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My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...
1. What is GitHub?
2. What is JSON?
3. What’s an array?
4. What is Get and what is Post?
5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?
6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.
7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.
8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?
9. What does NULL mean?
Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.
Fakin shyt for brains.180 -
Jesus, Apple are fucking amazing at design! A keyboard I need to prop up with a book and a mouse I can't use when charging.... Genius!!!!
47 -
All this stupid people working. I got a 8 Million $ Check from a south african prince. All i need to do is pay 3000$ for the paperwork. Im out you idiots.13
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I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.
PC: marketoonist
4 -
Someones keyboard just stopped working in my job.
They called the helpdesk and i told them to unplug the keyboard from the back of the PC and try a different usb port before i send them down a new keyboard.
Their reply?
‘How am i meant to do that? I mean... *laughs* I didn’t go to college for this kind of stuff. I know you did but you need to explain it in English for me instead of using technical terms.’
....
So i had to describe what a USB looks like, and tell her how to follow the (only) skinny black cable she has on her desk, down the back of the desk and into the PC. She got overwhelmed by this cable being the same colour as the thicker VGA cable, so ended up unplugging everything!
Its fine though, as when she plugged them all back in, everything was back working.
She finished the call by saying:
“Like, i know how to use a computer but I just don’t understand all this technical mumbo jumbo, like USB’s and stuff? How should i know about that?”
...
I sincerely think interviews need to have just 5 minutes dedicated to the person showing that they know what a bloody USB is!!, can turn on/off a PC, open outlook, and follow basic instructions.
Ugh I work with idiots 😢17 -
What the actual fuck? Person (or people!) who devised this password policy, you are an idiot (or idiots - all of you). You are stupid and insane and have no idea about security or user experience.
14 -
The hardest part about being a developer is constantly having to come up with nice ways to tell people they are idiots.
No I can't just "add some AI because it's cool right now". 😒5 -
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the universe is winning."
-Rick Cook2 -
When your friends think that viewing/changing source code of a website is hacking...
Idiots. For it to be hacking it has to be green and black of course...6 -
Just asked some bloke at work if he's into computers, and he said yes.
I asked him what languages he likes.
He responds 'Linux'.
I now knew he was bullshitting, so I asked him what compiler he uses.
He said binary.
Can I rip his teeth out and make a twat-tooth necklace now?10 -
Conversation between some kind of executives on the table next to mine:
A: do you know this app that'll let you hack into any Wi-Fi? You just click here, copy that and paste it here... and I hacked the restaurant's Wi-Fi. **laughs**
B: oh, only X? Bought. Wait... what is this "allow app to access your location"?
A: yeah, click "allow". You should also install a VPN.
B: what? BPN?
A: no, no. VPN. When you use a VPN you have a secure internet connection. You're protected from tracking, hacking and virus.4 -
M: Me
FAC : Fucking annoying colleague
1.
FAC: Hey how did you set up your microservices?
M: I used docke...
FAC: But docker is hard to setup, i want an easier option
2.
FAC: Which services do you have?
M: I have one service for the api, one with redi..
FAC: Redis is not a service
3.
FAC: Do you use AWS API gateway?
M: No, in set up my ow..
FAC: why would you set up your own? I just use the one from AWS.
4.
FAC: How many instances are you have running
M: I have 5 replic...
FAC: 5 replicas? That's why i hate microservices,they are costly
5.
FAC: How did you divide up your app?
M: Since I am starting, its better to run the monolithic and then break it up lat...
FAC: I knew it,you don't actually use microservices
6.
M:(thinking)* Fucker, if you know it well why are you fucking disturbing me?? *2 -
Stop buying domains that you don't use you fucking idiots. Can't find any domain for my new project. But none of them are being used. Fucking retards.15
-
Stephen Hawking has just under 70k followers on Twitter. Kim Kardashian has just under 50 million followers. This realization really pissed me off - most humans are just idiots.7
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My uni implemented Bluetooth beacon based attendance monitoring.
Raspberry pi + cloned beacons = 100% attendance.
Idiots 😂
(Edit for clarity: app on smartphone, Bluetooth beacon in each room)29 -
Sometimes it just feels really good to see recruiters getting burned. A stupid one recently posted:
"When you find the candidate that has 15 years of experience in AWS, has a PhD in Artificial Intelligence, speaks 6 languages and is under budget... "
The comments immediately mentioned that AWS was formed 12 years ago.
Haha, what a stupid fuck!5 -
What a nice fucking tutorial.
Clicked an articles which says How to Implement X feature in Vanilla JavaScript.
They used a vanilla javascript library.
What a fucking idiot.7 -
My coworker requested I add a bunch of tracking to our product.
I've previously tried explaining to him (and honestly the rest of the company) about privacy issues stemming from tracking, such as by their beloved Venmo. Venmo tracks absolutely fking everything you give it access to, from location data to your entire facebook, twitter, foursquare, etc. feeds, and sells ALL of it to third parties. It's scary. but! this guy simply does not understand, and/or does not care, and marches right on into all the surveillance, loudly singing the song of convenience to all who'll listen. (Nobody else in the company cared, either. :/)
ugh.
Anyway, I'm conflicted.
I have to install some tracking, but I can probably come up with an excuse to cut most of it out and gimp their surveillance. It'll still be useful to us, but it'll limit the amount of data the tracking company can sell to third parties.
but they'll push this guy pretty hard on it, and he's as technically-inclined as a smudged glass of warm, stale beer. "Better for your conversion!" they'll say. "How much tracking do you want?" he'll reply. "@ashkin, why can't you do this right now? What else do you need to make this happen?" he'll firmly inquire. and so I'll be forced to make it happen...
ergh13 -
MOTHER FUCKER IDIOTS!!!
SO I HAVE TO ROLLBACK OUR PROD DEPLOYMENT BECAUSE IM THE ONLY FUCKER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE SIMPLE CONCEPT OF "DONT PUSH UNFINISHED CHANGES"?!?
DAMN!!!! FUCK YOU ALL...10 -
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2 -
Managment...
Where do I start?
So I have a task they set to priority "P0 - drop everything". Okay, dropping everything, doing the thing.
It's 11 and I already had 3 calls and meeting...
GOD FUCKING DAMINT LET ME WORK ON THE THING
and please let me focus -_-.
Oh, oh, also, calls were like "hi, we have a really dumb question to you, we know we could sit down for 10 seconds and use so-called logic but calling you is easier." Oh and also whats the progress on this P4 task?
holly motherfu... eghm. I mean.. They really like to piss me off. Best part of call #2. I prompt them "hey, please message me on slack, it does not destroy my focus and allows me work more efficiently"
and response... "I prefer talking than typing"10 -
My fellow students as high school freshmen: You can code right?
Me: Yup
Them: So can you like hack the school and better my grades(they are all honor students btw)
Me: *Sure, want me to hack paypal and get you some cash too?*
Them: Jeez just asked for a tiny favor.10 -
"Please add a feature to check the user's internet connection before the application starts."
-- THIS IS A GOD DAMN WEB APPLICATION, YOU DUMB MORONS! Maybe I should add a feature next that checks for the user's computer being turned on or what? How about making sure the application isn't run when the power is out?!
Jesus fuck.14 -
Reading programmer stuff on reddit:
"C# onlY woRkZ on MicRoSoft aNd m0n0 suCks"
Someone else:
"Dude, .net core has been out for a while what are you talking about?"
Them:
"OMg I diDNt Kn0W thaT!!"
Really guys?? Its been out forfuckingEver....
this is the thing. People talk shit, spread misinformation, and just looo amazingly ignorant without trying to figure shit out properly first.15 -
So this bunch of idiots made this huge iOS app using lots of global variables, lots of spaghetti code and basically no separation between logic and UI.
Another bunch of idiots were told to take that iOS app and basically port it to Android. And they ported that same code mess, almost line by line, and adding some weird shit.
Now the HQ of the first bunch of idiots realize that the second bunch of idiots were too slow/inefficient/whatever, and they're now asking US to solve that Android mess and add another shitload of features.
The worst part of it, is that both bunches of idiots are still working on it, so we're basically forced to follow the same shitty style until the first deadline, otherwise we'd die suffocated by stinky merge conflicts. Which will happen anyway because our changes are going to overlap.
Oh, and the PM refuses to understand the disaster coming and there's six hours of time zone difference.
Fuck this shit.7 -
Fucking moronic clients like these make me want to drop the project, needless to say I dropped the project immediately. I know it's highly unethical but fuck it.
On top of that I was doing charity work by charging 1/8th of my usual rate and this fucking idiots thinks that he is teaching/spoonfeeding me for his project, moron, I made micro library for that much amount of money.
Loss is loss and integrity is integrity..
15 -
Some of you might have seen it already, those who didn't just have to.
One of the best rants I've read lately.
"Our security auditor is an idiot. How do I give him the information he wants?"
https://serverfault.com/questions/...4 -
While watching season 2 of Star Trek Discovery, it was nice to learn SQL is alive and well in the 23rd century. Also, that there are still idiots that don't defend against injection on a warp-capable spaceship with transporter technology.
3 -
If you're going to add a fucking CAPTCHA to your already poorly-designed website, MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
5 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.2
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Had a discussion with a developer about security. His software transfers all user data (password and files) unencrypted, so anyone can grab them with wireshark. I told him that this is a severe issue. He said no its no problem because if you get hacked its your own fault, because you probably used an insecure network. NO ! YOU FUCKING MALADJUSTED SHEEP-MOLESTING OBJECT OF EXECRATION, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ENCRYPT SENSITIVE USERDATA NO MATTER WHAT NETWORK YOU USE. FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY.
Not implementing encryption is one thing but then acting like its no problem is a fucking nother one. Why do people not understand that security of userdata is important???11 -
Dear designers/project managers,
I am a developer. That means you don't have to explain simple programming concepts to me that you half know and think you fully understand as if I have never seen code before.
Save your breath and stop being so condescending. You don't know half as much as you think.
Thanks, from one annoyed dev.4 -
Things I have learned:
-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply all to a large email
-NEVER trust a group of people not to reply to a group text
Screenshot is from yesterday, and violates my second lesson learned (Not my group text, not my fault)
5 -
Oh god, my first proper rant...
Ok, I am finally fucking sick of all these people shit talking game engines because some people make shitty games with them.
What does it matter what game engine someone uses, unreal engine, game maker, unity, it doesn't matter what you use.
If you think an engine is shit, make your own engine from scratch with all your code, Jesus Christ people -.-10 -
I love stackoverflow!
1. Developer who knows SO, and loves it : Yeah, my friend!
2. Developer who knows SO, but hates it : Go home, you're drunk.
3. Normal people who doesn't know the dev world : Why would you like a stack to overflow?
4. Normal people who is a tech savvy : Ah, the place where people share their questions and answers to make a better software and to be together? I never used it, but I heard it is awesome!
5. Idiots : What is that?
6. Grammarly : Recommended word is "stack overflow"
7. Dishwasher : Fatal error!6 -
Sometimes the design decisions of big companies amazes me.
I wanted to contact support of Cloudflare. The only way to submit a new support query is by logging into the account first.
My problem is that I can not log into my account. What a bunch of retards.4 -
The fuck did you think was going to happen?
User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.
PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?
Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.
I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.
PM: Well that's not what x said.
Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)
PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits. -
Am I the only one who is triggered by seeing all of the stupid articles claiming Java is bad introduction language? Just becuase Standford decided to change it to JavaScript? What the actual fuck? How students should learn the fundamentals concept of OOP in scripting language?
Don't get me wrong, I hate using Java for real life projects. But there is a reason why almost every university use it as introduciton language. It's great start to learn programming. Saying that the 'Hello World' in Java is complex and can scare people away, it's complete nonsens. For fuck sake, yes programming should be fun, but it is also hard. People can understand that they are going to learn what 'public static voiď means later. It's the structure of many Computer Science classes. It's the assigments that are not designed in engaging and fun way for newcomers. That's the problem, not the language.21 -
This was in my first semester in college. Some dude installed Teamviewer on any PC he got the chance to. There were people (idiots) who saw him remotely access PC and thought he was some crazy hacker!....
Damn. The amount of idiots I've come across with shitconceptions on hacking.4 -
I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS BUY NEW STUFF WHEN THEIR OLD THINGS WORK PERFECTLY FINE!
FFS PEOPLE ARE JUST FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT NOWADAYS! I MEAN, FIRST THEYRE LIKE, oh we need to save the planet bla bla.... THEN THEIR LIKE!
OMFG! NEW IPHONE X WOLOLO MUST HAVE! OMG MY OLD PHONE IS WORKING PERFECTLY FINE BUT ITS THE NEW IPHONE OMG!
I MEAN! COME FUCKING ON! WHAT IDIOTS! IF ITS WORKING, KEEP IT!
#NoHomo12 -
Call me old-fashioned, but... I kinda liked it back in the day, when Microsoft made proprietary software, the Community made free software and everyone's "cui bono" was quite easy to answer - even those corporations involved in FLOSS did have a clear way to finance themselves.
Now, we have Microsoft coming into open source, seemingly making projects better and offering more and more "free" stuff.
You know.
"Free" Windows 10.
"Free" SaaS Office.
"Free" "Private" Repos on Github.
In general - what happened to clear and concise "I give you money, you give me stuff" capitalism like we had it in the 2000s?
I'd rather pay 20 bucks for a game on Steam than get it "free" and with ads or microtransactions - yet, many games, especially mobile, don't even offer me that option. It wouldn't be that hard now, would it?
The same goes for software. That Canonical would need to fuck their users over after Ubuntu One went to shit was obvious - they didn't offer the kind of commercial/enterprise OS'es that Redhat or SuSE sell.
What people seem to forget is that everyone needs to make a profit somehow. You don't get "free" stuff. Even the volunteers in the Open Source Community get something out of it - an opportunity to pad their CV at least, if nothing else.
Nowadays, software manufacturers have the same legitimacy as the "free" financial "advisors" you find at banks - and who could be dumb enough to trust them? Oh yeah: Almost the entire fucking society is who.
But then again, sell something and noone will want it - because they all want it for free, with annoying, privacy-invading ads or with equally annoying microtransactions, or financing based on commission - so you don't only pay ONCE, you pay until you realize you got fucked over and quit.
Capitalism used to work until all those idiots stepped in. How the fuck don't people realize that there's no free lunch in life? When have we stopped being functional people and turned into idiots.
Even worse: Those idiots think that they're entitled to something! They, who volunteered to become merchandise instead of customers, think that they have rights! Do cattle have rights? Nope. They get their "free" hay everyday and I get to buy beef, that's how it works. Moo!
Hell, they are surprised when they get fucked over by bank salespeople or their data stolen by corporations, intelligence agencies or something... What did they expect, goodwill?
Can we please make Adam Smith mandatory reading in school?! I mean, give people a chance to understand capitalism? The nonexistent "goodwill" of traders in general?8 -
I’m working for fucking idiots. Here is an actual conversation I had with my boss today.
Me: I checked the numbers, and barely anyone is using our app more than once. Not only is a minuscule amount of people downloading it (we have 300 downloads), but none of those people use it more than once. Use retention is important and we’re failing in that regard.
Boss: User retention doesn’t matter. Investors don’t care about that. Blah blah blah all we need is marketing blah blah. We just need a bunch of people to download once. That’s all that marketers care about....in fact, an potential investor himself told me that he doesn’t care (obvious lie)
Me: Well, can I talk to this investor? What’s his name? Is he in California or India/China?
Boss: oh you can’t be at the investor meeting. It’s high level. Just don’t worry about it. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
On the bright side, this whole exchange has motivated me even more in my quest to find a new job. And I guess it’s important to learn what not to do from idiots6 -
So the team I joined has been producing garbage software in C# for 10+ years. The solution proposed by the tech lead - start using Java because it’s better than C#, that’s why we have problems. This actually gets signed off by management. Why did I choose this career?19
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Alright so listen to this. I was working on a project, it was a fork of another github repo. So the project is mainly based in PHP, simple enough right?
Anyways I have my version working and I put it up as a website and am doing fairly well with it. I was trying to advertise it a bit on reddit ( pay attention to the trying ) then someone comes along and asks how I made it and all that.
Just trying to be kind I tell them what I used and all that to make it. Then they come back a few hours later explaining that they are trying to make their own version for "fun". Then they proceed to explain that they are having some issues with it, it obviously is something in the back-end (they must've fucked up something).
So I politely ask them to show me the code so I can help them fix it.
He refuses.
So we exchanged a bit. What his excuse for not showing me his code ( Keep in mind he is also taking this from an open-source software same as me he has simply broken something and can't fix it himself ) is he doesn't want me stealing his ideas...
I nearly snapped when he did that, I had already seen the site he made, from that end it wasn't anymore spectacular than mine and no serious changes seemed to have occurred. The best part is that it was broken. He asked for my help and refused to let me see the code so I told him that I simply couldn't help him fix it then. He goes and is just going alright.
Next he then asks me how I solved this issue and that issue and he wanted the code that I used to fix each of these little issues. Pretty much to the point that it would've been a clone of my site. So I just didn't give him anything.
Didn't hear from him for a few hours, next thing I know he messages me asking if he can fix my site so it is mobile friendly...First off my site is mobile friendly and works pretty well. I have been spending a lot more quality time to work on this than him.
Moral of the story is, some people are retards.4 -
Dear Dennis from Bremen, I appreciate how you dislike my websites color theme. And totally can understand that you can't employ me because of that. I thank you for taking the time and writing me this, even though I didn't ask you.
Go fuck yourself!9 -
!dev
Why are people such idiots?
This guy is so oblivious he reminds me of a client or PM.
Here’s the email conversation (since he refuses to answer his cell):
Me: Hey; I haven’t been able to reach you for several days. You must be busy! Let me know what time works best for you, and I’ll call you then. Alternatively, you can reach me at <number> any day this week (except Wednesday) from 11am PST (2pm EST) onward.
Him: I will call you at 2:30pm your time on Wednesday.
Me: As I stated in my email, Wednesday is the only day that doesn’t work for me.
Him: Are you free on Thursday?
Me (to audience): YOU FOOLISH, ILLITERATE TOAD!
Me: I am free Thursday (and Friday) from 11am PST and onward.10 -
I propose to follow ourselves on GitHub to make our profiles more interesting for those idiots that don't give you the job because "you are not a popular person in GitHub".
Post your profile!
www.github.com/luxarts26 -
This sort of shit really pisses me off, yes PC has a higher market share, but I had to comment. Mobile gaming dwarfs PC so should we even bother with PC?
And people are agreeing with his point, it's fucking stupid, people should be able to enjoy something no matter what platform, linux, Mac, windows or anything else...
Fuck heads...
26 -
Google: hey website owner, use link rel preload for images loaded by CSS to reduce roundtrip delays. Chrome supports that, Safari also, and even Edge does.
Mozilla: we had some bug with preload back in FF 57 and our solution since has just been to disable preload per default. Done. Who would care about loading speed?
Also Mozilla: we have no idea why our market share has been plunging. Google is evil.8 -
Idiots just prefer to berate you for using computer more than they do.
Fuck you. It's my tool that helps me do my job.
Don't compare me to some smartphone addicted teens.3 -
Fuck , fuck y'all who use hashtags where it doesn't work. Idiots adding hashtags to stories on WhatsApp, Snapchat. It hurts. Stop.
Join me in this revolutionary movement to stop hashtag abuse.14 -
"Change your algorithm"
Answers like this are why Stack Overflow almost becomes worthless when asking questions. I asked for some clarification why my code, which reads some files and outputs another, was hitting System.OutOfMemory exceptions. And that was the response I got.
"Change your algorithm"
How? In what manner should I be seeking to change my algorithm? OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD CHANGE MY ALGORITHM YOU WASTE OF OXYGEN. That was a given by the exception my program threw!
I swear to god, SO has got to be one of the most unwelcoming, condescending sites on the internet.5 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
P.S. happy chrismahannukwanzika!!1 -
>Me: *wants to do something in plain JS*
>Idiots on SO: "Here, have a jQuery solution"
How about fuck off with your jQuery?13 -
"So you are a computer geek right?" Yeah!
"So how do I hack my friend's Facebook profile?"
HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS PEOPLE
I had this situation quite several times. pls8 -
I cannot wait to leave my job. I love my bosses, but the customer service people are the fucking worst!
Since I'm the only developer day in and day out I hear the same problems of people forgetting how to do so something over and over and over. Then they yell at me because they say I don't train them enough.
I WASTE 8 HOURS A WEEK RETRAINING YOU SHIT HEADS BUT NONE OF YOU TAKE NOTES IN THE MEETINGS!!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT IF YOU THINK YOU PEA SIZED BRIAN WILL REMEMBER ANYTHING!
AND ITS NOT LIKE THE SYSTEM IS HARD! THERE ARE TOOLTIPS AND CUSTOM ERROR MESSAGES THAT YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO READ!
I am just so burned out of answer the same damn questions day in and day out3 -
Okay, That right there is pathetic https://thehackernews.com/2019/02/... .
First of all telekom was not able to assure their clients' safety so that some Joe would not access them.
Second of all after a friendly warning and pointing a finger to the exact problem telekom booted the guy out.
Thirdly telekom took a defensive position claiming "naah, we're all good, we don't need security. We'll just report any breaches to police hence no data will be leaked not altered" which I can't decide whether is moronic or idiotic.
Come on boys and girls... If some chap offers a friendly hand by pointing where you've made a mistake - fix the mistake, Not the boy. And for fucks sake, say THANK YOU to the good lad. He could use his findings for his own benefit, to destroy your service or even worse -- sell that knowledge on black market where fuck knows what these twisted minds could have done with it. Instead he came to your door saying "Hey folks, I think you could do better here and there. I am your customes and I'd love you to fix those bugzies, 'ciz I'd like to feel my data is safe with you".
How on earth could corporations be that shortsighted... Behaviour like this is an immediate red flag for me, shouting out loud "we are not safe, do not have any business with us unless you want your data to be leaked or secretly altered".
Yeah, I know, computer misuse act, etc. But there are people who do not give a tiny rat's ass about rules and laws and will find a way to do what they do without a trace back to them. Bad boys with bad intentions and black hoodies behind TOR will not be punished. The good guys, on the other hand, will.
Whre's the fucking logic in that...
P.S. It made me think... why wouldn't they want any security vulns reported to them? Why would they prefer to keep it unsafe? Is it intentional? For some special "clients"? Gosh that stinks6 -
Idiots. Idiots everywhere. The next big trend in software engineering is to take a whole bunch of idiots, give them the basic knowledge to write code, and then dedicate a whole lot of competent developers' time to either fixing errors made by those idiots, or attempting to make "safer" tools so those idiots don't screw up as easily.6
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
Did you fucking idiots think that I was gonna tell you to implement async await on the requests and not notice that you IMPLWMENTED GODDAMN SYSTEM-SLEEP YOU DESNE MOTHERFUCKEDS IT NOT TAKES 10X AS LONG AS MY OATCH TO JUST LIMIT THE NUMBER IF HTTP REQUESTS FOR FUCJS SAKE THIS CODE LOONS LIKE A RACCOON FUCKED AN MACBOOK THAT ALSO GOT FUCKED BY A GOAT FROM CHERNOBYL THAT SOMEHOW MUTATED TO A RACCOON GOAT 🐐 MACBOOK 💻 HYBRID ABOMINATION THAT IS NOW CLAWING MY EYES OUT AND GIVING ME RABIESCANCERAIDS5
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When people don't listen to training and just realize today that they can upload files to our internal system.
Its been this way since 2003 you mother fucking idiots.3 -
These moronic idiots wrote a scientific paper, and did not bother explaining the acronym they've used. 😐
https://sciencedirect.com/science/...
How am I supposed to know which fuckin CART it means? Huh? Who the fuck told you that was acceptable? Also fig 3 can get fucked too.
Your approach seemed interesting for all of two whole fuckin seconds before you fucked it with your unscientific explanation of your results in SIXTEEN FUCKING DIGITS after zero. Fuck you and fuck this and fuck that. Am I clear?
... The straw that broke the camel's back. 😑14 -
You know what really grinds my gears? As a junior webdeveloper (mostly backend) I try my hardest to deliver quality content and other people's ignorance is killing me in my current job.
Let's rant about a recent project I had under my hood, for this project (a webshop) I had to restructure the database and had to include validation on basicly every field (what the heck, no validation I hear you say??), apperently they let an incompetent INTERN make this f***king webshop. The list of mistakes in this project can bring you close to the moon I'd say, seriously.
Database design 101 is basicly auto incremented ID's, and using IDs in general instead of using name (among a list of other stuff obv.). Well, this intern decided it was a good idea to filter a custom address-book module based on a NAME, so it wasn't setup as: /addressbook/{id} (unique ID, never a problem) but as /addressbook/{name}, which results in only showing one address if the first names on the addresses are the same. Lots of bugs that go by this type of incompetence and ignorance. Want to hear another joke? Look no further, this guy also decided it was a great idea to generate the next ID of an order. So the ordernumber wasn't made up by the auto incremented id on the order model, but by a count of all the orders and that was the next order number. This broke so many times, unbelievable.
To close the list of mistakes off, the intern decided it was a great idea to couple the address of a user directly to an order. Because the user is able to ship stuff to addresses within his addressbook, this bug could delete whole orders out of the system by simply deleting the address in your addressbook.
Enough about my intern rant, after working my ass of and going above and beyond the expectations of the customer, the guy from sales who was responsible for it showed what an a**hole he was. Lets call this guy Tom.
Little backstory: our department is a very small part of the company but we are responsible for so much if you think about it. The company thinks we've transitioned to company wide SCRUM, but in reality we are so far from it. I think the story below is a great example of what causes this.
Anyway, we as the web department work within Gitlab. All of our issues and sprints are organized and updated within this place. The rest of the company works with FileMaker, such a pile of shit software but I've managed to work around its buggyness. Anyway, When I was done with the project described above I notified all the stakeholders, this includes Tom. I made a write-up of all the changes I had made to the project, including screenshots and examples, within Gitlab. I asked for feedback and made sure to tag Tom so he was notified of my changes to the project.
After hearing nothing for 2 weeks, guess who came to my desk yesterday? F**king tom asking what had changed during my time on the project. I told him politely to check Gitlab and said on a friendly tone that I had notified him over 2 weeks ago. He, I shit you not, blantly told me that he never looks on there "because of all the notifications" and that I should 'tell him what to do' within FileMaker (which I already had updated referencing Gitlab with the write-up of my changes). That dick move of him made me lose all respect for this guy, what an ignorant piece of shit he is afterall.
The thing that triggers me the most in the last story is that I spent so much free time to perfect the project I was working on (the webshop). I even completed some features which weren't scheduled during the sprint I was working on, and all I was asking for was a little appreciation and feedback. Instead, he showed me how ignorant and what a dick he was.
I absolutely have no reason to keep on working for this company if co-workers keep treating me like this. The code base of the webshop is now in a way better condition, but there are a dozen other projects like this one. And guess what? All writen by the same intern.
/rant :P10 -
I thought most developers were aware of the dangers of interpolating variables into strings in the context of SQL queries, but apparently some people are oblivious.
`SELECT * FROM USERS WHERE USERNAME = ${username}`
My username is ' ' OR 1=1;6 -
“No it’s better this way, it’s an enterprise grade architecture design” - someone who was no idea how to build an app2
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Jesus titty fucking Christ people are stupid. I hate everyone in the software development lifecycle that isn’t a developer or isn’t technically minded. Everyone else seems to be a fucking goofy arse mother fucker.
I just got in trouble because I fixed a defect that never should have been fixed, even though in yesterdays standup they brought it up and asked me what the status of it was. Apparently I was just supposed to estimate the defect and see how long it would take to fix. Why the fuck wouldn’t we do that in a grooming session or a sprint planning session, you are just begging to confuse the devs. Absolute mud sharks.8 -
!rant
I'm freaking tired of telling colleagues at work not to create feature branch in upstream and use their fork instead.
Turns out idiots can't recognize the difference between a forked repo and the upstream.3 -
Me: I don't need to print the city on each row of the excel file, it already appears on the top of the document.
PM: DO IT ANYWAY! THEY'RE IDIOTS!4 -
My company be sending mails like: OUR FACEBOOK PAGE IS TEMPORARILY DOWN
.
.
Who cares mate?
Who the fuck cares?
3 idiots in admin !?
4 -
Got a request from a client to remove the dot on the i because umlauts are bad for SEO in URL paths3
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So... did I mention I sometimes hate banks?
But I'll start at the beginning.
In the beginning, the big bang created the universe and evolution created humans, penguins, polar bea... oh well, fuck it, a couple million years fast forward...
Your trusted, local flightless bird walks into a bank to open an account. This, on its own, was a mistake, but opening an online bank account as a minor (which I was before I turned 18, because that was how things worked) was not that easy at the time.
So, yours truly of course signs a contract, binding me to follow the BSI Grundschutz (A basic security standard in Germany, it's not a law, but part of some contracts. It contains basic security advice like "don't run unknown software, install antivirus/firewall, use strong passwords", so it's just a basic prototype for a security policy).
The copy provided with my contract states a minimum password length of 8 (somewhat reasonable if you don't limit yourself to alphanumeric, include the entire UTF 8 standard and so on).
The bank's online banking password length is limited to 5 characters. So... fuck the contract, huh?
Calling support, they claimed that it is a "technical neccessity" (I never state my job when calling a support line. The more skilled people on the other hand notice it sooner or later, the others - why bother telling them) and that it is "stored encrypted". Why they use a nonstandard way of storing and encrypting it and making it that easy to brute-force it... no idea.
However, after three login attempts, the account is blocked, so a brute force attack turns into a DOS attack.
And since the only way to unblock it is to physically appear in a branch, you just would need to hit a couple thousand accounts in a neighbourhood (not a lot if you use bots and know a thing or two about the syntax of IBAN numbers) and fill up all the branches with lots of potential hostages for your planned heist or terrorist attack. Quite useful.
So, after getting nowhere with the support - After suggesting to change my username to something cryptic and insisting that their homegrown, 2FA would prevent attacks. Unless someone would login (which worked without 2FA because the 2FA only is used when moving money), report the card missing, request a new one to a different address and log in with that. Which, you know, is quite likely to happen and be blamed on the customer.
So... I went to cancel my account there - seeing as I could not fulfill my contract as a customer. I've signed to use a minimum password length of 8. I can only use a password length of 5.
Contract void. Sometimes, I love dealing with idiots.
And these people are in charge of billions of money, stock and assets. I think I'll move to... idk, Antarctica?4 -
Slapping idiots around.
This needs to be a trend.
---
Actual rant :
I'm sitting in this idiot haven completing my mandatory hours doing nothing. Earlier I would spend this time learning stuff but I'm too fed up to do anything. This place is driving me mad and just today I had to suffer through more madness that is blocking me from resolving a bug.(I don't have the license to run the product I'm supposed to be fixing)
The number of inept idiots is too damn high. I try not to be bothered but I can only try so much.4 -
"It works on our end", the sentence that made me lose my shit.
I've been working on a project were we're supposed to integrate an API into our system.
When trying to get some user id's (UUID) from said API, we got a type-error in the response (???), so I called their integration support and asked what the fuck they were doing (not really, i was kinda calm at this point).
The answer I got was following:
Integration guy: "Uh, bro, like, I don't even know, it's probably on your end"
Me: "We literally used this endpoint with the same parameters yesterday, and got a result we expected. I noticed you updated your API this morning, did you make any major changes?"
Integration guy: "Yeah we changed the type of user id from string to number"
Me: "So, you changed the type of a UUID (uuid4) from string to number? How did you not think that would be an issue? I can see in your forums that everyone else is having the same issue."
Integration guy: "Nah, it's probably a bug in your code, it works on our end"
Me in my mind: *IT WORKS ON YOUR END?!? IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER IF IT WORKS ON YOUR END, FUCKTARD.*
What I actually said: "Uhm, I'm not sure if works on your end either, I'm not even sure how this change made it to production. But hey, thanks I guess, bye."
WHY AM I NOT ABLE TO YELL AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE BEING RETARDED???
But really though, when you're maintaining an API, you shouldn't fucking care if things work on your end in your dev environment. What matters is how it works in production, for the end user/users.
And I know that 99% of cases it's the users fault by entering the wrong parameters or trying to request with wrongly setup auth and what not, but still.
Don't ASSUME nothing's wrong on your end. It's your fucking job to fix the issues.
And guess what? The problem was on their side.
I'm going fucking bald.2 -
Agile: ✅
Agile practices: ✅
Certified Agile practitioners: ❌😡 powerpoint jockeys 👺💥⚡️failed programmers 💩 timewasting idiots 😥 -
Just saw on Zuckerbook.
Moral : Put a screaming message for such idiots on support sites to fucking read the error. It's all written there.
5 -
I’m so fucking sick and tired of !devs telling me how simple a feature should be to implement.
Like motherfucker the most complicated thing you’ve ever done with a computer is attempt (and fail) at working with tables in Microsoft Word and you’re trying to tell me how long a new feature/K8s architecture/noSQL aggregation should take to implement?
A monitor cable wiggling loose paralyses you for hours but I’m supposed to bow down to your understanding of what is causing a bug?6 -
Signed up for a driving class...
This is what i get in the mail shortly after.
Fucking fantastic guys! Saving passwords plaintext. Is it because of the government?
15 -
Coming up to (very) tight deadline..
Manager - "Stick in a temporary fix, if the data is mocked out it will do for the demo. We really want to show this feature."
Me - "Okay, I"ll pick up the technical debt after the demo."
*Changes are coded and rolled out*
Manager calls me over to his desk..
Manager - "This feature isn't bringing back real data."
Do these kind of people exist in all companies?
2 -
My former coworker had to mail their work equipment back to me..
6 boxes later..
Open up the first box. A mouse wrapped in about 4ft of heavy duty bubble wrap.. a keyboard box double layered in or.. and my favorite, a restore cd literally wrapped 4 times in bubble wrap. Why?
I'm scared to open the other 5 boxes
8 -
Here is a brief list:
- Idiots from marketing
- idiots from sales
- the lawnmower man (while doing his job)
- sun
- AC off && summer
- no ventilation / fresh air
- civil defense siren tests (we're just next to one...)
- idiots talking to me while I'm on my headphone
- music stops
- phone rings
- light theme
- devRant
- MySql Workbench
- etc2 -
Worst recruiter experience:
Recruiter sets up interview with a company. I get to their office - the most packed place I have ever seen - devs practically sitting on each other, and the QA guys are being used as chairs....
So I wait for 15 minutes near the doot till the interviewer gets to me through the incredibley noisy openspace, and shakes hands. We go into a mess of a meeting room - and he explains that they will be moving to a bigger office soon. I say - looks like you should have moved by now....
Anyways - he askes me to tell him about myself - and I explain my background, Focusing on Android dev experience - The recruiter told me this was a senior Android dev position. The interviewer has a huge question mark above his head, but waits for me to finish. Then he tells me: so... no backend experience? so Now I have a huge question mark above my head...
turns out he is looking for BackEnd devs - Not android devs.1 -
Got postblocked on Facebook for saying a certain video (which shows useless "self-defense techniques") is the cause people are trash at hand to hand combat :D
30 days of not telling random people they are idiots, FML6 -
Trying to get my 'patience for Idiots' threshold back up to 15 minures. Not easy.
The problem is - you need to listen to them talking for 20 minutes before 30 seconds of relevant and actual info comes up.4 -
Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬3
-
> Tells client, if content isn't hosted on their server somewhere, we'll have to update the app every time they need new content
> Client refuses saying it will take too much time and effort to maintain
*Several weeks later*
> Get email from client asking to update the app because content is out of date
> I want to reply with 'Sorry no can do, it will take too much time and effort to maintain'8 -
Will try to keep that one short.
So we have internal system for active QR codes, nothing really special, as you could imagine. I wrote it when I was beginner but it works and is heavly battle-tested.
Today JBOG (just bunch of guys) come in and try to BS me that something is showing up wrongly for someone.
I check things up, nothing looks out of the order, I go there, everything looks fine too, and they say that yeah but this printed certificate's QR dosen't match what some QR with this name is within the system...
Short invastigation. TL;DR, someone who was rendering/printing these certificates had bunch of these codes with names like
30. ABC
31. ABC
32. ABC
And just casually missclicked...
And to come to that conclusion they need fucking backend dev to confirm that code last 1.5 year didnt magically change, and to destroy their magical belief that it's code's fault.
No, someone fucking missclicked. Whole magic. Usually problem is between chair and keyboard, get fucking used to it. Now, having that settled, let me get back to my work. -
!rant
For the second time in a row, one of our customers decided not to pay their server. The server, on which a lot of the work we did for them (online shop) was hosted. Shortly after completion, we specifically told them to backup their stuff on a daily basis, secure their server and regularly update it... Guess who did neither of those things, in addition to not paying their server after more than 5 reminders, and still complains about their shop being offline. Fucking idiots.2 -
Sometimes I wonder why my company has a helpdesk for our customers when the help desk doesn't even know how to use the product we sell. I spend more time supporting our helpdesk than I do programming.1
-
Old team that screwed me over now comes back being all nice to ask me for help...
Me: **fake smile** Hi... (what can I do for you monkeys)
Then proceeds to do a Google search and gives them a link... idiots....3 -
!dev
Just sold my car waaayyy under it’s worth just because I don’t have much time left to relocate.
And those fuck faces want me to pay half of THEIR transport costs..
The both of us just signed a fucking contract you morons.
Read the contracts you write before giving them to anyone.
Good for me that I did.
Fucking unfriendly assholes trying to rip people off twice in a row..
They make immigrants look bad just because those guys are fucking idiots..
They didn’t get another penny from me those cock suckers..
And now, a good evening too all of you.
Just8littlebyte out! *mic drop*2 -
Boss asks us to make sure out documents/instructions to clients are idiot-proof. I am not disagreeing this but usually clients are more idiotic than the most idiotic idiot you can ever imagine...4
-
Idiots. Just... Fucking Idiots.
Junior Frontend dev got a feature to implement. Decided to add a field to a set of mongo collections. I'm the responsible adult for those collections. Talked to the junior - told it, "don't do that, you will lose the data you are adding later". Junior says "will not happen", and goes on to try and prove It is "Right". Problem? Junior is an Idiot. did not trigger the data loss scenario. So... Junior got his TL to talk to the RND manager. And those Idiots Decided that the implementation will go forward as is.
Data loss will happen. QA will not find it. Only the client will experience the data loss, and complain....4 -
Except my class being full of fucking idiots (see another rant...) I wouldn't change nothing.
Pretty happy right now!2 -
Some fegit: "test you"
*fegit sends outbound Facebook link to some Paki website*
(why not a direct link you moron?)
Fegit: "go."
Me (thinking): *what the fuck does this idiot want from me*
Me: "What makes you think that we want to prove ourselves to you by us doing your dirty work? We are not your personal army, so please fuck right off."
Fegit: "look out ya window"
Ehm yeah sure.. as if there's anything there. You'll need more than that to threaten me.
Me: "Anything to see there?"
Fegit: …
Fucking piece of shit. Look out your window you say. Wanna give it a try? To someone who masters the art of wrangling the angry pixies? I don't need a gun to kill people, you know ^^
Oh well. At least it wasn't a "plz huk Phasebuk" question I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
I've worked in a lot of customer service jobs and the more i have to deal with client, the more story starting to pile up. But something always come back and it's frustrating. The entitlement people have. I work as a Technical Support agent and for the most part i'm actually happy to help people with fixing their problems. But once in a while i always get that idiot that doesn't do anything i told him, blame me because "my fixes" don't work or just straight up don't listen to me and think they know better. Why the fuck do you call me if you need help if you're going to ignore everything i say and act like a fucking children. I'm not the one that call for technical support.
I know this place is more for Dev, but i'm sure those kind of things happen all the time when a client think he know more than the dev themselves...1 -
I think I used to rage more at complete idiots when I was younger because I had the time and energy to do so
Now I've seen it at least a million times and just don't give a shit anymore -
In the last 3 days I have managed to burn my tongue twice because of hot coffee and I have always wondered for which idiots they write 'caution, contents hot' on the cups.
I guess I am one of them6 -
Support Team Member opened a ticket.
> This customer's image isn't loading.
Load image, it's white and transparent on a white page. -
Why the actual fuck am I getting ads when I'm paying for YouTube Premium? Fucking money sucking idiots
14 -
Found this gem today (and there is not anything else defined as "any") WTF are you kidding me? Some people should not be allowed to program
2 -
There was this motherfucker searching a dev to build a vue component on freelancer.
I applied. 🙄
Then he started to ask me out about Upwork. How he wants to use my account through TeamViewer. And how he will pay me for this monthly.
Why am I magnetic to idiots and scammers? Can some one please Avada Kedavra all idiots? I will pay you monthly. I swear.3 -
When you give your team and the client a month+ to test the app and get no feedback, then all of a sudden once it's live in the app store you get an email filled with bug reports....
Were you guys not testing it at all?!
😡🤦♂️1 -
f#cking idiots always saying stupid things followed by "I'm not an idiot..."
and trying to humiliate other people...2 -
WTF IS WITH ALL THESE MESSAGING SERVICES... ALL NEED TO LOGIN OR VERIFY USING MY PHONE. WHAT IS IT'S LOST OR BROKEN....
DUMBASS IDIOTS....14 -
Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by idiots. My family are too stupid and lazy to have jobs or do anything involving a skill. They are too dumb to do anything properly so most of the house is fucked.
My co-workers are supposed to be Web devs but cba to learn the frameworks or languages we work on. Some of them have over 5 years experience and don't understand basics like backend verification vs front end.. Or even what json is. Needless to say everything I'm told to do is retarded such as implement roles and permissions where there are no roles, but ot allowed to add roles.
Anyone else surrounded by idiots 90% of the time? How do you not get worn down?2 -
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Yet they keep getting promoted.
It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.4 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
working on a crappy legacy site written by an invalid. The job was to replicate an existing site for a school with the original's permission. I fix a shit ton of bugs and update the original.
For the first time ever I got a phone call from the original's owner to complain that I had fixed their site -.-
leave things broken from now on!5 -
Dear Arch Linux Maintainers. Why the fuck are you sending me my password in plaintext?! Not enough: You are sending me my fucking password every fucking month, so i do not forget it, because its important!??!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK! Fucking idiots...4
-
When a gamer is also a developer:
Idiot: What kind of game is that? I only has a crap load of words!
Me: Yeah, it's called Android Studio2 -
Uhhh look at me I R node.js developer I R so smart I write Java Scripts on the backend uuuhhhhhh
Idiots.8 -
on dev rant, "web idiots" = people who are way better than me at web dev. they're better than me at that so therefore they are bad. me monkey brain feel safe. ooga booga!
this site should just be called InsecureRant11 -
To people who managed to install and fully execute annoying trojans on android because they are blind or what... I'll find you and break your arms! Fuckin idiots, dammit!1
-
!dev
Media: Facebook is selling all your personal info to the highest bidder!
General Public: “What??? OMG!”
M: Russian elections are completely rigged!
GP: “What??? OMG!”
M: The social media platform you use to argue with your racist aunt isn’t actually a good place to get your news from!
GP: “What??? OMG! No way, I get all my news there!”
M: The sky is blue and water is wet!
GP: “What??? OMG!”
Me: You fucking idiots. Smarten the fuck up!
https://goo.gl/images/1eUBd35 -
Some things should be prohibited! Such as trying to look smart luring geeks with PHP code. That does not do what you wanted to do in the first place. Idiots!
4 -
Trend:
The Kiki
- idiots get out of there car and dance with the door open...
Me
- Meh. Ghost riding the whip is old news.
——
New Trend:
The Kiki fail
- people get out and either fail or get betrayed.
Me: now I’m on board.
Great examples seen so far...
1. Women get out dancing, drops her bag (on purpose) in dancing. A motorcycle comes along and steals her purse.
Me: Great. I hope they get away with it too. I like the criminals more than the idiot in this case.
2. Dude gets out and starts dancing. Driver speeds up. The guy holds on to the car telling him to “STOP!”. He stops, the guy goes head first through the window of the driver (its down) and I assume right on his head.
Me: mmmmm delicious7 -
When Idiots discovered "shutdown -i" and you're the poor guy without admin rights:
@echo off
:start
shutdown -a
goto start1 -
Can anyone suggest any good computer science/IT/development/coding/computery based podcasts to listen to?
I'm getting awfully bored of listening to idiots jabber away about nonsense each night.4 -
I hate all the idiots who mark completely wrong answers on SO as the accepted best answer. THE ANSWER IS WRONG GENIUS!!1
-
This team wants to reinvent the wheel, when we already have the wheel. When asked why they want to waste their time, they replied saying because they just want to.
I have to help these idiots.1 -
Power tripping idiots who just chase brads for their personal gain without understanding the underlying scenarios are primarily driven by money and have no sense of responsibility towards others or their surroundings.
Fuck such money hungry job seekers.
29 -
I was asked a stupid question recently:
I was questioned to why I fix things.
Wtf? Why wouldn't you fix something that could be useful? Idiots
End Rant3 -
Calling for a meeting to talk about things that delayed the project and these idiots can't acknowledge the fact that such stupid meetings played a huge role. This is the 10th meeting this month. WTF is wrong with y'all.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻1 -
Best advice from and to myself though:
"Don't work with idiots"
I'm sure it will change my life when it happens.3 -
There will always be an idiot in a IT department that will ruin your Saturday, by adding a few more network restrictions for no freaking reason, breaking everything else.
-
So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.
So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL4 -
Our only pretty good and uderpayed graphic designed did not get raise so in few days he found company that offered him 1.5 more as starting wage.. Now we will be left with no designer and half of our project being behind schedule cause of unfinished graphic design.. losing 4x more than was raise that designer asked for...
Srsly there are greedy bosses.. then there are retarded bosses... but when Greedy retards run company it is next level idiocracy4 -
To the devs at inc.com
Fuck you.
Just resign.
Do me a favour. Don't touch any computer for life.
After reading 2 articles I need to login.
Okay fine.
Facebook login fucking doesn't work.
Twitter login worked.
But but fucking take me to some idiotic article. Hello? That was not what I logged for.
Now go back. And fuck fuck fuck
Article still says login to read this.
And click on login. Nope. Nadda. Nothing happens.
How how how. How are you even getting paid?
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.2 -
Dealing with stupid questions.
I have a pretty quick temper and low tolerance level for bullshit, to put it lightly. When there is one thing I could never deal with, then it's fucking idiots asking fucking idiot questions because they're fucking idiots.1 -
Back in college, we were assigned a group of 3 other students to complete a duplicate of a current popular site. My team received Kijiji, a Canadian ad listing platform similar to Craigslist/eBay. This was to be done with JSP and JavaEE. We had to create a 30 minute presentation to go along with it.
Fairly simply, except we had one week. As I worked 2 jobs at the time, I typically left my college work to the last minute. Initially, we split up the work, myself taking 50% of the code and splitting the rest between the other 3. I was perfectly okay with this, until the night of the last day, they messaged me saying they had done nothing.
Extremely annoyed, I told them to just do the fucking presentation and that I would now finish the other 50% of the code myself. I coded 16 hours straight, went to bed, woke up and coded for another 8 hours. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it covered all the points.
The day of, they showed me their presentation. It was complete trash. When we ended up presenting, I improvised the entire thing. The others didn't even speak. Not once. At the end of it, we received 65%. The professor said that if the project had been completed by one person, it would've received a perfect grade, but because there were 4 of us, he expected more. They all looked at me in fear of saying something. I just thanked the professor for his time and left.
The professor knew I did the entire thing myself. My code was by far the most consistent in his class, constantly receiving perfect marks and him asking me to assist other students.
When I graduated, I didn't have 100%, but I did have a 90%. Considering that project was worth 25% of our final marks, he definitely bumped my grade.3 -
Question, should I post this on our company's social network? Or is just going to look like me calling the management idiots?
https://medium.com/personal-growth/...
2 -
Some of my co-workers are so fucking dumb. Their thought process....
Let's re-run tests that are currently failing over and over until it works
😡
like bitch....fix it then run it! don't just run shit over and over to make yourself look busy.1 -
This place would be much better if we could ban idiots. I won’t give names but one wants to slit my throat and other is putin’s assole.11
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Soooo....,fellow Devranters,some moron just sent a PR with just an added space.....
Idiots never cease to exist8 -
Dear Colleagues. Stop saying iOS (i-oohs). It's (i-oh-es). You don't call it fucking windows ooohs. You sound like fucking idiots to our clients1
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I don't fucking care if you don't understand what I'm trying to convey, I've documented how to configure email with your fucking iPhone (even though I don't own one), I will not fucking guide some FUCKING idiot from management to teach them configure the same documented thing.
It's fucking email, you log in with your credentials and settings are fetched, how is this difficult to understand you FUCKING idiot?!?!??
Also, pic related, translation "I don't give rat's ass" or "I don't fucking care"
8 -
FUCKING MOZILLA!
>Quantum
>over9999 times faster
-Ughm, okay, but what is the trick?..
-THE TRICK IS THAT NONE OF YOUR FAVORITE ADDONS WILL WORK!!!
Seriously this is fucking insane! Several of my addons which were essential for me to stay sane is gone and I don't even know how to live without them. And all this bullshit is happening because these idiots in Mozilla decided to enforce use of WebExtensions. For ones who unaware, WebExtensions is much, much poorer framework and many cool addons simply unable to work under WebExtensions because of its limitations.
Are you the one who loved the speed and joy of using mouse gestures? GUESS WHAT — IT'S GONE.
Maybe you made your browsing activity super efficient with use of the “Tab Groups” addon that used to allow you to group your browser sessions? SAY BYE-BYE TO IT!
And many more!
Most importantly, I cannot understand why would a company enforce use of a framework that will decrease functionality of a product.
Anyway, it seems like Firefox is not a browser for addon enthusiasts like me anymore; got to find a new one, any recommendations?11 -
Every time I read someone reply to a post with "lol" I stop for a moment and imagine myself actually laughing out loud to that post. I've got to say, only under ~1% of such posts were actually worth lol'ing. Other times laughing out loud to whatever is there would be retarded at best.
So either I'm a bum with only notions of a sense of humour OR there are far too many retards laughing out loud to basically anything.
Or perhaps there are too many idiots who use 'lol' without knowing what it means.
Or those people so desperately want others' attention that they lie to others pretending to like what they say/do/write by saying "what you did there made me feel so good that I burst in loud laughter".
This is stupid.
If you don't laugh OUT LOUD - then don't say that you do.
If you are not in immediate danger threatening to your life - then don't say you are LITERALLY DYING.
FFS, is it THAT hard?26 -
Just when i somehow accepted that Austrian part of team is naming theirs methods in Deutch, i almost got heart attack when i saw this. They're combining english with deutch, for example isOffen(), isLoeschenAllowed(), isEinsichtHinzufuegenAllowed() and so on... And most of the time these assholes even dont add javadoc, but when they do it something like: "Checks if *curentClass* is offen". Thanks a fucking ton.3
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Received a new HP Probook 640 G2 laptop for work, everyone else has theirs as 64bit machines. Yet the idiots who handle hardware and software installs installed windows for a 32bit machine. Well at least I get waste half a day and do nothing while they redo everything and then I have to still get shit done later.
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"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof software, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
Source: Can't remember -
I did some investigation on Jira board. There was a story in Oct to design solution for a problem and a senior engineer has commented saying it was done.
The same story opened again in December and another senior engineer has commented saying "canonical and solution is designed"
But FUCKING IDIOTS didn't do anything! Last sprint I got the development story for same and I have been fucking waiting for them to give me solution. But idiots are way too lazy to do any work! -
It appears I've discovered myself quite talented at solving problems.
And also, that I'm surrounded by idiots, who don't know what an integer is.
Also, that im an idiot.2 -
I have a junior friend living in same building where I used to live. I used to help him in small doubts related to college and in some random stuff.
I once typed an application in a language which does not have its fonts in ms word by default. I used Google typing tools and Google docs to type and format it. I even taught him the process which is easy to understand.
Out of blue, after few years, this SOB pings me today and asks same thing to do again since it's urgent. I told him that I am middle of something and told him to use same tools as I used and give it a try. This fucker says he forgot how to do it. Well no problems, I told him how to do it and I will not be able to do it for him right now.
He said then try doing it after coming back to home.
Mind you that he is an engineering student.
You asshole, if it is so much urgent then use your brain and figure out this small thing yourself. If you can wait till I come back home then in which fucking way it's urgent? Go fuck yourself. I am done with your shitty attitude and on next offense you are going on my block list.4 -
pfff sshhhfd fgherhre brrrrrrrrrrrr
- Sorry, bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbrrrr, guys. I'm in the car. I just wanted to ask a totally useless question so you know brrrrrrrrrrrrrr that I'mmmm good at multitaskinggggg1 -
414 rants since your last visit,
Alright devrant, here we go.
> client adds a home button to the subdomain
> asks to add a feature from which user can come to the homepage of subdomain
> naturally, add "/" in the href of the home
> client gets frenzy
> "that home button was supposed to redirect users to the main domain"
> I'm like wtf bro
> anyways adds another home button to redirect to the home of the subdomain.
now let's see how confused the users get1 -
People that argue that anyone who doesn't understand their one or two letters long variable names are idiots.2
-
Nothing destroys work flow like management idiots deciding on features and design that they just pulled out of their asses.6
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Two idiots, one keyboard. The creators of this clip demonstrate a level of technical stupidity I didn't think was possible.
https://m.youtube.com/watch/... -
Today was a holiday and I wanted to make a mini project for practice purpose, the generic idea was to submit form details and view the details in another file and get the said details on e-mail too.
The main purpose of this exercise was to strengthen my OOP skill.
Not two minutes and 1 text box later I get a call to reset all passwords of "friend" because it was "urgent" somehow..
Reset passwords for fuck's sake...Now I am having this idea of automating reset password job.. -
When your team members don't have a fucking clue how git works and you've explained it thousands of times to them already.
6 -
FUCK YOU IMBECILES.
Fucking testers said the website is too complicated because I have a check box that needs to be ticked before they proceed...
This wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't due today and they'd got their arse into gear a fucking WEEK AGO2 -
This appears to be a service designed for idiots. $89 a month for ho-hum specs. What strikes me more though is that with CentOS selected, it still gives me MSSQL options. Learn to js, n00bs!
7 -
So, since a few months, my school has a new shiny building,
but we are still not using it because the computers are not correctly set up.
Some idiot installed the wrong drivers for the Windows installation
and that's the reason some classes are still located in containers without a computer...3 -
Pissed af at my idiot teammates for dragging down my project grades. But I believe this won't be the last time as there are more idiots out there.
I need the credits to graduate .. sigh...
: /3 -
How the f*ck could Apple release an MBP with such a sucky flawed subpar keyboard? One speck of dust and your $3000 laptop is about as useful as a brick! Idiots!2
-
Ridiculous when ftp guide doesn't include anything about how to change root directory.
"All these commands and Voila! Yiu have your vsftpd server running"
ok but what is the root directory tho?2 -
Today Phoronix posted a short article about a (in my opinion cool) new feature I implemented in my file manager (Dolphin). Most of the feedback was positive/constructive criticism but some people attacked me personally because they don't like the feature/think "true" Linux users wouldn't use it.
I gave you something cool for free. Would you please stop bitching about it?
If you don't like it don't use it. You can even disable it if it threatens your ego as a Linux master user5 -
In the new job as "Consultant", one of my duties is to maintain the website. Now, the website is based on PHP 5.6 (which they are still using mail method) and without git or sg-git and of course, it is based on cPanel.
Now, I update the website in real time i.e. working on cPanel itself. This is because I don't do for the front end, I do it for SEO. So one day, they reported a "feature" as a bug and assigned it to solve me, I took my time solved it, they did not like it, I reverted it back and I had to listen to a lecture because I did not test it.
Imagine old "wise" ass hats giving a lecture which they do not know about in the first place, 12 of them precisely, yeah that's what happened to me. -
"Paint my rims black" - Can't be hard to understand? They deliver it like this.. asked me for a rating.. well.. #000000 ffs.
6 -
So a client (BPOS) asks me to build a website for their client(let's call them A). So BPOS decides to 'design' the site. The design is alright but the components they want does not exist. I need to build everything custom. And the website takes a few months longer than estimated. Mainly because BPOS doesn't do any QA for 3 months. At the end of the last month as we near handoff, BPOS wakes up and starts to do QA which mainly consists of vague information like " change to gray" instead of color codes and "increase font size" instead of the actual size.
By this time A is utterly pissed off and wants to give development to someone else. They get in touch with me directly to work with after the hand off by BPOS.
It's so amusing that I need to be in a KT meeting with BPOS and A when BPOS is pushing for annual maintenance and A doesn't want to give it to them and they keep ignoring BPOS.
ALL the delays are because an "account manager" who works for BPOS went on a trip to Australia.3 -
The ability to sudo kill all the idiots that point a deprecated function to another deprecated funtion that points to a deprecated function. Smh.
-
Anything that has to do with SNMP. Guys who write MIBs are either complete idiots or amazing trolls.1
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TFW idiots use FFmpeg without looking at the license, and then spend two months compiling it themselves.
2 -
At work I'm surrounded by happy_looking_fucking_around_with__me_and_each_other idiots, literally. Fine I'll just work for money and experience. Jeez 🙄1
-
hey linkedin!
hey linkedin!
hey linkedin!
"you have one new message!"
no i don't you stupid fat fuck slimeball garbage idiots - btw your devs suck and you as an organization suck
these type of lying emails have to be illegal somewhere right?
like something the clowns i used to work for would have concocted... good amount it did for them, they are unemployed, and at least i have my income from my meager saas products / savings (they are gen z, probably don't even know how to spell the word "savings")1 -
So, this is a story of me leaving my current job. I am in a maintenance PHP project. I usually love PHP but I hate the way this project is done, therefore I hate this project
Now, see the attitude change in people when they come to know I will no longer be there:
> 7:49 AM : *gets a mail without context with some photographs*
> 9:00 AM : *I leave for my doctor's visit which is once in 3 months*
> 10:00 AM: I see, still no email with context, well, I'll go back to sleep
> 12:00 PM: I see, *gets an email from the manager*, so you want this news to be updated with these new images
At this point, I deliberately postponed the task, because I am salty because you are sending images with no context.
> 3:00 PM: Okay, this is done. *send e-mail, WhatsApp, and hangout to the manager that task is done*
> 3:08 PM: Post a rant on devRant!5 -
If I have to train one more person, or answer the same question for the 100 times I'm gonna loose it. I just want...need to code
-
"I think.."
It doesn't matter what you think you fucking moron. The bottom line here is that you forgot to add a master table for this and you are asking to create a master table from me when I have no fucking records, YOU THINK you need it today but deep down you too know that is fucking impossible to do.
"Only some code modification"
No shit Sherlock, yes indeed only some code modification is required, and I did, the only problem is that you are not having that required field's data.
fuck you, you fat useless piece of shit
2 -
godddd you know this all would have resolved itself a lonnng ass time ago. a LONG time ago. if punishment would just come to these idiots.1
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Digistore24 is a steaming pile of shit!
The whole product creation and purchase integration is covered by ugly smelling donkey shit. This whole dumb service is made by idiots.
The 'scripts' they provide to throw at your server for generic customer handling is a joke. Just a raw php mess. But nothing works and debugging this piece of shit is nearly impossible because they don't even provide a proper documentation on how they make the request to your machine.
🤬2 -
I'm just a dumb frontender and I should start flipping burger.
But then some idiots will probably explain that cheese burgers is not a real burger flipping craft. Or does the burger flipping community contain less shitheads?
33 -
Tiktok hearing. What a shitshow and blame game. These idiots who don't produce anything crying foul, meanwhile facebook, instagram, google, bing does the exact same thing.
It was a predetermined kangaroo court. Reflects of the US decline. And yeah idiots who also don't build anything will complain about tiktok without understanding anything.13 -
I always hated handshakes, being an in crowed and public places where a lot of people wandering around so no problem for people like me but i see people are idiots.
BTW i am staying home today. I called in sick (I am not sick actually, just taking care of myself)
Shaking hands, kissing, working together and private offices staying open.
and some company owners including mine are like :
2 -
Technical interview to solve a fairly simple problem. I proved that I am an idiot.
Really don't want to work for a company that doesn't test new hires well and hires idiots. Ironic :D10 -
I love the React and Sails docs. The contents are human-readable. Perfect for idiots like me since most docs are $h!+5%&* (hint: Git).2
-
I just talked to Skype support...
Skype is down for 80% of users, world wide...
It's been 5 hours already. Idiots.5 -
> be me
> client proposed changes
> "Get this done now"
> me "ok I'll get right on it"
> wheresthechangesihavetodobecausethisis_alreadychanged.php
> Call client
> "oh yes, about that, I already did it, thanks"
> ???
> profit -
I hate people. I show them devrant or try to abstract a problem to a everyday problem people still reply with "I don't know computers" ignorant fucks.1
-
i fucking hate idiots that save all of the most important business files in a pst archive even though they have told not to several times!!!
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A guy on YouTube posted in a GraphQL tutorial about his CSS issue. He asked about why a certain background for a website that he is creating only looks good on a phone but not on his desktop. I asked him to put the code on either jsfiddle or codepen but he still put the code in the comments, only the CSS part. I kept telling him to place it on those two sites, eventually he did. I looked at the pen and guess what? The picture is a portrait one... He wants to use CSS to make it look good, I don't know how he is gonna achieve that but good luck. I am done with him, stopped commenting.3
-
Recently read Fish!
It's a really nice book..
Really hard to implement when you have total idiots working with you -
My phone is always on silent.
If you want something done, leave a message or listen to my phone message which says... Email me details and I'll sort it -
So the major project of one my classmates during the college was, an eye donation app.
I don't understand why would you make an app for that! I mean like, what?
Donate one eye today and the other one next week? Like what?
It's of no use. Why would you do that?!2 -
Had a discussion with a fellow coworker about users experience.
This guy actually trying to convince me that the backend is more important for ux then the ui. And this guy is a senior with over 12 years experience. Damn this one is really stupid 🤦♂️🤦♂️14 -
"as well as stability and performance improvement" aka revert the stupid address bar change that requires an extra click to actually edit the text.
Yes Google must've thought people were idiots to have to show a copy button by default and an extra button to edit the link...
Oh wait they must've realized actually they're the idiots. I actually used Firefox for a while but their tab manager with the square grid is annoying or some other issue...
4 -
My office is filled with idiots who would waste money in stupid implementations rather than actual technologies that would help the product. These days I just nod and accept that they are stupid.1
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If not for the few talented and understanding individuals who haven't decided to kill themselves because of the idiocy in this world, our species would have ended years ago with idiots just progressively introducing stupider and stupider ideas.
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Self-proclaimed 'best' hosting business solutions "GoDaddy", if had 2 brain cells, they would never suggest me to reset the account for my custom theme not working on WordPress. Fuck you cunts6
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I found myself here searching if other people are annoyed at the fact that so many JS questions are answered with jQuery, completely unprompted.
Reading the rants here has given me hope.3 -
Documenting your code is like raising a child in a world full of idiots. If the parenting is not done right then your code will be as stupid as the world.
-
What really grinds my gears?
To teach german coders that there is no plural of the word "information", over and over and over and over again!
There is no informations. There is only bits of information or information.
Darn idiots!!!8 -
rant!
Damn it. Actually, the work was done for today. Just now my client calls me, he needs the app today and not next week, as it was discussed.
He needs pictures for a presentation of the app in 2 hours. WTF? How can I do this ... I have not even finished the UI.
Crap.1 -
Metatrader 5 mql editor idiots. I have made changes, saved file and it is empty. I can only undo changes, which makes it become as it was before changes. Fucking idiots.
Later I see when I open the file from windows browser in notepad++ - tthe changes exists. What a fuck bullshit. So at least they exists but idiots show same file in metaeditor with old changes after undo or empty if not undo. -
1. Like solving and exploring how things are made/done, I want challenges
2. Can work from home, or any place in the world
3. I don't have to deal with idiots around me
4. Bonus: Money is good of course. -
When you are surrounded by idiots... Fuckers... Leads acting like interns... No time left to do your own work... Fuck fuck fuck... How can you be so dumb to ask me how to set debug point in ANT script?
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Wordpress.com are idiots. I have free site there. And now I want to edit my posts and I clicn on my site in top left and it does not do anything. And its not a first time. Wtf. Fucking idiots. Even if they made a bug, for millions of users they should fix. Now what , millions of users cannot edit their sites? idiots. And I see no way otherwise to edit my posts or add new.
Or I click write when loaded my site, and it fukcing opens white page. What a fuck.3 -
So after requesting (more like begging) the guys higher up to give us proper heads up about a piece of work... They just threw the same 2 day worth of work to us saying we have 3 hours to do it... Sometimes I think they just do this kind of thing on purpose to wind us up...
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Just finished a side project on which I spent ~400hours (pretty big side project...). Client still trying to pay me a ridiculous amount of money. Please someone burn those idiots.2
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When you have to do something as a group in class and you don't do or say anything
I just stayed in the back, maybe a bad idea...
They just did a bunch of crap, titled it "fuck bitches get riches" and put my name under it, I drew over my name, but they've been calling me leader since then, after lunch they continued with teacher, sendai, and eventually father
What a bunch of idiots -
Out input web services are called webservice_out (and vice versa) so that the calling code can build a proxy client and call webservice_out.method(xyz).
And we can't change it now. Idiots. -
my school blocked tor connections to there website so lol rip me grades IDK if whonix might fix it
IDIOTS!2 -
Most emotionaly intense?
Every day! - when i have to merge in changes in production to git and figure out what the idiots changed in mangled minified javascript, i'm really happy i didn't kill anyone yet. -
Hearing the "don't turn your galaxy note 7 on during the flight, idiots" disclaimer before takeoff is just endlessly hilarious. And terrifying.
-
Idiots in my team
1) Fullstack : ask's way too many questions.
2) Tech manager - knows nothing about management
3) backend : assumes he know's everything and when asked says he know's nothing -
so how about to get past that big monster at the end of time, which has been thus constructed into a loop by a very large interlinking collection of lying idiots.4
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me: i dont like this [game/movie/product]
idiots on internet: "iF yOu DoNt LiKe it Then Don'T ..."
bitch i already paid for it5 -
i fucking hate idiots that save all of the most important business files in a pst archive even though they have told not to several times!!!
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