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*You can't make this shit up*
Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?
Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.
Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?
Me: Excuse me?
Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?
Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!
Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?
Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.
Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...
*Hangs up*44 -
skype interview with chinese it vp,
vp: do u know cow-computing?
me: sorry what?
vp: cow computing
me: really can't hear you, did u mean actual Cow computing?
vp: i mean cow! you know like in the sky.
me: oohhhh, cloud computing.. (face turns red over embarrassment) -
Student approaches recruitment table
Student points to cheap pen giveaway
Student stares at me
Student maintains eye contact until I uncomfortably ask "Can I help you?"
Student: "I like your pens"
(Awkward pause. I expected him to introduce himself or ask for a pen)
Me: "Uh, would you like one?"
(Student nods vigorously, says nothing)
Me: "here you go"
(Student walks away wordlessly)
Career fairs..8 -
Wk1:, Client wants stack deployed to AWS in a day... Does it in 30 minutes...
Wk2: client complains about cost of service so requests I downsize the stack they asked for... Does so... Just to save some £££ at loss of any DR or HA capability
Wk3: Client wants stack moved to a different AWS account just cos... Advised could cause issues... Client says carry on. Migrates to account as requested on the days they requested.
Wk4: client complains that said migration caused issues and that proper change control wasn't followed..... That was never informed on..
Wk5: issue discovered to actually be network fault linked to clients wanting every £££ saved in AWS... And as the stack specialist I still have to write up a summary and findings?
Wow just get a decent AWS admin will ya....3 -
Wan't to hear my ridiculous recruiter story? I am originally from MA, and been on a small town since I was 4 (Born in Brazil). Well after years and years on the same town, always going back (MA) when a job here and there wouldn't work out. Going through some depression, and just got tired of everything. Well one day I found a recruiter on linkedIn and he knew a friend of mine. So he said he had a possible job offer but it was in Florida, anyhow he would later contact me and in the mean time for me to send him some examples of my work. Well in the mean time I packed my stuff and called him letting him know I was on the way. He was shocked and didn't know what to say. Went to the interview with him, got the job. 9 months later :) I don't regret taking my changes, it was all I had. I'm currently employed, love my job, and if it wasn't for my ridiculous recruiter... I don't know where I would have ended up. Long story, sorry /: ... here is a potato :) (9gag reference)
10 -
This is what Daily Standups turn into when a hard baked Waterfall team is forced to adopt Agile... and the Manager is made the SMaster! 😳☹️😫😭
6 -
I thought of a funnier story about recruiters, one called my desk a few weeks ago and I politely declined the offer before hanging up.
The same recruiter then proceeded to call the person sitting directly opposite me and subsequently told them that I had recommended them for a position (I categorically did no such thing). I hope they were wearing Brown pants that day because I proceeded to phone up their company and spent the next 20 minutes detailing how unprofessional it is to blatantly lie to people and expressly told them that if I ever found out they were using my name in this way again I would Sue them for libel.
Needless to say most of their agents have left my professional network on LinkedIn.
Tl;Dr I won2 -
The almost sexual vibe of this recruiters email.
You and I don’t know each other but it looks like you are into PHP and MySQL. I dig guys like you and have a few friends that would to. I have a client that is looking for a PHP Developer in Orlando FL."
If anyone else is looking to hook up with me you should be forewarned, I am not into PHP or MySQL.10 -
Two programmers have been arrested and currently sit in a jail cell.
Programmer 1: Hey I think we had too much too drink.
Programmer 2: I believe that is a logically assumption.
Officer: You have a phone call.
Programmer 1: Yes, it's my lawyer!
Phone: Is Steve Smith ?
Programmer 1: Yes, who is this?
Phone: Hi, this is Jane calling from Tech Hub Recruiting....
Programmer 1: HOW DID YOU FIND ME?!
2 -
My recruitment story is a bit funny,
i had two interview, first one was to evaluate working style, behavior and ethics, where the interviewer and i spent almost 20 minutes discussing video games 😀.
second was technical, was interviewed by a lady dev manager and the team's technical lead "which i didn't know their roles at that time" went really good and at the end they asked:
Do you wanna ask us any questions?
Me: *leans back, with one arm on the chair arm and with a curious look and pointing one finger at both of them😕*
So what are you two?
them: *both had a shocked face and looked at each other for few seconds, manager chuckles😓😓* Well i am the team's dev manager and this guy is the team's technical lead, and in case you were wondering, we are not a couple.
technical lead: 😂😂😂
Me: 😨😨 no no that's not what i meant i swear.
Interview was over, i left the building thinking 😢😢 oh god, i totally blew it.
2 weeks later i get a phone call asking me to come and discuss contract terms 😂😂😂
sorry for the long story
5 -
- Why should we give the job to you?
- Because, according to LinkedIn, you are searching for a JS dev for 11 months at least...
(I got the job :)) -
Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?
Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...
Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...
Me: I already have a job.
Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.
Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!
Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.
Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?
Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...
Me: Yeah, please delete my file...4 -
Quite recently I received an email from a recruiter who first claimed that they had seen my resume, told me I may be a great fit for a job of one of their clients, and then proceeded to list the job description. That's typical, but what caught my eye was the fact that the first requirement he mentioned was 7+ years experience with Java. If he had actually read my resume, he probably would've seen that not only do I not have any experience with Java, but that I am a 20-year-old who made damn sure to put on my resume that I only have 2 years of experience in total...4
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I found a recruiter that read my CV. My CV, he READ it... ALL of it!
I'm keeping this one, he is very well trained! -
I never finished college. It says so on my resume, in plain English. I don't try to hide it.
A recruiter tells me I'd be a good fit, I give the green light, and he calls back two days later to ask: "Hey, when did you get your degree?"
Me: "I didn't."
I haven't heard from him since. Is it that hard to read a resume?5 -
I get a email every few weeks from recruiters for jobs that want senior level dev with 7+ years experience. In android, IOS, Java, or C#. My LinkedIn and personal site both state I graduated almost a year ago ...
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Recruiter calls to my open office job, asks for me.
Coworker: hey Such N. Such is on the phone for you.
Me: idk who he is, tell him to leave a message.
Coworker: ok. He says to please call him back about an amazing dev position @ XYZ.
Savage
2 -
I was being interviewed by a tenured Java Dev for a position of android Dev in a big company. it was a glass walled cubicle, and I could see in the reflection that he was browsing stack overflow and asking me the questions. My answers, although correct, didn't match with the accepted answer in stack overflow. sigh. felt good to be rejected.1
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Most recruiters will write they've found my Linkedin profile and read it thoroughly with great interest. I always call their bullshit with this simple line on top of my profile.
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I worked for a streaming company where I was interviewing a candidate for a device position. I tried digging into his passions and hobbies and he told me he was using rasp pi:s to automatically download torrents and stream to Kodi.
He really wasn't reading up on which company he applied for.2 -
Extract from a quite old recruiter email (excluding the formalities):
Position: junior dev
Workplace: office for first year, can be changed to remote after (salary will be 50% lower if you go remote though) *suspicion levels starts raising*
Payment: 1€ per line of code (empty lines/comments excluded) or page of documentation *alarms start ringing*
Additional info: on high alert for 4 weeks every 6 weeks *wtf is going on*, salary bonus is 10€ per week *I stopped reading here and moved the email directly to the spam folder*6 -
One time I got an offer for a job I had found through a recruiter. When I wasn't sure if I was going to take the job, and it became clear to the recruiter that he wasn't going to be able to convince me, he had his "manager" get on the phone to try to tell me why I needed to take the job. One of the reasons was "because I was a recent college graduate and wasn't a CS major (I was a minor but had a lot of experience), this was the best offer I could get." It thought it was pretty sad that they resorted to insulting me to try to get me to take the job so they could get their commission. Sleeaaazzzyyy.2
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The whole javascript / java thing (which i suppose is an easy mistake to make to the uninitiated ).
The bright side is, it functions as a good litmus test.3 -
Every recruiter voicemail.
Hi (name)
Your resume recently came across my desk and I wanted to reach out and let you know about a couple positions I'm working on. I've looked over your resume and you look like you'd be a great fit.3 -
recruiter used some blog post, a baseline for frontend developers (pretty neat post btw), to asses my skills. she read the subheadings of the post and asked me to rank myself 1-5. i find this way of assesments as idiotic as having percentage representation of skills on idiotic portfolio sites. i mean wtf does it mean that you know 80% of html??? but that s another rant. so she goes:
rec: javascript?
me: 5
rec: git?
me: 5
*continues with other subs*
rec: the fine manual?
me: excuse me?
rec: how would you rate yourself in the fine manual?
me: *blank stare*
"the fine manual" was the subheading of the conclusion paragraph of the fucking blog post....3 -
My most ridiculous recruiter experience was the time he called me back to say to me that I'm too confident and... too good for the job. I was so confused ! I had no experience at all, and I was a very introvert person. What a strange way to say that I don't fit for the job.4
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My worst experience with a recruiter has to be when i wasn't interested in a particular position they became hostile with me demanding why and contacting me on a regular basis to see if i had changed my mind.
Truth is you ain't getting shit from me.
Always remember you have the control with recruiters, don't give them the ability to take you for a ride. -
Was asked to go to interview at an anti virus company. Looking someone with extensive Amazon aws experience. Told them I had none, company was aware and wanted to see me anyway. 3 separate interviews to go through; Got through round 1 and round 2 of the interviews got rejected at round three because u didn't have aws experience!!!! Like wtf..... Why waste my time like that!!6
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I was being interviewed by a start-up company and one of the founders came in the room, said hello, put up his feet on the table and said "So what can you do for us?" 😐
1 year later (last week) I get an email saying that the company will disband because of bankruptcy. I smiled.1 -
A recruiter came to my school last month to (supposedly) tell us what are the hottest skills to have under our belts. The event ended up like a devRant IRL.
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1. Explain how a martian vending machine (wtf?) should look like and how it works.
2. Write a program to change the currency of the machine and price of martian D.
(other tasks irrelevant)
Congratulations for that recruiter guy for coming up with such a creative task *clap*clap*2 -
Went up to a booth of some small company with nobody in line and they rejected me flat out because I hadn't had a previous internship. they laid out their requirements (which were higher than Microsoft's I might add) and then said they still wanted to keep my resume. i told them that their requests were ridiculous, then grabbed my resume out of their hands and told them I'd give it to somebody worth my time1
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Hired me on Upwork, now the deadline is coming near and he is too busy to answer any of my attempts to get response...1
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I was working in the field for about 6 years, and had my bachelors (working on masters). I went to Robert Half Technology looking for work, and the recruiter there said I didn't have enough experience (are you kidding me?) and that she couldn't market me.
I went to another office location 4 years later, and they hired me on full time (very unorthodox) as a consultant because 'I was a purple squirrel guru". (what ever that means)
The original recruiter at the other location now is forced to find positions and contracts for me without 1 ounce of say in the matter. If I am waiting on another contract, I get paid, it's like vacation. Makes it so much sweeter5 -
Ok.. So I applied for a web dev position at a small-to-medium sized company. They had a telephonic round which they were happy with. They then sent out an assignment for me (A simple webapp to complete in 1hr). I did it and sent them the code. Finally, the face to face interview also went well.
At the end of it all, the HR comes back and tells me - "You did not use a MVC framework for the assignment and your code was not optimized for unit testing."
Me - "Ugh. (1) You did not have to call me for the face to face interview if you did not like my code. (2) You specified NOT to use any 3rd party libraries when doing the assignment. (3) You can tell people directly that you cannot afford them."4 -
Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.
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All you guys are here ranting about how your interview didn't go as planned and I'm just sitting here like "at least you got an interview; I don't even get a phone call back."3
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I remember a recruiter reaching out to me after I applied to a company and we set up a phone interview. When the date arrived, she did not call. I emailed her a few days later and she did not reply. A few weeks later she contacted me again, and since I hadn't secured a job yet, I decided to give it another shot and we set up another phone interview. Guess what? She didn't call. Second strike was too much for me, so when she emailed about a couple of weeks later to know if I was still interested, I did not even bother to reply.1
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I love when recruiters ring me up telling me all about the fantastic opportunity they have for a junior php Dev role a hundred miles away, offering 13k a year. These guys obviously don't read cv's
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More than once recruiters have thought it's a good idea to phone my desk to try and recruit me. Fine I can just say no thank you and move on, it does however get a bit awkward when you're interrupted talking to your boss by a recruiter phone your desk and you've aliased their number on lync as 'ass clowns'1
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Had a recruiter contact me about a Javascript Developer position. This job was an on-site job 8 hours away and I have a wife who has interviews for a teaching job in the area we currently lived. So she asked if I knew Javascript well, and I said yes for Web Development. She says, "Well I'm sure it's the same for Javascript applications, right?" I said, "I've never created a Javascript application." She says, "I'm sure it will be fine, do you want to come in for an interview today?" That's when I hung up.
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I once went on multiple interviews, took multiple tests (IQ and personality) and then went on anothet interview for a job. After the last interview I didn't hear anything more from the recruiter.
A year later the same recruiter contacts me to ask if I have any friends who might be interested in a position.
🖕🏻 -
someone called me.
recruiter: hi may I speak to niko.
niko: yes speak, may I know who is this.
recruiter: my name is lala from Xtalent I have a .net developer role in NJ. Are you available in the job market?
Niko: I have a project already.
**hangs up
repeat every 3 hrs, same person different time.1 -
A company gave a recruiting agency the requisites and allowed the recruiters to actually hire the people instead of just arranging plans. A recruiter came to me and offered me a senior position with a 50k salary with no interview or anything. I'm not even a graduate yet... I didn't take it cause I want to finish my degree1
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My worst recruiter experience is... Well, I don't have any. What I do have is a really good experience with an internship. And by good experience I mean it's good that I'm not there anymore!
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6 month recruiting process, 14 interviews and 2 tests...
ended up turning them down after the 1st test and 7 interviews "Round 1"1 -
This comes up when I search on Google 'what is code' lol this looks like a bob the builder remake all about code
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So I applied for a Cloud Architect position. The process was very intensive. Roughly 6 interviews, 2 practical assignments and a written exam. In total it took me 3 weeks to go through the screening process. I aced everything, and was told they were going to send me an offer. I received an email on the 21st of April asking me if I was still interested. I replied back immediately saying I was most def interested. The next morning I get an email back from the hiring manager, who happened to CC the client as well, saying I took too long to reply to the offer, and the job was filled. I was perplexed as to how I took too long to reply. I went through the email chain that the client also received, and saw the hiring manager changed the email headers in the reply chain from the 21st of April, to the 12th of April. So it made out that I did indeed take too long and the client went with someone else! WTF! Very unprofessional, but very little I could do.. I wasted a lot of time and energy and heartache with this!4
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I had a gentleman tell me I was overqualified, and then proceed to ask me for help with Agile software (jira)! 😂 I gave him my card!
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It was in May and I had a recruiter call be up about an interview for a dev position. I went to the interview, thought it went all right and awaited feedback.
Nothing came... I called the agency a few days later and he said he'd get me something back by end of the week.
Still nothing. I called again and he was all "oh sorry, I forgot, and I'll get it tomorrow".
You can probably guess; nothing. A couple weeks pass so by now I'm pretty confident I don't have the job, so I continue looking.
Then early afternoon on a Friday in November that agency calls back:
Agency: "Hi, how are you?"
Me: "Hey, I'm fine"
Agency: "Excellent, remember that interview in May for that company?"
Me: "Yeah, why have they go another position available?"
Agency: "Better, you start work with them on Monday"
It took the guy 6 months to get back, nothing from him or the company. Then he calls up out of the blue. No idea what he would be done had I already got a job.
I actually did accept, still work there now 4 years later, for now. -
So I've been getting a lot of attention from various companies ranging from small tech start ups, to big established companies. I've had a lot of interviews that all went really well! So some weeks passed, and I have no feed back from any companies, so I proceed. I eventually get an offer from one company that is really good. They day i accepted it, I received about 4 other offers from all the other companies! And I got about 5 interviews to now decline! Murphy's law at is cruellest!1
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Other than these "recruiting companies" from India who happen to know my name but can't pronounce the city I live in?
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One time I got a Skype interview and the interviewer asked me to complete all the coding questions (rewrite in actual code) and email the answers to them within 10mins.
But when I open the question sheet, I found that all questions contain pseudo answer, so I ended up rewriting them on specific coding language, which was easy.
After I finished all the questions and sent the answer back to the interviewer and she told me this test wasn't testing my skill level on that specific coding language but honesty.1 -
Any top tips for recruiting or things you look for in an ad?
Our company has just advertised 4 roles (one was a junior PHP/JS dev role) and we got 90 applications. Only one was for the dev role, and we decided not to pursue it.
We're keen not to go the recruiter route, they cost a ton and that means less pay for the dev in the end. Plus, you've only got to look at this week's rants to see how they work!
Every day without help feels like an eternity of ever shortening impossible client deadlines for me. 😩😭 (I'm the main dev on a team of 3 including our PM)5 -
I was on vacation during spring break and was supposed to start on a contract-to-hire the following Tuesday. Towards the end of the week the recruiter tells me the company got delayed on paperwork because of accounting (no funds). Thankfully, my current job accepted me that week until I could start the new job. Friday of the week I got back they tell me I can start Monday. That evening my current job (startup) comes back with a solid counteroffer and here I am. If they would've taken me in after my vacation I wouldn't be at my current job.
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At the top of my current CV (the only one with current contact details on it) is the line "I am only looking for remote working roles" in bold. Why is it that over 90% of recruiters who contact me want to place me in a role where I would have to commute to an office, mostly over an hour's drive each way? Then they wonder how they get a bad reputation? FML!4
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A call was organised with a company, by a recruiter. I was told this was a fact finding mission and that I don't need to worry.
I answer the call to hear 'Hello and welcome to your first interview'.1 -
Recruiter either quit or got fired right after my job interview. It took me two weeks to find out i blew the job interview.
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I was a pure automation QA guy. And told every recruiter that I will do pure automation.
All told truth about profile except current one.
Here I am supposed to be a QA guy with 90%manual and just 10%automation :((
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Talked with a recruiter a few times. He kept presenting jobs that were 1.5 hours away, despite how many times I told him specifically my car would not make it that far regularly.
I eventually started ignoring his calls and emails... Until he called my mom, and a former boss (reference), leaving messages with them to call him back. I don't even know how he got my mom's number.
I wrote him a very clear email after that and haven't heard from him since.1 -
Worst recruiter experience...
Found out RHT took 40% of what the company was paying me. In combination with the unfair company who ended up hiring me, the problem is...you start low and you stay low, hard to move your wage up! 🙄😌😥 -
Didn't had much experiences with recruiters, but there was one funny case.. One recruiter was trying contact me for couple of days. Emails, phone calls and sms, you name it.. I wasn't yet working as much back than, but the only reason that I've turned him down was, that he was my Officer in the army some years before and that shit seriously creeped me off...
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Recruiter left his firm to start his own, so he tried to set me up with my current company but I turned it down because it was 6k less than where I was. I would have accepted 3k less, but ended the process. A few months later, the recruiter was out of the picture and the director invited me to lunch. The recruiter was dating the owners daughter, never went back to them with my counter.
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I called a recruiter and asked to reschedule an interview because I stayed up all night working on a deadline. He begged me to go anyway but I totally bombed the interview which took place during my lunch break and ran over an hour causing more stress. By the way I didn't want to work there anyway. This is not really a recruiter rant because I should have said no to the interview in the first place.1
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I don't really have a recruiter story but this will have to cut it:
I had a meeting at a web development company for a project they were outsourcing to my company (it wasn't really their area of expertise). As we walked into the building, the person we were meeting with kept saying things like, "O, those guys probably just came back from playing foosball downstairs." or "Would anybody like a cappuccino. We have like 10 machines."
To assert my resistance to this shameless charm, I declined the coffee. First and last time I say no to coffee. -
How long does a week in devRant last? I mean the weekly rant shouldn't it get changed every week or what?4
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"We're sending you this email because we tried to reach you on your phone. We'll try again tomorrow unless you don't reply with the words 'not interested'."1
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I once listed Apple's Multi-peer Connectivity framework as a skill on a resume. To this day, I still get emails addressing me as "Multipeer."
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