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Current mood:
- Referred to manager as "Mein fuhrer" to a colleague in slack.
- Reading an email from a recruiter.13 -
My manager started a company and I was his first employee, he literally started it because he wanted to make use of my talent.
So one day I finished my project on Friday and took in advance Monday and Tuesday off. Went back Wednesday to find my manager angry like "you didn't finish your project, you costed us money with our client company (a big ass famous one) I am putting you on probation and you could probably get fired if you don't get yourself together" and he said that my colleague had to do my whole work that I supposedly didn't do.
So I went to the code and checked. And I found that what my colleague did was re write my code in a different structure and pretended like he did everything and did do anything.
Got passed off so I wrote an email to my manager with the commits and links to them and their builds and made sure it's well explained, and titled the email "resignation letter" with me expressing at the end how angry I am and informing about my resignation.
Later on he replied saying it was a misunderstanding and there was lack of communication and he could give me I raise.
I insisted.
One week later I got hired by the client company and suddenly I was sitting on the other side of the meeting table. And it felt so damn good.4 -
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"3
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A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"4
-
Chinese app programmer fights product manager for asking the app UI to "change color according to user phone case"
13 -
Manager on the meeting room suddenly talking to me:
Coffe2Code, share your screen please to show us the progress.
Me: *minifies all windows fastly and plugs the laptop to the big screen *
Manager : we start with documentation, open the world file that you sent to me.
Me: *opens word*
Word: *freezing on my CV that I was editing for another job application*
Me: ...
Manager: ...
Word: oh everyone seen the CV? cool here your document11 -
My manager suggested that we include a "stupid user mode" in our application.
Everyone seems to be happy with that :)6 -
Manager: "How long do you think this will take?"
My brain:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Me: "Shouldn't take too long"4 -
Two types of people in this world.
Those who press Ctrl+Shift+Esc.
Those who press Ctrl+Alt+Del and click on Task Manager.19 -
I've got new job offer with different company. New technologies and better culture, 30% pay raise. And my current manager counter offer is "You will hate it there and you will leave in 3 months".4
-
Me: we only got 40 minutes notice that we had to stay in late for a meeting with the USA team. Can we politely ask them to give us like a days notice in future? I can’t just stay late at any time, neither can the guys with kids to collect.
Manager: oh ok. I’m very sorry this has affected you. Here, let me explain why this is going to keep happening and you’ll need to deal with it.15 -
Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....
- awkward silence -10 -
*deep breath*
Remain calm, don’t freak out, remain calm, don’t freak out.
*deep breath*
Ok, so my sort of new manager (had a slightly different manger-ish role on the team), has for the third time in as many months, just sent an email criticizing the dev team for our working from home-ness (which for the record has not been that bad, 2/3 or 3/3 have been in everyday for the past month)
In this same period, there has been late nights, weekends, successful releases, I’ve been invited to talk at a conference about my work (not a particularly big one, but still). Point is, everything is going well, very well in fact.
There has been no emails discussing our great work, thanking us for extra work, thanking us for picking up slack from other teams who are down a few people etc. no our major concern it seems is the “optics” of our team not being present in the open space.
Our contracts list flexible working hours, and his boss has frequently told us WFH is fine when things are too busy. But no he is complaining for us to get our hours in the office in line and make sure we are in the office more.
It’s been a particularly long and frustrating week, and I’m very tempted to inform him that if he is concerned about my chair and desk looking empty, that I can put them somewhere for him where they will always be occupied until a surgeon can remove them.
However, thanks to the deep breaths, I’ve managed to restrain myself long enough to run this past you all first and ask advice.
Please help,
Sincerely,
My sanity15 -
In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.
Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.
So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.
Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...
A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.
We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.
Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha13 -
Real Story:
Manager: You have to add an extra section in the app to show more details.
Me: We are already showing so many unnecessary details. These changes are not required.
Manager: No !! You have to do it.
Me : Ok !!! So why can't we show it in the section where we are showing the other details. Why make a separate section for it.
Manager : No !! It won't be clearly visible to the user. Just do it.
So I added another section to show useless information that we are already showing it f**king everywhere else in the app.
So I released a new apk next day with the added features.
In meeting, our CTO goes through the app and ask manager....
" Why we have added an extra section for showing same details that we are showing everywhere else ???
Who approved this ?? This is nonsense !!! "
Here comes the fun part.
Manager : I don't know. I didn't ask for it. These changes were not there earlier.
And ask me.
"Who told you to make these changes ? "
I am like... F***k man you a***ole told me to do it even when i told you it will be nonsense.12 -
The download manager is coming together nicely!
The idea is simple, all the downloads are multithreaded. It saves the chunks and then merges it together at the end. So far it uses 30-40mb for the whole thing!
Next stop, add queue management and then browser integration. The source code is here: https://github.com/tahnik/qDownload.
Don't blame me if you vomit once you see the code. I am still working on it and it will be clean soon. I would love to get some suggestion for the name of the project. It is "qDownload" currently and I fucking hate it.
@Dacexi is joining tomorrow to help with the UI. It's gonna be amazing 🤘
24 -
Today I told a fellow dev to join devRant, and explained it was "like Reddit, but only for developers"
Wild manager caught us and said "Uh, just what everybody wants, some geek forum. Thank god I left that world a long time ago"
Fucker...6 -
Remote manager: Hey, that contractor you are working with that sits with me. We are thinking of sending him over to you guys, get him a visa, pay relocation and all that stuff and have him sit with you guys as a full time employee. What do you think?
Me: .... eh ... look I have to be honest, that guy is awful. He doesn't listen to me, constantly working on other things, and the architecture he forced onto the rest of the team is some of the worst i've ever seen.
RM: hhhmmmm, ok but what if we have him report to you, can you whip him into shape?
Me: Honestly I think theres too much effort involved. We are very short staffed. I'd prefer to hire someone else here who has more experience. Its a firm no from us on this guy.
RM: Ok, understood, thanks.
*2 weeks later*
Contractor: Hey guys, was chatting to my manager last week and he said the company is finally looking to convert me to a full time employee, and best of all he wants to move me over to sit with you guys. Isn't that great?
..... not really no7 -
Manager : Developers are always over optimistic.
Dev : this task will take 4 days.
Manager : can't you complete it in 45 minutes? What are the complexities involved?
Dev : okay. I can. Thinks ** I'm a ninja developer** and I can complete this.
*** finishes it in 4 days***
Manager : That's what I said. Developers are always over optimistic.
Developer : -_-3 -
Our manager is not a developer and he has no idea of what we are doing most of the time, but he thinks that stand-up meetings are the coolest way to control us.
Sometimes coworkers joke about his lack of knowledge and today I think we reached the highest jerk level: «Yesterday I opened a new branch on the git repository and today I'll continue on this task».
I struggled to stay serious on my turn.12 -
Our project manager who also happens to be our web designer... (Start Up)
Project Manager: We have a go signal. Go convert this design to html and css. And make it responsive.
Me: Can you forward me the mail so I can check if it's actually approved?
Project Manager: Just do it.
Me: (After tweaking) There. It's done.
Project Manager: They want to change all the layout of the site. We're gonna do it from scratch. They didn't like the design.
Me: What? I thought your design was approved?
Project Manager: I thought so too. But i'm your PM so get back to work.
There was no mail from the client.7 -
Internet Download Manager costs about $24. It's not cross platform either. uGet UI looks old as fuck and shows positive in virustotal.
So I decided to do what most other devs would do in my situtation. I created my own download manager in QT 💪. It uses 16 different threads to download files and pretty much utilises all my bandwidth.24 -
Me: doing light browsing.
CPU Fan: increases frequency like crazy.
Me: opens task manager.
Windows 10: 60% cpu usage.
Me: sort processes by cpu usage; sum does not match.
Me: closes iTunes update window.
CPU usage: drops to less than 10%.
The update had already finished and the CPU usage was 60%!!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, APPLE?3 -
Manager: I don’t care if it has bugs, if we don’t ship it this Friday I’ll have to redraw my Gantt chart AND I’M RUNNING LOW ON CRAYONS!!!9
-
I look at this nowadays so often during office just that I don't quit this fucking job all because of work load and dumbass and asshole manager
4 -
Visual Studio wasn't responding and I wanted to close it via task manager ... But as I clicked the button "close task" task manager wasn't responding😭
5 -
Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.
Husband - Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ?
Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband - Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris(Search in Google, It is the most delicious chat) and defeated me.
Wife - What's so difficult in it?
Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife - I can easily beat you.
Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife - Let us have that competition right now.
Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife - Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up.
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, *"You lose."*
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.
Moral of the Story...
*Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!* 😃😜😀😄😆😅😂😝😎5 -
That time I had to explain the manager (who decided and committed the deadlines) what a URL was and why we need to use a server for staging the web site.
-
Real life job interview…
Manager: what about this problem? Could you solve it? (Showing me a problem about scanning a 2d array to find a value written on a piece of paper)
Me: sure! Just give me a piece of paper and I will write a solution.
Manager: no need for that. I don’t have the knowledge to check that anyway… if I wanted you to solve it I would have called one of my programmers.
…
Manager: do you have any question about the company?
Me: What do you exactly do in the company? I wonder what is the purpose of a person that makes questions about things he doesn’t know.3 -
how to be a man in upper management:
-come into meetings without any context and talk over everyone
-say very obvious and broad things to seem like you're mentoring the team
-waste time14 -
My manager just left the company to become a independent game developer. His game is also available in steam as early access.
He just became extra cool to me.
And he is using unreal engine for it.
That made him extra cooler to me 😁3 -
My previous manager always complained about the programmer that used to be there before me was utterly incompetent and unable to work.
One day checking a legacy app that needed a minor update I was looking at the code and said: “It is true the previous programmer didn’t even know how to put together 2 lines of code, this is literally the shittiest thing I have ever seen, thank God he is not around anymore!”
…
Manager: “Actually I wrote this myself”
…
…5 -
colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays
yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^9 -
Past 3 years I've been working 1pm-9pm instead of usual 8am-4pm at our company, no issues, I'm the only developer on the projects I work on, tasks delivered always on time, meetings with PM always afternoon, etc.
Few months ago company hierarchy changed and the new operative manager started to harass me about this with made up reasons (not working 8 hour or not working at all) and he doesn't care about the fact that my projects might be the only ones at the company that never missed a deadline. He even turned some of my colleagues against me.
So now I'm thinking about to quit this job and go freelance or find a remote job. Am I doing it right?7 -
When the clients wants to talk to your manager and your manager tells him exactly the same thing you did.
-
I fucking hate people who tell me what i should do when they obviously dont know a fucking inch of anything related to the dev world fucking idiots ruining my day with fucking retarded orders.
I AM THE DEV UR THE FUCKING MANAGER STAY AT UR FUCKING PLACE3 -
It today's team meeting my manager asked, "What is GitHub?"
Seven years leading the group. Hired with no dev knowledge. Can't be bothered to acquire any.14 -
developer: hey, want to hear a joke?
manager: sure
dev: what did the developer say to their manager after doing flaming shots in the server room and accidentally setting fire to all their systems?
manager: i don't know, what did they say?
dev: "hey, want to hear a joke?"3 -
My manager is so cool at work that he doesn't care if I sleep during office hours or even skip working for a couple of days as long as I meet the deadlines. All he cares about is getting the work done and keeping his team happy.
I abso-frigging-lutely respect him very much and like him as a person.
Unlike my friends' managers in other departments, he wouldn't assign me more work if I finished a project before the deadline.
I wish all the managers in all the companies realise work-life balance is important and act like him.10 -
Discussing some files with manager and he sees a *. yml file and says:
"Isn't this supposed to be *. uml"3 -
Manager: "Can we get an accurate report on how many containers we have on the Kubernetes cluster?"
Me: "Well not really since Kubernetes is designed to be dynamic and agile with the number of resources and containers being created and deleted being subject to change at a moment's notice."
Manager: "I want numbers"
Me: "Okay well if we look at a simple moving average over time, we can see how the number of containers changes and then grab a rough answer from that"
Manager: "These numbers look a little round, are you sure these are exact?"
I'm going to throw myself into a pile of used heroin needles and hope i get stuck with whatever the hell this guy has to somehow be a manager while also being this retarded.15 -
Product manager: ah ok I understand. So is the plan still to do xyz?
Me: .... STILL?? ... when was that ever the plan? .... ok when you said “I understand” what did you mean?3 -
The saga of requirements changed after the feature is done continues:
Manager: “I have reopened your ticket cause it doesn’t fit the requirements”
*checks for requirements changes*
“Updated 2 mins ago”
You fucking piece of10 -
When you are into Dota2 trying to forget everything after stressful day and your manager messages you if you have spare 10 minutes to discuss next weeks' upcoming tasks.
Hell NO!! Let me play and chill.
5 -
Director: What’s the next step on <thing>?
Manager: There is no next step because *manager explains*.
Director: How can not there be a next step?
Manager: *explains the same thing again, reading from a mail chain Director is also a part of*
Director: Okay, so net-net there is no next step.
Beautiful conclusion mf.1 -
*during project development, we use a library as core of tye app*
Manager: We need to add feature X.
Me: The library developer announced that this feature is not supported.
Manager: why is that?
Me: *giving some tech explanation*
Manager: ok, but still we need it urgently, we told the client we already have it.
Just a simple day on my work9 -
Manager: "If you need me, just @ me"
Me: "Can you look at this right now?"
Manager: "Sorry I'm at a tennis match, I'll be 30mins"
3 hours later
Manager: "Do you still need me?"
...
Me: "A device died. Playbook says we have to flash it and lose all data on it, but we could go to the vendor for a solution if their fast enough. I just need you to make the call to deviate"
Manager: "Uggghhh" (goes offline for 2 hours)
Wtf man?!11 -
(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)
Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer
Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour
Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?
Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet
Me: ok but how did you do it so far?
Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.
Me: ....10 -
Yesterday, my manager said "you don't have to worry, I'll take care of it"
Today, my manager says "finish it today by any means possible, otherwise I'm gonna get screwed by my boss"
Oh well...2 -
If you work 8 hours a day sincerely, you will become a manager and work 12 hours a day
Made my day...hahahahah -
Just got a lection from my manager.
Today he sent me an email with request to change validation on one field validation from decimal(5,3) to int which will be 5 digit number. Ok i did that, I changed it on UI, changed validation, changed mappings, changed dtos, created migration files, and changed it in databse. After i did all of that I replied to his email and said that ive changed validation and adjusted it in database.
After my email here comes rage mail from manager with every fuckin important person in cc I kid you not. Manager is asking why the fuck did I change database when Ive could only use different validaton for that field on UI.
I Almost flipped fuckin table. What does validation good do if you wouldnt be able ti save that form? And form has like 150 fields. And if I left validation only everthing would fuckin break.
Sometimes i think that its better not to think.
FML
7 -
So my office manager decided to ban kitchen utensils in the office. Part of the reason was that there was too much stealing. Apparently too many mugs, knives, plates & spoons have gone missing for it to be just through loss.
I tried to reason with this office manager. I asked if we really want to create a culture of mistrust where we ban basic utilities like we’re children.
I appealed to the business logic do we really want freelancers going out to grab a coffee 10 minutes a day over a period of a year.
I tried to appeal to the digital nature of the office can we “source the solution from the office”
The other office have to bring in their own utensils but the other office has a canteen.
Essentially I feel like this was a power issue a decision was made I’m not allowed to question it.
Apparently my “behaviour” has been flagged with the CTO. 🤣🤨
I have to stir my tea with a knife unless I put stuff in my desk.
As a solution I decided to reach out to several green companies that provide disposable cutlery and kitchen where they agreed to send a sample which I put in the kitchen. I have a feeling this will be taken as hostile move in of what is: a solution.
Seriously W T actual F.6 -
**Me, while working on sql based project**
Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.
**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**
Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.
Manager: I can see my password
Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***
Manager: you are no different than others.
Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**1 -
Manager: Hey, what you working on?
Me: cough-finding another team-cough.
Manager: I didn't catch that.
Me: Sorry my throat is acting up today, i've been bug fixing all day.
Manager: Ah great, thanks.1 -
Proud Windows fanboy - If something is "Not responding", try "Task manager". Then everything is cool
But you see, it's actually "Task manager" that is "Not responding"3 -
Got it in WhatsApp...😃😂😂
I am sure you will have a laugh too
A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Lesson: Never trust managers... They will take u to any extreme to finish their job.
And there is nothing like KIND MANAGERS 😜
Dedicated to all managers and upcoming managers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂LOL😜😡😡6 -
Yesterday I had an interesting interaction
- I complain about not having tickets for something, as it makes it unclear who needs to do what
- manager tries to call out on me for “not giving precise infos”
- A frustrating argument starts, ends up with manager defending himself telling we need a meeting with [other team] to sync on infos that are not clear
- meeting starts, manager starts to make a buffoon about himself
- other dev out of nowhere tells that the manager is not giving the task to him for some reason
- other manager is speechless at our manager’s incompetence
Managers.😎1 -
Adding a feature to webapp...
Webapp relies on database in production server...
*adds feature to production webapp directly*
Every page: ERROR 500
Manager: what did you do???!!!! You MESSED UP the production, FIX IT NOW
*Use ctrl-z because manager doesn't like Version Control*5 -
Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.
Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.
...... One week later....
Manager: Why is the team not open to me?1 -
So... Manager pulls us in. Meeting in 10 minutes guys. I know it's unplanned, but it's important.
Not only is it the 10th time he's interrupted my workflow, but it's almost time to go home. And I was getting some important shit done.
Anyways, come the meeting: we are going to abandon all the work we've done on our microservice platform (2yrs+ in the making) and make it a monolith. Oh, and we have to do it in 4 weeks, because a client is asking for it. Oh, and you'll probably have to do overtime.
🤦♂️ FML5 -
Anyone else experienced that the not responding apps come back to life when you're about to open Task Manager or you've opened it already? I suspect they get scared of their god.1
-
So as some of you know, I gave notice. my current company has me for 4 more days.
Why has my manager not given me someone to knowledge transfer to? Do they think I am bluffing? He even admits there is shit only I know!
Whenever I message him about it, he just ignores me. I guess if he wants me to do it later, I can in the weekends for $50 an hour? 🤔🤔8 -
Sometimes I wish I had a manager to rant about.
Not having a manager means the whole fault is mine :(6 -
A project manager is someone who believes that if he/she joins 9 pregnant women they'll have a child in 1 month1
-
My project manager said. “Hey MillenialDev, I’ll see you as my equal when you have same experience as me”. I resigned following week.1
-
Been on a conference call with some coworkers and a huge company which is trying to sell us a new tool for our CI environment. Sales guys ask us sensible questions about our requirements and try to find out our needs. No one of my coworkers says a word. Sales guys rephrase their questions but STILL: Crickets on the line from our side and this call gets embarrassing. So I try to explain our SW dev process and explain what we need for our CI and suddenly Mr. Manager sends me a text msg telling me to to "STFU!"....Oh well THANK YOU, I just tried to be polite to these sales guys who were invited by US and took their time to present us their really good tool. I mean cmon...what is F*CKING WRONG with you?5
-
MMMH DEVELOPER PRODUCTIVITY IS NOT THAT GREAT... YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL MAKE SURE THEY SPEND 90% OF THEIR TIME IN FUCKING CONFERENCE CALLS, THAT IS SURELY GOING TO HELP THEM GET THEIR JOB DONE
Some manager at my company, probably.2 -
*working in android with manager who doesn't know android*
Me:"we need to establish different intents for x and y to get the job done"
Manager:"i dont need you deciding what I intend to do"
.... thats not what I meant by intent -
That feeling you get when you realize that switching to a pure tiling window manager is the best thing you've done in your life since switching to boxers.
3 -
So i have been working with a so called python expert my manager on a project.
He has 3 years of more experience in python than me.
The best thing is he shows up everyday with random post from stackoverflow to fix our bugs everyday.
And if the code is in python2 he says that only difference is just put () around print and it will work
🤦♂️
He earns thrice as much i do3 -
when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...
-
Worst Manager/Higher Up? I guess that would be me. There was this time I was so frustrated with my team, that I literally asked them to make a list of words they want to curse me with, cause we won't be going home till the work is done the right way.5
-
Monthly Update call
Me : I need 2 undivided weeks in the next 3 months to make some refactoring to our codebase, so we dont have issues in scaling.
Senior Manager (with years of tech experience almost equal to my age) :
Why would we need that, We are already hosted on AWS so we can just spin up more instances.
Me ( trying to hold the rage inside) : No it doesnt work that way, that will only hurt us more than help.
Him : What if we try with a bigger instance size. Its AWS, sure they will have a bigger instance.
Me : No, tha....
Him : (cuts me off) How about we use autoscaling and let AWS decide
Me : (Silently praying for a gun that shots across video calls.)8 -
1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year
Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!
1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago
Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*
1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management
Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐10 -
Ok I'm seriously getting sick of this shit, my new manager wants us to have the fucking 12 hour night shifts from the office for .....no reason??!! for her own fucking entertainment I suppose!
I knew the day would come where my happy times at the new job would be over, my target now is stay 3 more months so I've been there for at least a year then see what happens. fuck me.4 -
Manager : what is "looks good" in code review comment??? You have to be more detailed.
Me in next code review : It is not aesthetically pleasing, but it gets the job done. -
Project manager, who i've complained in the past is neglecting critical things that he doesn't want to do, decided today to cancel our weekly planning meeting, to have the below conversation with me 1:1. Its very long, but anyone who has the will to get through it ... please tell me it's not just me. I'm so bewildered and angry.
Side note: His solution to the planning meeting not taking place ... to just not have one and asked everyone to figure it out themselves offline, with no guidance on priorities.
Conversation:
PM: I need to talk to you about some of phrasing you use during collaboration. It's coming across slightly offensive, or angry or something like that.
Me: ok, can you give me an example?
PM: The ticket I opened yesterday, where you closed it with a comment something along the lines of "as discussed several times before, this is an issue with library X, can't be fixed until Y ...".
"As discussed several times" comes across aggressive.
Me: Ok, fair enough, I get quite frustrated when we are under a crunch, working long hours, and I have to keep debugging or responding to the same tickets over and over. I mean, like we do need to solve this problem, I don't think its fair that we just keep ignoring this.
PM: See this is the problem, you never told me.
Me: ... told you what?
PM: That this is a known issue and not to test it.
Me: ..... i'm sorry ..... I did, that was the comment, this is the 4th ticket i've closed about it.
PM: Right but when you sent me this app, you never said "don't test this".
Me: But I told you that, the last 3 times that it won't be in until feature X, which you know is next month.
PM: No, you need to tell me on each internal release what not to test.
Me: But we release multiple times per week internally. Do you really need me to write a big list of "still broken, still broken, still broken, still broken"?
PM: Yes, how else will I know?
Me: This is documented, the last QA contractor we had work for us, wrote a lot of this down. Its in other tickets that are still open, or notes on test cases etc. You were tagged in all of these too. Can you not read those? and not test them unless I say I've fixed them?
PM: No, i'm only filling for QA until we hire a full time. Thats QA's job to read those and maintain those documents.
Me: So you want me to document for you every single release, whats already documented in a different place?
PM: ok we'll come back to this. Speaking of hiring QA. You left a comment on the excel spreadsheet questioning my decision, publicly, thats not ok.
Me: When I asked why my top pick was rejected?
PM: Yes. Its great that you are involved in this, but I have to work closely with this person and I said no, is that not enough?
Me: Well you asked me to participate, reviewing resumes's and interviewing people. And I also have to work extremely close with this person.
PM: Are you doubting my ability to interview or filter people?
Me: ..... well a little bit yeah. You asked me to interview your top pick after you interviewed her and thought she was great. She was very under qualified. And the second resume you picked was missing 50% of the requirements we asked for ... given those two didn't go well, I do think its fair to ask why my top pick was rejected? ... even just to know the reason?
PM: Could you not have asked publicly? face to face?
Me: you tagged me on a google sheet, asking me to review a resume, and rather than tag you back on 2 rows below ... you want me to wait 4 days to ask you at our next face to face? (which you just cancelled for this meeting)
PM: That would have been more appropriate
Me: ..... i'm sorry, i don't want to be rude but thats ridiculous and very nit pick-y. You asked my opinion on one row, I asked yours on another. To say theres anything wrong with that is ridiculous
PM: Well we are going to call another team meeting and discuss all this face to face then, because this isn't working. We need to jump to this other call now, lets leave it here.5 -
Fuck product managers.
Just the other day I was discussing our progress so far and this product manager shows us the timeline and his vision for the project.
Ngl, I haven’t seen such an ambitious fuck for so long. He doesn’t know how to do anything other than fucking spreadsheets. The only problem with his plan is that we don’t even have the team, just 2 pity devs carrying it.
I still don’t get it, why the fuck would a company with 2 devs need a product manager?1 -
Getting tired of my manager saying "That's too long! The people at the companies I've worked at before could do it in nearly half the time!"
Like, what's the point of asking me to quote time if you're just gonna ask me to reduce it anyway?3 -
The company hired a Senior Project Manager (SPM) and two months in we had the following conversation:
SPM: Hey, go talk to the project stakeholders and get the requirements for the project.
Me: Uhm, isn't the PM supposed to go and gather the requirements?
SPM: I'll go check with the stakeholders. We don't have a PM :)
Me: You are the SPM... Which is the same thing?
SPM: hmmm... I'll go ask them and get back to you.
GFG, you've been here for two months, are supposed to be a senior with many years under your belt as a PM and yet know nothing about your job. You don't even know that you're a PM. -
Product manager calls me at 7 PM. "There's gonna be a slight change in the module. You can reuse lot of existing code and I'm sure it won't take much for you to finish. "
Me: Okay, let me take a look at it tomorrow morning.
The next day I saw the spec change.
One and half weeks later, I'm still doing the change.
#FML2 -
So first of all I'm not a dev.
I'm a software tester and my test manager is a douche, but this is not it.
Today I went to the end user place along with him to teach them how to test properly and how to manage the software test cycle in JIRA.
I did a demo and showed the users the software the dev team developed and of course there were a lot of rants about it.
Users noted down a list of things to be changed and we kept going.
By the end of the demo, my test manager started discussing the fact that I told these guys to open Bugs without test objects on Jira.
I mean, we don't have a test cycle or test cased yet but these guys found issues already, what's the point?
So here's the funny part.
He then starts telling users (which ignore testing fundaments) to create a test cycle called 'meeting of today dd/mm/yyyy" and create tests below it which were named with the names of who created them.
All of that without a logic and ignoring the fact that these tests were not tests.
I was laughing my ass off while assisting this total mess and I almost lost control.
And this is my manager.
Luckily, tomorrow is Saturday.4 -
My manager asked me to have colleagues outside engineering dept test an interface for a personal project in order to get the best feedback on UI/X
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My manager tracks progress and issues using Excel.
Asks everyone in the team to put feedback on Trello.
I can't even..... WTF -
that feeling when everything isnt responding anymore so i thought task manager could handle it..... turns out task manager is like everything else....
Task Manager (not responding) -
Manager: no you can't go to that conference. It's to expensive.
Next week...
Manager: so I'm going on this conference and you need to make sure nothing goes wrong here. Bye!2 -
dev: “I want to start working on [feature]”
Me: “I already started to work on it, sorry for not mentioning it, we need specs from design team before I can go on, but I’d suggest going for another task meanwhile”
Manager: “noooo design is very very busy, [dev] will take care of it.”
Me: “[dev] still needs specs from the design team... and I am half done with it so no real point in re-writing the same code I wrote”
Manager: “just trust me, we do this and [dev] takes care of it.”
*me and [dev] look at each other perplexed and just nod to the manager cause it’s Thursday and the fucks to give are over*
... am I actually a patient in an asylum? I question my sanity after this exchange of words.2 -
How many project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just schedule a meeting to discuss the lighting strategy.3
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For productivity I get to work at 5:30 and code until 8:30 before I open my emails for the first time. That's when my real job starts as a Project Manager (in the throes of teaching himself to code at age 37)3
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Today I had to teach a product manager how to use git. It took about 30 minutes to create a proper pull request. Then another 30 to update it when he fucked the change up.
It was a one line change...needless to say I was internally screaming after the first 10 minutes.2 -
To quote Charles Bukowski:
"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
I always have tendency to fall into feeling lonely and abandoned, but these days my life is tossing some of the wildest curve balls more than ever before.
The latest one yet just happened this Monday. My manager quit and there was no knowledge transfer, and it was not on the good terms with the company.
Now I'm the only member of my team, and I have to take care of some of the projects that I've never worked on.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not setup for failure, and there are no expectations for me to know how everything works, quiet the opposite. But working with our clients and debugging the projects that I literally setting up on the fly had been a rollercoaster.
Second time in this company I will be looking for a manager in my department, and teaching them how everything works. Fun times.. fun times never change..5 -
When the manager decides you're the one who should build a website and you're not the front-end developer at the company 🤬🖕13
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That moment when your project manager says to the client "That is clearly possible". After that he asks you if that is in fact possible to do, you say: "is possible with major limitations" and then he understand they screwed up but in the end the one that is screwed up is you.1
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Homebrew eats shit. It is easily the slowest and least effective package manager I have ever used on the command line. It feels like software that was great in 2006, but hasn't changed since then.9
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Scored another win as the family tech guy! I found out my wife's sister and her husband were storing all their passwords in a Excel spreadsheet. Long story short they are now using a password manager. 😁2
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4 months into the journey at an ambitious streaming startup we, a team of 10 engineers (primarily full stack), sets up a tiny and performant express.js api setup.
We document plans for improving the maintainability, including outlining specific practices (not very different from general node best practices) that need to be followed for all new development.
Enter a new engineering manager (dedicated backend manager), henceforth referred to as S, with a rat face and brain that belongs in a rat hole.
Week 1:
S: let's push this new feature out asap
Dev: it'll need a couple of weeks to get done right
S: let's push out a functional version tomorrow, and revamp in the next iteration
Dev: ... (long pause) there's documented practices specifically directing against this
S: can you not do it by tomorrow
Dev: not if it needs to be done right
S: all you need to do is.. (simplifies changes spanning 5 modules into a 3 line summary)
Dev: yes, (outlines how each changes chains into the others, and how to keep the development maintainable for atleast a few months)
S: (interrupts every sentence saying "yes dev, I understand, yes yes")
Dev: could you please tell me how you expect me to connect (outlines two modules that would fail unless developed as standalone services)
S: Yes dev, I understand, yes yes. I don't have much experience with Node.js, so I can't tell you that.
Dev:
<_<
>_>
O_<
Our.. entire.. backend.. stack.. is.. Node. (Months of motivation, cultivated through hard work over late nights, dies inside)
I need a J and some sleep.6 -
OMFG network-manager randomizes the mac of wlan0. And it ignores me turning this "feature" off. WHAT THE HELL MAN4
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I recently joined to a company. I am recent grad. I was getting KT by my Manager during team on-boarding.
The manager showed me the tech stack they use for the application. It had the given logo.
My manager read it like this - "We also use Adobe here ....."
I muted my mic and laughed so hard, and now I am searching for jobs at some better company- where managers don't confuse AngularJS logo with Adobe.
7 -
When a manager asks if you can implement a feature (their are legitimately not sure if it is even possible) and you say yes and they say, "Good, 'cause I already assured the client that we would provide it on the next release"
Like, what the actual fuck...1 -
We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.
Damnit. God Damnit.5 -
I hate IT managers, how on earth some become ant form of manager is beyond myself.
I have a server with a hardware firewall. A client, based in the UK, with French offices is saying the server blocking their new French IP. I white-listed their IP address, still no luck.
That was a week ago.
After 4 international phone calls and nearly 30 emails I resolved the "issue".
Their so called "IT Manager" sent over the wrong IP. Instead of it starting with 46.* he sent over an IP starting 42.*, which was in fact being correctly blocked.
Suffice to say I charged the client a lot of money for the wasted time and international rate calls.
2 -
This is long rant/story:
My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.
Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.
Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.
So, the conversation goes on as follows:
"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"
"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"
"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"
"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"
"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"
"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.
…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager
"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."
Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.
**The Process**
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.1 -
My lead always steal my work and showcase it has his work to the manager. I always look for a chance to trap him in front of Manager.
One fine day, He gave me an work which has to completed on Monday, I sit over the weekend and finished it’s but partially committed it.
He is a blind thief, As always he says that he himself completed over the weekend.
While running in front of the manager they face huge issues because it’s a half cooked product. Manager purposely sent an email to our team without mentioning the name of my lead.
After few days my lead silently put paper and left the team.3 -
*during sprint planning*
Me: so here are the tickets I'm taking in this sprint. I'll do this first and that second. I'm also keeping some buffer for emergency stuff
Manager: ok, this looks good. I trust you and will let you work in peace unless something important comes up. I won't micro manage you
Also my manager for every fucking day of the sprint: hey man what's up? Ready for sync up call?
THAT'S MICRO MANAGING RIGHT THERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU COULD CHECK JIRA OR GITHUB OR ASK ME IN STANDUP BUT YOU INSIST ON CALLING AND ASK ABOUT THE TINIEST DETAILS. GO FUCK YOURSELF SERIOUSLY9 -
Last day in the office. I started remembering good old memories. Felt nostalgic and doubted my new job as they were not giving rise as per my expectation.
Then, my manager comes up with his divine improvement in the good working site (not for me but for other dev).
I felt sorry for my fellow mates and started praising my new job.1 -
Started new job at startup and finished all the development environment setup started development it was going smooth for one week.all the created API were working fine on the next day morning without any changes API's were giving cors error.asked my senior what must be the problem he said bypass cors and figure out the problem after trying for 1hrs i couldn't figure out what was the problem but API's were back to normal without any changes. then after sometime same day in zoom call i asked what was the problem he said show me the error but I couldn't reproduced the same cors error he then lectured me for 1 hrs and after that he said that learn to solve by your own dont come with silly mistake like this to me.
I don't know what was the problem he even refused me show to what the problem was.5 -
Manager: Oh I also forgot, we also have a red balloon... do you know if you could inflate it?
Dev (the EXPERT): ...3 -
It's always fun to learn from your COLLEAGUES that you're about to leave the project and should hand off your responsibilities to them.
And when you ask your manager WTF?? you're replied with "calm down, nothing's decided yet, we're only talking at this point"1 -
Made a tiny-ass code change and commited it today. Put in a proper enough commit message as well (any dev would have understood).
Not 5 minutes later, my manager calls me (I was happy that my code was being reviewed so quickly) and asks "why did you make this change?" So I started explaining it to him. End of the discussion, turns out I had to give him 2 details: "it was a customer request" and "<insert client name here>".
Why did I ever try. Rather why didn't he try. -
Recently I found a free and really fast download manager for Linux (actually it's cross platform) that I was looking for.
Take a look: https://persepolisdm.github.io1 -
Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'
Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )
They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.
we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.
I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.2 -
I took a job with a software company to manage their product, which was a SaaS property maintenance system for real estate, social housing, etc.
There was no charge to real estate agents to use it but maintenance contractors had to use credits to take a job, which they pre-purchased. They recharged their credit costs back to the real estate agent on their invoice).
Whether this pricing model is good or not, that's what it was. So, in I came, and one of the first things management wanted me to deal with was a long-standing problem where nobody in the company ever considered a contractor's credits could go into the negative. That is, they bought some credits once, then kept taking jobs (and getting the real estate agent to pay for the credits), and went into negative credits, never paying another cent to this software company.
So, I worked with product and sales and finance and the developers to create a series of stories to help get contractors' back into positive credits with some incentives, and most certainly preventing anyone getting negative again.
The code was all tested, all was good, and this was the whole sprint. We released it ...
... and then suddenly real estate agents were complaining reminders to inspect properties were being missed and all sorts of other date-related events were screwed up.
I couldn't understand how this happened. I spoke with the software manager and he said he added a couple of other pieces of code into the release.
In particular, the year prior someone complained a date on a report was too squished and suggested a two-digit year be used. Some atrocious software developer worked on it who, quite seriously, didn't simply change the formatting of that one report. No, he modified the code everywhere to literally store two-digit years in the database. This code sat unreleased for a year and then .... for no perceivable reason, the moron software manager decided he'd throw it into this sprint without telling me or anybody else, or without it being tested.
I told him to rollback but he said he'd already had developers fixing the problems as they came up. He seemed to be confident they'd sort it out soon.
Yet, as the day went on more and more issues arose. I spoke to him with the rest of the management team and said we need to revert the code but he said they couldn't because they hadn't been making pull requests that were exclusive to specific tickets but instead contained lots of work all in one. He didn't think they could detangle it and said the only way to fix was "play whack-a-mole" when issues came up.
I only stayed in that company for three months; there was simply way too much shit to fix and to this day I still have no idea the reasoning that went on in the head of anyone involved with that piece of code.2 -
Working on this bug for a day. Frustrated Friday afternoon. Decided to explain to my manager and senior why I can't find a fix and while explaining it to them, I eventually figured out the problem and fixed it.
I just realized I used my manager and senior as rubber ducks. -
To make matters even worse, my manager gave the horrible client also access to another clients environment just to 'compare' things, and nitpick over configuration that he is missing, but just hasn't setup yet...
Fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck my manager, what a total 🌰🔩🥜nutjob5
