> PM barges in
> "Have a ticket"
> something breaks in some subprocess at the core of the application
> the subprocess is some deeply intertwined, untested, undocumented, 80 files; all of them write on a globally accessible singleton with a complex system of events and RPC calls
> refuses to elaborate further
> leaves

> Americans: THOSE ENGINEER KIDS HIRED BY ELON ARE BRILLIANT AND AMBITIOUS, THEY ARE SO SKILLED, THEY'LL DO WONDERS FOR THE COUNTRY
> me, knowing full well the average dev is a retarded mongrel I wouldn't trust with a hotdog stand, without even going into the whole "Musk is a schizo" story

TeamLeader2: Mister IHateForALiving, client is reporting a bug, we need you to check out what is happening
IHateForALiving: I'm on it, anything I should know before I start?
TeamLeader2: just check the logs, they should tell you pretty much everything you need to know

The logs:

So, Postman requires you to create an account on their systems to... lemme check...
Perform HTTP requests locally.

I need to create an account to perform HTTP requests.

And the whole dev community is looking at this and say "yeah ofc it's perfectly reasonable"

And now, to nobody surprise, time to work again with Angular; all fun and games, until observables join the party.

RXJS IS RETARDED
RXJS DEVS ARE CRIMINALS
RXJS USERS ARE ACCOMPLICES

FUCK YOUR GLORIFIED EVENT EMITTER, FUCK YOUR REACTIVE PROGRAMMING PARADIGM, FUCK YOUR HALF BOTCHED ATTEMPT AT REINVENTING THE OPERATORS I GET FOR FREE FROM ANY LANGUAGE.

YOUR BEST GIFT TO THE WORLD WILL COME THE DIE YOU FINALLLY FUCKING DIE.

Men only want one thing, and it's fucking disgusting

From now on -and until further notice- I'll commit heinous crimes against each and any developer blaming GPT when their code is BAD.

YOU are in the workforce. Not GPT. YOU are responsible for the shit you write.
There is a reason GPT costs 200 bucks per month and you cost at least ten times as much. Own your mistakes, learn to code while you still have time, before the chatbot actually catches up and makes you obsolete.

Sincerely signed: the guy who straight up refuses to install copilot. I'm perfectly capable of introducing my own fair share of bugs, without relying on some autocomplete plugin.

Team Leader, once again, wagered I was wrong on a technical thing
I, once again, accepted his wager

Team Leader, once again, lost the bet.

That's 3-0 now.

- A colleague introduced a regression through an error nobody would ever think of (as in: the code broke in a way no sane person would ever guess)
- I noticed the regression in develop, tried to pull a sneaky fix to avoid causing troubles
- Permissions got switched up in the past 2 days or something, I'm not listed as a releaser anymore
- Talked to my TL, he accepted my PR but said "I can't give you the releaser role anymore"

So, I tried at the same time helping out a colleague without causing a fuss and improving the product, and lost a role in the process. Love to see it.

ooooh, this gon be god

I will never understand how some retarded angular dev will overengineer a trivial HTTP request, make it an observable and feel like they're the most clever guy on earth

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND

Overflooded with tickets about regressions, management finally gave in and instructed us to use integration tests again.

Who would have seen that one coming.

(at least half of these "regression tickets" were not regressions at all, but I'm not going to be the one spoiling the first time management actually makes the right call)

The full switch statement is actually twice as long as this thing here

Currently working on a new feature on some old undocumented part of the code born out of the bastard fork of draw.io -back when it was opensource- and without a doubt the hardest part of it all is using GIMP TO DRAW A FUCKING ICON WHICH IS THE SAME AS AN OLD ICON WITH ONE MORE LETTER ON TOP I WANT TO DISEMBOWEL WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS PIECE OF SOFTWARE

You heard it first, if the next project isn't assigned to me I hand my 2 weeks notice and push farts to master.

Enough.
Is.
Enough.

> People: Mister IHateForALiving, the external consultant who took care of the new client is about to leave :) his leader is searching for someone to help him and build the new features :) we think you should be doing it, you're very good with the frontend

I WILL NOT FIX
YOUR FUCKING
TECHNICAL DEBT

You fucking moron of a "tech lead", working like a human was free; you chose to work like a dog and encouraged the external consultant to work like a dog as well. From now until you resign, this mess is yours to clean.

What's that? The coolest mug ever? I would never.

We were delaying a feature from the roadmap because implementing it in the new client was taking it days we didn't have.
One of our devs backported everything in the old client, some undocumented clusterfuck of crusty code from 12 years ago running in AngularJS.

Oh my, if it isn't the same fucking thing I've been calling for THE ENTIRE PAST YEAR

> CTO: I developed this product, I know it to the core! It's been stable for years, safe and rich in features, how is it even possible that things got so complicated?

The product he developed:

Oooh you're such a nasty rebellious little punk, a threat to society indeed.
Get fucked.

Yes, of course I work with DDD

Desperation Driven Design

The worst part is: this commit message would cost me my job, but whoever created this retarded mess of multiple responses is untouchable.

My old comments are a mood

Love working alongside Angular devs, I wanted to add a page with a table and a modal, ended up creating something like 15 files and I'm not even halfway through, must be nice living with a brain the size of a pea.

THE CURSED SPAWN FROM 20 GENERATIONS OF INBREEDING ALL ENDED UP IN MY FUCKING COMPANY

Someone at this point MUST have realized this was excessive, and this someone kept going nonetheless

Coding lessons 101, it shouldn't be that fucking hard to understand what a pointer is but that's where we currently stand

I want to know the name of the evil mastermind who once conceived the "literal" function in Sequelize.

- You design a method to insert pieces of raw SQL exactly the way they are written, no further processing
- You release this method, you call it LITERAL to make sure people know its intended purpose: it is used to insert LITERALLY everything you write, nothing more and nothing less
- Then make sure this "literal" method changes the fucking case of column names. Because that's what "literal" means in the head of this rabid animal: you arbitrarily change the code written by the developer

WHY
WHY ARE ALL AR ORM DESIGNED BY FUCKING ANIMALS
ELOQUENT IS TRASH, SEQUELIZE IS TRASH, TENS OF DEVELOPERS AT WORK TO ALCHEMICALLY CREATE THE MOST ROTTEN CODE THEY POSSIBLY CAN, BECAUSE YOU MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE ANY QUERY MORE ADVANCED THAN "SELECT * FROM users WHERE id =1", NOT A FUCKING SHRED OF DOCUMENTATION AND 16 MILLION LAYERS OF ABSTRACTION TO MAKE SURE EVERY BUG FUCKING STAYS THERE, DON'T YOU DARE TO USE A JOIN, DON'T YOU DARE TO TREAT A DMBS LIKE AN ACTUAL FUCKING DBMS INSTEAD OF A HOT STEAMING PILE OF METHODS IMPLEMENTED BY MONKEYS.

+++ THEY ARE WRITING TYPE DEFINITIONS +++

THEY ARE UNDOGGING THEMSELVES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL: THEY ARE LEARNING SOME GOOD FUCKING PRACTICES

Voice call with the whole dev team

Former team leader: Yeah, basically we stopped using RxJS because it ended up being too complicated, every minor problem required so much code to solve :(
IHateForALiving, extremely loudly: WELL WELL WELL, GOOD FUCKING MORNING, SUNSHINE