User: "What should I do? I'm confused."

Uber driver: What do you do?

Me: I make apps and do some server side programming

Uber driver: Does that mean you have to type in 1s and 0s all day?

I just remembered the first time I set up a Linux-Server. It was a simple Apache webserver at my first internship anf I didnt have a clue about literally anything.

My mentor guided me through and gave me literal step-by-step instructions (alright, now type... and now type...).

At the end he told me "OK, now run 'sudo rm -rf /*' to finish setting up". Me, being the naive and clueless motherfucker I am, happily nuked the everloving shit out of my newly setup server. I was like "Alright, WTF just happened??" He then told me "Now that you know how it works, do the entire thing again all by yourself. And you just learned an important lesson: NEVER exexute commands you dont know what theyre doing". I really did learn a lot on that day and still follow that lesson :D

Me: *Applies for entry level full-stack job*

Recruiter: "Sorry, I can't hire you because you don't have the years of experience we're looking for. We can take you on as an intern! Unpaid of course, while we train you."🙂

Clueless Me: "Sure, why not."

*second day into the internship*

Boss: "I have this really big project, and I want you to be the lead. I'm going to be very vague about what I want, so you'll constantly have to make changes to user stories, wireframes, & database designs until I'm satisfied. Don't ask me any questions for clarity, because I'm busy 🙂"

Silly Me: "okay"

Boss: "Also, can you train all the other interns? You're so lucky! You'll get to pick the best to join your team" 🙂

Stupid Me: "okay"

Boss: *emails me a spreadsheet of 80 Front-End interns (freshmen and sophomores)*
"Did you start building the app yet?" 🙂

Me (Dummy): "You haven't approved the final wireframes ye-"

Boss: "And for the other interns' training, what did you have in mind?" 🙂

Me (Dumbass): "I made a training guide, they're already followi-"

Boss: "My project manager for this other project left, guess he couldn't handle the pressure of a real job... HAHAHAHA! You're gonna take the lead of that project, too!"
*Adds me to the slack group* 😁

Me (Imbecile): "Wha-"

Boss: "And we've been having trouble with keeping track of everyone's code. Is there something we can do instead of slacking code snippets back and forth?" 🤔😮

Me (Fucking Imbecile): "Wait, you guys are working on a project and you don't have any form of version control? Maybe we should take a few steps back and plan thi-"

Boss: "Are you gonna take initiative or not!?" 😡

Me (Enlightened): "I quit." 😑

Former Boss: "Too bad... I was going to offer you a paid role tomorrow morning. Oh well!" 😔

Me: I use Git!

Classmates: what's that? A Softdrink?

Me: Nevermind. Just Copy the source code on gooogle drive.

Classmates: Thanks!

Me: -_-

When they expect you to construct something which was defined just by a name, and you have absolutely no clue..:

I absolutely HATE "web developers" who call you in to fix their FooBar'd mess, yet can't stop themselves from dictating what you should and shouldn't do, especially when they have no idea what they're doing.

So I get called in to a job improving the performance of a Magento site (and let's just say I have no love for Magento for a number of reasons) because this "developer" enabled Redis and expected everything to be lightning fast. Maybe he thought "Redis" was the name of a magical sorcerer living in the server. A master conjurer capable of weaving mystical time-altering spells to inexplicably improve the performance. Who knows?

This guy claims he spent "months" trying to figure out why the website couldn't load faster than 7 seconds at best, and his employer is demanding a resolution so he stops losing conversions. I usually try to avoid Magento because of all the headaches that come with it, but I figured "sure, why not?" I mean, he built the website less than a year ago, so how bad can it really be? Well...let's see how fast you all can facepalm:

1.) The website was built brand new on Magento 1.9.2.4...what? I mean, if this were built a few years back, that would be a different story, but building a fresh Magento website in 2017 in 1.x? I asked him why he did that...his answer absolutely floored me: "because PHP 5.5 was the best choice at the time for speed and performance..." What?!

2.) The ONLY optimization done on the website was Redis cache being enabled. No merged CSS/JS, no use of a CDN, no image optimization, no gzip, no expires rules. Just Redis...

3.) Now to say the website was poorly coded was an understatement. This wasn't the worst coding I've seen, but it was far from acceptable. There was no organization whatsoever. Templates and skin assets are being called from across 12 different locations on the server, making tracking down and finding a snippet to fix downright annoying.

But not only that, the home page itself had 83 custom database queries to load the products on the page. He said this was so he could load products from several different categories and custom tables to show on the page. I asked him why he didn't just call a few join queries, and he had no idea what I was talking about.

4.) Almost every image on the website was a .PNG file, 2000x2000 px and lossless. The home page alone was 22MB just from images.

There were several other issues, but those 4 should be enough to paint a good picture. The client wanted this all done in a week for less than $500. We laughed. But we agreed on the price only because of a long relationship and because they have some referrals they got us in the door with. But we told them it would get done on our time, not theirs. So I copied the website to our server as a test bed and got to work.

After numerous hours of bug fixes, recoding queries, disabling Redis and opting for higher innodb cache (more on that later), image optimization, js/css/html combining, render-unblocking and minification, lazyloading images tweaking Magento to work with PHP7, installing OpCache and setting up basic htaccess optimizations, we smash the loading time down to 1.2 seconds total, and most of that time was for external JavaScript plugins deemed "necessary". Time to First Byte went from a staggering 2.2 seconds to about 45ms. Needless to say, we kicked its ass.

So I show their developer the changes and he's stunned. He says he'll tell the hosting provider create a new server set up to migrate the optimized site over and cut over to, because taking the live website down for maintenance for even an hour or two in the middle of the night is "unacceptable".

So trying to be cool about it, I tell him I'd be happy to configure the server to the exact specifications needed. He says "we can't do that". I look at him confused. "What do you mean we 'can't'?" He tells me that even though this is a dedicated server, the provider doesn't allow any access other than a jailed shell account and cPanel access. What?! This is a company averaging 3 million+ per year in revenue. Why don't they have an IT manager overseeing everything? Apparently for them, they're too cheap for that, so they went with a "managed dedicated server", "managed" apparently meaning "you only get to use it like a shared host".

So after countless phone calls arguing with the hosting provider, they agree to make our changes. Then the client's developer starts getting nasty out of nowhere. He says my optimizations are not acceptable because I'm not using Redis cache, and now the client is threatening to walk away without paying us.

So I guess the overall message from this rant is not so much about the situation, but the developer and countless others like him that are clueless, but try to speak from a position of authority.

If we as developers don't stop challenging each other in a measuring contest and learn to let go when we need help, we can get a lot more done and prevent losing clients. </rant>

//Long rant

[Boss man]: Hey, we need you to build us a web app.

[Me]: Okay, what do you need it to do?

[Boss man]: We need staff to be able to login from anywhere, create new appointments, check room availability, display live times for the rooms, schedule future appointments, record all the data as stats and export the stats to (email address).

[Me]: Okay, sounds useful, anything else?

[Boss man]: we also need it to send all relevant data to a calendar where certain staff will be notified by email of events.

[Me]: Okay... I'll get right on starting this.

[Boss man]: So you can have it done by the end of the day? (4 hours from this time)

[Me]: *Internal screaming* *WHAT THE FUCK* Uhm, no, I don't think that is possible to complete in a four hour period by myself.

[Boss man]: Okay, well by tomorrow then, I'm leaving for the day though, have a good one.

[Me]....

//End long rant

Lamer rant

For a really long time I said to myself that this is too basic to rant about but lately it became so frequent and extreme that here is my rant about completely clueless users that ask me IT related questions.

Disclaimer: Said users are people that I generally can't avoid. Distant family members, neighbors and etc.

Case 0:
U: I don't know what's happening!! The computer doesn't work!!
M: What do you mean?
U: There's no Facebook! And everything is stuck and no messenger!!!
M: The WiFi on your laptop was off. I turned it on. Still, this doesn't mean that the pc wasn't working.
U: I don't understand this shit!!!

Case 1:
U: I hate this computer!!! It never works!!! Help meeee!!!
M: What now?
U: Where did the internet disappear?!
M: (assuming it's wifi or browser related)
Actually user moved the Chrome window to bottom-right corner and lost it.

Every time I try to show the user how I resolve the issue the user yells that there are too many steps, that they are complicated and that I'm a bad teacher and doing it too fast.

Case 2:
U: My computer is so slow! It barely can load google translate! And I can't listen to music on youtube!! Shitty laptop! It's you! Your computers in the apartment drain everything!!!
M: You have no idea what you are talking about.
U: My husband told me that your computers are heavy and drain everything!
M: What exactly did he tell you that my devices drain?
U: I don't know! All the energy! I believe him! He knows!
M: My computers drain less electricity than your vacuum and I have a separate internet connection. Not only we share nothing but also I drain nothing.
U: Since you appeared all the computers are slow!!!!

Fkk...

Case 3:
U: I don't understand, where is my whatsapp?
M: You can't locate the app on your phone?
U: Yes! F*ck, help me! I'm so angry and I really need this NOW!!!
M: Shut up. I'm already here and helping.
(I open users phone and whatsapp is the active app...)
U: I can' t find my whatsapp with Clara!

F*ck you! F*ck you! Ghckjfshij!!!

Case 4:
(crazy hitting on my door)
U: I don't have THE internet!!!
It's you again! You took all of THE internet!!!
M: No, it doesn't work like that. Your provider is bad, your package is cheap and your cables are of low quality.
U: I need THE internet immediately!!! Stop playing with your typing and fix the facebook or I'll cut the power cables to the house!!

I can go on, just don't think that recalling all those events is healthy for me.

I've got new job offer with different company. New technologies and better culture, 30% pay raise. And my current manager counter offer is "You will hate it there and you will leave in 3 months".

I work at a small retail store and we have quite a few regular customers who know I'm studying computer science because I'm always coding at work on my laptop.

One lady who comes in quite often and is very sweet asked me if I would take a look at her phone. She said she bought it and paid the owner of a phone repair store to set it up for her, but was felt like he did something weird to it. I told her I wasn't an expert but would look at it.

Oh my god. This guy set up her phone connected to his own personal icloud account. All of his music was on there. All of his contacts were on there. All of his pictures were on there. Even nude pictures of multiple people that this lady said she definitely does not know. I tell her this is very very wrong and no one in their right mind should've set her phone up this way.

I automatically think to factory reset. I'm unfamiliar with iPhone, as the last time I used one was an iPhone4 many years ago. I was unaware that apple applies an authentication lock when the phone is reset.
The authentication is set up underneath yet ANOTHER email address that belongs to this guy, as this lady promised me she has no knowledge of any email address similar to the one listed, nor does she have access to it.

I tell her to call the guy and ask for her money back and to unlock her phone so that she can reset it herself.

He claims that he cannot accept refunds if a factory reset has been performed.

Uhm, I am calling SOOOOO much bullshit. There should be absolutely no reason why the owner of the phone cannot factory reset it. The owner should be able to do ANYTHING she wants with it, without being locked out of it because some creep at a repair store did NOT DO HIS JOB CORRECTLY AND HE KNOWS IT. Why else would he claim he can't refund if it's been reset, because he KNOWS she got locked out.

So long story short I talked on the phone with him and cussed him out telling him he was wrong for taking advantage of someone who doesn't know much about technology and that he was invading privacy and violating her security and that i would report him if he didn't fully refund her and unlock her phone.

He gave her all of her money back, unlocked the phone (which she is deciding to sell because she got so scared by this), and I'm still filing a complaint against this man and his store. Who knows how many more clueless people he did this too. Fucking scumbag.

Today I learnt from a more experienced Dev that using git as versioning system makes the code open source.

Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"

Jackass

Sales Advisor: "4GB is more on a mac.. they use different measurements.."... at that point I gave up trying to get some info out of him

Employer: you have been terminated from the company.

Me: Yay! Finally

You know side projects? Well I took on one. An old customer asked to come and take over his latest startups companys tech. Why not, I tought. Idea is sound. Customer base is ripe and ready to pay.

I start digging and the Hardware part is awesome. The guys doing the soldering and imbedded are geniuses. I was impressed AF.

I commit and meet up with CEO. A guy with a vision and sales orientation/contacts. Nice! This shit is gonna sell. Production lines are also set.

Website? WTF is this shit. Owner made it. Gotta give him the credit. Dude doesn't do computers and still managed to online something. He is still better at sales so we agree that he's gonna stick with those and I'll handle the tech.

I bootstrap a new one in my own simplistic style and online it. I like it. The owner likes it. He made me to stick to a tacky logo. I love CSS and bootstrap. You can make shit look good quick.

But I still don't have access to the soul of the product. DBs millions rows of data and source for the app I still behind the guy that has been doing this for over a year.

He has been working on a new version for quite some time. He granted access to the new versions source, but back end and DB is still out of reach. Now for over month has passed and it's still no new version or access to data.

Source has no documentation and made in a flavor of JS frame I'm not familiar with. Weekend later of crazy cramming I get up to speed and it's clear I can't get further without the friggin data.

The V2 is a scramble of bleeding edge of Alpha tech that isn't ready for production and is clearly just a paid training period for the dev. And clearly it isn't going so well because release is a month late. I try to contact, but no reaction. The owner is clueless.

Disheartening. A good idea is going to waste because of some "dev" dropping a ball and stonewalling the backup.

I fucking give him till the end of the next week until I make the hardware team a new api to push the data and refactor the whole thing in proper technologies and cut him off.

Please. If you are a dev and don't have the time to concentrate on the solution don't take it on and kill off the idea. You guys are the key to making things happening and working. Demand your cut but also deserve it by delivering or at least have the balls to tell you are not up for it.

Haven’t been on here for ages, but I felt like I needed to post this:

Warning:
This is long, and it might make you cry.

Backstory:
A couple of months back I worked for a completely clueless dude who had somehow landed a contract for a new website for a huge company. After a while he realised that he was incapable of completing the assignment. He then hired me as a subcontractor and I deleted literally everything he had done and started from scratch. He had over promised and under explained what needed to be done to me. It took many sleepless nights to get this finished with all the amendments and I had to double my pricing because he kept changing the brief.

Even after doubling my prices I still put in way too many hours of work. At one point I had enough and just ghosted the guy as I had done what he asked, and when he submitted it to them they wanted changes. He couldn’t make the changes, so I had to. He wouldn’t pay me extra though. I decided it wasn’t worth my time.

A couple of days ago I heard from him again. He had found another subcontractor to finish the changes. He still needed a few things though, so he promised me that I would get paid after fixing those things. I looked at the few things he had listed in our KANBAN and thought it was a few easy tasks.. until I opened the project..

I had my computer set up to sync with his server because he wanted everything done live and in production. So I naturally thought I would just “sync down” everything that the other subcontractor had done.

Here is where the magic started to happen.. I started the sync and went to grab a glass of water, and it was still running when I came back. I looked at the log and saw a bunch of “node_module” files syncing - around 900 folders. Funny thing is; neither the site nor server has anything to do with node..

I disregarded this and downloaded the files in a more manual fashion to a new folder. Interestingly I could see that my SCSS folders had not been touched since I stopped working on the project.. interesting, I thought to myself..

Turns out, the other subcontractor had taken my rendered and minimised CSS file, prettified it and worked from there. This meant that the around ~1500 lines of SCSS neatly organised in around 20 files was suddenly turned into a monster of a single CSS file of no less than 17300 lines.

I tried to explain to the guy that the other subcontractor had fucked up, but he said that I should be able to fix it since I was the one that made it initially. I haven’t replied. My life is too short for this.

Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!

Dev: ...

Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?

Dev: ...

Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!

Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

Oh fuck and boy Jesus, how on earth is this still a thing 😦

MD fucking 5 is not a fucking “secure” crypto algorithm.

This site has 14 million breached accounts with fucking MD5 hashes.

I think I’ve had to much internet for today.

At the data restaurant:
Chef: Our freezer is broken and our pots and pans are rusty. We need to refactor our kitchen.
Manager: Bring me a detailed plan on why we need each equipment, what can we do with each, three price estimates for each item from different vendors, a business case for the technical activities required and an extremely detailed timeline. Oh, and do not stop doing your job while doing all this paperwork.
Chef: ...
Boss: ...

Some time later a customer gets to the restaurant.
Waiter: This VIP wants a burguer.
Boss: Go make the burger!
Chef: Our frying pan is rusty and we do not have most of the ingredients. I told you we need to refactor our kitchen. And that I cannot work while doing that mountain of paperwork you wanted!
Boss: Let's do it like this, fix the tech mumbo jumbo just enough to make this VIP's burguer. Then we can talk about the rest.

The chef then runs to the grocery store and back and prepares to make a health hazard hurried burguer with a rusty pan.
Waiter: We got six more clients waiting.
Boss: They are hungry! Stop whatever useless nonsense you were doing and cook their requests!
Cook: Stop cooking the order of the client who got here first?
Boss: The others are urgent!
Cook: This one had said so as well, but fine. What do they want?
Waiter: Two more burgers, a new kind of modern gaseous dessert, two whole chickens and an eleven seat sofa.
Chef: Why would they even ask for a sofa?!? We are a restaurant!
Boss: They don't care about your Linux techno bullshit! They just want their orders!
Cook: Their orders make no sense!
Boss: You know nothing about the client's needs!
Cook: ...
Boss: ...

That is how I feel every time I have to deal with a boss who can't tell a PostgreSQL database from a robots.txt file.
Or everytime someone assumes we have a pristine SQL table with every single column imaginable.
Or that a couple hundred terabytes of cold storage data must be scanned entirely in a fraction of a second on a shoestring budget.
Or that years of never stored historical data can be retrieved from the limbo.
Or when I'm told that refactoring has no ROI.
Fuck data stack cluelessness.
Fuck clients that lack of basic logical skills.

Stupid fucking project managers, just posting some slurry in Slack:

"User can't get into app!" _sends useless screenshot_

Yeah? And? I have no context on what time this was, what device, where, how, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

You want me to just telepathically jump to their location on earth, sniff the electromagnetic spectrum waves to sleuth out what exact requests they made and when to figure out what the problem is?

Just shut up. Shut up

After interviewing 3 candidates for software today, I have officially decided its time to seriously pursue creating a YouTube channel with a complete set of series to learn programming MY WAY... not the short cut way... this will go all the way to beginning and start the person up with a solid foundation to build on... I’m going to pour my knowledge into these series.
The education system has failed too many in the real world... to many people I have interviewed they think they know have a degree but are clueless.. this is unacceptable and a waste... AND way too often I see online “learn programming in 30 days or learn programming in a day”... fuck off it’s all lies .. all wrong.. wrong methods wrong philosophy and I’m done with it...
I’m set on doing it this time, I’ve put it off too long, and longer I put it off the more I see shitty interviews! Time to fix it

TL;DR: I dont work in IT, but I code at work, and the non-IT higher-ups lack of knowledge shows brutally.

So I work in aviation, not IT. Through coincidences, I was tasked to work on our flight plan distribution logic years ago, which was then written in BRL (Business Rule Language). In lockdown 2020, I finally started to learn "real" programming with Python, but soon shifted to Java. Which was good, since all of a sudden a few months ago the company ditched BRL and the godawful IBM ODM IDE for... Java and IntelliJ. Nice. BUT my teammates have zero clue about Java and no real inclination to learn it by themselves. So I have been appointed their mentor, despite me stating Im still a beginner myself. Its somewhat doable, I get the hard problems, they do basic maintenace, basically renaming variables and stuff. One of my yearly goals is to make sure a completely new guy is able to do everything I do by september. It took a LOT to talk them out of it.

In my last yearly review I got some flak for not "selling" myself to other teams enough, whatever that means. So, as a learning project, I designed a new intranet page for our department in Javascript. Its loved by all. It has links to all the stuff we need woth a nice interface and built in tools to make work easier and more efficient. I did it on my own, in my spare time, simply because I was fed up with the old crap and it was an enormously good learning opportunity. Now they want to give some other guy the responsibility over that page/tool because apparently it is "not in my process team description". They even planned a day for me and him so he can "learn Javascript then". Suuure...

I also did a digital checklist tool as a webapp. All this runs from a local folder, no server at all because reasons. I made it work. Now they want it integrated into some other tool some other guy made. He wrote his tool in PHP entirely so merging the two will take considerable time. Which I told them multiple times. No, it does not take about two hours.

Sometimes, comrades, sometimes....
Im still grateful for the opportunity to code at work but the lack of knowledge really REALLY shows. My goal now is to talk management into paying for a Java course for me (they are very expensive here). That way, they get a better employee and I get more knowledge and an actual certificate thats worth something. Usually in this company, this has higher chances of success than straight up asking for more money.

Sorry for the long story, but it felt good just typing it all out, even if nobody reads this.

Me being an Intern about 3 Months ago (first time)

"What is that?"
"What? How?"
"*Being clueless sometime*"
"*Google's tons of shit*"
"Im so confused"

For about 9 hours...

Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:

Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: ...

To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...

potential new client, immediately says:

"we have to get this website to number 1 on google as fast as possible!!!!!"

god why is it always the same

i'm tempted to ask, "great, no problem, do you have thousands to spend?"

i already know what the answer is

🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡

Managers on Slack at 08:30: Hey frontendJunior, can you accept that meeting for 09:00?

frontendJunior: * No response *

Managers: * Clueless why nobody would see a ping literally 30 minutes before a meeting *

Fullstackclown, watching it all unfold: lol 🤡

Why computers are like men:

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers are like women:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Manager: "We can't have new releases breaking older versions of the mobile app!!!!! We'll lose all our customers!!!!"

fullStackChris: "That's fine, we can do API versioning, but it will take some time to implement, I'll have to be quite careful and write some tests to implement it. Probably 2-3 weeks..."

Manager: "NO WAY, THAT TIME ESTIMATE IS WAY TOO LONG, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!!"

fullStackChris: "So how do you wanna support multiple versions of the app without doing any sort of versioning?"

Manager: "...we'll think of something!"

Dev: "..."

And with 99% certainty, I expect to hear this in a week or two:

Manager: "fullStackChris, we'd like to introduce you to the highly technical concept, API versioning. It's a way to version the API so we can support multiple versions of the application our customers use! It's amazing! Please implement this immediately so we can support multiple versions of the application!"

Sigh... each day managers learn a bit more how physical reality works... you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Wow. THE CEO JUST DID AN EMPATHIC SPEECH BECAUSE OUR PAYROLL GOT DELAYED.

He ran out of money. Begging for us to be pressured and bear his child that's even dead by now(his projects).

I guess someone said that it's already a sinking ship. I have to row my own boat and find a new course.

PM: "Why are you absent on a regular holiday?"

FUCK, I JUST NEED THAT DAY TO GET PAID AND REST AND YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR IT DURING HOLIDAYS?

Do managers not fucking understand that Jira is meant to eliminate all this stupid "What's the status with X?", and "Is Y done yet?" chatter. Our communication channels should be on business logic and other global updates about the company, not about fucking workflow status updates because you have nothing else to do with your day but ping me every 5 minutes.

LOOK AT THE REVIEW COLUMN ON JIRA. I MEAN ITS LITERALLY CALLED REVIEW. SO REVIEW IT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

I swear the devs consistently have a better overview on timelines and project status than management does - which is sad, because this is literally the definition of management!!!

Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant

FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?

Manager: Huh?

FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?

Manager: Huh?

FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

if people are curious of the PTSD baggage i'm carrying and why i rage so much at everything, see attached picture

granted, this was partly my fault, as i said, i was far too nice, and stayed for far too long

also note this job was AFTER a 2+ previous e-commerce job with ultimately failed project and little pay

UG i mean LOOK at this... i could go on and on for hours "push notifications must run" - yeah a casual bullet point that needs to be finished by end of day? hahahaha

I SENT YOU THE EXACT SIGNUP URL ON NETLIFY

I TOLD YOU STEP BY STEP WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, AND HOW I CAN TRANSFER THE SITE TO YOU

AND NOW YOU COME TO ME COMPLAINING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND??!?!?!?!

fucking toxic clients I swear, never again

this is what I get for doing something for free for an acquaintances friend

if you can't handle ownership of your own website, maybe get the hell out of the internet

🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡

Why is it that people that can't program always seem to think they know how long it should take you?

!dev && rant

I just saw this video about car insurance and how they're essentially legal fraud. As I'm looking to get a driver's license and get myself a secondhand car, I looked what the costs actually are for mandatory car insurance that gets people so worked up...

€400 per fucking year?! And many companies that get well into the €1000?!!!! No surprise that people get so worked up about it! The budget of my entire fucking car would be only around €2000!!!!

Guess I'll be looking into building an electric bike then.. money grabbing corporate motherfuckers! And what for.. only because the average driver is a clueless operator of a killing machine?! FUCK THIS SHIT!!! 🤬

Them: Migrating their repositories to gitlab/bitbucket.

My classmates: using Google docs as Version Control.

FUCK THEM FOR CHANGING MY PAYROLL.
MY GROSS RATE DROPPED 50$. AND THAT'S NOT WHAT WE AGREED ON. FUCK THAT COMPANY. I'LL JUST GO AWOL AND NEVER MENTION ANY OF THEIR COMPANY AGAIN.

Whenever I have to work on others' code

"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"

I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?

* Initial Interview*

HR: We do offer remote job, lots of benefits and annual increase of salary.

Supervisor: "Oh... Those things HR mentioned? That's just a lie. We're just complying on the government requirements"

Hello everyone,
I am a french student and I was wondering if college sucks everywhere ...
This is my third college year and I have the feeling that I am wasting my time.

I am in a quite good engineering school but most of the programming courses suck because «teachers» are clueless about the course that they give.

I am not here to tell that «I am better than them blabla» but I just wanted to know if the quality of education has slightly dropped not only in France.

I am really interested in your opinion, feel free to debate in the comments :)

Why computers are like men:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Employer:"Have you tried JIRA before?"

Me: "I know JIRA, it came from a company called 'Atlassian'. I was interested in their product, but it says that it has 30 days trial. So I didn't have a chance to use it."

After a month..

"Our JIRA is pirated, we will use it in our internal servers"..

Me: (I thought this company got an enterprise product of JIRA).

Can't believe a student, that got higher grade in Database Management System, asked me
"How do you connect 2 Tables in SQL?"

Well I did help her, but please...

"STACKOVERFLOW"

Theory: zoomers are actually just boomers who come generationally full circle

Source: I work with clowns in their early 20s and the fact that they are young and were essentially born into tech and had it their whole lives literally has not contributed anything towards their understanding of basic tech concepts - if anything, it has made them more clueless.

The good news: now I know whatever is invented in the future, whatever tech comes to be, the next generation of clowns will always have many jobs to offer me.

My family is pretty clueless about what I do, but they are genuinely curious. My mom especially. She always asks questions about stuff I'm learning and tries her best to understand.

I might do a little course in programming for anyone in my family who wants to learn. Helps a lot in how people solve problems, and would help reinforce my knowledge.

Question is, do I teach them a low level language like C, or something that's a bit easier to understand, like Python?

I think my biggest problem is not being able to let go.

I love this product and believe in it 100%, but I CANT FUCKING STAND ANOTHER MINUTE WORKING WITH THESE FUCKING CLUELESS CLOWNS WHO ARE GOING TO DRIVE IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND!!!!!

...you know what? fuck 'em, I meanwhile reap $400+ monthly checks from Udemy, while our "best startup / amazing startup / omg wow lol i'm a fucking idiot" has earned a TOTAL of $200 in the past FUCKING YEAR

YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT OR I WILL TAKE THIS COMPANY OVER AND CONTROL ALL DECISIONS, IGNORING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU THINK IS 'WISE' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'WISE' IS YOU FUCKS!!!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR BITBUCKET CREDENTIALS!!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN REVOKE MY ACCESS

AAAAAAAGGGGGG YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GODDAMMIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING I CANT EVEN I NEED TO SMASH SOMETHING TO GET THE RAGE OUTAASDASDJKLFJ;KLAFDSJKL;AFDSJKL;AFES L;KADFS AF LSAFS DHI;A EGWHIOAEGW IOAEGWHIO

Listen, I get you're a junior.

But please read the fucking spec I spent quite some time on writing for you before you ask me a bunch of irrelevant questions, which you know would be irrelevant IF YOU READ THE SPEC!

Trust me.

Read the spec.

It will be clear.

Why do managers always want to fucking "discuss"? If you had literally a first-grader's education in basic electronics, you could define tasks and tickets by yourself and not have to fumble around all day and fuck it up,

So, you ask me for a quote. You know nothing about the technology or the problem, but you think the quote is too high.

On what fucking basis are you assessing the quote? On the number of words? Font? Whether your spouse/cat hates you (both do). Basically, whatever I said, you'd have said it was too high, right?

Fuckwit.

Next time *you* tell *me* how much you have to spend and I'll tell you what you can get for your budget.

Maybe a coffee and a small cake.

Don't fucking call me again.

Me: We should use typescript to enhance our readability and productivity.

Senior dev: No... We don't want to use any other languages except JavaScript.

(A month later)

Too many catch, race conditions and hidden bugs left. 5 hours of debugging

You guys wanna know why I rage so much at the 🤡🤡🤡's I work with?

I shit you not, this is a ticket in our "to do" section of our Jira.

what even is ticket linking??!?!?

what even are tickets??!?!?!

or better yet.... what even the fuck is jira?!?!?! I've only been using it for over a year, give me some time to figure out how to use it!!!!!!

I don't know, maybe i'm the asshole. But at least I don't feel like a 🤡

Throughout my career I've blocked a total of three toxic clients.

They still find me via email.

Most recently, I've gotten an email simply asking "how does BitBucket work and how can I use it?"

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

Tools are just tools,
Build a house with a blueprint,
But don't use one tool to build a house.

Sincerely yours,
CompanyWhoUsesJavascriptForEverything

They gave me a file, .php, that was the entire webapp. THE ENTIRE THING IN A SINGLE FILE. It's frustrating that I have to organize this before I even start working on my tasks.

I guess its not super horrible since it's a rookie project but it's still horribly and unnecessarily time consuming.

Estimating the task. A total of... 2 months.

Other guy: I think we should squeeze it to 1 month.
Others: I think we should squeeze it in 2 weeks to meet the deadline..

Deadline: 2 weeks
Progress:25%

So apparently there was a prod issue all day today because some server app couldn't start up.

The error was caused by missing Params...

And seems everyone that got asked to look at it are pretty clueless.

I looked at the text msgs now cuz my phone wouldn't stop vibrating from notifs (yes it got that bad) and I'm thinking, of all the ppl you guys could've asked, no one reached out to me... Who well knows exactly it works, and how to fix it.

But the issue with the team is everyone works on everything but most people have no idea how the apps actually work...

Jack of all trades, master of none...

Anyways, sitting on the sidelines watching the chaos ain't too bad either....

The moment when you see "block chain" on a client's road map, but they can't tell you what that is or what they want to use it for

Being a developer is like being a mechanic at a car manufacturer. Except that everybody else in the company is completely clueless about how a car actually works and the client doesn't have a license.

So I just had this job interview with a "startup" (side note: who the fuck still calls limping companies "startups" in 2024? That is sooooo 2010s).

There was this tattooed and very pale girl (you just know the vibe), the mandatory Norse bearded tall guy and the balding, "I'm-in-my-fifties-but-I-am-not-a-square, maaan" sleasy-looking white guy in a button up shirt but no suit jacket. The whole stereotypes gang came looking for their missing nerdy Indian.

The sleasy bloke goes on and on on a looong tirade on how they're "a tech innovation academy", how they "move fast and break things" and they "run smoking hot", so that "long nights are to be expected".
So, they usual red-flagging shit.

Then they all went on a "but we're not like all those companies that look exactly like us" word salad about "sustainability and a healthy work life balance", with their "highest value" being "the utmost respect at all times". I'm nodding my head at the meaningless splurge until they fart out the sentence "for example, cussing while talking with colleagues is a fireable offence".

If some hustling enterprise rather prefers a posh working environment, one can adapt to such circumstances. Provided, of course, that said enterprise adheres to the administrative coherence expected from a culturally refined institution. Mostly by compliance, from the leadership, to a rigidly predictable working schedule.

Now, if the bloody curs want coder dogs that work assfucking hours with a shit eating grin, they better swallow our fucking sailor mouths. Fuck, I've done twenty hour shifts getting my ass kicked in dark startup fisting/rush rooms. If unable to yell at any blabbering cocksucker to go stick his fucking opinions up the bitch who crapped him, then I ain't gonna bloody be there.

TL;DR they can either have a "utmost respect" working environment XOR a "fast and hot" daily hustle.

After they crapped out that oxymoron I could barely hold myself to avoid saying "sorry, I do not partake in any of the psychedelics you must be on".
On to the next interviews!

Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:

Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”

Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”

Dev “I dunno”

Me “Are there error messages?”

Dev “yes”

Me “….would you like to share them with me?”

Dev *sends error*

Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”

Dev “yes”

Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “

Dev “…”

Me “good luck”

Dev1: "How did you wrote this code? It causes bug on production."

Me: *checks on gitlens*

"Dev1... 3 months ago"

Harsh truth:

My side SaaS project made more money in its first month (built late winter last year, MVP released after ~3 weeks of development) than the sTaRtUp I work for over its total lifetime so far (built over 3+ months, MVP released in May last year)

...is it time to rage quit?

Often I have dreams of going full-time solo dev, leaving every idiotic, clueless, fumbling clown behind, but I feel like I just don't have the financial runway to do it. However, even from just a few months in 2021 while I was on the job hunt, I created some side revenue streams which I'm still receiving decent revenues from (selling courses, saas products, minor freelancing). I'm just not 100% sure if I was "lucky" during this time period, or if a few more months going at it I'd be able to scrape my way towards a meager (though livable!) income.

Give me biased views, devRant!

“Your idea is not valuable, at all. All value is in the execution. You think you are an exception; you are not. You should not insist on an NDA to talk about it; nobody serious will engage in contract review over an idea, and this will mark you as clueless.” Patrick McKenzie

That moment when a new client asks for help with their iPad and you ask them what model it is. "It's an Insignia brand iPad," they say proudly.

Let that sink in. It's a few layers.

Then they want you to set up 2 laptops, a TV and this unknown tablet so that they can talk to each other, with an as-on-tv fake diamond ring as payment.

Let that sink in.

If you want me, I'll be hiding under the couch.

Hey, it's 2023.

If your component isn't written in TypeScript, I'm not using it :)

"TypeScript is overly complicated!!!" why, because it pointed out everything wrong in your JS code?

"TypeScript is not flexible!!!" why, because it makes you not rely on fragile "only possible in javascript" patterns?

"TypeScript isn't needed!!!" why, because you've never worked on a project with more than 100 lines of code where dependency management and clean code policies were implemented?

god just stop with the JavaScript purist BS, you aren't going to win this battle, and it's even worse because not only are you injuring everyone in the software community, you're injuring your own productivity and skillset

actually, you know what, fine. just use pure JS and HTML implementations. see you in 10 years when i'm retired and you are still running around in circles wondering why the world has left you behind

At a large enterprise-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from outside / bad actors constantly trying to break in. (🧠)

At a medium or small-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from clueless customers or users who can potentially break things for themselves. (🧠🧠)

At a sTaRtUp, you are protecting the code and product from being destroyed by the incompetent owners themselves. (🧠🧠🧠+)

That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉

My company’s upper leadership is sooo focused on the NUMBER of defects that are open on our project and only the number. We give each defect a priority of P0, P1, or P2. You would think this would help prioritize and strategize our plan to fix them. But nope. Every week we have some arbitrary “goal” to hit. A number purely made up by clueless leadership as to what makes a “quality” product.

On Friday’s, managers start harassing devs to merge their fixes and for QA to close out defects. So effectively rushing to hit that arbitrary number or else we’ll have to work Saturday.

Meanwhile they want more test automation coverage to reduce the incoming defect rate. But when the fuck do we have time to develop said tests when all you want is the defect closed to bring down your precious little number?!

They’d rather us close 25 P2 defects to bring the number down rather than 10 P0 or P1 defects. These leaders are so incompetent it kills me! Without any back story, they’re ultimately the reason we’re in this position in the first place! Argghhh!

"Since your house is just a mile to our office you need to come to the office."

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION WE ARE IN???

Do these NPC devs even read the README of a project before spewing some dumbass stackoverflow like garbage in an issue thread?

Do your damn job. Being a good software engineer is not like TiKtOk or cHaTgPt where some "magical" answer or entertainment is spoon fed to you, do your absolute best to solve it yourself first, before causing more chaos out in the opensource world.

When your boss uses random buzz words to sound as though they know what they are talking about.

BE GONE CLOWN!!!! MAY YOU BE CAST BACK UNTO THE DEPTHS FROM WHICH YOU HAVE SPRUNG!!!!!

🪄✨

👻👹👺

🤡

can't wait to be absolutely fuck you rich while the clowns continue to fumble around in the sandbox for the next 5 years 🪣⛏️😂😂😂

all those years, crouched over a laptop, learning React, then TypeScript, then PostgreSQL, then .NET, then React Hooks, then Redux Toolkit, then Golang, then GraphQL, and even RabbitMQ and gRPC mixed in... more and more and more............ IT'S TIME TO SPREAD MY WINGS AND FUCKING FLY BABY!!!!!

why work for clueless clowns when your own technical know-how is literally 1000x (or perhaps infinitely) theirs? Was I an idiot? Yes, I was! Way too nice and I bought into the hype fake idiot brain culture, but now I've finally woken up. Time to ascend to the stars by myself.

Cheers devRant, this 🤡 is finally going to transform into a 👨‍🚀🚀

You may not hear from me for a while sadly, but I'll be sure you guys get the first shoutout - see you on 🪐

"Don't worry, you're still in our group chat"

The next day...

"Your account is deactivated"

FUCK YOU

Entry level Junior Developer with experience of a Fullstack developer for a salary of an intern.
Can we add unicorns in that list?

When you are surrounded by idiots

My boss refuses to take any of recommendations for improving the companies out dated website because "our age market is 50-60" it has to be blan and simple.

Like seriously what the fuck, this is why no other generation is staying in the webpage more then 30 seconds!

So I was in an interview for a web developer position in a startup and the interviewer said to me "Do you think you'll be able to help the guys with CAD design?" I have no idea what to say. Does this guy even know what a developer is??!?!? I mean not that I dont know how to use CAD, but I'm applying as a DEVELOPER, not a product designer

I've been lurking around this place for months now and never found a reason to make an account. Well, now I just did.

I was browsing freelancer.com looking for projects and I found one. Guy wants a website for booking seats, with a shopping cart and whatever. At the end, he mentions the only restrictions are we can't use ajax and json.

I made a bid explaining that the very site he was on(the freelancer website) made more then 25 ajax requests when loading a page, and that most if not all of them were transferring data in json.

I'm wondering what do they need that many requests for, but that's already another issue.

Now I'm curious to see if he answers back

Me: *wrote a detailed resume with my responsibilities, achievements, and showcase some of my projects in each work history*

Clueless interviewer: Can you tell me more about your work history?

Me: *happily walks him through my resume*

Clueless interviewer: all good! You pass the prescreening interview. Here’s an “assessment” that will require you to record yourself in a video answering the same questions I asked you. Also please submit the .mp4 file before your initial interview tomorrow where you will answer the same questions again.

Me: …

Why these HRs and outsourcing companies love to waste the applicants time? Apparently the prescreening, initial, and video interview with these HRs are fucking different. Just let me talk to the company your representing, have them give me a technical exam and move on from there??? Jaysus

After working form home for over 18 months now, I start reprioritising things.
I relocated to Ireland almost 3 years ago and I love the people, and country.. but..
The government is a new level of incompetent, selfish (politicians) and clueless. Unlike any other EU government I’ve ever seen.
To this day I’m not allowed to leave the country to see my family. I don’t know many people here because most of them already left so that sucks.

Although my company is great, we got a new female CEO which (just my impression) feels like she gotta prove herself to the world and the company is falling apart since she took over. Seniors leaving on a weekly basis and new managers and grads get hired.

I could go back to the country I grew up in and make my 110k a year (which is a lot in Europe) and I could be close to my fam during covid shit. But I told myself to never go back there because I hate that place..

I’m seriously considering leaving the country I love to go back to the country I hate, make good money for 2-3 years and then come back.. but when thinking about going back there I could cry..

It’s fucked up but COVID makes me consider it..

If I could I would buy a cheap farm somewhere and go off grid 😅

As a student on platforms like these, hearing people talk about languages and concepts you've never heard of

Already 3/4 with PRs for Hacktoberfest 😏

This stuff brings me back to the days when software used to be fun and not driven by absolutely clueless clowns in big-wig management clowntown. 🥲

I've just realized the very root cause of the frustration of devs everywhere!

It has everything to do with the manager's thought process:

Manager: HUR DUR, ME NO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING!!! MUST BE WRONG!!! ME CREATE BUG TICKET!!!

Dev: 🤦‍♂️ ...sigh...

"Even if youre sick, you should have update your Tickets".

I did inform them that I'll be absent. I literally mean that I don't have to work for that. I don't even get to pay while updating my tickets.

I am convinced my "boss" is this clueless

Backend Dev: Sir, I think we have a problem with our code. The function does have a lot of bugs in production that we can't maintain it.

Manager: Okay Front-end. You get a new Ticket. Prevent this bug by today

Front-end: Dafuck

Sometimes, I feel sorry for my colleague.

Another startup is about to go into the drain because some clueless fucking exec prioritizes "innovation" over *actual fucking income*. If a clients ask us for something that is simple as fuck-- you're supposed to say "sure, thanks for the free money" not get your ego up in their face, and tell them to fuck off because "we don't do standard things". You're risking a hundred people's jobs and everything *I* have worked my arse off for, just so you can play at being a budget Elon Musk.

A lesson from a former UX Designer to DevOps

READ THE FUCKING JOB DESCRIPTION WHEN APPLYING FOR A JOB. COMPANIES DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT THESE JOB TITLES ARE AND JUST MAKE IT FANCY

COO Snake ousts CEO, fires founders, is generally clueless about tech and product and design and science (and basically everything this business is about) and expected me to drop everything else I do (rich, varied and fulfilling) and work full time as a slave-nerd. Some people just don’t get it.

This Book....

Before doing any systems programming you should definitely read this book... most people think they know what they are doing but in fact they are completely clueless and the worst part is you don’t realize how clueless you are... you don’t know what you don’t know nor do you know how much you really don’t know.. a most people are part of this group, including myself lol.

Computers are much more than a bunch of CPUs, buses and peripherals. (Embedded folks realize this). But this goes beyond embedded this is a systems book, on architecture of computers in general.

Learning only java and the java/C# python and the others SDK/Api and spending your life with horse blinders for what’s going on below only sets you up for failure in the future, and when you that point it’s gonna be a shocker. Could be tomorrow could be 20 years from now, but most people with those horseblinders get to that point and have that “experience” no avoiding the inevitable lol.

I really enjoyed this book in their quantitative approach to teaching the subject. Especially understanding parallelism and multi core systems.

what an absolute condescending garbage post...

"brilliant coder who can't meet a deadline"? well, you're the idiot right there, you just admitted it - they are brilliant and you don't know how to set deadlines

imagine labeling someone who can't meet a workload DIFFICULT! god this is making me fucking fume

"normal management" - yeah this is normal management alright, treating everyone like they don't know what they are doing and expecting them to follow you blindly, sounds pretty normal to me

it's shit like this that leads to cocky ass young dumb managers who actually don't know shit about building a product themselves, but then turn around and think they instead have the ability to manage a team to do it... incredible

Was helping my dad with his Arduino project when I realized something beautiful about being a programmer.

I have never worked with Arduinos and I'm clueless about hardware stuff but I was still able to debug, go through documentation, example code and fix the issues.

Programming is equally about the passion, dedication and ability + curiosity to solve a new problem as is writing some piece of quality code.

I might have taken a while to realize it but it sure is a wonderful feeling.

sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.

yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...

project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)

project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!

...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?

its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...

tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.

I got an email from a seemingly random gmail address with 'essential!' written in the title.

Turns out that this was my university trying to contact me. They expect me to send my full name, university and other personal information directly over a Google survey in an email from an address I don't recognise with an unprofessional subject.

Safe to say, I didn't fill that one in.

This book be like

Friend: Can you explain this?
I(clueless): Sure ...

When I just spent 45 minutes ripping my code apart clueless why something so simple won't work, just to find out that the problem is spelling event.keyCode as event.keycode.. maybe don't code while tired at 1am rookie. Complete moron over here

Sent a fully constructed sql statement to someone expecting at least 4 rows however received reply "the result is empty" with a screenshot of empty result set from sql-developer. I kept cross-checking the where clause thinking I mixed something up.

After a few back and forth emails suddenly noticed the screenshot I received initially and I see all of the strings in where clause are lowercase. I reference my version and it is correct. When I asked her why are the strings in sql lowercase and that if she has tried the exact sql I sent in the email, the response "I didn't think it mattered what case the sql was in".

I am lost for words. The worse part is, this is someone who is supposed to go on site as part of their job and help clients setup, explain and train how the software works. This includes explaining how software intreacts with database tables 🤐

a lot of devs just don't have the first clue of what they are doing

they haven't put in the work

they'll blame absolutely everything else (language, framework, pattern, etc.) instead of actually putting in the work and making it easier for themselves

sad

Project Manager: I want you to work faster and make the performance faster. No excuses

Specs: potato pc

Managerspeak: The search bar should follow the scrolling

Devspeak: You're an idiot

Ranting after many light years (oops that's a unit of distance)

Damn Damn Damn.

There is complex workflow engine, and the only thing I know is once you fix and get success response from method A(), call method B().

After 2 days and nights effort, method A() is fixed and I am getting success response.

Now, when I pass this response to B()

One data is missing and hence failing.

Where the hell is that data getting kicked out...

I am in a dead end. I don't even know where to look.
Pinged engineers for help but all in vain till now.

Working on one of world's largest system, and I am miserable in debugging with this system.

And the worst part is there is nothing that I can turn off and on so that it works.

(Don't blame me. I am not that dumb. I just started using it since 3 days)

Product owner (who is also the application administrator): please build feature to allow administrators to create automatic alerts to be sent to application users

Me: ok
Feature gets built, tested and deployed to production

Two months later:
PO: I've noticed in our monitoring tool that there haven't been any alerts sent out to users. What's going on??

Me: well have you created any automatic alerts?

PO: umm, no. How do we do that?

Me (inside): 🤦

"What are the four pillars of OOP?"

Me:(I'm not an OOP guy, but focused on design patterns)

1. Encapsulation
2. Abstraction
3. Polymorphism
4. ??(was it inheritance or composition).

Fuck, Because of the phrase "composition over inheritance". I've been mixing both composition and inheritance at the same time.

When your customers don't even know how to sign in using password and email.

Forgot it was 1950.

And the time has come, my gf and I are just a month away from deploying yet we still call the project "project".

Usually solutions jump in my head when programming at least once a day but I can't name the damn thing for the love of God! It's the first night since we started development I have felt clueless.

Plus I don't want to be "that guy" that just gives it a generic name, like there's already a "ratemyprofessors", professor this, teacher that, fuck that shit!

I'm brain dead.

Been working a year and a half on an offer for a client to plan their new system. Today they wanted us to construct the whole system and call it a beta only to pay 10% of the total costs. They said it is our responsibility to make the budget work as they are merely the "end users and not tech people". I am considering to tell them to go f**k themselves tomorrow.

I know this guy through some mutual friends that tries to brag about everything he does that involves a computer in some way.

One time (probably 4 months ago), he used inspect element to replace the text on the Google homepage with like Amazon versions (Amazon mail, Amazon drive, etc), then proceeded to take a picture of the screen WITH HIS PHONE and show every single person he saw.

Every time I talk to him, he always brings up some pointless thing he did to make it seem like he knows what he's doing. But whenever I mention some more specific stuff (today I mentioned Linux), he claims to know exactly what I'm talking about but quickly changes the subject to something about his car (he drives a Jeep and has to let everyone know, like an Arch Linux user)

Dude just claims to know everything there is to know and can't back it up and it gets more annoying every fucking day

Anyone else ever have to deal with someone that clearly don't know a ton, but knows just enough to be dangerous/annoying as fuck?

Great (but clueless) client. I went to a meeting with the client to discuss a way forward for his website revamp. First off he showed me his idea, which was a visual of the Windows desktop, with folders for different sections of the website, click on a folder and it opens revealing the different website pages. It went on basically describing how windows works. When he'd finished I said, with a cheeky smile, "that must be one of the fucking shityest ideas I've ever heard". We both started laughing.

Before Dev rant clueless about how to create a app that shows 360view of a car, and change the content when different Color is clicked

After basic idea from Dev rant
Finally able to figure it out and built it in 2 days. Honestly got lot of irritation at first, because have to learn everything from scratch and lots of errors.

Been getting a lot of troll / clown / clueless (?) comments on my posts recently. Select favorites include:

"Why do you have a login form on your website?" wut
"Why didn't you throw away that API key?" wut
"Why do you even need to access your apps' servers?" wut

There are just SO many amazing devs here who have NEVER had do any of those things, I'm quite literally an idiot and don't know what I'm doing, sorry for my ignorance. I'd forgotten that there is only exactly one way to build software, I wish I'd done it "that" way sooner! Foolish me.

Really not sure if trolls, clowns, or clueless. Don't care. 🤡🤡🤡

My Teacher wouldn't understand the responsiveness of UI I designed and gave me 10pts for that.

I was told that my design is too unrealistic and idealistic for it to implement..
I used some css framework(to reduce the amount of work to be done) and javascript.

My dream is to become a web developer and make Desktop application with a use of ElectronJS(Currently devRantron is using).

One last thing... FUCK YOU, FOR GIVING ME A LOW SCORE FOR MY DESIGN.

I made a README.md to a bitbucket repo that when a new dev comes in, he/she can refer to the documentation.

After a few hours....

"how do you run this application" 😩

I always read the full job description whenever there's a job hiring.

I have a keen eye in some job description that this company is a red flag.

"Must have 4 years of experience in Blazor or other related web development"

"Be a multitasker"
"Must have experience in frontend web development using Figma or other prototyping tools"

Guys should I quit my CURRENT job ? I feel like I should find another job because of the following reasons

a. I suck. I know I can't complete the task given. The task given is to build a trading bot. I can't complete it because of my incompetent trading knowledge and i find it difficult to understand trading logic and I tried my level best even paying someone to private tutor me but the tuition fees are too high and I still don't understand. Btw I am from a web development background

b. It has been 3 months in this company. I feel like I am not doing anything. I feel like a loser who has been eating free salary without contributing anything. Sure I have managed to write few strategies on pinescript.

c. I dread everyday to even do anything. I use to feel accomplished in my previous job. Nowadays I cant hope to feel like a complete idiot.

d. I don't have the motivation or fire that I use to have when I was a web developer. I just hate looking at code nowadays.

e. Algo Trading is too difficult for me. I don't feel like I am progressing anywhere.

f. Nobody in my company knows how to build a bot or have any knowledge on this.

g. Python dataframes , plots, charts bores me to death and I am really no interested to even look at it.

I am just so frustrated as I am typing this and I am becoming tired and exhausted to go to work everyday because everyday I am so clueless on what to do. You need at least some idea where to go to but I don't. Everyday I feel like a complete clueless moron.

Big Enough - Dart Language

If it weren't for poor documentation I'd be retired by now.

We didn't all write your library. In fact, only you did. So, some helpful documentation would really help us all out. Can't believe the number of times I need to read source code to figure out what the hell you are doing.

A "partner" company has created a "REST" API we use on an online shop we developed to send all shop-related requests to.
At least once a month, something fails on their end and the customer calls us every time, expecting that we did something wrong, but it has never been us.
These "partners" do exactly zero testing, are extremely slow in solving API bugs, have almost no logging and have no monitoring on the API at all.
Today at noon, suddenly no customers were able to order anything anymore for 4 hours.

How the fuck can you run a business so unbelievably brainless that this keeps repeating monthly?
Time they fire all their "devs" and everyone in charge of the company and operations. TERMINATE.

Why would I waste my time watching tutorials for company rules if I can just watch it during work.

Coding is fun, Development is the opposite

"We'll reach you out soon"

This is a sign you got rejected without hurting you.

"How do you see yourself few years from now?"
Is a sign that your employer would end your contract or you get to be terminated if you say that you will not be in their company.

"What's your expected salary?"
If you went overboard, they won't accept you. You either lower it or never give a fixed salary.

God why did no one tell me about these sooner. I'm facing mind-reading interviewer/recruiter/hr just to please them.

Rolled out a new application I built almost entirely by myself 2 days ago... But my dev group is understaffed and has a project manager who is literally the most clueless person I have ever met, so as a result, we don't have a functional/useful dev/test/prod framework and no standards for how to deploy apps. So my past 2 days were comprised of fixing bugs in the live system that could probably have been caught if I had the time and resources to get everything thoroughly tested. It's stable now, but damn our management for being generally idiots. Our motto appears to be "Fuck it, we'll do it live"

How does it feel to be excluded from your team even though you've worked so hard to finish the project.

Then there's this guy that doesn't do anything, still gets the glory.

well... I decided to build my own network for my home lab and then I head out to go shopping.

I went for a router and I told this guy what I wanted

a good router that could allow me access the internet when I want over my phones hotspot or supports USB tethering.

guess what? this blessed guy sells me a router locked to optus. I saw the "yes optus" tag but I was so fucking stupid and clueless.

why? I was just too fucking stupid to trust a fellow Nigerian by telling him I have no idea of networking and how routers work.

the router ? netgear n300 dgn2200

did it have the features I wanted at least ? no

he refused to collect it back and I sold something very dear to me to be able to buy that crap. I thought I could solve all my networking issues at once.

fuck these people, bad government bad people.

I'm done crying over it though.

any ideas on how to go around this?

I've been looking and looking for the past two days, for a less destructive option.

Binary posts, binary posts everywhere

"Wow, you knows how to hack the system"

Me: Well... I was one of the creators of that system...

Me inside: Please don't use localStorage ever again

Here I am for three months trying to implement TypeScript in this project that was a dump when I picked it up.
And then some morons get assigned to the project and just start adding @ts-nocheck everywhere?
Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

And then you wonder why the project is bug-ridden??
FUCK THESE PEOPLE THAT CALL THEMSELVES JAVASCRIPT ENGINEERS!! NO WONDER JS GETS SUCH BAD PRESS WITH ALL THESE CLUELESS IDIOTS TO WHOM STATIC TYPING IS JUST AN OBSTACLE TO THEM CHURNING OUT LINE AFTER LINE OF "CODE"

Man, some days, these fucking managers just make me want to get fucking drunk...

clueless questions, annoying fucking fake priority shit immediately asking for this and that with absolutely no planning or thinking ahead

its really like guiding kids through kindergarten some days

i want to bring some seriousness and structure to this company but some days.... man, i just am done with it

Why is it so difficult to copy paste in an editor which is considered as one of the most sophisticated editor ? I use VIM for almost everything except for copy pasting . All those internal buffer ..external buffer things are complicating things..

And the sad part is ..once i was editing a bash script using sublime ..I pressed escape :wq .. and tried executing that for a long time .. I was clueless for sometime after which i realised i didnt save the document..

If at all VIM had easy ways to copy paste..😥

So I work in a startup where all my co-workers are 6-7 years elder to me. There is this guy who keeps asking me how is my work going.

I tell him, he gives me a weird clueless look and leaves.

I wonder why he even asks me everytime if he is least bothered about what I do. I see all others minding their own business and busy coding. But this guy is one whom I have always seen jobless.

So now I have decided that next time he asks me I will tell any random shit to him to see if what I have been telling was always shit to him .

Front end developer is still getting a ticket even though the security flaw lies in the back-end.

Today, every click of the UI has an overlay of circular progress indicator indicates that there will be a synchronous actions in an asynchronous requests.

1 click = 1 loading state

New normal. New app to build.

- Still have to maintain older systems in parallel
- That leaves 1 week for developing the new app
- Slept 2 hours a day, coding coding coding
- Tested the shit out of the app because.. hey, its to help the customers' safety and health... I don't mind staying up late
- Finished the app in 5 days, code is now on prod
- Could barely look myself at the mirror because I look like shit
- Btw the app requires an external device as an input, the existing device works flawlessly based on my testing
- We need more devices
- Clueless manager bought new model instead. He assumed everything is fine, no testing is required
- Tested the app with new device model, doesn't work
- Deadline closing in
- Thanks, there goes my sleep
- THANK YOU

Struggling

Started a new job not super long ago with the intention of "learning new tech" and so I get my wish, I'm thrown into a project as the LEAD ENGINEER

And my junior dev proceeds to run circles around me and I know literally nothing about what is going on in this project aside from the architectural / feature planning discussions I've had with marketing/junior

I've been trying to learn vuejs for what seems like weeks and weeks and I'm just not "getting it" I come from a strong oop php background and this paradigm is using tons of tech I know basically nothing about. Every time I talk to junior I get super depressed cause he's speeding along and I'm still completely clueless.. what the FUCK do I do

I am scratching my head since 2 days cause a rather large Dockerfile doesn't work as expected.

CMD Execution just leads to "File not found".

Thanks, that's as useless as one ply toilet paper...

Whoever wrote the Dockerfile (not me…) should get an oscar...

Even in diarrhea after eating the good one day old extra hot china takeout from dubious sources I couldn't produce such a dumpster fire of bullshit.

The worst: The author thought layering helps - except it doesn't really, as it's a giant file with roughly 14 layers If I count correctly.

I just found out the problem...

The author thought it would be great to add the source files of the node project that should be built as a volume to docker... Which would work I guess....

Except that the author is a clueless chimp who thought at the same time seemingly that folder organization means to just pour everything into one folder....

Yeah. That fucker just shoved everything into one folder.

Yeeeeeesssssssss.

It looks like this:
source
docker-compose.mounts.yml
docker-compose.services.yml
docker-compose.yml
Dockerfile-development
Dockerfile-production
Dockerfile
several bash scripts
several TS / JS / config files
...

If you read the above.... Yes.
He went so far to copy the large Dockerfile 3 times to add development and production specific overrides.

I can only repeat what I said many times before: If you don't like doing stuff, ask for fucking help you moron.

-.-

*gooozfraba*

Anyways...

He directly mounts this source directory as a volume.

And then executes a shell script from this directory...

And before that shit was copied in the large gooozfraba Dockerfile into the volume.

Yeeeaaah.

We copy stuff inside the container, then we just mount on start the whole folder and overwrite the copied stuff.

*rolls eyes* which is completely obvious in this pit latrine of YML fuckery called Dockerfile.

As soon as I moved the start script outside the folder and don't have it running inside the folder that is mounted via volume, everything works.

Yeah.... Maybe one should seperate deployment from source files, runtime related stuff from build stuff.

*rolls eyes*

I really hate Docker sometimes. This is stuff that breaks easily for reasons, but you cannot see it unless you really grind your teeth and start manually tracing and debugging what the frigging fuck the maniac called author produced.

I never understood people complaining about their managers until I got a new one and started to ask the most clueless things.

About one week in my new entry level job and I feel completely clueless and useless. This is my first professional environment. Is this a normal feeling? What was your first programming job experience like?

some guy asked me to look at his react project,

I'm yet to find out the problem with his routing but look at this dependency list.

for a simple frontend project, I really dont know how many lazy developers are being introduced into the javascript ecosystem,

might seem normal to others but it feels wrong to me, as a beginner developer who isnt even dealing with a deadline

or......... maybe they are just plain clueless that they dont realize this level of redundancy

Debug in microsoft word document

I'm not here to underestimate the design of a government app on Android.

I hope the developer considered the UI itself as user-friendly and not the default button from android studio. he just simply copies the contents(text & images) from the government web page and paste it to its application.

He/she got paid well to make that app. well, although the information is correct for the users.

It's not much that users are even enthusiastic of the design. they simply read the guidelines inside the app and no more fancy animation.

"Why are you sometimes late?"

Because your promised office was always late. Had to commute 2 hours and work for almost 10 hours in weekdays just to sleep for 4 hours.

You said that the new Office will be in August. Now it's October and it's still half-baked.

Learn Empathy first

They call Python, C, Java, Ruby, and stuff like that programming 'LANGUAGES' for a reason. I just wrote a Python dictionary literal in my C# code and was clueless as to why it was failing to compile for five minutes straight. Maybe that was because I was working with Python like 30 minutes ago.
It's like I have to have one 'brain' per one language and need to switch between such 'brains' to write code in another language. And such switches take time.

"We're gonna use React Native for our project."

Me:"If that's your decision, then I would decline your offer."

After few weeks...

"Are you vacant for this kind of job? We'll be switching to Flutter".

----
I don't know what happened. I worked for him as a freelancer using VueJS for their project. and he insisted to use React Native to make that web into mobile. I declined his offer. Now he wants to work with me again using Flutter.

Once again, I urge you all to read any LLM threads on hackernews... its funny seeing tech bros debate things they clearly don't understand

it also wouldnt hurt for them to read perhaps just one philosophy book, since they are attempting to argue about what conciousness actually is (still an open question anyway) so ultimately, what i am trying to say is, these stupid threads end up being a bunch of hot air being blown around that doesnt really accomplish anything

i will say it is funny though how close some of these tech bros think we are to AGI with these LLMs 😂

imagine thinking a text generator is nearly general intelligence = clueless

Started a new job, then I found out that the salary of the person in charge of me has lower/same as I have.

How did I know? I looked at the API without authentication of all the list of employees.

Luckily, I didn't sign the contract yet

I work for an investment wank. Worked for a few. The classic setup - it's like something out of a museum, and they HATE engineers. You are only of value if work on the trade floor close to the money.

They treat software engineering like it's data entry. For the local roles they demand x number of years experience, but almost all roles are outsourced, and they take literally ANYONE the agency offers. Most of them can't even write a for loop. They don't know what recursion is.

If you put in a tech test, the agency cries to a PMO, who calls you a bully, and hires the clueless intern. An intern or two is great, if they have passion, but you don't want a whole department staffed by interns, especially ones who make clear they only took this job for the money. Literally takes 100 people to change a lightbulb. More meetings and bullshit than development.

The Head of Engineering worked with Cobol, can't write code, has no idea what anyone does, hates Agile, hates JIRA. Clueless, bitter, insecure dinosaur. In no position to know who to hire or what developers should be doing. Randomly deletes tickets and epics from JIRA in spite, then screams about deadlines.

Testing is the same in all 3 environments - Dev, SIT, and UAT. They have literally deployment instructions they run in all 3 - that is their "testing". The Head of Engineering doesn't believe test automation is possible.

They literally don't have architects. Literally no form of technical leadership whatsoever. Just screaming PMOs and lots of intern devs.

PMO full of lots of BAs refuses to use JIRA. Doesn't think it is its job to talk to the clients. Does nothing really except demands 2 hour phone calls every day which ALL developers and testers must attend to get shouted at. No screenshare. Just pure chaos. No system. Not Agile. Not Waterfall. Just spam the shit out of you, literally 2,000 emails a day, then scream if one task was missed.

Developers, PMO, everyone spends ALL day in Zoom. Zoom call after call. Almost no code is ever written. Whatever code is written is so bad. No design patterns. Hardcoded to death. Then when a new feature comes in that should take the day, it takes these unskilled devs 6 months, with PMO screaming like a banshee, demanding literally 12 hours days and weekends.

Everything on spreadsheets. Every JIRA ticket is copy pasted to Excel and emailed around, though Excel can do this.

The DevOps team doesn't know how to use Jenkins or GitHub.

You are not allowed to use NoSQL database because it is high risk.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

So we started a new Unity video game project for mobile in June 2021. Hooray!

Being a mobile project, one of the earliest things we think about is scaling the interface across all sorts of device screen resolutions and aspect ratios, right? Well, to preemptively solve this problem early on, I decided to letterbox the game view - just choose one aspect ratio for the game and pad black bars to the sides of the screen. Simple, solves the game's world space problem without trying too hard, and it automatically adapts to Android's split-screen mode.

I showed the early builds to management as well as game design team and they gave me some general nods. Sounds like green light ahead. I spent the next few months building the game logic and scale the UI around a consistent letterboxed game view. If you had experience scaling Unity UI to a letterboxed area, you should already knew that it takes a whole paradigm of its own that's kinda hard to break out of, but the fact that it stays consistent across all screen aspect ratios is so worth it. Regardless, the biggeer benefit of letterboxing is simpler world space setup. You don't worry about whether this particular area will be overflowed horizontally or vertically in a particular device or not. You have a 9:16 window to view the world through, nothing needs to move at runtime and that's about it.

Fast-forward to early September 2021 and 40+ builds later, the GD started having concern that the playing area is not filling up his phone screen and that the letterboxes are bothering him. He wants to get rid of the letterboxes and wants the game world as well as UI to fill up his screen.

Yes. After 40+ builds, for all of which the letterbox was present, nobody in the project raised a concern about the letterbox. It's only NOW that they all of the sudden side with the GD and demand the removal of the letterbox. I feel like almost half of my effort on this game has been wasted. These clueless guys didn't spend one second looking at the early builds thinking of the possibility that the black bars at the top and bottom of their phone screens (which I repeat: has been around since the very first build) is gonna bother them? Somebody must be playing a cruel joke at this company. They had all the chances to bring this up as a potential issue and TODAY is the first time I hear of it.

See, designers. You waste our time and your time by doing this kind of thing. Please raise your issues early. Complain to us ASAP. If you wait for so long before raising an issue that has been in-your-face the whole time, I can't fault any developer for assuming you're trying to play a long prank. I can tell designers right now: it's not funny.

Today, I got some crap on my desk with possible bug reports from the field. They have been lingering somewhere for fucking MONTHS, and suddenly, an immediate answer was due. I was the unlucky one who was the least clueless about the product involved. SHIT.

OK, sifted through the reports. Some of them were duplicate, others obviously not our problem. No idea where to even start for the rest. FUCK, it's Friday!

But here comes "senior dev secret knowledge"(tm). Instead of saying WTF-IDK, I proposed an "action plan"(tm) (that BS term alone...) detailing the steps that we would need to take, and since I had no idea how long we would need, I just added enough steps in the "action plan"(tm) to make two weeks of investigation believable.

PM was very happy and just took that as direct customer reply. Now it's weekend anyway. :-)

I got my job by applying on Indeed. I know! Crazy, right? You apply for it and you get it. Pretty much never happens with these job sites because of crappy recruiters and clueless HR drones who tend to post and forget. I must’ve hit the luck lottery that day.

Sometimes I wish I could clone myself 3 times and start a company. Not that I think that I'm that smart, I'm fucking clueless most of the time. But because it's so hard to find people who freaking READ THE DOC!

"Ok guys, since we don't have money left and I have no funds to pay the bills, Let's just do a "work from home" policy"

What the fuck

10 hours later...

"FINALLY, I'M DONE SETTING UP TYPESCRIPT CONFIGURATION"

I was heavily inspired by typescript syntax, but the configuration is as complicated as webpack. Damn you frameworks

Had to use the pfsense's url in my Default Gateway which is 172.0.1.1 from our school.

Before was:
Youtube-blocked
Facebook-blocked
#anime tags -blocked
#porn tags - blocked
up to 100kbps download speed
After:
All uncensored Websites!
1Mbps download speed

Unfortunately the Network Admin found my IP and slowed down my download speed. I can search R-18 links but I don't want to be caught in his SquidProxy log. so I'm still lucky to browse my animu website.

Help me out,

Being a front end dev I suck at back end. I can do some stuff but some of the concepts and other things I really struggle to grasp.

Sometimes when I’m real clueless or have no idea how to do a task the best thing to do is ask one of the senior roles but whenever I ask him he rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs. I get it dev is quite a independent thing and you should do research etc. But it makes me feel so bad and I suck as if I don’t get the question he asked correct or I don’t understand he gets real impatient. I really do try I don’t want people to do it for me of course so I want to to understand but I just get moaned at. What do I do???

you know, i've got 5K+ in cash savings before i would even need to dip into "long term" retirement funds

and other than the food and the drink, i don't spend anything (can scrape by on 1-2K per month)

so fuck it, i'm going to enjoy the amazing weather that is everywhere in europe right now

if companies are going to be assholes, i am too

because in the long run i know my skills and vast competances are valuable

companies can hire the cheap clueless scrub in the shortrun

but i know i'll win in the long run when they realize who they are trying to hire does not exist

what's even one year of being unemployed against a lifetime of opportunity and projects? nothing.

Those who had the "pleasure" of working directly with clients know a thing or two about how a clumsy communication can have grave consequences.

Software developer and an Imgur user BackDoorNoBaby shed some light on these humorous situations and misunderstandings that often occur with clueless clients. Because we all have our niche interests and specializations, and it’s easy to sneer at the plebs who just don’t get it. To be fair though, dealing with unrealistic demands by clients who have no real understanding of what you do must get pretty frustrating at times, and if you work in IT, you’ll surely have come across at least one of these situations before.

What we have here are the daily trials and tribulations of an IT worker. Clients that read the latest trends in a tech magazine and want it right now. Business people who think that because they have the money, solutions should magically materialize. Clients that complain about something not functioning properly, when they clearly don't have a clue how to use it properly. We all know this kind of clients, and these kind of 'horror' stories are part of what makes working in IT so special. Sometimes humour is the only suitable response.

Teach things properly, most teachers are confused and they start throwing keywords at even more confused students who then have no clue what they are doing and they then ask me to do their work for them showing me their unindented(well... kinda, they all seem to fight with the IDE, which is trying to properly indent their mess, for some reason), teachers think that Turbo Pascal is the way of life and that it is used everywhere(one teacher tried to tell me that Pascal is used in the stock market and in modern operating systems - U wot m8?! how high are you right now) and they don't teach user input sanitization and type checking, they stare at you like you are the fucking satan when you dare to use objects, collections and abstraction because they are scared to death of that stuff... and then they think 60 minutes is enough to teach HTML, CSS, JS and PHP in one go(which they even don't know properly - the teacher that made and maintains the school's website is probably stuck in 1998 judging by the design and functionality of the website and his clothes) and they then send absolutely clueless students to compete in a web design competition (and then they get angry at the judges for giving the students 0 points)

In Linux Mint 19 TINA. All I did was

"sudo apt-get remove python"

then, I saw cinnamon being removed in the terminal. Why is linux so dependent on python that much?

So, I fixed this shitty code, real shitty, inlined some shit and shaved off some other shit and it was fixed...

The reviewer says we'd better request a review from the dude that's actually responsible for that piece of shit code - what the fuck...

Here comes this bossy fucker saying they don't really understand that shit so they don't know for sure if there could be a better way...

Me, ignorant as always, popped a vessel figuring out a cleaner way.

I tell those sick fucks that we'd need to change some shit over at another repository, also maintained by the latter turd.

The latter turd says they like my second suggestion better, to which I reply,

'ok, I agree.'

In my mind that pull was done, should be closed and water under the bridge but oh how clueless I was...

SIX FUCKING MONTHS later the same shitbag pops out of god knows where asking if I still wanted to work on the pull....

"Motherfucker, my pull was for this fucking code, not for doing work on the other, obviously I'm not interested in doing that or else I would've opened a pull there instead of here, dumb-dumb" - I thought

Thou what I said was:

"No, I don't. I agree it's a problem better solved at the other repository."

Maybe I was a bit mean, was I? I don't know, honestly, people confuse me

First post here...Here's a funny thing that happened to me yesterday. I'm with my friend, we're both taking a break from school, and he comes up to me and mentions how he wants to make 3d games. Conversation goes a bit like this:

Friend: "Hey, I found this 3d model website. I'm thinking of using it for my 3d game."

He was already making a 2d game at this point, so I assumed he just gave up on it.

Me: "Well...do you have Unity?"

Friend: "Yes."

Me: "Well if you're going to make a game on there [stuff about c#]"

Friend insists he can easily make this. I tell him it would take years on end to learn C# and make a good game with it. And then he says something I never wanted to hear.

Friend: "Actually, no. You ever heard of Dani? D-A-N-I? He made a game in 2 weeks. He's actually making a new game and you should wishlist it on steam blah blah yatta yatta."

This guy believed someone else who was previously a game developer (if i recall) learned an entire programming language and engine in two weeks. He could've, but to me that seems seriously outrageous to someone who doesn't even know a smidge of programming.

He then advertised his YouTube channel and his games and brought down my arguments like "he probably had previous knowledge" completely. This guy doesn't even know where to start with C#. Really, all I could do after that was mention three.js (oh wow another JavaScript library, exciting), show him a game Google made with said library, and then said good luck...

Worst thing is, he uses Scratch to make games. And he genuinely thinks that is a real programming language.

That's it for my first post, thank you very much for reading :)

I applied for an unknown job.

Email: you'll be taking Junior Developer

Interviewer: We need fullstack developer with a salary of $100 for two months of training and $450 if you have great accomplishments

I need to vent or I'm going to fucking explode like a car filled with bombs in motherfucking Iraq...

A couple of months ago I inherited a project in development from our team leader who was the sole developer on it and he was the one who designed every single thing in it.

I was told the project is clean, follows design patterns, and over all the code is readable and easy.

Those were all fucking lies.

See throughout the period he was working on it, I saw some of the code as it was going through some pull requests. I remember asking the dev why he doesn't comment his code? His response was the most fucking condescending shit I've ever heard: "My code is self-documenting"...

Now that I have full control over the code base I realize that he over engineered the shit out of it. If you can think of a software design pattern, it is fucking there. I'm basically looking at what amounts to a personal space given to that dev to experiment with all kind of shit.

Shit is way too over engineered that I'm not only struggling to understand what the hell is going on or how the data flows from the database to the UI and in reverse, I'm now asked to finish the remaining part and release it in 8 weeks.

Everything is done in the most complicated way possible and with no benefits added at all.

Never in my career have I ever had to drag my sorry ass out of bed to work because I always woke up excited to go to work... well except for the last 2 weeks. This project is now taking a mental toll and is borderline driving me crazy.

Oh, did i tell you that since he was the only dev with no accountability whatsoever, we DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT IS LEFT TO BE IMPLEMENTED?

The Project Manager is clueless.. the tickets board is not a source of truth because tickets set to resolved or complete were actually not even close to complete. FUCK THIS SHIT.

For the last week I've been working on 1 single fucking task. JUST 1. The whole code base is a mine field. Everything is done in the most complicated way and it is impossible for me to do anything without either breaking shit ton of other features (Loosely coupled my ass) or getting into fights with all the fucking libraries he decided to use and abuse.

1 whole week and I can't even get the task done. Everyday I have to tell the project manager, face to face, that I'm still struggling with this or that. It's true, but i think the project manager now thinks i am incompetent or just lazy and making excuses.

Maybe I'm not smart enough to understand the what and why behind every decision he made with this code. But I'm sick to my stomach now thinking that I have to deal with this tomorrow again.

I don't know if I'll make the deadline. But I'm really worried that when this is released, I'll be the one maintaining that nightmare of a code base.

From now on, if i hear a fucking developer say their code is "self-documenting" I will shove my dick + a dragon dildo + an entire razor gaming keyboard up their ass while I shoot their fucking knees off.

oh... and there are just a couple of pages of documentation... AND THEY ARE NOT COMPLETE.

!dev
fuck call of duty and activision. I finally had time to play with my friends when suddenly I had to download a 56 GB update. Why the fuck does every update have to be big? Then after that monstrous update, if you want to play multiplayer, you still need an additional 22 GB for a multiplayer pack which you already have. This has to be the most clueless company out there. I should have uninstalled this game a long time ago.

So my team got this new clueless "Delivery manager" who doesn't know ANYTHING ABOUT AGILE!
Her favourite timepass ? To eat development team's time asking stupid questions just to make her presence felt. And she does that by visiting each developer personally. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY !
Why can't you leave the team and let them do some actual work??😑

She would join our scrum meetings to ask questions like "what are story points again?", "How do we calculate team velocity?"
Dear miss Clueless: It's not cool to be dumb! It's cool to take up an online agile crash course if you insist to contribute.

The other day, she suggested a QA guy to "test properly" with a smirk!
I mean seriously ? Was that actually necessary to tell them? This team was working just perfect without you. How about you look before you leap?
I try being nice to her but at times it's just too much to take.

Being the only developer in your circle of non-tech friends is weird 😕.
And why are most female programmers not appealing 🤦‍♂️.
The beautiful ones are usually clueless and can't get into a ”deep programming concept ”conversation.
I guess I can't eat my cake and have it at a time.

There will always be times when you will need to understand/modify horribly written code, or have to work with a fellow "programmer" who is clueless about what programming actually is.

In such situations, not losing your cool is a necessary evil.

Supervisor: "You could just hold a meeting for 5 minutes and talk about what problems you encountered during development"

Or... you could just go home and not waste your 5 minutes talking about jerking people off.