!dev && feelsbadman

I don't know what to think.
All I know is that I just went reaaaaal close to a disaster.

Friday morning, my "scariest" manager (as in, if you have to meet with him, it's usally for something serious) told me that he needed to see me on monday (so today) with the lead dev, the project manager and the dude who recruited me.

The meeting was like an arena of 4 vs 1, where they all 4 had problem with the work I do, as in I make a lot of small but stupid mistakes that wastes everyone's time. As an excuse, I suffer from sleep apnea so I wake up as tired I am when I go to sleep, and I snore loud as fuck. I've heard some records, it's not even human. (I'm 1m85-ish for 125 kg, it's BIG but with my morphology it's not like I'm a ball of fat)

Anyway. And since it's not the first time they're reproaching me this kind of stuff, they were all... really angry. Because I'm a nice guy, competent and all but not productive enough and easily distracted.

So, when the manager asked me to meet me, it was to fire me. However, during the lunch break, the lead dev found a solution: I get out of the current project I was in until this morning, and I write all the functional tests for all the projects, because they all lack quality and we sometimes deliver regresses.

They proposed me this in a way I could refuse, and I'd get fired because they had no other options. Obviously, I said yes, I'm not stupid enough to decline a possibilty to avoid a monstruous shitstorm that would have cut me my studies, the money for taxes, and a lot of fun to find a job as fast as possible.

But what surprised me the most is that they were genuinely glad I accepted, like, even though I made my shit ton of mistakes, they weren't pleased at all to get rid of me.

And in a way, I'm the one who won in this story, since I don't have to work with Drupal anymore, excepted to parse the website to write my tests, but my nightmare fuel is finally gone *.*

I don't know where to finish with this rant, but I needed to vent this whole thing, to write it somewhere so I can move forward.

I wish y'all a nice week.

Being in a meeting my colleagues "caused" by not meeting an impossible deadline for a project I wasn't assigned to...

I just sat there not being able to say anything because I didn't know what the hell was going on....

I write a quick prompt thinking nothing of it, just trying to generate an image to illustrate the next baddie in the dungeon, but I nail it on the first try and the resulting image PHYSICALLY affects me.

What the fuck, now I cannot unsee. I didn't think this was possible. I assumed the whole "cursed photo" thing was just kids being easily disturbed, turns I was wrong. DO NOT fucking mix hyper realistic 3D rendering and cryptids, do NOT fucking do it. THe moment you get anything resembling a """face""" on the other side you've just consumed years worth of nightmare fuel.

Unsettling? Fuck you, this is beyond that. The eyes I saw on the other side of the screen made me RECOIL in fear. You think you know what NOPE means, let me tell you, I have just *FELT* what __NOPE__ stands for.

I would hope I sleep well tonight, but I don't think I will. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

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