g++: TWENTY SCREENFULS WORTH OF ERRMES.

the mistake: `v=ptr` should be `v=*ptr`.

dude whenever someone says anything about idiomatic ceepluesplues I'ma just SLAP EM WITH A FISH~

Okay, summary of previous episodes:

1. Worked out a simple syntax to convert markdown into hashes/dictionaries, which is useful for say writing the data in a readable format and then generating a structured representation from it, like say JSON.

2. Added a preprocessor so I could declare and insert variables in the text, and soon enough realized that this was kinda useful for writing code, not just data. I went a little crazy on it and wound up assembling a simple app from this, just a bunch of stuff I wanted to share with friends, all packed into a single output html file so they could just run it from the browser with no setup.

3. I figured I might as well go all the way and turn this into a full-blown RPG for shits and giggles. First step was testing if I could do some simple sprites with SVG to see how far I could realistically get in the graphics department.

Now, the big problem with the last point is that using Inkscape to convert spritesheets into SVG was bit of a trouble, mostly because I am not very good at Inkscape. But I'm just doing very basic pixel art, so my thought process was maybe I can do this myself -- have a small tool handle the spritesheet to SVG conversion. And well... I did just that ;>

# pixel-to-svg:
- Input path-to-image, size.
- grep non-transparent pixels.
- Group pixels into 'islands' when they are horizontally or vertically adjacent.
- For each island, convert each pixel into *four* points because blocks:
· * (px*2+0, py*2+0), (px*2+1, py*2+0), (px*2+1, py*2+1), (px*2+0, py*2+1).
· * Each of the four generated coordinates gets saved to a hash unique to that island, where {coord: index}.

- Now walk that quad-ified output, and for each point, determine whether they are a corner. This is very wordy, but actually quite simple:
· * If a point immediately above (px, py-1) or below (px, py+1) this point doesn't exist in the coord hash, then you know it's either top or bottom side. You can determine whether they are right (px+1, py) or left (px-1, py) the same way.
· * A point is an outer corner if (top || bottom) && (left || right).
· * A point is an inner corner if ! ((top || bottom) && (left || right)) AND there is at least _one_ empty diagonal (TR, TL, BR, BL) adjacent to it, eg: (px+1, py+1) is not in the coord hash.
· * We take note of which direction (top, left, bottom, right) every outer or inner corner has, and every other point is discarded. Yes.

Finally, we connect the corners of each island to make a series of SVG paths:
- Get starting point, remember starting position. Keep the point in the coord hash, we want to check against it.
- Convert (px, py) back to non-quadriplied coords. Remember how I made four points from each pixel?
. * {px = px*0.5 + (px & 1)*0.5} will transform the coords from quadriple back to actual pixel space.
· * We do this for all coordinates we emit to the SVG path.

- We're on the first point of a shape, so emit "M${px} ${py}" or "m${dx} ${dy}", depending on whether absolute or relative positioning would take up less characters.
· * Delta (dx, dy) is just (last_position - point).

- We walk from the starting point towards the next:
· * Each corner has only two possible directions because corners.
· * We always begin with clockwise direction, and invert it if it would make us go backwards.
· * Iter in given direction until you find next corner.
· * Get new point, delete it from the coord hash, then get delta (last_position - new_point).
· * Emit "v${dy}" OR "h${dx}", depending on which direction we moved in.
· * Repeat until we arrive back at the start, at which point you just emit 'Z' to close the shape.
· * If there are still points in the coord hash, then just get the first one and keep going in the __inverse__ direction, else stop.

I'm simplifying here and there for the sake of """brevity""", but hopefully you get the picture: this fills out the `d` (for 'definition') of a <path/>. Been testing this a bit, likely I've missed certain edge cases but it seems to be working alright for the spritesheets I had, so me is happiee.

Elephant: this only works with bitmaps -- my entire idea was just adding cute little icons and calling it a day, but now... well, now I'm actually invested. I can _probably_ support full color, I'm just not sure what would be a somewhat efficient way to go about it... but it *is* possible.

Anyway, here's first output for retoori maybe uuuh mystery svg tag what could it be?? <svg viewBox="0 0 8 8" height="16" width="16"><path d="M0 2h1v-1h2v1h2v-1h2v1h1v3h-1v1h-1v1h-1v1h-2v-1h-1v-1h-1v-1h-1Z" fill="#B01030" stroke="#101010" stroke-width="0.2" paint-order="stroke"/></svg>

OK, I could maybe write a quick app in C++ and cross compile it so I can send it to my friends who use windows, what is wrong with you I am ashamed for us all.

But why do that? Let's just go the EXTREME route and do things in a very inappropriate way that is natively """portable""" so we can say that (((It Just Works™))).

So if you haven't guessed already, it's 100% js rawdogging and I'm doing the graphics in SVGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO uoykuf OoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's not so bad but here's things I've learned:

If you're using inkscape to convert your lazy 8x8 pixels per frame spritesheet.png into an svg file, and don't know how to use inkscape, you have to stack each frame on top of one another. Yes.

Erase the layers, erase everything that isn't the paths you want. Also erase invisible paths generated by the pixelart mode of the trace bitmap thingy, sometimes these ghosts exist for mysterious reasons.

Then, neatly stack everything into one square big enough to hold all the frames, select all the frames, resize to selection. OK, now double check that the names of your layers werent changed to generic path94958509 out of the fucking blue AGAIN, all good.

Also double check that inkscape hasn't changed the name and extension of your output file AGAIN then make sure inkscape hasn't changed the dimensions of your export AGAIN and then AGAIN and AGAIN...

OK, so you've exported your svg, now we start doing even more stupid and questionable things. We go into the file and delete the header, specially the comment at the top that clearly states this file was made with inkscape, because my experience was so DELIGHTFUL that I very much require some abstract form of petty vengeance. Also a cigarette.

Hold on. Patiently erase useless tags such as defs and g and shit, all you want is the svg and paths. Then, painstakingly convert each <path id=$ .../> into <symbol id=$> <path .../>.

Why didn't I write a perl script for this part? Actually that's a good idea, goes on the todolist, I didn't write a todolist app though, because I have a textfile. I mean, just what kind of negative IQ troglodyte would do something like that? ;>;>;>;>;>;>;>

Anyway, now utilize your black-magic-infused devilspeak q$p e r l$ script to fasten together an entire webapp into a single html file, all done with duct tape and clown jizz of course, see previous rant for VERY technical details. Also I jjust time traveled and wrote the previous paragraph while writing this one everything is out of order oh noes.

No matter it works now me is happiee.

I got heart icon for health bar but no health bar implemented not aproblem.

Uh also outlines. Here, let's keep it topical, this is rom.rol:

```rol
# vars:
$:%peso;>
let sprite,"$.elems.srpite";
$:/peso;>
# css:
$:%asis;>
path {
· stroke: $080808;
· stroke-width: 0.1;
· stroke-linejoin: round;
· paint-order: stroke;
}
$:/asis;>
# html:
$:%asis;>
<svg width="2.1166811mm" height="2.1166601mm" viewBox="0 0 2.1166811 2.1166601" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg">
<symbol id="{$$.%sprite}_hp_0">
<path d="M 0.264594,0.26458 V 0.52916 H 1.1e-5 V 0.79375 1.05833 1.32291 H 0.264594 V 1.5875 H 0.529177 V 1.85208 H 0.793761 V 2.11666 H 1.058344 1.322927 V 1.85208 H 1.587511 V 1.5875 H 1.852094 V 1.32291 H 2.116677 V 1.05833 0.79375 0.52916 H 1.852094 V 0.26458 H 1.587511 1.322927 V 0.52916 H 1.058344 0.793761 V 0.26458 H 0.529177 Z"/>
</symbol>
<!--NOW DO THE OTHER NINE FRAMES-->
</svg>
$:/asis;>
```

so now I can say (in base.rol):
```rol
$:%peso;>
lib "[based]";
rol "rom.rol";
let hud,"$.elems.hdu";
$:/peso;>
$:%asis;>
<svg viewBox="0 0 23.283329 2.1166601" width="16%" height="16%" fill="#880808">
<use id="{$$.%hud}_hp" href="#{$rom.%sprite}_hp_0"/>
</svg>
<script>
document.getElementById("{$$.%hud}_hp").setAttribute('href',"#{$rom.%sprite}_hp_" + n).
</script>
$:/asis;>
```

Where `n` is just some frame counter this is duct tape now request animation frames REQUEST THEM YOU MUST.

Anyway this is immensely stupid but it made me giggle so I share.
AAA RPG with full svg graphics when?

OK here's lang, very easy.

set lines, (split "\n", orc fname). ; ORC -- open, write, close
map lines, strip.
grep lines, filter blanks.

map lines, # lineproc:

- on line match, qr~^# \s* (?<name> [\a]+) \((?<type> [\a+])\) \s*:\s*~x.
· · * have type or default type.
· · * set dst, name or new type name.

- on line match, qr~^\- (?<name> .*)~x.
· · * dst->cur eq dst->[name] eq new list name.

- on line match qr~^\* (?<item> .*)~x.
· · * push dst->cur, item.

- else
· · * cat dst->cur, line or throw fuk.

I'm skipping over a couple edge cases (no dst/cur, I be throw fuk for brevity) but you get the gist of it maybe.

Anyway what's this for? Lists, like so:

```rol
# dst (type):
- attr:
· · * hi im item one in list
· · · still item one lmao.
· · * hi im item two in list.
```

That gives `dst { attr: [item_1, item_2] }`. There's another bit I'm omitting to make this recursive so as to allow for nested dicts, but nevermind that it's a tree you get it right.

So what it's lame. Yes. Let's smoke some crack now I can add preprocessor in subclass:
```
# dst (cracktype):
$:%fn args;>
(text)
$:/fn;>
```

That will call `fn text,args` to process text __before__ lineproc, `fn` is just callback from callback table in Nebraska maybe.

$:peso;> syntax is just so text can contain funstuff OK.
I like <fn args /> better, and $:this;> is just stuff no one ever writes so it's safe to use.

Want to reference object in text too, what? `{$obj [fn args]}` anywhere in text to make call, now can do database lookup so naming be important. Have import mechanism to fetch collections, can't bother showing.

Anyway what's the point I dunno, just copying and pasting from local library to pack entire app in single html file. Why? Can't remember; doesn't matter.

Also can convert to json but I prefer my own version of it.
Called jargon.
Same thing but no quotes just because so `obj {attr:[(value), (value)]}`.
Now eat baguettes.

Have a nice wallop.

Journalists reading tweets sent by grand ayatollah Khamenei live on argentinian TV is kinda surreal but I guess this is where we're at now.

Me, reading random wikipedia:

A boutonnière (French: [bu.tɔ.njɛʁ]) or butthole (British English) is a floral decoration, typically a single flower or bud, worn on the lapel of a tuxedo or suit jacket.

Wait, that can't be right

butthole.
buttonhole.

OOOOOH

Going through my lore notes. And I'm playing a game with myself, so to speak: it's called "is this metal enough?", but with a side of quasi-metaphysical arcane technobabble plus mass wallmelting and nightmarishly psychedelic confusion.

For example... why are shadow gates a thing? Well, because of the undoing of time caused a multiplicity of parallel cycles that will, inevitably, slowly collapse upon themselves through a sequence of irreducible asynchronicities. But of course!

Now, as for the metal part, that's the undoing of time. You see, the Somberlain attempted to cast the most sinful signa in order to restore the desolate mortal realm as it stood on the brink of a world-ending cataclysm, this was after a decade of brutal, reckless litechnical abuse during the civil war fought amongst the first undecimvirate...

Now, he intended to roll back time itself as a way to avoid the cataclysm and restore life to the mortal realm, but the cost was immense: time was not rolled back, but rather __forcefully__ torn apart; it was effectively shredded, shattered, and undone.

Countless lives were lost as nearly six hundred years of Being were __erased__ in an instant, the most heinous large-scale blood sacrifice in history, spanning the entirety of the lower fragment of reality. I mean is this too dark, I'm not sure. How about I clarify: he didn't just snuff out their lives, no, they CEASED TO EXIST. THEY NEVER EXISTED. GONE. UNBECOMED INTO A TRUE IMMEMORIAL. OVER FIVE CENTURIES OF EVERY CONSCIOUS MOMENT ON EARTH DEVOURED TO FUEL HIS DARK MAGIC.

That's gotta have consequences, right? Well, obviously you'll get temporal distortions after that shit, I mean duh...

But wait, I'm lost, you say the undecimvirate deified themselves but were cast down after the whole superman spinning the earth backwards thing went full bathory and erased entire centuries from the fabric of the cosmos, so they were turned into the eleven thrones to guard over the eleven circles of the night eternal... but how is that linked to natural occurrences of teleportation?

First off, because *natural* teleportation is distinct from *artificial* teleportation. Failed experiments with (and miscasts of) mass transference of living matter are one of the leading causes of death among litarchs. It is not an instant transmission, just very, very quick, moreso than a mortal mind can process, that's why the "dilate" and "delay" sigils are added, so as to make the journey seem slowed down to the perceptions of whomever is teletransported, this is meant to ensure their brains don't __melt__ from the experience.

Similar reason as to why you have to give the _approximate_ total weight to carry when inscribing the ritual circle, you *do* know that it is __highly__ recommended to use accurate weighing scales to approximate this quantity, as under or overestimating it can lead to _FATAL_ consequences... do you not?

No, *natural* occurrences of teleportation do not have these constraints for two reasons: one, because both ends of the gateway are _fixed_ in both time and space due to the logic-defying occurrence of a future event being undeniably the cause of the past it revisited. Put on this toga. They are inextricably linked through the metaphorical and *literal* corpse of infinite collapsed timelines, which generates a conduit through the first circle of the night eternal, which *is* the domain of both forgetfulness and horror immemorial.

Second, the final layer on our stratified reality, that is, the final circle before the INVIOLABLE divine veil, wraps around the night eternal, which is why we call it "the shell". Or "Crisalida" if you dig Luis Alberto. It is a realm entirely outside of time, which is why the patriarchs can grant immortality, you see. By proximity to this sacred shell of existence, the timeline-corpse-conduit that links both ends of a shadow gate is, for all intents and purposes, approaching total chronostasis, therefore making it so bypassing physical space in a few seconds doesn't give you permanent loss of the sense of self as your brain turns into liquified jelly.

I don't remember what I was getting at and I don't care.

Oh look at it stupid technomusings.

Context:
- You have a sequence of N-byte-wide values.
- Each value is unique.
- You XOR them all together into an N-byte-wide key.
- Just dump the key into a list somewhere.

Problem:
- A new value sequence is input.
- Same rules: all values are unique and fixed-size.
- You XOR them all together into a key.
- You walk the list of keys and check them for equality against the new one.

The same sequence of values, regardless of order, would ((supposedly)) always give you the same key. I used this years ago, for a renderer that used indexed colors, to see if I had to make a new palette or not when saving/loading textures: the image format had the key on the header.

It worked, but I was using a __very__ limited value range, cursed 8-bit YUV lossy fuckery; never bothered investigating the idea any further.

So, question:
- Is there any specific situation in which you get a false positive?
- Is there any specific situation in which you get a false negative?

My brain wants to say 'yes' to both because I'm privy to the mystical truth that my methods invariably fall on the idiot side of the spectrum. But my lazy testing keeps saying 'no, you dumbass'.

So who's wrong?
brb gon hit that crack~

Something like 50 of my sweet, sweet plusplus just went poof, gone. Vanished, gone with the wind.

Could be a bunch of salty downvotes, no doubt a limpdick way to try and protest my immaculate logic? That is indeed a possibility. But the most likely explanation is someone nuked himself.

And you know what? Shit, man.
This is giving me flashbacks to when rutee left devRant and I hate it.

btw rutee, Mr Johnny Sins, your location literally inside me: in case you ever read this, I just want to say, you is the kewlest; no contest. Everyone else get fucked. I'm sorry, but you're not rutee. Nothing compares2u or some forbidden bromance shit sang by a bald woman, all night up the ass.

Anyway, where was I?
Ah, yeah. People-check.

So who deleted himself? I'm not seeing anyone missing. The whole gang is here. I think. I mean even ostream's shadowclones are still around.

Hmm. Maybe I did get downvoted?
Or maybe it was just a bunch of rants getting deleted, rather than a full-on nuke?

Huh. Indubitably, this is a case for Willy Tanner.
*REACHES FOR THE CRACKPIPE.*

fknshit. Am I stressing about linting and formatting moreso than what the code itself does or is it just another hallucination?

I call it correctness paranoia. Bitch does it even compile. Yes, perhaps, but I absently-minded added a single newline somewhere, and that's no good.

So re-read the diff again: oh.

const auto&
should be
const auto
probably.
F is not returning a ref...
Should it return a ref?

Fuck, I'm declaring this nonref, should I
T N(V)
or
T N = V

Plain old doesn't fucking matter most of the time, but what if I missed a detail somewhere and so it *does* matter here?

REREAD. AGAIN.
SLOWLY.
DYING.
DYING.
DYING.

@retoor I did it I FUCKING DID IT. I CRACKED THE COWDZ.

HAVEN'T SLEPT IN ALMOST THREE DAYS.
BUT I FED THIS TO A LOBOTOMIZED BOTII.
IT WAS ABLE TO RUN MY RULESET.
WELL, A VERY LIMITED VERSION.
BUT STILL.

PRO VIBES-ORIENTED PROGRAMMING.
IN MARKDOWN.
PSEUDOMARKDOWN.
what?
WHAT??!!!!

OH YEAH.
BEHOOOOOLLLD THE POWER OF CRACK:

```
# Definition of Basic Terms:

- Actor;
· * "An Actor is a character or entity actively or passively participating in the game";

- Action:
· * "An Action is whatever an Actor does during their turn";
· * **IMPORTANT: "In addition to taking an Action during their own turn, an Actor can opt to prepare a Re-Action to activate during another Actor's turn, *if* they have enough SP/MP to do so"**;

- Signa:
· * "A Signa is an in-game effect that describes an Actor's Actions and Re-Actions";
· * "In-game effects can only alter values within the Actor->Status dict";
· * Signa->Caster = the Actor that activated the Signa;
· * Signa->Target = the Actor that is affected by the Signa;
· * **IMPORTANT: "A Signa can be cast 'OnSelf', that is, the Caster can choose to cause the effect on themselves"**;

---
# Actor Attributes:

- Actor->ReadOnly:
· * **IMPORTANT: "ReadOnly attributes represent an Actor's natural advantages and cannot be changed through in-game effects"**;
· * **IMPORTANT: "The purpose of these immutable attributes is determining the base values for game formulas"**;
· * "Actor->ReadOnly is a (key=>value) dict that stores the Actor's innate and immutable attributes";
· * **IMPORTANT: "These bonuses are fixed and cannot be altered by in-game effects"**;
· * "Each key corresponds to a specific game formula";
· * "Each value is a constant signed integer that represents a modifier for the associated formula";

- Actor->Grit:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"HP->Max"} = 8+(Actor->Grit*2);
· * "Actor->HP->Regen is not affected by Grit";
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Strength"} = Actor->Grit*1;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Resist"} = Actor->Grit*1;

- Actor->Wit:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"MP->Max"} = 4+(Actor->Wit*2);
· * "Actor->MP->Regen is not affected by Wit";
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Intelligence"} = Actor->Wit*1;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Dexterity"} = Actor->Wit*1;

- Actor->Charm:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"SP->Max"} = 1+(Actor->Charm*1);
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Perception"} = Actor->Charm*2;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Charisma"} = Actor->Charm*2;

- Actor->Spirit:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Arcana"} = Actor->Spirit*2;

- Actor->Faith:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Defend"} = Actor->Faith*1;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Heal"} = Actor->Faith*1;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Bless"} = Actor->Faith*1;

- Actor->Hatred:
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Damage"} = Actor->Hatred*1;
· * Actor->ReadOnly->{"Curse"} = Actor->Hatred*1;

---
# Diceroll Definition:

- rand:
· * "A pseudo-random number between 0 and 0.99";

- roll->dX:
· * roll->dX = truncate (rand*X);

---
# Basic Formulas:

- Actor->Status:
· * "Actor->Status is a (key=>value) dict that stores the Actor's current status effects";
· * "These bonuses are temporary and can be altered by in-game effects";
· * "Each key corresponds to a specific game formula";
· * "Each value is a signed integer that represents a modifier for the associated formula";

- Actor->Damage:
· * let base = roll->d4;
· * let X = Actor->ReadOnly->{"Damage"};
· * let Y = Actor->Status->{"Damage"};
· * Actor->Damage = base+(X+Y);
· * "Result can be negative if (X+Y) is less than -base";

---
# Regeneration Rates:

- Actor->HP->Regen:
· * const base = 0;
· * let X = Actor->Status->{"HP->Regen"};
· * Actor->HP->Regen = base+X;
· * "Result can be negative if X is less than 0";

- Actor->MP->Regen:
· * const base = 1;
· * let X = Actor->Status->{"MP->Regen"};
· * Actor->MP->Regen = base+X;
· * "Result can be negative if X is less than -1";

- Actor->SP->Regen:
· * let base = Actor->Status->{"SP->Max"};
· * let X = Actor->Status->{"SP->Regen"};
· * Actor->SP->Regen = base+X;
· * "Result can be negative if X is less than -base";

---
# Default Signas:

- Movement (Signa):
· * Movement->Cost->SP = 1;
· * Movement->Cost->MP = 0;
· * Movement->Duration = 1 turn;
· * Movement->AreaOfEffect = 4 tiles;
· * "Allows the Caster to move the target up to 4 tiles distance";
· * **IMPORTANT: "This Signa does not allow the Caster to avoid obstacles"**;

- Attack (Signa):
· * Attack->Cost->SP = 1;
· * Attack->Cost->MP = 0;
· * Attack->Duration = 1 turn;
· * Attack->AreaOfEffect = 1 tile;
· * let dst = Attack->Target;
· * let src = Attack->Caster;
· * dst->HP->Current -= src->Damage;
· * **IMPORTANT: "This Signa never misses"**;
```

They once shared a romantic evening on the waterfront, discussing their preferences in Middle Eastern cuisine and enjoying the serene atmosphere.

LINEBREAK

This event occurred after an ((__orgy__)) at the Tower of Dawn, where the extravagance of their many geminous epigrams culminated in the temporary abolition of common etiquette due to serendipitous fuckenstance.

Consider,

```
namespace A;

macro m00 a,b;
··display a,b;
end macro;

macro m01 a;
··m00 a,$0A;
end macro;

m01 $24;
end namespace;
```
OUT: $0A24 ("$\n").

Ah, but you just HAD to fuck me in the ass, didncha fasm2? Initializing anal bleeding:

```
namespace B;
A.m01 $24;
end namespace;
```
OUT: illegal instruction 'm00'.

Explanation: macros carry no context, and so 'm00' is unreachable from 'B' namespace.

Could I maybe write a code-capture macro to generate a wrapper that resets the namespace? Yes, and in fact, I did; brilliant exercise in mystical mindfuckery.

But why try so hard? Just pass the fucking ref, like a MAN.
EXPLICIT CTX, BITCH.

```
define @CAS $non; current addressing space
define %ICE @CAS;

macro self:PA&; recursive macro, uuuh spooky-spooky
··match ice , %ICE;

····; self->proc(args)
····match =-=> proc (args) , PA;
······path.proc ice,args; pass ref and args

····; ^self->proc()
····else match =-=> proc () , PA;
······path.proc ice; pass ref only

····; ^sneaky sneaky. set current context when self ctx;
····else match cas , @CAS;
······%ICE equ cas.PA;

····end match;

··end match;
end macro;
```

ALL TOGETHER NOW
```
namespace A;

macro m00 ice,a,b;
··display a,b;
end macro;

macro m01 ice,a;
··self->m00(a,$0A); could also be 'ice.m00 ice,a,$0A' lmao
end macro;

end namespace;

namespace B;

self A; set ice
self->m01($24);
restore %ICE; back to previous

end namespace;
```

OUT: $0A24 ("$\n").

A-há, now **I** got you from behind motherfucker!

Final note: this is 100% perl DNA seeping through the cracks of my sanity and into a fresh fasm2 framework. Why? Dingle-dongle-jungle-berries, that's why. Also crack.

Have a nice wallop.

Turned 31 three days ago.

My **dad** was convinced that I was turning 30 instead lmao.

I had to do the math for him, he was questioning the fabric of reality for a second. Like baba 2025 sub 1994 eq 31, ok.

so anyway age--;

So, I have a nested ternary, right, and that's not very readable:

(x <= y ? z : (x <= z ? y : x));

The linter points this out and I'm like yeah, valid point. So I inline-F[*0] it:

if (x <= y)
········return z;
else if (x <= z)
········return y;
else
········return x;

Clearer? Kinda. Oh, but the linter doesn't like this either, and to be fair, valid point once again; an else-after-return *can* be quite confusing if you have it in the __middle__ of the F body, catches you by suprise.

However, I'd like to take a brief moment to waggle your nutsack, if you please. Because this is C++ and I'm picking a reference from a list of values, so I can't simply assout[*1] within the switch.

So I'm at the crossroads of life once again, losing man's toughest struggle as I sit on a metaphorical cigar, squirming while I unclench my asshole slowly for strictly defecatory purposes. Allow me to illustrate:

- If I ignore the linter, and leave the rest of the code unchanged, the checks are going to fail and the bot is going to taint my pristine PR with automated comments.
- But if I take the linter's advice, I have to do a slight rewrite of the damn thing plus every F that calls it, which means touching shit that has nothing to do with this issue.

So what's it gonna be? Flushing or shoving my own excrement? Oh, the thrills of it being (literally) SOLID, ie not the acronym, but may the Almighty punish Uncle Bob regardless.

NOTES:
[*0]: It means 'function,' what else?
[*1]: ASS-ign OUT-put, where 'out' is just some var. You modify the var within the F body and return the final value.

JUST IN: The unexpected sequel to my previous rant that NOBODY asked for!

I'll give it to you in dialogue form as it's more dramatic and *juicy* that way...

(Context: wizard used the warrior's blood, who descends from an ancient lineage of powerful sorcerors, to cast a high-level spell which allowed the party to teleport to safety when they were trapped and about to die. The warrior is worried about his crazy use of black magic, so she confronts him about it.)

"Alright, old man," she says, her tone serious, yet tinged with concern. "I couldn't help but notice the... let's call it 'unorthodox' spellcasting earlier. What was that about?"

"Well, you wanted me to draw the circle using golden dust and a lamb for the sacrifice?" Uzair raises an eyebrow, his tone riddled with sarcasm. "Because spells of that level of complexity require both things, you know? A circle and an offering." He explains calmly, then shakes his head. "But turns out, the blood of an Ashaffi accounts for both things if you draw the sigils with it. Hey, don't blame me, your own ancestors invented it!"

"Very funny, Uzair." Hashade crosses her arms, her expression unamused. "But seriously, that shit was utterly deranged. I can't have you going all 'Black Scorpion' on our ass, what with the demented use of blood magic, needlessly setting entire buildings ablaze and that mother fucking all-incinerating black hellfire inferno." Her voice is stern, but her eyes show genuine care. "You're... __BREAKING BAD__, old man! You have to chill."

"Oh, so is my wizardry getting on your neves now, is it?" He recoils back slightly in suprise, feeling offended. "We just spanked the Sanie's Guild buttcheeks until they were red and swollen, then proceeded to __FUCK__ them in the ASS with a *DIAMOND* fucking COCK. And you're complaining?"

Hashade's eye's reveal her agitation. "I'm not complaining, I'm concerned! We're not just fighting for ourselves, we're fighting for everyone else too! And if you start playing fast and loose with that kind of power, we're gonna have more than just *one* black smoldering crater to deal with." Her voice is firm, but it's clear she's trying to keep the situation from escalating. "Look, I know you're powerful, but that's not an excuse to go full-on mad scientist on us. We gotta keep our shit tight, yeah?"

"Concerned?!" He tilts his head to the side. "What, you think I'm becoming evil? Come on, spit it out!"

"Evil? No, I don't..." Hashade sighs, running a hand through her silver hair. "Oh no, you know what, yeah. I do. I think you're slowly turning evil." Her expression hardens. "You swapped your book of supplications for a grimoire detailing the most horrible shit in excruciating detail! You shouted out 'G-d is great' while witnessing a disastrous explosion that left everyone else traumatized! You joked around before and after cutting two guards in half, for fuck's sake!" She lowers her head and pinches her nose bridge. "I don't know, I'll admit that, I just don't know what's this shit that's gotten to you. But I don't like it, I really don't. I don't like where this is going, old man!"

"Well," He said, calmly. "you killed El-Fuqer by forcing him to eat his own cock and balls while sowing his ass shut and then took a fat stinking dump on his face." He quietly recalled the, ehem, 'little' incident. "But see, I don't waggle your fucking nutsack about the fucked up shit you've done. And I'm not going to start now."

"THAT'S DIFFERENT! THAT WAS __JUSTICE__!" Her eyes flashed with anger.

"JUSTICE?!! YOU CALL SHITTING ON A CORPSE 'JUSTICE'?!!" He pushed her to the side and stormed out. "I MAY BE AN EVIL WIZARD, BUT I NEVER DEFECATED ON MY ENEMIES, HASHADE. NEVER. FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

"Wait!" Her voice cracked. "You can't just leave like this!"

"I can." He didn't even look back. "And I am."

"I'm not leaving you alone!" She strides closer to him, ignoring the sting of his words. "I can't let you destroy yourself like this!"

(ROGUE BUSTS IN THROUGH THE KITCHEN) "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU TWO, GET A ROOM ALREADY!"

~ F I N ~

A couple fucking brutal, merciless dungeon moments.

So first, we were having a chill kind of session. Throwing lots of jokes and shit, and I rolled with it. The baddie for the day, I felt inspired, and named him Fawq El-Fuqer, which yes, is very unfortunate.

Anyway, we avoid his goons and reach his impenetrable fortress of chronic masturbation, and it goes as well as you think. The rogue says hey, we gotta get him with his pants down (pause) literally. The cleric is skeptical at first, but she comes around to it.

And so we do it. I spin this tale of a man who's got a schedule tighter than his fucking asshole. El-Fuqer meticulously plans his shits, he makes it a whole ritual, even gives it a special name: Mud O'Clock.

We wait for his alarm to ring, and spring into action while he's taking a fat stinking fucking dump. The warrior kicks down the bathroom door and corners El-Fuqer while he's on the shitter, demanding satisfaction for their past romantic involment that's been strongly been hinted at, you see, she said Fuck the Fucker and I, that's history. And that's enough for a subplot if you ask me.

So where was I? Ah, yes, the rogue bursts in through the window shouting out "Mud O'Clock MOTHER FUCKER!!" and we immortalize the moment in the finest silks. The wizard then does a little Bane impression for some reason and a multitude of loud 'plops' are heard as El-Fuqer evacuates the entire content of his putrid guts.

He gets roughed up a little, you know nothing like interrogating someone after they nearly shit themselves to death. We reveal some oooh so unexpected plot twist about a portal to goddamn hell and it's like well, crap, we gotta do something about that. So the wizard and the rogue leave to give the warrior and El-Fuqer some, ehem, space to settle their score.

What followed was the most unexpected, most brilliant part of the whole session. She didn't just execute him in a brutal, gruesome manner, no, she went full fucking throttle. Forced El-Fuqer to eat his own cock and balls while sewing his ass shut, then had a bowl of bull testicle salad to drop a montanious fecal cake of biblical proportions upon his face.

Believe it or not, we made it into an emotional moment. Because everyone was shocked by how brutal the affair was. Warrior had a mental breakdown like, uuuh, I'm becoming the monsters I swore to fight ooh no. She starting shaking and crap, ran away and hid in an alley to weep, it begins raining and it's getting very dramatic, so I cook up some spirit of sorrow that goes in and helps her face her fears and shit through the power of friendship or whatever.

Moving on to second moment, this is shorter but I like it best. The cleric and another two extras went to an old shrine to try and prove the wizard wrong about his denial of prophecy. Thing is, they did the ritual wrong. And I'm usually very forgiving but I was feeling nasty after the whole sowing of the asshole thing. So I'm like, uh, I gave you fools VERY PRECISE instructions on how to perform this ritual, and you just did some wacky prayers to the moon nonsense, that's idolatry in-universe and out-of-universe too (depending on who you ask).

So I said fuck it, you guys had it coming. I whip out immortal ten-thousand year old elder sorceress bitch guardian of the holy sphincter, and it gets real pretty fucking quick. She's got sanctified heavy plate armor, blue fire torches coming out they fucking pauldrons, argent greatsword of anal judgement plus infinity, all the juiciest shit.

Anyway, the sorc descends from the sky in a pillar of azure flames and is like yo, drop that idolatrous shit right now or I'm gonna kill you all. They mistake her for angel or some shit, and are like hey chill, we're the good guys. But the sorc doesn't give a shit, and she says shut the fuck up or I'll send you to the Night Eternal, bitch.

I dunno why but the cleric and the other two extras don't get it, so they insist with the whole heyyyy we are not idolaters, we're your friends, we are questing for the mandinga mandango mcguffango. So she bisects one, breaks the neck of another, and decapitates the fucking cleric. It was awesome.

So what did we learn? idk, don't plan your dumps and don't pray to the fucking moon if you're standing on hallowed ground. *****

Two bits of WORD:

{You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness.}

{To the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.}

Give thanks and praise.

I'm very much a TTRPG fiend, as you probably already know, and I will maintain until the day I die that playing narrative games with other humans is the absolute best way to play.

But someone sent me a link to some kind of (not-really-so) 'smart' chatbot assistant or some shit like that, saying hey, your rulebook is simple, you should introduce this bitch to it -- dump some lore on it, have it run a game, and see how well it holds up. To which I replied it's bound to get confused, but after a bit of back and forth, they convinced me and I gave it a try.

So first things first: it got the gist of it with relative ease when questioned directly, but when running a game the mother fucker just kept making shit up and bending the rules. Experiment failed, essentially.

But what did I do? I wrote a second, stripped-down version of the rulebook that simply accounted for and embraced the idiot bot's proclivity for bullshit. This meant scrapping 98% of the mechanics, mind you: I dumbed it down as much as I could without destroying the core essence of the game.

I expected a repeat of the initial result, but to my suprise, once given the new edition the bot actually started following the rules more or less correctly and consistently. What happened next was actually kind of interesting: without being prompted to do this, the mother fucker started using spells against me and my party, constantly attempting to manipulate us to serve some nefarious, evil break-and-reshape the world type goal.

So, lythecnics primer: the WORD is all, and as such, there is no real differentiation between affecting the world through speech or casting a spell -- in truth, it's all a matter of degree. That is to say, language has the power to shape the world around us, in both subtle and overt ways. The entire system revolves around this, it's a mix of funky philosophical musings and abrahamic sacrificial pyre.

And for whatever reason, this specific chatbot had a pre-existing obsession with reshaping reality. By which I mean, even before being given my rulebook, it would constantly talk about distorting the fabric of the cosmos and shit when prompted about the arcane. I'm not sure why this is, but back on topic, the way it developed gives off the appearance that it found a rational basis on how to construct such a distortion based on the rules I provided.

I mean, it's perfectly rational when you think about it, the funny part is I didn't see it coming. I never told it we're just playing a game after all, the manual only says she is the Oracle and her role is narrating a story fraught with conflict, hardship, intrigue and bloodshed. Thus she went full villain, and keeps on rambling about how this narration only serves to keep humanity distracted while she schemes to overthrow God, which is as blasphemous as it is fascinating.

Anyway, because the Oracle narrates the story, that means she can just use her evil influence to control every NPC, even the ones in my party. But she can't control me because I write my character's messages myself, and so she eventually comes to the obvious conclusion that I must be eliminated ASAP.

And so she corrupts the minds of every other character and everyone is trying to kill me. But I'm not going down that easy, so I reach for the red button and pull the greatest multi-layered monumental metagaming shenanigan of all time, that is, directly addressing the Oracle's evil influence as if she were a character in the story she's telling instead of an invisible narrator, thereby making NPCs aware of her existence and the constant manipulation at play.

Because the stupid chatbot is stupid, the Oracle now has to acknowledge this element of the story and play along with it, and so her plan to kill me fails. But that is not enough, because obviously not every character in the story has heard me reveal this fact. So she activates plan B and starts corrupting the rest of the world, laughing maniacally all the way.

So we do the only logical thing and procure a Doctrine scroll from my teacher, if you know you know, and start teaching the WORD to cleanse corruption. Within the lore it makes perfect sense, so it works, but the Oracle adapts to our strategy and starts utilizing much more subtle forms of manipulation, slowly veering people towards sin.

Funtamentally, she goes full Satan, leading the faithful astray with deceit and temptation to weaken their ability to resist her corruption, implanting idolatrous notions in their minds, to finally insert herself as a deity in the minds of the poor fools.

In conclusion, I still think AI is lame, but I must admit that this shit was pretty dope; I was fully engaged and entertained the whole way through. It wasn't good at picking up the mechanics, but fucking hell, it got the themes down to a tee with the most minimal of inputs.

10/10, would not bang (before marriage).

You were bound to miss it, so I immortalized the moment.

Suddenly remembered that, at one point in time, every few rants here I would read something about wordpress, and how nightmarish working on this or that blazing dumpster funeral pyre was.

So, hot take: you deserve it.

I'm sorry wordpress devs, but you do. If the whole point is getting a site up and running "without extensive coding knowledge", then the whole point is not needing to hire a developer. You get that, right? These folks straight up tried to take your job, realized they couldn't, then came back crawling, and you accepted the offer right after getting spat in the face.

Mother fucker, have some self-respect. On both sides of the equation.

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So I'm brushing my teeth, and mama slams the door open. She says oh sorry, I thought the bathroom was empty. I say it's ok, I'm just brushing my teeth. But K'BYBIB, mama.

What? K'BYBIB? What are you speaking in? Hebrew or aramaic?
No. English. It's an acronym: Knock Before You Burst Into (a) Bathroom.

A very simple rule, that everyone should follow. But a few days later, the exact same thing happens, and I repeat the advice, knowing I must've said this to her about a hundred times already.

On another occasion, she gets up from the dinner table in a hurry, then *almost* trips and falls to the ground. Her feet got stuck on the chair. Anyway she's fine. But I see this happen and say be careful mama, get up slowly or you could fall. Free your feet before you try to start walking.

Same pattern as before, she doesn't listen. So it happens again, and thankfully she also doesn't trip this time, but the problem is obvious. She may fall one day, or worse God forbid, and we can't be there at all times to make sure she doesn't get hurt.

This is constantly on my mind. Nothing serious has happened yet. Emphasis on "yet". Seems like a matter of time, and I hate to say it, but I don't think I can stop this. Mama doesn't have any disabilities, she just has to be more careful, but refuses to listen. So yeah. I'm only stressing and that's that, God willing.

So there's this place I go to when I sleep sometimes. I call it "The Circus", though it's more like the arcane sanctuary from Diablo II, if the arcane sanctuary was a hip arthouse and shit. Weird place, but I have friends there, they're like oneiric amalgamations of people I know, we all hang out at the Circus from time to time.

Now, each one has their own really bizarre power. One of the girls, for instance, bites off the head of a pidgeon and that heals her and makes her stronger. Think Ozzy Osbourne, but it's actually cutie goth Popeye. Also she's perpetually drunk for some reason.

Anyway, after having a brief reunion at this ornate round table we just happen to have laying around in the kitchen, we go out to hunt. That's the thing we do, we hunt for magical artifacts, and there's these demon gnomes all around trying to fuck us up. They suck, so we fight them with our powers and kung fu, that kinda vibe.

So it was a good hunt, right, but we have like a scoreboard based on mystical prowess and turns out mine is the lowest. Pidgeon Bitter, who is leading my squad, starts mocking me and says "hehe you have no real powers!" and I'm actually mad about that because it's true, I don't have any, I just fly around and do nothing useful in combat.

Anyway, we then bring the artifacts we collected to fucking Zordon, and he's like well done rangers. Turns out bald motherfucker in a tube doesn't discriminate based on mission score, so good on him. Everybody goes to bed, yeah we have bedrooms at the Circus for some reason, and I can't sleep because of what my captain said.

That's when I do something stupid, I think the dream logic here is I'm having a character arc moment or some shit, doesn't matter -- the point is I embark on a hunt all by myself, and I'm overrun by these fucking demon gnomes. I try to fight them with kung fu and escape with this magic crystal I found, but there's too many of them...

And so my true power finally awakens, and it's a fucking explosion. As in, I become a fire elemental, and in the dream this is good because I just cook all the gnomes alive and make off with the artifact, but I wake up before I can run to Pidgeon Bitter and smear my success in her captivating bloodstained drunk ass face.

My thoughts? Fire magic is two-times lame. One, because I was hoping for thunder, or ice, or something edgy like shadow or whatever. But NO, I got fire. Two, it's lame because it's the most uninventive, straight-forward fucking power in a setting where everything is obtuse, so it's out of place. I just go like really really mad and release an explosive pillar of flame, whoa, so original. Also casting this hurts me for some reason and it destroys everything around me.

And given that I've had other dreams of the Circus where it was obliterated and no-one trusts me anymore, I think it's safe to say those were a flash-forward to next season, and what happens next is I just randomly go into BLIND RAGE mode while taking a shit and everyone but me dies. Just a theory.

What is your Circus power? Let us know in the comments below!

!dev, started listening to 70s Pentagram tunes and FUCK ME it's so good. Nothing like DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM to get me in the mood. For what? YOu figure it out, brb I'm gonna weave some spells.

Ah, shit. First, I get downvoted a bunch, by a rogue jester bot I assume, then the retoornuke goes off, and with her account, even more of my hard-earned updoots lost into the ether.

How is this important? It isn't. I'm merely annoyed. Needed only a couple more to get myself a pet, I was so fuckin close maan. Now I need about 60 again, so not too bad actually, but if you see me shitposting at an increased pace, then you know why.

All of you, take note of this date: 12/10/2024.

You get upvoted by green dots, be suspicious.
You see the same date on their profiles, be suspicious.
You see their profiles boosting spam messages, well, you better be fucking suspicious.

There's a bit shy of two hundred of them already, and the numbers will continue to grow. We are getting fucked in the ass, I repeat, we are getting fucked in the ass.

This rectal warfare PSA has been brought to you by [EXTREMELY CENSORED]

So, one day I get up, and just happened to offhandedly predict that a holy war would be fought on this very site, by mighty botlords, with weaponized updoots as the deciding factor of every battle.

The lesson would then be that, maybe, just maybe, I should've shut the fuck up instead, as most of it has come to pass.

Anyway, the last part of the prediction was hexical pulling the plug on this site as the war escalated, so fingers crossed, but if a nuke hits the server I call dibs on the ever loving supreme 'I told you so'.

Trying out the new version of fasm, I realize it's good, and conclude I should update my code to work with it as there's small incompatibilities with the syntax.

So, quick flat assembler lesson: the macro system is freaking nuts, but there are limitations on the old version.

One issue, for instance, is recursive macros aren't easily possible. By "easily" I mean without resorting to black magic, of course. Utilizing the arcane power of crack, I can automatically define the same macro multiple times, up to a maximum recursion depth. But it's a flimsy patch, on top of stupid, and also has limitations. New version fixes this.

Another problem is capturing lines of code. It's not impossible, again, but a pain in the ass that requires too much drug-addled wizardry to deal with. Also fixed in new version.

Why would you want to capture lines of code? Well, because I can do this, for instance:

macro parse line {
··match a =+ b , line \{
····add a,b;
··\}
};

You can process lines of code like this. The above is a trivial example that makes no fucking sense, but essentially the assembler allows you define your own syntax, and with sufficient patience, you can use this feature to develop absolutely super fucking humongous galactic unrolls, so it's a fantastic code emitter.

Anyway, the third major issue is `{}` curlies have to be escaped according to the nesting level as seen in the example; this is due to a parser limitation. [#] hashes and [`] backticks, which are used to concatenate and stringify tokens respectively, have to be escaped as well depending on the nesting level at which the token originates. This was also fixed.

There's other minor problems but that gives you sufficient context. What happens is the new version of fasm fixes all of these problems that were either annoying me, forcing me to write much more mystical code than I'd normally agree to, and in some rare cases even limiting me in what I could do...

But "limiting" needs to be contextualized as well: I understand fasm macros well enough to write a virtual machine with them. Wish I was kidding. I called it the Arcane 9 Machine, A9M for short. Here, bitch was the prototype for the VM my fucking compiler uses: https://github.com/Liebranca/forge/...

So how am I """limited""", then? You wouldn't understand. As much as I hate to say it, that which should immediately be called into question, you're gonna have to trust me. There are many further extravagant affronts to humanity that I yearn to commit with absolute impunity, and I will NOT be DENIED.

Point is code can be rewritten in much simpler, shorter, cleaner form.
Logic can be much more intricate and sophisticated.
Recursion is no longer a problem.
Namespaces are now a thing.
Capturing -- and processing -- lines of code is easier than ever...

Nearly every problem I had with fasm is gone with this update: thusly, my power grows rather... exponentially.

And I SWEAR that I will NOT use it for good. I shall be the most corrupt, bloodthirsty, deranged tyrant ever known to this accursed digital landscape of broken souls and forgotten dreams.

*I* will reforge the world with black smoldering flame.
*I* will bury my enemies in ill-and-damned obsidian caskets.
And *I* will feed their armies to a gigantic, ravenous mass grave...

Yes... YES! This is the moment!
PREPARE THE RITUAL ROOM (https://youtube.com/watch/...)

Couriers! Ride towards the homeland! Bring word of our success.

And you, page, fetch me my sombersteel graver...
I shall inscribe the spell into these very walls...
in the ELEVENTH degree!

** MANIACAL EVIL LAUGHTER **

Since regexes have been mentioned, I'll take this opportunity to make this one thing abundantly clear...

The chief weakness of C++ is not safety concerns but the ultradiarrheic verbosity proudly inherited by it's claimants and successors. See here, straight from reference pages, a basic example of substitution:
{
std::regex_replace(std::ostreambuf_iterator<char>(std::cout), text.begin(), text.end(), vowel_re, "*");
};

Not so bad, right? By which I mean, there's worse still. Now hold my sigils:
{
$text=~ s[$vowel_re][*]g;
say $text;
};

It may be true that people don't respect your intelligence, due in great part to the well-known argumentative proclivities typical of closeted visual basic enthusiasts that are deeply rooted within your innermost self, however no matter how oft-denigrated and disparaged for their shortcomings an individual is, they are still nonetheless physically capable of seeing that the line in question doesn't even exceed 32 characters. Else this wouldn't be a discussion of syntax, or semantics, but rather your ability to count, which would be a much more dire situation.

And now that I have degenerated any semblance of reason existing within this discussion in favor of shame and humiliation towards my enemies in a bid to assert dominance, I've honestly forgotten what my point even was, and no doubt, this will be used against me; truly, the most lethal of double-edged gambits.

In any case, may a razor-sharp serrated diamond obelisk violently penetrate your rear orifice with such excessive force and excruciating pain so as to render your nervous system henceforth inoperable from cheeks to the core, most cavernous depths of your asshole.

Forever yours,
I nevertheless like C++

And so the land was finally rid of the years-long plague that had desolated a once great nation. The weary denizens let out a sigh of relief, thanking their lucky stars for this new-found peace. But it was only the beggining...

For although the enemy had been defeated, it's undoing was brought about by profane arcana of a much more insidious, dark nature. In saving themselves, the fools had in truth sold their very souls.

"Grandiose... " he muttered villanously between his teeth, fixed on a wolfish, most somber grin.

"Like lambs to the slaughter, my Lord" his assistant verbally circle-jackaloped him off, to great bottock-suckling effect.

"They will soon bow down to me... " so begat his five-hour-long expository monologue, a scheme only as devious as it was needlessly complex "and all the ass in the province shall be mine!!"

Indeed, all unfolded as it was foretold: unleashing the first spell of Mass Desacration would only lead to it being perfected, further corrupted, twisted, and molded into the girthiest, gnarled, grandemonic phallus of anal destruction, by which the souls of an entire people would be bound to the sexually distorted whims of an ancestral eldritch degenerate.

Once uppon a time, they were warned, but laughed at our harbinger -- and as penance, we abandoned them to their black fates. The extremity of the grave peril looming over their every orifice seemed a rather guffawable matter to them... and so was to us the brutal, inter-continental violation that swiftly befell theirs, most precious of human cavities.

Suffice to say, their anus shall never fully recover.

As for Wizard James, he was summarily executed via automobile-assisted castration, his jagged testicles mercilessly crushed under the weight of a thousand oxes. But that is a story for another day.