Details
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AboutSenior Fullstack Web, eCommerce and Salesforce Developer. The browser is just the doorway into my world.
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SkillsI have a very particularly long set of skills, Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
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LocationHarikane et al - HD1
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Website
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Github
Joined devRant on 7/10/2016
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What is it with over qualified, over certified consultants that go around spouting "best practises", and then come delivery time, have the most absurd bullshit that a junior with 3 weeks of knowledge in a particular subject would know what you just served up is nothing more then a pile of shit that will not be deployed even if your livelihood depended on it.
... Monday gonna be fun!3 -
The things people do...
Let's add a virtual tamagotchi to vsCode.
VsCode pets anyone?
https://github.com/tonybaloney/...4 -
Happy 2023, may all your gym memberships be worth while, this time🙃
On a serious note though, what's your goto blogging platform these days?
Beyond Wordpress because well, let's not trigger PTSD for some of us, what are you gals and guys using in 2023?4 -
I can't even deal with this. We just deployed a new update to our system, and everything was going smoothly. And then, out of nowhere, we started getting a bunch of error messages and user complaints.
Why do these things always happen? We spent hours trying to figure out the source of the problem, and it turns out it was because we didn't do enough testing before the deployment. Are you kidding me?
I know that testing can be time-consuming, but seriously, this is ridiculous. It's frustrating when something like this happens, especially when we're under a tight deadline. And to make matters worse, we had to roll back the deployment and start all over again. I just want to throw my computer out the window.
Uuuugghhh!2 -
Half way through a 2 hour deployment, and a fucking test fails.
Yes, it takes 2+hours to run the tests.
Rerun in test environment: pass
Rerun in prod: pass
Rerun changed test in prod: fail..
Why, why you got to hate me for?
I love it when production is the place where config gets changed.rant tests are good multi environment changes tests can go fuck off right now tests save lives inconsistencies hurt5 -
Forgive me devLords, for I have sinned.
Today, I took while() loop and made it true, it was a dirty ordeal, however it's not entirely my fault, you see the api I called doesn't have a webhook of any kind and doesn't return results in real time either, you have to poll for them..... so here I am writing while(true){} to poll for results that could take seconds or even hours to finish.
😟11 -
i understand some developers like to write wrapper functions to handle tedious things, I even understand how to write dynamic SQL queries, but for the love of fucking god and sanity, NEVER FUCKING DO THIS!!!!
Yes its PHP, but its not even bad PHP, its a fucking abomination from hell of PHP.rant mysql legacy code gone wrong bourbon lots of bourbon why the fuck god no php sql injection ftw what in the flying fuck33 -
Most useless feature?
Any this business seems to think is the next great way to make their lives easier - by adding 500 more steps into an already complex series of cowboy processes.
I love and hate my job some days 🤦♂️1 -
Who doesn't like free* games?
I like me some prime day games!
https://gaming.amazon.com/home
* Amazon Prime subscription required.15 -
That glorious moment when you remove a function from your Javascript.
is_internet_explorer()
It's one job was to detect and prompt a user about not using IE on this shit for a stain website - ironically built for IE 😂
You sir, will not be missed 🥳12 -
Here we go again.
GitHubs copilot goes live and Amazon introduces their own.
https://aws.amazon.com/visualstudio...5 -
Confucius says: not everything that can be done tomorrow, should be done today.
Let's just say it was an extension of the shit show that occurred this week and sweep it under the rug 🤐
Happy fucking Friday!!!7 -
Does anyone use pushover.net or know a reliable / cheap push notification app with an api behind It?
Im trying to setup some monitoring alerts back to my phone, using slack / teams etc for personal projects seems pointless.
Emails are currently being sent but this relies on me actually looking at them and I tend to miss a few important ones. 😂
Not to worried about daily / monthly limits, it's going to be < 20 notifs a day kind of thing on a terribly bad day.6 -
Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.
I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦♂️
I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.rant formulas are great they said useless pile of shit clowns shit better then you you had 1 job stop fucking crashing excel7 -
For everyone here who already fails at css, I have some bad news for you.
CSS-4 coming to a browser near you!
https://www.w3.org/TR/selectors-4/7 -
@dfox
Notifications are busted again!
++ still come through, but mentions are dead 🥲
Anyone seeing the same thing?4 -
Should I be afraid right now?
Dev: can I swap out an existing UI framework from this codebase for a completely different one, because it doesn't do the small enhancement I've been tasked to do?
Me: ...............
please lord, give me strength in these pressing times.rant what could go wrong it's going to be a good week it's only monday @c0d4 needs a whisky mondayitis has begun6 -
Ok you fucks that don't believe in documentation - me included.
Document your shit, because one day, one day some dumb fuck is going to have to recreate your over engineered bullshit of a system and scale it up.
What would fucking be useful right now is ANY god forsaken insight into what in the flying fuck your code is doing, or not doing, or why it makes queries to a database with no fucking records in it 🤦♂️ and then attempts to use that data... in case it did exist.
There's nothing like unpicking a mess of bullshit, and documenting it, and then have to remake it on a new platform.
Documention saves lives kids, maybe your own life one day😬16 -
You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.
What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"
DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!
MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.
my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.
#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!4 -
Why I love Salesforce 👀
- Run a test method
- failure: no field found
- checks test, queries field
- checks field security (access permissions) visible to user
- runs test again
- failure: no field found
- adds debug log of queried field
- runs test again
- succes
Thanks, thanks for fucking with me today 🥲6 -
There's nothing like sitting on the edge of your seat when you see a monster batch of records get sent updates.
This system was built 5 years ago and it's "peak" batch size has been < 400 records in a day, it usually sits around < 100.
It's not a big system and just runs in the background. So yea small numbers for this guy.
today though, I thought something fell down and shit its self, someone decided to add a a few thousand records to this thing and update a fuck tonne of data (for this system anyway)😬
The damn thing is standing it's ground and churning, but fuck, the scale of things is beyond what we ever thought it would have to deal with at any one time.
Build for the insane benchmarks kids, one day... someone's going to drop an elephant on it.5 -
Security!
Offensive and defensive at both code and infrastructure levels.
So many times I see devs not give a flying pancake about security. Whether it be rolling integers for sql injection or permission guarding to prevent someone executing something they shouldn't.
Why is security in this industry always the last thing to be concerned about when it's the first thing that's going to kill your business.
😓7 -
There's nothing like cleaning out a cupboard of stuff you have long since moved on from only to find this hidden in the corner.
I once had a Mac, it's still a piece of shit and I'm not convinced Apple ever made life easier to use one of these 😅3