I’m trying to contribute on his dying forum, and he PM’s me this.

“5 years experience in Objective c++”

WTF? 🧐

!rant

Somebody is having fun today 👍

Anybody any suggestions on a good backlit mac layout keyboard?

New monitor for macbook pro arrives Tuesday and I need to be ready 👍👍

Meh. FFS. Thats how this shit starts.

Get a call to say 2018 Bank Holidays not showing on legacy web calendar.

/me looks for bank holiday code in PHP file ..... no dice.

/me finds a dBase table that holds all Bank Holiday info. Not ideal, but I can work with that.

Enter all Bank Holidaya into dBase. Sit back, relax, wait for page to reload to show me Banks .... no dice.

Huh??

Read code more closely ......

Included file (inline, half way through PROCEDURAL FILE FFS) and notice that the linked file has all Banks hand formatted into Calendar events, and minified.

If I ever meet the old dev in the street, so help me god. 🤬

Don't you just hate it when you search for a solution to your problem and always end up back at your unanswered SO post?

People that put spaces at the end of each form entry. Infuriating to say the least

NB: Yes, I trim and validate, but who is teaching these little fuckers to do this. Seriously.

An area sales rep once rang me to tell me his iPhone screen was cracked and was going blurry around some sections.

I told him to fetch me to look, and I will see what I can do.

5 minutes later I get a SCREENSHOT from his phone asking if I can see the crack and blurry edges.

HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE THESE PEOPLE!!!

I mean, come on. He seriously said when I called him: "But I can see the crack and blurry bits on the screenshot on my phone"

When xcode wont stop whinging about your lack of updating a var since creation. Yes. Its currently looking immutable but will be updated in a short while when I get to that code!!!!! Hence the reason for var!

Everything

"Oh Lord, let there be var".

You c what I did there? 😜👊

Colleague: "Let me just try that on a decent phone".

Hes an Android user.

Me: "Yeah. Try one of these"

When you spend all afternoon correcting a layout issue only to find the problem was Chromes Super Cache!!!

When your busy following a guide and type imdb instead of lmdb. And then wonder why the config doesnt work.

When you find php booleans values with capital first letters, and then you see this .....

When all the n00bs start signing up to devRant that have 0 idea what development and/or rants are!!

When UserID is an int(3) in one table, and then text(10) in another. And then the monent you see that the Username field is stored in both tables ......🖕🖕🖕🖕

Who dafuq wrote this crap?!?!?!?

No. Words.

When your work alarm goes off on a Bank Holiday Monday because Apple still dont have a feature to disable alarms on Bank Holidays. Cheers Tim.

When the previous dev has written all datetime query lookups by date only, resulting in any values for the ladt day of the month to not be included.

THANK YOU.

Same wanker has copied and pasted same 100 lines of code over and over and literally changed one value in between. Obviously never heard of a function.

When you see some code you wrote a few years ago:

ARGH. The moment you realise the previous developer centralised ALL of the current software around a M$ access dBase. WTF. Same dude also stores day of year, week of year, month number and year as seperate fields in a MySQL dBase. Alongside a datetime stamp. OMFG!!!!

When you try sending a mail campaign to btinternet users.

User, Y U NO USE GMAIL?

Meeting: Here is the brief. Its specific. Inplement it.

Me: It's done. Gone live.

Client: Can you just change the whole thing to be completely different to my original specific spec? It'll only take a minutes?

Me:

When you forget your password, go to change it and get greeted with:

"Your new password cannot be the same as your current password!"

The moment you discover that the previous dev used many goto's in his php code! ARGH!!!

When you get a call into the helpdesk:

" It doesn't work!! "

What doesn't fucking work???!!!!??? And who the hell is this anyway?

People that call it "The Google".

When somebody else in the office steals your rant, puts it up on devRant and gets more +1's than anybody else on devRant.