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At work today the guys showed me how I can listen in on calls so I can prepare myself for phone support.
We tested it through a call between two of the guys.
They started talking like "test test123 is this working"
I said yes and continued working behind my screen. They just didn't know I was still listening.
Both guys started saying stuff like "welcome to the sex hotline"
"hello and welcome to the *insert something sexual* hotline!"
One of the guys after a few minutes: why is your head so red?!
Wait.... Have you been listening along?? 😅
Yes 😂
*everyone bursts out in laughter*43 -
Me: "Ahh yes finally done making this big module that does X, took me 2 weeks but its done!"
Coworker: "You know there's a plugin that does X right?"
Me: "Just go..."
Coworker: "Ohh and it also does Y which makes X easier if you have to do Z"
Me: "GET OUT OF HERE I NEED TO CRY"6 -
*Cuts 7 slow lines of code down to 1 fast line of code*
*Looks around to see if coworkers can see me*
*Pumps both fists in the air*7 -
Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.3
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Light vs dark IDE themes
I personally prefer dark and all my coworkers use light. When they ask me to look at something, it hurts my eyes just scrolling for 5 minutes on their computer.19 -
I can't post a rant about wk50 because I know some coworkers use this app and I'm afraid they'll realize how stupid I really am.8
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My asshole coworkers talking about how programmers without a degree are worth shit and cannot achieve anything in industry besides working from startup to startup.
Well, surprise, I'm sitting right next to them, in the same big company and I don't have ANY higher education at all.
Just because I prefer more hands-on experience than theory stuff doesn't make me worse developer than those bastards. I just learn more from working on something, than from sitting in classroom and taking notes.
Fortunately people at HR and boss also valued my previous experience when they hired me, but now having to work with those guys every day is killing me.13 -
Watching my coworkers fix bugs is like watching people untie knots by pulling hard on both ends, in the hope that the rope breaks.1
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me: "ah, my scraper is nearly done - just need some final tweaks"
coworker: "JuSt FrOm LoOkInG aT yOuR ScReEn A fEw TiMeS tOdAy, I cAn TeLl YoU iT wOnT wOrK"
me, infuriated by his idiot mentality but not trying to start anything: "ah, its fine, I've already scraped 3000+ entities"
coworker: "but it wont work."
me: "but... its working..."
coworker: "but it won't work."
me: "ok."
sometimes its just better to just affirm the narcessistic assholes. make sure they are right.6 -
PM finds my prized stress ball and draws a face on it. When asked why she said "it looked depressed".
THATS THE LOGO YOU DUMB BITCH. PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT
On the bright side... Good thing I have this stress ball to relieve my anger 😒
16 -
Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.11 -
I've been working for this company for 2 years, tomorrow will be the first day that I meet my coworkers.
I love my job.6 -
Coworker: I wish excel had a dark theme.
Other coworker: it does just use this macro
Ctrl + A, Ctrl + A, Alt + HH + right arrow + enter.
I tried it... it selects every cell in the whole worksheet and changes the background color to black.5 -
One of my coworkers made an R2D2 for his friend's wedding (it was the ring bearer). It took five 3D printers working around the clock for three solid months.
4 -
True story.
I had been working for 6 months at the same place surrounded by 6 people (3 of them in my work team) .
On January I receive a message on skype for business "Hello, happy new year :)"
I answered "thanks", 10 seconds later I see the name of who wrote the message, someone called let's say YYY, so I ask one of my coworkers, "do you know who is YYY?" and I hear a voice of the girl seated right in front of me for the last 6 months answering "It's me", "Oh!" I said.
Awkward silence....
Rant to myself for being a shitty non social person.10 -
WTF? I've been laid off more than a month ago, AND THIS EXTRA-STUPID ACCOUNTING BRAT TEXTS MY PERSONAL PHONE TO COMPLAIN THAT SOME REPORT IS BROKEN.
(she still works for my former company, if that wasn't clear)
Bitch, you fucks literally told me this shit wasn't my problem anymore. Seriously, where do they find those complete morons? Don't they know how "being sacked" works? Or how you cannot expect any work from someone who was sacked?!?
Especially some sheila that only has a job because it is literally illegal to use a pocket calculator instead of an "human" accountant.
Fuck, now I'm kinda happy I'm out of that nuthouse.23 -
Sometimes in my company, I just want to shout "Java is shit". But I am afraid my coworkers will beat me, because they all seem to love Java. 😅17
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I'm surprised by the ability of coworkers to get on my nerves. Here's an example...
Me: "Just upload those files you idiot! I got called up three times all because you couldn't upload this thing!"
Co-Worker: "Chill bro, I've got it all here safe and secure on my computer"
Me: "....."
(In mind: Should I do to him what Walter did in breaking bad.... Drown him in a vat of acid. Saves me the trouble of hiding the body)5 -
I always thought that this could only happen with big orgs with precious data. One of my coworkers sent me this last night
10 -
Almost ever day I am the first one at office in the early morning. Other devs arrive at least one or two hours later. I don't mind. I just want to have a bit of sun left, when I go.
But why the heck...everytime I go, one of those other fucktards (which I normally really like), mumbles something like "you go this early today?"
Yes I do you dipshit!! You could arrive earlier, too!
And then, those late birds get credit for staying longest!!!
I mean, sure... If you start to work at 11pm, you have to stay long...
Meeeeh7 -
Over heard my coworkers talk about my open source project: "ya that's the best there is"
I am just so happy 😊😊😊4 -
Most jobs are shit. Find a place where you like your coworkers and development practices. Most other things are secondary to your mental well-being.9
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I'm real tired of my coworkers always trying to one up me and being elitist about their code. Like I get it, you think PHP is shit, C is so much better than Java. Wow, you must be so knowledgeable! /s
Just because you're bashing on bad languages and talking shit doesn't mean you write good code, and in fact your code isn't top quality, I've read it. All you're going to accomplish with an elitist mindset is close yourself off to improving, and that's probably the worst thing you can do as a developer.8 -
One of my coworkers uses
if(null == something())
I know it's just coding style, but it fucking annoys me.18 -
>monster energy drink
>brutal dubstep
>neon green keyboard&mouse
>sick 4k 21:9 monitor
>
>contemplating killing all my coworkers2 -
Just found this piece of code from one of my coworkers:
restMethod() {
try {
// some complicated logic
} catch (WebApplicationException e) {
throw e;
}
}
Why?!
And btw: Hi fellow devRant ppl! 👋6 -
When you need to use PHP for EVERY project 'cause your coworkers don't know other languages... *sigh*7
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I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.
C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?
When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...7 -
Some of my coworkers call connecting with SSH "git bashing", because they use git bash for making ssh connections. 😋
They never understand me when I use the term "SSH". 😔3 -
When you make a tech-ish joke and you have to explain it because your coworkers aren't that tech-ish.2
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When you send your stuck coworker a stack-overflow link and he copies the code from the question instead of one of the answers8
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When you work remotely and communication from your boss or coworkers sucks and you're paranoid that they think you arent doing anything since they dont check in with you.
1 -
I have the best reason not to leave my "office-chair"...
More comfort and colleagues bringing me coffee😎☕️
I get great support from my coworkers and friends! Thank you!!!
5 -
After running tests, code review, coverage test ... And your application crashes in the middle of a demo in front of your PM and your coworkers.
Coworkers : "When you try your best but you don't succeed ..." (Coldplay song)
PM : DAMN SON! WHERE'D FIND THIS ?4 -
Sometimes I feel like my job is just babysitting my coworkers. I need to find a way to teach them how to think for themselves.
I'm not a senior dev but I am the one my coworkers turn to for help. I like helping (even if it's annoying some times), so I'm thinking about embracing the mentor role in my team. My plan for now is to stop giving the answers right away (which I usually do to get back to my work) and instead try to guide my coworkers into figuring out the issue themselves. This will take more of my time of course and will require I practice my patience in a possibly stressful environment (depending on how close deadlines are), but I'm hoping that it'll produce better coworkers (one can dream, at least).
Do any of you know of any good reading resources about mentoring or becoming a mentor, specifically in tech/development?7 -
When you advise coworkers to do something one way because you know better but they do it their way anyway so this is you when shit hits the fan.
-
I often create git issues seconds before pushing the fix, then closing them immediately.
Allows my coworkers to receive notifications that I am actually working...2 -
A typo today has rendered me the joke of the office... 😂
Almond's PR: "Added missing unit testes to classes Foo and Bar"
----
Bob: "LGTM. Bet that took some balls."
Craig: "LGTM. Missing unit testes drive me nuts."
Ian: "LGTM. Write your testes with your code guys, a bit bollocks to have to add them afterwards." -
Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there
Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.
C: Yes sure.
< Two days later - over text >
C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.
Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh
No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "
Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!5 -
The best thing about having COBOL in my last internship is not that it opens you a lot of new job opportunities, is the look of fear and respect of your coworkers when you say that you learned it.1
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*based on a true story*
Co-worker: Let's release it
Me: Wait, I want to add just a little feature
Co-worker: Is it necessary?
Me: Trust me
*5 minutes later*
Co-worker: So, have you finished implementing your "little feature"?
Me: Yeah, well, it's done. Maybe.
Co-worker: What the hell have you done?
Me: MAYBE I've added 647 lines of codes to the file to implement my little feature, MAYBE it doesn't works and MAYBE the entire project is compromised
Co-worker: ah3 -
Me: *Killing tickets like there's no tomorrow*
Others: Doing nothing.
Manager: Well, since you are closing tickets here are some from your coworkers.7 -
To my ex-coworkers who used to tease me about using Vim although I never bragged or even talked about it to any of them, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.5
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i was so excited about devRant, that i tell all my coworkers about it and now if i dont reply to emails they make fun of me "put it on devRant he will find it there"1
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Me and my two coworkers are the perfect start of a joke: a mathematician, a physicist and a computer scientist walk into a bar...7
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It took forever to get SSH access to our office network computers from outside. Me and other coworkers were often told to "just use teamviewer", but we finally managed to get our way.
But bloody incompetents! There is a machine with SSH listening on port 22, user & root login enabled via password on the personal office computer.
"I CBA to setup a private key. It's useless anyways, who's ever gonna hack this computer? Don't be paranoid, a password is enough!"
A little more than 30 minutes later, I added the following to his .bashrc:
alias cat="eject -T && \cat"
alias cp="eject -T && \cp"
alias find="eject -T && \find"
alias grep="eject -T && \grep"
alias ls="eject -T && \ls"
alias mv="eject -T && \mv"
alias nano="eject -T && \nano"
alias rm="eject -T && \rm"
alias rsync="eject -T && \rsync"
alias ssh="eject -T && \ssh"
alias su="eject -T && \su"
alias sudo="eject -T && \sudo"
alias vboxmanage="eject -T && \vboxmanage"
alias vim="eject -T && \vim"
He's still trying to figure out what is happening.5 -
It's so frustrating when you're trying to power through a development but get constantly interrupted by phone calls, coworkers, project managers, meetings, emails and IM.
Just let me work!!3 -
Not on call. 2 hours of sleep, get a call. Ask if primary on call got called... all my coworkers are fixing shit. Why is everything down? I'm tired and need my sleep.2
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Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee1 -
When you can't rant about the stupid shit at work because your fucking idiot coworkers are on devRant and you can't afford to lose the job quite yet...2
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I had the opportunity today to FINALLY say "I told you so" to a coworker. It was such a cathartic experience, I'm still basking in the afterglow.4
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Overheard some coworkers during lunch.
Coworker1: "fuck net neutrality! We'll make our own internet! With strippers and poker!"
Coworker2: "9gag?"
Coworker1: "9gag!"3 -
My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.2
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When you resign and before you leave your coworkers ask you to help them write a job description for your replacement and you be like "MUUUUUUHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Just TRY to find THIS!" #IDoAllTheThings
-
One of my coworkers just had a baby, so he left work today and won't be back for a month or more.
We (accidentally) took the client's website down for 3 hours, messed up our git repo and when we finally fixed both things, I had to spend the rest of the day editing fucking vector graphics (which I had never done before and completely suck at).
I never realized how much work this guy does or how important he is until now.14 -
Beating my imposter syndrome at work. Finishing my degree so my coworkers consider me a "real programmer." Having the confidence to do both.4
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Non tech coworkers before COVID-19: you don't need home office, it's only a way to avoid job responsibilities
Non tech coworkers today: yeah home office is a great idea, why we didn't think about it before2 -
Do you ever wonder if your coworkers talk about you behind your back? Or wonder if they hate you? Or am I just too paranoid?5
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A coworkers shameless hack. Our services have a bug being investigated that cause the server eventually to fail.
The hack? Reset the connections of every user every 6 hours and restart the servers.
-_-3 -
Sometimes hardest part of being dev is staying calm and trying to explain someone why something is a BAD idea, than see being ignored and just silently prepare fix so when shit goes south you can quick fix shit the other dude/dudette fucked up regardless of number of warnings.
Sigh, another dumpsterfire of this variety incoming.5 -
I just don't get my coworkers. They tweak designs, they tweak functionality, but no task is made.
They just simply update designs in Figma, without notifying anyone or just msg me on Slack what to change...
How the fuck do you guarantee that all those tweaks will get reflected to the app? How do you guarantee I won't forget? How do you guarantee QA will test your stupid tweaks?2 -
The importance of headphones is to avoid listening to co-workers talking nonsense all day long, especially young people.10
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When you have to write methods that can only be used in a specific way only just to make sure your coworkers aren't fucking shit up.3
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The moment you enable the PHP warnings in your company and you want to delete all your coworkers code.
#why #you #do #this #to #me3 -
I got stuck with a small task for days, today I just have the courage to ask for help and a senior literally gave me the code for the problem! I'm not sure if I should be happy for finishing the task or embarrassed for couldn't solve the problem by myself. 😄😥5
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Headphones on
Start Soundcloud/Osu! Playlist
Open IDE
Optional:
Get a german shepherd to protect me from obstacles called "coworkers"3 -
New AD account.
cannot login.
Want to create a ticket.
Need a login to create ticket.
*genius*
Go to coworkers machine.
Open ticket there.
They respond, the user must create the ticket himself.
Ffs!1 -
When coworkers say, "I know you have a lot on your plate buuuuut...."
Then shut the fuck up and let me work 😑 -
Killed the backend production db of my app with a dev ops guy for 20 hours.
The emails I received were not the nicest of all time.1 -
Just recently I found myself in the position I never thought I would. I was at work and my boss said, "Hey could you pickup *Item* from *sister location*? So I went to *sister location* I knew what I was looking for but I couldn't remember what they were called. So I asked one of my coworkers," Hey, I'm supposed to pick up something here." She didn't know what I was talking about. I told her I could remember what they were called.
Her response: "If you don't know what the were called, why do you EVEN come over here?" The rudeness in her voice was unmistakable.
In retrospect I could have been rude right back but there where people nearby and I had already decided I didn't like her. She is the kind of girl that you assume spends her paycheck on outfits. (or maybe she just dresses well I can never be sure, but I digress) Eventually I found what I was supposed to do. By the time I had to go to back for the second batch of *items*, I get sent back to my boss's office. To my surprise, my boss had overheard what happened.
Apparently one of the people nearby thought SHE was being rude and REPORTED HER.
It was incredible; someone was offended FOR ME?!!!
I have no idea how you even go about doing that where I work. I went back to work and I saw her walk though the door to the boss's office. I actually felt a bit sorry for her.4 -
A note to my team, who I hope never actually reads this.
To my manager: Grow a fucking spine, you asshat! We literally ignore you, you are useless!! Other people do your job, and you can't even talk to your reporting person directly! You have us do it!
To my tech lead: You are crazy, but in a good way! I have no idea how you cram so much work into so little time, and I would march into hell for you. You are in the trenches with us, and I respect you greatly!
To dev number 1: You are hard working, but stop modifying my code and breaking it!
To the other devs: If you leave 4 hours before the tech lead anymore, I will beat you to death with a cum filled sock! My rage fucking erection is that strong!
To everyone else: fuck you!10 -
'17:15' < '09:45' === false
'5:15pm' < '9:45am' === true
I either need a language with a stronger type system, or coworkers who understand that comparing raw time input in validation is a bad idea 😡6 -
New job is going well overall, but...
Just overheard a conversation with two coworkers and heard them both say “jif”, unironically...6 -
I found working from home and not having to interact with coworkers, unless it is about work, makes me very productive.8
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It's hard to grow professionally as a remote jr dev, I wish I had coworkers to talk to/get mentor-ship from in person 😓4
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Only me who is actually happy when coworkers finish a nice piece of code? I feel like too many only thinks of competition :(5
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Coffeee..loads and loads of it.. music..ignoring certain coworkers..loads of mind emptying breaks (piss breaks)2
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We had a Christmas party at work. We did a traditional white elephant gift game. I stole some larping swords from one guy, somebody else stole them from me, and another guy named Bilbo stole them and ended up with them.
After the party I am at my desk. Bilbo comes over with the swords and gives them to me. He said, "You looked like you really wanted these." I said thank you. I was really touched by that gesture.
Bilbo had tried to get golf balls during the game and lost them. So I went to the store at lunch today and got him a 12 pack of Titleists for $25. I don't golf, but people I work with say they are good. I left these on his desk. He comes to me later and says, "I cannot accept these. It is just too much money." I said its not too much and explained I was touched by his gesture. He tells me to take them back and get something nice for myself. Which is another nice gesture. Bilbo said when we get back from Christmas break we can do lunch.
So I am a bit baffled. Did I cross a line I shouldn't cross? Is Bilbo just too nice? I was really hoping he would enjoy this. I get it. We are coworkers and not family. I truly respect and like the guy.
Anyway, I am unsure what to do with them. I didn't really want to take them back. I tried to give them to another guy I work with and he wouldn't take them either. One talked about paying for them then decided he didn't want them. I have more shopping to do so I can take them back then. It kind of weirds me out to say $25 is too much money. I can hardly go a day without spending that much on a couple of random small things.9 -
who hates when friends or coworkers/family pretend that you fix his/her pc for free or just a 'thanks'??
1 -
Just cut 2 seconds off the load time after roughly 2 months of refactoring. The code looks beautiful though.1
-
Interviewed for a backend position a few days ago, but ended up getting a full-stack job!
Pretty excited to start this new gig, coworkers seem to be nice and the stack is great too.10 -
Not claiming any originality here... I'm just happy to finally have included it. We'll see if it passes PR review - might make my coworkers "steam" a little (pun intended) ;)
2 -
My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.1
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96hrs (3 days), I was working with violent autistic kids at the time. Snow storm prevented coworkers from coming in, so I stayed.2
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So one of my coworkers is making a tutorial on how to use a terminal, and he has a section on exiting vim, he must be a god, he can exit vim 😂
-
When coworkers leave the co. for a better paying job and leave this kind of code after themselves:
int foo = 1;
String.format("blabla %s", Integer.toString(foo));
fml6 -
- A boss that's not 100% incompetent to computers and technology in general.
-Decent pay
-Coworkers who aren't jackasses
-Doesn't feel like a job
-Nice break room
-Option to leave early and work from home -
When coworkers have a var dump on a page in production.-_-
I aint saying shit because everytime I mention something they do wrong I get assigned with fixing it. -_- -
Forgot headphones, noticed coworkers conversation...
If null coalescing operator (??) returns right on null, why doesn't !! Do the opposite?
- boolean beat ya to it.1 -
Tomorrow, we will have a new fenale co-worker.
This is awesome, because in IT is very rare to find women. It seems that this field is dominated by man.
And that brings the problem. In our enterprise, we are all men. We worst kind of men. Saying that we are "a bunch of animals in a tiny room" would be more like a compliment.
I already feel sorry for her. :/6 -
It's Don't-Kill-Your-Coworkers Monday! Vent here while looking at this cute-ass picture instead of ending lives.
4 -
The struggle of telling your coworkers about DevRant vs. the fear of them finding your rants you wrote about them2
-
Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish2
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My ambition is to develop my own game and publish it, then get a better paying job and to rise above my lazy ass nihilistic order-following coworkers.7
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One of my coworkers calls Firefox "Google". Oddly enough she also uses Chrome but calls it "Chrome". I get confused every time she asks me to help her with her computer.1
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Most days, I feel pretty good about my skill and contributions, but I still sometimes worry that I might be the cog with the terrible code that all my coworkers rant about.1
-
Get a DateTime. Convert to a string. Convert back to a DateTime. Use that DateTime to build a string.
WHY.
(it's red because I refactored it; snipped copied from our version control)
3 -
When coworkers built the shop to allow adding items to cart via url query parameters-_-
/shop/?itemNum=1234&Qty=4
..what?4 -
Closed MBP and left. Returned to office. Head to a very quiet Starbucks. Open MBP lip. Greeted with a woman's moan. F-ING COWORKERS!
-
Meeting at 'Derp & Co', the topic was what data model should send the back-end to frontend & app via API calls:
- Coworker: 'we should send the data structured like this for reasons'.
- Me: 'Yeah, this nested object.object.object should do the trick for the front end, but this will be a pain in the ass to convert to POJOs. Why not use something like idk better structure?'
<Mad/intrigued faces>
- CoworkerS: 'Why you need to use POJOs?'
- Me: <More Mad> 'cause I work with java in android... and we have/need/like objects?
<Captain Obvious left the room>
- CoworkerS: 'Oh yeah, well... we can do it the way you say'.
Why you need Objects... what is the next?
- Git? For what? Did not have the usb key from day one?2 -
My team is full of unexperienced coworkers. Some are students (not computer science), some just finished their bachelor but again not in computer science or something related. It is absolutely ok if there are unexperienced coworkers, but that's too many and all I do is teaching the basics of programming.3
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that feel when I am the only one in team who knows at least one framework.. and coworkers refuse to learn and instead copy and paste code parts from old, insecure apps into new apps... 😐1
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Fuck you for asking for my advice and then just disregarding it because it doesn't dovetail with what you were hoping for. You continue to justify your shit code design as "the way it has to be". Bullshit, I just told you other ways to do it. You didn't want to hear it. Open your mind. Learn something new. Be a professional. Your code is ass and you should feel like an ass. Don't ask for my help anymore. Prick.1
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How to troll your coworkers at the office - http://fakeupdate.net
If your coworker forgot to log off their system, you can prank them with fake update screen. Also has the option of BSoD *maniacal evil laugh*6 -
The feeling when you're in the zone for some important tasks and your coworkers just come and seat besides your table, start bullshitting each other with their flights delay stories. I wish there is a dismiss button for this kind of occasions.2
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Fastforwarded a bit, I have LOTR marathon to catch later.. 😋
May your bugs diminish, coworkers grow brains & clients calm the fuck down!!
Happy, better & successful 2018 everyone!!
🍦1 -
When you have a dev domain, yet your senior developer coworkers still add "Dev" to their app names..
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In our department, we've to send some reports at different times in the same month, for example, three the first day, one the fifteenth, three the last day...
This was a task assigned to my coworker, but it consumed a lot of time to modify and execute the required querys and write the reports in Excek with the results, so O was assignes to create a program that created the reports automatically.
I asked my coworker for the querys, a lot of times since he "forgot it", and once my program was fully completed him, I asked him to test it and tell me if he saw any errors, if the reports were done correctly, etc... And, twenty days later, when I asked him again, told me that everything was okay, so the whole months of July and August, the reports were done automatically.
Today we've receives a ton of emails about how the reports were not correct, how the information was incomplete and such.
Guess who gave me only half the querys requested. Now I've to do every single of them manually. While my manager rants.
Note to future self: Never trust that guy again, and always re-check everything he checks. This better be a lesson for the future.4 -
Yea sure, I'd like to refactor your fucking 1000 loc spagetti code "module" with no documentation at all...3
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A quick rant during work.
I like my coworkers, I really do but they've been so annoying the past few days ever since one of them bought a small nerf gun. Now three others have one too and they're constantly shooting at each other. They bought one of these nerf guns that you have to pull at the bottom to load it and they're pretty loud when you want to work.
I swear to god I'll go home and work from there if that continues11 -
Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)
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Pranking your coworkers:
Display a fake update screen or BSOD (Windows 98, XP, vista, 7, 8, 10, OSX, SteamOS and Ubuntu) and watch your coworkers freak out.
http://fakeupdate.net/3 -
That moment when you get your first job after getting your degree and one of your co-workers with about 5 years of experience asks you what is a static class because he never used one...
I mean come on... You have 5 years of xp and never used a static before? x)
This project is going places...1 -
Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫5
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NOTE TO SELF:
Verify with your coworkers about how you plan to attack a certain feature if you’re unsure, especially since you work remotely. If not, you’ll have to fucking redo a feature three times -
Request for software: a program that prevents shitty coworkers from committing with the message “fix”, random letters, or other nondescript messages.4
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Today someone took a shit and didn't flush...
Normally you have your typical candidates, who are pissing standing in the stalls although there are free urinals, people who don't wash their hands after pissing or just splash like 3 fingers with water. Even not washing hands after taking a dump, which is pretty disgusting... But today? Some dude in the stall next to me took a shit, wiped his butt... and went away... No flushing no washing hands... Wtf is wrong with people?5 -
For the love of god, why in the world are coworkers so prone to overflow with pointless informations? I don’t care about which db you use when I am a frontend, just tell me the f*cking endpoint to use ffs! Nor I care about the FE framework when I’m working on the be and most of all I don’t care about the reason behind a formula you use to calculate a freaking param, give me the goddamn formula or its name 🙄
Please tell me I’m not the only one getting triggered by coworkers explaining useless things, cause lately it’s so annoying3 -
Can we get a way to block users from seeing our posts? Two of my coworkers are on here now and it's only a matter of time before my boss appears. He's nosy like that3
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The networking group at my day job, hooooooolly crap I have some unprintable words. But keeping it professional:
* Days to turn around simple firewall whitelisting requests
* Expecting other teams to know the network layout despite not sharing that information anywhere and going out of their way to not share it
* Adding bureaucracy in the form of separate Word doc forms despite having a ticketing system - for no justifiable reason
* Breaking production systems multiple times per month
* Calling in with problems that are clearly network related, being told it’s our systems, and then the problems magically go away even though they swear they didn’t touch anything
* Outright verifiable lies or vague non-answers when they’re not talking to someone at the director level or a vendor from an outside company on conference calls
* Worse packet loss and throughput on our LAN than my home ISP
Doing anything with these clowns is my single biggest source of stress right now. I can’t wait until we get a full SDN stack set up and then we won’t have to deal with them for day-to-day needs any longer.
My boss swears it’s better that we’re not managing the network directly, but I’m pretty sure my friend’s dog could be loosed into the data center to chew on fiber, and eventually the pairs would be connected in such a way as to improve performance.1 -
I am finally again at a company where I enjoy working and my coworkers are great that makes it easy staying motivated. Besides that need to provide for my family.2
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A coworker brought a French press as well as kettles and everything to our office.
Thank heavens for coworkers like this.
The coffee tastes fucking delicious.1 -
Heres a rant you dont see everyday, the lazy gits in my office who dont clean up after themselves. Go to the kitchen to make coffee only to be confronted by a mountain of dishes, the peak of which may have been level with High Hrothgar. Had to dry them and put them away before I could really even move. Like just wash something after you use it, then take the extra 20 seconds to dry it and put it away, dont just rinse it and then leave it sitting there. AAARRRGGGHHHH1
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It's been 3 busy weeks. Had so much to rant about, but I could lurk at best.
We had 2 big features coming to 2 different projects. I told my boss it's take 3 weeks for the one I was working on. The guy working on the other one, said he only needed 1 for his. Guess who got labeled as negative, worrying too much over nothing, and so forth? Especially since a "much more complex" feature would take just 1 week!
Whatever. Fast forward to this week. I was done by tuesday, including testing of both features and deployment. By wednesday, I had even a good looking documentation. Everything was ready. EXCEPT. The 2 features have to go live together, due to various reasons. Guess who ia still a ling way from completing his task? Gueas who asked to postpone his deadline by 2 weeks? Guess who's gonna have to work on weekends for no extra pay?
Guess what? I know how to give an eatimate, and I rather be "negative" and schedule 1 or 2 extra days to be prepared for hiccups and what not rather than having to waste my free time for nothing.
FFS. -
when you get response to AWS command `Credential should be scoped to a valid region.` but your coworkers don't so you have something different to debug on your end
fml1 -
FML!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE THE COMBINATION OF XAMARIN FORMS AND MY COWORKERS.
Explanation:
I had to refactor all of our views because my coworkers did anything in the code-behind file from the views but the code should be in the viewmodels.
I had an "Unhandlex Exception" without any stacktrace or error message for a hour. What was the error? In the xaml file of the view was still an OnClicked-handler of a button but i removed the method from the view-code-behind-file.
FML1 -
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
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My first job was being a sales clerk. I exel macroed my way to my coworkers hearts. Today im just a simple developer, and I love my job!
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The one place I get to have fun with my code is the tests. Who the fuck cares if I use the test string "Mr. Snuffleupagus"? Please stop ruinning the little fun I do have by changing my tests in the very next commit.1
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Hey, blonde bitch.
How about you leave the UX design to someone that can get the printer to do double sided first try. Okay?3 -
How do I handle working with my coworker?
He can be a bit half cocked with his pursuit of ideas. We're supposed to be working as a team on a project, and he'll often forget to cc me on emails. Or he'll go and talk to other people (make decisions) without discussing it with me.
Am I ovary acting? (heh) No, but seriously, I think it's benign behavior, butI feel uncomfortable by it. The last time I brought this up to him... He nearly cried. He was very hurt. What should I do? Be more aggressive?
I was a student leader throughoyt undergrad, but I feel like if we say something is a team project that we should be trying to work together. Feels like he doesn't know what that even means.4 -
How do you cope with coworkers who are okay with lousy code and don't want to make it better because "how does it matter"?5
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I see all kinds of rants here about how coworkers and bosses know nothing about programming. And I'm over here like, how'd they get a job? I feel like every company wants you to be a code ninja rockstar badass, and they're constantly telling me they're pursuing these other unicorns, not me. What gives? I don't know everything, but I know more than done ranters coworkers and bosses. Fuck.
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Who’s going to tell LinkedIn that I’m not interested in the garbage my coworkers post on their platform?1
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Note to self: don't buy stickers to give to your coworkers, you'll end up wasting your money and time.3
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<rant>
Those nagging coworkers who first insist then plead followed by beg to approve a code review just before the deadline. Sigh ;-(
</rant> -
Anytime I've needed to show my bosses and coworkers something more than once, and they still ask... Those are the dumbest tech questions.
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Who are you going to hire in web dev position?
1. Algorithm master but new to web development.
2. Full fledged with cutting edge web dev technologies but don’t know much about algorithms12 -
Every morning both coworkers that sit by my side are listening to music in full volume on their earphones. The noise I hear is driving me nuts6
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One of my coworkers uses two monitors (as well as all the other devs), but one of them is always displaying the desktop, with a big gospel wallpaper.1
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Your code quality is pajeet tier.
You consistently make poor design and architectural choices.
Your project has maintained 50 plus unresolved bugs for about 6 months, and yet you're consistently under delivering against what you commit to.
Other developers refuse to work with you.
So tell me again how you feel you're an effective lead developer5 -
Hey guys... What are the ways to deal with group of NOISY coworkers?
Yes... I tried asking them to Shut up...
And, No... I can’t ask my fucking manager coz, he’s one of them...10 -
I always give chance to my coworkers to proceed for new projects, to know how not to fail!
And then I do it efficiently.
*Promoted* -
So I hooked gitlab pushes to show on slack channel... My coworkers don't have a clue about merge, commits, anything.... Sometimes looks like they have no clue about most of the things...
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Anyone else talk to their code linters? My coworkers have been confused as to why I keep cursing at my computer.2
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Coworkers are starting rumors about me at the office. Probably gonna quit today. Don't have time for that highschool shit.3
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Having to hold hands.. dudes been here nearly a year, and I still have to walk him through things. Keep in mind this guy apparently has prior experience. It goes like this:
Him: this process is failing and I don't know why.
Me: did you check the logs?
H: no.
M: ok well what about the code? Have you traced through to find where the error is happening?
H: no not yet.
Couple hours later..
M: Did you get that error sorted out?
H: no.
M: never mind, I'll take care of it. -
When you have a coworker who is not healthy (extremely obese) and you walk past their office. You notice they may have their eyes closed. Are they asleep? Are they dead? I need to leave work ASAP as I don't want to be the one to find out...
Anyway, I hope not. Would make for a shitty start to the weekend. I also don't think he and his family would like that weekend either.
I feel for the guy, he had a family member commit suicide. I think it fucked him up and he either reached for the bottle or for food. Either of those would make you unhealthy and could make you fat. I think a lot of people hide a lot of pain in their lives behind faux smiles.5 -
Conversation with a backend co-worker.
Me(Frontend): Here! The POS printer (for development purpose) has arrived! It supports Linux and Windows as mentioned on the box. I've sent you a decent npm package (escpos). Try to print a barcode with it, I'll sync with you tomorrow.
(Next day at noon)
Me: Whatcha doin?
Backend guy: Trying to set up the printer.
Me: ON YOU MAC?
Backend guy: Yes.
I try be as helpful as I can to anyone but it seems like this guy actively looks for a way to invent problems!3 -
---- Startup RantLife ----
In this episode, we introduce Brian, this guy is skilled and tries to provide an answer or explanation for everything (even if it's not work related).
By now you may guess this is the one that I know everything and you should listen to me type.
The problem with Brian that he wants only his solution to things and to be written exactly as he sees it and arguing with him is a waste of time.
How do you guys deal with developers like Brian?3 -
Everyone complaining about coworkers not using night mode and here I am developing in Modx... don't even have that choice 🙃1
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Love this kind of humor, coworkers output into a log on errors begins with "Found Unidentified Critical Keyerror". Took a while before I noticed the genius message in this error! My colleague deserves a cookie!1
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Remember that your Product Manager, Project Manager, etc are not your friend. They are coworkers first and friend second if you classify them as that. Learned that the hard way the other day.2
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If my coworkers are going to execute SQL commands via strings in python and I can condense 50 lines of code into 7 with built-in eval(), then I see no problem here.6
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Happy April Fools! Hope you all performed an obligatory `sudo rm -rf *` on at least one of your coworkers today!2
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Don't buy stocks in companies just because your former coworkers went there and got a huge pay boost11
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When coworkers/management can´t keep the password management up to date. EVEN WHEN REPEATEDLY BEING TOLD SO.
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Everybody is bussy!
So let's going to give this mess to the one who never worked with mongo, does not know the objects in the DDBB, add to it some weird way to build queries in java to it and hope for everithing end well!
End well = need to be done today.
Guess what? Not for today! I have no clue of how to clean this shit.1 -
Do you ever feel like you can't stop putting your foot in your mouth after joining a new team? 😬 The struggle these last couple weeks has sucked!2
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When co-workers act like you have no work to do. So they try to give you more stuff.
Fuck. This. Shit.1 -
Facepalm of the day:
My coworkers commits third party libraries AND the source code of them. Of course, the source code is never used.1 -
I love keybase! Great application but not many of my friends and coworkers use it so have not that much usecase for it.😥
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Woohoo who else has to work the weekend because of bullshit bugs?
Please let me have the energy to deal with my coworkers on Monday5 -
I guess this is more of a work environment question than a dev one. Are you friends with your teammates/ coworkers at work ?
I’ve had some bad experiences and now I’m in a much saner environment and despite everyone being nice, some afterworks and out of work events, I still can’t quite give my full trust. Should I ? I can’t shake the feeling something is gonna go wrong if I do…
EDIT: For additional context, I work in a big company where my interactions with my colleagues are not really followed closely like they would be in a startup I guess.5 -
I know this is needed for extra quality but god do I hate having to validate everything I do by so many coworkers before actually being able to do something else. It would be fine if I could get another task while waiting for that validation but nooo, I have to wait until they’re done “validating” to actually move on.
It really feels like I’m losing so much time waiting for people...1 -
When your neanderthal coworkers use chrome's 'Copy Selector' option to hook into other widgets..
$('body > div:nth-child(34) > div > ul > li:nth-child(3) > a > span:nth-child(2)').click()2 -
Team member takes names inputted and coverts them to slugs, works perfectly and functions extremely well.
Adds function to allow slug modifications but doesn't use regex or anything else to verify input is a real slug, application goes down over weekend and know one notices till this morning...
Always verify input both client and server side!!! -
One of my coworkers has a new MacBook with the new thin and weak keyboard. And this mf taps the keys so damn hard and my head is exploding every stroke. 😡2
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My coworker has a candy bowl he periodically fills up. However, he went on travel and failed to fill his bowl. So I created a candy bowl complaint/suggestion signup sheet for people to fill out while he is away. It reads:
<name>'s Candy Bowl Complaint/Suggestion Sheet
Complaint/Suggestion
<followed by a table with lines>5 -
Every dev team has this chatterbox guy, who works as a support, does sometimes whole work in a hour, watches anime for following 7 hours and wants to fix the whole world with JQuery. Still can't imagine working and hanging out without him.
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My current employer...
In 3000 coworkers they have many things, but a team is not one of them... Fuuck -
Always love debating different switches with coworkers. What is your favorite blues, browns, reds, or some other type of switch?
Personally, I am a fan of Cherry Blues.1 -
sitting at work listening to my coworkers talk:
"I use to like the taste of speedstick when i was a teenager."
i should not be surprised considering he uses his wife's breast milk in his coffee....1 -
I work for a health company. Had to get a letter from a surgeon to WFO before an upcoming surgery due to all my coworkers being sick (covid, step, flu…).1
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Coworkers: Why do you look so tired, did you not sleep?
Me who pulled gacha and didn't get the character I wanted: yes8 -
How to deal with coworkers playing music on loud speaker and the genre happened to be the one that you hate the most?4
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I'll always listen to another developer's advice, even if it's just to hear his point of view.
Everyone else should instead have their tongues surgically removed.2 -
Where I work I'm close to the receptionist's desk so it means a phone ringing in my head all day.
I usually stay back later just so that I can work when it's quiet. You, other employee, have no soul if you caused a printer jam a full two hours after official quitting time and are now trawling IT for a support tech. -
Customer calls, "my steaming provider just called and told us were running in unprotected mode with DRM disabled" , I reply "uh what? I'm on it!" Few minutes later I see that all lines related to DRM are commented out in latest build, git blame points to the new recruit... Calling back to the customer and make up some weird reason to why this was disabled and apologize.1
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It feels good to be a gangsta. Convinced my coworkers to use Dapper.net (used by StackOverflow) as ORM of the choice instead of old internal ORM which heavily utilizes DataSet.
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So after the CIO pretty much does a table flip to the division about causing near daily customer impact we now have seven business day cool period for Changes and 13 cross functional teams stood up with 1, 15, 30, 60, and 90 day deliverables to an executive audience.
Guess what my team did today?
Offline a major Production database during the middle of the day, thinking they were in Development. Didn’t notice for 40 minutes. -
About to accept another job, having some guilt towards leaving my coworkers during a stressful time. Anyone else felt something similar?1
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why do we do this to ourselves. Create an VM that is accessible via rdp. It souds great isn't it? Until some FUCKFACE CO-WORKER STEALS YOUR FUCKING RDP EVERY GODDAMN TIME. FFFFUUUCCCKKK1
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Coworkers and I go out and do some golfing or batting cage every now and then.
Old friends from school and I talk randomly. On Facebook.
Most of my social life is twitch5 -
What's the statute of limitations on references/recommendations for former coworkers? Got a call today from a recruiter about a guy I worked with 3 years ago.... Time to update my friend.
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Crazy client,
Worst tech stack,
Best lunch for afternoon coding,
Best food for coding,
Best client story,
Great bosses,
Great coworkers. -
!rant
One of my coworkers told me I'd be interested in machine learning, but I'm not conviced
Is it really that great ?8 -
How do I change my user name so I can be sure my coworkers don't see me complaining about them. Fuckem they should know they suckit.
-
Windows RDP, multiple sessions per user are turned on..
I always fall into one of existing sessions with all the crap left opened by my coworkers.. I'm fuckin sick of this shit, noone closes things after they stop using servers.. // the rant part
Is there a way to force new session on connect? // the question part
I tried googling but either I'm blind or don't know what to google.. only managed to find how to connect to specific existing session.. :/6 -
(No punchlines just a rant sorry, very angry at this person. Can't leave the club. Talked to seniors about it. Talked to coworkers for some voluntary help. No help here ;-;)
Yesterday: we need to have a meet to plan things out. 3 PM?
Rainbow eating monster: Yes
Yesterday 5 PM: Reminder
Rainbow shitting monster: I can't I have important things
Yesterday 5:01 PM: Children eating monster (in group): hey yall watching the event going on rn
Yesterday 5:02 PM: is this what you're busy with?
Rabbit pooping monster: this of course I can't miss. And anyways I have 5 more things to do: thing that I've already done, this club meet that you asked me to do yesterday and I said I'd have done, a meet with a friend, I'm having lunch now, and a meet with you. Hence I can't meet with you.
...
Today (in group): Kidney stealing monster: @me (irrelevant to discussion) can you meet for other thing that *I* was supposed to do a week ago?
Will you be available @me at 5 PM?
Okay everyone, assuming @me is available, tentatively we meet at 5 PM.
Today 12 PM: i wake up to this faeces3 -
Everyone else complains about the lack of tooling, shitty online tools or technical analphabetic coworkers. While all of these happen to devs, they're much, much rarer.
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Everything from the show Breaking In with Christian Slater :D Screwing a coworkers deskt to the ceiling might do the trick. Or how about making the offices printer (seemingly) sentient?
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So I had a pet goat... He was this one developer that would walk around and bother people all day. We called him a goat because of the way he would move his mouth and smack during long pauses, like a goat or cow would do with a mouth full of grass.
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Inspired by a @rawdreeg post, Does anybody else feel like their coworkers judge them harshly because they work from home? Do you feel the need to justify every piece of your work day?
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To make my coworkers read my commit messages on peer reciews, I have opted to use Confucius style messages:
"Confucius say: 'mail address not clickable, bad for business'" -
When coworkers leave their laptop unlocked we find a commonly used variable name and replace all name references with 'poop'
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Collage is like bad job with cool coworkers. You have to do some things what you don't want to do and dream about what you and your friends really would love to do instead.
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I have two coworkers that discuss every day for hours about anything.
Past month they were discussing about Docker Swarm x Kubernetes and it’s impossible to work without headphones and loud music.
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