Nike's robots.txt says "just crawl it"

Every. Single. Time.

That could possibly work 😂😂😂

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

The ability to slap people through tcp/ip.

Get rid of required minimal lines of code for project assignments.

I
Will
Slap
The
Fucker
Who
Codes
Like
This
As
Many
Times
Per
Fucked
Up
Line

You know who sucks at developing APIs?

Facebook.

I mean, how are so high paid guys with so great ideas manage to come up with apis THAT shitty?

Let's have a look. They took MVC and invented flux. It was so complicated that there were so many overhyped articles that stated "Flux is just X", "Flux is just Y", and exactly when Redux comes to the stage, flux is forgotten. Nobody uses it anymore.

They took declarative cursors and created Relay, but again, Apollo GraphQL comes and relay just goes away. When i tried just to get started with relay, it seemed so complicated that i just closed the tab. I mean, i get the idea, it's simple yet brilliant, but the api...

Immutable.js. Shitload of fuck. Explain WHY should i mess with shit like getIn(path: Iterable<string | number>): any and class List<T> { push(value: T): this }? Clojurescript offers Om, the React wrapper that works about three times faster! How is it even possible? Clojure's immutable data structures! They're even opensourced as standalone library, Mori js, and api is great! Just use it! Why reinvent the wheel?

It seems like when i just need to develop a simple react app, i should configure webpack (huge fuckload of work by itself) to get hot reload, modern es and jsx to work, then add redux, redux-saga, redux-thunk, react-redux and immutable.js, and if i just want my simple component to communicate with state, i need to define a component, a container, fucking mapStateToProps and mapDispatchToProps, and that's all just for "hello world" to pop out. And make sure you didn't forget to type that this.handler = this.handler.bind(this) for every handler function. Or use ev closure fucked up hack that requires just a bit more webpack tweaks. We haven't even started to communicate to the server! Fuck!

I bet there is savage ass overengineer sitting there at facebook, and he of course knows everything about how good api should look, and he also has huge ass ego and he just allowed to ban everything that he doesn't like. And he just bans everything with good simple api because it "isn't flexible enough".

"React is heavier than preact because we offer isomorphic multiple rendering targets", oh, how hard want i to slap your face, you fuckface. You know what i offered your mom and she agreed?

They even created create-react-app, but state management is still up to you. And react-boierplate is just too complicated.

When i need web app, i type "lein new re-frame", then "lein dev", and boom, live reload server started. No config. Every action is just (dispatch) away, works from any component. State subscription? (subscribe). Isolated side-effects? (reg-fx). Organize files as you want. File size? Around 30k, maybe 60 if you use some clojure libs.

If you don't care about massive market support, just use hyperapp. It's way simpler.

Dear developers, PLEASE, don't forget about api. Take it serious, it's very important. You may even design api first, and only then implement the actual logic. That's even better.

And facebook, sincerelly,

Fuck you.

Fuck you, devs who quote Knuth:

"Premature optimization is the root of all evil"

I agree with the spirit of the quote. I agree that long-winded arguments comparing microsecond differences in performance between looping or matching constructs in a language syntax is almost always nonsense. Slightly slower code can even be preferable if it's significantly clearer, safer and easier to maintain.

But, two fucking points need to be made to you lazy quickfix hipsters trying to sell your undercooked spaghetti code as "al dente", just fucking admit that you had no clue what you were doing.

So here we go:

1. If you write neat correct code in one go, you don't need to spend time to optimize it. Takes time to learn the right patterns, but will save you time during the rest of your career.

2. If you quote Knuth, at least provide the context: "We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time [...] Yet we should not pass up our opportunities in that critical 3%"

YES THAT CRITICAL 3% IS WHERE YOU MESSED UP.

I'll forgive you for disgorging your codevomit into this silly PR.

BUT YOU'RE QUOTING KNUTH IN YOUR DEFENSE?

Premature optimization is the root of all evil... 6300 SQL queries to show a little aggregate graph on the dashboard... HE WOULD FUCKING SLAP YOUR KEYBOARD IN HALF IN YOUR FACE.

Sometimes I want to go back in time and slap myself when I say "yeah that shouldn't be too difficult" to a client.

I FUCKING HATE THOSE TWATS GODDAMIT I CANT HOLD IT I WANT TO FUCKIN SLAP THEM

This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.

I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.

I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.

The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.

They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.

Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.

I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.

Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.

Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.

I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.

Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.

I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.

And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?

Wrote my friend Sam a letter when I was still working in support. I think it still holds up today.

---

Dear Sam,

I understand that you will join us in our overseas office. Congratulations on landing that job. It’s good steady work. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.

Your still young so maybe I can give you some little wisdom that will help you in your working years to come.

Let me begin by shedding some light on phone calls.

I try. I really do try Sam. But it is getting so hard for me to hold back the rage that builds up during certain phone calls. Especially the ‘Sorry, I just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’ ones.

Those are the times that I have no access to what they see. I’ve no team-viewer, can not take over that screen in any other way. And why-oh-why can I not take over that terminal session dear Sam? It’s because the caller can not double-click an icon or find a terminal session number.

And what is the reason for this? Because they ‘just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’. This is a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. Beware of these callers Sam.

There is nothing so nerve-wrecking then finding yourself at the mercy of people describing Internet Explorer (do not even get me started) as ‘the big ‘E’, if they use Chrome for their webmail then they most likely will say ‘Mail’ if they mean Chrome. There is no logic Sam. That is just the way these people work.

They will suck all enjoyment out of your work. They will make you want to hunt them down in dark office hallways and show them your tears Sam. Because cry you will.

Sure, I understand that not everyone can be tech savvy. Why, if everyone would be, where would that leave us? No. I love the technologically challenged. They put the fiber in my internet. They make me LOL for real. After the initial anger subsides anyway.

But just below that well-willing folk, on the other side of that border… there they dwell: Management.

Nice cars, suits and iphones Sam. First thing a new manager will require is a brand spanking new business-card. It will hold his/her new title. Then an iphone or overpriced android model will follow suit.

Then they will barge into your office, holding it like it’s the next best thing since sliced bread.

Any manager will automatically assume that you will drop anything you are doing at the present moment to acknowledge the presence of greatness. Failing to do so will result in awkward yet fulfilling situations. I recommend that you do not take your hands of the keyboard and give only the slightest of nods after 5 minutes of complete silence and glaring.

Well… you feel the glare. You do not glare yourself. You do not break eye-contact with the monitor. It does not even matter if you are typing for real or not. I once clicked away happily for 5 minutes. I just typed ‘he is still there’ over and over again. Do not break down Sam. This moment will decide your relationship with this individual.

After the nod there will be a flood of words aimed in your general direction. You can disregard anything that is said. It boils down to ‘can not operate device’.

You then take the device from this person and put it next to you on your desk. You’ll ask the name of this simpleton, write it down on a sticky-note, slap that on the phone. Then you’ll write a random date in the not so near future on another sticky and hand that to the bewildered person in front of you.

It will usually utter some incoherent words about ‘needing, time or but’ (I find that ‘but’is a word they like. They tend to use it three or four times consecutive before you usher them through the door).

Now you’ve won Sam. Well… not really. But it will feel good, I can guarantee that.

This must do for now. A new suit is glaring at me for the last five minutes.

Felt good to do something productive with this time.

Take care,

Baltasar

P.s. I just noticed that there is some foam around his mouth. So if you encounter this, don’t worry: it seems to be perfectly normal.

Devs who argue that their favourite language is the best and other are not good enough for anything. Different tools for different jobs dammit!

How come that asking politely on StackOverflow brings you hatred and contempt while hating on DevRant brings you empathy, understanding, consolation, encouragement and a friendly slap on the back?

Why do HR people ask stupid questions like the following ones? Everytime I get those questions, I have imaginary answers like the ones right after each question.

Why do you want to work here?

- Obviously, because I need the money to survive. I'm not here because I love working for you and having to endure your stress. I'm not that type of a kinky person.

Are you flexible?

- Why? Do you want to annoy me when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night because of a sudden deadline or because a god damn employee didn't show up?

Do you see yourself as a perfect fit for both developer and tech support roles?

- Read my fucking resume, moron. I applied for a developer role. Nothing else.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

- As if you would care. It's none of your business, but since we are at it. I see myself as your manager in 5 years. Hope that you like that thought.

We didn't bother reading your CV. Would you like to tell us about yourself?

- Nope. Have a nice day and suck my dick. I'm leaving.

Can you give us your phone number and the phone number of your girlfriend?

- I didn't know that I am selling my soul to your company by accepting this job offer. I'm not your slave and you will not call me whenever I'm enjoying my private time.

What's motivating you?

- Money and the peaceful vibe at work when you are shutting the fuck up when I'm fully focused during my projects.

How do you handle stress?

- I dick slap everyone infront of me.

Do you see yourself as a hard worker?

- Nah, I'm not interested in sucking dicks, eating her ass and bending over to get a little bit of a raise.

Slap other people in the face via internet.

Based loosely on the popular "git" command, I am happy to announce my new product, "hit"!

Essentially, hit hooks into "git blame" and automatically slaps the shit out of whoever wrote this garbage.

It uses SOHTTP (Slap Over HTTP) to deliver a nice firm wallop to any subpar script kiddie that had the audacity to come up with this bullshit.

Careful, the user is not immune to the effects

Recipe: "baked developer"

you will need:

- 1 day = 1 story point
- 10SP per sprint
- every team member must deliver all the SPs.

Now for every sprint slap on 20+ hours of mandatory meetings, mix with 2-5 days of ad-hoc tasks, which must be addressed, because they are blocking the release/other teams/prod, and make sure all the devs try not to spill no matter what, and you get a perfectly burned out team.

Brittle/crispy on the outside, mashed/soft on the inside

enjoy!

I'll buy an oar.

Not a boat with two of them, just an oar.

And slap every idiot who comes near to me again trying to convince me how Apple products are innovative. Every feature mentioned I had on my phone at least for 5years. And if not on my phone, Nexus or another Samsung had it already for a long time. Hell, Samsungs even started exploding sooner!

What is it with those Apple snowflakes trying to be something special? Yes you are special! You piss me of in a matter of nanoseconds.

swag-for-dev
A list of swag opportunities for developers

So instead of 15 tech-stickers from china, I got 33 rick and morty stickers and actually am not mad, because now I can finally make proper use of my devrant stickers I got a long time ago

the dead morty isn't yet attached to it, because I might get other stickers, that could need space (tiny laptops do make you picky), so I'd slap him on somewhere else or inbetween, that's also the first time I have actually ever put any stickers on my laptops

14 hours in. With no end in sight. Who the fuck does circuit upgrades in a damn data center without ensuring there was a functional redundant powder supply?! I want to slap all these fuckers.

I met this girl and told her, she's the global variable to all my functions.. She gave me a dirty slap

FUCK I stupidly did git reset --hard while having open changes.

Slap me

Just stumbled upon this!

Nice, I just removed my dpkg folder instead of dpkg/lock. Today is the first and only day for this week I can sit at my desk to work and this is first thing I did. And then I whine that I'm stressed and couldn't finish my tasks.

If I were not me, I would slap that-guy.

"As a team, we have the shared responsibility to ___".

(replace with ALL of the following: resolve bugs, do junior's code reviews, clean up dead code, keep the kitchen clean, improve test coverage, write documentation, order coffee beans, etc)

NO. JUST FUCKING STOP RIGHT THERE. Shared responsibilities do not exist. A single person is responsible, and can optionally delegate tasks.

EITHER I DO IT AND I'LL BE FUCKING AWESOME AT IT, OR SOMEONE ELSE DOES — BUT I'LL SLAP SLACKERS IN THE GENITALS WITH MY KEYBOARD.

Fucking startup hipsters with their community driven attitude, this way no shit gets done, ever.

Maybe this is my retribution for participating in yesterday's rant about public transportation.

Saturday morning, I had an 🥚and 🍌. I was happy.
I went out to meet with my GF.
I got a window seat on bus.
The seat on my left was empty for few stops.
A mudafucka big kid came and sit beside me.
I was like, cool, heyyo kid. Not some greasy old dudes or ready to slap chicks.
Oh boy can I be wronger?
The mudafucka big kid started with right butt scratch using right hand.
Then followed up by left butt scratch with left hand.
And then did a wiggly body scratching using his seat like an alien snake.
I got itchy looking at him.
Also I said big two times because he spread his big thighs so wide it took 1/3 of my seat.
And now playing loud ass games on his phone.

Not a good sign for my Saturday.

I'm so close to giving up. Yesterday, I travelled 4 hours in one direction for a job interview for a graduate position as a web developer. As I arrived at the interview, I was welcomed by a senior dev and one of the HR people.

I sit down and they start explaining how everything will commence(standard procedure stuff) and afterwards hand me the technical test. At this time I am super calm cause I did my homework, checked out their products, their websites and knew right away what I was going to work on. As I turn the page, I see at the top with huge fucking capital letters "JAVA OOP test".

I take a minute and look back at them, like wtf is happening. Turns out that they are looking for a java dev. They picked me for the role because I had literally 1 fucking sentence in my CV and where I have said that I studied java in one semester of uni. FYI my entire portfolio, cv and cover letter are focused on JS, html, css both for client and server side.

As the fucking HR guy stood there and asked me "is there something wrong", I felt broken inside. For the first time in my fucking life I felt like I was done and couldn't continue anymore. I felt like this is some bitch-slap from karma about something but I still can't figure out what. I just walked out of there being unable to realize what happened.

I just feel like I should end my developer career before it has even started, just go do business analysis or something. Why the fuck would someone put a job description entirely talking about Angular, Less/SASS, bootstrap and jQuery and then say that is a Java dev OOP role. Who the fuck allows those people to take good salaries yet still deliver the up most shittiest quality service.

Before the interview, I checked out their websites which are simply horrendous with the comparability of a fucking baked potato. Idk really what to do, I don't mean to sound as a whiny little b.... but as I walked out of their office, I felt broken inside. Sorry for the long rant.

ffs take it easy with those fucking Captchas. If I have to solve a fucking Captcha every fucking time I click on a fucking link I want to slap your face

Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.

Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....

Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.

Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-

This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.

I had just started as an SDE intern, and was fiddling around with the code base.

Me: Hey, can you send me the link to our version control system?
Mentor: Umm, what!?
Me: You know, where we keep our code backup...
Mentor: Hmm, is there a need for that?
Me: Yeah, I mean, my past experience tells me to always backup code, just in case something goes wrong.
Mentor: Ohh, that's easy. I'll teach you how I do it.

So, he comes to my workplace, and does this:
1. Go to your workspace folder.
2. Right click it.
3. Zip it.
4. Open outlook.
5. Compose email.
6. Attach the zip file.
7. Mail to yourself.
8. That's how it's done!

I was like what the hell!?!?! Is this really happening?? And then he started basking in his glory, as if he had taught me some secret hack! Seeing this, I couldn't even get myself to introduce him to git. That was the worst part.

Just had the first meeting in the new company I'm working at.

Started at 1:00 pm
Ended at 5:30 pm

Almost had to slap myself in order to stay awake

😴

Today in work I spotted a shoddy solution within the system. When I looked up who'd implemented it I found out it was me 6 months ago... Feel like going back in time and giving myself a slap

Sometimes I want to slap myself.

I’ve been making progress with my voice activated TV remote project - coz you got to use a Google Home and a Raspberry pi for something right? Right??

Anyway, when the API you have written suddenly stops working and you’ve spent hours trying to solve it, it is really soul crushing when you realise you’re using a class variable incorrectly

I’ll just go cry now, while I control my tv 😥😎

Class TVAPI{
Private $tvIP = “192.xxx”;
Private $args = $this->decodeArgs($_GET);

Function of tvVolume(){
exec(“python tvRemote.py {$tvIP} {$this->args}”);
}
}

A couple of months back we were discussing sh with a third party vendor for a very large ass fuck system that another department uses. I had been called into the meeting because the entire I.T department counts on me to at least act as an assessor to the many issues that other departments might have.

the department for which i was working with manages the databases that our institution uses, and in this particular question the DBA (my best friend mind you) was part of the meeting.

Mind you, issues that the third party vendor were having were all fixed by our DBA, and he had documented and mentioned these items to me as I provided assistance to him through the 3 weeks prior to this meetings. Once such case was that we needed a transitioning as well as intermediary system for some processes to happen from one DB to the other and a lot of other technical babble. Well, the DBA used to be an excellent (fuck you) VB developer who recently re-learned the language into .net. He had shown me many of his old programs and even by the limitations of the language they were elegant and fascinating. They really are and ya'll devrant fam know that I ain't one to hate on tech at all.

When the DBA explained how he went around some of the issues by generating programs that could assist him, he mentioned the tech stack, I had coached him into knowing that being descriptive about the tools he used would be beneficial to everyone else. While he mentioned VB.NET the vendor snickered and my boy got quiet.

Then I broke the silence, fuck you. "what was that?" and the dude said "nothing, sorry"
So I said "no no, I want to know, I am not going past this point until you, the dude getting paid over $100 an hour for something YOU couldn't fix explain to me the little hehe moment you had"

The mfker went silent. then explained how he was aware that people were moving past vb.net and shit like that, me "imagine that, someone used a tech stack that your ignorance thought obsolete to fix something you could not solve, even though we are paying you for it, were it me or in my hands, and mind you i have direct access to the VP so this foolishness might change, I would have cut you and your little sect loose months ago, I have no patience, or appreciation from leeches like you or the rest of the "professionals" that work for your company or other similar entities, much less, as you can see, my patience runs even less when you people snicker at the solutions that our staff has to take when you all slack"

The entire meeting was uncomfortable as high heaven.

Fuck you, if someone I know manages to run shit on fucking liberty basic then so fucking be it. I will slap you 10 fucking times over, and then fuck your girl, if you try to put someone else down for the tech stacks you use.

I hate neck beards, BUT I hate fake ass neckbeards ever more

*Colin Farrell in true detective mode: FUCK....YOU

I enjoy watching the Microsoft events, as they always introduce something completely new, that no one's really made before. Unlike certain companies *cough* Apple *cough* who just slap a better processor on their existing devices and calls it "revolutionary". I like all this innovation

This had me laughing out loud this morning, my wife just looked at me funny as I tried to explain it to her.

Major update went good through the IT side.

Somehow on a different department, some moron botched up what he had to do (he has a technical role, but he is no programmer or analyst or anything like that and even though he is an admin (with big fucking quotes) no one here would call him so.

He fucks his shit up, and the DBA and myself have to go and fix it. Fine, whatever.

Why am I ranting? Because this bitch sent an email tagging half the board and every other VP stating that it was I.T's fault this happened. Somehow, she had forgotten that she had tagged me into that email since she tagged the Web Developer section email.

I did not give two flying fucks and in front of everyone called them out on what actually happened. I was polite and used some very non-directed "bitch it was you" comments. But it pissed me off that she did that shit behind I.T's back.

Everyone in that email replied saying thank you.....except for her.

I will slap a hoe, I swear.

To whoever in the history of this godforsaken app I’m tasked with has commingled PHP with ColdFusion, I have a message for you:

Fuck you...fuck your momma, fuck yo daddy, fuck yo computer, fuck yo keyboard, fuck yo mouse, fuck the clothes on your back, fuck monitors that displayed this shit, fuck your fingers in particular, fuck yo brain, fuck whoever dropped yo on your head as an infant, fuck the car you drove to work in, fuck the servers running this shit, fuck anybody who was involved with your education, and if I see you on the street ima slap the shit out of you.

geeksay
Turn layman text 👶 to geeky version 🤓!

Jesus Fuck, is it so hard to slap a motherfucking 'Delete Account' button somewhere on that trashpile of 5000 different Javascript-frameworks and bootstrap you call website?!
No I don't want to deactivate it, I want you to DELETE all the information you have on me, preferably without having to fucking beg some low-life suppport agent in India (no offense intended) via E-Mail to do his goddamn duty...

Interviewer = I, Me = M

I: What is your project all about?

M: It is about reading data from memory of a program and transfer it to output register via a dedicated bus attached inside CPU and then projecting data of registers onto LCD crystals of display.

I: Can you show the working of your project?

M: Runs "hello world" program

Me - 1, Interviewer - Slap on my cheeks with shoe in one hand.

FFUUUuucccckkk me sideways. So I decided to look into USB type-c's power delivery and alt modes. Cause I kinda want to make an adapter card to run my displays over a single cable. TLDR of the rest: USB-C has some huge capabilities which noone is interested in using since its way to complex to handle for what its worth in the end.
Now PD alone is kinda ok to deal with since a lot of powerbanks use it and some hobby guys documented how to work with it. I find it really odd thou that you NEED to use a dedicated IC for using the configuration chanel to negotiate how much power you can draw. Why the USB standard didnt use some simple 5V low speed signalling? Also the standard says that you only have to implement 5v 0.6A with every other power level being optional. (This is also true for cables. Most manufacturers use only the USB 2.0 standard for them and brag about how fast type-C is. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) )
Now to the alt modes. These motherfuckers are a real shitshow to deal with. First you need a Mux to deal with USB-C's two way insertion, so your signals wont get flipped. Next thing is that you have four lanes at your disposal in alt mode. Which you can either use for four Display Port Lanes or two DP lanes and two USB 3.0 lanes. (You always get USB 2.0) Now you may think that there would be one simple chip to do it all? Nope you need atleast two at the price of 6$ each. One for PD and one for Alt modes. Both are very hard to solder (QFN, 0.5 mm pitch 40+ pins) TI ended up being the only one with a decent offering of IC's that do what I need. As for working with them, you would think that you just slap a simple MCU on there that communicates over I2C or SPI to configure the chips? Nope! You program the chips memory from which it configures itsself. And the programming is done with some TI tool which gives me no idea as to how you can handle everything whith no control logic behind it.
Looking into alternative IC's leaves me with cypress semi. And their documentation is basically a total mess. I wanna know what that chip is good for and what I need to do to make it work. I dont care about technical details mixed with marketing jargon nobody understands. And I really despise that I have to register just to download a datasheet. Especially since there is no info about it on the main page.
And this whole rant hasnt even touched the topic that USB-C only uses DP and nothing else. So you better hope that you have DP++ so you can use a passive conversion.
This was my Ted Talk about USB-C. Some info in it may be subject to my stupidity and errors as it currently is 02:15 in the morning and I need some sleep.

My lead developer has a tendency of saying "that movie fucking sucks" every time I mention a movie.

From Saturday to Sunday, I have seen ready player one a total of 6 times. If tomorrow I mention it and he says that it sucked I am gonna go ahead and Texas bitch slap him across the face with the power of Spielberg.

There is only so much trolling I can take my dudes. And I really fucking enjoyed the movie.

If you haven't seen it then please go ahead!!!

When your brain comes up with "You can refactor this later,too!" Slap yourself in the face as hard as you can

Transistor sizes are getting smaller and smaller by the day, though we cannot go below the size of a virus due to compartment limitation but the tiniest is smaller than a DNA.
Having chips designed at such a tiny scale looks more scary to me than amazing. Imagine my manager screaming at me, I can give him a slap on the face and infect him with 1 million A8 chips. Now that would be amazing because I just successfully turned him into an iPhone 6.

Me: Hey Siri, what's the weather now?
Manager: 32 degree Fahrenheit, high wind, low humidity.
Me: Yeah that's what's up, you won't be needing an upgrade anytime soon.

After months of searching for jobs, ended up I got called by a guy who claimed that he would want to partner with me to start a company. Well, I would love to start one, not without certain knowledge.

The so-called "partner" has a very bad attitude, unable to communicate, blames others for his own wrongdoing, arrogant, gullible and ignorant.

He asked me whether I believe in a deity (God). He demanded me to swear to the "upper heavens" that I will get "eternal punishment" if I ever cheated or betray his every decision.

This is a huge red flag!

I just want to have a "will smith slap" him so hard.

I wish I could slap my boss while he is asking me to work on weekends without extra pay!!

Meeting with a co-worker who is supposed to do a code analysis on a large legacy project. Actually, HER project - she inherited it already years ago, and the original devs aren't in the company anymore.

Her: customer is asking this and that analysis.
Me: easily two weeks.
Her: but who will do that?
Me: you of course.
Her: but I don't know most of the code.
Me: me neither.
Her: and I don't know the protocols.
Me: google them. I'd have to do the same.

Really, I told her to google shit, which I consider as quite a slap for a co-worker. Basically, she tried to offload a complex analysis because she just wants the low effort parts of the job.

Won't happen. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!

People who use a jQuery plugin to display and style radio buttons.........

Recently in a project of mine people started to raise tons of issues and suggesting fixes "just slap this module on it", "just do this", "just do that". And no respect for the project whatsoever. Code contributions? Don't even think about it.

The users raising these do not know what language the project is written in, they do not know whether it supports modules at all (let alone that particular one), and they have no idea whatsoever what the code is like, or how this suggestion 99% of the time would not at all integrate with the overall structure of the project. And aside from all that, don't fucking tell me what to do with my project!

My question is, how do you deal with these people? All I can think of is "wontfix™️" or even "cantfix™️" in some cases. Given that this is an endless slew of users, anything long-term?

My god the wall looks really punchable right now. Let me tell you why.

So I’m working on a data mining project, and I’m trying to get data from google trends. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of roadblocks for what should have been an easy task.

First it won’t give a raw search volume, only relative “interest”.
Fortunately it lets me compare search terms, which would work for my needs however it will only let me compare a few at a time. I need to compare 300.

So my solution is simple: compare all the terms relative to one term. Simple enough, but it would be time consuming so I figured I’d write a program to get the data.

But then I learned that they don’t have an official api. There’s a node module for this very thing based on a python module that reverse engineers the api endpoints. I thought as long as it works I’d use it.

It does work... But then I discovered that google heavily rate limits the endpoints.

So... I figured I’d build a system to route the requests through different tor nodes to get around the rate limit. Good solution right? Well like a slap to the face, after spending way to much time getting requests through tor working, I discovered that THEY FUCKING BLOCKED TOR IPS.

So I gave up, and resigned to wait 5 hours for my program to get the data... 1 comparison at a time... 60s interval between requests. They, of course, don’t tell you the rate limit threshold, so this is more or less a guess (I verified that 30s interval was too short and another person using the module suggested 60s).

Remember when I said the discovery that the blocked tor came like a slap to the face? This came as a sledge hammer to the face: for some reason my program didn’t dump the data at the end. I waited 5 fucking hours to get nothing.

I am so mad right now. I am so fucking mad.

My coworker asked where his toolbar was.
I said I removed it for him because... you all probably know why
He literally slapped me and yelled at me.
I know going onto his computer was wrong but Jesus Christ no need to fucking slap me

Sometime this year(what is left of it) or the next I will be promoted to the senior developer in charge of two schools.....

I already thought that the level of work that me and the current senior do is way too fucking much for two people. Can't really fathom all of it just being me without seeing a substantial increase in salary(there is one in place for it...but shit man I know myself and even then I am going to bitch about it repeatedly)

What sucks the most is that I can't wing it or just not give a fuck(my preferred technique) since I really like my department, my coworkers and specially my manager.

Its her fault. It really is. She is just so likeable and I really can't imagine not giving her anything other than my 100 .

And before everyone states that it should be 100 from the get go. I am not particularly fond of giving my all for a company/institution. Never.

The reason is that I have been fucked with way more times than I can count and normally feel that regardless of how much of a total badass I can be I will never see the full compensation of it. It has happened on every other job. So instead of working for the company I work for my team. If I don't like my team I don't give a fuck.

I am a good worker, was an excellent soldier and I am an even better engineer. But there is always this feeling that I am being taken advantage of that I just can't shake off everywhere that I am working at.

Even now, the reason why the lead is leaving is because of how he was fucked over during the reclassification process. It was a slap to him in the face. Now this glorious institution will lose someone that is really amazing all because they take shit for granted.

Everyone is a number, an id. As irreplaceable as we are they treated him as someone that would just take shit and be fine with it.

And trust me, where I am at, we ARE irreplaceable, this ain't cali where you flip a stone and you get 100 node/php devs. This is 0 man ground where devs are fucking wizards that no one knows exist.

Oh well.

Sometimes I get so frustrated seeing my old code, I wanna travel back in time and slap myself!

fucking hate how some sites deliberately break their own scroll functionality if you haven't logged in/accepted gdpr nonsense/signed up for a newsletter.

It's such an easy fix (most of them just slap style="overflow:hidden;" to their <html> tag) but I still think it's very loathsome

YOU. If you can't be arsed to change the default wallpaper, the terminal/gtk theme on a fucking laptop you use everyday, turn off Intel graphics screen rotation shortcuts, move the taskbar somewhere, install a Vue.js/Augury (Angular tool) Chrome plugin so you can actually debug stuff, Git for Windows or even this fucking trash of a player that is VLC, comb your hair the other way for once in your fucking lifetime if you have it, buy a different shirt than the same one you already have, fucking anything at all - fuck you!
BTW Don't be surprised when I don't take your fucking advice about the layout of the site I'm working on.

Also I secretly FUCKING HATE YOU just because.
Nothing personal kiddo. Except it is.

Fucking go out there and make the world around more suited to your tastes, every fucking human has them! Just change the fucking wallpaper, so I'll know you have at least a little bit of fucking personality in you! Slap a pic of some hi-rez tits on that screen! ANYTHING AT ALL.

Whew. That's been brewing in me for a long time.
A motivational doggo for you lads.

The tale of the asinine Typescript framework guy continues:

>guy makes a framework
>promotes it
>people don't wanna use it because it's mediocre
>doesn't care, he still promotes it
>people started criticizing his framework
>won't listen
>calls his critics haters
>thinks PH tech guys are way behind the world
>says a lot of bad takes in tech himself
>such as NodeJS used as a front-end
>people tryna correct his bad takes
>calls them haters too
>people start complaining
>gets banned in many PH tech communities
>except one
>total windbag in there
>somebody calls him out, explains why they hate him
>he says his framework will be famous and we will all be eating dust
>heckler tells him he is not only the person in the open source community and tells him a famous Filipino open source contributor
>says he doesn't know this famous contributor and he doesn't care
>challenges heckler to confront him face to face
>heckler calls his bluff and gives a place and time to meet
>big guy agrees to meet
>people are clamoring for him to shut up
>admin tells him and the heckler to shut up
>big guy pushes it
>calls the admin (female) a puta (whore)
>gets banned
>goes on Facebook saying that his heckler will not show up in that place despite it being the favorite hangout place of the heckler since 2017
>that he is being banned because of haters
>people call him out on his Facebook posts and he takes them down
>people in the tech community started thrashing his Github with prank forks and PRs
>guy tries to shame them on Facebook
>gets rekt by tech people
>goes on Twitter saying that backward PH devs are oppressing him
>even tagging the famous devs

@marcusignacius I have lost total sympathy for this guy and his framework. Arrogant, petulant, childish, and uncharitable. honestly he brought this on himself.

Somebody honestly slap him this rant on Twitter pretty please.

My job sends out emails with things like "You won a prize!" In the subject line with embarrassingly vague reasons to click the links in the email. If you do, the links take you to a site where they slap your wrists for clicking an unknown link and teach you about the dangers of phishing.

It's fake spam. Ironically enough, though, it's the ONLY spam I ever get. It's more annoying than real spam because it never gets blocked by the system like an actual phishing attack would...

It is driving me crazy having to delete these stupid messages every day and they're clogging up my otherwise clean inbox! I don't even know who to contact about this bullshit because they're so "haha we got you!" about it, there's no department claiming responsibility. They're creating their own spam trying to prevent spam. What the hell?

I need to invent time travel so I can go back to Friday morning and slap my past self for thinking that Linux From Scratch might be a fun weekend project. I should've gone to bed four hours ago and instead I've been shouting at LLVM.

It really makes me appreciate the hard work that Linux distro maintainers put in to keep all the pieces up-to-date and compatible with each other. I already want to put my fist through my monitor and I'm only trying to maintain a single virtual machine.

My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

So, someone is trying to catfish me in some social media.
And I can make a few guesses about who it might be. Or maybe I'm being paranoid and all the accounts contacting me randomly, are just spam bots.

But this isn't the first time. From a hateful ex, to someone I turned down because I had zero feelings for, to even random stalkers who found me online and thought that I was the best choice for obsessing over, I've seen different types of online ghosts.

Like... why is it that it takes so much for some people to be decent? Why can't you just say it to my face (aka directly), get your answer, and then fuck off? And if you're actually obsessing, it is not my problem. See a fucking therapist.

Anywho, aside from the wish to be able to occasionally deliver an online slap, and occasionally wishing that everyone on the internet had an ID to be found IRL, I would like for internet to be a less hateful/harassing/terrorizing/bullying/discriminating place. I like internet. I have so many awesome friends on the internet.

I just needed to rant about it so it doesn't weigh on my mind. Now I'm gonna go back to ignoring them and living my own life peacefully. I hope y'all have a good day. 🙂

So one of my teachers is forcing us to make a website for a project and she really has to learn what she's talking about before she says one more thing coz I finna slap her.

So she was telling us how to embed an interactive Google map to out weebly (kill me), and she, I kid you not, said this while copying the embed thing: "So guys, this is actually like you're coding so that's cool". I know it was just one small comment, but it made me so mad that:

She used the verb, "coding",
She thinks that HTML is a programming language,
And that she thinks copying and pasting is coding.

Well, okay, that last one may be correct on her part.

How to fucking unscrew this little shit.

I was able to unscrew the rest just fine. But just when I'm down to the last remaining screw, this lone fucker decides to put on a fecken feight.

I already tried everything. I used a screwdriver that fits perfectly. Rotated it for god knows how long. Attached a strong magnet to amplify the screwdriver's magnetic fuckery. Tried unscrewing upside down to add gravitational force. Tried chopsticking the fuck outta it. Slapped the back of it like I slap rice sacks in supermarkets. Ran physics simulations on a supercomputer. Still won't come off.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

It's just there, looking like it's about to come off with a dip of a magnetic screwdriver but IDK WHY IT WON'T COME OFFKZKKXJZJKZ!!1

You wanna put on a fight? Fine. Resist while you still can. Because once you come off, oh ho... I'm gonna do bad things to you fucker. Imma screw you in your hole till your head spins like crazy. (To screw it back ofc.)

How do I slap a blockhead who keeps interjecting me in a Zoom meeting?

If any of you list coffee as a dev productivity tip i will slap someone

Things story points are great for:
- Helping the team estimate their workload for a sprint
- Discussing the relative complexity of a task / story

Things I will slap you for, hard:
- Arguing that all the easy stories you plan to pick are actually infinite story points to make you look better
- Going "yeahhhh look at me I did 5 more story points this sprint than Bob, I'm amazinggggg"
- Trying to subtly change the story point assignment after you pick a task so you can do the above while doing sod all work
- "Hmm your team only did x story points this sprint, but team poopoo over there did x+10, what's going on?!"

Funny topic. I normally am very understanding of incompetence when it comes from nothing more than lack of experience. Happens to all who at one point is a junior dev.
As long as people have the willingess to learn I find myself being very understanding.

I take a lot of effort in helping others, I don't mind at all, and I would rather take them extra 10 mins to explain how to do something than to slap people with rtfm and then blame them completely when their lack of experience messes up stuff. I also take care of providing isolated environments and giving explanations. Even when they screw up, it is isolated from the rest and I can teach them what was wrong, most of the time they figure it out themselves. It has made my coworkers respect me more, rather than being a total dick that believes that what I do is sacred and should be spared from newbs (like all the idiots in S.O) i take the approach of a very patient mentor.

But I am a hippie, shit works for me.

But I do not excuse shitty attitudes and arrogance. I find that not knowing is fine, but acting as if one knows all and then fucking shit up makes it bad.
Which is when I change, I am a hippie but can get violent pretty quickly.

I have been screwed over shitty attitudes more than incompetence.

I'm here in my bed. I can't sleep and in less than 5 hours I will have an important exam. I was thinking that a few months ago I went to a IT company as a school program. I would have to stay there for 2 weeks and "work" for them.

Upon arrival, the guy who had to monitor me gave me a sheet of paper with 5 alghoritmic problems to solve. He tells me to use java and hands me a laptop. naturally with windows. I try to look for some ideas but I can not find anything. I go to the control panel and search for something. Obviously there is a lot of bloatware and nothing catches my attention. then strangely I find something called oracle ... something ... but when trying to open it it gives me an error.

Fuck me. I decided to open notebook(normal one not ++ or something) and start solving the problems trying to remember the names of the methods and the classes based on what I had learned in school. then the guy comes back and looks at me puzzled. I tell him I did not find any IDE for java and the only one I found seem to give me an error. The guy double clicks and the program opens...fucking shit... He tells me to finish the problems and goes away perplexed. I copy the code from notepad to the IDE, I check the errors, I run it and the add some comments and I call the guy. he looks at the code, says that everything seems fine and then assigns me other things to do.

Now. HOW FUCKING STUPID MUST SOMEONE BE TO THINK THAT WRITING JAVA IN NOTEPAD IS A VIABLE CHOICE, AMONG ALL THE POSSIBLE SANE CHOICES I COULD HAVE MADE LIKE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE ERROR OF THE IDE OR CALL THE GUY... NO. MY LITTLE SHOTTY FUCKING BRAIN DECIDED THAT NOTEPAD WAS A GOOD CHOICE. IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME IN THE SAME MOMENT THAT I OPENED NOTEPAD I WOULD BITCH SLAP MYSELF SO HARD THAT I WOULD LOSE MY SOULD AND THE LAST 2 NEURON THAT MADE THAT SHITTY CHOICE. I WOULD BITCH SLAP MYSELF SO HARD THAT THE KINETIC ENERGY PRODUCED WOULD COLLAPSE THE UNIVERSE ITSELF. AND FROM THE DARKNESS A NEW UNIVERSE WILL BE BORN. A UNIVERSE WHERE THERE IS NO JAVA OR WINDOWS. A UNIVERSE WHERE MY 2 NEURONS WOULD HAVE MADE THE SHITTIEST DUMBEST CHOICE EVER IN A I LAST MISERABLE SELF DESTRUCTIVE ATTEMPT.

but then I come on devrant and I read about people who did thing worse than writing java on notepad and then everything is fine

PS my English is so bad I had to use Google translate, write an original version, translate it and do a side by side comparison with my translated version to check If I could improve something. Don't now If It improved the quality or not...

!rant

I've seen some rants about people complaining about websites using the 'www' subdomain, so I'd like to take this opportunity to try to explain my opinion about why sites might use it.

I use to feel the same way about not having the www subdomain. It felt like an outdated standard that serves no purpose. But I have changed my option...

Sometimes certain servers have other services running other than just the website, such as ssh, ftp, sql, etc., running on different ports. What if you want to use a web proxy and caching service similar to cloudflare or a cdn? We'll you can't, because they won't allow traffic to flow through to your other ports.

That's where the www subdomain comes in. Enable your caching and cdn on your www subdomain, and slap a 301 redirect from your primary domain on port 80 or 443 to the www subdomain. This still allows you to access your other services via the domain name while still gaining the benefits of using a cdn.

Now I know you could use an 'ftp' subdomain or the like, but to each their own in that regard.

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

So now Microsoft is suddenly deciding devices that "weren't" compatible are now perfectly compatible with Windows 11, and they're rolling this out in bunches at a time.

I still get "This device can not support Windows 11" but my coworkers are starting to see "Upgrade NOW!" and it's honestly gotten a bit sour seeing as I may be next. They're bypassing those who're editing the registry to stop this, too.

If I have to start diving into the deep ends of Windows and find out what IP Windows gets it's updates just to slap it into my HOSTS file, we're already in the apocalypse.

This upgrade is not bad for common people, but upon seeing that the Start menu GUI and taskbar got butchered horribly (I place my taskbar on top of the screen, Windows 11 doesn't allow for that) I myself absolutely want as much distance between me and that shit as possible.

In college, I've been hearing my fellow classmates having issues with Windows 11 left and right, including with how hard it is to get another browser to even work, to the Windows Store not even downloading Microsoft's own apps, to endless update loops, to the infamous "Update of Death"

Keep in mind, they got computers with better specs than mine, and they're having a worse experience. A lot of them just got refunds to the very last issue I just mentioned, all within August, day of purchase to day of return.

Microsoft, I am begging you for mercy, I'm so close to just getting up, finding out where you are, and blocking you from my network at all network and device levels.

awesome-eli5
Tech "explained" Like you're Five!

The web is just a fucked up place. Anytime i have an idea and wanna slap together an mvp, i always feel like web standards are just made by people who have no professional training and once every year come up with some bullshit so they dont get fired.

Figure 1: cors
You wpuld think that setting "access-control-allow-origin" to * would let, well, * through, like in every other field of programming, but no, make sure all 97 other headers match or you will just get a cors error. The server expects application/json and you didnt specify that? Fuck you, have a cors error. Both express and flask have specific packages addressing this one problem so i guess im not the only one.

Figure 2: frameworks
Remember reactive programming? Remember rxjs? No you dont because all frameworks reimplement rx with shadow dom fuckery. Did you know you can have your fucking templates with 5 lines of rxjs code? Amazing huh?

Figure 3: php
It still exists for some reason.

So our junior dev constantly asks really obvious things. But this one question really takes the cake.
So we have a small programm that opens a file browser and puts the selected files path in a line edit text box. So he comes over to me and says its broken because he cant edit the path in the text box. Weird, this shouldnt happen at all. Turns out this more than braindead tortoise thought it was just a regular piece of uneditable text and didnt even try to edit it. Its a FUCKING OBVOIUS EDITABLE TEXTBOX!!!!!
I facepalmed so hard that moment you could hear the slap half a mile away!

Teehee exdee look at me I'm currently facing [insert typical quirk with language] I must be achieving zen in [insert language] ohemgee so frustrating rawr >.< xD I can make a heavy sigh and slap a sticker on my laptop with a funny teehee ell oh ell programmers only funny funny joke about <table> flipping EXxxxDEEEeeeeee!!1

My biggest problem with designers is when they have no empathy for the platform(s). Here's a design that I made based on my love of graphic design and Photoshop. Over to you to just slap it on iOS, Android and web. Ends up as a substandard result everywhere.

And, of course, the Photoshop designs look great to managers.

Found this beautiful piece of code, that I wrote apparently a year ago .... oh my 😂 🤦‍♂ 😅
If I could travel back in time, I would would slap myself for doing this. Although I remember, why I did this, because of many min()/max() operations that I needed. I wanted to keep the code, so that I would know, which code piece belonged to which part, but man ... is that badly written! Nowadays with Clean Code style, I would certainly do it differently.

So, as I'm currently cut off from the world of tech, my anxiety in regards to research has settled and I actually enjoy doing it again on my terms. It just makes me jealous to look at all these people developing cool stuff and wanting to get in on the project and maybe improve a part or two, particularly the robot kind. I want to slap some neural nets on majority of the robotic shit I see, or optimize them, or do something to make them more robust... But I don't have a research position right now where I can spend time and money doing that. So I just sit in front of my laptop and sulk.

... And literally this is why we can't have nice things. Cuz I'm not hired to make nice things. Literally.

Ah, the little subtle things we have to iron out as we progress from Junior Developer to Medior Developer.. things like:

- knowing the difference between a carriage return and a line feed (although having worked with analog typewriters helps) and later knowing that Unix-based systems and Windows NT-based systems implement it differently..

- knowing that serialization is important because not all computers interpret data the same way and some computers allocate 4 Bytes for a construct, others 16 Bytes.. and then we get the funkiness of transferring character sets between machines..

- knowing that a whitespace character is not only an actual space (as is known in ASCII as code 32). This one can cause even medior developers a headache, as in: why the fuck does this string function say that "hello I am a duck" and "hello I am a duck" are not the same?! Turns out then in the debugger that when you expand every character in the string you see that string1 contains 32 32 32 32 as usual.. but then string2 contains -96 -96 -96 -96 and you're like.. what the fuck..? Then you know you have to throw \\h regex at it. Haha.

- finalizing our objects and streams (although modern languages do that for us).. otherwise we have to do funky shit like trying to find what's locking a file, which is not so easy to figure out.

- figuring out why something won't work often requires you to not only break down the problem in smaller steps, to use a debugger, but sometimes it's even better to just create a proof of concept, slap some minimal code in there and debug that.. much easier.

- etc.

:)

i can't believe there was a point in time where i said this. why didn't anyone slap me?

Design patterns are not a catalogue for programmers problems.

The amount of brainless coders that just slap around these patterns because they were taught that it will magically solve everything is amazing.

Something isn't working, I play around with the code, and try all possible things in the code. Still it doesn't work. Spend a couple of hours reading each and every line but still in vain. Finally, I find out that I was editing the wrong file (same file at another location) the whole time!! This happened a couple of times when I was a newbie, one of my most annoying mistakes.
Lesson learnt: Now when anybody asks me to debug his code, I first edit/add a print statement to make sure this is the correct file. I thought I was being skeptical, but it has saved me a lot of time (mostly interns do this rookie mistake).

Ok guys I need advice, haven't posted in a long time.

A profesor is asking my team to build a java application that runs on a server with a very specific tech-stack (database, container, encryption, use-case and UI design) it's basically a fully fledged app that I know would cost somebody hundreds if not thousands to buy. The thing is I'm getting the feeling he's using us to write this code and then later distribute it while all we get is 20/100 points we need to pass the course. I heard rumors...

So what I wanna do is throw it on github (he's obviously expecting me to open source it at which point he forks it and bam!) and slap the most restrictive license on it. Now I don't have much experience with licensing or this sort of thing... any advice? I want to be able to go at his throat if I ever find out he used my code which I'm supposed to spend 3 weeks writing for free for a fucking "uni" project that's worth a fifth of my grade in that one semester course!

!Dev

As a something-designer and content writer, you would say I am pretty much used with people stealing my ideas and then bragging with them, right? Well, yeah, but not when I am fucking backstabbed by my OWN FUCKING ASSHOLE-FIANCE (hi, hun).
In our little depressing family, I am the one with ideas. One day he starts to work at a little very basic app and he starts bragging with it at me (mostly disrupting me while working). So I start giving him ideas based on what he experienced at work and what he could add to this management app so nobody will get the same shit as he did + several things + I basically designed it from scratch, how it should look, what it should do, who should access what etc. Anyway, he starts implementing them and then I told him „Well this is nice, how about we sell it”. I advise him on what kind of possible clients he should search for and how to negotiate and etc. Well, he goes to a meeting with somebody interested in this application, after, he calls me back AND HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THIS TO ME :

- Good news, MY APPLICATION would lead us in*blabla* market.

BITCH, YOU BETTER SLAP YOURSELF `CAUZ EXCEPT FOR THE CODE THAT SHIT IS MINE ALMOST FROM SCRATCH. SO SCREW YOU AND YOUR FUCKING NEED TO SUCK YOUR OWN DICK.

(i said that to him on the phone)

Starting to get really hyped about how my book is progressing, thinking about starting to put some promotional items and desk tat together...

Oh lord I'm a better author than a dev, someone slap me...

(I'm slightly terrified that it might actually get finished and may have fans so my mind is sort of melting into sludge and I hide it behind excitement)

21 days of X - Make 2018 productive!

Wtf is a 0.25% equity in a barely functioning startup which you helped build from scratch????

Y'all Vim (anti)fanboyz be like "ha! try to exit Vim!"

And then there's me, Emacs fanboy... my first shortcut was to undo a change - Ctrl+Z. Guess who looked at the monitor like if he got a wet slap?

Note: it minimizes the window and I blinked right in that while.

I was copying data from a failing zfs drive with rsync and I noticed that it spent a long time on the file ~/.local/share/Baloo/index

du -h index showed a 500ish MB file which didn't seem large enough to take this long.

I recalled that du shows disk usage, not file size and since I was using zfs compression they could be quite different.

so I added -A for apparent size:

du -hA index and it comes back with 1.7E

The file was 1.7 exabytes...

The on thing in an email pisses me off more than “Do the needful”, Or “raised a request”, or even referring to me by my last name is ending an email with “Please advise”.......

Holy Hell. I have never wanted to reach through my monitor and slap the shit out of someone so much. Want to piss me off. Yeah. Finish an email with please advise. Gharrrr!!!

We don't have a designer yet in the team so we had to learn Adobe XD on the side to prototype our ideas. After months of getting the hang of it thinking this semi-free tool will work for us to save some money, Adobe decides to change their pricing plans starting in April 2020 and it will no longer be free. It feels like Adobe trapped us to get used to their platform and then secretly slap us with a price tag halfway. We can't blame them since we're all trying to put food on the table here. We started exploring Figma today and oh boy was it a gift from the gods! The features are so much better. They make our workflow faster!

Took me solid 9min to realise I'm changing admin settings on testing server, was mindfucked why my local is not reflecting any changes.
Now I want to slap myself.....

Did some changes and raised a code review. Some lines' indentation don't align. The senior dev (reviewer) asks me to format according to the project scheme.
Changed all tabs to spaces; lines don't align.
Changed all spaces to tabs (with a heavy heart); surprisingly it still doesn't align!!
I'm like okay, let's dive deeper.. Found that the surrounding lines were indented this way: 4 spaces followed by a tab..!! SERIOUSLY!?! WHY? HOW? I mean how does this kind of shit happen?!
Worst part -> getting ship it after following the current convention!

Every month I re-evaluate the code I had written previously to compare my progress in coding standards...
Turns out I need a time machine to go back in time and slap myself

When I got X up and running at 1am for the first time on my first computer, 486 SX 25MHz with 8 MB or ram.

The program SuperProbe is probably depicted now, but it got me up and running back then.

Shit swizzler in school group project doesn't delete ANY code. Just comments out everything, everywhere.

Some of the files is scrolling through 30 lines of comments, 2 actual lines of code, 20 lines of comments, 5 lines of actual code, ...

Somewhere, in between all of his shit code, I just want to add: "Fucking stop with the comments, you wheezing bag of dicktits"

Oh and this afternoon, he asked me where he could find the Bootstrap code I'd written. He couldn't find 'the file'. I had to explain to him that it's kinda everywhere, throughout the HTML.. As a novice in many many things I fully understand not knowing everything. But the little shitstick told me he 'uses bootstrap all the time' just two hours before he asked me this.

I swear everything this guy touches turns to shit. One more day of this and I'll slap the bitch out of him.

P.S. Free virtual advocado for the first person to guess what movie inspired my insults (easy, I know)

!!rant
Types of elitists in the computer science area I REALLY HATE:
* Linux kernel developers: if they hear anything that's not linux you will be prosecuted
* functional programing developers (haskell, scheme, etc): they will bitch slap you if you even dare to mention php or javascript

Cengage's shit wanted me to rewrite Bubble Sort in Python. The test also said bubble sort was "the most efficient sorting method."

How does one slap someone in the face with a concept? Someone's getting their shit pushed in with timsort.

Your client is making you consider killing someone. How do you invent a device that allows you to reach into the internet and slap your client?

Gna gna gna Chrome you stupid sucker!

I have some objects that I animate using JS triggered CSS translate with a transition duration. Why on earth would Chrome think it's a good idea to apply that duration also after the animation when I zoom the whole page?!

OK, slap a transition end handler on the object and reset the transition duration when the animation is done. But FF doesn't have that problem in the first place, and even IE works as intended!

Agencies... Just hate when people are given only time enough for doig crap code, because "there is no budget". Hate even more to work on changes on top of it, because people just dont get why you take so long to do changes that supposed to be simple, ignoring the fact that previously they asked for some slap-dash shit. What do they think, that with time the code cleanup and tidy up itself?

The best way to debug a program is to boast about it to your family and friends...
It would throw an error in your face almost all the time...
*Feels like a slap on the face*

I'm frustrated with an abundance of different *Ops we're having right now. You can spell a random word followed by "Ops", and it's probably a thing. I get that Ops people in general are important but when there is stuff like GitOps, MLOps, FinOps, it gets confusing pretty damn fast. There's no value in all these titles besides "duh" usually, since Ops are just Ops in most situations. They kinda can slap a tracing tool or two on top of your code base but in general they just do Kubernetes (with whatever's hip like Jaeger, etc.) nowadays and that's it. Hell, even "DevOps Engineers", for a majority of cases you'll encounter, are basically just Ops with a misleading prefix since it's just a way people call them nowadays for whatever reason.

Everyone in this team calls everything a team effort, but once I start offering my help, they be like "no, I can do it. I know more than you".

Hmm. yeah, but you (sysadmin) use jQuery and vanillajs mixed. For example: $('#hello') and document.getElementById('hello').
Also you put console.logs everywhere, I don't mind putting console.logs in development, but not in production.
Oh and he copies the libraries to every folder that needs it, so there are at least 12 jquery libs in this project and the version is not even the same. Lol.... Please slap me to death.

There is another networkadmin that calls himself a (python) developer. He doesn't agree with my simplicity.

His work (just an example, changed names but you get the idea)
"A notebook that is used by x-department"

Model: Notebook
endpoint: department-notebooks

Model: DepartmentConfigs
Endpoint: notebook-department-configs
You won't believe what he put in 'department'configs, it's literally hardware vendor, model, versions.

Like... really? What the hell you doing man?!
Just have these models for example: device, department, vendor, product, category

We do not only have notebooks, but also servers, routers, switches and more.

His argument of having configs in the name is that they do more complex things. Hmm, I don't see it in the code and the data is messed up:
Microsoft, microsoft, micro soft.

He fixed it by hardcoding it in a select box. Mickysoft isn't the only vendor, fuck you!

fuck this team, fuck these people

Another fucking rant, a story was assigned to me. But that stupid fake developer worked on it immediately and message me he fixed it already. I guess he won't let me touch his baby.

Everything is just piling up. This team and people aren't fun at all.

CAUTION: possibly NSFL

There was a war. We lived in a leftist camp inside an abandoned railway station. The only thing that could break the siege was BLA

[dream fragment lost]

So they lined us up. There were ten of us.
— Do you want the leftist future?
— No…, they made me say.
— Do you love capitalism?
— Yes…, they made me say.
— Ты готова присниться?, they asked my female comrade ("are you ready to come to our soldiers in their dreams to support them?")
— Yes.
— Ты готов расшибиться?, they asked me ("are you ready to work your ass off, dying in the process if necessary?". It also makes a perfect rhyme with the previous Russian sentence)
— Yes.
Then, they tied our hands and hung us onto a rack. They doused us with gasoline.
— Look. Czechoslovakia had Jan Palach. We have ten Jan Palachs now!
They set us on fire. I feel an unimaginable pain. I wake up for ten minutes.
When I fell asleep again, I found out I survived. But, my body underwent modifications: first, I now had a vinyl shell instead of my skin. Underneath it were raw muscles. Second, I no longer had vocal cords. I no longer had voice.
In this world, we were slaves ("Тяговые люди") ruled by BLA. There were no prisons. Instead, there were only two punishments: the "light" one and the "heavy" one. First one is your shell getting ripped off. You die in around 20 minutes of agonizing pain, like mink that is skinned alive in Chinese leather tanneries. But, compared to the second one, that was a slap on the wrist.
The "heavy" punishment was them injecting you with "The Ferment". Immediately, your mind is altered into total obedience. Then, your body begins to turn into corpse juice. To outside observers, you die in 30 days. But for you, it feels like forever, as time speeds up indefinitely, and you're drifting into endless sorrow. When you die, no one notices, as your shell is still there. But instead of you, there's now nothing but corpse juice inside.

I now worked in some location that resembled Duke Nukem 3D's first map. My job was to remove those plastic shells. I had no bottom — it was replaced with a concrete cube that felt pain just like damaged tooth enamel does. An endless queue of shells moved in front of me. I had to remove their shells, to peel them off like vinyl.
Some people were alive underneath. They still had their skin. They thanked me, smile at me and wander away.
Some of them were alive, but had no skin. That means I was the one to execute a "light" punishment on them.
Some of them weren't there. I pop the shell open, and it deflates as corpse juice pours out.

One of my previous dreams was the following:
"— We arrange surgeries when in-person interventions are _not recommended_.
— So…, — I press the pause button on the handrail.
— The perfect maiden. Inside a plastic shell. 80 years old underneath."

Now I understand it. The first speaker was a BLA researcher. "I" was an investor. The "perfect maiden" was me, but way in the future from my today's dream. It all fits together.
Now, here's the discovered part of kiki universe so far:
- rotten meat house
- swine gray gel battleground
- horizontal elevators network
- united paper island
- baseball bat nightclub
- anxiety-inducing multidimensional pizzeria
- NEW! BLA headquarters
- NEW! demilitarized burning ground abandoned train station
- NEW! Duke Nukem 3D people skinning ground

I haven't felt an urge to post on here in a while just because things have been going so well. But this month, is just not that kind of month anymore.

I'm upset. I'm upset by how I've been uprooted from my routine. I know I shouldn't be that bothered by it and things always change. But what the fuck is this company thinking to be using it's own fucking home baked ticketing system!

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS THIS SHIT!

Let's go over the issues it has
1. I can't fucking email my clients through it
2. all emails are not recognized automatically. In other words each new email creates a new ticket if it does not have the tracking number attached to it.
3. I have to fucking hunt around in my inbox that is now bombarded by every email that is created for this ticketing system. Slap on a fucking tracking number. And then HOPE TO FUCKING GOD that the person on the other end doesn't erase the subject and cause the system to create a new ticket just for it.

Let's go over Zendesk which they've decided to decomission.
1. I. DON'T. HAVE. TO. DO. ANY. OF. THAT. FUCKING. SHIT.
2. That's it. It's fucking simple

Seriously. They forced me off of my original platform because this company already had a "ticketing system", if you can even fucking call it that, working.

And just if you weren't aware, all of this change happened because my company got bought out. It got bought out by this behemoth company that isn't willing to let me continue using a system; that has been very efficient, mind you, and instead make me use their system.

I. FUCKING. HATE. THIS.

Every fucking day! I have to do this stupid bullshit of emailing clients from my personal work email instead of on the direct ticketing system.

When I first started using this thing I actually thought I could use it to email the clients. For a solid two weeks I was "communicating" to clients through their ticketing system. Only to find out that the entire time those clients were not getting my actual fucking email! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Then these guys tell me after the fact. "Oh that's strange... We never noticed that you can't send emails through it... We always just had used our work emails."

Are you fucking jerking my chain! You guys have literally been sitting in this slimy pit of hell for so long that you don't even know there are better options out there!

You don't have to fucking live this life!!

I don't think I'm going to make it. Something needs to change. And I know upper management isn't going to do it, because I fought hard to try and keep Zendesk. They are not keeping it. After this next quarter it is officially gone.

I'm trying to think of coding solutions to make my situation better... But I shouldn't have to fucking do that! There are perfectly good working solutions out there, and this company doesn't want to budge because "that's the way we've always been doing it"

I'm going to fucking rip out my hair.

Devs who use the array map method for purposes other than generating a new array, and who use an empty return statement to satisfy the linter, should receive a slap in the face. A gentle one, but a slap nonetheless

Friends don't let friends type unsafely - mother's against drunk JavaScript

When I slap the side of the machine to fix it that it would actually work...every time, without fail.

V a c a t i o n s should be next questions. Like where people are or went.

When the client isn't satisfied and you gotta re-do the whole thing! yeah, this is what you get! A beard slap!

Well sometimes I need someone to pull computer out of my hands and slap my face.

5am here, spent last 10 hours writing code in java after 5 years break.

After that I deployed snapshot using maven and github actions to github package repository.

Finished first POC in one night.
Am I insane?

at one point in time, i had to work with a really junior backend team, they used javascript and neo4j as the database for an in-house developed community forum because "graph databases made sense" in the eyes of their tech lead

turns out that the team struggled quite a bit with it, and had some "unexpected complexity" problems when i asked them to add filters and sorting on the post endpoints

in the end, the "solution" they gave me was an endpoint that spewed ALL the posts so i could sort it in the front end

had they kept the same relational database they were using for the rest of the whole project, i'm quite sure it wouldn't take much to implement that (and their architecture was really performatic)

as a side project i rebuilt the whole forum in a weekend, but using postgresql as database, and it worked nicely, i even added some unit tests just for fun

gave myself a really big slap in the face after that, though

Stack Overflow people have profound buffallo bullcrap on their skulls, they are some software engineers who have fucked COBOL and BASIC, probably somewhere like NASA, just pondering out where someone post a question. They're probably some etilist cult banging a prostitute while delivering that awful downvote imitating the slap they give the chick during sex. They desire questions such as

"RANDOM_fuck_module_Abdul.method() not working in python" or "how to dock the dock by undocking" (tagged: AWS). Not things like "why does the audio tag not work in a PC but works in w3school tester?" or a genuine programming question. Fuck.

We don't tail recurse or loop abc for k in godfuck loops, huh? We make simple things as: a form, a http request to dell.

I hope there penises get rotten in the hell. Period.
this is just a part of SO.

a, b = b, a
Because that's how it's supposed to be done!

Using the new project as an excuse to try out the language I was an absolute newbie at. (Python, at the time).

A couple years later when I’m much more proficient and I go back and look at that code, I want to slap past me for putting that spaghetti mess into production.

i have realised that a major portion of a human's life involves interaction with other people and most of the time, our happiness depends upon that situation.
so in a way having a group of people who you love and who loves you are important for you to be happy.

i recently realised there are not a single non blood related person in my contact list that i now feel for , even a bit. i recently went for a trip with friends which turned out to be very toxic, and i just realised, that those were my most trusted friends with the highest level of love and trust among my other 900 contacts.

now i don't wanna be with anyone. in a few days i will be 24, and i can't help but feel helpless and alone. Helpless, because people become toxic around me and alone coz i can't have non toxic people. this year started on a very high note for me since i got travelling a lot, got a good paying role that required less work and more relaxing time and , i started focusing on my body too.

so i got more carefree, started hanging out with people more, got more socially active. but then life gave me a slap on the face for enjoying it too much.

i don't know what i want now. i want happiness, but what will make me happy? i have no idea

My big grievances when doing code reviews, lots of code reviews....

Constants. How difficult is to create constants files for reuse and readability?

Comments/java doc. I don't get any help by seeing this is an automatically generated block to get by check style.

*slap*

Time to remove access to tfs for the BA. She started adding work for us for features that don't have their requirements gathered yet.

Another BA just sent us an email today about it with just a generic "we need this now" urgency with no description, no requirements, no real functionality defined. The other one had access to tfs because she was working with us on a project, and was helping out with requirements. But it seems she's forgotten that you can't just slap imaginary things in.

I like a clean Mac so I'll have to find a different place to slap these stickers on, but they're here!

Woke up in the middle of the night thinking about work and how the team seems to be always a few steps away from the next production issue and well always busy with urgent work too so that the crap that produces more and more tech debt never get cleaned or fixed...

And now it's grown so big... The bad habits are just sparking more bad habits and well the only person (boss) able to correct course still hasn't realized for the last 4 years... Constantly thinking things will get better after the next sprint. Hell we don't even use proper sprint planning... even I can't keep up anymore and can never get any long term high value/low immediate return work done...

So I guess I'm having a work overload, nervous breakdown before even going back to work...

I have an urge to tell all this to his boss and have him give him a wake-up slap or maybe bring in a more experienced/veteran manager to set the ship right but my boss personally is a very nice guy so don't want to rat him out...

So not really sure now what to do other than maybe just stay in my lane and put up the blinders? And let the whole forest around be burn down... Though I still gotta bear the heat till it all dies down by itself...

Can't say when that is though...

If you write an editor or input field, and do not respect our Ctrl+Backspace expectations, I will turkey-slap yo ass, bitch.

Hardware:
The Part of the computer that you can kick, slap, and do whatever the f**k you want..

I'm logged into my box at home via ssh and coding in vim.... On the bus, using my phone.

I need more spare time, I get to sit down in front of my computer for maybe 1-2 hours a week.

#just a thought

Dear son ,
You are now past the age when I should just slap you and make you do whatever i want to. No, its time now, you have to think. Try being socially acceptable, follow their(society's) rules and limits ,run in those competition races and be the person society wants you to be , if you want.
And if you don't or if the society doesn't accept you; then fuck them all. Let them go to hell. Make a world out of your own. Follow your passion with extreme dedication and make your dreams come true.
Eat, drink ,fuck,play, spend money,buy treasures,hit the gym, donate to poor , Travel the whole world and smash your success on to the face of those stupid ass people .
You don't need those people. But when you show your lifestyle to the world , their will be people who would like you, who would want to be with you , who would want to be like you and their it is. You wanted a world, you made a world out of your own.

- be happy

Ladder to success - everytime you write a successfull code and it doesn't compile slap yourself so hard that your hand debugs that code automatically. I am red.

Well, I just made a Telegram bot that allows you to slap people with a mention. This is what my life has become.

My last week of vacations. A brake on bussiness programing... lol

Monday:
Receive a phone call from a colegue:
Hi the equipment it not working.
Me: ( upset with the acuracy) reboot that shit!
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
Me: 😲😨😵😱

Today (Thursday):
Collegue: The printer is not working!
Me: 😡 Im on vacation. Check the cable or try to reinstall the printer...
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
Me: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

2 fucking hours later:
Collegue try to call
Me: Did not answer... 😡 Fuch this shit.
Colegue send text message saying that they had a problem on the video projector but its ok now..
Me: 😠😡😢😢😢
I'M ON V A C A T I O N

Too lazy to properly format input from text file so I just debug the script to see the loaded the lines split into list, and slap in a shittona `.replace([Stuff I wanna remove], "")`

It works tho.

How we used to treat our computers back around 2000-2010 when they don't respond.
SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP !!
SLAP THE MONITOR !!

YGGG IM SO CLOSE I CAN ALMOST TASTE IT.

Register allocation pretty much done: you can still juggle registers manually if you want, but you don't have to -- declaring a variable and using it as operand instead of a register is implicitly telling the compiler to handle it for you.

Whats more, spilling to stack is done automatically, keeping track of whether a value is or isnt required so its only done when absolutely necessary. And variables are handled differently depending on wheter they are input, output, or both, so we can eliminate making redundant copies in some cases.

Its a thing of beauty, defenestrating the difficult aspects of assembly, while still writting pure assembly... well, for the most part. There's some C-like sugar that's just too convenient for me not to include.

(x,y)=*F arg0,argN. This piece of shit is the distillation of my very profound meditations on fuckerous thoughtlessness, so let me break it down:

- (x,y)=; fuck you in the ass I can return as many values as I want. You dont need the parens if theres only a single return.
- *F args; some may have thought I was dereferencing a pointer but Im calling F and passing it arguments; the asterisk indicates I want to jump to a symbol rather than read its address or the value stored at it.

To the virtual machine, this is three instructions:

- bind x,y; overwrite these values with Fs output.
- pass arg0,argN; setup the damn parameters.
- call F; you know this one, so perform the deed.

Everything else is generated; these are macro-instructions with some logic attached to them, and theres a step in the compilation dedicated to walking the stupid program for the seventh fucking time that handles the expansion and optimization.

So whats left? Ah shit, classes. Disinfect and open wide mother fucker we're doing OOP without a condom.

Now, obviously, we have to sanitize a lot of what OOP stands for. In general, you can consider every textbook shit, so much so that wiping your ass with their pages would defeat the point of wiping your ass.

Lets say, for simplicity, that every program is a data transform (see: computation) broken down into a multitude of classes that represent the layout and quantity of memory required at different steps, plus the operations performed on said memory.

That is most if not all of the paradigm's merit right there. Everything else that I thought to have found use for was in the end nothing but deranged ways of deriving one thing from another. Telling you I want the size of this worth of space is such an act, and is indeed useful; telling you I want to utilize this as base for that when this itself cannot be directly used is theoretically a poorly worded and overly verbose bitch slap.

Plainly, fucktoys and abstract classes are a mistake, autocorrect these fucking misspelled testicle sax.

None of the remaining deeper lore, or rather sleazy fanfiction, that forms the larger cannon of object oriented as taught by my colleagues makes sufficient sense at this level for me to even consider dumping a steaming fat shit down it's execrable throat, and so I will spare you bearing witness to the inevitable forced coprophagia.

This is what we're left with: structures and procedures. Easy as gobblin pie.

Any F taking pointer-to-struc as it's first argument that is declared within the same namespace can be fetched by an instance of the structure in question. The sugar: x ->* F arg0,argN

Where ->* stands for failed abortion. No, the arrow by itself means fetch me a symbol; the asterisk wants to jump there. So fetch and do. We make it work for all symbols just to be dicks about it.

Anyway, invoking anything like this passes the caller to the callee. If you use the name of the struc rather than a pointer, you get it as a string. Because fuck you, I like Perl.

What else is there to discuss? My mind seems blank, but it is truly blank.

Allocating multitudes of structures, with same or different types, should be done in one go whenever possible. I know I want to do this, and I know whichever way we settle for has to be intuitive, else this entire project has failed.

So my version of new always takes an argument, dont you just love slurping diarrhea. If zero it means call malloc for this one, else it's an address where this instance is to be stored.

What's the big idea? Only the topmost instance in any given hierarchy will trigger an allocation. My compiler could easily perform this analysis because I am unemployed.

So where do you want it on the stack on the heap yyou want to reutilize any piece of ass, where buttocks stands for some adequately sized space in memory -- entirely within the realm of possibility. Furthermore, evicting shit you don't need and replacing it with something else.

Let me tell you, I will give your every object an allocator if you give the chance. I will -- nevermind. This is not for your orifices, porridges, oranges, morpheousness.

Walruses.

I don’t know if this is a rant or not. I just wake up with a crazy idea that I have to wake up and try to write code to make it happen. I guess we all do that or else we wouldn’t be on this platform now would we? Anyway, I’m trying to write a word jumble. I am an old school person that still gets a physical newspaper and I love working the word jumbles! Sometimes I’m like Rain Man. I could just look at every word and get them right away, and I wanted to write my own program and slap it on my website - but I am stuck right now! I’m stuck at a point where I can get all the letters from my answer, but how do I get that down to 3 to 4 words to scramble? I tend to go to sleep, thinking about these things trying to figure them out and will usually wake up in the middle of the night get to my computer and finish it, but this one has me spinning! Who else has driven crazy bystuff like this and does anybody know how I might achieve this? It’s in PHP & MySQL. Glad I accidentally found this place!

The next time I have the brilliant idea to make a visual studio multi solution template, will someone please slap me? What a fucking nightmare.

Fixing a massive SQL sproc and I know now if someone ever gave me a 2500 line function I'd slap them in the face.

Rant!!!
Recently, there has been this issue on StackOverflow not been friendly to beginners. I don't fully agree with that. SO is strict and rightly so because if not that, we will be flooded with repeated questions and low value answers. As a programmer, I believe when I go to SO, I want an answer quickly and fast because most at times, I'm programming and the problem I have is preventing me from moving forward. To be flooded by repeated and low quality questions and answers wouldn't help anyone. Also, on most beginner programming tutorials, were people are advised to check sites like SO when they have problems, most of them tell their listeners or readers to check if the question has been asked before, before going ahead to ask. Even SO assists you when typing your question with similar questions just to make sure you don't ask repeated questions. I rarely downvote but I understand those who do. Also, there is this talk about 'inclusivity' and some relating it to gender. It looks like people tend to slap gender and race on everything these days. To make this clear, I'm not a white male so that one wouldn't say the system favors me so I don't see the problem. The fact SO collects data about developers and it comes out that, most of the partakers are males doesn't mean SO is favoring males. SO doesn't show your gender when you ask a question. It doesn't even show your gender in your profile so what's the issue here? It will be better to get to the root of why there are few females in computer engineering and solve it there rather than blaming a site because of data collected. To know where this rant is coming from, just search StackOverflow on twitter and read the recent tweets.

Whoever created the Disney life app on Samsung tv needs a slap ... it’s awful 😩

I'm hungry and suddenly I have an urge to waste money on some stupid shit like a new ipad or 4k monitor but then I remember that the new paycheck will bitch slap me in the face if I do that, so back to hungry. =.=

!rant && seekGuidance
Been coding for 8 years now, working for at least 6-7 ( freelancing mostly ). Have done multiple big projects along the way, and have not written a single test case ever. Everything works just fine, I usually test things alongside coding stuff. Could someone explain the benefits of creating tests? You can slap me in the face for not doing it if you want ( after explaining why it's so bad ). btw, i'm a web developer ( symfony / angular / vue )

My laptop's (ThinkPad P1) charger is so hot (batt already 100%) that I can easily run a Stirling engine on it.

Perhaps I should slap a magnet on its flywheel and generate current..to power my laptop's charger profit!

Can anyone tell me if is normal a design department earn more than a IT department??? Am I crazy or this is plain stupid???

I want to slap the previous devs on my team. Not the current ones, the previous once.

I don't need a comment on every. single. line. of. code

//verify thingies
if(thingies != null && thingies.count != 0) {

Like my god, i can read the if statement to know what it's doing, goddamn.

Comments should only be used when doing something that might not be immediately obvious to the next dev looking at the code.

Decision paralysis :(

my project would be to write clean and KISS code... not slap and green egg ham jam kind of sticky tape.

What is your goto style of music? What is your empowering 'lets do this' or " I'm in the zone" thing?

For me I have a collection of various genres of music I've collected over time and I slap together several songs at the days start and get going.
Usually I end up looping a single high energy song all day (rock usually. Especially older rock)

Happyness is getting on the front page of hacker news! 😎

You know, one thing that really puzzels me is that people are willing to use WinRar despite there being plenty of better alternatives (*cough*7-Zip*cough*) that doesn't slap an activation notice in your face every fucking time.

Client knows a few technical terms, they put them in a document or slap them on some diagram then asks for a quote - the frustration.

Any samsung gear users here?

So a couple of months ago I had some stability issues which seems to have caused Baloo go crazy and create an 1.7 exabyte index file. It was apparently mainly empty as zfs compressed it down to 535MB

Today I spent some time trying to reproduce the "issue" and turns out that wasn't that hard.

So this little program running on FreeBSD with a compressed (lz4) zfs dataset creates an 1.9 Exabyte large file, nicely compressed down to 45KB :)

#include <stdio.h>
#include <fcntl.h>
#include <unistd.h>
#include <sys/limits.h>

int main(int argc, char** argv) {
int fd = open("bigfile.lge", O_RDWR|O_CREAT, 0644);
for (int i = 0 ; i < 1000000000; i++) {
lseek(fd, INT_MAX, SEEK_CUR);
}
write(fd, " ",1);
close(fd);
}

I don't know maybe it's me. I'm sure that at booking.com they have hundred of GUI/UX/UI experts, product owners, A/B testing and whatever.

So, please, can you explain to me in a professional and scientific why, why the fuck, when I search for an hotel in a place for a date, by default, they show me UNAVAILABLE properties?

Like, "hey sorry, there was this great hotel, right in the center and very cheap, but you missed it!! hahahaha, you poor moron"

And every time I have to ACTIVATE the fucking filter myself "only show available properties".

Excuse me? Who want to see in first position the hotels that are NOT available?

Are there some users out there who wants that? If I were hired at booking.com as Product Owner or UX/UI expert, I think the first thing I'll propose is to quit the fucking filter whatsoever or at least to enable it by design.

So why is that? you want to show off? slap me in the face, with your hard cock-list of hotels you have anyway, but not for me?

We use MDD!! I coined this term one night after getting frustrated and having a lot of drinks. What's that, you ask?
MAGIC DRIVEN DEVELOPMENT
It's when you're working on a not-so-recent code base and are afraid to make any changes in fear of breaking things up. You've touched some modules, and now you restrict yourself to work only on those treating all others as a blackbox. Even if something can be achieved by a small change in one of the blackboxes, you still go for multiple changes in the modules you're familiar with! Such is the horror. You start saying that those modules work by some dark magic that nobody understands!

Shit!!!!
Worst question I have seen around here.
I only had, at the moment, 3:
The first one was... unsignificant. Never learn anything important/relevant from him.

The second one didn't payed me for three months. I had to quit.
Still waiting for him to pay....... just being ironic his not going to pay.

The third one is bipolar and... well I already had stories shared here...so you can have a look.

I could say that I had another one. Is was my Father... best man in the world. My hereo. Learn the best things with him: Honesty, loyalty and Hardwork.

Sorry from any kind of mistakes on my writting. Long day and long night.

!dev

How would u react(.js) if I come to u @ say some public event, tap u on the shoulder and start whispering in ur ear :

- Hi, I'm the psychopath next door. Merciless, highly intelligent, ultra unpredictable and funny as Hell... ooh and btw u so happen to be my next target...

1. run *dramatic music*
2. slap/kick/elbow... choose ur weapon... FIGHT
3. drop dead and gorgeous
4. ...

"Can't we just slap form tags around it?"

No... no we can't.

Is it just me or is python community's dependency management a bit unreliable?

I just can't seem to easily install any python programs without missing dependencies. Updates have caused libraries to become incompatible, which in turn causes the application that used to work to just produce a stack trace.

Is this the state of python or am I doing something wrong.

So, a new coworker started here about two months ago. He's all about talking but the actions aren't very fast.
I looked at my Pull Request and this guy is writing comments for 5. Where the hell did he get the balls from? Seriously!
Please stand next to the designer so i can slap both of you bitches.

Bullshittery continues. This time around, absolutely innocent, clamav is root cause. For once not incompetent idiot, but piece of software. IDK if that makes me happy or upset.

So our email server that I configured and took care of died. RIP. Damn, better put it back together ASAP. So Im under pressure, while still pissed at everything that I ranted before (actually my last 2 rants were throttled, and in total all of that happened past 60 minutes but devrant rate limiting) I start auditing logs. You imagine, we kindda need it NOW, and it's second time last month clamav is pulling stunts and MTA refuses (properly) to work without antivirus. So pressurized, I look at logs, what the fuck went wrong.

clamav deamonize() failed - cannot allocate memory

Hmm. Intresting, but sounds like bullshit. I know server is quite micro becouse they wanted to save on costs as much as possible, but it has well over half a gig free ram just before it crashes (like 800MB) with that message. Is it allocating almost gig in one call or what? Looked carefully at trusty htop while it was starting, and indeed, suddenly it just dies with quite a bit of ram free, almost as much as it weights already. And I remember booting it up when I was configuring it, and it had fair bit of headroom.

Google, help me friend... Okay, great, so apparently at some point clamav loads virus DB into ram (dafuq?), and than forks, which causes spike of 2x the ram usage, and than immidietely frees it up.

Great, that sounds like great design decision... At least I know, I can just slap on SWAP file, restart it and call it a day.

It worked, swap file is almost empty (used 15megs, 900 megs free ram, whatever).

That leaves me wandering, who figured out to load DB to ram? That means pretty much that clamav will eat a little bit more ram each vir db update, and that milisecond "double ram" spike will confuse innocent people who just wanted to run clamav and it worked last *long period of time* and now crashes without warning without any changes to configuration.

Maybe there is logical explanation, I want to know it.

Note to self: *ALWAYS* pull updates from upstream before starting to add or fix stuff in a GitHub project. Or any other collaborative project for that matter.

Now, it's time to slap myself for forgetting...

Reading the source of a message queue system I'm planning on extending.

I don't see myself as a rockstar programmer or anything but the construction of arrays from hash tables, sorting those arrays and then a nested for loop to find matches really irks me. Luckily not on the critical message processing path but the stats collection thread. There are mutexes in play though that would probably delay processing a little bit when stats are collected.

I feel like I need a slap in the face here: My team can’t agree on a platform for our apps (Windows/.Net or Linux/Java Middleware/Java). So we have apps all over the place, and our team is fractured. Support is a mess, and I’m caught in the middle because I’m the only one willing to try to keep all these systems upgraded (our infrastructure team refuses to work with anyone except me on our team because I just shut up about my platform beliefs and get work done). I’ve pitched trying .Net core on Linux although I know very little about that. We have no technical challenges that require one platform over another - these are simple business apps. I think our architects should force one platform. Am I nuts? Maybe it’s time to look for another career if this is the new norm.

Today was my last day of PIP project, I didn't do the work obviously. Is there any way HR will point that out and lessen my salary the month, that's all I'm worried about. I have savings but still don't want to lose a lot of money as I have to return the sign on bonus.
I just want to get relieved as soon as possible as people here are asses and I don't want to get in any mess in my last days. Has anyone has bad experience on PIP? I know the last thing that can happen is relieving which is the only thing I want.

It's a weird scary day for me. I'm studying, applying for jobs and stressed too. I didn't try to save my current job due to toxicity but I want it to fucking end. I really want to fucking slap my manager, slap his manager too.

When you are reviewing a PR in which the author has used utilities/libraries that were written by you(which were very generalized and DRY but required for you to read the docs to clearly understand their usage). But instead of using it properly they modify it for their specific usage and made a freaking PR. 

I just can't wait to finish the review and slap their face with a printed copy of the FUCKING docs. 

Seriously, read the goddamn docs. And, if you do change the lib, please update the doc too.

Rant 1
---
Seriously what is the fucking difference between github gitlab bitbucket? Is it like the whatsapp/viber/signal shit?

Whatsapp was the first to create a system for free chatting? Then viber came along and copied the exact same fucking bullshit like whatsapp? Then signal came along and copied the same bullshit? And all other apps too?

Github was the first to create a system of GIT? And then gitlab came along and copied the exact same bullshit? Then bitbucket copied the same horseshit too?

Rant 2
---
1) echo "shit" > recruiter.txt
2) echo "shit" >> recruiter.txt

> Will create the file if not exists and OVERWRITE the text inside it

>> Will create the file if not exists and APPEND the text inside it

This is the only difference

Correct?

Rant 3
---
Fuck this devrant ass shit for making me wait 2h to post a new rant. What are we in 1995? Not even facebook has this stupid restriction. Not any social media app EVER in existence. This shit is whack. U fear someone spamming the shit out of the app. But thats GOOD FOR U because you then have active people creating content on ur platform. Put this restriction away before i slap my dick on ur face!

Every now and then people need to get punched or slapped in the face to get their senses back. Especially me, however, in modern times that is rare. I wish someone could to slap the shit out of me. I've been derailing for too long.

Decision paralysis panic attack

I've gone from a "no early returns" guy to a "return as early as possible to maintain the happy path indented as much to the left as possible" guy.

Looks so much neater now.

Employees of companies that are so protective of their intellectual property that they don't allow any to be transfered outside of the workplace, how do you work from home?

When that guy hovers his sharp ballpen over your retina screen while explaining his nonsensical and boring requirements and your eyes follow the pen anxiously and you just want to shout "Take that F*cking ballpen away from my screen you m*ron!" and slap his hand. Or his face. But you just can't do that, partly because he's your line manager.