Fix it without internet

Comic Sans in IDE

I thought i saved...

Don't we have backups...? 😰

So you fix PCs?

Just a 'temporary solution'

It worked last night

I edited your code

Stack overflow is blocked

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

"You can't use Linux"

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

"Just use MD5 encryption"

/* do not touch this */

We use Visual Basic

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

We're out of coffee

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Code sharing is illegal

Who cares about comments?

Tests? Who cares? Deploy!

(true story... )

Mixing tabs and spaces

write this in assembly.

Sorry, you are fired

It's a soap api

Biggest client uses IE10.

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

4 gigabytes of ram

Add support to IE8

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Mixed tabs and spaces

"DropBox is my VCS"

"Github is currently unavailable"

Jetbrains would not exist.

We support IE6

Stack Overflow is down

Use Notepad++ to develop.

"Fix this legacy code"

We will use Brainfuck

Legacy 1000+ line method

Production server credentials "test/test" 😱😨😱

Edge uses less battery.

We changed the requirements...

3 hours sprint planning

I've an app idea

Boss: We need to talk

Vertically center without Google

Sudo rm -rf /

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

No boot media found...

The deadline is tomorrow

It's an easy fix.

Deploy prod on friday

Seeing this picture 👇

No boot device found

Let's just use iframes.

DevRant is no more

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

"Its like facebook but"

Didn't do any backups

I changed my mind
-generic client

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

They test in production

Give me your estimates.

Make website copy-paste proof

No new devRant notifications.

New policy: Windows only

"We're migrating to apple"

There is no coffee

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Project has no tests

One more small feature

What a lie

"refractor everything by yesterday"

write the website content

"Works on my machine."

Production server is down.

Laptop crashes during demo

Use Java version Script

Fix that wordpress plugin

The feds are coming!

Vertically center in IE6

Android gradle sync failed

Windows is preparing updates...

Undo button doesn't exist...

Code for minimum wage

//Function confusing, document later.

"Stackoverflow can't be reached"

Coffee shop is closed

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Your code broke Production.

Please, fix the printer

StackOverflow down for maintenance.

You must use Netbeans

Build it in Silverlight.

Java does not exist

Do this with 5 words

This 4 word limit feels like a perl one liner

"You must use FrontPage"

It works! But why?

What is git?

You must use IE.

Meeting with the client

32 bit operating system

The internet is down

sudo rm -rf /*

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Locked out of SSH!

Lots of legacy code.

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Use windows for today

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Only one more button

"what could go wrong!"

Build failure on Friday

Eclipse is not responding

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

use svn for versioning

Not saving bevor shutdown

Send me status report.

Just use this framework

Friday deploy to prod

We're out of coffee

"Failure configuring windows updates"

This application uses PHP

Run out of coffee

Doesn't work in IE

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Where's the 'any key??

Blue Screen Of Death

"You are an imposter"

Removing SASS from workflow.

Stack Overflow Is Down.

What is TeamViewer?

(you could say that's 4 words)

Don't bother testing it.

Segmentation fault: core dumped

404 coworker not found

Its a great idea

The design had changed

git push origin master

Fix this for free

The internet is down

Nothing but web development.

food is late again

We need this tomorrow.

merge conflict on release

the uber of <whatever>

Just delete the tests.

"Just test on production"

Just add an if

Failed to recover files

Do it with php

Power outage before saving.

Dev Rant closes.

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Have you finished it?

Full natural language processing

Windows is installing updates...

Please use Internet Explorer.

On Error Resume Next

Must work from scratch

Secondary servers are down

We have few changes !!

Works on my machine

windoze as dev env

No time for logging

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Please sign this NDA

Internet is currently unavailable

working on my machine

All these damn bugs

Fix the legacy code

we practice agile

Staging? Straight to production!

SAP made it easy

"SQL Server is restarting"

"not what I imagined.."

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

We're introducing pair programming.

I'm a project manager

I start counting from 0

Have you tested everything?

FIAT
Fix It Again Tomorrow

"Please fix this bug"

Rewrite it in Perl!

Web Assembly performance layoff

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

No SSD, 5400rpm HDD

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Javascript actually used everywhere

"We encrypted your server" hello ransomware

Must work on IE6.

Lead supervising (me) while working

We need to migrate.

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

We don't use libraries

It should be working

Stackoverflow is down indefinitely.

Develop with Visual Studio

Server down, 2 am.

Quick task for weekend.

"Network password has expired"

An unexpected error occurred

You are now irrelevant

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

Please fix my laptop.

"I've accidentally spilled drink on your laptop"

It's a small/simple change

You are fired bi**h

coffee is already empty

Regex for the win ... ;)

"Let's launch on Friday."

"My code is perfect"

git branch -D master

Error in exception handler.

Tabs instead of spaces

It should be simple

Server crashed during presentation

Cat threw your coffe.

Why are there so many one line rants (most of them aren't rants) and have wk36 as a tag? 😕