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Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.15
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Don't know if it's up here, found it on r/ProgrammerHumor and thought it deserved to be shared :)
28 -
Customer at a first meeting:
- "Didn't realize you're a developer, you're almost good looking!"
Never got a more bittersweet compliment.20 -
I accidentally created a bug that became an amazing feature at my last job.
It was for a program to read barcode tickets (we created software and web solutions for events), and to register the barcode sacnners to the computer I had to do some magic with USB-detection since it was not specified which brand the scanners would be (so no SDK would be available).
When the scanner was plugged in it would create its own thread so it wouldn't interfere with the UI of the program when it was reading/sending data.
Somehow I messed up with the thread termination for new scanners so it would accept to connect more than one scanner and it would work flawless since it was its own thread in the program.
When I tried to think out a solution for multiple scanners when planning it I got a headache and thought that's something for later. Turned out alright in the end apparently.
8 -
When you've been getting lots of comments on your pull request and have to keep asking for approval.
7 -
"It must work in IE6, we still use it in our offices."
While developing a JavaScript web app for a bank with 10 000+ employees. In 2014.8 -
Coolest project: I once worked for a customer who hosted an exhibition for a few thousand visitors in a big event arena in Stockholm.
They didn't want to use the existing ticket reading system on the arena so I had to build my own application compatible with barcode scanners (they said this about one week before the event).
It wasn't a complicated application to dev but with the tight deadline and no time to actually stress test it, it was the coolest thing to see hundreds of people streaming through the ticket station flawlessly.
Day 2 of the event I built a simple web application so I could see the flow rate of read tickets while I sat in the arena pub with a beer.
6 -
Had to wake four people up at 2 am to fix a crashing service.
10/10 would deploy to production on Friday night again.
24 -
Lmao I’ve never learned how to program. I’m just winging it and have been able to fool everyone the last 10 years.
Senior engineer checking in.
11 -
At introduction of new class teacher asked which _one_ of the following isn't a programming language:
- Swift
- Pseudocode
- Haskell
- HTML
Took my chance on HTML, but apperantly pseudocode is less of a programming language according to him.30 -
Was scrolling through LinkedIn and had forgotten i wasn't on devRant. Just thought:
- "Man, these rants really suck." -
”Are you planning on having kids in the near future?”
Literally (very) illegal to ask where I live. Too bad I was too young to understand the severity of him asking.
Worst place I’ve ever worked.8 -
After working as a developer for 4-5 years I finally took up school again.
The teacher at our first programming course insisted that we named all our variables in our locale language (swedish) and always started arrays at index 1.18 -
Best and worst customer I've had: A bank.
Great because they had so much money for projects.
Unbearable because everything needed to work in IE6.6 -
Biggest dev insecurity?
Probably http://
It’s not secure at all, never feeling very confident when browsing that protocol.5 -
So, I was out cruising in my sports car the other day. Porsche, two seater, about 400 hp.
When I stopped at a red light I was next to a man driving his family of four in his Volkswagen. I revved my car to show my power, but he seemed unfazed by my superior engine. When the light became green I floored it, he didn't have a chance of catching up, I just left him behind and laughed. He's so stupid for driving that slow car.
I can't understand why anyone would ever want to drive a Volkswagen when they are just so obviously slow?
👆This is how you sound like when you compare languages only based on how fast they are.10 -
OMFG it happened again. I'm always very explicit with recruiters that I don't take full time employment while I'm studying. This one was very understanding about it and said he found a great match for my skillset.
I just had a meeting with the CEO of this great match of a company.
- "No, we only seek people who can work full time, let's keep in touch when you've graduated".
What the fuck, way to waste everyones time.
10 -
Due to the coronavirus we are currently required to develop all our web services with SOAP and sanitise all our input for at least 20 seconds.2
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What the fuck, it says on both my LinkedIn profile and on my CV that I'm a student but I can take on part time projects, and I also told a recruiter the same thing over phone (after he found me on LinkedIn).
Today I had lunch with said recruiter. Guess who had no clue I was a student?
10 -
Few weeks ago I was having a few beers and messing around with a Minimax AI that could be used for different games as long as you fed it possible moves and win/loose-conditions. Could be used for like Tic Tac Toe on a 5x5 field, connect four etc.
I hadn't got it to work yet as I tried to implement alpha-beta pruning to optimize it. When I was playing against it I thought "Damn you're stupid, why would you even make that move" but still finished the game.
Before I knew it I had fucking lost. It outplayed me like 6 moves before I even knew what was happening.
And that's one of the top coolest feelings I've had as a developer, got destroyed by my own program.
3 -
It’s actually pretty neat. I constantly suffer from impostor syndrome, so I always have keep learning to keep up the facade.
5 -
Told the recruiter about 4 times before my lunch interview that I was a working student (I could only take part time jobs).
Just as we sat down and got our food he asked me where I currently worked, and I gently reminded him that I was still, in fact, a student.
He had this weir look on his face as I had tried to trick him into a free lunch, as all the positions he had was for full time jobs.
Still ate the lunch and had awkward small talk the entire time.6 -
A Geologist and a developer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the developer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Developer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Developer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the Developer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"
The Developer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.
Now, it's the developer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The developer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the developer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"
Without a word, the developer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.3 -
Adding a feature to 18 000 undocumented lines of code, written in PL/SQL. Oh, did I mention it was just a single function?
3 -
Apparently you make more money if you use spaces than if you use tabs
https://stackoverflow.blog/2017/06/...
9 -
Took me longer than I'd like to admit before I realized why my function always returned zero.
Too quick with the constructor it seemed.
6 -
Good to see instagram move to python3 without an exception. Literally that was smooth. Cheers to those who think Python is not scalable. 95 million photos on daily basis. 400 daily users.
https://thenewstack.io/instagram-ma...5 -
During mockup presentation where everything is perfectly vertically aligned:
Dev: "How should the surrounding content behave if the article is longer?"
Designer: "That won't happen."3 -
Some back info that you need to know for this rant:
1) I am a Canadain, so I spell 'color' like: colour.
2) Americans spell 'colour' like color.
Today I was debugging a Python file that I and my team of Americans and Canadians were working on. I ran the code and got an error that one of our variables was named incorrectly. I searched the code up and down for 3+ hours looking for the issue. After taking my lunch break I came back and read the file again. Then I realized it: I had started working on one part spelling color like colour, and then an American finished the project, spelling colour like color, so there were two different variables. This really pissed me off because we could have fixed it by deciding on a language before we started the project. I fixed it quickly and now we have a new rule at the office: always use American English when naming variables.
Moral of the story: decide which language to use for variables when working on a multi-national team.10 -
CAPTCHA meaning: "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart".
Proof the the CS community is bad at creating acronyms.4 -
Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.1
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Once worked for a guy who lectured me in front of the whole office because I didn't continued work at home after I stayed 3h unpaid overtime at the office.
I quit soon after that.3 -
Favourite code editor?
Hands down, it’s actually Vim.
It’s mostly because I haven’t been able to exit it though. Actually it’s the only reason. I’m stuck. Someone please send help.12 -
Worked as a web developer on a really small agency and we always said to customers that were not designers so they need to provide us with a mockup if they want it fancy.
One customer wanted us to design a campaign site for an event and we asked for a design mockup.
"Sure, I'll send it right over!"
About 2 hours later a bike messenger knocked on our door and gave us a coaster from the merchandise. -
Apparently the firewall at work has blocked access our git repo since there are too many consecutive requests to it.3
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I've set up my server to only accept logins with SSH-keys, and permanently banning all IP:s that attempt login with passwords.
Now I can't stop watching the banned IP:s stacking up, it's like drugs to me.6 -
I'm currently reading a course in Project Management and I have yet to find an image in the course literature with a person that doesn't suffers from a headache.
1 -
I once added a semicolon at the end of a line when coding in Python.
I’ve brought shame on my family.4 -
Quitting my last job. I had been there for about 3 years and had a great time there.
It was only my boss and I, we were developing software and websites for events so we were quite often out meeting and partying with people, it kinda became a part of the job. We had a fridge always stacked with beer and champagne which was for us and our friends to use. The office was located in the middle of the most exclusive business and club district in the city, so I could use the office as I wanted during evenings to meet up with friends and drinking beer.
But it was expected to work a lot of overtime. I was single and young and really liked what I was doing so I didn't mind. But then I met the love of my life and started to spend more time with her. I couldn't stay and work as often and would rather be with her on weekends.
It became quite hard to live up to my boss's expectations and it always felt like I disappointed him if I didn't (or couldn't) stay for an after work, and when I did, it felt like I disappointed my new girlfriend instead.
Ultimately I felt I had to choose one of them, or I would definitely loose her. It was a no-brainer since I knew I couldn't keep working like that forever, and didn't want to risque a relationship because of work.
It took all of my courage to do it and I felt so bad because I knew my boss (and my friend) would feel like I betrayed him, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I can still miss it sometimes, but I don't regret it.3 -
WORST interaction with management?
Wouldn’t it be more rare to find a GOOD interaction, am I right fellas?
3 -
Running a fucking conda environment on windows (an update environment from the previous one that I normally use) gets to be a fucking pain in the fucking ass for no fucking reason.
First: Generate a new conda environment, for FUCKING SHITS AND GIGGLES, DO NOT SPECIFY THE PYTHON VERSION, just to see compatibility, this was an experiment, expected to fail.
Install tensorflow on said environment: It does not fucking work, not detecting cuda, the only requirement? To have the cuda dependencies installed, modified, and inside of the system path, check done, it works on 4 other fucking environments, so why not this one.
Still doesn't work, google around and found some thread on github (the errors) that has a way to fix it, do it that way, fucking magic, shit is fixed.
Very well, tensorflow is installed and detecting cuda, no biggie. HAD TO SWITCH TO PYHTHON 3,8 BECAUSE 3.9 WAS GIVING ISSUES FOR SOME UNKNOWN FUCKING REASON
Ok no problem, done.
Install jupyter lab, for which the first in all other 4 environments it works. Guess what a fuckload of errors upon executing the import of tensorflow. They go on a loop that does not fucking end.
The error: imPoRT eRrOr thE Dll waS noT loAdeD
Ok, fucking which one? who fucking knows.
I FUCKING HATE that the main language for this fucking bullshit is python. I guess the benefits of the repl, I do, but the python repl is fucking HORSESHIT compared to the one you get on: Lisp, Ruby and fucking even NODE in which error messages are still more fucking intelligent than those of fucking bullshit ass Python.
Personally? I am betting on Julia devising a smarter environment, it is a better language already, on a second note: If you are worried about A.I taking your job, don't, it requires a team of fucktards working around common basic system administration tasks to get this bullshit running in the first place.
My dream? Julia or Scala (fuck you) for a primary language in machine learning and AI, in which entire environments, with aaaaaaaaaall of the required dlls and dependencies can be downloaded and installed upon can just fucking run. A single directory structure in which shit just fucking works (reason why I like live environments like Smalltalk, but fuck you on that too) and just run your projects from there, without setting a bunch of bullshit from environment variables, cuda dlls installation phases and what not. Something that JUST FUCKING WORKS.
I.....fucking.....HATE the level of system administration required to run fucking anything nowadays, the reason why we had to create shit like devops jobs, for the sad fuckers that have to figure out environment configurations on a box just to run software.
Fuck me man development turned to shit, this is why go mod, node npm, php composer strict folder structure pipelines were created. Bitch all you want about npm, but if I can create a node_modules setting with all of the required dlls to run a project, even if this bitch weights 2.5GB for a project structure you bet your fucking ass that I would.
"YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING" YES I FUCKING DO and I will get this bullshit fixed, I will get it running just like I did the other 4 environments that I fucking use, for different versions of cuda and python and the dependency circle jerk BULLSHIT that I have to manage. But this "follow the guide and it will work, except when it does not and you are looking into obscure github errors" bullshit just takes away from valuable project time when you have a small dedicated group of developers and no sys admin or devops mastermind to resort to.
I have successfully deployed:
Java
Golang
Clojure
Python
Node
PHP
VB/C# .NET
C++
Rails
Django
Projects, and every single fucking time (save for .net, that shit just fucking works on a dedicated windows IIS server) the shit will not work with x..nT reasons. It fucking obliterates me how fucking annoying this bullshit is. And the reason why the ENTIRE FUCKING FIELD of computer science and software engineering is so fucking flawed.
But we can't all just run to simple windows bs in which we have documentation for everything. We have to spend countless hours on fucking Linux figuring shit out (fuck you also, I have been using Linux since I was 18, I am 30 now) for which graphical drivers for machine learning, cuda and whatTheFuckNot require all sorts of sys admin gymnasts to be used.
Y'all fucked up a long time ago. Smalltalk provided an all in one, easily rollable back to previous images, easily administered interfaces for this fileFuckery bullshit, and even though the JVM and the .NET environments did their best to hold shit down, and even though we had npm packages pulling the universe inside, or gomod compiling shit into one place NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO we had to do whatever the fuck we wanted to feel l337 and wanted.
Fuck all of you, fuck this field, fuck setting boxes for ML/AI and fuck every single OS in existence2 -
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated." -
About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.
But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.8 -
Reviewing code in a project, found this one:
# Todo: Fix horrible parent member check. People may have been killed for better code
-- horrible code here -- -
I just had my first "Group project"-experience and holy fucking shit am I about to explode right now.
I messaged you one fucking week before the project is due and ask for your input that none of you contributed to and if that was too advanced for you imbeciles to handle then HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THREE MORE FUCKING YEARS IN CS. THEN YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO RESPOND SIX FUCKING HOURS AFTER THE PROJECT IS DUE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WORK.
WELL GUESS WHAT YOU FUCKING WASTE OF MOLECULES, I ALREADY TURNED IT IN AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE IS PUTTING YOUR FUCKING NAMES ON THE PROJECT.
I DRAGGED YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE FINISH LINE AND THEN YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG"?
NEXT TIME AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO SPIT BEFORE YOU FUCK SOMEONE OVER4 -
I have started my first job as a web developer since February 1st. During the one month training period which is in progress, one of the training sessions was on Git and believe me Git is the most fascinating thing came to know me since I have joined computer science field. In love with it.2
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Got an assignment in school to make an easy project in c for embedded real time processors with a free complexity level (it was really early in the course and many had never been programming before).
Since I've been working a few years in development I decided to create an own transmitter and receiver for an own protocol between processors (we had just spent a week to understand how to use existing protocols, but I made my own).
The protocol used only 1 line to communicate with half-duplex and we're self adjusting the syncing frequency during the transmission. I managed to transmit data up to 1 kbps after tweaking it a bit (the only holdback was the processors clock frequency).
Then I got the feedback from our teacher, which basically said:
"Your protocol looks like any other protocol out there. Have you considered using an UART?"
Like yeah, I see the car you built there looks like any other car out there, have you considered using a Volvo instead?1 -
The new iPhone is gonna have an odd number of pixels in width. I can already feel the anxiety of trying to achieve pixel perfection.7
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What kind of sick joke is it that the url for camelCase on wikipedia is www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel_case2
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My last boss insisted on using tables instead of divs and then asked me to make it responsive (every damn time). Also, functions that were over 10k of lines.4
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Life is a constant battle of not knowing whether I want to quit programming forever, or if I just need 8 hours sleep.1
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Lmao probably the time I worked 150 hours over two weeks (had to sleep on the job) for a project. During delivery I worked 09-22 during the weekend (unpaid) while my boss was out on his boat.4
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What do you guys think about Visual Studio Code?
I personally like it, just wondering your opinions.11 -
I became good enough to be hired as a developer by reinventing lots of wheels and making mistakes. A lot of mistakes.2
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Going to release the biggest feature I have implemented for Product I work on. Change in more than 150 files and it is very very critical.
Wish me luck..3 -
I don't know how many hours in a row it was, but one month I put down about 340 hours of work.
My boss had taken upon this massive project with a deadline at the end of the month. I basically lived at the office (I actually spent the night there more than once), meanwhile he was out sailing.1 -
I was trying to watch an instructional YouTube Python video (on my Android phone) while it was dark in my bedroom, and then I remembered that Youtube for Android doesn't have a damn dark mode... NOOOOOOOO!!! :( :(
Why did you do this to us Google!5 -
Do we actually know how many people there are on devRant?
Just wondering to see which percent of the community liked the top posts.9 -
Booting up my Windows computer at work after 1 year leave. I'm gonna do a Windows Update.
I suspect I'm not going to get anything else done today.6 -
I was making coffee this morning when one of my managers walked up and asked me if I could make a cup for him too.
I was like sure, anything to make you happy. (Maybe you'll lessen the amount of work I have to do today 😀)
I finished making both the cups of coffee and the brought his over to his desk. He drank some and then almost spit it out. He complained about how the coffee was not dark roast it was medium roast, and he could tell the difference and I should have known that.
I was like "well if you're going to complain about how I make your coffee go make your fucking own". (I didn't say that out loud though, I probably would have been fired!)8 -
Google Assistant in iPhone? Seriously? In the opposite way Siri should be introduced to android phones else I would be unable to understand this business decision!6
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Fuck UPS and their API Documentation. Has anyone here ever integrated their API ?
Their API documentation doesn't mention any sandbox or testing accounts.
If I click on their create access key button, it takes me to a form which requires a real payment method and address which seems like it's meant for real stuff not testing.4 -
Today I made two pleasant discovers:
* Spyder, an easy and efficient IDE for newby in Python;
* openpyxl, great library to export crunched data in excel for my colleagues.1 -
My upwork account is banned for sending too many proposals without getting too many jobs.
Got 2 jobs out of 35-40 proposals sent.4 -
I received devRant stickers a couple of months ago, but I forgot to post a picture. Would you guys believe me or I have to prove.4
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Just spent a lot of development hours today! Quite more than routine! Not even tired because had great sync with the partner dev! Cheers!
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New piece of code which should work perfectly and solve your problem but it is not working just because you forgot to remove an old piece of code you were trying to fix the same problem! Fuck my life!1
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We have a school project where we're supposed to develop a project for a company. In order to finish the project before our presentation I put in over 40h per week (on top of other classes). The only thing missing is the design, only placeholder buttons at the moment. Ask the designer 2 weeks in advance if he'll be able to provide me with the design: "Sure, I'll do it soon".
And now the presentation is in one day and the app looks like shit because we don't have any design for it. -
Trying to contribute to a translation project on Crowdin, then remembering that my 14 day trial is expired.
Why does Crowdin, a platform trying to help people get translations for their projects make you pay? Couldn't they have more of like a GitHub payment model (free for basic features, pay to get more)?1 -
I've been stuck with bootstrap in the last projects at work but I wish to break free. Been looking a bit on material design. What other UI frameworks do you guys use?7
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