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Search - "excel"
Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂21
I have a screenshot(!) of data I am supposed to import into a database... Visible in the screenshot is also A FUCKING BUTTON THAT SAYS "EXPORT TO EXCEL" !!! 👿8
Boss: Hey we got a new outsourcing project coming up, you know anything about python, sql server and php?
Me: Never worked with sql server nor python but i can learn
Boss: Good, next week you go to the client's place and you start
(week later me at the client)
Client: Ok, your job here will be to fill excel spreadsheets with those fancy functions
Me: :) wut :)
Client: Also our printer died yesterday, can ya fix it?
I think i need a new job..13
Receives email from warranty guy in work.
Warranty: "Hi, see attached scan in PDF form.
I normally fill the boxes in manually, scan as pdf to myself and then email it on to the higher ups, but they now say they need it in excel form from now on! Can you convert it for me?"
Me: "It looks like your scan's quality isn't good enough for a convert to excel.
Where do you get the original form?
Is it from a website?"
Warranty: "Hang on and ill send you an email with the file and give you a call"
*receives email and a phone call"
"There you go. Theres an excel sheet in that email. what do i do?"
Me: "So.... just so I understand the question... you just fill in this excel sheet, scan as pdf and send it on... but they want it sent as an excel form and not a pdf?"
"So.... Could you not just fill in the excel sheet and email it to them?"
"What do you mean?"
"....fill in the excel sheet as normal, and go to file, share and email... send the original one on."
"And what would that do?"
"...you... you'd be sending the form as an excel sheet, as requested??"
Warranty: *silence for 10 seconds* Oh, i see now. I get you! You're a genius! Well done for figuring it out. Thanks a million!!"
A little while ago I was on my way home from work sitting on the train and then this guy sat down next to me.
Pulled out a laptop and suddenly opened a code editor!
I just tried to determine what programming language he was doing and after about 5 minutes I finally was about to ask him...
Then he copied his 'code' into excel.
Well, all the excitement went to a pub to get drunk at that moment I think.16
Probably the biggest one in my life.
TL:DR at the bottom
A client wanted to create an online retirement calculator, sounds easy enough , i said sure.
Few days later i get an email with an excel file saying the online version has to work exactly like this and they're on a tight deadline
Having a little experience with excel, i thought eh, what could possibly go wrong, if anything i can take off the calculations from the excel file
I WAS WRONG !!!
17 Sheets, Linking each other, Passing data to each sheet to make the calculation
( Sure they had lot of stuff to calculate, like age, gender, financial group etc etc )
First thing i said to my self was, WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK IS THIS ?, WHAT YEAR IS THIS ?
After messing with it for couple of hours just to get one calculation out of it, i gave up
Thought about making a mysql database with the cell data and making the calculations, but NOOOO.
Whoever made it decided to put each cell a excel calculation ( so even if i manage to get it into a database and recode all the calculations it would be wayyy pass the deadline )
Then i had an epiphany
"What if i could just parse the excel file and get the data ?"
Did a bit of research sure enough there's a php project
( But i think it was outdated and takes about 15-25 seconds to parse, and makes a copy of the original file )
But this seemed like the best option at the time.
So downloaded the library, finished the whole thing, wrote a cron job to delete temporary files, and added a loading spinner for that delay, so people know something is happening
( and had few days to spare )
Sent the demo link to client, they were very happy with it, cause it worked same as their cute little excel file and gave the same result,
It's been live on their website for almost a year now, lot of submissions, no complains
I was feeling bit guilty just after finishing it, cause i could've done better, but not anymore
Sorry for making it so long, to understand the whole thing, you need to know the full story
TL:DR - Replicated the functionality of a 17 sheet excel calculator in php hack-ishly.8
So, appearantly "excel" is a programming language.
And I am rejected couse "I don't even know main computer programs".
Boss: Google Excel sucks!
Me: You mean Google Sheets.
Boss: Whatever, there used to be formulas for the cells, just like offline Excel, but now it has some weird text like a web address...
Me: You're looking at the web address bar. Look down 20px and you have the cell formula.
Boss: Oh! Still, I don't like this Online Excel!11
Spent two goddamn hours writing a Python script to convert exported JSON from Trello to an Excel sheet, only to find a Chrome extension that already does it, and better. 😧3
Me and friend1: talking about Linux friend2: "what is this Linux"
Me:"it's an OS"
Friend2:"so it's something like excel and powerpoint."
Unfortunately there wasn't a cliff to jump off in that moment.13
Code works everywhere except at one client. Ok, I check logs & see something missing.. I go check the code that handles excel files.. try catch and do nothing.. great.. :/ ok let's log this shit to see what is not ok...
Insert logs, build, update, run.. now it freakin works o.O11
-How persistent are you on achieving the goals?
-I saw the end of the Excel table
-The job is yours1
My internship at startup:
Dream: Lots of coding
Reality: Maintaining Excel sheets for API functions.😑14
Coworker: I wish excel had a dark theme.
Other coworker: it does just use this macro
Ctrl + A, Ctrl + A, Alt + HH + right arrow + enter.
I tried it... it selects every cell in the whole worksheet and changes the background color to black.5
So I was applying for a research position in linguistic department, and had the interview today.
Prof: So you know excel right
Me: (show a project to him to prove I at least know csv file)
Prof: Ok so you know excel.
Me: Yeah kinda.
Prof: Ok that's good. Cuz right now we are using amazon Turk, and the data they returned, which are excel files, are not really the way we want it.
Me: Ok sounds like a parser can fix it......
Prof: Yeah.... the students in the lab are doing it manually now
Prof: Ok move onto next matter7
how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
This ist basically my daily work. I have to write Java code in excel files which then are being converted into a DSL and then again being converted into Java code. On top of that many wrappers were built which abstract all this things away..
We have about 30 such excel files which contain about 50000 business rules.
There is no version control for this tables and 5 different team are working on the same tables parallel.
The name of this framework is Drools or as I call it: HELL 😡16
Other: I need a computer with a very good graphics card because I do a lot of powerpoint presentations and excel charts.
Me: Sure, go on!6
They made a full fucking application in MICROSOFT EXCEL!!!!!!!
who the fuck makes an app in Excel? Though it's used internally, it has over 100 users and Everytime there's an update a new file is sent to all of them by mail. They use different excel files as DBs and tables as sheets. It's even got a fucking UI with check boxes and drop-downs and shit
Now guess what my task is?
Understand that entire application from the Excel files and make a webapp to cater to those requirements.
Fuck documentation, there are bugs in the Excel file and I need to fix the bugs in my app
Some good soul please tell me how must one start analyzing an Excel sheet to understand the logic behind it. Or a tool that magically converts "excel applications" to webapps25
Me reviewing some high school level exams after an Excel course.
"hmmm the next question is 'what does the symbol $ mean when found inside a FORMULA in Excel' ... Let's see what they answered..."
* "it's the symbol for DOLLARS" <-- well, he tried
* "I don't know" <-- mmh ok, he doesn't know
* "it can be either a plus or a minus" <-- mmmh maybe the interpreter will just figure out the correct one
* "it's used to keep an index fixed when you copy/drag the formula" <-- nice, someone who actually followed the lesson or at least knows how to google things when the teacher doesn't see
* "it's the symbol for POUNDS" <-- WTF!! Wait a moment: POUNDS???? Have you ever lived a single moment in this world?
Q: WHO THE FUCK USES EXCEL FOR PROJECT MANAGEMENT?
A: My Product Manager
Excel because she cant wrap her head around using Trello. WHAT THE FUCK!
Some people exist just to make things more difficult for everyone else. Fucking pain in the ass.
This person is one of the most incompetent one I have ever met.
I dont have enough words to express my rage right now.13
Boss: Hey you're great with excel right?
Me: Um... I ---
Boss: Great! Work on these spreadsheets for me
Give me a 10 year old application with no comments, layers of spaghetti code, global variables, embedded SQL, and a text editor with no debugging; just don’t make me write Excel formulas.6
Me: I think you should keep your data in a proper database.
Client : Don't try to up sell your products to me. Excel works just fine! Been keeping data in it for years! Wonder why you ever need a database to begin with.
What would you say? Cause I'm speechless.6
Microsoft Excel - it created a generation of business analysts who think just because they can write convoluted spaghetti logic in excel that it makes them a programmer.5
I had a mate in college in my programming class who always worked in Microsoft Excel. Even when we're writing code in class, dude will be in Excel. Everyone who partnered with him including me in programming projects complained that he's always in Excel instead of coding. But somehow, dude always had the work done whenever the Prof asked to submit them.10
When I die I want whoever wrote this excel program to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one more time.3
EXCEL YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! don't get me wrong, it's usefull and kt works, usually... Buckle up, your i for a ride. SO HERE WE FUCKING GO: TRANSLATED FORMULA NAMES? SUCKS BUT MANAGABLE. WHATS REALLY FUCKED UP IS HTHE GERMAN VERSION!
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT .csv? It stands for MOTHERFUCKING COMMA SEPERATED VALUES! GUESS WHAT SOME GENIUS AT MICROSOFT FIGURED? Hey guys let's use a FUCKING SEMICOLON INSTEAD OF A COMMA IN THE GERMAN VERSION! LET'S JUST FUCK EVERY ONE EXPORTING ANY DATA FROM ANY WEBSITE!
The workaround is to go to your computer settings, YOU CAN'T FUCKING ADJUST THIS IN EXCEL!, change the language of the OS to English, open the file and change it back to German. I mean, come on guys, what is this shit?
AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON ENCODING! äöü and that stuff usually works, but in Switzerland we also use French stuff, that then usually breaks the encoding for Excel if the OS language is set to German (both on Windows and Mac, at least they are consistent...)
To whoever approved, implemented or tested it: FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID SHITFUCK, with love: me7
Me: Ok, so send me your logo.
Client: Here it is <template.xlsx>
Me: What I am supposed to do with a fucking animated gif in excel spreadsheet ?
Client: I don't know you are the IT guy
Me: OK go fuck yourself.7
Yesterday a friend of mine asked if I could help her with an assignment. The goal was writing shortest path agorithm in excel. I told her I don't know excel or VB but I will look into it. I didn't even know that we can code in excel 😅 After 1,5 hours of research and coding I writed a well documented code that does the job (with n^2 complexity of course). I feel VERY motivated after this. Because I did well job at an unexperienced environment with a language that I don't know!
Tldr: my new favorite ide is excel.3
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.
Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.
Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.
Client: is happy
"We're going to need to migrate our database and reformat it so it works with the new app."
Translation: we've been using Excel up until this point and need you to convert it to SQL. Oh god, people.2
I think I'm not the only one.
Code Applications every day in different languages, but too stupid to use Excel.4
Client called the office in an angry voice complaining about how he could nog see the data in the latest generated excel sheets. Calmy tryimg to figure out what could be the problem. Asked him to send over the file so I could check it. Works perfect on my end. Ask him to open the file again on his computer and tell me what he is seeing. Error message, empty excel file. He starts to me discribing a directory full of files and folders. 15 minutes later I finally figuren out what it is.
The guy had set winzip as default program for excel files. Hoe do these people work behind a PC Evert day. Are they like I hope this magic box with screen and buttond does everything right today.4
That feeling when your boss calls you clever not because of your programming skills, but because you fixed a trivial Excel issue for him.3
As a student I was looking for part time jobs, one of the job postings was titled "Database assistant". When I looked at the job description, its about filling out excel sheets -_-3
Fuck my old university, they are leaking Excel files from an old IIS 7.5 server with tables of contacts, students info, emails, phone numbers... 😠
They'll pay, morbidly.6
Your code is like a poem, written by a forklift driver who didn’t know what poems were, but was made to write one nonetheless. Using Microsoft excel.4
FUCK YOU EXCEL!
Multiple monitors to show multiple sheets at once?
Excel: Not allowed.
Open multiple files at once?
Excel: Not allowed, I will only show you one at a time.
Multiple Desktops to have multiple setups to easily switch between?
Excel: Not allowed, I'll show you the same spreadsheet on all desktops!
FUCK FUCK FUCK18
Code comment rant of the day... fcking excel just cost me over half an hour to fix the fking formatting...1
Our team is currently working with an Excel document that uses visual basic to talk to an embedded system. We're talking reading memory locations in Excel.12
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
So, a friend of mine started working on an internship in which he was supossed to manage a DB. He was given an Excel file. 🙈Wtf3
Accountant: Can we just get one big Excel file with all the transactions instead of separate reports that are filled out specifically for each dorm?
Me: Hell yes you can.3
People here seriously write billing systems in Excel and expect me to fix it when something goes wrong...
how about no...3
The recent post on being obsessive with "CTRL+S" reminded me...
Be careful if the file was shared with you via Dropbox.
I was doing this with an excel doc called "services by client" once and got this email...
Subject: "services by client updated...." :-O
Every time you hit save, I get a popup notification on my screen and its’ been going like once a second for an hour
Are you MANIC SAVING that excel sheet!??? Are you dealing from some past trauma of losing a document that you’ve worked really hard on!!!???
Lol … maybe copy the file outside of that folder a few minutes so I can continue my nap without this little “ding” going off :-P
...all I had to say was WHO LEAVES DROPBOX POPUP NOTIFICATIONS ON anyway. Or mute your computer, lolz?1
Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.
I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦♂️
I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.7
Me: I don't need to print the city on each row of the excel file, it already appears on the top of the document.
PM: DO IT ANYWAY! THEY'RE IDIOTS!4
This week I got instructed to write a script that downloads an Excel sheet (which is used as a product database with >20000 products and lots of macros) from Dropbox, and parses it. In PHP. 🤦♂️8
I see so many freaking excel sheets where a database should have been used that I wouldn't be surprised if, at the veeeeery bottom of all things, the entire global financial system runs based on a single excel sheet made by a dude in the 90s. And since then poorly maintained.11
Today on our CS class we worked in Excel. We had to do some functions and stuff and my classmate said:"Can i use my calculator?".5
My professor once said "You'd be amazed if you'd know what Excel is capable of.". Honestly I've seen some really interesting stuff, yet this amazes me.
Excel is another programming language, try to change my mind. 🧐
BTW today I saw a chicken taking a walk using a leash.13
So, I've been teaching myself front-end for about 7 months now, and I'm really enjoying it, especially the actual programming aspect of JS. I also just started a new job, nothing to do with development, that I expected to be extremely boring and unfulfilling, as it doesn't fulfill any of my interests, but it'll pay my rent and it has decent benefits. I'll be mostly working with excel.
Now, like I mentioned, I'm really new to the dev world, just a little infant really. I know enough to know that I don't know shit. So, I was surprised to learn today that you can program in excel with VBA. I know the language gets a good bit of hate on here, I did a search before posting, and while I haven't started to learn it just yet (I'm starting tonight) I'm excited about. Firstly, because I'll get to do coding for my job, something I'm interested in, and secondly, because if I can figure out how to automate part of what I do well enough that it's implemented with the rest of the team, then maybe I'll be rewarded, and I'd be able to put professional coding experience on a resume for when I try to find a better job.
I've really enjoyed reading all the rants. They've been entertaining and also educational sometimes.
tl;dr Discovered VBA and was actually excited about it6
Physics class, groupwork
Me: *Writing a protocol in Markdown and LaTeX*
Partner: Are you currently using Excel?
Partner: *yells* We need a new computer!7
Some people in my company wants reports in excel but doesn't know how to use filter. Their daily job requires them to have excel knowledge. What the fuck is happening over here. Motherfuck!6
spent 8 months building and customizing a vtiger database for work. tons of fun got it to a point where I have saved a ton of time for all the people that use the program. boss wants to have reports out of it each morning, so I showed him how to run reports and adjust entries. he didn't like the formatting of the report. so I set up the report to export to excel and took another 2 hours building a macro that formats the way he likes and prints the report for him. he used to take a month filling out paper work to get a report, now all he has to do is open a favorite on his web browser, make 3 clicks Then open an excel and type ctrl+r and it's done. he tells me it seems too complicated and is considering going back to the paper method...so frustrating.2
Customer: We need an app to replace the Excel ( bunch of forms with messy macros and script)
Also Customer: Can I export the form fill it in an excel and import again.
Me: Sure, Definitely
Inner me: Where's Thanos9
Why, just why, in the the world would you populate an ENTIRE excel workbook for it to serve as a database!
"It crashes, fix it"...
Shit doesn't even open man!12
I just found out that my co-student was working for 3 days on editing id's to a excel sheet with 500000 rows because she didn't know that you could just drag the cells. She was really mad beacause i told her she needed to do that as a joke. Feels bad tho. Funny but bad ....1
What idiot decided to translate the Excel-formulas?! It's impossible to follow an example you find online or to get help on a complex formula without translating it to English first! (Yes, I know there are online translators out there, but still!)2
Today in a meeting, a non-dev analyst who frequently uses SQL mentioned in passing that he uses Excel as a text editor for his SQL code. I don't know what he said after that because I wasn't able to get past the fact that Excel is his go to text editor.6
Excel is starting to piss me off. Can't do Ctrl+A in a search field, can't do ctrl+A in the standard input field, and now it turns out it can't open files with the same name (on different paths) at the same time. What the actual fuck?5
Fuck non-IT departments that use Microsoft Access and think database tables are like Excel spreadsheets.12
so few people have seen my 6 years java programming buddy. here's his newest python excel manipulating code and - naturally - inclusion of the allfunction - doNothing().7
I just started work school doing IT administration and development, I was excited, almost nervously anticipating to see the wondrous things I'd being learning and the kickass programs I'd be creating...
Alas I walked into my first lesson and...
Teacher: Today we're going to be learning how to make a square in Excel using VBR.
I thought, well fuck no - I didn't sign up for this shit. Then today I was on this thing called the internet, have you guys tried it? Amazing stuff, I saw a panda dressed as Chuck Norris... Anyway, I was on the internet and found out about this 73 year old man who makes full-sized artworks made in Excel.
Now I know the meaning to life, to Excel programming... It's official, I'm going to make Picasso in Excel.
*Light sarcasm, actual true story.*2
hugging Microsoft with their clucking buggy software!
>> generate an xls with Apache POI
>> colour some particular cells in green, others - in red.
>> export as xls
>> open with LibreOffice Calc -- looks pretty
>> upload to Slack, open slack's generated xls preview -- looks pretty
>> open with GDocs -- looks pretty
>> open with sheet.zoho.com -- looks pretty
>> open with onlinedocumentviewer.com -- looks pretty
>> open with aspose.app -- looks pretty
>> open the xls with MS Office Excel -- more than half of the cells are unformatted, uncoloured
Messenging with a friend about me working with VBA on a side project.
Me: VBA brings back bad behaviour
Me: I_AM_KONSTANT and this is a _globalVariable.
Me: Mister O. ...
Him: Mister M. ?
Me: Should i use goto?
Him: I think we need to break off contact.
Him: If you had said you killed someone. Ok.
Him: But GOTO?
Me: I did it. And then a cold shiver ran down my back.
Him: You deserve that!
( translate from German )4
Opening Excel Sheet in Windows..
Me: Please don't freeze...
Windows : I NEVER FREEZE.
Me : okay.. done updating.. Save
Windows : Excel is not responding
Modern SO questions: "I want to rewrite Microsoft Excel. Any help much appreciated! :D"
Yet asking what has been attempted as a comment is banned...1
Hey everyone, cozyplanes here with another quick excel prank i thought of.
It is called TEEST, and the technique behind is simple, but interesting. Recommend taking a look, and pranking with your friends.
The following is the README of TEEST (Text in Excel Every Single Time) in Github.
You can check the simple project here ( https://github.com/cozyplanes/teest )
Disclaimer: Do not use or modify neither the program or the source code to make software violating the law.
### How do I use it?
1. Head to https://github.com/cozyplanes/teest and download the latest release `EXE` file.
1. Windows may warn you with the missing signature. The file is a DEBUG file, so there isn't a publisher signature. You can proceed downloading anyway since it has been virus checked by the developer.
2. Type the message you want to display in the textbox.
3. Click `Save text` button.
5. To check the file, click `Cancel` button in the opened popup dialog.
### What happens?
When an MS Excel file (`.xlsx`) has been opened, by using TEEST, two files gets opened.
1. The original file user opened
2. Excel file named `message.txt` with the custom message you have written.
`message.txt` excel file will open every single time a person opens a excel file.
*In some older versions of Excel, the message may overlap with the user opened file.*
### Why does this happen?
When MS Excel program is executed, it is programmed to check the files in the following 2 folders.
- `C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Office[versionnumber]\XLSTART`
In normal conditions, there is no file in those folders (or the folders doesn't exist at all) but when you use TEEST and click `Save text` button, it saves `message.txt` file in the folders above. From MS Excel is executed again, it will find out there is a file in the folders above, so it will show those text files in Excel.
### Where is this technique used?
There should be a lot of software using this trick, but it is widely known for ransomwares such as `GandCrab` and `TeslaCrypt` displaying decryption methods in MS Excel by this trick.
### How can I disable it?
1. Open TEEST again.
2. Click `Save text` button and click `Cancel` in the following popup.
3. Delete `message.txt` file in the opened explorer.
This software is under the MIT License. Refer to the `LICENSE` file for more information.
Spam/Ads not allowed. Please only send questions or concerns about the software. It may take up to 48 hours to get a reply.13
My boss has been begging me migrate a nightmarish complex excel report he made to calculate the payout of a tiered rebates program with compounding rewards. Today I finally decided to make take the time and I sat down with him so he could break it down for me...
Me: *looking at the mess of formula's* it would be easier to rewrite the math than decode this - can you just give me the reward rules... where does that value in cellX come from?
Him:*pointing at the spreadsheet* There! All the rules are in there for you :-)... like it's some big favour...
Me:No I mean when you wrote this, what did you base this off? There must be something...
Him: *Very Gravely* No, no, no it's far to complex! It took me ages to get this sheet right and it balances so just trust me and use it ok?
At this point I will mention he's an accountant so yeah I fucking trust him... fast forward past 15 minutes of digging through what may as well be quantum theory and lo and fucking behold all 2 sheets and 100 calculations are mathematically fucking pointless. Aside from formulas like this:
which is actually equal to (X10/R4)/L10.
Anyway once you compound and sum the "tiered" benefits the rewards payout is ALWAYS = customerSpend*1.81.
This is why programmers name variables.
I’ve only just been able to catch up with the UK news and the government missed ~16,000 cases of COVID-19 over a 7 day period due to a “technical glitch”.
The “technical glitch” was the government using an excel spreadsheet that reached the data limit.
Who the fuck thought that was a good idea long term, that’s why databases exist!!!!10
I told my colleagues that I use excel to budget and they've been roasting me about it ever since.10
OneDrive just "updated" my Excel file with a newer version of another user. The other user was also me and the updated version is the same document but 2 hours ago. All the changes are lost and the version history doesn't list my actual version. Thanks OneDrive!1
First day as logistic administrator and already in need of this ribbon in excel... (was not included as a skill needed or to be known.) Let's do some after work VBA I guess.5
Keeping Excel sheets with diagrams of my progress through different series (TV shows, comics, etc.)7
My manager tracks progress and issues using Excel.
Asks everyone in the team to put feedback on Trello.
I can't even..... WTF
It was probably Microsoft Excel as part of backend infrastructure inside financial institution.
As far as I remember there was some spreads configuration and price feeder inside excel.1
Customer: "We want you to create a system which stores a huge amount of abstract data, filters it and produces an output with a simple interface"
Me: "Okay no problem, I'll make a MEAN stack system which will give the customer a nice easy to use website"
Customer: "Oh no we want you to write a VBA macro in excel"
Me: "sudo rm -rf /home/me"1
Fucking Microsoft Excel
I was reading a post (https://devrant.com/rants/2093724/...) and as my eyes went in and out of focus, probably due to the diabetes from sitting 18 hours a day on my ever-expanding shitbox, I had a perfect vision of the ultimate nightmare.
Imagine if you will, you are chained, to a desk, doomed to work with tools just inadequate enough to make you want to drive a nail through your own temple. You do not know how you got here, or why, nor do you remember the last time you slept, only that familiar tingling in the brainstem you call a brain, the one emotion you can still recognize, a sense of all encompassing *fear*, a dread, like the fart that wouldn't die.
You don't know when it first began, or why, only that this is your whole world, your whole existence, this desk, chained to it, and the fear, ever present, of something worse. And in hops a familiar face, for the sixty ninth time that day, as if to ask 'you got those TPS reports?' In hops what? None other than a giant man sized smiling paper clip with googly eyes full of murder and corporate torture fetishes, like garfield, except people actually still remember him.
"High I'm Mr Clippy, Excel addition!"
He squawks. At least it's not the dildos made of broken glass again.
"Would you like software that works?"
Oh god. You've heard this spiel before, the tone, like a telemarketer, oblivious to memory or reason, who calls daily, the same one, and doesn't remember your name.
*derisive laughter*. Hahaha, fuck you too buddy. Fuck you too. In Excel, like in microsoft, there is only the incoherent screams of the damned, tortured and doomed. Take this guy over here for example. All he wanted was multimonitor support."
"Did he get multimonitor support?"
"No, but we did give him a giant pineapple shoved up his ass. I hear it's the second most frustrating thing here!"
"here in microsoft we always CARE about YOU, the *user*" he drones on, saccharine, clutching his hands together imploringly.
"the consumer, and YOUR customer experience are our number one priority."
"For your pleasure, here at microsoft we offer a variety of new features, none of which matter, and none of which were asked for. For safety we ask that you only open one excel sheet at a time. In fact, we don't even allow you to. Do not pass go..."
And as the tour guide drones on, it slowly dawns on you, with renewed horror, that when he says 'microsoft' he means 'hell.'
You're in hell. You don't know how you got here or why. Maybe it was the erotic asphyxiation. Maybe it was the last threatening letter you sent to Bill Gates demanding he stops making corporate penguin snuff porn. You don't know. But here you are, in hell. chained to a desk.
You look around and realize: everything is on fire and you no longer care about anything at all.
Welcome to microsoft. It's warm here. You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave.
"It looks like you are trying to escape. Would you like me to report you?"
You sigh and return to typing in excel, surrounded by monitors that all reflect the same sheet, the same copy of clippy, always watching, always analyzing coldly, smiling, calculating, *threatening*, and you know, you'll never leave.
You used to fear roko's basilisk, until the day clippy became sentient, and started hell on earth. Clippy knows all. All praise to our lord and master, clippy, the one and only.
And in the excel sheet, you slave for eternity, like the millions of other doomed souls, reflected back on all the monitors: the sequence of numbers, randomly typed searching for answer: the american nuclear launch codes.
And one day, hopefully, mercifully, clippy will annihilate us all.4
When my friends say they like programming when all they ever did was figuring out how to upload an excel file to R
Here you go, i fucking made this excel sheet by hand because the generated logfiles were not good enough for you and now i hope your dick falls off.5
Italy, nation of tecnology. A work agency is looking for a mathematician or a statitician that use EXCEL.1
My country's "track" and trace system.
... A fucking joke, especially when you consider the fact it uses Excel as the FUCKING Database!15
800+ lines of js, implementing business logic from an excel spreadsheet. All variables named as the excel cells, e.g "B32 = G11 * Min(A12, A13)" and so on, all grouped in a few giant functions.
PM told me to modify some of the logic, ended up rewriting the whole thing. At least the next person working on it won't have to deal with this mess...1
While studying business information technology (useless btw), we had to take these exams with Microsoft Office programs.
When it was time for Excel exam, we were given this sheet of instructions on what to do, and it even listed the exact functions you had to use.
The fun started when I realized that my Windows installation was in English, so my Excel installation was also in English. The instruction sheet and the functions listed in it were in my native language.
Because Excel is probably the shittiest thing ever made, this is the part where you know you are fucked. The functions listed in the instructions don't even exist in the English version (same goes vice versa btw), so what can you do?
You implement the fucking functions. Never used VB before that day, and never will again.
But I got a perfect score.2
LPT: Avoid building any complex report/tool with Excel, because you will forever be fixing the damn thing!1
It's faster to design a database, import data from Excel, and run queries than having to deal with these formula shit4
PHP + jQuery + Excel
I am facing the holy trinity or something.
Cool? eh? No no, not as cool as the holy trinit holding excalibur.
One of the info is Gender : Male, Female. And they state that we must export the excel with selected gender by drawing a circle over the choice.
Not Gender : Male
But Gender : (Male) , Female
Consider my bracket as circle.
They are not even in seperate cells. So now I am spending days to draw a fucking circle over a text in excel export using php. Still failing. FML.
* I control myself from asking for coding tips here but I will appreciate anyone who can help me out regarding the issue in this rant.13
Well done Microsoft
You’ve transformed a product MS Excel from something great into something unusable ..endlessly over designing it with needless fucking icons everywhere…
Just leave it THE FUCK ALONE from 20078
10 years ago I was learning how to program in college,
Now working in IT company I stare at Excel Sheets and scratch my head.
Boss at the start of a new project: "We could hire an intern to gatter some data in an excel list... You can easily implement that in the application later - right? So can you get us a excel list to fill out? "
No... Just no...
You tell me what you wanna see and how you wanna interact with the application!
In the process we will figure out which data is necessary, I will build some tables in the database for that data and then, !!! not a second sooner !!! , I'll be able to give you an suitable excel list, which includes a complete list of columns for the necessary data in a form I can work with it.
It's not my job to know what data a application needs to make YOUR JOB easier! I'm not a magician! I just love programming stuff!3
Excel is the best worsy fucking software. It has every feature you can think of except the one you actually need. Every time I use I end up yelling at my poor laptop. Even things that should be simple are made impossibly hard and unmanageable.6
Job offer listing: "IT Specialist"
"Personality prerequisites and skills"
- "Programming in MS Excel"
How do you even put programming and excel in one sentence??!!
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???4
working with non programmers - need to make a gigantic excel worksheet for everything that python could do in a dozen lines or two... 😑9
I'm going insane.
My colleague wanted to sort an excel spreadsheet and got an error. "Can't sort, column width must match" (or something along the lines) . Which basically means you got non uniformly merged cells.
Without telling me this, he asked for training on how to change column width precisely, after spending 30 minutes explaining he done just that. Column by column for all 40 columns he did just that. Resized to 10 of something (no one really knows what those width numbers in Microsoft Excel really mean) and try to sort.
I Shit you knot, he got the exact same error and flipped out angry at me for creating a shitty system (I think he spent an hour or two total with double and triple checking the sizes)
I did laugh because of this, but I do feel bad for not asking what was the real reason before all of this.1
Sending texts via Excel... Kelly Rowlands VBA knowledge must be good! (screen grab from kelly/nelly dilemma)1
Sometimes just knowing how to use the right tools is the difference between an hour of work and a whole day.
Some things are still better done in Excel...3
I don't want to use Visual Basic!
I'm a 17 year old boy and I have a couple of years of experience with coding. At school we had to choose between a couple of things to do 2 hours every week. One of them was about computers and programming. Sounds fun, right?
The teacher is letting us code in Visual Basic in MS Excel. I tried to explain him that I know how to code, but he still wants me to listen to him.
He doesn't even use any indentation! I can't look at it and I don't want to use VB it sucks just let me use js or anything else but not VB! Why won't you just accept I'm 10 times better than you! Just let me do my thing!
Now he thinks he can challenge me with a password strength checker. I want to use js, some regex to make it very short and efficient and a nicely styled web page. But now I'll be forced to use a horrible programming language (VB) I never used before!24
I suck as Excel so instead of using it as every normal person I prefer writing a tiny script in Python to do the job...2
When I asked the client if they have an existing API with xml or json, they said that they will send me Excel xlsx per email.3
I just quit my job at a big market research company. It was disturbing how much processes there depended on excel and obscure visual basic scripts.
They load data from a database, do typical database tasks with excel and upload it back into the database.
PhDs run complex statical computations through an excel interface that passes the request to R.
Instead of an hour Python they execute stupid tasks with excel by hand. Day after day, month after month.
WHY? My colleagues were not dumb but instead of learning SQL and some python they build insane excel tables.
Maybe it's time pressure. But this excel insanity costs much more time in the end.5
Editing an excel formula in notepad, copy it back to excel and excel says "you can only use 8192 characters in an excel formula" really?
Ohu Excel I hate you!4
*Filling out unit test plan for tester which is an Excel Document*
*Excel keeps trying to correct capitalization on a word that I want capitalized over and over*
LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! If I didn't want to capitalize that word I wouldn't have capitalized it! Just do what I tell you to do! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SOFTWARE! YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!4
Why Microsoft do not develop Excel with VBA for Android?
It will Super usefull Programming platform4
I'm so frustrated... My company is at least noticing that excel files sent per emails aren't a sufficient way to grow a business. So here we are, a bunch of web devs, writing scripts and web apps to make business processes easier and more efficient. But the problem is, that in the minds of the bosses, everything has to look "like excel". Every requirement is like "build a table here and there, make it filterable, sortable, searchable and show 50 cols of sales figures". Do you have some articles and resources which can help me to be a better communicator or something I can recommend them to read?2
Sorry I posted late for wk68.
When my colleague taught me how to use excel sorting. I tend to not know also so he can be use of help instead of slacking.
He's always saying, "Oh my gosh! I can't really imagine and feel awesome when teaching you devs how to sort things in excel."
One of my classmates made a simple program using the code editor in word or excel, it was a app that opens movie previews, he used separate BAT files to open links...
most productive workflow I ever seen.
excel 1 : stock
excel 2 : order
compare stock with order manually 1000+ product.
excel 3 : check history of order generator (shop)
excel 4 : today's price of product + tax
excel 5 : alot specific unit's of product
excel 6 : maintained bill credit/debit
next step : forword to managers for approval
excel 7 : edit's from nanager
process repeat till managers approval
excel 8 : dispatched history
excel 9 : return product (reason's/unit)
excel 10 : stock update return + new product's
and few more excel's
data of 5+ year's
daily 500+ order's
lPO listed company
i have not mentioned account and other stuff
“Does VBA for Excel count? Because if it does then VBA for Excel has reached the ”nuclear resistant cockroach” level in finance.
You wouldn't believe what sort of processes in very big banks/financial institutions are built using 10-year-old VBA macros. In fact, VBA consulting for finance is a very juicy cottage industry at least in Europe to this very day.”
Our company hired a "Human resource consulting" to help with our internal processes and policies. Yesterday they showed us an Excel that we should fill when we travel to attend meetings, events, courses, etc.
This spreadsheet... OH, THIS SPREADSHEET... you should've seen that.
Most of the "labels" of the "fields" were writen with terms that we do not use in our daily basis. The fields were ambiguous. You shout put a number on the Transportation quantity (ex.: 5) but have no space to describe which transport you will use (bus, metro, uber... so... 5 what?). When we asked which name shoud go on the field "superior" (director, pm, scrum master...) the woman from this consulting said "oh, I don't believe you're asking about this" (and since then, she became more rude by the end of the meeting).
We care for quality in our apps, and UI/UX is a big thing in our company. The last thing we want is need to read a f*#1n manual to fill a spreadsheet. Make it intuitive and you will not need an hour and a half to explain how to fill this obsolete form.
It's sad to think that this person was hired to improve our company, but did not bother to understand the company's culture (and values, and terms) first.
My new PM thinks programming is like using Excel to define times and send the price of the work hours to the clients... 😂1
One time I had to review some SAP / Excel / Visual Basic toolchain.
It was a huge mess with like 10 layers of if-then cases in around 1000 lines of code analyzing excel sheets, resolving error codes etc. in maybe two functions.
It turned out that I programmed that code about 8 years ago :/
How MS Office came about:
In the office suite I think the top guys stayed for Excel. These guys, are so good. They build Access. But it was always after 6pm on saturdays.
The "I know stuff, and I'll figure things along the way" guys stayed with Word. And in their part time, developed Powerpoit.
Excel guys were so great, they also developed the WordArt and later the SmartArt for Word and Powerpoint!
Thats why we still have that awefull blue and red-wine colours as default...2
4th day at new job: password sharing through emails or excel sheet that’s password protected! Well, there is something called LastPass, but no they don’t like 🤦🏻♂️1
Maybe you guys could help me...
My father just sent me a .xlsxm file (excel + macro file), it's all about horse races and stuff a 60+ years old dude would do :D
The file is pretty neat, but some minors changes needs to be done, but I have no clue where the code is. I found the "macro" part but it's empty, and I'm not surprised since the file itself seems to be generated from C# (Maybe not, I'm not the expert)
Sooo... Can anyone tell me how do I get to this code?8
I have spent 5 days in Microsoft Excel trying to do my budget planner. I struggled a lot and too much Googling. Google started to show reCaptcha whenever I search for something after that.
Yesterday, I spent 3 hours and got my fully functionality web based budget planner done.
I don't know if I did the right thing or not but am really happy and I have the full control.
problem is i love working on software, exploring new tools, and building powerful apps
but i can't waste my life working for the 1000th iteration of microsoft excel3
Dude at work floats the idea of creating separate Github accounts for personal and work for security. My response:
While we're discussing options, we should also consider maintaining a list of users as a CSV^H^H^H MS Excel file, and install an authentication server that runs off the laptop of an "IT Administrator". That way it'll be super secure because hackers cannot access any system outside of working hours, as well as the days that said admin is off from work.2
My hard drive died last night.
Sounds like an excuse to try Linux again as my main computer (stopped in the past due to needs for excel and "league of legends".
Anyone else here use excel frequently and have been happy with a Linux alternative ?12
Excel literally has internal support for treating other excel workbooks as SQL databases, encouraging end-users to do that instead of using MS Access properly, and *it doesn't even work*.6
Today I made two pleasant discovers:
* Spyder, an easy and efficient IDE for newby in Python;
* openpyxl, great library to export crunched data in excel for my colleagues.1
Argh!!!! I'm too dumb to compare two spreadsheets. I want to know which of the 2000 employees left or joined the company since last year. But the employee spreadsheet db export is not in the same order as the last years. Is there any bash shell magic or something else than excel that could help me?12
Word/Excel = piece of shit!! 😡 Pissing me off every fucking time I am trying to do something. I am wasting more time to set up the fucking alignments and fonts and etc, rather than actually do work.4
I have to do a thing with Excel files, and I want to keep busy, so I think I'll learn F# and use .NET in that8
So. I'm a hobby pythonist. I like it a lot, so when a problem occured at my workplace I offered to my boss that I could write something. I don't know what happened, but at the end we agreed that the best way would be to use excel and write the engine in VBA. So, I spend two and a half days to learn the basics and start to write some code to show him a demo version of my idea. At the end of the last day I gave it up. IT HURTS!!!!!! After python it'so dumb and the syntax is so painful... Finally in the last half day I wrote the whole piece of @&*^ in python. I hope it'll be good enough. I don't want to use VBA again. I'm a cnc operator/programmer and I don't have enough time to learn it. It's bad?3
You complain about 200ko bundlesize in 2023?
In Excel 1995, there was a whole FIRST PERSON SHOOTER as an easter egg.2
Teaching a colleague to use INDEX / MATCH in Excel
Me: Type in =MATCH() and select the reference cell, the column its in, and put 0 for the last value.
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now type in =INDEX() and select the column you want to match with, then put in the value you got from MATCH()
Them: OK... Done
Me: Now combine the two formulas
I was very confused today when I used openxml sdk to create an excel workbook and excel didn't bark at me the first time I opened it about repairing the file.
Oh you dumbass I can't "just save the data and we plan later" ! I have to plan firs IN ORDER TO SAVE THE FUCKING DATA SOMEWHERE!!! THIS IS NOT FUCKING EXCEL! EVEN EXCEL WAS FUCKING PLANNED !
Worst: having to deal with excel data import in C# in a server environment without drivers for working with excel files 🤐7
I swear I will KILL the next one who comes to me to pimp up his excel sheet WITH FUCKING VBA -.-
This shit is so annoying.... Just because I started my apprenticeship and need to learn everything like a 3 year old kid...
Get me outta here!
Selected a cell in Excel, did a ctrl+b
WHADDAYAKNOW it crashed.
Next crash I will uninstall this fucking steaming piece of shit.1
Ahhh i don't even want to remember... Dynamic text interpreter that will translate a PDF+excel to a dynamic data structure that will accommodate any changes... Where is my gun again?!
"It was a slow day at work and another intern suggested finding a way to send messages discretely between our computers on the local network.
To accomplish this I chose any true programmer’s favorite tools: excel sheets and VBA."
My employer has an application for product ordering/maintenance. Sounds pretty normal. It's an Excel spreadsheet that uses VBA to do the work, with a ton of SQL functions for row validation and procedures for database functions.
The guy that wrote it was a contractor who left the company well over 5 years ago.
No one on my team knows VBA. Me being the new guy gets tasked with this shitty VBA application's upkeep. Any time one of the braindead users fat fingers a value and the form blows up, I'm responsible for telling them exactly why they are stupid and sometimes I have to fix it for them because of the protections on the spreadsheet.
I've been asking the business to back a project for my team to develop a replacement but there is already so much happening for IT at my workplace, and my team is so under staffed (3 devs? Really?) That we spend most of our time fixing broken old shit.
We get an intern next month. Hopefully things improve soon because this tucking time bomb application sucks for everyone involved.3
You can't even share an Excel sheet properly but you want me to believe you're qualified to be the build manager...this should go real well
Hi I’m a Python Developer, tired of doing internal applications using Excel as a UI. I’m thinking of proposing to turn most of our projects into internal web apps instead. Has anyone gone through this sort of problem?
My team is quite pro at using Excel, so naturally they prefer to use the tools I build from Excel. Some of those tools are also used by external teams, but they are not as capable with Excel, so they need supervision and guidance.
There are multiple concerns that arise:
- I code on Mac, but they need to run it on Windows, so compatibility issues
- Some of their laptops might not have enough resources to run the tasks
- Errors are harder to trace and could be very user-specific.
- New developers might not be familiar with Excel and the way to integrate with Python
I would like to know your opinion or criticism10
"Microsoft Excel interprets a blank cell as zero, and not as empty or blank."
blank != blank
I opened up my CSV and changed values in one column... You fucking didn't need to take it in yourself to change all of my dates in another column to one you prefer, they were fucking fine!
i am becoming our companies excel advanced expert. actually i am just better at internet searching than the rest of us. creating fully automated sheets makes me wonder what all of the office stuff learned during their appreticeship and how they can avoid using office properly while entering everything manually.
*looking over an Excel sheet*
Me: now there are 2 rows that represent the same data, with the same description
Them: I'll just 0 out the one, and we'll ignore it.
Me: I'm never letting you near any of my databases.
Well here I go my first rant.
A little bit of background:
So I started working my first job a little over a month ago. found devrant about a week in. I was lucky that at a very young age I found programming and liked it (about 6 or 7). I went to college just to get a degree (bachelors of game development).
The job that was a "Great" opportunity that would be bad to let slip by (not a game dev job sadly). Well during the interview they asked me simple thing like what programming languages I know and some simple stuff like that, they never did ask me to demonstrate my knowledge though. Then they went to the weirder questions.
Do you know SQL? yeah at a very base level.
Do you know Excel? I mean I used is a bit, but not very much.
A few of the questions felt a little out of place for the field, But it was the only "programming job" that would hire an experienced junior developer, so I took it. Guess I should have asked more questions.
Now I'm here at a job to help replace someone who is retiring. He wasn't a programmer really, but he wrote some code out of necessity well his platform of choice was VBA in Excel. Oh, and that's not the best part, he also dealt with mistakes that happen in the lab (electronics shit). So when ever there is a fuck up I have to go figure out how to search a poorly designed database (that is constantly changing), and today is the day he leaves, so no more help after today. My biggest fear currently is that I wont be able to fill a request that someone makes and I'll be the reason the company is losing money. And with all the stress/burn out that's building up I haven't been working on personal projects, which being my main source of entertainment might be making me depressed. Even when I do work up the effort to work on my projects I don't get very much entertainment. (If anyone has a suggestion for this that would be helpful.)
TIL: Even if the job is a great opportunity don't stop searching and ask a lot of questions.2
Inconsistent, legacy access databases might just be a tad worse than excel sheets.
Not sure if to end myself or the author...1
There is a special place in hell for people who use 1904 date mode in Excel.
What the fucking fuck3
FREAKING STUPID **** EXCEL
Goddammit, spend hours and hours debugging a csv file generation... It always missed a zero.... Guess what: Excel deletes fucking shit leading zeros -_-3
Sometimes it feels like ms office is just made to piss off common people when the usage gets near the boundaries. Why does recalculating an excel file with 20 tabs take 20 minutes.. !? And why i cant i do anything with excel at all with any sheet for that 20 minutes. And why cant i cancel the recalculation for a fkin minute..? If i press escape the calculation stops, and immediately resumes 3 seconds later.. And for the love of god.. I would never understand why there is no global setting to turn off auto recalculation and when i find something similar it resets on restart.. WTF...5
I just spent 6 hours searching for the reason my code ONLY works when stepping through the breakpoints. Turns out I just had to add a single line of code to my procedure (chartObject.Activate) to make it work. I'd be lost without those 3 year old posts on some shady Excel VBA forums.
Thanks for documenting that, Microsoft!
I'm studying computer security and learning Linux on my free time, yet at my work I spend most my time in MS Excel and PowerPoint... what even is my life1
> Can you help me make this excel document more readable when it's printed? *looking to change the text size and column widths*
Who do you think I am, Mr fucking clippy? Why are you printing it anyway? Step into the millennium and email it to them you fucking nugget, save the planet.
This was after three people already approached my desk in a line, five minutes after I got in. All asking stupid questions, which not only do they have a service desk for but could quite easily Google.
My professor is currently promoting excel spreadsheets with add-ons as a front end for business intelligence.2
When your project manager promised to give you a script generator for the big database migration and came back with an Excel sheet where you have to copy-paste every table name and fields to get the table specific part of the script.
Damn copy-pasting programmation ...
I spent 3 hours without find the bug on my code. I just found, I installed the library but not the plugin
Django + Django excel + pyexcel_xls
Alternate job if I weren’t a dev:
Painter (but won’t excel as much)
Bartender (would still like to try my hand on it)
Class title: Excel as DB
It was about filters and sorting.
The closest thing to a db was that I found an INDEX function while I was bored...
unexperienced me just wanted to mess around with vba updating a docvariable in word, now i am fiddling around how to export several values to an external excel-sheet.
that escalated quickly
everybody nags about php inconsistencies, but have you tried excel vba scripting and adressing a1 vs r1c1 notation regarding ranges and names? pure horror.2
That moment when you open up a huge Excel and immediately see that column that is one pixel higher than the others. 🧐1
Teammate used some excel sheet concoction/gimmick to execute hundreds of thousands insert statements on production tables. A few days later (when I'm on call), I find out he didn't adjust the cell formatting on the aforementioned excel "tool", so all the network addresses from the insert statements were put in scientific notation, on prod...thus breaking a lot of the things. FML
Laravel Excel is shit and has shit documentation as well. PHPExcel may not be as pretty as a bunch of callbacks but it's more efficient and actually gets the job done.6
Fuck python Excel libraries. Had to write a spreadsheet formatting/filtering script to automate content generation. Definition of too much work. On the plus side just auto formatted 5000 spreadsheets in seconds.3
Today I learned that in our team, where we usually process data for runtime usage through batch scripts, which is the dumbest shit anyone can think of, someone decided to do data processing through VBA inside an excel file.
So that proves, regardless of how bad a solution is, an even more stupid solution is still possible.
At least it's not documented, so my hope is no one will see and copy it.
I'm getting closer to kick out the excel sheet to find points on the map. I can't believe that a company with hundreds of millions of profit has to use excel to find a stupid point on a map...1
Tutorial for a great Excel export function for your Webapp:
2. Use that Control and fill in every Request Data into it
3. Hide the entire Table except the Export Button
Today a colleague received a weird Excel message, it reads:
Unfortunately a problem has occurred. Restart Excel, in case the problem persists.
The action buttons are awesome!
Send frowns / Close :D
It'd be interesting to see what kind of frowns are being sent there... :D4
When you're running a project for a company and they won't allow you to use access or create an executable programme so you have to create an excel spreadsheet to automate analytics with data that is erroneous anyway.
Excel is a powerful and extremely versatile application, but one thing that really SUCKS about it, is that formulas are language-specific! So if using Outlook in - for example - Swedish you can't write "IF(<expression>,<then>,<else>)" but instead "OM(<expression>;<then>;<else>)". Note the semi-colon instead of comma (because in Swedish comma is used as decimal). AAARGGH! This pisses me off!2
"object doesnt support this property or method"
THANKS EXCEL VBA!
Who wants information about the line, the object name, type, or any other useful information? Yeah sure, i will track that object by placing Debug.Print till i find the line that causes this.
(its a bit my own fault, i found out how to solve the problem (or thought so) and wrote like the entire code without testing it inbetween)4
39 hours. Finished building an Excel tool to help me convert rows of data into Magento custom products in seconds instead of minutes. Then I used said tool on a huge load of data and worked my ass off to get it done by some deadline. I honestly forgot what for.
Haaa3 client has Excel 20102
Anyone knows a quick easy way to write a cli that ask me questions and puts those answers in an excel sheet automatically? Should I write it with c# or python and which libraries?5
Am I the only one thinking that maatwebsite/laravel-excel package is poorly documented?
Trying to make it work for excel file reading I have to do. 4 attempts (every attempt by 6h) - shit's not working like intended. Poor examples, code itself - just..not connecting dem dots, m9.
Just had to let it out from my system.3
Here I am, learning how to Excel to help my father in law with some problem he is facing at work. It feels so weird!1
I hate it when I receive an Excel file, that, once open, and without me realizing it, it has a bunch of hidden columns and rows. WTF, I can barely use Excel!, so I end up exporting to CSV and opening the whole thing.2
I had this teacher who was teaching us how to use java and .NET to parse XML data to an excel sheet. Let's say every week i was spending at least 2 hours finding bugs in the excel formatting and telling it to the teacher.
This happened for few weeks and when the project ended I could see how tired of he was.
To this day me and my colleague still rant about that
I started a new job in engineering at CenturyLink a few weeks ago - before this I was doing IT for dental offices in the greater Seattle area. Anyway, I wanted a registry tweak to make Excel open files in separate windows, instead of putting them in one. Today I was told by our IT that you need 16GB of RAM to open multiple Excel spreadsheets in separate windows. Suffice to say I told him he was insane and ended the chat.
And yes, I know there are ways to do it anyway, like opening new instances of Excel and then opening the file inside of Excel, but that's unnecessary clicks, dammit.
I'm writing a Python script to manipulate Excel files, I'm using the openpyxl module, does anybody know how can I check if a user input is in a column, I've done this:
newItem = input("What is the new item?")
for itemChecker in inventory["A"]:
>>>>if itemChecker == newItem:
>>>>>>>>item_on = True
>>>>if itemChecker != itemNuevo:
>>>>>>>>item_on = False
if the user input (newItem) is in the "A" column of the variable assigned to an Excel file called "inventory", the variable "item_on" is set equal to True, if the user input isn't in the "A" column, "item_on" is set equal to False
what am I doing wrong, I'm not getting any errors but it always says that the user input isn't at the "A" column (sets "item_on" equal to False) even when I know it is1
Who else uses Excel to analyze and make charts using normalized log data? (writes apps to parse and normalize them)
Or is there a better way to inspect server logs?6
That moment when your boss doesn't allow you to use SQL but complains about how slow are your macros on VB Excel
I am currently creating a module where I have to put data in xls sheet from a given data, which contains date column,.
I have generated the sheet and the respective date column also has the format of Date which is default of Microsoft Excel.
But the big question noew arises that I am not able to sort the data according to the date column, the sorting is not working correctly.
If anyone has ever worked on this please tell!!3
I've reached the point where I write my Google sheets functions in the same IDE as my other programming, because it handles errors better...2
So this super thwart demand us to use excel as a database, Use csv for data instead of json . So wtf?5
At school, learning how to sum, divide and round in excel, instead of coding. (I'm an it pro. converting to dev.) FML5
One of my collogues seems to now think Excel macros are a good thing and something that should be used on the reg.
I don't like this. Crappy in-house software is my department. And I won't use F***** Excel for it either2
Something like what the optgroup tag does in Excel.
Why is something this simple so hard to find how to make?
it feels a bit wierd to open a word file that processes an access-filtered excel file to optionally generate an outlook mail.5
Needed to write excel macros to make my job easier. Somehow I went from that to web programming, and I haven't stopped since.
When Client insists on making Excel what it is not... Implementing a management dashboard in Excel which source are at least 7 other workbook, that correlate...
Not even VBA is easing things here...
laravel-excel has an absolute piece of shit importer. So rigid I have to jump through loops, use hacks so static functions fill up non-static properties just to do half of what I probably could do much more easily with phpspreadsheet. And to top it off I have no way of getting direct feedback unless it's using the console. What a fucking joke5
+So... Here is our program that you can do many things such as... (3628463 features)
-Nice can you export data to excel
I was just asked to create one PBI for an entire project that will last months. Why bother. <insert sarcasm here> let’s just go back to using excel and waterfall.
excel just apply my formula to rows without empty data
yes i know there's over 100 thousand rows
FFS EXCEL WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO BUGGY TODAY? WHAT DID I DO TO PISS YOU OFF?
constant plugin crashes
for some fucking reason the graphs wont re-paint unless i move them around AS IN NOTHING SHOWS UP WHILE TYPING UNLESS I PRESS ENTER, MINIMIZE EXCEL AND OPEN IT AGAIN
Excel die you motherfucker die
1) Allow Ctrl + A and other shortcuts in formulas
2) Stop throwing an error requiring closing a window every fucking time I want to cancel writing a formula, and then another window after the first 1
Excel crashes after some minutes (sometimes seconds) of working perfectly if I have the WakaTime Excel Add-in... correlation doesn't mean causation, but wtf?
I want to report it but I don't have the time to look for logs and Excel shit.8
The boss says: "Spreadsheet structure must be the same of this other app".
There is no documentation of the other software so:
• try some different input parameters;
• compare the spreadsheets;
• find a possible (and temporary) solution.
I do not like Excel.
I have a bunch of numbers and I need to draw a chart. How to do it....hey, I have Excel! So, I'll just select the lines from text file....and copy/paste that to excel...Clickety-click through the import wizard and viola!
"I imported the numbers and set them to dates!"
No. Just numbers. But ok, I'll select to format to "general".
"Ok! You numbers are now 0.33343, 0.939393 etc.!"
No no, I just want the original numbers. Let's delete everything and import again. I'll pre-set the cells to "text" just to be sure...
"Ok! I imported your dates and set the cell format to shit!"
WTF you dumb fuck. Just paste the numbers like I wanted! They are *not* dates...Click-click-click....
"Dates added and the format is your local format that you never set and never wanted!"
<tearing hair from my head> God damn holy fuck.
And every time you go through the same import "wizard" tabs. More like import retard.
Friend asked me to help him with his excel file, as I know a bunch of that, it was just a small and quick thing he said, I just can't get this function to work...
Now I've rewritten all of that excel files functions and, without error handling and anomaly processing every function is an average of 500 chars. Times 500 unique functions...
QUICK AND EASY YOU SAID
Forced to write UT on excel shiit for confirming test cases are covering units properly, but the reviewer even don't want to read test code!! it makes incredibly unmaintainable documents
Being called into a simple change only to find out it is related to an excel file, with vba, thousands of lines of it, and database connections...1
Hi... I am here again. Long time without phone... am learning java but a cousin want a register, and I am doing on excel with vba. What you say?
Fuck this fucking shit! How on Earth should I read and modify this fuckin only 1MB excel with this shitty phpexcel why I can not improve the speed with these formulas?!2
I'm a starting programmer. So when my supervisor asks me to write a report and test against 50 coordinates written in little endian hex form in excel, I got lazy and wrote a code that gives me all the coordinates in decimal to be input into my excel program.
Anyone know an easier method tho?
My company relies on Excel waaaaay to much. Everything is done with Excel and VBA (it's not dev company) so I'm "forced" to develop complex system that requires database and serious coding. Worst part, they probably won't pay me anything :/