precious and fleeting. -
Apparently people hate meetings and I never really got why but we had a 5 hour long meeting on monday so .. i get it ..2
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We were contracted into this big corporate company about 12km down the highway from us in the most congested part of the city.
We had a 1 hour meeting scheduled for the Wednesday that we had to drive in for, on the day before that we had to drive in for a 1 hour planning meeting for the next days meeting.
We had a 1 hour meeting to plan a 1 hour meeting...1 -
I hate when meeting hosts ask who joined after every beep when the meeting just started on the phone. Just wait 2-3 minutes then ask who is on the line.
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Yay! Another meeting to go over a design concept for the next version of our website, awesome this makes meeting 163
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Just came up with something inspired by @librarycomic for use at the very start of every meeting with the customer.
"You have the right to remain silent. Any ridiculous specs or illogical features that you say can and will be laughed at in the back project office room.
Any real questions you ask will be answered to the best of our ability, as long as they don't violate privacy or the law or the internet.
You have the right to be in a hurry or tighten the deadline, but not to expect that it will cost the project any less.
With these rights in mind, let us begin our progress meeting. On to you."
Feel free to fork and contribute! :D -
*1 hr after meeting*
*boss calls*
Boss: how are you doing with the task we talked about on the meeting?
Me: Oh I'm doing that other thing we talked about. I'll finish both in about an hour.
Boss: great!
... then starts going on about their lives. I wanted to be nice to them, so I paid attention to what's going on in their lives while I program menial tasks.
*1 hour later*
Boss: so have you finished? It's been an hour.
I would've finished, IF YOU HADN'T BEEN DISTRACTING ME THE WHOLE TIME8 -
Having to join an emergency meeting to discuss progress of an urgent resolution the very attendance of which just delays the fix. Then repeating the meeting every 30 minutes.1
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Wasting time of 20+ developers to deliver a 'how to use a bug reporting system', coz:
- you've only 2 newembers in team, and
- just to have a bi-weekly meeting.
Is not productive, motivating and wise by any means.
Combined $$$/hr amount here is quite an important metric.2 -
boss. "I have a one o'clock meeting" Project Manager "uuuuuh, it's after one" boss: "it's an asynchronous meeting"
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Meetings are exhausting. My manager forces us to attend meetings which consumes 60% of my day. One day, he sent a meeting invite and the agenda was to talk about meetings. So it was a meeting about meetings. Meeting-ception 🤯2
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Too many to name. In general though any meeting that could have been a short email and meetings about planning future meeting.1
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Been invited to a bi-weekly meeting about a project that I'm not even working on yet.
I think I'll just go and cut my own brake cables then drive home. -
I just had a meeting in which everyone discussed from starting what we will talk about in next meeting with same people
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Meetings.
Too many meetings.
"Why do you explain...." 10kv electrical shock.
Explanation so everyone has the same knowledge.
"But CD ES process of LCE..." Water. From the emergency hose. In the face.
For fucks sake, we are using speech in a meeting so stop using motherfucking abbreviations you shit hole.
"We had bugs". Taking an hot iron and shoving it somewhere nice.
Explain - what the fuck are you talking about? What bugs? Tickets? Documentation? Implications of the bugs? Hate. Much hate.
Um. I don't know. Maybe. But if.
Thumb wrenches.
Please, stop wasting time, if it's non important, a " No " doesn't hurt....
Let me show you. (4k Monitor, 10 px font, bright neon colors, IDE looks like LSD trip in bad).
Crucification.
If you present stuff, good - but for christs sake, shove your motherfucking shitty IDE setting in your own arse and turn on presentation mode with neutral colors - bright or dark mode, I don't care, but readable without danger of seizure.
I can't stream my monitor right now because of "bla" "blabla" (some private shit that has ZERO to do with work).
I'll need some oxy if this goes on.2 -
Client A: “What does that little button do? It looks so not fit in though. Can we just remove it?”
Me: “It basically serves as a sort function and to make those data look more tidy when you first input them. Especially when it comes from many sources, it .....blah blah blah.... So it's quite inportant to stay there according to UX basic.”
Client A: “??????????”
Me whispering: “Jon Snow.....”
Client A: “Sorry, what?”
Me : “Noooothing~ let’s talk about the other module shall we?”
5 -
Who knows Fosdem ? It is the biggest european meeting about open-source, it is in Belgium and it is free. Who wants to come ? Http://fosdem.org3
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MEETINGS
Daily stand up
Weekly status
Fortnightly update
Monthly planning
Life would be so much simpler without meetings. Just chat, why fuss over "meeting"?
As it is most of the things don't go as per what's planned in the monthly planning meeting.
Neither is there much of an update in the fortnightly update meeting. Only update is what we planned, isn't the right direction.
This will obviously screw up the weekly status. Screwed up planning is dishevelled implementation.
Daily stand up is just very sleep deprived developers, who don't wanna talk.
Make it my time's worth; say no more meetings. -
Working on a very large project that has been going on for 6 months and will run for 18 more.
The day before our bimonthly meeting with the client the PM decides to walk out and quit without telling anyone. Now we're left to try and figure out what he was doing, as most of it was poorly documented it's gona be a pain.1 -
How many boring monotonous corporate meetings, leading to no helpful conclusion or action item, is too many in a day?
Jesus please I just want to work!!!9 -
Story time:
I'm late for a meeting. It's between client, coworker and me. It's different from a normal meetings. So I ask my friend something along the lines of "How to connect to a 3 person call."
His reply: "Did you really just ask me how to connect to a 3 way."
I guess there's always time for one of those jokes -_- -
Tales From "PM vs Chen"
PM: *Walks up to Chen's cube*
Chen(that's me): *Taking off headphones* "Are we about to have another meeting about the meeting we just had?"
PM: "Yes"
Chen: "Okay. Just checking." *Waits for PM to share his thought*
PM: We're almost done.
Chen: "Yes" *Waits again for PM to share his thoughts*
PM: *While walking away* "Making Progress"2 -
I was sent to sit-down with client in a meeting.
They basically discussed their findings.
(By "discussed" meaning just reading the contents of their presentation.)
In the end of the meeting. They said they'll email the presentation.
Another classic "I survived another meeting that could've been just an email"1 -
I cant with this company any longer.
Most of it is crap but this is too much
Retrospective meeting after 2weeks sprint.
Sprint board for the meeting, in the not good section
1 -
Monday we had an hour-long meeting with the only purpouse of deciding when was the next metting.
Later this week, the same day of the meeting, it got cancelled. -
Do your colleagues read the emails or they ignore them like mine?
The usual answer is: sorry no time to read, place a meeting.
I do not want to schedule yet another useless meeting because you are unable to read two lines of text.
If I wanted a meeting I would have scheduled it in first place.
Why have I to lose 1 hour of my time to explain, then some cannot join and ask for a follow up meeting, where I have to explain again the same things.
Obviously during the first meeting nobody has even read the description and has idea of the topic, so "we need to check... schedule another meeting next week".
You can imagine what's gonna happen the next week...1 -
when a product manager decides to have a product review meeting from 4:30PM to 6:00PM when everyone plans to leave early.1
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The meetings for SEO.
The SEO guy is really, really nice. He's patient, comprehensive, he's quite good looking and everything, but my boss is a total moron when speaking about internet stuff. He makes us repeat everything at least three times, he will note everything on a sheet of paper that he will lose and write again... these reunion last 2 hours and we have one twice a month. Uuuugh... -
Definitely the meetings. Not sure if the "Meeting to prepare for the Sprint Planning" or the "Planning meeting to prepare for the Meeting to prepare for Sprint Planning".
I know it sounds like I'm joking, but it actually happened 2 months ago.1 -
So we (group of 3) were out to a tech guy who was out sourcing some project. During the meeting we mentioned VCS, upon hearing this the guy was like "this is used by big companies". we left the meeting then and there.
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When you bullsh*t stuff the whole meeting, then they setup a meeting tomorrow to continue where you left off today
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What's the longest code review meeting you've ever had? We're about 3 hours into this code review so far, and it doesn't sound like we're going to be done anytime soon3
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There is a new rule in my company starting from Monday.
08:00AM (Monday Only) - Company Meeting
09:00 AM (Daily) - Department Standup Meeting
09:30 AM (Daily) - Send Email to GM and PM about your ToDo's for Today.
If you are not able to finish your ToDo for that day then we need to explain to the GM question WHY12 -
Monday morning meetings:
- Reminding designers what the app looks like to then discuss a defect.
- Reminding everyone else where the online meeting link is, despite the fact we have used it everyday, for the past 7 weeks. -
A meeting with an external event organizer, who just so happened be a rather attractive woman. I've never had so many superfluous colleagues (all guys) show up and show off.
That meeting went long.1 -
Meetings have the ability to slow you down like nothing else. The moment you feel you are about to crack the problem you have been working on.. ding! there comes a notification for the next meeting.
Currently my team has a mid sprint review meeting, an end sprint meeting, a let's plan the next sprint meeting, a team meeting, but the one I have absolute hatred for are daily standups.1 -
Listening to @addlinny and @cascross123 dealing with our apple developer account, I probably need popcorn for this!3
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Write email with meeting topics before meeting.
Send summary email to all attendees after meeting.1 -
So I was reading Scrum for my exam all I can see was Meeting.
Product backlog meeting for 15 mins;
Enters to the office 5 mins meeting;
Sprint review meeting for 10mins;
Daily scrum 2 times meetings;
Sprint planning 3 hours of meeting;
Starting the next Sprint 30mins meetings;
Managing releases 45 min meeting;
Sprint Retrospective 45 mins of meeting;
Wtf? Do they do any work there?4 -
Kind of had my first SCRUM-meeting couple hours ago. I'm a student and have a internship at a company. It felt so dull since me and my two team-members stood there and listened to three others talking about their project that we have nothing to do with. Then we got to say what we made yesterday and so on. Hopefully this is all in educational purpose?1
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Put the meeting agenda in the meeting invite: after a few meetings of you referring to those notes in a condescending manner, people will get the hint that you want them to familiarize themselves with the agenda before the meeting. It also gives you a nice reference point if you ever get off topic.
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When you come to work at 6am (2h before other employees) to solve problem that was blocking everybody in the team and before you finish boss takes you to the meeting that newer ends and is just a waste of time. Ten hours work day, paid for eight and job not done. I hate days like this one.
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Last week I had a meeting to get us all on the same page for today's prep meeting... Tomorrow we have the actual meeting to be followed two hours later by the meeting review meeting... Culminating in decisions that drive the direction of a set of upcoming meetings... Which will all have prep meetings and some have further review meetings...
I'm so excited...2 -
Being in a meeting my colleagues "caused" by not meeting an impossible deadline for a project I wasn't assigned to...
I just sat there not being able to say anything because I didn't know what the hell was going on.... -
15 mins in our weekly dev meeting, boss comes in sits down and starts talking about a project. After that he stands up and brings one of the designer in and begins to make some stuff up we could add. Are you kidding me? That is a dev meeting, he is not even supposed to be there. How rude disturbing a meeting so he can discuss stuff we could discuss later-.-1
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Just done with the second meeting of the day with the same client. The client decided to arrange another on Monday :-/6
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In summary, we're all agreed that we should have a meeting next week, to discuss what we should talk about in the meeting the week after.
AHHHHH! -
Creating a meeting on the same day it shall take place and inviting everyone an hour before it is starting does not good planning make.1
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Oh, joy, another meeting. Because nothing sparks joy like discussing the same issue for the umpteenth time.
Can we code a solution instead of talking it to death? My keyboard's getting rusty from all this meeting-induced inactivity.
Time to wield the power of Action Items and break free from this endless cycle!1 -
I've been to a meeting where I asked a question and the reply I got was not remotely related to the question.
He asked me ' Does my answer makes sense?'
I said yeah.
Inner me: I am so tired and I can't repeat the question once again. Aren't you even listening?.1 -
Meeting just after given a vacation to the whole company. We had 1 week of no work. Everyone of us including the boss went on a vacation together. He sets up a meeting the very next day at 8:00 fucking AM . Sent at 10 PM. Like nigga . Let me reset and prepare my mind ffs. That was a ridiculous meeting recently just for the sheer fuck of it.1
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Tfw you tell the guy in charge you can't make it for the meeting that evening, and he says there is no meeting, but you're too tired to tell if he's joking or not. Fml
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Me: [leaves comment on jira to not delete a file until team meeting tomorrow]
3 hours later...
Junior on slack: I saw your comment, any updates?
We had a meeting for story pointing, and not a sync meeting which is tomorrow.
Literally not talked about, whatsoever -
Is it me only having to deal with horrible meeting product?
Arch Linux as my base OS, justifies my all-time updated system, NPAPI being deprecated in Firefox, Chrome and have to use Cisco WebEx every Saturdays and Sundays.
Just hate having to return to Windows to make WebEx chrome extension work for the meeting to be possible, and then a CentOS VM running for all the demonstration, explanation and teaching...
Although, IcedTea in Linux makes it possible but oh well it WebEx is still a horrible headache.1 -
/*too lazy to convert times to Millis...*/
Private void day() {
try {
Do {
meeting();
while (currentTime < 5pm);
readAndRespond(email);
readAndRespond(slack);
readAndRespond(skype);
}
finally {
realWork();
}
}
private void meeting() {
Thread.sleep(30s); //I wish.
}2 -
Team meeting: the art of sitting through an hour-long discussion that could have been summarized in a single email.2
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Stand-up meeting at 9:00 AM in the boardroom. It's called stand-up meeting but everyone will be sitting lolz...
I hate this Monday meetings, too many stupid talk. PM mostly doesn't have any clue about the project. I bet she didn't update the client last Friday. -
I think it's a bad sign when you walk out of a meeting thinking:
"Wow finally a meeting that wasn't a complete waste of time and didn't make me want to (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ "
*sigh*1 -
Am just wondering, Why is the boss always guilty in the meeting of the subordinates and the subordinate always guilty in the meeting of the bosses1
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Just had the best meeting since I started here. The DBAs couldn't attend so we decided to postpone the meeting for two weeks. After that we started talking about beer and now I have 5 names of different beers that I want to try :-)
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Apart from waste of time, meetings are also an acknowledgement of preferring collective stupidity over individual stupidity.
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When someone cancels your meeting and schedules their meeting ontop of it because they wanted the fucking room... and then comes in half way through your meeting and says they have the room booked.
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Old but gold. The Expert sketch A.K.A. how it feels to be a developer during a project meeting. https://youtube.com/watch/...
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That feeling after you sat through a two hour client meeting taking notes and forgot to save... Now having to re live the meeting hoping to remember everything... Must be the turkey hangover...
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I got invited to a meeting today that had my name on it, with no agenda or context....
And the invite was sent less than 2 hours before the meeting.
Can you decline a meeting from your boss?7 -
You realize you reached the top of your career when you are on top management meeting discussing actual freaking bikeshed! It's not an urban story! Those meeting actually happen! And actually few months later we got a real bikeshed on our parking lot!
Only downside was that there was almost no bikesheding on the bikeshed meeting :-/ -
Client wants an update, set meeting at 9 o'clock. My client's tinezone is 3 hours ahead, so i have to join the meeting at 6. 😬
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!rant
Just started a new internal project today. The best thing? The meeting I just got out of, in which we were discussing the details, was with someone with technical knowledge and experience, and who had realistic expectations. Never have I been so happy after a meeting! :D -
Yesterday 2 hours meeting about how to keep functional a Delphi6 software with a 2.5 firebird.
Today the HEAD of our WORLD tell us he is going to buy a new software and trash the Delphi6 one...
So why did you organized the meeting HEAD?3 -
ghub piece of shit
damn fucking shitty software. It happened to me in the past(like thrice times) that my mouse got randomly locked at the highest dpi until I uninstalled and reinstalled ghub... well it improved with the time and lately I haven't had that issue anymore, but hey today just for my daily stand up the mic decided to stop working out of the blue(headset is logitech too)... then fuck it didn't have time to troubleshoot that, made my way around using camera mic 🤪
Soon after I finished my meeting, decided to check on ghub to see if the software didn't detect the headset or whatnot... as soon as I tried to open it "ghub is updating", because of course, it can't tell you in any way that you should update it or your devices would not work until you open the goddamned software4 -
!rant, but satisfying.
Got pulled in to a demo for some work that I had been apart of previously, but not recently since I had rolled on to a client. The Manager in charge of the work had fought me being pulled on to said client, as he wanted me committed to this project (which I didn't want to be invovled with). I had rolled off the engagement earlier this week, which is why I suspect I was included in this demo. So we are going through the motions, they are asking questions, I'm sitting quietly watching. out of the blue, Manager dude decides he wants to ask me a difficult question, because I'm sure he assumes he will stump me. I respond with "Not sure I'm the best to answer that specific question, since I haven't worked on this in a minute". He confirms that he only wants me to answer. So I do. And boy was I glad his camera was on, because he went from "Got em" to "Fuck, he got me" in a matter of seconds, and I could barely keep from smiling. After my answer, I respond with "Anything else you'd like to know?" to which he mutters "No, thank you" and quickly moves on. Talk about a victory. I'll ride this high through next week, I think.
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