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Search - "haiku"
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Work, the haiku:
(Plus more Dilbert)
“Where are you on this?”
“I’m where JIRA says I am”
“Ok, but how far?”8 -
"Your password must be between 8-20 characters and contain an uppercase letter, a lowercase letter, a number, a special character and a haiku about your childhood pet."9
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I've never used Windows in my day-to-day life. No kidding.
When I got my father's first computer, I used an old distribution called BBC Linux. I didn't have any computer knowledge, it was my first contact with a computer, so I went to a friend's house and asked for a CD to install on my computer. I don't know if this friend ended up making a "gotcha" and thought I'd give up, but I just read the manuals and fell in love. That was year 2000.
Then I used Conectiva Linux, then I went to Red Hat 9, then Slackware, then in 2007 I started using Solaris. And I stayed on Solaris (Solaris 10, Solaris Nevada and OpenSolaris) until 2011.
In 2011 I bought a Mac. I stayed at Apple until 2020, when I couldn't stand Apple forcing me to buy new computers (I still don't understand how a 2011 iMac, i5 (4 Hyper Thread cores) with 16GB of RAM, 1TB SSD only runs up to High Sierra).
Then I bought a Dell. It came with Windows 10, the first thing I did was install WSL2. I could not stand it, the system is bad, sorry. I installed OpenSuse and have been using it for two years.
It's just that every day someone tells me "how can you use this"? "There is no alternative to Windows, do you want to be different?"
I know that my story was the reverse of the "mainstream", so I'm going to talk about my vision of Windows, that in my brain it is actually the "alternative".
- Having a file explorer without "tabs" in 2022 is unthinkable for me.
- I love terminal. And the Windows terminal is very limited. "ps ... | awk ... | xargs ..." is a must for me. "find ./ -name '...' -exec ..."... these things on Windows are totally "different" and have the "powershell way" while all other operating systems keep the same form. And cygwin is not an option. As Wine for serious work is also not.
- Dragging a file into the terminal, and having it write its path, is so natural, that when Windows didn't do it, I was dismayed.
- I've always used StarOffice, OpenOffice and now LibreOffice. All the people in my story received my documents and reports as a PDF and no one complained. Until a coworker saw me editing in LibreOffice and said "oh I want it in word format". As long as he didn't know, everything was fine, right?
- Windows is paid. And is there advertising? I don't understand. And I refuse. If you want to display advertising, then excuse me. I have no problem paying, I'm not an opensource shiite. It's just that paying and not working bothers me much more than an opensource that I can fix or expect a fix knowing the good will of the people involved.
- Hyper-V is a joke. QEMU/KVM is better, and Bhyve on FreeBSD which is a very young project, is already a million times better than Hyper-V.
- Developing in C/C++ for Windows is only possible in two ways: Either you've always lived in Windows and your brain is conditioned, or you compile with MSYS2 (CLang or GCC).
- There is no significant evolution of the windows desktop since 95.
- Multiple workspace support with multiple monitors, not ready. It's another joke.
- REGEDIT does not need any comment.
- The system loses performance over time. I still don't know how Windows achieves this.
- I've seen people complain about desktop fragmentation on Unix and Linux. Many DEs end up leaving applications with different themes (like running a Qt application in Gnome and GTK in KDE), but to be quite honest, the lack of Windows standard bothered me much more. Even Microsoft's own software is completely different: Control Panel, Calculator, Paint and Office, To-Do, and Settings, have horrible style differences and look-and-feel fragmentation.
- Dark mode has not been implemented. It's another joke. Many applications are white while everything else is dark. Sorry, even on Linux which is a mess, this has been resolved. And well resolved.
- NTFS? Serious?
- C:, D:.. It doesn't convince me since DOS.
- Bloatware.
- News "biased" in the search bar is a lack of respect for those who use the computer to work.
And that. For me, Windows is the alternative operating system. I can't take Windows seriously, for me it's an experimental one like Haiku or ReactOS. It's good to play.
About market share, it doesn't convince me to use it. But convinces me to sell. I've always developed applications to run on Windows. And when I need it, I turn on a VM to compile the project. But in everyday life? Impractical.15 -
Excerpts from "Bastard devops from hell" checklist:
- Insistently pronounce git with a soft "G" and refuse to understand people not using that pronunciation, the same goes for jithub, jitlab, jit lfs, jitkraken etc.
- Reject all pull requests not in haiku format, suggest the author needs to be more culturally open minded when offending.
- increment version numbers ONLY based on percentage code changed: Less than 1% patch increment, less than 5% minor increment, more than that major version increment.
- Cycle ALL access keys, personal tokens, connection strings etc. every month "for security reasons"
- invent and only allow usage of your own CI/CD language, for maximum reuse of course. Resist any changes to it after first draft release23 -
JIRA, the haiku (w/Bonus Dilbert strip)
Please make a ticket
Please move the ticket you made
Please tag your ticket3 -
I just added this to the commit log:
Stray apostrophe.
Like a splinter in my mind.
Now has been removed. -
Posted a little rant on my Facebook about an error that told me it couldn't find a file.
Then one of my friends came along and made it into a haiku :^) -
Scripting with Java is like trying to write a haiku and ending up writing The Odyssey- and it takes 20 years to run too.1
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A haiku, written in NodeJS:
This is the first line
This is the third line
This one is the second line8 -
Sprint planning, the haiku:
“Is this worth four points?”
“I don’t know, what do you think?”
“Let’s just make it four”8 -
returning from 2 weeks of PTO, the haiku
what was I doing?
*Looks through tickets in jira*
gives up. plays halo. -
Ultimate email signature haiku:
Thank you very much,
I'm looking forward to it,
You are the greatest,
John1 -
I MISS TIGERDIRECT! a haiku&rant
Tiger, so direct
Hardware haven, my tech friend
Killed, by poor Insight
I thought I had found ways to cope with it all... became a cert'd refurbisher at enough lesser operations to rebuild some semblance of my hardware connects. I even resorted to newegg to fill small voids... why is it so hard to find a quickly shipping, scriptable, 2 WAN in 6+ channels out, non WiFi noob crap, router... or even an L3 managed switch for <250$ not tied to some bullshit excuse for network management like a "cloud management platform" with some rando 'security' bloat?!?! Not even trying to force the PoE functionality (realistically i know I'll just wire that up myself after procrastinating too long)... i even tried newegg and damn amazon, neither seem to realise that real routers and switches arent interchangeable terms.
I even tried tolerating supporting the murderous, treasonous, obfuscating high prices and insisting you register as your business and let them trap you in the equivalent of a 'free' ski trip, with "short" timeshare presentation.
All bullshit and overpriced af trying to force some bloat down your throat so you "feel" like you're properly managing a network.
Anyone have an ace up their sleeve? For quick delivery (USA) minus bloat, pandering and ass-to-mouth rape???
I even tried stooping to a current Cisco OEM!
I mean, if it was *only* a bit of ass rape, I'm fine with that... but the bloat, pandering and shit-stained lollipop...
I'd rather just disappear from valid business obligations, get somewhat intoxicated, and hyperfocus tear apart my tech graveyards, go ghetto apocalyptic tech macgyver on that shit and emerge days later low on solder, in dire need of a flintstones size whetstone, more arduinos, a tetanus shot and a shower.1 -
A haiku about my glorious weekend:
• prod's S3 images •
• deleted accidentally •
• versioning's disabled •1 -
the people in Ops
all have space heaters, but we
don't have the power
Seriously though, building management needs to turn up the heat by like 3°C. And install new breakers. And fix the shitty wiring. -
site reliability engineering: the haiku
once called the “noc” team.
we were left alone, mostly.
then the “cloud” happened 😦 -
I think it would be interesting to turn a experience into a haiku. Like take a memorable experience, good or bad, funny or serious, and turn it into a Haiku.