I've finally put two and two together about my mother and why she acted the way she did with me my whole life.

Since four years old, she told me again and again that I will be a programmer and "earn as much as Bill Gates". Then, in fifth grade, without asking me, she made me take regular programming classes I was really bad at. Then, again without asking me, she sent me to an experimental, highly intensive CS learning program in my uni that accepted kids two years before they finish the high school to throw a metric ton of math, C and hardware design at them. After a year there, I completely lost the ability to enjoy videogames (at 15 years old). By the end of the program (four years), I started experiencing bipolar symptoms.

Then, at the age of 19, she insisted that I take the first draft order and join the army. The military service in russia is mandatory, and it's notorious for breaking people no worse than russian prison does. Knowing that I'm weird and autistic (I was stacking things as a kid), and knowing that the army _loves_ breaking weird people to keep them in line, she just wanted to break me. For context, draft orders are sent out en masse, and everybody dodges them with no repercussions. When they're 28, they just pay a small "fee" (a bribe) to get the military id. You can't be conscripted after you're 28.

I don't know my father. I have a stepdad though. My mother and my stepdad had a kid, nine years younger than me, and of course he was loved by my stepdad way more than I was.

I can recount a lot of instances where she was cruel to me, but oh how subtle and passive-aggressive she made it to be. Also, when I was bullied at school, she insisted on not changing schools, but rather for me to man up.

Her plan was to make a highly paid but mentally broken drone that would be a strong, steady stream of money while she enjoys a "proper" family with her husband and a "proper" child.

It's so unfortunate that the bastard kid turned out to be bipolar, and that bipolar disorder resets one's entire worldview from time to time, nullifying two decades of conditioning, isn't it?

Dear woman I crawled out of, I'm either wrong or right. If I'm wrong, and you did all this (and waaay more of cruel and fucked up shit) to me without any strategy in mind, because you wanted to, then congrats, you're a psychopath. If I'm right, and it was all a strategy, then you knew what you did was wrong, and every single time you did it took a bit of your soul away from you, because that's what evil does. Given that your scheme failed, was it worth it in the end?

I use windows btw

Yo @Lensflare, JoyRant beta expired again. It says I should update my iOS to 17 to continue testing, but my phone only supports 16. What should I do?

What would I do if I traveled back in time? No, not buying bitcoin. It's probably eating datura seeds or other poison. or burning myself with acid. or drinking bleach. or blinding myself with that powerful laser pointer I had. maybe then my emotionless, cold stone wall of a mother could show me some affection and empathy. she for sure didn't when I broke my finger, so maybe the severity of the injure is where it's at?

the axe forgets, the tree remembers.

somewhere out there, there's a person who ate more mayonnaise than any other person.

when I die, I want to be cremated, because I do NOT want fungi to enter my cranium and do something to my brain. It doesn't matter if it's dead or not. It once held "me", and I wholeheartedly believe that fungi can make it tick again, or extract "me" out of it to make me a part of them. Who knows what they do to people. Just imagine dying and waking up suspended in mucus while 36TET microtonal music plays.

bigots: there are only two genders, and there is no transgenderism in nature!
fungi: *laugh in 20,000 shifting genders*

- vaguely blonde
- stupid, npc face
- skinny fat
- sloth eyes, think Sid from Ice Age
- a fucking tester that likes unit tests in JS, especially Jest
- talks a lot, but every time she says something everyone just ignores it because there was almost no substance to what she said
- extremely annoying
- interacting with her would be the number one top level displeasure of your day, any day. A day when you wipe the entire prod db is a better day than the day you have to explain something to her

if you guessed jestdotty, you're wrong. that's just one of my ex-coworkers.

Natalie Rupnow, the Wisconsin school shooter, looks EXACTLY like jestdotty. Before posting her "manifesto" which was a google doc, she forgot to make the link public, so no one actually read it -- intelligence level checks out too!

— hi, how’s it hanging?
— a little bit to the left bro, why?

"Mercury poisoning is a type of metal poisoning due to exposure to mercury. Long-term complications may include kidney problems and decreased intelligence."

decreased intelligence, huh... so how many thermometers do I have to eat to become jestdotty?

Death penalty is bad, and here’s why:
- It’s decided and implemented by humans. Thus, sooner or later, an innocent person will be executed. It happened before. To me, one innocent life is worth more than all the money the government saves by executing people rather than feeding/maintaining them indefinitely.
- Solitary confinement for life without parole is a way better of a deterrent for soon-to-be death row inmates. I heard that El Chapo began to mutilate his body as a desperate suicide attempt in ADX Florence, and it scared the hell out of me.
- Botched execution is very painful. Government should not inflict physical pain as a punishment on unarmed people, period.

Murder I can understand and sometimes even empathize with. Yes, it wasn’t up to you to decide who lives and who doesn’t, but here is something poetic, albeit grim, in having revenge against those who made (the best time of) your life miserable. Yes, you should appear before the court of law, but at the very least you’re still a human being.

But if you’re a school shooter who kills indiscriminately, you don’t deserve the air you breathe. You’re lower than the dirtiest pedophile. I don’t consider you a human at all. I’m against the death penalty, but you should be put down like a rabid animal.

Drug addiction is better than gambling addiction in every way:
- some of the world's greatest artists/musicians were drug addicts, so you can claim to be like them
- there are a lot of different drugs to try
- your drug spending is regulated by your body. There is a set amount of drugs your body can absorb, and if you try to stuff it more, you die. In gambling, you can lose $10,000 just as easy as you can lose $10. So, when you die, you'll leave less debt to whoever's gonna be responsible for repaying it.
- drug addiction is primarily viewed as a medical problem, and in the western world, addicts often get compassion. Gamblers are universally mocked and laughed at, not just in the west, but pretty much everywhere.
- there are good things that were created under the unfluence of drugs. nothing good was created because of gambling
- quitting vast majority non-opioid (and even some opioid) drugs is ststistically easier than quitting gambling.
- If you decide to quit, there is vast support network of volunteers and organizations. there is huge body of scientific work about how to cure drug addiction. there is a dedicated field of medicine called addiction management. there is harm reduction. there are special meds like narcan that can do the impossible --- make a heroin addict with burnt out receptors a functional member of society. but there is almost zero support for gamblers.
- there is precedent of people getting rich by doing drugs. there is zero precedent of people getting rich by gambling.

Asbestos-reinforced 3D printing filament

I collect my fingernails to glue them together with transparent epoxy into very cursed micarta and use it on my diy kinfe's handle.

You don't want to know what the blade was quenched in.

Toorii, https://snek.molodetz.nl/register says 404

asphalt is the only 99.9% recycleable construction material. When they need to renew an asphalt road, they just scrape it off, reheat it and lay it right back on. Bitumen that glues rock content together gets melted, essentially making what's indistinguishable from brand new asphalt.

Tomorrow I’ll post about how I narrowly escaped completely and irreversibly losing my mind

is java code javanese

Laura Les is the only person in the world that can make a Die Antwoord track go harder than the original.
https://youtu.be/LFZZSSjKclA

Sometimes, all you have to do is to yell “BACKSHIT!” and moonwalk into the sunset peppering first aid kits around.
— MTV life assistant

Initially I didn’t like mold in my apartment, but since then it grew on me.

next time you see the "this is fine" meme beautifully animated on youtube or elsewhere, remember that this was a piece commissioned by adult swim and made by a furry pedophile with diaper fetish.

Aperture Science is better than Black Mesa in every way. They invented portals that are actually useful, propulsion gel, high jump gel, long-fall boots that allows ppl to fall from any height without fall damage.
What did black mesa do? one experiment that almost ended the planet. boo.

Being stranded in space while immortal is not as grim of a fate as one might think. Because all matter attracts, you will be slowly pulled towards the biggest object in the universe, the great attractor perhaps. Or the biggest star.

You will be slowly accelerating until you reach the speed very close to the speed of light. You'll go on a long, long journey, where you'll have a chance to see the universe in all its beauty. After your journey ends, as you're being pulled into the biggest thing there is, you'll challenge the immortality itself. How will your body that is still made of atoms react to being turned into plasma? Do you die and thus prove whoever had given you the gift of immortality wrong? Or do you keep on living without body, proving that souls do exist?

Without mass, your soul is free to travel at the speed of light wherever it pleases.
If it turns out that you were an immortal avatar that survived plasma, you won't survive the heat death of the universe. Alternatively, you'll be the last thing to exist ever.

Because you survived the heat death of the universe, your mass shouldn't decrease, so you'll be the darkest shade of black there is. You'll get the N-word pass! It's time to invent a new universe in your mind.

For all we know, we might as well be figments of imagination of an immortal being that was once a "human" where they came from that was given the gift of immortality and went through all the stages I described above.

Any white man can come to any black man and yell “license and registration!”
By law, black man must show his document.
If he doesn’t have it, he can do a little dance called license dance, and if the moves were good, white man can choose to not rat him out.

NAGARJUNA CEMENT

Who the fuck decided to call a napkin made of fabric a fucking “handkerchief”?

Because of how English language works, fingers do fing, brothers do broth, and water do wat.