Scope creep is the real life version of Chutes and Ladders

Welp. Net Neutrality is dead. Scratch that, the internet is dead.

Sometime around 2010 a colleague asked me to join him in developing mining rigs for some shit called “bitcoin”. I thought it was dumb as hell.

He’s a millionaire now.

When you do some cool shit at work but exactly zero people outside of it will understand

Working with people who don't use and refuse to use keyboard shortcuts.

I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS

Dependency Injection

I've got 99 problems and all of them are priority one.

Just finished reviewing a 9700+ line PR. Next up: contemplating my life decisions.

This one time, I turned off Slack, and actually got some work done.

"It's not DNS
It is never DNS
It was DNS"

-Richard Campbell

Today, during the dev meeting I run, I was asked to "tone down" my language. The two obvious responses:

--language

Or my preferred method

Fuckthat++

!rant

Anyone have tips on working one-handed? I'm having shoulder surgery tomorrow and while I'll probably be able to take my arm out of the sling to type, I should be keeping it in there as much as possible. Thankfully my unaffected arm is my dominant one. Coding with one hand sounds like a fkn nightmare.

Meetings about meetings that we're going to have to discuss the need for the next meeting wherein a potential followup meeting will be scheduled to meet for the meeting.

tfw you accidentally open a 200MB txt file on a machine that only has notepad

The only bugs you can't reproduce are the ones every user definitely experiences all the time.

!rant
This is my zen

bool success = false
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
throw new GiveUpException()
}

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature

!Arthur C Clarke

!rant
tfw you run a linter on your code and it finds zero issues

"We're switching to Oracle"

The client prefers the legacy application

Too legit to :q

Sometimes you mistype "Batch Processing", and sometimes it is, in fact, a bitch.

Is there a unit test for dance moves? I really gotta see some green lights before I move this one into production. Side note: anyone have a UAT environment for this? Thx

1. Always have a backup
2. Don't be afraid to fail

Failing is one of the best ways to get better at our craft. Fear is a healthy response to a challenge, but don't let it control you. Go for it. Things will break and that's okay because you have a backup or a way to undo the change. Learn from the mistake and perfect your craft.

!rant
My boss has influenced me the most at work. He was the first person to introduce me to software development. Though I'm self-taught since, I still owe him my career. Now I teach support techs and junior devs how to code, as well as oversee the architecture of major systems. It's crazy to think now that my computer building hobby would turn into something like this, and it's all because someone convinced me to try what I thought would be terribly boring.

Success dilemma: The better I get at writing software, the less software I write.

An app that lets you turn on the camera on someone's laptop to see if they're around. I'm not even kidding. She said it would be a social media thing... creeper.

when you end up with more //TODOs than you started with

Hearing the "don't turn your galaxy note 7 on during the flight, idiots" disclaimer before takeoff is just endlessly hilarious. And terrifying.