My website (which I hate) is still featured on www.anchorshowcase.com - it's nice to see someone appreciates stuff! 😂

Anyone tried Fat Free Framework? (PHP)

It's actually really nice, a little bit fiddly, but still nice.

"I don't think it's a good idea to do that."

Translation: "Your idea makes the once infinite calm on the planes of my soul, feel a level of rage that will end all living creatures, known or unknown to mankind"

(In response to stupid request) "Yes, that's fine."

Translation: "I've come to the conclusion that dying in prison for murdering you, is worth it."

(In the meeting) "Yes everything seems to be progressing forward at an excellent rate, I'm seeing lots of synergy in the team."

Translation: "Where the fuck am I and what the fuck am I doing...?!"

"Yes, that's possible."

Translation: "I don't want to look like a fucking complete yoghurt, but I have no idea how I even tied my own laces this morning - so god only knows if this is possible"

"That's two weeks worth of development."

Translation: "It will take me 3 hours, the remaining one week, 6 days and 21 hours will be spent on Reddit."

Recruiter calls me and says, "Hi Rob, I've been looking at your LinkedIn profile and I think you would be a great fit for an ASP role I have in London!"

My profile literally states in the opening paragraph... "No ASP roles, PHP only please."

When I responded and highlighted that, the recruiter persisted to argue with me that they are basically the same language.

I immediately exited the conversation and debated on whether it was best I just hang myself now.

@localhost, my desk. Also where I eat dinner, sometimes with my wife too. As you can see, my old Pro is displaying a perfect visual representation of what is happening to my soul. 😏

My DevRant stickers showed up. ☺️

http://jpg.rcg-dev.com/

I was given a week and a half to build this, in December last year - it had to be finished before I flew to America for a month. I did it with 2 days to spare.

The project manager is still coming back with amendments and changes - 6 months on.

It's still not live.

www.sheffieldbusinessawards.org.uk

6 days. From scratch. AFTER a freelancer fucked up the first build in Wordpress, which took 36 days.

I've since rebuilt this - http://sba.rcg-dev.com/ in another 28 hours of work time, to give it more functionality for the 2016 Awards. Bare in mind - there is a fully bespoke, from the ground up CMS that manages every single piece of content on the website.

When you finally spot the missing semi colon.

Peaky Blinders is back at the end of this month, and I've been like...

Won the big contract. 😅

Wife: "You're obsessed with that app now."

Me: "And...?"

I flick stink bugs on their back and watch them die as they hopelessly try to turn their life around. It's the closest resemblance to my career as a Web Developer, flicked by the 'project manager'.

PHP: "Full functionality changes? It's okay bro, just save me - I'm ready to rock and roll!"

Reload page: Beautiful.

ASP: "Changed the width of my div? Please recompile my entire solution. Thank you."

Compile.

ASP: "Hold on! There were build errors, compile anyway?"

Yes.

ASP: "Great! We're good to go and everything checks out!"

Reload page: Error. Stack Trace.

When the client asks "I'm not sure how that works, though."

Being a Web Developer is very serious. It's a matter of live and dev.

How to pass yourself off as a Web Developer.

Download Wordpress.
Install theme.
Install plugins.
Activate plugins.
Customize theme.
Email client: "Done, invoice attached."
Receive sum of $10,000.

"Can you build a fully customizable slider system in the CMS?"

"Sure."

"Great, booked an hour in for you - surely it's just a case of copy paste from something else, right?"

😟

I updated my hosting packages, purchasing a new VPS. Half way through my download of all the hosted sites, I wondered why it had stopped. Yeaaaaah... I'd updated the DNS to point to the new server mid transaction. Hodor.

"How long will it take to complete?"

"Five days."

"Great, I'll book you in for 2 days."

😑😑😑😑😑😑

"How do I update some content in the CMS?", asked the bewildered Web Project Manager. The Developer snarled "... By clicking the content, changing the text and clicking save!"

"Yes, but will it work in IE7?"