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Told my colleagues about devRant and they laughed it off saying that it's just 'another app'.
Fuck them.10 -
That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.
I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!
Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡20 -
Potential Employer: So your website does not seem to work well in Internet Explorer. A lot of employers might get annoyed with it.
Me: Yeah, I don't want them to hire me or even send me a message.2 -
Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.
*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*
Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.12 -
Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"
FUCK OFF
No it isn't.
A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!16 -
*opens camera*
*permission popup asking for contacts/telephone permissions*
*installs Open Camera*
Really, fucking phone/contact permissions to take pictures?!
Yeah fuck right off.27 -
Started talking with someone about general IT stuff. At some point we came to the subject of SSL certificates and he mentioned that 'that stuff is expensive' and so on.
Kindly told him about Let's Encrypt and also that it's free and he reacted: "Then I'd rather have no SSL, free certificates make you look like you're a cheap ass".
So I told him the principle of login/registration thingies and said that they really need SSL, whether it's free or not.
"Nahhh, then I'd still rather don't use SSL, it just looks so cheap when you're using a free certificate".
Hey you know what, what about you write that sentence on a whole fucking pack of paper, dip it into some sambal, maybe add some firecrackers and shove it up your ass? Hopefully that will bring some sense into your very empty head.
Not putting a secure connection on a website, (at all) especially when it has a FUCKING LOGIN/REGISTRATION FUNCTION (!?!?!?!!?!) is simply not fucking done in the year of TWO THOUSAND FUCKING SEVENTEEN.
'Ohh but the NSA etc won't do anything with that data'.
Has it, for one tiny motherfucking second, come to mind that there's also a thing called hackers? Malicious hackers? If your users are on hacked networks, it's easy as fuck to steal their credentials, inject shit and even deliver fucking EXPLOIT KITS.
Oh and you bet your ass the NSA will save that data, they have a whole motherfucking database of passwords they can search through with XKeyScore (snowden leaks).
Motherfucker.68 -
Oh fuck off Google.
YouTube has stories now.
Brb going to throw up in a trash can. The most fucking stupid feature for YouTube.17 -
You know what? I'm fucking done with people telling me that open source alternatives to popular/proprietary suck by default.
Something does NOT suck by default just because it's FUCKING open source.
Have you got any fucking clue where we'd be right now if open source software didn't exist?!
Let me just remind you that about 80 percent of the worlds' servers run Linux. Open-FUCKING-source.
How the fuck are we supposed to innovate without open sourceness? Yes indeed, that would be about fucking impossible.
Although I've got to admit that some open source software programs don't work 100 well (in comparison to alternatives), what are you expecting? People put their free time into that shit and they've got to make money as well.
"well how are programmers supposed to feed their families if they only write open source software?"
Fuck right off. Of course we all need an income to survive. Hell, I need that as fucking well. But there's more to it than just work. Some people consider open source/working on open source software a hobby/passion. That doesn't even remotely mean thaty they don't work/don't need some kind of income.
If it wasn't for open source, we'd be nowhere (technologially seeing) right now.36 -
"FOAAS (Fuck Off As A Service) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off."
https://foaas.com/
I think the world needed this13 -
Been lurking here for a while. Finally pissed off enough to post.
Been programming in Ada for nearly a decade now. One of the few younger devs who knows the language well. Have a large collection of libraries and tools written in it, open source. Done contract work. Looking to get out of my current line of work, which is medicine, because fuck this recent legal climate. I'm spending all my time dealing with legal compliance and it rapidly changing.
I see a job posting from a company looking for a programmer to mostly write testing stuff for clients. They mostly work with Ada. I've written a whole unit testing and integration testing framework. Perfect. Apply. "You don't have the required skills." Oh... K then.
Wanna guess what I was just offered as contract work. Same company. I guess i'm fucking qualified if you asswipes sought me out to ask me to fix your fucking bullshit.
What the hell is wrong with management and HR in recent years?9 -
If you come to me, and ask for my opinion about something, then you throw “You’re wrong” at my face. Then why the fuck did you ask me in the first place? Fucking cunt21
-
THEY PULLED IT OFF! THEY FUCKING DID IT. FUCK YES!
GO SPACEX
TO THE MOON
TO THE MARRS
AND FURTHER19 -
*Gets out of bed*
"Where the fuck is my phone?"
*Aggressively yanks covers off bed*
*Thud*
"Found it" :)4 -
The Irish minister Rudd said today (for the second time I think) that 'WhatsApp gives terrorists a safe place to hide and execute their activities. Might be a good idea in the future to ban encrypted chat apps'. (not literally like that but it's a good summary of her points)
Imaginary dialog:
"okay so encrypted chat apps help terrorists and criminals to execute their activities"
"Alright, let's ban water then!"
"Wait what why would you ban water?!? How will ordinary people be able to drink then?"
"Why would you ban encrypted chat apps? How will ordinary people be able to communicate securely?"
😐
😶
😮
😧
😓24 -
I've had this twice in a very short period of time now and it really pisses me the fuck off.
Sitting in the train (I think the grammatically correct version is on the train but no that would be a little too dangerous for me I think), on my phone devRanting/Signalling/Rioting around when an an elderly person says (aiming towards me):
"Oh, youngsters and their technology, where has socializing gone? Why are you people always on your phones? Go socialize sometimes!"
Excuse me but fuck right off.
Because you know what, I am currently socializing.
Just not in the way you are used to or maybe even 'okay with'.
I'm talking with friends from all around the world (Signal + Riot), participating in interesting discussions (on here) and what not.
I do have very strict rules for myself though. When in company with people I am actually going to socialize with or when hanging out with friends, the phone goes the fuck away unless I NEED to be reachable.
But I'm on a fucking train with people I don't know and frankly I'm done with socializing for the day as I've had to hear (often stupid) people asking for help all day long.
Next to that, I don't know you, you don't know me, who am I to judge you? I'm not going to socialize with anyone here anyways and even if they'd like to, I'm fucking done with people for to-fucking-day.
Sincerely fuck off please.11 -
*Friend's phone isn't sending messages*
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
Friend: "Oh fuck off"
Me: "Well have you? just do it."
*restarts phone, it works*
Me: "funny how that happens"2 -
Anyone seen this? https://www.foaas.com/ FOAAS (Fuck Off As A Service) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off. An API for telling people to fuck off.3
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Working on a fuck off/you message service. You can easily generate a fuck off/you message and send it to someone.
No clue why I've (nearly) made it, maybe because I'm sick at home and wanted to make something.
It's nearly working though, yay.16 -
When on monday, a client asks you "WHY SOMETHING ISN'T FINISHED". Well, we don't work on weekends. Fuck off.3
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Fucking wix advertisements! Getting real tired of the "want a website? Why not make it yourself?" ads. You're already logging all my fucking google searches to display relevant ad info so maybe wrap your head around the fact that I'm a web dev and make my own fucking sites??6
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People who say something isn't working and ask us to investigate.
Alright, it's not on our side, go ask support at {differentcompany}.
*presents actual proof*
Client replies: oh but I asked the other side and they send over this proof *shows proof saying that its not on our side but very technical so the client doesn't understand* so it's definitely on your side!!!!!!
This annoys the living fucking hell out of me, FUCKING FUCK.
😡10 -
The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.
IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.17 -
"JavaScript was built in a weekend"
Yeah it was ... But not the version we have today ... Twats saying well I'm sure you can build this app in a few hours 🙄4 -
Umidigi, kindly go fuck yourself.
When --> I <-- buy a phone, I should be the fucking one who decides if I'm allowed to install a motherfucking custom launcher.
Your phone is awesome (second full day with heavy usage == 53 percent battery) but on the launcher thing, go fuck yourself. Also go to hell. No, go fuck yourself IN hell, that's even better.29 -
https://fuckoff.services.
Wrote it because fuck it why not. Was sick at home and wanted to build something :)
Feedback would be great!
About the short character limit, I might up it a little but this thing is about writing short messages and not stories so that's a choice on purpose.43 -
I frckin HATE people who say 'Ah, you can program now? So can you make a game for me? I even have some ideas!, bla bla blurb...'
It makes me wanna hurt them. And the really, really sad thing about it is: nearly no one understands why.4 -
Dude chaining in JavaScript is so fucking ugly but so trendy.
thing.doStuff().doThing().then().doMoreStuff().orDont()
Like fuck off with that.25 -
Don't develop depression, develop a personality instead, be more outgoing and outspoken, work out, dress better and make your life shit that goes beyond coding.
Tired of people in tech being this way. Everyone acts as if monkeying away on the keyboard makes them some sort of autistic genius that is too good for everyone else.
Some of you have the social skillset of a fucking potato.
You code dude. Most of you develop websites...chill the fuck out.52 -
Gf: Which way do you round 4.5 up or down?
Me: (int)4.5;
Gf: Ffs the proper way!
Me: Math.Round(4.5);
Gf: Fuck off.12 -
Fuck Off As A Service(FOAAS) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off.
http://foaas.com/
Finally , a usefuckingful service.2 -
I'm starting to think customers know when I'm busy and take that moment to break their products.
I JUST WANT TO LET MY LEG SOAK IN EPSOM WATER... your users are going to bed soon, it's a freaking Saturday, and you need to go get laid because you have too much time on your hands. I'm in pain and cannot help you restore service if you don't stay on the line. So please... don't. Fucking. Call me. Unless you're going to stay on the line to test. You're pushing my limits, and if my voice gets any quieter, it means I'm about to find your porn accounts and register you as an amateur, uploading cows fucking to get you banned from all the services. Congratulations sir, you've pissed me off so bad, I'm using my "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" voice I learned from my mother. I hope you're happy. I'm so mad I'm not even swearing anymore. I always swear.
Edit: if my voice ever sounds sweet and demure over the phone, someone is about to get fucked with a red hot fireplace poker. This fucker getting close.1 -
Recruiter called me again after months because he had an interesting position for me.
Something with 'it consulting' since I was 'into it' 'according to my linkedin'.
Fuck of and die.5 -
100+ attendants in the meeting
1 single speaker
random guy every 5 minutes: sorry guys have to drop off
WHO THE FUCK CARES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9 -
"hi, we have some dns records we'd like to change, they're in the attachment. Could you send a message when it's done? Thanks in advance!"
No, fuck off. Fucking cunts.15 -
The trend of referring to staff you just laid off as “alumni” is fucking stupid.
So is emailing and asking said recently laid off staff to join an “alumni committee” that involves, among other things: going to off sites and community events that the company will almost CERTAINLY be using for recruiting photos and “Best place to work” blog posts.
Just send me my final pay and fuck off already.5 -
I'm tired of everyone playing the fucking victim all the damn time.
Grow the fuck up and take responsibility of your fuck ups, not blame everyone but yourself.
God people piss me off these days12 -
A recruiter asks for my LinkedIn credentials to save me from the hassle of updating my profile.
Is this the new 'send me your cv in .doc format so I can write whatever I want in there'?
I'm not even looking for a job and I don't know who you are! Fuck off!3 -
Finally Going to Resign !!
I worked only for a month in current company but it feels everyday I am dealing with dementors.6 -
How to politely tell your client that their request for the new 'little' feature is unrealistic and fucking absurd?14
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"doEs AnYOnE HAVE IssUeS wiTh gETTing gIrl beCoz CodIng"
lmao what a fucking dweeb. What a loser really. How about we don't make a fucking job something akin to a personality trait?
were I single, would I sell myself as a "cODER" to a girl? fuck no, do some of you nerds really introduce yourself in such way? is this bs ass job your end all be all? aye, this be the easiest way to poise yourself in the complete opposite direction of the female sexual organ.
Fucking quit that shit, ain't no one really gasping for air because you can lay down some fucking js in a website, who gives a fuck? like really? these posts are so fucking annoying.
Grow a pair, and some personality.
Background: some dweeb complaining to me about finding it hard to get girls because of his "passion" station women would lose interest because all he would talk about is dev shit49 -
Why all the hate? Jesus...
I love my Windows 10 laptop, I love my Android phone, I love working in PHP. But I would never, NEVER, think less of anyone who prefers Mac/Linux/iPhone/C#/Python/what-ever-the-fuck12 -
After pissing me off for month or so with it's stupid bsods I've decided it's time to move on. Fuck windows.
7 -
I'm losing my fucking mind right fucking here.
Setting an anti-csrf token in the index.php file ONCE. Yes, I triple trillion checked, only fucking once.
Print it to the page as test, fair enough, looks good.
Send an ajax request to the server:
AN ENTIRELY FUCKING DIFFERENT TOKEN 😡
Fucking hell.13 -
Drivers across Operating Systems.
Windows: What the fuck is any of this? Here's something minimally functional.
Mac: That's not made by Apple, fuck off.
Linux: Here you go, have fun if you're missing functionality!3 -
For those of you retards that post shit like:
"fuck"
"well I hate this"
or similar shit that only you understand in the hopes that someone goes and asks you what is wrong: fuck off with that attention seeking bullshit.
Seriously, even it your shit is tech dev related, just fucking post it you attention seeking shitstain.
Or fuck off all together from the app to begin with.14 -
Many times I struggled to find the right words to ask people to fuck off. Now I remind them of social distancing.2
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It's been a year , I have been contributing to open source and using GitHub.......
There were some people who criticized me for doing open source, saying there's no future in that and u will end up doing nothing.
(But I never listened to them and ignored there words)
Few days back the same person asks me how to start contributing to open source and help him learn git.
U know what I did then??
I ignored again.2 -
Me : Today we have to demonstrate our progress to client. So remove all the dead code from the project which we had written for debugging.
** Removes all the comments2 -
“ThAnK YeW 4 KallIng MicraroSoFt TekNicAll SuppUrt, mY nAmE iS JaKe. YoUR KomputeR HaS VirUs ThaT NeEds ReMoVal.”
Go float yourself you sack of shit, your mother should have swallowed.7 -
PM: "Hey, can you send an email to SysAdmin I can't print in colours?"
And vagues off to a meeting.
Me: "what the fuck"16 -
So this Fujitsu monitor has a Vesa 100x100 mount but the monitor stand isn't removable. Bruh, why even bother putting a Vesa mount on the monitor if you can't take the original damn stand off. Fuck you Fujitsu, fuck you.
6 -
It must be exhausting for people in 2018 to always be on the hunt for something to be outraged or offended about.9
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How every project goes. Starts off pretty and then after a bit you say fuck it and toss the rest in however.
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it can be the most interesting article in the world, but if you ask me to confirm cookies, to enable notifications and to disable my adblock or subscribe to your aWeSoMe newsletter at the same time I'm not interested in spending any more time on your site
oh and also, FUCK YOU, return your degree, resign and FUCK OFF1 -
I fucking hate CORS. I mean yeah I get that it's for security and all but fucking COCKSUCKER is it ever fucking getting annoying dealing with this shit…5
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This dude that i been helping on his project for free wants me to travel to his city(which is in a different country) to discuss the project and what's missing lmao hahahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah right.
Wondering how he managed to text with his head so far up his ass.
Fucking idiot.
Suuuure thing buddy, guess i will be paying for all my expenses as well using the money you have not given me? Fuck you think this is? If i agreed to help out it was to help one of your developers who so happen to be my boy and even he knows u is full of shit
Think this is my first rodeo? Bitch asked me to send him the project and i fucking denied it and he didn't like it. Said the code is his lmfao not ze fuck is not. No contract? Bitch your ass can come on over to Texas and demand it. Damn sure your dumbass is going to dislike demanding shit looking down the barrel of a .45
Fucking idiot2 -
"If you use a css framework splat splat splat splat bullshit bullshit bullshit"
Listen fam, I write apps that a good portion of the time will be used internally by the company I represent or work for. They don't give 2 flying fucks if I write an entire webpack ecosystem for them to push out assets and 10k outher bs shit in to their frontend end. They just care that shit connects properly to their backend and it spits out the information they need, which 9 times out of 10 does not require a lot of the shit y'all cry about.
Bootstrap will suffice, bulma will suffice. I don't neckbeard over simple shit like this.15 -
>Me: *wants to do something in plain JS*
>Idiots on SO: "Here, have a jQuery solution"
How about fuck off with your jQuery?13 -
I'm all for algo feeds, but FOR FUCK SAKES INSTAGRAM LET ME TURN YOUR ALGO OFF. It's shittier than a sewer full of shit.
1 -
I think: "please send us an email"
is a polite way of saying
"please fuck off and don't call again".
May be I'm wrong 🙄8 -
You know a company is ripping you off when they charge £79 for a fucking charger and it breaks in 1 year. Fuck you Apple2
-
CAN FORUMS THAT REQUIRE YOU TO MAKE AN ACCOUNT TO USE THEIR SEARCH FEATURE FUCK THE HELL OFF ALREADY?!?!7
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Dear fuckface,
Fuck you and your Electron gobbling up RAM like it's free food at a all-you-can-eat buffet. It's not. Please take your Electron and fuck the fuck off from my computer.
Sincerely, with a double middle finger and double middle toes,
PTH6 -
"Six gnomes will be eaten one at a time by a troll and have different colored hats..."
LITERALLY please fuck ALL the way off. Entirely.6 -
Company praises us for being so productive working remote during covid
Forcing us to go in after covid with no remote option
12 -
I find it annoying when non-tech savvy people criticize the Parler devs for using AWS because "it's Amazon they had it coming", I don't know the devs or company behind that website, I've never used it, but wtf man do you have any idea what's involved in building, deploying and maintaining a platform like that or any other similar? ffs you would barely be able to write an HTML blog by yourself and you dare judge devs for using AWS. fuck off.
I agree with the sentiment, it sucks, if my platform was removed from AWS I probably would keep it that way because I don't have the money to afford the hardware nor am I somewhere that's readily available and that's what is really sad it would suck that just because Amazon doesn't like you or you don't have the influence to fight it you and your userbase can go fuck off. Very bad precedent, it is discouraging.68 -
If refactoring scares you, fuck off out my team.
If you keep code in the codebase simply because it took you ages to write it, fuck off out of my team.
Some people must be wishing pain and suffering upon themselves and their colleagues.8 -
Can't fucking stand permanently lazy devs who don't give a shit about their craft.
Fuck off and go do something else that you actually give a shit about! *
😤😤😤😤🤬
* unless you're burnt out - then I'm sorry they overworked you x5 -
When you sign up to public WiFi (ikr 🙄) with the name: Mr Fuck Off... Etc
Then it greets you with: "Welcome Fuck!"
I played myself 😝 -
My company changed its policy to not let off days carry over into the next year. How the fuck is this shit legal.15
-
Meets a family member****
Fam.Member: Hey so what do you do now?
Me: I work with a tech company
Fam.Member: Nice. As what?
Me: Software Engineer
Fam.Member: oh IT stuff. Can you check my phone for me, it's slow now.
Me: No (then walks away sipping my drink)7 -
Windows you dense motherfucker! Now you come with two different fucking candy crush games and some fucking disney piece of shit botnet useless game consuming an entire GB of precious ssd space?? What the flying fuck i swear i hate this piece of junk more and more every day.
Furthermore, i got my motherboard replaced the other day since it suddenly died and now i cant boot into linux anymore since windows decided it's the only os to live on my laptop? Fuck off3 -
On a completely unrelated note......Love Death and Robots is on Netflix and shit is sooo good it ain't funny.
10/10 would recommend.5 -
Ffs people get the fuck out off that Gitlab. I've been there sooner than you, now can't event load login form.2
-
!rant
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
For AI, in particular Deep Learning developers, practitioners, hobbyists and otherwise people interested in the field.
If you go into the Pytorch website, click on resources and scroll down you will see a link to "Deep Learning with Pytorch" by Manning publications. This will give you access to the book, a book that if memory serves me well costs about 40+ in printing and the online book format is about 29 (again, if memory serves well)
The book is currently FREE and it does not ask you for an email address, you can just tell them why you want it for and they will give you the free pdf download.
I don't know how good the book is, but have found Manning to publish really good resources.
Do with this information what you want.
And yes, I am leaving the rant tag, so that more people can see this and take advantage of the opportunity in case of being interested and not having the money to purchase the book after the promotion is done and over with. Fuck you about tags and shit.10 -
Currently balancing my full time job. A Rails bigass project and certain php contracts.
The rails one is unpaid, and I am doing it on my free time since my "payment" would be a portion of the company and a CTO position once it is done. I am building it with one of my best friends and he got the contract from this one dude he has who is loaded and will be selling this to the dptmnt of education of certain country.
The thing is, we all know how it works with those projects. The CEO had contracted this project to some people. He paid them handsomely and as is the case with certain situations the project was abandonded, the devs took the money and ran. So that is why he decided that instead of paying people like he should he would instead try and see if he could get someone interested. He told my friend to get himself an "American developer" since he was fed up with the devs of said country and that is how I am here now.
But the thing is, he is somewhat desperate to see something and even tho I show advancements on a weekly basis I hate the wordings of his group text messages:
"All right guys. I need to see some advancements, show me what you got now"
Motherfucker. You sit your ass and WAIT for me to want to show you something, but don't demand shit like if you are paying me. As far as I know my priorities lie in my current day job or the other people that ARE paying me.
>i need to see some advancements
Fuck off.6 -
Some people want to watch the world burn.
Me, i want to add the line ".gitignore" to .gitignore, force push it and fuck off to holidays with a phone turned off.7 -
Just because I manually updated a database record, does not mean I can fix your bluetooth headset. Now fuck off.1
-
New ticket:
Ticket: "I just spoke with-"
Me: "LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE! IM NOT GONNALET YOU FINISH! IS THERE A PROBLEM? THEN HAVE THE PERSON YOU SPOKE WITH / SAW THE FUCKING THING HAPPEN CONTACT ME! ALMOST NEVER IN MY LIFE HAS A GAME OF TELEPHONE EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT FUCKING DRAGGED OUT THE PROBLEM! WIDGET DOESN'T WORK? THING DOESN'T DO A NON SPECIFIED THING? FUCK YOU FOR DROPPING ALL THE INFO I NEED AND SENDING A VAGUE EMAIL!!!"
-ticket set to not gonna do shit until someone who saw the thing gets off their ass and says what is actually happening-1 -
What the fuck is up with this fucking tour bus company called Akdeniz?
These fucking retards want me to login to instagram etc. to get wifi access. Like wtf. Is not my 30 TL not enough?
Are you really going to save my login data for a few TL? Why would you dipshit people want me to login with my social media account (besides of that I do not even have an Instagram account. Miss me with that gay shit.)
I do not have a fucking fuckbook and a twittermyass.
I hope y'all fucking die by sucking my long ass dick, incompetent braindeads!
8 -
Got official announcement that power will be cut off and given in schedule. For many weeks.
Fuck, we are all just adult toodlers pretending to run businesses as a game. Right? So yeah, just fuck us.3 -
Looks like despite 20-30 years on the market all popular text / spreadsheet editors are still loading whole file to memory.
What the fucking wankers. WTF are they doing whole day besides changing menu layout and icon colors ?
Clearly development today is lead by bunch of idiots from marketing department accompanied with HR hiring social network self made models.
What a fucked up world.
Let’s add AI to our software but fails to open 150MB csv file.
Great job everyone. Great job.4 -
Waking up in the middle of the night with sleep paralysis. Thx brain. Fuck off.
Especially fun when hearing strange noices. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂9 -
PM: Did you start looking into that stress testing tool.
Me: Literally looking into it right now
PM: Ah cool. So you'd be ready tomorrow?
Me: No
PM: Why not?
Me: I literally started looking at the tool. I can't promise anything.5 -
"Hey, I need a website making.."
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.
"I can't believe you're turning away work.."
As if I don't have enough shit to deal with without this douchebag. -
Arghhh, noisy bastards, people who slurp their coffee instead of just fucking drinking it. Fuck off away!2
-
Hey Guys Look.
It's that asshole who never paid me calling me about his brand new idea.
Should I pick it?8 -
"I made a PWA, I'm a mobile app developer"
Me: No fuck off, you're a lazy cunt that doesn't want to learn native development.5 -
Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.
Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.
The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.
He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.
Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.2 -
I thought noise cancelling headphones were a universal sign and courteous way of saying "I'm busy, fuck off" but apparently that doesn't seem to translate to my team. Every time I put these things on people start trying to talk over/through them.
How else do I let my team know to fuck off?14 -
!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.6 -
Dear YouTube,
If you want me to fucking watch your fucking same ad every fucking 2 minutes, I will fucking fuck watch those fucking ads on my fucking TV.
Fed up. Moving to YouTube magisk ad-free module. Fuck off YouTube. Recently you became to greedy.
Fuck off.8 -
Fuck today and fuck every piece of shit manager and non-dev coworker that thinks they contribute anything meaningful besides being a fucking idiot and making things complicated. I hope my team, except for the other devs, jumps off a bridge into a valley of dicks and spikes. I hope my client tells them to personally fuck themselves for being such a useless waste of space. Fuck off and die cunts.1
-
Fuck off Windows Defender.
I love Windows but this defender shit is fucking annoying me with it's popup messages to enable SmartScreen. Fuck you and your piece of shit SmartScreen.7 -
Companies that expect interns to work for free since they are learning at the job. sincerely fuck off!
8 -
Why is fuck as a fucking word used so fucking often??? In like every other fucking rant on my fucking feed...6
-
No fuck you you are not going to post your shitty generic products with 20mb photos that we host! Fuck off. No it's not "blurry" you fuck wit it's a normal picture in this industry .3
-
Why do they ask for a ball park price based on a non existent spec and pathetic meeting ramblings. FUCK OFF.
-
Best: Becoming an IT contractor
Worst: Not telling more people to "fuck off and go fuck yourself if you're not going to be helpful" while I was perm -
So I got sick of this "nodejs" bullshit around here and proposed a competition to define our next backend tech.
The node defender is already finding excuses as to why they might write bad code because of lack of knowledge , my answer:
If you don't know the tech we ain't gonna use it. -
FUCK YOU YOU SHITTY COCK SUCKING BITCH MOTHERFUCKER.
GO DIE IN A HOLE THEN GET RAPED IN HELL. I REALLY HATE THIS SHIT.
FUCK OFF GOOGLE.
12 -
You know what? I'm done with this bullshit of "do it and we review latter" when I ask clarification on requirements.
No you fucking stupid piece of shit, I'm a mother fucking professional developer, treat me with fucking respect!
I can't spend weeks trying to figure out wtf is your specific domain specifications if you ain't answer my questions with clarity I'm gonna keep asking them in slightly different ways as if you where a search engine and I'm trying to search wtf is in your mind.
Only then I'm gonna start planning/coding your shit.
I have better things to do.
Your lack of planning isn't my priority.3 -
!dev
Well fuck you Epic Games and Deep Silver!
I was really interested in getting Metro Exodus, but I'm not gonna install that shitty Epic Store!
Fuck off!10 -
nice try, now fuck off (it's red because I tried to first just press download without entering anything)
7 -
Mother fucking candy crush cunts fucking Microsoft FUCK OFF REPEATEDLY REINSTALLING THIS FUCKING SHIT!!! THREE FUCKING TIMES TODAY I HAVE 'UNINSTALLED' THEM. Yet somehow, they keep FUCKING COMING BACK. not updating, haven't even clicked ok to install them, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONTROL MY PC MØRE THAN I DO! FUCK OFF!10
-
The amount of sass I give people from other departments at work that think that they can just walk all over my guys is something to write books about.
Someone already tried pulling some shit with me and the hod, so what did I do? I fuckd her app up and moved her dumbass down to the bottom of the queue, now she gets to do manual paperwork for here till I get tired of it. Again, that is what your dumbass gets for harrasing my guys ...1 -
I hate all these projects with cute cartoons, phrases and prompts, when you're debugging under pressure they're so fucking infuriating. Right now I want to destroy that dumb GitHub issues bot with a baseball bat.1
-
I fucking hate Facebook cocksuckers... They're the worst I tell you...
And did I mention Facebook pays NGOs to 'advertise' about Facebook as an advertisement platform... Fuckkkk
And I am fucking forced to sit down and clap for these ass kissers, even though I don't have Facebook...2 -
I always get this fucking want to cut off my head headache after giving every damn workshop at office. Fuck you head. Fuck you.1
-
"Can you look at this bug when inputting negative numbers?"
I check the app and think, "negative numbers don't make sense here".
Sure enough there is validation in place to prevent negative numbers being typed.
Yet they still managed...
By pasting in negative numbers, after being unable to type them, thinking "fuck it I'll paste it instead", then complaining to us because they abused our app.
Seriously.
Fuck.
Off.2 -
fuck off with the “do x in y lines of python code” it’s getting so goddamn annoying. yes python is concise. yes libraries do everything. you don’t need to show off someone else’s work with clickbait.
everything is like
“make a web server in 2 lines of python code”
import http.server
server = http.server.serve()
“mine bitcoin in 2 lines of python code”
import bitcoinminer
bitcoinminer.mine()
“do crazy math with 4 lines of python code”
import complex
import numpy
num1 = 1
num2 = 1
num3 = complex.addVectorMagnitudes(num1, num2)9 -
Since we announced our product yesterday, the bots have started emailing our fuckin support system (which automatically ends up in our Jira Service Desk).
Pound salt you halfwit marketing fucks, you're cluttering our bug reports -
Deadline not met, manager blames and go off on all developers. They think development is easy.
Fuck you2 -
Windows rant incoming!
For fucks sake! I think Windows have asked me 117 times if I want to update now. The answer is still fucking no!
And I don't care how much of a security improvement it might be, when your shitty update causes a Memory Management error.
So fuck off, stop minimising my game while I play and go fix your shitty update first!
Fuck you Microsoft, fuck your QA team and while I'm at it, I want to say fuck you to all versions of Windows Server as well!5 -
*adds border to the bottom of a fucking div*
Why, hello there Mr. FUCKTARD HORIZONTAL-FUCKING-SCROLLBAR. That totally makes God damn fucking shittard fuck'ala'fucking fuck-damn'le-shit-fucka-shittard sense.1 -
Dear Windows Defender,
why do you automatically delete my shit? I thought i turned you off for the n'th time already.
Fuck off, i have bitdefender.3 -
Sure we cannot release untill all the micromanagable fuckery is fucked beyond recognition...
Fuck off already3 -
Who is that genius at Microsoft thought about that if adding a new email to outlook on Android and credentials are wrong, CLOSE THE WINDOW AND GO BACK TO SETTINGS!!
Error message says wrong username/password then let me fucking fix them not go back and enter everything from scratch (outgoing, incoming servers, username, password)
Fuck this shit -_- -
Google tracks Android users even with location services turned off.
https://theguardian.com/technology/...
Fuck Google & Apple; Are there any decent mobile operating systems that actually respect your privacy?11 -
"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "
Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.3 -
Setupwars. Show off your epic coding zone setup.
Your biggest oh fuck moment as developer. "I dropped the prod DB"1 -
I've been a "firefighter" on our big money-making project for like a year now and probably will be for the next year. Every sprint, fully booked out.
However, this sprint, some people think I have time to brainstorm, learn new tech and attend meetings related to a completely new project.
"Will it done in 2 weeks?"
"How long do you estimate?"
I can knock up a rough version of your fucking application in about a week if someone grows some fucking balls and schedules me some fucking time for it. STFU and stop interrupting my other work. Allocate some time or shove it up your ass so far until you regurgitate it then swallow it again and choke on it. -
Rant/collab proposal
The sheer fucking amount of popups on websites that ask this really pisses me off.
"Do you want out pathetic, groveling push notifications"
Option 1: Fuck yes, spam me right now!
Option 2: Later, because who can resist our spam
I propose a chrome addon that replaces the second option on every notification request popup, which is usually "Later" with "Fuck off"5 -
FUCK OFF MSDN. YOU JUST PUT THIS WHEN THE DEVS ARE TOK LAZY TO ACTUALLY WRITE UP ERROR DOCUMENTATION.
-
Fuck Tik Tok or whatever shit that thing is
That shitty commercials are all over google ads. Ok, I have seen that girl enough changing scenes, so please fuck off.2 -
I broke prod for 10 seconds, and nobody noticed. Also, why the fuck did the alarms not go off? 🤷♂️ 🚨 🙈5
-
My day today:
- tell everyone to fuck off and are idiots politely from 10 to 4
- tell them if they won’t fuck off now I will start looking for a job - 1 hour
- listening them apologizing me - 1 hour
- code and solve problems - 1 hour
Mondays
Hopefully I start working on Tuesday.5 -
Fuck off OneDriveSetup.exe, nobody asked you to install anything. This "i7" is only dual-core, and I need both of them to run my code, kthx.
-
Fuck off git!
Why the fuck is a simple "git status" getting stuck? Is it even gonna return something by the end? How long am I supposed to wait?
Ffs 😡😡😣28 -
The thing I hate the most at the moment, is working/receiving tasks on chat (Skype, telegram).
Content, corrections and all. As I like to scroll my hand off to copy your fucking content while you keep writing on an on.
Write a motherfucking document!
Now I start raging at the any chat notifications 😡😈2 -
Recruiters that sent me (3 times) a straight plain job offer that begins with "before apply please check carefully if you satisfy all the requirements" so without even spent time to check if I'm the person they're looking for (I'm not) should get the fuck out of my inbox.
Are they fucking using a bot? They reached that level of uselessness?4 -
Been invited to a bi-weekly meeting about a project that I'm not even working on yet.
I think I'll just go and cut my own brake cables then drive home. -
!rant
So Microsoft thought it was a great idea to force-install updates and restart my Window Server 2016.
Please, Microsoft. It's time to stop.6 -
Fuck this algorithms course. How the fuck do you expect me to populate a 2d array of N^2 elements with data in linear time if you won't fucking let me write to more than one element at a time???
Dear CS department,
Make sure your homework makes fucking sense before shipping it off to students.
Regards,
A pissed off student
And before anyone comes at me with this "But you can technically do that if there's k*N elements and it would still be linear time" shit, fuck off; there's a worst case of needing to write to half the elements in the 2d array so it's still N^2 no matter how you try to "but technically" your way though it.3 -
Well, it happened, my school managed to block SSH
It also means no more git, and if this shit isn't fixed I might be forced to use TFS
Whoop de doo
11 -
Who the fuck programs grandfather clock to go off after 3 in the morning ... You scared the shit out of me
-
I'll be asking the HR of my next company to include a "fuck off" clause in the contract if they want to hire me.
Under that clause, I would have the right to tell anyone, and everyone, to fuck off. It includes all 24 hours of the day, not just the working hours.10 -
Oh fuck off. Why do you put a fucking iMac on the floor
... Face up I imagine to then have your gf step on it 😡
Why the fuck would you even allow that situation to happen2 -
Can we have a new rule on greendots? As soon as they ask for "the codes" instant permanent ban. Fuck off.10
-
Was gonna make a meme about the npc wars on devrant. Just not inspired. So settled on one I have been thinking about. Inspired by devrant events.
4 -
I can now tell if a client will be difficult before... I do the work.
Good skill to have, I can tell them to fuck off1 -
Hell yeah !!!
They leave shitty code unfinished module for me to get done!
I better write from zero for the entire module!
Fuck off!!!1 -
I AM going to put parts of my SUPPORT request in CAPITALS to point OUT how annoy I am.
SORT IT OUT
Seriously FUCK OFF4 -
Android buttons are the fucking worst thing to deal with when using Xamarin. FUCK YOU ANDROID BUTTONS I DONT WANT YOUR SHITTY DEFAULT PADDING THAT I CAN'T GET RID OF YOU CAN GO FUCK OFF.8
-
You know why there is no sharp, non-blurry weirdass image of these Windows Update screens? Cus they actually don't take very long and in your shaking senseless windows hate you gotta pull up the camera asap to get a picture of it, after you missed it last time.3
-
I'm getting more and more fed up with my fellow colleagues who encounter errors in the execution of their code and come to me like bumbling idiots..." I don't know ow what's wrong ... It's not working"
DID YOU READ THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE? I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE IT TELLS YOU EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG! YOU KNOW WHAT...EVEN IF ITS NOT 100% CLEAR GOOGLE IT. BET YOU FIND THE ANSWER
To add insult to idiocracy...I recently over heard grumblings of being displeased at current level - fuck off you lazy ass child - if you can't read an error and Google for the damned solution in today's era search engines and developer assistance, you don't deserve to call yourself a "Senior Developer"
People like to act like there's some great secret to becoming a competent developer...I'm posit over half is simple reading comprehension2 -
if (!rant) Fuck oranges
else
It's about time we make some God fucking damn things fucking God fucking clear. What the fuck does programming have to do with fucking non-programming?
Honestly. Fucking fucks pretending to be fucking programmers (probably not you, but fuck off if you're one of those fuckers.) FUCK SUCH PEOPLE FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK!
There. Now that's out there. Leave fucking programming to the fucking fuckers who fucking know some-fucking-thing fucking ab-fucking-out it. If you're learning, ask questions, without you there'd be no fucking future for good fucking programmers. But if you're a fucking fuck fucking ducks in the fucking park--fuck the God fucking damn the fuck OFF!3 -
Reinstalled windows.
Now it updates.
Stayed for 10 freakin minutes on "Working on updates. 100% complete. Don't turn off your computer!" and then went back to 0%. FUCK YOU WINDOWS, FUCK ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO RUN LOL ON UBUNTU. FUCK FUCK FUCK.3 -
Never understand why schools use C/C++ as an introductory programming langauges. Someone needs to tell those text editor people to fuck off.
52 -
I just popped the left click button of my mouse off. Fuck my life, now I can't play Northgard.
Ugh2 -
Time to reinstall Windows 10 again... I want to switch over to some Linux distro but then i can't play GTA :(
9 -
"Hello, thank you for your inMail but please go fuck yourself with a huge cactus with your Drupal developer job proposal."
> copy
> paste
> paste
> paste
> paste
> paste
> paste1 -
ArseHole, for simple CRUD, my client suggest to use WordPress. Then they added payment and booking system. I asked why still using WordPress????? It's nightmare to work three peoples on functions.php file.
Fuck off. Go fuck yourself. 😣7 -
There are 43 people in our team. Every 43 of them come to salute me in the morning, fuck off, let me work. Just go ahead with your shit but leave me alone.4
-
I'm building an app with Cordova and everything was working great, tested on multiple devices and everything worked perfectly. Until my boss called me to say that some interfaces don't work on his phone. Needless to say Android 4.3 doesn't like the "new" syntax of flex and just tells me that I can fuck off. Well Android fuck off too.2
-
Dude i asked you to review my pull request because i thought we were cool. The code change is about a simple rename, SO FUCK OFF WITH THE REFACTOR SUGGESTIONS. STOP DOING THAT TO MY CODE REVIEWS
2 -
So I cant resize the window and I can't scroll down anymore... Where the fuck is "below" so I can turn "off" data collection 😤
2 -
This has nothing to do with AI but -
Fuck AI !!
Fuck OpenAI !!
Fuck Sam Altman !!
Fuck the whole AI ecosystem !!
Fuck anyone who said AI will replace devs !!
Fuck all of those marketing fucks who said AI will be smarter than people.
And at the last but not the very least,
FUCK YOU if you like AI. Fuck off.11 -
I wish the clients without knowledge would fuck off about google page speed insights, as if it actually measures speed and as if I give a fuck about your new raison d'être.
-
Porca puttanata, non funziona un cazzo.
Fuck this api is so strange sometimes.
Ich hab die Schnauze voll, aber die Scheiße will nicht rendern wie ich es will. -
Microsoft Dynamics NAVision DB Backend - 22000+ Columns of pure cancer. 7 booleans for determining what day it is... fuck off...
4 -
Having to give time estimates for custom projects involving functionality unlike anything you've done before - FUCK OFF. How is that possible?!2
-
I generally do not like google for many reasons, but if they added this feature to android "disable app notifications by default", I would love and kiss them to death.
Notifications these days are just about the most abhorrent feature of smart phones. I have never owned an iPhone so cannot say anything about that, but on Android its just bad. The system itself is good, but its being misused by developers. Today I checked out this app called "CPU Cooler", its one of those apps that tricks people into believing they should close apps in order to save battery life. Anyways, I opened it, I "cleaned my phone" and closed it. About an hour later I got this notification "heeey, you haven't cleaned your phone in a while".
Fuck off, uninstalled.
If it ever becomes socially acceptable, I would buy a Nokia brickphone in a heartbeat. My cousin said we would be much better off without smartphones and he is (possibly) absolutely right.9 -
I get a late start (two weeks) on a jumping in on a project because I was assisting with production issues. The service is not running and basically nothing has been checked in. Mind you, we're not doing anything new.
"Senior" (while I'm trying to work on my part ) : Hey can you hurry up and finish your part? I'm thinking about coming up with a completely different way than what the group wants. (heard this several times)
Me : *finishs my part with coverage and gets the service up running and rating in a week because I'm avoiding code conflicts*
"Senior" : OK well nevermind what I said about coming up with a different strategy. I'll develop the last bit of the service since again everything has been laid out already on what to do.
Me : OK, I'll work on code coverage for the rest of the project and updating the code based on feedback from the other team members.
Me (a week later after hearing that he has moved on to another task) : Did you finish up that last bit?
"Senior" : Well I shifted focus working on feedback from the review. Feel free to finish that last bit I was supposed to work on because I don't know wtf I'm doing and I would rather ride your ass instead of attempting anything significant on my own.
Me: Heard.
-
Dude. I asked my question like 6 months ago. I got an upvote and two answers. I accepted the one which helped me the most and upvoted it myself.
How about you fuck off with your edit suggestions on a buried subject? -
!rant
Can I please just randomly find a million euros somewhere so I can just fuck off everything?!
🤑🤑🤑 -
When co-workers act like you have no work to do. So they try to give you more stuff.
Fuck. This. Shit.1 -
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I FUCKING HATE ES6 AND ITS GODDAMN IMPORT BULLSHIT
FUCK OFF AND LEMMIE REQUIRE MY FUCKING MODULES FOR FUCKS SAKE5 -
Life is shitty till some people work off hours, on Saturdays, ping you anytime. Fuck those people!2
-
"we don't care about the statement of work or that you've fulfilled it. We want <insert massive list if unrelated and unrealistic requirements here>."
Yeah, we'll eat a bullet you ham-fisted, knob gobbling buffons. -
FUCKING UNITYMEDIA.
you know what pisses me off?
No?
THOUGHT SO.
WHEN THE INTERNET JSNT WKRMING, IM SO TRIGGERD FUCKI CKDJAJABALAMHSKDJSLAKSBSJN FUCK!1 -
I fucking hate snow, fuck off. Literally a fucking nuisance to the whole world. Trains getting cancelled, roads completely fucked to drive on. Fucking stupid.11
-
Go on @sandeepbalan, ask us how we're spending this weekend.
I haven't told anyone to fuck off today. Come on, do it.4 -
Asshats in QA,
Kindly please be leaving me the fuck alone so I can work.
Fuck off,
-Rowsdower
(Sorry, 'ol Rowsdower's grumpy today.) -
Fuck away from me And Get FUCKED.
FEels so fucking good fucking off other companies who try to contact me first and give me an interview JUST GO FUCKING FIRSR YOUR DADS ASSHOLE TILL HE SHITS IN UR MOUTH FROM THE SUPER MASSIVE GIANT SHITHOLE FUCK YOU FUCK OFFF
6 -
Working for a little SharePoint-Company while studying.
Have to hunt bugs.
Found a major bug which kills one of our customers SharePoint-Site completely because of code pasta.
Told my supervisor about the bug and reported it.
"yeh. we will fix it now"
2h later they started to go live.
"Did you fix the bug?"
"No. Wanted to have the system live asap."
On my way home I got a call.
"We need you back here in the office"
"Why?"
"It crashed. Is not reachable anymore. Help fixing it"
fuck off
-
Why is web development so inconsistent?
Im trying to center something and it's 30px off-center because of some space out of freakin' nowhere.
Fuck. -
Fuck, why is every mildly interesting Algo trading backtesting python package broken or killed off :(4
-
FFS if you're Ajaxing some shit onto your crappy webpage, show that it's loading.
Even just "Loading..." is better than making me click on a random piece of shit on the page because the thing I wanted to click jumped down the screen a nano-second before I clicked it because you Ajaxed some cookie warning/advert above it.
The Internet is becoming unusable.1 -
Sandeepbalan hasn't asked us how our weekends are going. I really want to tell someone to fuck off.
Sigh.. guess I'll wait.5 -
Could somebody please get sandeepbalan to ask us what we're doing this weekend.
I really want to tell someone to fuck off.1 -
How is it that a customer ends up "failing" some development work which was our (my) idea, presented to them as a proof-of-concept solution to a problem?
Mentioning some phantom specification and saying "it's not this and it's not that".
You'll get what you're given you fucking little retard piece of shit. Sorry I opened my fucking mouth, you can struggle in future you stupid, inconsiderate fucking hollow-brained bastard. Shove it up your arse and take your manager's dick out of your mouth. They think you're a fucking prick too, just like your parents.
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