He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...

Was originally hired for 3 months.

Just finished the project 2 weeks ago, after 1.5 years.

I fucking hate data science now.

In Switzerland/Germany we have an abbreviation TEAM: "Toll Ein Anderer Macht's" which means "Hurray another one/stupid is doing all the work". I think that nails it.

I met my girlfriend cooking. She has no programming experience whatsoever and is quite computer illiterate. But that's fine as that's not something I need in a partner.

She regularly asks me what I'm working on. I'll try to explain it, and sometimes she definitely gets it, but sometimes she's clearly lost as fuck. She'll enthusiastically say things like "that's awesome honey!" To things that are just explanations. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Most of the time it leaves me in this weird confused state, like she's just pandering.

But I know she means well and wishes me the best. She's an amazing woman, and even if she doesn't get a single thing I try to explain, I'd much rather be with that than the "Why the fuck are you always playing on the computer?" Types of people I meet far more often.

Been lurking here for a while. Finally pissed off enough to post.

Been programming in Ada for nearly a decade now. One of the few younger devs who knows the language well. Have a large collection of libraries and tools written in it, open source. Done contract work. Looking to get out of my current line of work, which is medicine, because fuck this recent legal climate. I'm spending all my time dealing with legal compliance and it rapidly changing.

I see a job posting from a company looking for a programmer to mostly write testing stuff for clients. They mostly work with Ada. I've written a whole unit testing and integration testing framework. Perfect. Apply. "You don't have the required skills." Oh... K then.

Wanna guess what I was just offered as contract work. Same company. I guess i'm fucking qualified if you asswipes sought me out to ask me to fix your fucking bullshit.

What the hell is wrong with management and HR in recent years?

Seriously, just fuck this community.

After giving them a 30min talk about the importance of proper commit hygiene and the dos and donts of git, I proceed to commit changes of different nature in 4 files as a single commit named "did stuff".

I lost all authority on the subject forever.

We were four.

I setup a git repo, invited everyone and started coding. After a week I noticed I still was the only contributor.

Turned out they had their own code base in Dropbox. :/

Me and myself have worked on so many projects together but somehow we never really finished any of them...

When you try to explain the new coding convetions to your colleagues

I, to be honest, never have done any teamwork. My friends aren't interested in programming.

This one hits home a bit.

So my friend from my first college hits me up, asks about what's going on and shit. It's all chill, we took a bunch of programming classes together, so it we weren't intimate friends just kinda familiar with each other. He says he's having trouble finding work, they all turn him down due to a lack of experience. I suggest we work on a project together. Anything. He thinks it's a good idea and we plan to meet up.

We meet up, long story short decided on an Android app. I failed setting up git but whatever, I'll fix it at home. He seems excited, I'm excited...

...Never heard back from him again. Won't answer texts, Skype, anything.

Worst of many. Had to work with someone who could be accurately described as a monkey in trousers with strategically cut fur.

Him: "I have refactored code now I have to refactor all your goddamn unit tests"
Me: "so?"
<silence>
<checks his commit>
Me: "why have you commented out every single line in all the unit tests?"
Him: "I DON'T BELIEVE WE SHOULD HAVE ANY UNIT TEST. THEY ADD TIME".
Me:"You cannot be serious. Apart from the obvious mistake in judgement why in the name of blue buggery fuck did you not delete the files? Have you not heard of source history?"
Him:"...."

I became his lead.
He left.

Just saw a job posting requiring seven years experience with Laravel...

My friend brought me a simple python problem. He expected the output to be 2,2,3... instead of 2,3... I didn't know python, but with a quick tweak to differentiate the two prints, I understood that the range() function is exclusive.

Before coming to me, he asked his senior dev & that guy just said - "Oh, your editor has a problem". 😐

Epic team fail. I bought a mechanical keyboard, plugged it in typed one word and the team wanted to kill me.

I don't know much about keyboards, but turns out it had blue, very loud, very clicks switches.

Keyboard was unplugged, wrapped up and put back in the box ready to be returned.

Started to do freelance with a group of 4. We got our first project for 4000$ which needs an engine to be to built in the span of 6 months. Apart from me no one contributed a single line of code since they where busy with their personal work/girls/party/laziness. I myself sometimes got help from some other people and spent some money from my own pocket and completed the project on time and delivered it. On the day when I received my money those guys came and ask for their fucking share since they involved in picking up the project. I gave them 🖕🏻🤬

Is that anything worse than this?

Your entire time with the company, be polite and cordial, don't say risky things, basically be a good boy. But importantly, stay social. Just politely social.

After several months of this, enough time that your fellow employees and management are well aware of your personality, go to the PM in private. Threaten them that if they don't leave you alone you're going to break into their house at night, sedate them, dislocate their jaw and take a shit down their throat.

The beauty of this is that they can't reasonably go to anyone over this, as it's totally unbelievable and out of character. And will be so horrified of what they just heard that they will leave you alone.

"As a team, we have the shared responsibility to ___".

(replace with ALL of the following: resolve bugs, do junior's code reviews, clean up dead code, keep the kitchen clean, improve test coverage, write documentation, order coffee beans, etc)

NO. JUST FUCKING STOP RIGHT THERE. Shared responsibilities do not exist. A single person is responsible, and can optionally delegate tasks.

EITHER I DO IT AND I'LL BE FUCKING AWESOME AT IT, OR SOMEONE ELSE DOES — BUT I'LL SLAP SLACKERS IN THE GENITALS WITH MY KEYBOARD.

Fucking startup hipsters with their community driven attitude, this way no shit gets done, ever.

My ideal job: leave me the fuck alone, I know what I'm doing.

So this one time me and my teammates had just started working on react (please note that we all were backend developers and no one has the basic understanding of javascript) and things were looking quite exciting..

But towards the end of the deadline we were sitting and refactoring each others code since we had not decided on the coding standards and practises and random code had been written left right and center.. It once happened that the same piece of code was refactored multiple times by only 2 people..

And it is obvious that we couldnt make it to the deadline and that code is sitting there like a mixture of weird things..

Merge conflicts in git I guess 😄

My Friend: putt all the code into one huge file
Me: hey, there is an issue
Friend: go fix it by yourself
Me: Where is it
Friend: Don't know
There weren't even comments 😡

3 Days Group Project.

1. day (get into matter, collect ideas)

2. day (mate was sick and stayed home, I programmed our Java game from scratch 100%)

3. day (he comes again, gets my source code, changes games wallpaper and sets tick speed to 60 instead of 30.
He deletes my version on all presentation PCs because he thought his was "better")

I spent over a decade of my life working with Ada. I've spent almost the same amount of time working with C# and VisualBasic. And I've spent almost six years now with F#. I consider all of these great languages for various reasons, each with their respective problems. As these are mostly mature languages some of the problems were only knowable in hindsight. But Ada was always sort of my baby. I don't really mind extra typing, as at least what I do, reading happens much more than writing, and tab completion has most things only being 3-4 key presses irl. But I'm no zealot, and have been fully aware of deficiencies in the language, just like any language would have. I've had similar feelings of all languages I've worked with, and the .NET/C#/VB/F# guys are excellent with taking suggestions and feedback.

This is not the case with Ada, and this will be my story, since I've no longer decided anonymity is necessary.

First few years learning the language I did what anyone does: you write shit that already exists just to learn. Kept refining it over time, sometimes needing to do entire rewrites. Eventually a few of these wound up being good. Not novel, just good stuff that already existed. Outperforming the leading Ada company in benchmarks kind of good. At the time I was really gung-ho about the language. Would have loved to make Ada development a career. Eventually build up enough of this, as well as a working, but very bad performing compiler, and decide to try to apply for a job at this company. I wasn't worried about the quality of the compiler, as anyone who's seriously worked with Ada knows, the language is remarkably complex with some bizarre rules in dark corners, so a compiler which passes the standards test indicates a very intimate knowledge of the language few can attest to.

I get told they didn't think I would be a good fit for the job, and that they didn't think I should be doing development.

A few months of rapid cycling between hatred and self loathing passes, and then a suicide attempt. I've got past problems which contributed more so than the actual job denial.

So I get better and start working even harder on my shit. Get the performance of my stuff up even better. Don't bother even trying to fix up the compiler, and start researching about text parsing. Do tons of small programs to test things, and wind up learning a lot. I'm starting to notice a lot of languages really surpassing Ada in _quality of life_, with things package managers and repositories for those, as well as social media presence and exhaustive tutorials from the community.

At the time I didn't really get programming language specific package managers (I do now), but I still brought this up to the community. Don't do that. They don't like new ideas. Odd for a language which at the time was so innovative. But social media presence did eventually happen with a Twitter account that is most definitely run by a specific Ada company masquerading as a general Ada advocate. It did occasionally draw interest to neat things from the community, so that's cool.

Since I've been using both VisualStudio and an IDE this Ada company provides, I saw a very jarring quality difference over the years. I'm not gonna say VS is perfect, it's not. But this piece of shit made VS look like a polished streamlined bug free race car designed by expert UX people. It. Was. Bad. Very little features, with little added over the years. Fast forwarding several years, I can find about ten bugs in five minutes each update, and I can't find bugs in the video games I play, so I'm no bug finder. It's just that bad. This from a company providing software for "highly reliable systems"...

So I decide to take a crack at writing an editor extension for VS Code, which I had never even used. It actually went well, and as of this writing it has over 24k downloads, and I've received some great comments from some people over on Twitter about how detailed the highlighting is. Plenty of bespoke advertising the entire time in development, of course.

Never a single word from the community about me.

Around this time I had also started a YouTube channel to provide educational content about the language, since there's very little, except large textbooks which aren't right for everyone. Now keep in mind I had written a compiler which at least was passing the language standards test, so I definitely know the language very well. This is a standard the programmers at these companies will admit very few people understand. YouTube channel met with hate from the community, and overwhelming thanks from newcomers. Never a shout out from the "community" Twitter account. The hate went as far as things like how nothing I say should be listened to because I'm a degenerate Irishman, to things like how the world would have been a better place if I was successful in killing myself (I don't talk much about my mental illness, but it shows up).

I'm strictly a .NET developer now. All code ported.

When I was at university in my last semester of my bachelor's, I was doing a game programming paper and our last assignment was to group up and make a game. So I go with one of the guys I know and this other dude since his previous game was really neat. Then two randoms joined that from my first impressions of their games wasn't much at all (one guy made four buttons click and called it a game in Java when we had to make games in c++ and the other guy used an example game and semi modded it.

Anyways we get to brain storming, totally waste too much time getting organised because the guy that volunteered (4 buttons guy) was slow to getting things sorted. Eventually we get to making the game and 4 buttons guy hasn't learnt how to use git, I then end up spending 3 hours over Skype explaining to him how to do this. He eventually learns how to do things and then volunteers to do the AI for the game, after about a week (this assignment is only 5 weeks long) he hasn't shown any progress, we eventually get to our 3rd week milestone no progress from him and the modder, with only three classes left we ask them both to get stuff done before a set deadline (modder wanted to do monsters and help 4 buttons with AI) both agreed and deadline rolls up and no work is shown at all, modest shows up extremely late and shows little work.

4 buttons guy leaves us a Skype message the day of our 2nd to last class,, saying he dropped the paper...

Modder did do some work but he failed to read all the documentation I left him (the game was a 2d multiplayer crafting game, I worked so hard to make a 2d map system with a world camera) he failed to read everything and his monsters used local coordinates and were stuck on screen!

With about a week left and not too many group meetings left we meet up to try and get stuff done, modder does nothing to help, the multiplayer is working my friend has done the crafting and weapon system and the map stuff is working out well. We're missing AI and combat, with our last few hours left we push to get as much stuff done, I somehow get stuck doing monster art, AI is done by the other two and I try to getting some of the combat and building done.

In the end we completely commented all of modders work because well it made us look bad lol. He later went to complain to my free claiming I did it and was a douchebag for doing so. We had to submit our developer logs and the three of us wrote about how shitty it was to deal with these two.

We tried out best not to isolate ourselves from them and definitely tried to help but we were swamped with our other assignments and what we had to work on.

In the end leaving and not helping right when the deadline is close was what I call the most shittiest thing team mates can do, I think sticking together even if we were to fail was at least a lot better.

Man they're coming today. I got another one.

An issue filed over an issue tags color being "too bright" and "draws more attention than other tags"

It's the "good first issue" tag you think maybe I did that by design?

Holy fuck.

I rewrote something in clean 20 lines of code, while my coworker had worked hard and ended up with like 80-100 lines. I did not talk to him before I did it, but asked him to review what I did. I still had to learn how to properly work together..

And to think I've been cooking for barely over minimum wage because I don't have/can't get a degree. Cool

Well there were quite some teamwork fails concerning Git and build environments. I covered a few in my previous rants.

Basically I become a tiny bit of FUCKING ANGRY when I have to work with lobotomized pricks who get a segfault at address 0x00000000 in their brain_x68.exe when it comes to handle Git in the simplest ways possible.

Horrible commit messages, unfinished/buggy stuff pushed to master, force-push with fucking 6 months old code +1 change, pushing "resolved" mergeconflicts without resolving, 1 year old issues which are not closed or marked in any commit message, copying repofiles into a backup folder and committing it, not commiting files and change it directly on the FTP...
I HAVE SEEN IT ALL.

If I was not a calm and thoughtful guy I have had exploded and quit a long time ago!
I only help them so they can improve their dev style and workflows.

I never fail, it's always the team. ;)

Why the fuck do we set time based deadlines on projects/goals/sprints?

The only way to know accurately how long it would take is if you've done it before. And if you've done it before why are you coding it again?

And of course when these deadlines aren't met it's rarely the manager that gets shit; it's the devs who failed to meet a guess.

I did all the work because the software we had to use didn't work on the other one's computer.

Background:

New guy on our team, deadline coming up. I bring him into a meeting room, explain what the project is about, quick run down of the code. Then spent a while explaining what we have to do next, gave him a piece to do, took a piece to do myself.

The fuck up:

A few days / week pass by and I ask to check on his progress. Fucktard decided an hour after the meeting that it would be easier for him to use a different database than what the project was using and decided he wanted to work on some other feature instead.

My stuff was dependent on his stuff, so not only did he not do his work but stopped me from delivering mine.

Let’s just say there was a few stern words in a meeting room shortly after that.

It gets really irritating when I get turned down for jobs because, despite provable experience, I don't have a degree in computer science.

I can't go back to college because one of the colleges I was at lost my transcripts. And here, by law, the college you are applying to must have your entire transcript history before admitting you.

So I'm fucked and just hoping to find a company focused more on provable knowledge than a piece of paper. Yay.

I spent four days doing a rewrite for a possible performance boost that yielded nothing.

I spent an hour this morning implementing something that boosted parsing of massive files by 22% and eliminated memory allocations during parsing.

Work effort does not translate into gains.

You know Steam? So I wanted to create something like Steam, but for mods for SimRacing games like F1 Challenge, rFactor, Assetto Corsa , Project Cars...

One guy asked me if I need a hand, so I was like “sure man”...

...he never answered back

Something I've noticed over my many jobs. "Professional" means entirely different things at different jobs, and doesn't follow fields either. That is, "Professional" in one field is understandably different from another, but businesses inside the same field also have different definitions of it.

It's almost as if "Professional" is just a euphemism for saying "we expect you to act a certain way, but are being passive aggressive about it so we can't be called out for it".

Got a mathematics library I develop and maintain. Someone filed a feature request ticket for matrices of matrices. As in, each value of the primary matrix is another matrix. Not understanding why anyone would need such a convoluted concept, I asked for clarification.

Response: "This piece of shit library isn't feature complete without it, now stop being a lazy fag in your mother's basement and actually do something"

Lololololol. Sure thing. Let me go waste two or more weeks of my life developing something i've never seen used in math, without any justification beyond "feature".

First it was the "set up WampServer so the client can use our database", to which I told her we should use an embedded database, to which she told me to do.

Then the "Just give the client a .jar file and install the JRE in his laptop" to wich I told her we can make a native installer, to which she fucking assigned to me.

Then the whole fucked up management thing with no design whatsoever and the "we don't need version control".

To just a few hours earlier, when she got mad because I set up a Slack for us to exchange information easily, she told me she was already mad because I shared the project by Google Drive and that she worked in security and knows the risk... AND AT THE SAME TIME, she uses Gmail to share the project.. BRILLIANT !

i had to do a project with someone who isnt that good at programming. but for her to learn programming, i wanted to let her do part of the code even though i could have done it myself. so she wrote some code after 2 days without me intervening. then i checked out the code and it was total crap. it was ugly asf, it could have been optimized a lot more and a lot of variables were unnecessary and to think that the code was just around 30 lines in 2 days! when its not that optimized, they deduct points from the final grade and having useless variables and functions can also be a negative thing to the professors' eyes.

in the end, i rewrote the code myself because i wanted it to be better. my grade also depends on that code so i shouldnt be ugly asf.

i recognize my mistakes too and sometimes my code isnt as optimized as it can possibly be but imagine her code is waaaay fucked up.

p.s. it didnt even compile

New project arrises says teacher, my mate and I go to the meeting and it seems alright, guy says he'll pay us $1000 each.
A couple weeks later, "Sorry boys cant get that much money need to pay you $500 each".

Now we have basically finished the whole thing he sends an email and it says, "We got a great fund of $333 for both of you."

Lesson learnt never work in a community project if your looking for money.

Publishing a research paper is way more complicated than it should be.

Sharing code via usb stick and renaming project folders to "<Project Name> rev. 37".

This is meant as a follow-up on my story about how I'm no longer and Ada developer and everything leading up to that. The tldr is that despite over a decade of FOSS work, code that could regularly outperform a leading Ada vendor, and much needed educational media, I was rejected from a job at that vendor, as well as a testing company centered around Ada, as well as regularly met with hostility from the community.

The past few months I have been working on a "pattern combinator" engine for text parsing, that works in C#, VB, and F#. I won't explain it here, but the performance is wonderful and there's substantial advantages.

From there, I've started a small project to write a domain specific language for easily defining grammars and parsing it using this engine.

Microsoft's VisualStudio team has reached out and offered help and advice for implementing the extensions and other integrations I want.

That Ada vendor regularly copied things I had worked on, "introducing" seven things after I had originally been working on them.

In the almost as long experience with .NET I've rarely encountered hostility, and the closest thing to a problem I've had has been a few, resolved, misunderstandings.

Microsoft is a pretty damn good company. And it's great to actually be welcomed/included.

Why I don't use Stack Overflow 99% of the time:

Me: I'm not a ruby developer, but I have to write a small script in ruby. I ran into a problem where i'm getting behavior I don't expect. I have a method which expects an array, and when multiple items are passed into it from the command line parser, behaves appropriately, but when only one command line argument is passed, the method breaks because it was passed a single element, not an array of one element. Here's my code, how do I get my desired behavior?

Most highly voted answer: your problem is your passing it a single element and not an array

Question downvoted into oblivion. As if i'm a pleb for not immediately having a perfect grasp of dynamic typing because when I have the choice I stick with strong nominative typing.

Final project senior year...
Mistake 1: Chose a project suggested by the prof, who did not initially make it obvious that the project beneficiary would be a personal friend of his.
Mistake 2: Nine of us thought this project looked cool and all signed up for it.
Mistake 3: Looked at the code-behind provided for us and discovered that the web-app we were building was... programmed in Java, using StringBuilder to append HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and create its webpages. Which was then decoded and built into a webpage using some obtusely designed compiler.
Mistake 4: Decided to question the reasonability of said project to the prof.
Mistake 5: Did not quit the project as a group and do something else

We all graduated, I think, but a lot of C-'s were had. Fuck that class.

I always try to explain the new coding conventions to my team but they think it's funny and should not be taken seriously [facepalm]

Create an app with a group of friends who are non-developers. My god.

In highschool i was pretty much high all the time, my friend and i had to make a project for our final year and although I'd work on it, my stoned ass couldn't concentrate whatsoever and I'd always be watching netflix in class.. needless to say, we got a pretty bad grade and failed the class

Biggest teamwork fail? This is the general way we do business where I work right now:
My boss didn’t want to be the kind who hovers, always micromanaging. He also hates the idea of taking programmers away from their work for meetings. Sounds great, right? This has resulted in:

• All non-lead devs being excluded from all meetings other than scrum (including sprint planning and review meetings). Nobody ever knows what the hell is going on. They don’t think we “need to know.” This means most of our day is spent trying to figure out what needs to be done, rather than getting anything done.

• Our remote boss making dozens of important decisions about our platform, never telling us, and blaming us for not forcing our lead to be more communicative.

• Pull requests staying open for weeks, sometimes months, because nobody has definitively decided what version we’re actually supposed to be working on. This means our base branch could be any of them, and it means PRs that have been opened too long need to be closed, updated, and re-opened on the false promise of someone actually looking at it.

Just ranting here... but I think our biggest teamwork fail is happening right now, with all of those things ^

I keep spreading myself too thin. I pick up too many projects and find myself not working as much as I want on my main projects. I've been getting better about realizing this, and I caught myself after less than a month. But shit. I need to stop it.

Back at my masters degree there were 3 group projects and 2 of them were dev related. Being the last to enroll and classes had already started, I entered a team missing one person. 2 out the 3 team members were complaining how they couldn't keep up with the workload and kept doing nothing on the group assignments. The other person and me did all the work because we wanted to get good marks on the project. Sadly, the teams remained the same on the 2nd semester, mainly because all the star students were grouped together to our chagrin. This time though, neither the teammate nor me were lenient on our comments during group assessment which influenced heavily on the individual marking.

Failed my Triplebyte interview because even though they claim they are testing for "general programming knowledge" basically everything had to do with web front-end and back-end.

Yay.

I was hired as a junior game developer and I had a senior who was working alongside me on a client’s project.

Within one month they moved my senior to another project and made me the project manager of the project that I was working on.

Worst fucking experience ever. Client’s were unresponsive for a week sometimes and pretty strict when it came to deadlines. Needless to say my employer lost the client and I was made the junior developer again.

Get a request for commit rights for my container repo; another developer would be lovely. Let's see what they know and want to work on.

*reading message*
*reading message*
"...I'd like to enable your containers to hold other containers."

They already do. Stay the fuck away from my code.

We had a school project where we where supposed to implement a software with a heavy client in C# and web services for it in C#, but the web services HAD TO COMMUNICATE WITH SMTP AND IMAP. And do that in 8 days.

We were 6 in the team. 4 had no idea what a web service is, and I and the designated project lead were the only ones knowing what to do. The lead had paperwork to do for the project, so I had to do everything but the UI alone. So 1 guy did the UI, 3 were... Playing Minecraft... The lead was doing paperwork and ranting about how noisy idiots these guys were... And I was sick as hell and could not eat anything, I was vomiting all day in between which moment I managed to make half of the functionalities of the project, despite having to go to the hospital and have to continue working despite the medical request not to work.

So the day before the presentation I had half of the functionalities done and I had to explain them yet another time what web services are so they can answer the questions and cover for themselves.

On the day of the presentation it went kinda fine. It was not finished but it worked like asked.

We were asked for peer evaluation and I gave A to the lead and the UI guy and B to the 3 other lazy asses.

Shortly after I am called by the tutor in the office : "What happened on this project? Were you not working at all? Apart for the lead who gave you an A, every one gave you a D (lowest grade). I demand for explanations"

I said never mind and got back to studying. I got a B, all the rest of the group an A.

Fourth semester. Programming Project.
My colleague named every git commit 'Pfuschpush' (Pfusch = botch) and pushed every crap even if it did never work. I had to fix it. Every time. 😭

My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?

Wouldn't say our teamwork failed we just sucked that day.

I had a ticket to fix a SQL sp and then correct some data afterwards. As this was the typical "urgent fix need now" we went through a different process for fixing it.

Me: Just sent you some scripts can you check them over before we apply it to uat?
Boss: let's go through it together.
5 mins later
Boss: looks fine I'll apply the scripts.
2 minutes later
Me: did you apply the scripts to uat?
Boss: No I applied them to live.
Me: oh ... oh no.

At this point I realized I was missing a critical where clause so yup my update was applied against all of the data.

Boss: oh
Yup he just spotted my error.

Helpdesk phones start ringing
Boss: you pick it up it's your code
Me: hey you applied its your problem now.

One db restore and several incident meetings later we fixed it. Twas a fun day.

It's fun to abuse language mechanics

Pretty much every school project

We were a small startup with only 5-6 developers. I had to design the UI and develop most of the Android frontend, It was quite an easy and fun job for me because I don't get to see people rant about the design that needed to be implemented so, usually I design something that can be easily implemented.
We got 2 projects with a tight deadline and I took care of both project's design part and after completing the design I took the entire frontend of one project and rest of em started working with the other one. Usually we were a strong team and was able to deliver things real quick because we were expert in our intrested fields, I had a fast start in my project where the other project lagged a lot because of the desifn which was hard to implement by them, and the frontend was bo where near to get completed by the deadline and I couldn't help them out because it was all messed up shit handling both projects together.

Finally we were in a situation where none of our project are ready and the deadline was about to hit within a week, so we halted the other project and asked them to join me to complete the project am Working on, I had built most of the Android part and these fellows had a hard time figuring out stuff I made up (yeah, documentation was shit while you go agile), and finally things messed up and I had to work 2 continuous day and night without any sleep just to get the app ready 10 minutes before the official proto presentation.

The best part is I couldn't even get up from my chair and had a headache, fainted instantly when I took a few steps, but the product launch went good.

We fucked uo the code and both the projects just because we weren't available for each other considering the size of the team. Anyway we completed the project but It was a huge failure for us being first time to manage a startup.

Learned a lot of lessons,
Always make a team with people who are good at each of the aspect of development and never divide it to get shit done faster.

The agency I own built a WordPress plugin for a client using a freelancer developer. The client, out of ambivalence, withheld information that would have drastically changed the design of the plugin, but by the time we found out it was much to late to start over. The developer moved overseas in the middle of it all and from then on was not very responsive to communications about the project which delayed things by months. I tried to find a replacement developer but nobody else had experience with the third-party API. The live version of the API ended up not being able to support what we were trying to get it to do with the plugin even though the test version of the API was fine and the vendor was unhelpful. And because we spent so much time and money on the plugin, we weren’t able to even begin on another part of the project. The client complained of over $30,000 in lost revenue due to these issues. Complete fail all around. I’m never doing another custom software project again. It’s all just website design from here.

Not dev related
Worst Team work fail...
I was hired to a Steel werehouse to join a team of two...
One month latter I was working alone while my coworkers spent their time on the bathroom watching manga and playing rpgs on their android phones...
One year latter I was fired, got Hurt because of the heavy weight (Steel weights a lot) and because I was a temp they just fired me (toke me a year to recover)
Two months latter both my coworkers were fired.. Guess that without me the work didn't do itself...
Wish I knew back them they couldn't fire me while I was Hurt...
Oh and I didn't complain about my coworkers because I don't like to talk bad about others...
No matter.... Got a better job latter on and the company lost clients... So fuck you smart ass engineer....

My collaborator was always telling me what a great team we are, until it got serious.

Getting stabbed back in the butt and fired from your job. HAHA what great Teamwork...

After that steal all my ideas and projects and sell them as there own.

I hope that guys Flip-Flops will burn someday

When I was in my first year in university, at the Introduction to Programming class, we had to do a Java project and my partner was someone who was always bragging about how much he knew about programming. Me being someone who was learning programming by the moment I started the course I thought he was going to help and teach me cool stuff.

The first phase was due to deliver in one week and literally my code was all original and my partners code was all copies of others work. Out project could'vw been graded 0 because of his code (because they used a programm that compared variables of each project to see if.they fins copies). He practically didn't gave the effort to try to code, just copies. I spent the whole week correcting his work so that I wasnt penalized in the end...

The four day rewrite of my codebase did... nothing...

No improvement. No detriment.

Just nothing...

Okay then.

For whatever ungodly reason my containers library, which has extensive testing, profiling, and benchmarks against other containers libraries receives regular emails directed towards me about it, always one of two things

1) "don't reinvent the wheel" I have to assume these people haven't looked at the performance characteristics or features at all. I didn't waste away weeks of my life. I needed something and couldn't find it anywhere. I'm outperforming many crap implementations by nearly an order of magnitude, and can offer queries upon the containers in both generalized and specialized forms. As an analogy, I made airless 3d printed wheels, and people are regularly telling me I should still be using ancient wooden spoke wheels; they probably would argue in favor of using a horse drawn carriage as well. How is it possible technically minded people can also be so anti-progress?

2) "Please rewrite this in X language." You know what? YOU rewrite it. I chose what I did because it made it easy to do what I needed to do. Hilariously, the languages I get asked to use most often, are the same who's containers libraries perform worst in the benchmarks.

Both sound like half baked developers trying to sound superior. Pull your head out of your ass and actually outperform me and others. I'm so fucking sick of this "all talk no action" bullshit.

So we’ve taken over from a project team that disbanded... read: “cut their contracts because fuck this, I can earn more working for better people”.

Me and one other guy have been tasked with saving this heap of shit.

Obviously the project guys left saying “it’s nearly done, just this one feature”. Because cut contracts are easier to deal with if “everything is almost done”.

We jump on and find that’s not the case at all... this thing, is a beast, a big old stats analysis program... so we’re like “cool, let’s see what’s going o...OH MY GOD”.

The “recalculation” function was core to this POS. The contractors had done it in C# through entity framework... it took 24 hours to run, over a reasonably small data set that was due to double every 2-5 years.

So... here’s the deal, it ran over night.... then failed. And no cunt had noticed. Entity framework “can’t commit because I’m muddled up as fuck, did you really just put the whole db in EF in memory to work with it?” Exception.

Que 6 months of me and my lead doing the job properly.

Anyway, the failure: I ended up in Hospital again with a Crohn’s flare up... about 5 months in.

Fuckall to do with all this nonsense I just wanted to tell a story. it was an interesting/fun project to fix and my lead was a legend... so happy days.

Similar story, different set of contracted devs... they’d been defining requirements with the business users using the term “Risk” which the business users knew as a group of risks.

The domain model had been written RiskGroup<>—

Been working on a small collab with my 3 mates
It's just one guy who's doing all the heavy lifting
I chime in with a 3-4 line modification every day or so
The other two are afk
It's chugging along just fine..
I feel like a garbage can in front of this guy's coding ability

Just my luck that I get the best wk76 story ever on wk77. Either way:

So some of you may know that the current project I am on has some shared code components with one of the other projects in the product line. And we have some differences in our processes. This leads to a lot of fun.

So, I was working on converting one of our shared components into a more modern language. It would save us time, money, and sanity by allowing us to more easily maintain our product. Sounds like a win-win right? That's what I thought. Until I had a meeting with the other team. THEN THE QUESTIONS ROLLED IN. Well who is going to integrate our product with yours? (You?) Are you changing the interface? (Not really.) Are you going to generate a design document? (Absolutely not especially since the interface isn't changing for the most part.) Well you are changing the type of one parameter in one method from an undocumented unmanaged type to a well documented managed type that we control. Shouldn't you generate a document to document that change? (Again absolutely not.)

So first they basically browbeat my lead into putting me in charge of their integration effort. Its fine though, as they gave me an account to charge. However, when I was finally able to get a machine with their build environment on it (at least two months later), they then told me that that account was closing and I had to wait until next quarter. So fuck me right. And because of their process I would break them if I were to check my changes in.

So fast forward to today. They are translating some shared components for the same reason that we are. However, they are changing code that while shared is technically "ours" and that will DEFINITELY break us if they do this work since this is the code that controls our algorithms. And while we have a fault tolerant process, or at least more fault tolerant than the other group's, we are currently doing a huge amount of development in the part they want to change. And when we ask them "who is going to do this work to integrate our product with your changes?" they stare at us slack jawed. Like "um, you right? it doesn't affect us." Like MOTHERFUCKERS!!! YOU LITERALLY JUST FOIST ALL THIS WORK ON US TO INTEGRATE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE PEOPLE TO SUPPORT IT!!! BUT YOU CAN PAY THIS GUY FOR SIX MONTHS TO DO ALL THIS WORK THAT WILL BREAK US BUT CAN'T SPARE HIM TO INTEGRATE WITH US!?!?!? EVEN IF WE'RE PAYING HIM AND NOT YOU!?!?!

I will let you know how this goes when we have the discussion. I am drinking right now because it it easier and better for my emotional and physical health than bum fights.

Back in college, we were assigned a group of 3 other students to complete a duplicate of a current popular site. My team received Kijiji, a Canadian ad listing platform similar to Craigslist/eBay. This was to be done with JSP and JavaEE. We had to create a 30 minute presentation to go along with it.

Fairly simply, except we had one week. As I worked 2 jobs at the time, I typically left my college work to the last minute. Initially, we split up the work, myself taking 50% of the code and splitting the rest between the other 3. I was perfectly okay with this, until the night of the last day, they messaged me saying they had done nothing.

Extremely annoyed, I told them to just do the fucking presentation and that I would now finish the other 50% of the code myself. I coded 16 hours straight, went to bed, woke up and coded for another 8 hours. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it covered all the points.

The day of, they showed me their presentation. It was complete trash. When we ended up presenting, I improvised the entire thing. The others didn't even speak. Not once. At the end of it, we received 65%. The professor said that if the project had been completed by one person, it would've received a perfect grade, but because there were 4 of us, he expected more. They all looked at me in fear of saying something. I just thanked the professor for his time and left.

The professor knew I did the entire thing myself. My code was by far the most consistent in his class, constantly receiving perfect marks and him asking me to assist other students.

When I graduated, I didn't have 100%, but I did have a 90%. Considering that project was worth 25% of our final marks, he definitely bumped my grade.

3 years ago,
Team of 3(team's first and last competition together). ICPC ACM Multiprovisional round.
1st question super simple. Teammate came up with the algo.
I was the one who wrote the code. Missed a brace after a 'if' statement.
Wasted 45 mins, debugging and coming up with new approaches. From a possible top 10 rank finish, we got 44th at the end of the competition.
If I wouldn't have done this silly mistake, our team wouldn't have failed.

"I see you're computing the same result multiple times, you shouldn't do that, here's how you optimize that out"

Okay listen you fuck, that's a null guard which goes directly into throwing an exception. The most optimal path is getting past the null guard as quickly as possible, which is what I do. Once you've failed the null guard, throwing an exception faster doesn't do you any good.

I swear plenty of FOSS programmers don't even really look at the project, they just find "errors" that make them feel smart.

One hour before a deadline, one of my team members notified me he had completed his task and signed off. The only thing left to do for me was to merge our branches and submit the code for review. This was supposed go smooth with only a few changes made. But for some reason the build kept crashing and this ONE hour before the deadline and no way to reach my team member... This was a stressful situation to say the least.

And yes I am aware that you are not supposed to be merge branches one hour before deadlines.

We had this team project to do in my second year at university. In C btw. My team consisted from 3 members. We had about a month or so to finish it. So of course we started 2 weeks before the submission. Well... I started. Those two didn't give damm about it at first but after I pushed them to do something one of them tried to code this simple function. It was supposed to check if the opptions from command line could be combined. His fuction had around !!200!! lines of code 😲 but he swear it was working. I was skeptic so i tested it. waaaaaait for it... it didn't work... the very first combination I tried that should not be accepted passed his awesome test 😱 I gave him another two chances. Result was the same.
I was furious. I had my part to do with little time to test someone else's code... So I desided to code the whole project on my own. Then I told my "coworkers" that they either pay me for it or they will be without any point for this project. I earned 80 € that day 😀😎

Btw my test function for those opptions had less than 10 lines 😁

working with a team of all microcontroller "PROGRAMMERS", is already a fail.

I hope I'm not spending several days worth of work rewriting a code base for it not to have any performance benefits at all.

At my workplace a while back we got some new interns.
I had been explaining how to use the commands on our Linux server. While I was in mid-sentence talking about what shutdown does, the intern inputs the shutdown command; shutting down everything... not shortly after, I start getting bombarded with emails and calls...

My partner decided to handle sales/marketing part and asked for 50:50 profit sharing, then finally it came to a mutually agreeable ratio 60:40 share of a project.

On the week after I've made few of the prototypes with modularized codebase. My partner dropped me this, "hey the project is cancelled. We ain't getting any payment"

End up in a way I found out that he's outsourcing some cheap contractors. Well let's wish him some luck! 💩

I tagged the wrong person and sent an angry message to someone who didn't deserve it.

That's enough internet for a while.

homerhide.gif

Starting programming project at the collage with 6 month running time.
In team we agree every day to start "soon"...
1 month left.. everybody gets hectic..
..Until then i had finished the project alone..
TEAMWORK ;) :''''''D

Just got done a practice interview with Triplebyte. The nerves are high.

Trying to review the architecture of an internal boilerplate... After having explained Atomic design principles, and the "component approach" to my colleague, he still managed to come back to me with:

- plugin/
- module/
- components/ ....

in his architecture... I don't know what to do. I'm depressed. FML. I'm quitting.

I was Noob af in my first year of engg!
My school friends and I decided to make a website.A website which will be a one stop shop for sports news,movies etc etc.
We took a week to make a logo and decide website's name.Before writing a single line of code we fought with one of group members and he left the project.😂
In the name of website we didn't do anything other than logo and name and the semester got over.I failed in two subjects in that semester.
In third semester i realized nothing gonna happen if i stay with these people so i started with Android on my own and I'm an android dev now.
Ps:I was the only from that group that actually made a website.It was E-commerce website that i made in sem 4

Sending approximatively a 100 PRs to trigger a reaction of my colleague.. Like "it would be great don't you think so..?"

I didn't get one (PR) back...

So I figure since I straight up don't care about the Ada community anymore, and my programming focus is languages and language tooling, I'd rant a bit about some stupid things the language did. Necessary disclaimer though, I still really like the language, I just take issue with defense of things that are straight up bad. Just admit at the time it was good, but in hindsight it wasn't. That's okay.

For the many of you unfamiliar, Ada is a high security / mission critical focused language designed in the 80's. So you'd expect it to be pretty damn resilient.

Inheritance is implemented through "tagged records" rather than contained in classes, but dispatching basically works as you'd expect. Only problem is, there's no sealing of these types. So you, always, have to design everything with the assumption that someone can inherit from your type and manipulate it. There's also limited accessibility modifiers and it's not granular, so if you inherit from the type you have access to _everything_ as if they were all protected/friend.

Switch/case statements are only checked that all valid values are handled. Read that carefully. All _valid_ values are handled. You don't need a "default" (what Ada calls "when others" ). Unchecked conversions, view overlays, deserialization, and more can introduce invalid values. The default case is meant to handle this, but Ada just goes "nah you're good bro, you handled everything you said would be passed to me".

Like I alluded to earlier, there's limited accessibility modifiers. It uses sections, which is fine, but not my preference. But it also only has three options and it's bizarre. One is publicly in the specification, just like "public" normally. One is in the "private" part of the specification, but this is actually just "protected/friend". And one is in the implementation, which is the actual" private". Now Ada doesn't use classes, so the accessibility blocks are in the package (namespace). So guess what? Everything in your type has exactly the same visibility! Better hope people don't modify things you wanted to keep hidden.

That brings me to another bad decision. There is no "read-only" protection. Granted this is only a compiler check and can be bypassed, but it still helps prevent a lot of errors. There is const and it works well, better than in most languages I feel. But if you want a field within a record to not be changeable? Yeah too bad.

And if you think properties could fix this? Yeah no. Transparent functions that do validation on superficial fields? Nah.

The community loves to praise the language for being highly resilient and "for serious engineers", but oh my god. These are awful decisions.

Now again there's a lot of reasons why I still like the language, but holy shit does it scare me when I see things like an auto maker switching over to it.

The leading Ada compiler is literally the buggiest compiler I've ever used in my life. The leading Ada IDE is literally the buggiest IDE I've ever used in my life. And they are written in Ada.

Side note: good resilient systems are a byproduct of knowledge, diligence, and discipline, not the tool you used.

I was one of the original developers behind the AuroraUX project. I left fairly early on as it was clear it would be a mismanaged disaster (we changed SCM three times before I had even finished initial planning).

About a decade later and, despite my initial work, no one did ever get GNAT and GIGI yanked off GCC, let alone put onto LLVM.

For the record, I think this is a bad idea now. GNAT and GIGI are awful and need to be replaced. GCC does a good job at executable code generation, and is generally competitive with LLVM. LLVM seems to have some better stuff for front-end designers that cause me to still favor it, but that's a different matter.

It sucks when the Project Manager assigned to you ruins your website and you get all the blame like you're not doing your job properly. It even more sucks when the Designers /PM / TL gets mad at you changing /adding something on the website that is not in the slices they submitted. Yes, I respect your work but the boss and the clients want to have their website more interactive. We're not doing brochures and magazine, people.

One month ago we got a college project to be done in a month
We started planning that we will complete it in the first week itself
We have still not started 😂😂

How interested would people be in a CoC that was defined in a much more moderate way, providing the documented clarity that one provides, but without the SJW excentricities?

Spend several months designing an alternative approach to string matching/parsing not based on parser combination or Regex. Benchmark and profile the ever living hell out of it. Find out the performance is highly competitive with FParsec and far easier on memory than either approach. Discover FParsec responds very badly when failing. Document all of this, do a presentation on the design. Upload video of presentation with links to it on a few sites. Presentation gets downvoted, and receive hatemail. Yay.

Spends 9 months on the side developing a library for analysis of a specific programming language. No help, entirely my own work. There's various tools built upon this library. Incorporates project management, an effective build system capable of parallel and distributed builds, a packaging system...

Beta release the library. Wait four months. Ask the community for who's been using it so I can get feedback and other comments. Majority of the comments follow a specific pattern.

"You don't support X, how dare you!?"

One, this is free software, pay me if you want specific things.
Two, I'm the only developer of a project usually undertaken by a small team.
Three, yes it does you fucking invalid... Every fucking time someone claims it doesn't support some feature, it's something I've already written and validated. I swear to fucking God users can't find something themselves and instead of checking the Wiki or asking for help, they blindly assume they can't make mistakes and it must be my defect.

A highly efficient reusable pattern declaration and parsing engine.

90% quarrel, 10% work.

It's sort of two separate projects although they are very tightly related.

The first is a pattern combination library and parsing engine. It takes a superficially similar approach to Regex or parser combinators, but with some important underlying differences.

The second is a specialized (not turing complete) language for rapidly defining full language grammars and parsers/lexers for those languages.

I was volunteering outside my country through an association that sends you to startups that are related to your studies.

It was a three month stay, and my first time out of the country, so it was exciting and scary.

On my last month, I checked LinkedIn (it's been months since I logged in) and I had a message from a week ago, by some dude with a startup of webdev and marketing located in my home country and home city.

I replied saying that I usually don't log into LI and that I was interested in the job, sent my CV. Days went by and I had no answer back and I was like "Damn, why me? I really wanted the job". Last week of my trip I got a message back from him, telling that he was interested and that it would be awesome to talk when I got back to my city.

When I arrived, a week went by before he called me and confirm the first interview. When I went to the interview, we talked about the job, what was needed and that he didn't have to test me because he was confident on what we've talked previously that I was competent enough.

Needless to say, it's been a month and two weeks since I began and I couldn't be happier, it's not the bad ass company anyone would like to work for, but they have an awesome team, they are comprehensible and it's growing fast.

A project manager of the contractor told me, a subcontractor's developer, during a skype call that they totally lost confidence that we will be able to fix the software issues we have. He told me that while the client was in the call, too. And then he demanded to fix the issues ASAP.

Does he really thought that this could speed up the development or that it motivates us to waste our free time for that project? Even more if you know that his assumptions are crap?

Not as dramatic or important.

Going to my first Hackathon with a couple mates, super pumped to see what it's like. We get there, start thinking about ideas.
> Mfw they are only there to fuck around and eat free food
> Mfw I was the only one developing something

My (almost) everyday work is a total fail. I hate my coworker. He's making decisions too fast, based on emotions, not learning on his mistakes, making many false assumptions and so on... Fuck, I hate working with him and I'm sick when I need to explain any advanced concept to him

I have worked in a hosting or sysadmin role for at least 8 years out of my career and managed thousands of servers in very large environments. My team has been shopping around for a new hosting company and has yet to include me on the calls / advisement. The people shopping for a provider... Zero hosting experience. Zero sysadmin experience. Zero applicable experience. Not IT people, not technical. Well I guess it's job security for when things blow up in our faces that I'll need to fix it.

Same product repo, two projects, 2 tech leads and 4 pms. Each project is a race to merge for trunk so the other has to do it.

A project where we had to program a Tetris game on terminal with ncurses. My mate was finishing a project and was supposed to finish it on Tuesday, finally, he finished on Friday. (We had three weeks to do it in parallel with other projects).

I asked him to come in the week end : he told me that he can't come to school on week end so he said that he would work at home.

The following week, he didn't tell me that he'll join his girlfriend in another city and spend the week with her.

The last week, he didn't work, spending all his time playing baby-foot on the school hub.

I don't know why it became like this, he was a perfect mate before this project!

I have a BlackBerry KeyONE, because quite frankly I type more than I watch video or other shit on my phone.

For a few years now the keyboards have also acted as a track pad of sorts. It's nice for scrolling apps without smudging up the screen. Not to mention my fingers are already there most of the time anyways.

The StackExchange app for whatever reason scrolls the wrong direction. It's the only app from dozens that do this. It's so isolated it seems like this is a design issue with SE, not the phone.

You'd think of all the apps, the one for developers wouldn't be the one I have problems with.

So I had to do a school presentation of a book. I was assigned with a classmate who I asked when we are going to do it. She answered with the next sunday. Presentation date was the monday afterwards. Which is kinda fine. But in the end she couldnt make it for whatever weird reason she gave me. So i sit a whole afternoon creating this presentation. Good thing was, that the teacher gave me a bettergrade, because I did everything.

I was sending data from online server.. and my team mate was still using localhost and complaining failure of data fetch!!😂

What's your most liked and most disliked language feature (not standard library feature) and why?

SonarQube is obnoxious in it's moronic ideas that demonstrate lack of understanding of the languages it's analyzing.

In C# there exists a special kind of switch-case statement where the switch is on an object instance and the cases are types the instance could polymorphically be, along with a name to refer to that cast instance throughout the case. Pattern matching, basically.

SonarQube will bitch about short switch-case statements done in this way, saying if-else statements should be used instead. Which would absolutely be right if this was the basic switch-case statement.

This is a language with excellent OOP features. Why are your tests not aware of this?

I can't realistically ignore the pattern because that would also ignore actually cases where it's right. And ignoring the issue doesn't sit right with me. How does it look when a project ignores tons of issues instead of fixing them?

My current employer...

In 3000 coworkers they have many things, but a team is not one of them... Fuuck

Well the worst teamwork fail was failing to do the research for the degree with my colleagues

Working on a CS370 (Software Engineering) project with 5 people; 2 of which feel like their time is more important than everyone else's so when we all meet as a group to go over presentations, documentation and other things we need to do as a group, they silently sit alone working on bits of code they should have done previously. Then when we can't get docs done and handed in on time, one of the two decides to spam our group chat at 2am when 2 of us are sleeping because we work in the morning, one of us is sleeping because of morning classes and the last one is doing god knows what. Like, I'm sorry. But failure to do your shit on time does not constitute an emergency on my shit. All of our weekly peer reviews reflect on how no matter what we say to these two; they refuse to work as a team.
!rant, more like dev hint
In a team, your time is not more important than team time. You can do things on your time whenever you want; but unless your entire team shares your schedule, team time might be a rare commodity and should be used as such.

Guy regularly comes off as woke in his shows. Been getting worse over time and it started really rubbing me the wrong way.

And in typical woke fashion, still has ass backwards stereotypes on women.

Generally speaking Microsoft's documentation has gotten extremely good.

Generally speaking.

I have projects that, at this point, would get considerable benefit from being able to write parts directly in IL. Sometimes this is for performance, sometimes this to be able to express things that are valid IL, but not expressable in C# or VB or F#. If you work a lot with language you probably know what I'm talking about.

Microsoft hasn't just not documented anything for doing serious IL development, they straight up haven't provided anything to make it easy. No IL projects. No IL syntax/intellisence in VS. Nada.

There is ILSupport, a third party extension which does offer this, even mixed language/IL projects which would be perfect for what I need.

Except Microsoft made a change in the newer SDK's which broke the extension. Where ildasm and ilasm use to be, isn't where it now is.

I'm working with the extension author to come up with a new solution but the lack of documentation and easy/reliable access to those tools is irritating.

Worst teamwork fail is to trust in your team!! Just kidding or not...

People who have used Triplebyte in your job search, how was your experience?

Tkinter. Really hard