Meets a family member****
Fam.Member: Hey so what do you do now?
Me: I work with a tech company
Fam.Member: Nice. As what?
Me: Software Engineer
Fam.Member: oh IT stuff. Can you check my phone for me, it's slow now.
Me: No (then walks away sipping my drink)

Lol

You ain't a software engineer, and you never will be if you cant make a Slow phone fast!!
-Your Relatives

@DrDonkey hahahaha

You should have answered, "sure but it will cost you £50 for me to take a look at it"

This does establish a few things:
1) you can do it (at least you could look into it for them)
2) you won't work for free
3) if they go for it, then at least you have payment (upfront of course)

If they ask you why your charging just say it took you years to learn all the stuff you know and your time is valuable

"Maybe, I'll have to go to the dentist this afternoon though"
"Oh, toothache?"
"Nah, back pain"
"...... Then why on earth the dentist?!"
*the dentist works with people as well?"

@ftyross true but i just didn't want to have anything to do with him. He's an asshole

@RegNex that is certainly a judgement call lol. Everyone could do with cutting out assholes out of their lives