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Storytime!
Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...
Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...
Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)
Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?
Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!
Dev: 🤦♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)
Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...
Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!
Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!
Long story short:
The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.
WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.
JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.
Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷♂️
Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎
Cheers!10 -
Manager: our file IO is slow, any suggestions to make it faster?
Code: multithread writing to a few hundred small (temp) files then single thread combine to one big file and delete the temp files.
Eyes: bleeding31 -
!rant Pulled an accidental all-nighter on Friday because I started crocheting a blanket for the cats and lost track of time. I am becoming a crocheting fiend!
12 -
Micromanager: “@Root, you need to do <thing>! It’s important, and very unprofessional if you don’t. Bad things can happen if you don’t do the thing. You need to get into the habit of doing the thing.”
@Root: Already does the thing.
Micromanager’s boss: Doesn’t do the thing.
Micromanager: Doesn’t do the thing.
Team: Doesn’t do the thing.
Micromanager: “You need to work on your reputation, @Root!”16 -
Ok you fucks that don't believe in documentation - me included.
Document your shit, because one day, one day some dumb fuck is going to have to recreate your over engineered bullshit of a system and scale it up.
What would fucking be useful right now is ANY god forsaken insight into what in the flying fuck your code is doing, or not doing, or why it makes queries to a database with no fucking records in it 🤦♂️ and then attempts to use that data... in case it did exist.
There's nothing like unpicking a mess of bullshit, and documenting it, and then have to remake it on a new platform.
Documention saves lives kids, maybe your own life one day😬16 -
I am working on my passion project, on my own vacation days because my advisor did not approve it and I can't take no for an answer.
But I had 3 amazing days working with my friend and research partner, full of stupid bugs, moody hardware and a lot of nutella-covered food.
I think I am going to document some of the progress on Twitter, because it supports uploading videos. If anyone is interested in failing robots, I can share the link/handle :)
10 -
Should I be afraid right now?
Dev: can I swap out an existing UI framework from this codebase for a completely different one, because it doesn't do the small enhancement I've been tasked to do?
Me: ...............
please lord, give me strength in these pressing times.6 -
Like "Why is Facebook webpage running so slow" (I think cuz of all the tracking stuff, and they are having trouble on my Linux machine). But I gave it a naive duck-duck and found this brilliant tip to "Reinstall JavaScript" to improve that performance. I'm just so speechless rn... And the cherry on the ice-cream is the link :D
13 -
Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant
FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
The code is a freaking mess. Shared behavior, terrible variable/method naming, misleading module naming, dynamic polymorphic spaghetti, whitespace errors, no consistency, confusing even if you understand what the code is doing, ... . It should never have passed code review. It probably wasn't code reviewed.
The comments are sparse and useless. Quality level: // This is bridge.
The documentation does not exist.
Testing steps for QA are missing several steps, including setup, so actually using the feature is bloody challenging. If one thing is wrong, the feature just doesn't show up (and ofc won't tell you why).
The specs for the feature are outdated and cover only 4 of 19+ cases. And are neigh useless for those 4.
The specs for the report I'm fixing don't even check the data on the report; it just checks for one bit of data on each row it creates -- a name -- which is also the same on each row. gg.
The object factories (for specs) are a mess, and often create objects indirectly, or in backwards order with odd post-create overwriting to make things work. Following the factories is a major chore, let alone fixing or extending them.
The new type has practically zero test coverage.
The factory for the new type also only creates one variant -- and does so incorrectly.
And to top it all off: the guy who wrote the feature barely ever responds. If he does, he uses fewer words than my bird knows, then stops responding. I've yet to get a useful answer out of him. (and he apparently communicates just fine, according to my micromanager.)
But "it's just fixing a report; it'll be easy!"
Oh, fuck off.8 -
$work is migrating to a new HR performance review service (15five). Instead of a private (ish) review once a quarter, it'll be public (and uneditable) reviews due every friday. Better make sure that review is perfect.
also, praising a coworker is required.
<sarcastic thumbs-up>13 -
A brief, and biased opinion of what love is in the dev world:
Love is my employees bringing me something to eat when they know I stay back so that they can all go out do whatever they can do.
Love is my CMS admin getting his ass up and walking all the way to my office when the director walks in to say some STUPID FUCKING SHIT to me that he(CMS Admin) knows would have me 2 fucking seconds away from getting out of my chair and drop kicking the fuck out of him.
Love is the rest of my employees getting up to follow along in case(certainly) one dude is not able to hold me down.
Love is them knowing that I know that their mere presence there will make me chill the fuck out and not choke the fucking director
Love is the CMS Admin proof reading every email I send to a bitch that was trying to get smart, to make sure that I was not being agressive.
Love is said CMS Admin bringing me coffee or a coke congratulating me on listening to him about X email not being aggressive (there is no passive in my vocabulary, just balls out "isn't this your fucking job" aggressive)
Love is my lead developer showing to work after medical treatment fucked up as all hell because he knows that if he is not there I will do a billion things myself in order to give him some rest.
Love is taking my CMS admin and lead dev out to eat when a major stakeholder shits on something I damn well know it took them a while to finish. Love is also letting me open up to said stakeholder to tell them how much of a fucktard they are, sometimes they let me loose, and I appreciate that.
Love is every small person in the company approaching you to tell you of their issues, becuase they care more about the productivity they give to their users, rather than the bullshit numbers their managers care about.
Love is the staff of other places taking care of you because you are not a VP dickhead that treats them like shit.
Love is the HR reps sending you personal e-mails asking you for help because their shitbag of a boss does not count for help and leaves them in the blank with shit software, for which said HR go above and beyond for you later on even though said shitbag manager said no.
Love is your team getting angry and responding respectfully at people when they talk shit about their manager on their emails (manager being me)
Love is your employees closing your door for you when they know you are overwhelmed and you need a quick second to pull yourself up.
Love is not wanting to leave this miserable place because you know some dickweed will be left in charge of the people that care for you, trust you, work for you regardless of the date, and confide in you.
They got me locked in, this shitty institution, for now. Until I find a way to bring my entire team with me.8 -
Riddle me this Batman, why am I constantly afraid that other developers are going to fuck up my work after my time on the codebase?14
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> 1:1 meeting with a CTO from Fortune 500 (any minute now)
> spilled coffee over the table and both computers
*taking a dog outside, so she doesn’t talk during the meeting*
> some dudes injecting drugs in the corner
My day is a shitty Hollywood movie 🍿9 -
Why do managers always want to fucking "discuss"? If you had literally a first-grader's education in basic electronics, you could define tasks and tickets by yourself and not have to fumble around all day and fuck it up,13
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How many times, like a broken record, do I have to tell the managment team that the "what's new" text is 500 characters max for the google play store? How many times? Surely it's more than 5 times, since I've already told them 5 times! I'll report back in when it's 10 times, although by then I may have bashed my head against the wall so many times that I'll be dead, and finally freed from these clowns.6
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AAAAAAA!!!!!! fullstackchris!!! we've got an error!!!
***proceeds to send screenshot of monitor with no error on it***
bonus points if its a picture of their desktop from a mobile phone6 -
JavaScript is fun when your not fucking bad at programming you stupid jquery-loving, abstractionless, monoparadigm, encapsulationphobia fucks13
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Starting to notice a trend that people who don’t write docs and say “the code documents itself” tend to write the worst fucking code imaginable.17
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Why is it so hard to read a 15 pages paper or article? I read hundreds of fiction pages or news in a day, but reading 100 lines of a scientific paper is a pain in the arse and I lose concentration by line 3.
Fak.9 -
i understand some developers like to write wrapper functions to handle tedious things, I even understand how to write dynamic SQL queries, but for the love of fucking god and sanity, NEVER FUCKING DO THIS!!!!
Yes its PHP, but its not even bad PHP, its a fucking abomination from hell of PHP.
33 -
CODING CODING CODING HAHAHA I LOVE PROGRAMMING BEING A LITTLE CODE SLUT. I LOVE SILICON VALLEY IM SUCH A QUIRKED UP LITTLE CODE SHAWTY LOOKING FOR SOME ALGOASS 🍆💦😩.
“Slams fists on keyboard”
I LOVE BEING A CUTE SCREEN TWINK, IMPRESSING PAPI CEO WITH MY FINGER COMBINATIONS. I LOVE PLEASING EXECUDADDY. 🍑😏🫦
“Takes keyboard in hand and slams it against desk until keyboard keys explode everywhere”
I LOVE WATCHING THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AND CORPORATE AMERICA FUCK MY ASS IN RETURN FOR PERSONAL PROFITS. 🤑☔️
*digs fingernails into the wall and claws off paint and then snorts it”
*pees and shits pants*
*cries in corner with extra agony*13 -
Sometimes I wish I was driven by positive reasons, and not by self-loathing and sense of worthlessness. I didn't have an actual vacation for over 3 years.
I am now in Thailand with my parents, and I am working my ass off to meet IROS/RAL deadline instead of chilling. The urge to continue working is really compulsive. I am very tired.
On a brighter note, the early experiments I ran look promising9 -
This is what I typed:
ls -ass
This is what I got:
⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⢣⢶⣟⣿⣖⣿⣷⣻⣮⡿⣽⣿⣻⣖⣶⣤⣭⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⢹⠣⣛⣣⣭⣭⣭⣁⡛⠻⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣽⡧⡄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣌⡛⢿⣽⢘⣿⣷⣿⡻⠏⣛⣀⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙⡅⣿⠚⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄
⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⣱⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠑⣿⣮⣝⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄
⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄
⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣣⣀5 -
This is the year of non negotiation for developers. I’m tired of getting told to mindlessly do shit. I am not going to fucking budge on my standards just because other people are lazy. I am smarter than them and they will fucking concede to my demands for direction or they can go fuck themselves.17
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Worst: Getting fired for talking too much shit about how the higher ups don’t know how to run a company.
Best: Getting hired at a way less stressful job that pays 50% more and realizing the last place was toxic as fuck.9 -
So now that Covid is apparently "gone", management wants us to come to the office to participate in daily team building events to hype up people to commute full time...
but still gotta finish those milestone deliveries while having too many meetings and deadlines.
Murphy is watching us from above with a shit-eating grin. -
Dev: Writes "this feature will take some time..." (proceeds to list bullet points touching on the main modifications required)
Manager: Can you explain what you mean by "takes some time?"
Dev: ...
Manager: ...4 -
> asks for better pay
> starts trying to evaluate the quality of our efforts
> complains about doing things that are not good in the long run
> spends time mastering best practices
> unemployed2 -
Being a programmer is basically like seeing all the cool tech that you always wanted to work with slip right out of your fucking hands and being replaced by an old system that bad programmers have managed to fuck up completely beyond saving. It’s like watching a bunch of monkeys trying to create a human out of decaying flesh, but when you question them, they look at you weird. It’s like wanting to create all these crazy cool animations and innovative experiences, but you end up spending most of your time trying to get a fucking image to line up correctly in marketing emails. My pride has been stripped from me.11
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As a software engineer, I’ve only *ever* worked remotely. I honestly have no idea what it’s like working in an office as a dev/engineer. Probably makes me weird. 😅
What did you like about working in an office, if you’ve had that experience? Was mentoring different? What did you dislike about it?29 -
just saw a tweet praising a company because of their choice to use swiss servers and they had a pompous sentance in parenthesis like (upside to banking secret culture)
like, dude, at the end of the day, guaranteed their 'server' is just a linux box somewhere, just like anywhere else in the world just STFU
god i HATE ignorance, hype, and stupid tropes that managers just automatically subscribe to with their 2 brain cell NPC brain4 -
Windows is so bad, their users are actually upset instead of happy with every new software update. What kind of masochistic shit is this?13
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Why am I so fucking bad with estimates? I am literally 20 hours over on this one thing because it’s so goddamn annoying to deal with.10
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For people that do minimal documentation on a package and just say “refer to source code”…fuck you4
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I have a dream that I will find a group of programmers that enjoy their craft and we are able to bond together and create the coolest shit we want and monetize it. We will inspire programmers to overthrow corporate America. We will all live in a big house and everyone will have their different hobbies and we can learn from each other and work on whatever we want to do each day. We will have unlimited dried mangoes, chocolate chips, and chips n salsa. We will create a kingdom.11
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- be any programmer hired to a job
- do some cool thing that helps the business
- gets labeled as a smart programmer and a helpful team member
- get questions and cries of help from everyone at the office
- get burnt out and refuse to help some people
- get labeled as lazy, bad at my job, and having a bad attitude
- gets shadow fired
- cycle repeats
It’s time to burn down the houses of every rich person - and I hope we actually fully commit this time :)6 -
The coworkers I work with are really smart and capable at their job. PRs with 20+ commits. So guess what? all the PRs are squashed “by default”, so every commit in the history has 100 file changes. Fan fucking tastic. I totally don’t want to kill myself. As an added bonus, all of it is in an Azure repo, so we can’t actually search PRs which is awesome. Plus, all the BE developers want us to do their job! It’s an amazing learning experience!!!5
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I have this pact with my neighbor - if someone delivers a package to them, I knock on their door when I notice it to let them know and if they don’t answer, I take it into my apartment and leave a note. Same goes if she or her kids see a package delivered for us and we don’t answer.
So last month, we have a flooding incident in our complex and her flat’s damaged so they have to leave to stay at a hotel for a bit. It’s only supposed to be until the 20th (of last month).
So when she gets a package a few weeks ago, I knock and when there’s no answer, take it into my apartment and leave a note.
Note stays on the door for days.
And then it disappears, so I assume she’s home.
But she never answers the door.
And then I see workers in her place.
So now I don’t know if it’s the workers who picked up the note or if she was back and I missed her.
But it’s been a couple of weeks and I’m starting to worry about her. Like, the day of the flood she almost died and I ended up coming over to help (getting her oldest to do CPR, talking to 911, trying to keep people calm), so I know she’s not feeling great lately.
And I’m the kind of idiot that never thought to exchange numbers.
So I’ve resorted to internet stalking and messaging her on Facebook.
And knocking on the downstairs neighbor’s door since I know they’re related. They didn’t answer. I’ll try again later.
I have no idea what else to do. I mean, I don’t think I can contact the office and be like “Can you please provide me contact information for my neighbor? I have their stuff. Thanks.”
#awkward4 -
Regardless of all my complaining, and the current drunk urge to cyber bully right now, I am thankful for my job and for all the support and knowledge from the developer community that has made me a better human - that includes devrant. I am thankful that I have found something I’m sorta good at and I am able to support a very good lifestyle because of it. I am thankful for the good times I have because of programming, and I am thankful for the struggle that has helped develop me as a problem solver and professional. I am thankful for all my friends I have met in this field. I am thankful to God for this place I am in.4
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Working with Microsoft is like trying to make a fucking bridge out of jello. It’s like trying to tell where you are in a forest by licking the soil. It’s like trying to run on a track covered in oil. It’s like trying to speak to aliens. Its like trying to write something with your own blood. It’s like spending 10 fucking hours to find out how to setup the IDE so the scrolling works. It’s like shoving your tv remote up your own ass to feel something.9
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Ah the classic "Grau Dunkel 70". I know exactly what hex code that is. Thanks, design team!
Fuck you.8 -
I just told this stranger that she was one of the most beautiful people I have ever saw and now I’m shaking6
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That feeling when you realize your work friend isn’t actually your friend, and you have no connection with anyone you work with anymore.8
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Manager: Speak with PersonA about ProjectX. Get back to me with feasibility and timescales.
Me: *speaks with PersonA about ProjectX*
Me: *does a few trials for more info*
Manager: Why did you not tell me you were looking into ProjectX with PersonA?
This is 2 days apart ...5 -
Uni shut down.
Lol.
So, what's my plan for this unplanned in-house vacation, you ask? Idk. Probably just staying in bed. Maybe bother with finishing all the damn annoying books I've left unread. Yay.
Also, FYI, about 99 years before covid19 broke out, the Spanish flu wiped out millions. We'll be fine. Lol.7 -
Now that I think about it, as soon as I reinstalled DevRant, I got fired like 3 weeks later. Coincidence? Debating uninstalling for my new job now 🤔8
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Idk why but when I act like a fucking loser and watch YouTube and not exercise and eat junk food all day, I do better as a developer. Why?!?!2
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!rant
Sometimes I think about packing up my bags and just going into security consulting just to get away from the world of being an infrastructure anarchist for software companies that are overvalued "Export to Excel" generators.2 -
Hot tip: if you are a company, don’t ever ever ever ever spend your money on an Optimizely academy course. They have the worst course material I have ever seen in my life, and the material is outdated by several years from exercise to exercise. And the training videos are literally just a recording of a live class with a couple students. They should pay me to sit through this fucking shitshow. It is not worth a single cent, but guess how much they charge for the course and certification?!?! $2300 😱🫣😂. It’s so fucking bad I want to kill myself. Whoever decided to pour as little effort into this as possible over at Optimizely, I hereby curse you to a 2300 painful deaths and I hope someone shoves a ice cold rod up your ass to wake you up. *slams keyboard*2
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guy creates very cool looking, advanced css effects library that went viral
guy puts it up on GitHub
guy writes a ranty post and pins it to top the of issues with stuff like "i'm not going to make this a module or library that can be installed, and also don't try because i've already created a seperate repo for that" ON AN OPEN SOURCE LIBRARY
dude, you already open-sourced it, people are going to use it however they want
idk, just found this to be a very weird vibe, thought i'd share. thoughts?13 -
I fucking hate Halloween costume stress, I am so fucking dumb that I can’t think of anything to dress as. I might just stay home tbh bc fuck all of this shit.15
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I’m so fucking tired of having to work with shitty code day in and day out and not being able to optimize it. I want to quit so bad without having a job lined up… I fucking hate being a developer now thanks to these fucking pieces of shit.7
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I have such a nasty pride habit with programming. Think I’m soo top boy international until I discover something everyone else knows, like RSS this week 🤦♂️10
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Sifting through a React class component that is over 1000 lines long.
When was this written? Not in the 1950s like you might think. Just over 3 months ago.
Kill me.7 -
apple you fucking donkeys you don't even have the specs for iPhone 14 up yet
https://developer.apple.com/library...
you're only what, the highest market cap company in the world?!!?!?3 -
Remember, the more "cutting edge" and "thousands of clients" a company has is inversely related to the quality of documentation they have on their APIs and software solutions.
I don't give a fuck about your pretty examples, show me which FIELDS can take which VALUES. It's that simple. Instead, I'm wasting your company's and my own time by spamming support for what should be basic questions clearly outlined in the documentation.2 -
Quitting nicotine and caffeine and all the letters on the screen are fucked up. How have I made it this far without killing myself? Nobody actually wants to be around me anymore and I’m haunted by my isolation. Fading skills and fading life force.21
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Ready for another look into my JIRA life?
Ticket Title: "The 'Selected photos' setting will result in users being able to select only one photo at a time."
Ticket Description: "This is not directly a bug, because this problem is caused by the selected setting. Here one would have to consider to give this option no more and/or with an error message the user on it to make attentive, how he can change the attitude."
I don't even have to worry about NDA in this one because it makes absolutely no sense.
BTW, we don't have a single text in the app with the words "selected photos"
99% sure the creator of this ticket wrote it when they were high, drunk, or both4 -
Devs who use the array map method for purposes other than generating a new array, and who use an empty return statement to satisfy the linter, should receive a slap in the face. A gentle one, but a slap nonetheless3
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Unpopular opinion but I really don’t have any sympathy for people who have been laid off at tech companies. Everyone knows it’s fucking volatile. That is coming from someone who has been laid off in the past year. Out of all the wealth classes of our society, I have no sympathy for people in the richest career field in the world. They will undoubtedly find work and be able to support their high class lifestyle. Let’s start having sympathy for people actually sleeping out on the streets you dumbfucks.15
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I want to do something data-science-y.
Gimme project ideas, and where can I get the data for it?
Also, not looking for machine learning, just basic data analysis stuff.
I'm bored.11 -
Am I more active because I am feeling good, or is it because it's too hot here? 🤔
Anywho, giant NN classifier, come at me!
PS. I think it's gonna be a a major failure, but YOLO. 😜1 -
Dev: Sends weekly update email on Friday, as drudgingly required by management, outlining that stress level is high recently in the past two weeks and constant polling for feedback and updates is stressing him out, needs to slow down the pace
Management: (ON A FUCKING SATURDAY): "Received your email @fullStackChris"
WOW! THANKS FOR THAT INSIGHTFUL UPDATE! I BET YOU DID! I HAVE NO DOUBT GOOGLE'S SMTP SERVERS ARE RUNNING PROPERLY. AND AFTER READING IT, YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO @ ME IN A WHATSAPP MESSAGE. ON A FUCKING SATURDAY. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU, I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE COMPANY OR ITS TASKS UNTIL MONDAY. PLEASE STOP.
I mean they must be fucking with me at this point, right guys? Maybe I should start writing stuff like "I need more tasks and more messages throughout the day" then I would probably receive less, I mean wtf is actually going on.7 -
Anyone who purposefully makes a CSS rule that’s like 10 classes deep can go fuck themselves with a elongated mason jar. Unless your an evil fuck or a spawn of satan, there’s no reason to make other dev’s jobs a living fucking hell. Fuck you.4
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I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.
It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.
OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.
But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...
You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.1 -
Fine! If I’m not allowed to make improvements to the site, I’ll blatantly write you shitty code and continue to fuck you over for the future. I tried to help but you guys are fucked.3
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We write our feature specifications in Gherkin, so it is clear to every member of the team (even nondevs GASP!) exactly what each feature should do.
SO WHY THE FUCK, AFTER BUILDING THE FEATURE, DO I GET REVIEWS FROM THE pRoDuCt MaNaGeRs, SHOWING ME THEY WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR THE FEATURE. YOU WROTE THE FUCKING FEATURE DID YOU HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART MID THOUGHT YOU IDIOT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SO SICK OF IT I'M SICK OF WORKING 12 HOURS ON A FRIDAY FOR YOUR STUPID SHIT2 -
Maybe I am just a fucking idiot, but I don’t get error handling at all. I’m always torn between what level the error should go, where it should go, and what to even do about it. Why has this burden of choice plagued me?!?
It’s like this question I can never figure out. How to react to certain things appropriately, because who can say that and be 100% correct about their opinion.3 -
Anytime a designer tries to make a development estimate or tells you what to do, immediately raise your hand and shout a firm “No!” - sometimes I hate these fuckers.1
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Here I am again, entertaining the thought of having a day job that doesn't require me to be in front of a computer..8
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JIRA life:
Project leader proceeds to put what is actually two separate issues in the title. I'm already raging. I go to take a look at it.
I read the description - ANOTHER (this makes it three now) totally seperate issue in there.
Just fuck you I'm so sick it i see it over and over again no matter where I go or what project I work on its all the same bullshit.
"wE wAnT tO cLeARlY dEfINe iSsUeS aNd MoVe RaPiDlY"
YEAH THEN F&Q*@#()#$(@)#$ DO YOUR F$*(@#(*&$ JOB!!!! I'M DOING MINE, IN ADDITION TO DOING YOURS, CLEANING UP YOUR ABSOLUTE MESS THAT YOU LEFT!!!!1 -
I’m starting to think our “architect” hasn’t actually worked with our platform and maybe hasn’t actually programmed before. His requirements look like they were written by a high schooler bullshitting a science project. They make no fucking sense and over-complicate things on a super-intense, tight deadline. He never answers any of my questions and I’m working against him constantly to not micromanage my shit. I wish he would fuck off far away from me and everyone and my life would be so much easier. At this point, Idk how he hasn’t gotten fired. Tempted to warn management that this project is going to crash and burn hard, but not sure if that would make me look like the trouble-causer.2
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Anyone ever hide away after a night of drinking like a lil hermit? I feel like I won’t be able to face society for several days lol.3
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It’s so unbelievable how dumb some people are - I’m on the side of adding logic to primary school programs before they start math.2
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I found Firefox to be a winner today. Chrome was flashing the screen in full screen mode when the subtitles would update for JoJo’s bizarre adventure. Firefox fixed it yayyy3
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More and more, I am getting frustrated/depressed from the attitude of our customers who complain, moan and get angry about issues in their infrastructure, while at the same time, refusing to pay more so the issues could be mitigated.
Like, a client's angry with us today for having one of their non-production-critical databases inaccessible for... Hmm... About 8 hours now (So a whole workday).
Like... I get it, some of your employees couldn't work with it offline, but like... What the hell do we do? You keep data from as far back as several years ago in there, without partitioning, without exports, in a mix of innodb and myisam, so when the DB crashes, and its replication has to be reset from zero, reimporting all the data takes hours upon hours, and importing .sql files just takes time.
Or another client who got angry when their app fell out of the internet, cuz one of their myisam-based log tables crashed, and had to be repaired, with data spanning several years back, meaning it took hours to fix...
The more I work with these "basic" and "simple" infrastructure designs that is *not* redundant, or HA, the more I wonder -- How do the big names out there do it? How do you design systems with fault tolerance so a single DB table crash doesn't lead to the whole app getting inaccessible?
We have... One, exactly one, client, who uses MariaDB with Gallera, and that cluster is *amazing*, it just keeps chugging along, without a care in the world. But it cost them quite a lot, as they had to buy 3 DB servers, instead of 1...3 -
When they take fotos of various screens showing bogus states of the app or error-messages with closed 'more info' pane, put them together without any context into a fucking ppt and return it as feedback you should work on.
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AWS test error: An error occurred (AccessDenied) when calling the PutObject operation: Access Denied"
Hmmmmmmm
* proceeds to spend 2 hours correcting the role and policy for said user *
Alright, let's test!
AWS test error: An error occurred (AccessDenied) when calling the PutObject operation: Access Denied"
fuck you.
i'm not fucking sleeping until this is resolved7 -
Ok…I know I’m a junior dev and all and I have to submit to my meh leads, but I want to put this guy on company wide BLAST for editing LIVE PRODUCTION CODE without telling literally anyone for MONTHS. Like how in the fuck do you think that’s a good idea?!?!2
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Sometimes, after seeing all my friends with their girlfriends and boyfriends have their life, freedom, and happiness slowly sucked away from them, I have to wonder if it is even worth pursuing the opposite sex romantically at all. Especially since spending time on yourself will actually improve your life and make you happier. It’s just sad and feels lonely that no one can relate to me in real life about this.43
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For whoever lost a flame earring at the Garden concert, hmu otherwise I will wear it on my nipple.
3 -
1. Go to stackoverflow's homepage
2. Read some of the fine selection of questions that are asked
3. WTF?????11 -
I feel super discouraged. I just got a new job from being let go from my previous one, and I’m already thinking about quitting.
They really threw me into the weeds with a couple of complex tasks that require a lot of BE work and all I really do is FE. I’m still just trying to learn how the framework actually works. I think they expect me to become full stack. Now I find myself just starting at the computer screen most of the day because I have no fucking idea how to start working. The codebase and local environment is also fucked up super bad and barely runs on my machine.
Also, whenever I reach out these people they give the most minimal answers and have swollen egos. The frameworks they use have a really shitty community and bad documentation, so googling anything is really pointless. Working on this project, it has made me consider giving up development.
I am wondering if this is just a me thing though. Should I quit or stick with it for a bit?13 -
A medium knockoff - but I can only invite people I know to write as having the ever-so prestigious blog master title. I built it from the ground up with next js and it is my lil baby 🥰2
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How has weed affected your ability to code short term and long term? And is there anyone who codes while high? What about CBD?7
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If I have to write one more uber-complex, goddamn Google Optimize test, I will literally piss and shit and throw up on my computer and then throw it out the window.1
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If u you don’t have empathy towards me as a coworker, you are my enemy and I will laugh at your failure and defeat.5
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There is no god, but I am praying that I get hired somewhere else. I cannot stand another fucking day at this place.1
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Interview horror show: The time I got ghosted after the first interview.
I shit you not, I waited and waited for a reply, and since they didn't give any respect, I didn't show them any back and never sent a follow-up.
Yeah, fucking clowns, I hope your company burns to the ground with that level of professionalism.6 -
Going back and rewatching Star Wars stuff only to remember and get pissed off once again about the Sequel Trilogy. I can’t believe some people are allowed to make movies, watching a dog poop has more value than the entire story of those three movies, and Disney can go fuck themselves for that.11
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Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever give the opportunity, not even once, to let a BE decide how a front end is going to work. They will fuck it up 100% of the time. I’m sorry but it’s true.7
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Please if you write a math book, don’t write it in a technical, boring, orthodox textbook. Write it like u want to share it with someone you love as a grandiose story of personal adventure. Write it as an exciting narrative. This is what the OGs did.5
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My weekend is filled with take home code interviews, pre workout, and no social interaction. I just want to sip mint tea by the Red Sea.1
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Question: For those of you who went math mode, did you ever look back? Was your future grim, happy, or does that even matter at all?7
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[!dev]
Sometimes I feel an overwhelming lack of willpower that prevents me from moving except for my eyes. It passes within a minute and leaves a temporary tiredness. I didn't really think about it until now and I have no idea why, but yesterday it happened while a friend was talking about something they're passionate about and I realised that this is very far from normal. Have you experienced something like this?5 -
Ok, now marketing people are just baby talking at this point. “The bad guys are this and ur a good adult - if ur really a good boy u will contribute to the movement in buying this product”. I’m starting to realize how dumb we actually are individually again and I hate it.10
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I’m a mf cutthroat - people who have shit on me before reach out to the depths of a hellhole project in search of me rescuing them, and I only cut their fingers off so they fall back in1
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Feeling touched deprived while eating breakfast lmao. A real mf might just cry in this bagel shop.3
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If you really like math or theory, I think a degree or a few is the way to go. Plus, you can get a head start in your career that way. However, I think I would have not gone to college in hindsight and self-studied since I am regretting the career field now.1
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I have lost track of the whys, but I'm writing something that loads a datastructure not unlike specifications of C types (plus struct single inheritance and generics) from any DLL-s tossed in the same folder, then organizes them into a pretty database. Now I just gotta keep gradually broadening the scope until I get to the feature set of the modern C# type system.
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Jesus Fucking Christ can you just guess what the code is doing instead of me feeding it to you like a fucking baby. TRY TO HAVE SOME SORT OF INTUITION DAMNIT I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU SO YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS.2
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Once again I go into interviewing with literally 4 minutes notification ahead of time on who the candidate is (obviously I still don't really know or understand what the hell is about to happen)
Management does not have their head screwed on straight; it's that simple
#startuplyfe #scrappy #turnthatmindsetintoagrindset1 -
I wish there was more dedicated, physical spaces that were tailored to programmers in particular. I know there’s a lot of collectives out there, but it’s hard to implicitly discourage startup fiend management from taking it over it seems like. We should organize more around a common craft. Free mason type shit.9
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Always estimating for the best possible, quality solution. I refuse to write anything less than perfect. Also I estimate the time based on how I feel that day lol.7
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Alright folks it’s the first, you know what that means. No Nut November has officially started. Make sure to read the rules properly. I have a few passes already from earlier this year and bc I was born in November, but I don’t plan to use them. Good luck.5
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I’m really cursed, no one loves me for who I am. Not even my family. And I will probably never be lovable. They only like me if I’m being fake. No one would care if I died based on the objective analysis of my life. Maybe this is just what it’s like growing up?9
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Great yeah for sure. Tried to debug most of yesterday to come up with a recommendation today. But yeah, go ahead, just ignore it. Don’t even read it. I’ll just go fuck myself.2
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Have any of you ever asked to get switched onto another project? And if so, was your request successful and what was the consequence?5
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I’m so done with people bruh. Getting friends an adult is literally just having pissing contests about status, money, and power. Like am I just supposed to sit there and really truly believe that something fucking POSITIVEEE will come out of my restraint instead of taking two hands and beating their face into a fucking bowl when they talk to me rude?!? “Like no I don’t mind at all how you mentioned your cool new house in that manner, I really hope it doesn’t burn down with your family inside :)” The amount of conceited, prideful, scumbag, asshole, penisbreath, pieces of raw shit that inhabit the earth makes me question my own validity for existing. 99.999% of people I would never want to marry, be friends with, or even really speak to - because you know what?!? - because why??!? - because it’s a waste of my own fucking time that’s why. I could think of a million things to do that would actually benefit us all instead of being entrapped in a useless fucking social experience with these fucks. Everyone is a obese fucking pillow princess, and I hope the only thing that they can eventually fuck is themselves. FUCK7
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Start standing up for my health and my expertise more, dive deep into animation, get a job on the product side, find time for my neglected side projects, go on more walks, get with a hot dev girl who can act as my lead and can spank and beat me when my code is shitty, network more with other devs to build collective safety nets for each other, buy a house with a record player room and hockey garage, practice more love4
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I saw a bent antenna on a car today that looked like a parabola. The architect on my team keeps trying to gaslight me. What’s up with this fucking shit? Why doesn’t anyone have any fucking Christmas cheer?!?16
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We should all skip work tomorrow - I just wanna have sex and eat pizza tomorrow. I hate new projects plthhhe5
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Ok so hear me out, a project that uses React but remove JSX and replace with a VueJS style of conditional rendering. JSX is so gross and I can’t believe people still use it.16
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For those who have made a FE to BE transition: what is ur best advice on how to try new things and find a place where you can build cool ass shit?
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As many of us are filling out applications right now, I have another complaint about accessibility. If a company ever reps for Accessibe or their clients use accessibe, then ghost them immediately (they don’t care about developers opinion).6
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Uber drunk and have to get up in 3 hours for lots of meetings hooray 😵. Anyways, my boss saved my from my hell scape of a team that I was on an now I actually feel like I can contribute. Fuck anyone who tells me how to design shit. I’m really good at making stuff good - and anyone who says different is a fucking idiot.5
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Recruiters are seriously the biggest pests in existence. They are such a useless middle man. They take a big lump sum of cash just to facilitate an employment opportunity for someone that is more than capable to facilitate it themselves. Plus they are huge pests and harass you. Am I crazy? Why do recruiters exist. Surely their entire industry is bad for the economy.2
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Letting my hateful spirit breathe some: I recently have remembered that no one called me during my 4 months of chemotherapy. Debating if I should cut off everyone I know previously because I know I can’t trust them anymore. If I can’t trust them with my life, why would I ever speak to them? Why would I ever care to see these idiots? What is preventing me from going to their homes and ending it for the mental anguish they have given me?2
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What are the thoughts on emojis in comments - especially CSS. I feel like they could be helpful but I would be concerned if it caused IDEs to not work or anything like that.15
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No it’s ok you can power trip on me that’s fine, it’s just now your delivery is going to be months late. So who’s fault is it really?
Fuck you - fight me bitch. -
The worst part about being an accessibility expert in these times is getting a redundant flood of a11y stuff on developer knowledge email subscriptions.
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Bo bo bo have you seen Joe?
Nah just kidding, but what the dev rant plus or sponsor tag or what ever its called, what its features?4 -
Should I upload my video journals in which I can speak freely? Or do you think that might hurt my professional image? I like doing talking through video moreso than writing in a journal, and I’m trying to see the pros and cons of this hypothetical…3
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the airport, I was at the bars getting shitfaced before my flight. The people all held their luggage with care, in hopes that someone wouldn’t clog the line up for 20 fucking minutes.
The luggage was all nestled and packed with care
And I with my cheese its and Carmel m&ms, would soon to be snacking in the air overhead.2 -
How the fuck would u be so fucking stupid enough to create a site with EPiServer/Optimizely and it’s piece of shit organization, community, developers, etc… is this some sort of fresh hell I have been banished to? Why am I cursed with working with this horrible, slimy, awful platform. It’s giving me an aneurysm just fucking thinking about how shitty this ecosystem is setup. Someone needs to burn it. Burn it all to the fucking ground, I have had enough and it is a stain on our society.
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Optimizely/Episerver is such a fucking piece of shit I want to fucking kill everyone who made this god forsaken mound of rotting garbage. I don’t even know what the history of it is because the documentation is convoluted as shit and poorly written. Whenever I Google something about it, the top answers are fucking 10+ years old and have not a god damn thing to do with the original problem. But guess what, they still use the same fucking useless error messages as they did 10+ years ago. Fucking idiots. The community for it doesn’t help at all. It’s fucking impossible to learn anything about it. Even the experts in this don’t have any idea what they are doing. Fuck this shit. ANYTHING that’s related in any way to Microsoft, or even mentions Microsoft, can suck my cock. FUCKKKKKKKKK.
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Bladee doesn’t really hit until ur drunk and depressed in your lonely apartment writing code while it’s storming outside.
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I’m sorry girls but I can’t trust y’all 🤷♂️. Periodt.
Also, who wants to get a hot dog with me rn. Im fucking starving my goober gabb off, I feel like a sage fasting for the sake of personal holyness, but like fuck that I’m zooted and I need a dog.2 -
Got so high I pretended I couldn’t speak and was lame to the train conductor when I forgot my ticket and fell asleep before transfer lmao5
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Let's exclude some files from our coverlet coverage test!
Sure! That's easy, just remember to pass this super short, understandable, and rememberable command-line argument:
-- DataCollectionRunSettings.DataCollectors.DataCollector.Configuration.ExcludeByFile="**/myFile.cs/**"
You're fucking kidding me, right?
It's 2022 and tools are still using PowerShell syntax... just kill me1
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