Details
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AboutI hate everyone and everything. But, above all, I hate Laravel.
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SkillsJEE, JavaScript and PHP. Also Appian, and I really wish I didn't.
Joined devRant on 3/12/2019
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> CTO: I developed this product, I know it to the core! It's been stable for years, safe and rich in features, how is it even possible that things got so complicated?
The product he developed:
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The worst part is: this commit message would cost me my job, but whoever created this retarded mess of multiple responses is untouchable.
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Someone at this point MUST have realized this was excessive, and this someone kept going nonetheless
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Coding lessons 101, it shouldn't be that fucking hard to understand what a pointer is but that's where we currently stand
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I want to know the name of the evil mastermind who once conceived the "literal" function in Sequelize.
- You design a method to insert pieces of raw SQL exactly the way they are written, no further processing
- You release this method, you call it LITERAL to make sure people know its intended purpose: it is used to insert LITERALLY everything you write, nothing more and nothing less
- Then make sure this "literal" method changes the fucking case of column names. Because that's what "literal" means in the head of this rabid animal: you arbitrarily change the code written by the developer
WHY
WHY ARE ALL AR ORM DESIGNED BY FUCKING ANIMALS
ELOQUENT IS TRASH, SEQUELIZE IS TRASH, TENS OF DEVELOPERS AT WORK TO ALCHEMICALLY CREATE THE MOST ROTTEN CODE THEY POSSIBLY CAN, BECAUSE YOU MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE ANY QUERY MORE ADVANCED THAN "SELECT * FROM users WHERE id =1", NOT A FUCKING SHRED OF DOCUMENTATION AND 16 MILLION LAYERS OF ABSTRACTION TO MAKE SURE EVERY BUG FUCKING STAYS THERE, DON'T YOU DARE TO USE A JOIN, DON'T YOU DARE TO TREAT A DMBS LIKE AN ACTUAL FUCKING DBMS INSTEAD OF A HOT STEAMING PILE OF METHODS IMPLEMENTED BY MONKEYS.
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+++ THEY ARE WRITING TYPE DEFINITIONS +++
THEY ARE UNDOGGING THEMSELVES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL: THEY ARE LEARNING SOME GOOD FUCKING PRACTICES
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> barges in
> slams massive unintelligible PR on the table
> fixes a bunch of tickets all at once
> won't explain how tf it works, it just does
> refuses to elaborate further
> leaves
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- TeamLeader1: Noooo, classes in JS are fake because here and there, in NodeJS they work differently from the browser because here and there, I know it
- IHateForALiving: I'm betting 50 cents against 50 bucks that you're wrong. You in?
- TeamLeader1: Uhm... no, I don't feel like betting against you about technical issues :(
It's been a months long journey, but it finally looks like we're getting somewhere.
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THE TALE OF THE CRAZED VISIONNAIRE
Once upon a time some masochist woke up and snorted a gallon of glue. "I NEED PAIN", he shouted, and then proceeded to hammer down his own cock over an iron anvil, in an effort to uncover the most intense pain a human could experience. And yet even such a punishment was not enough, for our pain-starved hero thirsted for even higher heights. "This hammering can't satisfy my spirit", he proclaimed; "I shall find ever greater pain than what little solace these tools can provide, but it's much too hard a task for a single mortal to complete in one lifetime. And lo, I will gather around me the bravest and uncover the intense sorrow no human has ever experienced before!". And for his journey he found himself a loyal fellowship, all striving to find the ultimate pain a mortal can experience.
"But who could be crazy enough to follow a glue-fueled schizo who hammers their own genitals?", you might stupidly ask. But why, the JS community of course.
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> TeamLeader1: I just discovered SQL is actually super fast! The low responsiveness I've experienced comes from our ORM!
> IHateForALiving: well of course SQL is blazingly fast. SQL has been refined by the best engineers in the world for the past 50 years, its performances are unparalleled for everything you could possibly need, unless you want to scale REALLY big. Sequelize, instead, is an Active Record ORM, so it's bound to struggle with huge amount of data, because every single row will get attached a significant amount of black magic to make sure everything syncs correctly. Why is that?
> TeamLeader1: I have a problem with this frontend component, it doesn't allow pagination. I tried downloading the whole DB to bypass that, but the ORM is slow... so I will bypass the ORM and download the whole table with a raw query. Look at that! It works like a charm, it's super duper fast!'
This mf is downloading some 35 thousand rows every time some user loads a page because he doesn't know how to paginate the fucking table with Angular, there's no way these people are real.
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BACKLOG REFINEMENT
TeamLeader2: why did you rate this task so high? It should be easy enough
TeamLeader1: you guys have never worked with Angular. We have just started using it seriously and it's really complicated, I know it looks easy from the outside but trust me this whole framework requires a lot of work even for trivial tasks
What's that I hear in the distance? A phone ringing? Someone better pick that up, because I FUCKING CALLED IT
https://devrant.com/rants/9108342/...
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I hate so very much about so very many things, I forget some of the things I love.
And what I love is small lines of code that reveal something about their developer. This? This I love to see.
Some guy here studied C at university, decided he liked it so much he would port it over to JS. Absolutely pointless effort, but he decided he would do it nonetheless. The code is clean, documented, just with this little quirk and I'm honestly smiling. You rock, buddy, whoever you are.
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