This just made my day 😂

Hey, Root? How do you test your slow query ticket, again? I didn't bother reading the giant green "Testing notes:" box on the ticket. Yeah, could you explain it while I don't bother to listen and talk over you? Thanks.

And later:
Hey Root. I'm the DBA. Could you explain exactly what you're doing in this ticket, because i can't understand it. What are these new columns? Where is the new query? What are you doing? And why? Oh, the ticket? Yeah, I didn't bother to read it. There was too much text filled with things like implementation details, query optimization findings, overall benchmarking results, the purpose of the new columns, and i just couldn't care enough to read any of that. Yeah, I also don't know how to find the query it's running now. Yep, have complete access to the console and DB and query log. Still can't figure it out.

And later:

Hey Root. We pulled your urgent fix ticket from the release. You know, the one that SysOps and Data and even execs have been demanding? The one you finished three months ago? Yep, the problem is still taking down production every week or so, but we just can't verify that your fix is good enough. Even though the changes are pretty minimal, you've said it's 8x faster, and provided benchmark findings, we just ... don't know how to get the query it's running out of the code. or how check the query logs to find it. So. we just don't know if it's good enough.

Also, we goofed up when deploying and the testing database is gone, so now we can't test it since there are no records. Nevermind that you provided snippets to remedy exactly scenario in the ticket description you wrote three months ago.

And later:

Hey Root: Why did you take so long on this ticket? It has sat for so long now that someone else filed a ticket for it, with investigation findings. You know it's bringing down production, and it's kind of urgent. Maybe you should have prioritized it more, or written up better notes. You really need to communicate better. This is why we can't trust you to get things out.

*twitchy smile*

Nuked prod db today. Fortunatly we had backup.

Now I’m gonna change my pants

ARGH. I wrote a long rant containing a bunch of gems from the codebase at @work, and lost it.

I'll summarize the few I remember.

First, the cliche:
if (x == true) { return true; } else { return false; };
Seriously written (more than once) by the "legendary" devs themselves.

Then, lots of typos in constants (and methods, and comments, and ...) like:
SMD_AGENT_SHCEDULE_XYZ = '5-year-old-typo'

and gems like:

def hot_garbage
magic = [nil, '']
magic = [0, nil] if something_something
success = other_method_that_returns_nothing(magic)
if success == true
return true # signal success
end
end

^ That one is from our glorious self-proclaimed leader / "engineering director" / the junior dev thundercunt on a power trip. Good stuff.

Next up are a few of my personal favorites:

Report.run_every 4.hours # Every 6 hours
Daemon.run_at_hour 6 # Daily at 8am

LANG_ENGLISH = :en
LANG_SPANISH = :sp # because fuck standards, right?

And for design decisions...

The code was supposed to support multiple currencies, but just disregards them and sets a hardcoded 'usd' instead -- and the system stores that string on literally hundreds of millions of records, often multiple times too (e.g. for payment, display fees, etc). and! AND! IT'S ALWAYS A FUCKING VARCHAR(255)! So a single payment record uses 768 bytes to store 'usd' 'usd' 'usd'

I'd mention the design decisions that led to the 35 second minimum pay API response time (often 55 sec), but i don't remember the details well enough.

Also:
The senior devs can get pretty much anything through code review. So can the dev accountants. and ... well, pretty much everyone else. Seriously, i have absolutely no idea how all of this shit managed to get published.

But speaking of code reviews: Some security holes are allowed through because (and i quote) "they already exist elsewhere in the codebase." You can't make this up.

Oh, and another!
In a feature that merges two user objects and all their data, there's a method to generate a unique ID. It concatenates 12 random numbers (one at a time, ofc) then checks the database to see if that id already exists. It tries this 20 times, and uses the first unique one... or falls through and uses its last attempt. This ofc leads to collisions, and those collisions are messy and require a db rollback to fix. gg. This was written by the "legendary" dev himself, replete with his signature single-letter variable names. I brought it up and he laughed it off, saying the collisions have been rare enough it doesn't really matter so he won't fix it.

Yep, it's garbage all the way down.

I'm fixing a security exploit, and it's a goddamn mountain of fuckups.

First, some idiot (read: the legendary dev himself) decided to use a gem to do some basic fucking searching instead of writing a simple fucking query.

Second, security ... didn't just drop the ball, they shit on it and flushed it down the toilet. The gem in question allows users to search by FUCKING EVERYTHING on EVERY FUCKING TABLE IN THE DB using really nice tools, actually, that let you do fancy things like traverse all the internal associations to find the users table, then list all users whose password reset hashes begin with "a" then "ab" then "abc" ... Want to steal an account? Hell, want to automate stealing all accounts? Only takes a few hundred requests apiece! Oooh, there's CC data, too, and its encryption keys!

Third, the gem does actually allow whitelisting associations, methods, etc. but ... well, the documentation actually recommends against it for whatever fucking reason, and that whitelisting is about as fine-grained as a club. You wanna restrict it to accessing the "name" column, but it needs to access both the "site" and "user" tables? Cool, users can now access site.name AND user.name... which is PII and totally leads to hefty fines. Thanks!

Fourth. If the gem can't access something thanks to the whitelist, it doesn't catch the exception and give you a useful error message or anything, no way. It just throws NoMethodErrors because fuck you. Good luck figuring out what they mean, especially if you have no idea you're even using the fucking thing.

Fifth. Thanks to the follower mentality prevalent in this hellhole, this shit is now used in a lot of places (and all indirectly!) so there's no searching for uses. Once I banhammer everything... well, loads of shit is going to break, and I won't have a fucking clue where because very few of these brainless sheep write decent test coverage (or even fucking write view tests), so I'll be doing tons of manual fucking testing. Oh, and I only have a week to finish everything, because fucking of course.

So, in summary. The stupid and lazy (and legendary!) dev fucked up. The stupid gem's author fucked up, and kept fucking up. The stupid devs followed the first fuckup's lead and repeated his fuck up, and fucked up on their own some more. It's fuckups all the fucking way down.

Today is sprint demo day. As usual I'm only half paying attention since being a Platform Engineer, my work is always technically being "demoed" (shit's running ain't it? There you go, enjoy the EC2 instances.)

One team presents a new thing they built. I'm still half paying attention, half playing Rocket League on another monitor.

Then someone says

"We're storing in prod-db-3"

They have my curiosity.

"Storing x amount of data at y rate"

They now have my attention. I speak up "Do you have a plan to drop data after a certain period of time?"

They don't. I reply "Okay, then your new feature only has about 2 months to live before you exhaust the disk on prod-db-3 and we need to add more storage"

I am asked if we can add more storage preemptively.

"Sure, I say." I then direct my attention to the VP "{VP} I'll make the change request to approve the spend for additional volume on prod-db-3"

VP immediately balks and asks why this wasn't considered before. I calmly reply "I'm not sure. This is the first time I'm learning of this new feature even coming to life. Had anyone consulted with the Platform team we'd have made sure the storage availability was there."

VP asks product guy what happened.

"We didn't think we'd need platform resources for this so we never reached out for anything".

I calmly mute myself, turn my camera back off and go back to Rocket League as the VP goes off about planning and collaboration.

"CT we'll reach out to you next week about getting this all done"

*unmute, camera stays off* "Sounds good" *clears ball*

Biggest challenge I overcame as dev? One of many.

Avoiding a life sentence when the 'powers that be' targeted one of my libraries for the root cause of system performance issues and I didn't correct that accusation with a flame thrower.

What the accusation? What I named the library. Yep. The *name* was causing every single problem in the system.

Panorama (very, very expensive APM system at the time) identified my library in it's analysis, the calls to/from SQLServer was the bottleneck

We had one of Panorama's engineers on-site and he asked what (not the actual name) MyLibrary was and (I'll preface I did not know or involved in any of the so-called 'research') a crack team of developers+managers researched the system thoroughly and found MyLibrary was used in just about every project. I wrote the .Net 1.1 MyLibrary as a mini-ORM to simplify the execution of database code (stored procs, etc) and gracefully handle+log database exceptions (auto-logged details such as the target db, stored procedure name, parameter values, etc, everything you'd need to troubleshoot database errors). This was before Dapper and the other fancy tools used by kids these days.

By the time the news got to me, there was a team cobbled together who's only focus was to remove any/every trace of MyLibrary from the code base. Using Waterfall, they calculated it would take at least a year to remove+replace MyLibrary with the equivalent ADO.Net plumbing.

In a department wide meeting:

DeptMgr: "This day forward, no one is to use MyLibrary to access the database! It's slow, unprofessionally named, and the root cause of all the database issues."
Me: "What about MyLibrary is slow? It's excecuting standard the ADO.Net code. Only extra bit of code is the exception handling to capture the details when the exception is logged."
DeptMgr: "We've spent the last 6 weeks with the Panorama engineer and he's identified MyLibrary as the cause. Company has spent over $100,000 on this software and we have to make fact based decisions. Look at this slide ... "
<DeptMgr shows a histogram of the stacktrace, showing MyLibrary as the slowest>
Me: "You do realize that the execution time is the database call itself, not the code. In that example, the invoice call, it's the stored procedure that taking 5 seconds, not MyLibrary."
<at this point, DeptMgr is getting red-face mad>
AreaMgr: "Yes...yes...but if we stopped using MyLibrary, removing the unnecessary layers, will make the code run faster."
<typical headknodd-ers knod their heads in agreement>
Dev01: "The loading of MyLibrary takes CPU cycles away from code that supports our customers. Every CPU cycle counts."
<headknod-ding continues>
Me: "I'm really confused. Maybe I'm looking at the data wrong. On the slide where you highlighted all the bottlenecks, the histogram shows the latency is the database, I mean...it's right there, in red. Am I looking at it wrong?"
<this was meeting with 20+ other devs, mgrs, a VP, the Panorama engineer>
DeptMgr: "Yes you are! I know MyLibrary is your baby. You need to check your ego at the door and face the facts. Your MyLibrary is a failed experiment and needs to be exterminated from this system!"

Fast forward 9 months, maybe 50% of the projects updated, come across the documentation left from the Panorama. Even after the removal of MyLibrary, there was zero increases in performance. The engineer recommended DBAs start optimizing their indexes and other N+1 problems discovered. I decide to ask the developer who lead the re-write.

Me: "I see that removing MyLibrary did nothing to improve performance."
Dev: "Yes, DeptMgr was pissed. He was ready to throw the Panorama engineer out a window when he said the problems were in the database all along. Didn't you say that?"
Me: "Um, so is this re-write project dead?"
Dev: "No. Removing MyLibrary introduced all kinds of bugs. All the boilerplate ADO.Net code caused a lot of unhandled exceptions, then we had to go back and write exception handling code."
Me: "What a failure. What dipshit would think writing more code leads to less bugs?"
Dev: "I know, I know. We're so far behind schedule. We had to come up with something. I ended up writing a library to make replacing MyLibrary easier. I called it KnightRider. Like the TV show. Everyone is excited to speed up their code with KnightRider. Same method names, same exception handling. All we have to do is replace MyLibrary with KnightRider and we're done."
Me: "Won't the bottlenecks then point to KnightRider?"
Dev: "Meh, not my problem. Panorama meets primarily with the DBAs and the networking team now. I doubt we ever use Panorama to look at our C# code."

Needless to say, I was (still) pissed that they had used MyLibrary as dirty word and a scapegoat for months when they *knew* where the problems were. Pissed enough for a flamethrower? Maybe.

If nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong ~ House MD

Tl;Dr : I'm pissing the right people off and my God I like it

That's what I've known and have confirmed doing my current side project with my gf, we are working on a ratemyprofessors clone with extra spicy features, one in particular is so spicy some teachers will be put in a position in which they would rather grind hot peppers with their butt cheeks.

Don't get me wrong, there are good teachers (some of which actually showed support) but some are not good teachers and some aren't good people either; I've decided it's time to stop complaining and take action.

We recently released an alpha and I presented it to a teacher I had this semester (one of the "not so great" kind) as a DB proyect cuz fuck it I'm not doing 2 projects.

This teacher is your run of the mill "I'm lazy and I don't care" teacher and she ran the classroom like a shitty kindergarten, so much so, one of the teams was presenting a buggy admin site as their project and she started talking on the phone! Right up on their faces!!

My turn, I go up and handle her a 30 page printed thesis of my project and said that unlike my mates, I was going to start presenting the idea and then the actual software...why is it printed?, She said; Because I won't be projecting the PDF ma'am, I actually made a professional presentation and that way you can read more technical details while I give a broad overview...

I started talking about the huge issues students face and my research about it, undisciplined teachers, no class structure ~ abrupt interruption ~ "yeah I know like, you are giving so much statistics and numbahs but where is the database?"

I got pissed off because the whole purpose of printing and giving her the docs was for her to ask specific questions AT THE END! So I told her I was getting there and to ask questions at the end...I start showing off the system's sweetest features... everyone got quiet...a girl on the front row kept looking at the teacher and then back to the board with her eyes wide open, the teacher was visibly upset.

I asked someone to please help me by using the site being projected for everyone to see, he searched the teacher's name and it obviously popped up cuz I scrapped the whole teacher index site... some people gasp and others start murmuring.

She freaked and started arguing saying that frontend can't be just HTML and CSS, where did you mentioned x and y feature? admit it's just teacher evaluations! where did you get the teacher names? I want the scripts!....it went on even 10 minutes after class and the next class with a police like interrogation.

So yeah, something tells me I'm not getting an A, but I'm happy after all because that's the kind of reaction I want from those types of professors.

Worth it 😎

Java's shitshow, or why I'll never like java, the language:

The fact that you cannot read the length of an iterable at any point in time without iterating through it. Did I just read this from DB? Yes, I did. Do I know how many items I read? No. Why? Because fuck the designers of this shit language and all its shitty third-party libraries. 😠😠😠

Every once in a while, execute a SQL update query on a production DB without a where clause.

Well, for starters there was a cron to restart the webserver every morning.

The product was 10+ years old and written in PHP 5.3 at the time.

Another cron was running every 15 minutes, to "correct" data in the DB. Just regular data, not from an import or something.
Gotta have one of those self-healing systems I guess.

Yet another cron (there where lots) did run everyday from 02:00 to 4ish to generate the newest xlsx report. Almost took out the entire thing every time. MySQL 100%. CPU? Yes. RAM? You bet.

Lucky I wasn't too much involved at the time. But man, that thing was the definition of legacy.

Fun fact: every request was performed twice! First request gave the already logged-in client an unique access-token. Second request then processed the request with the (just issued) access-token; which was then discarded. Security I guess.

I don't know why it was build this way. It just was. I didn't ask. I didn't wanted to know. Some things are better left undisturbed. Just don't anger the machine. I became superstitious for a while. I think, in the end, it help a bit: It feels like communicating with an alien monster but all you have is a trumpet and chewing gum. Gentle does it.

Oh and "Sencha Extjs 3" almost gave me PTSD lol (it's an ancient JS framework). Followed by SOAPs WSDL cache. And a million other things.

I worked once in a company which had this tourist app which should show places on map of the city. Unfortunately it slowed the App down to load more then a couple of places. Their solution was to limit the number of loaded places to teb and prohibited zomming out. I made it handle thousands of places at the same time. Main reason for the Performance issue was, that they sent all data they had about places big, big json objects with large text blobs) to the frontend. This part was easy, I instead sent only the data needed for the map like coordinates and icon type obviously. But still the backend struggeled hard with many objects from the DB, because they built a really shitty orm or what ever this was supposed to be: every line of data retrieved from the DB was immideatly wrapped in some class wich direved from another class which had some magic methods in it which caused some absurd loops over all other obejcts and even more DB queries in unexpected moments and also in the fucking constructor. So it turrned out that the map issue was only the top of the iceberg, since using any data from the DB was extremely expensive. The hard part was to understand the insaness of this abnormination and find the bottlenecks.

Imagine saving Integers and Floats in a MySQL table as strings containing locale based thousand sepatators...
man... fickt das hart!

Wait, there's more!
Imagine storing a field containing list of object data as a CSV in a single table column instead of using JSON format or a separate DB table.... and later parsing it by splitting the CSV string on ";"...

Urgh, fucking excel!
Why the fuck can't you handle a few thousand calculations you dumb ass piece of shit.

I am this close to... fuck, it crashed. 🤦‍♂️

I fucking give up.
Time to strap this data to a DB instead.

Forgot to secure my mongo db instance, found half the data gone, and a new db holding me at ransom , learn_how_to_recover_your_data , good thing offline backups are a thing.

Recovered in no time, never will I ever repeat this mistake

Some mother fucker decides to change production application db credentials…wtf man🤒🤦🏿🤦🏿🤦🏿

Not the worst, but probably the only one I can sort of explain & not get into trouble for NDA breach..

Umm.. here it goes.. wrong id returned from db procedure, tried to do something on db with that id and got exception that the id doesn't exist. Instead of checking why the procedure returns nonexistent id, he just wrapped everything in try catch without any logs.. & of course, didn't tell anyone about this.. o.0

I know, I know, code review could have prevented this, but holy fuck..
Guy's cv had more experience than I have now, so at the time, I didn't think I'd have to check every line of code he wrote, especially not for shit like this.

"So Alecx, how did you solve the issues with the data provided to you by hr for <X> application?"

Said the VP of my institution in charge of my department.

"It was complex sir, I could not figure out much of the general ideas of the data schema since it came from a bunch of people not trained in I.T (HR) and as such I had to do some experiments in the data to find the relationships with the data, this brought about 4 different relations in the data, the program determined them for me based on the most common type of data, the model deemed it a "user", from that I just extracted the information that I needed, and generated the tables through Golang's gorm"

VP nodding and listening intently...."how did you make those relationships?" me "I started a simple pattern recognition module through supervised mach..." VP: Machine learning, that sounds like A.I

Me: "Yes sir, it was, but the problem was fairly easy for the schema to determ.." VP: A.I, at our institution, back in my day it was a dream to have such technology, you are the director of web tech, what is it to you to know of this?"

Me: "I just like to experiment with new stuff, it was the easiest rout to determine these things, I just felt that i should use it if I can"

VP: "This is amazing, I'll go by your office later"

Dude speaks wonders of me. The idea was simple, read through the CSV that was provided to me, have the parsing done in a notebook, make it determine the relationships in the data and spout out a bunch of JSON that I could use. Hook it up to a simple gorm golang script and generate the tables for that. Much simpler than the bullshit that we have in php. I used this to create a new database since the previous application had issues. The app will still have a php frontend and backend, but now I don't leave the parsing of the data to php, which quite frankly, php sucks for imho. The Python codebase will then create the json files through the predictive modeling (98% accuaracy) and then the go program will populate the db for me.

There are also some node scripts that help test the data since the data is json.

All in all a good day of work. The VP seems scared since he knows no one on this side of town knows about this kind of tech. Me? I am just happy I get to experiment. Y'all should have seen his face when I showed him a rather large app written in Clojure, the man just went 0.0 when he saw Lisp code.

I think I scare him.

A gigantic codebase of several tens of millions of loc [prolly hundreds of mill's as we don't see all of it] in java EE.

Very complex business logic where bells have their own whistles with their own bells with .... You get it.

Very fine-tuned performance to make app so performant that the only bottleneck becomes the db. The beefiest rds instance becomes too laggy [orm, so sqls are immutable]

Client moves to rewrite the whole thing in PHP. Motivation: lower TTM

:facepalm:

I just told my director that the solution for a particular problem that we have involves Machine Learning. For which I had already applied a VERY small app to make sense of an old database to make a NEW one since the old one broke every notion of how a db is supposed to be set (meaning that I recreated the project from scratch)

And on the same message I told him that I was not willing to do it using M.L since I was not paid enough to bring this level of heat to the institution.

Normalize telling mfkers that your skills are worth more.

I am paid well, but not enough to out of the blue tell mfkers that my ml based algo can save them./

Fuck em, fuck em hard, fuck em good, fuck em without even using spit.

I don't do this shit because I am paSSiOnate, since there lies the trap: "I mean, I love it so I guess I can do it, I do this on my free time either way" <---- no bitch, shit is expensive on the real world, don't do that wtf is the matter with you? *slaps* companies don't see it as a: "oh shit, employee X can do this! value!" they see it as "greaaaaat, I can save money on this", so fuck em.

Normalize it, y'all are wizards, advisors of kings, no company today survives without I.T. About motherfucking time y'all bitches take this shit by the horns and do with it what you want.

People form third world countries that need work: shit don't apply to you, currently, but we will make it apply to you on the rising, my kings, stay strong.

in my native language.

mongo = "expensive"

Mongo DB

😂

Reading a paper on DBMS architectures, and I quote:

"In the seventies, the scientific discussion
in the database (DB) area was dominated
by heavy arguments concerning the most
suitable data model, sometimes called a
religious war."

... and here I thought language argument was a religious war. :/

Today another story in this stupid company:
A freelancer created a feature to pay orders online . It took him 3 months (!)
Problem: sometimes people pay, but orders are not stored. Every morning, it takes 1 hour to check in db if the orders are stored, and if not, create them manualy
Yes, orders are created after payment.
Manager wants to fix it by creating the order before the payment, in 3 days (!)
Turns out that the freelancer has written a lot of obsolete code, I now have to clean up. 3 fucking months vs 3 fucking days!
And on top, the shoppingcart was stored in localstorage! (Already fixed by now)
Fuck this, I'm getting another wodka

I was cleaning up dangling images in docker, and I accidentally removed the production database container as well.

Its not a big issue, I can just up the container back and everything should be fine. But after I up the container and connected to the database, I found out there's no data inside. I thought I fucked up, and sent msg in slack channel that I nuked the db.

Later my friend asked me which compose file I am using and that's when I realized I used the wrong config to up the db. Used the correct config to up the database again and everything goes back to normal.

It's friday evening and if I really dropped the db it would be fucking bad weekend....

Okay so my brother in law has a laptop that is... To put it mildly, chockful of viruses of all sort, as it's an old machine still running w7 while still being online and an av about 7 years out of date.

So my bro in law (let's just call him my bro) asked me to install an adblock.

As I launched chrome and went to install it, how ever, the addon page said something like "Cannot install, chrome is managed by your company" - wtf?

Also, the out of date AV couldn't even be updated as its main service just wouldn't start.

Okay, something fishy going on... Uninstalled the old av, downloaded malware bytes and went to scan the whole pc.

Before I went to bed, it'd already found >150 detections. Though as the computer is so old, the progress was slow.

Thinking it would have enough time over night, I went to bed... Only to find out the next morning... It BSoD'd over night, and so none of the finds were removed.

Uuugh! Okay, so... Scanning out of a live booted linux it is I thought! Little did I know how much it'd infuriate me!

Looking through google, I found several live rescue images from popular AV brands. But:
1 - Kaspersky Sys Rescue -- Doesn't even support non-EFI systems

2 - Eset SysRescue -- Doesn't mount the system drive, terminal emulator is X64 while the CPU of the laptop is X86 meaning I cannot run that. Doesn't provide any info on username and passwords, had to dig around the image from the laptop I used to burn it to the USB drive to find the user was, in fact, called eset and had an empty password. Root had pass set but not in the image shadow file, so no idea really. Couldn't sudo as the eset user, except for the terminal emulator, which crashes thanks to the architecture mismatch.
3 - avast - live usb / cd cannot be downloaded from web, has to be installed through avast, which I really didn't want to install on my laptop just to make a rescue flash drive
4 - comodo - didn't even boot due to architecture mismatch

Fuck it! Sick and tired of this, I'm downloading Debian with XFCE. Switched to a tty1 after kernel loads, killed lightdm and Xserver to minimize usb drive reads, downloaded clamav (which got stuck on man-db update. After 20 minutes... I just killed it from a second tty, and the install finished successfully)

A definitions update, short manual skimover, and finally, got scanning!

Only... It's taking forever and not printing anything. Stracing the clamscan command showed it was... Loading the virus definitions lol... Okay, it's doing its thing, I can finally go have dinner

Man I didn't know x86 support got so weak in the couple years I haven't used Linux on a laptop lol.

IT CAN'T BE THAT HARD

1) A CONTROLLER RETURNS HTTP RESPONSES, computed using data received from
2) A SERVICE\MANAGER\YOURMOTHER, which fetches data from a DB\external service\whatever

LITERALLY 2 FUCKING STEPS. I'LL TAKE THAT "SENIOR" IN YOUR TITLE AND CHISEL IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD SO YOU'LL REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN YOU COMMIT THIS FUCKING GARBAGE

So about two months ago in my consulting firm I was asked to replace a colleague on a project (node and Angular). The project is only a few months old but it’s already a total clusterfuck. DB is very poorly designed. It’s supposed to be a relational database but there’s not a trace of a foreign key or any key for that matter and I’ve seen joins like tableA.name = tableB.description (seriously, that’s your relation??). The code is a mess with entire blocks of code copied from another project and many parts of the code aren’t even used. He didn’t even bother renaming variables so they would make sense in the context they were shamelessly thrown into. The code is at best poorly typed if not typed at all.

During our dailies I sometimes express my frustration with my other colleagues as I very politely allude to my predecessor’s code as being hard to work with. (They are all “good friends" with him). I always get the same response from my colleagues: "yeah but you’ve gotta understand Billybob was under a lot of pressure. The user stories were not well defined. He didn’t have time to do a proper job". That type of response just makes me boil inside.

Because you think I have time to deal with this shit? You don’t think I’m working with the same client and his user stories that are barely intelligible? How long does it take to write type definitions for parameters going into a function? That’s right, 30 seconds at most? Maybe a minute if it’s a more elaborate object? How much time do you think you’ll save yourself with a properly typed function or better yet an interface? Hard to tell but certainly A LOT MORE than those 30 seconds you lost (no, the 30 seconds you INVESTED) in writing that interface!!!

FUCK people with their excuses! Never tell me you don’t have time to do a proper job! You’ve wasted HOURS of my time just because you were too fucking lazy to type your functions, too lazy to put just a little more thought into designing your tables, too lazy to rename a variable so that it’s name actually makes sense where it’s being used. It’s not because you were short on time. You’re just lazy!
FUCK!!!!!!

Well, didn't know handling a hundred million records out of db is going to be this hard...

There is a commercially sold ERP solution that has it's DB schema in excel and Other documentations in MS Word. And its not even properly structured, no schema diagrams, last updated for a 4 year old major release 😒😫.
I have to develop a custom module for it and that requires building an ActivexDLL Project in VB fucking 6 😭😭 .

VB6
Unstructured Documentation
Legacy code
Incomplete documentation
FML

Tell me if you want ss in comments.

FUCK YOU TO GODDAMN MICROSERVICE ARCHITECTURE!

I just want to be able to extensively test stuff on my machine before shipping it instead of being able to test it only partially because shit depends of tons of stuff unavailable locally, get dozens of messages from teammates when unforseeable circumstances (bad data items on the shared noSQL DB created by other services which makes mine fail, cloud issues...) makes my service return 500 and then struggle in tracing the problem because there they're just too many layers of shit to manually inspect.

I can't wait to move towards iOS or desktop development.

TL;DR; do your best all you like, strive to be the #1 if you want to, but do not expect to be appreciated for walking an extra mile of excellence. You can get burned for that.

They say verbalising it makes it less painful. So I guess I'll try to do just that. Because it still hurts, even though it happened many years ago.

I was about to finish college. As usual, the last year we have to prepare a project and demonstrate it at the end of the year. I worked. I worked hard. Many sleepless nights, many nerves burned. I was making an android app - StudentBuddy. It was supposed to alleviate students' organizational problems: finding the right building (city plans, maps, bus schedules and options/suggestions), the right auditorium (I used pictures of building evac plans with classes indexed on them; drawing the red line as the path to go to find the right room), having the schedule in-app, notifications, push-notifications (e.g. teacher posts "will be 15 minutes late" or "15:30 moved to aud. 326"), homework, etc. Looots of info, loooots of features. Definitely lots of time spent and heaps of new info learned along the way.

The architecture was simple. It was a server-side REST webapp and an Android app as a client. Plenty of entities, as the system had to cover a broad spectrum of features. Consequently, I had to spin up a large number of webmethods, implement them, write clients for them and keep them in-sync. Eventually, I decided to build an annotation processor that generates webmethods and clients automatically - I just had to write a template and define what I want generated. That worked PERFECTLY.

In the end, I spun up and implemented hundreds of webmethods. Most of them were used in the Android app (client) - to access and upsert entities, transition states, etc. Some of them I left as TBD for the future - for when the app gets the ADMIN module created. I still used those webmethods to populate the DB.

The day came when I had to demonstrate my creation. As always, there was a commission: some high-level folks from the college, some guests from businesses.

My turn to speak. Everything went great, as reversed. I present the problem, demonstrate the app, demonstrate the notifications, plans, etc. Then I describe at high level what the implementation is like and future development plans. They ask me questions - I answer them all.

I was sure I was going to get a 10 - the highest score. This was by far the most advanced project of all presented that day!

Other people do their demos. I wait to the end patiently to hear the results. Commission leaves the room. 10 minutes later someone comes in and calls my name. She walks me to the room where the judgement is made. Uh-oh, what could've possibly gone wrong...?

The leader is reading through my project's docs and I don't like the look on his face. He opens the last 7 pages where all the webmethods are listed, points them to me and asks:
LEAD: What is this??? Are all of these implemented? Are they all being used in the app?
ME: Yes, I have implemented all of them. Most of them are used in the app, others are there for future development - for when the ADMIN module is created
LEAD: But why are there so many of them? You can't possibly need them all!
ME: The scope of the application is huge. There are lots of entities, and more than half of the methods are but extended CRUD calls
LEAD: But there are so many of them! And you say you are not using them in your app
ME: Yes, I was using them manually to perform admin tasks, like creating all the entities with all the relations in order to populate the DB (FTR: it was perfectly OK to not have the app completed 100%. We were encouraged to build an MVP and have plans for future development)
LEAD: <shakes his head in disapproval>
LEAD: Okay, That will be all. you can return to the auditorium

In the end, I was not given the highest score, while some other, less advanced projects, were. I was so upset and confused I could not force myself to ask WHY.

I still carry this sore with me and it still hurts to remember. Also, I have learned a painful life lesson: do your best all you like, strive to be the #1 if you want to, but do not expect to be appreciated for walking an extra mile of excellence. You can get burned for that.

There are a couple:

A system that updates user accounts to connect them into our wifi system by parsing thousands of processing files written in Clojure. The project was short lived and mainly experimental, It has complete test cases and the jar generated from it is still purring silently on the main application. It was used to replace an $85k vendor application that made no fucking sense. The code has not been touched in 2 years and the jar is still there. The dba mentioned the solution to the vendor, the vendor tried buying it from me, but being that it belongs to the institution nothing was touched, still, it got the VP's attention that I can make programs that would be bought for that level, it caught his attention even more when I showed him the codebase and he recognized a Lisp variant (he is old, and was back in the day a Fortran and Cobol developer)

A small Python categorical ML program that determines certain attributes of user generated data and effectively places them on the proper categories on the main DB. The program generates estimates of the users and the predictions have a 95% correctness rate. The DBA still needs to double check the generated results before doing the db updates. I don't remember how I coded it because I was mostly drunk when I experiment on the scenario. It also got the attention of the VP and director since the web tech manager was apparently doing crazy ML shit that they were not expecting me to do, it made them paranoid that I would eventually leave for a ML role somewhere, still here, but I want more moneys!!

A program that generates PDF documentation from user data, written in Go, Python and Perl (yes Perl) I even got shit from the lead developer since I used languages outside of their current scope of work. Dude had no option but to follow along with it :P since I am his boss

Many more. I am normally proud of my work code. But my biggest moment is my current ntural language processing unit that I am trying to code for my home, but I don't have enough power to build it with my computers, currently, my AI is too stupid, but sometimes it does reply back to my commands and does the things I ask it to do (simple things, opening a browser, search for a song etc) but 7 times out of ten it wont work :P

Started a new job as junior developer. One of my first task was to sent a simple notification on an event in out product. Write the code, test that it works, push to devops.

Code compiles, tests pass, it’s deployed to internal test env. Check that my notification works in the test env. No problem.

It’s deployed to the customers test environment. It works and customer accepts it for prod.

We release to prod and of course it fails. Seems to be a simple string.Format that fails for god knows why. After 3h of debugging on prod without success we decide to roll it back.

Today we decided to try it on a backup of the prod db since one of the strings was taken from the db. Still working. No matter what data I input when trying it locally it still wont reproduce the issue we saw on prod.

Fuck this

we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.

his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.

I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him

Was working on a system we planned on to deliver to a hospital
basically it was meant for controlling and monitoring pactions coming in and attendance time from the staff

Got it off the ground well and got to where the system was supposed to update room status
occupied/free then horror started
the db was not setting the room free after clearing a client off the list... room remained occupied and this kept on happening for 6 months and I was so focused on fixing the db models thinking thats where the problem was....

1 day after leaving the project for several months i just revisited the project randomly and started going through the whole code base trying to make sense of what was happening as there where no errors generated..
I had to verify the whole system logic... and that day i figured out what was happening...
upon adding a client to a room the system was also creating a duplicate room so when the function for setting the room free executes it would set the duplicate room free and not the actual room and the system would pick the room with occupied state causing the user not being able to assign new pactions to the room

Solving this brought so much relief coz it required so much work just to solve what seemed to be a minor issue

> Startup: ok listen up, we got this super cool thing we want to do with Twilio. Doesn't get any easier: some calls to book a restaurant, you ask for booking data and save that on some db.
> iHateForALiving: I'm on it. We got a couple weeks of development, never worked with Twilio, but should be easy enough
> Startup: Hold it big guy, we can't just write code like this. There's this OTHER developer with a super cool framework he wrote himself, it supports OAuth2 and multitenancy, written in Huskell, microservices to authenticate several apps all working concurrently in our environment, some orchestrator, cloud computing on AWS, you're going to love it. There's this Postman project with 200-something calls (the ones I need for my project, one and only consumer for those APIs, are 5 including the login)
> iHateForALiving: You are aware you'll have approximately six clients and they'll pay some 30 bucks each per month, aren't you?
> Startup: You don't understand, this infrastructure is CRITICAL for the future of our company
> ffwd 6 months
> iHateForALiving: guys we had this 2 weeks project and it's taking months, I'm ready, what is going on there?
> Startup: someone killed our DB, the OTHER developer pushed on git the access credentials :(

THE FULL MOON IS DRAWING NEAR AND THE FUCKING WERECODERS STRIKE AGAIN!

In August 2021 I asked my bosses for a raise for my extra work that I done for the last 6 months to create the first 4 microservices in the company and deploy them in production on a new infrastructure that is cloud based.
Today 27/01/2022 they reported how happy they are of me and that they will take my proposal *in consideration*.
Now i am searching for a new job.

Funny part: I am simple guy if they would have given me a NAS from Synology with lot of space as a reward I would actually have been happy.

P.S. jokes on them, i left 4 easter eggs hidden in the app, pipeline, db and user manual.

So I made an update to my React Native app. I changed UI of a couple of screen, added a few animations here and there, refactored how my graphQL resolvers work in the backend(no breaking changes), changed how data gets loaded into the database etc.

It worked in dev so I figured hey let's deploy it. Today is(was because it's now 3am but more on that later) a national holiday so no one goes to work so no one will use my app so I have an entire day to deploy.

I started at 15:00(because i woke up at 13:00 lol). I tested the update once again in dev and proceeded to deploy it to prod. I merged backend to master, built docker images, did migrations on the db, restarted docker-compose with new images. And now for the app. I run ./gradlew assembleRelease and it starts complaining that react-native-gesture-handler is not installed. Ugh, rm -rf node_modules && yarn install. It worked. But now gradlew crashes and logs don't tell me anything. Google tells me to change a bunch of gradle settings but none of them work. Fast forward 5h, it's around 20:00 and I isolated the issue to, again, react-native-gesture-handler. They updated from 2.2.4 to 2.3.0 which didn't fucking compile. 2 more hours passed (now 22:00) and I got v2.3.1 working which fixed the problem in 2.3.0 but made my app crash on startup. YOUR FUCKING LIBRARY GETS 250K WEEKLY DOWNLOADS AND YOU DONT EVEN BOTHER CHECKING IF IT COMPILES IN PROD ON ANDROID?! WHAT THE FUCK software-mansion?

After I solved that, my app didn't crash. Now it threw an error "Type errors: Network Request Failed" every time I fetch my legacy REST API(older parts use rest and newer use graphql. I'll refactor that in the next update). I'll spare you the debugging hell i went through but another 5h passed. Its 3am. My config had misspelled url to prod but good for dev... I hate myself and even more so react-native-gesture-handler.

GraphQL fans, please read the whole rant until you jump in the comments.

I get it, when you have multiple data sources (that aren't always proper databases), your stuff is relevant.

But most of the people use GraphQL when they have a single database. In that case, native joins are always faster than GraphQL dataloader N + 1 BS you have. It takes less time and less code to go to the backend and write an endpoint for the frontend with a DB query than write several GraphQL ones on the frontend and then combine the data with imperative JS. It will work faster too.

So why the fuck should I use GraphQL at all?

Def not dev oriented.

I am a huge fan of trading card games. It started with Yu Gi Oh, moved on to Magic, even tried, LoTR when it was a thing, tried algo Star Wars the original CCG (loved it), Duel Masters (when it was still in the U.S) Pokemon (of fucking course) and other more uncommon ones like Cardfight Vanguard, tried latino only games (Mitos y leyendas, Myths & Legends, this one is king on my list) and Flesh & Blood. But as a mexican kid, I was always a fan of fucking dragon ball, like most mexican kids.

SO I bought some cards from the newest game expansion. the owner of the TCG/anime store told me that if I was willing to play that I should hang out on tuesdays.
So, learning the rules of the game, and wanting to play with other people, I went there on a tuesday.
The MTG people were there fighting amongst themselves for some reason. the Pokemon people were there also, just opening packs without playing. A rather large table was there with a bunch of people playing a game that I did not recognize. And then there was me. I was chilling on my phone thinking that the DB dudes would show up eventually. nothing, so I just sat there waiting.
Suddenly a dude comes to the large table and starts pairing people for a "tournament" and once they are all sited he notices that 1 is missing, he walks up to me holding a store app and asks me "sorry bro, are you here to play with us by any chance?" to which I say "I do not think so, I came here for DB but I don't know what you guys are playing"
The dude looks down on his app, somehow actually sad and says "man I do play DB, but I don't think I have my cards with me, maybe, let me see" and he goes on to see if he brought something.

This was green flag n 1. the dude wanted to just play something with someone. And was doing something to not LEAVE someone behind. then quick as hell another says "well, why don't we give him a deck and he can play with us! we can teach him!" and I say "well what are you lads playing?" and he says "digimon man you like the anime? a new release came about! it's sick man it would be awesome if you play!"

Second green flag, another member of that community was happy for the idea of increasing the membership and actively did something to increase the population.

So, I hanged out with them. Close knit group, all friends from a long time, but willing to take an unfamiliar (and rather handsome) face with them.

My face when (MFW) the DB dudes where not there, so the digimon group adopted me.

I know have over.....2000 cards, most of them were gifted to me by them after they saw my chops and tough me how to play, by graciously lending me their decks.

This my lads, is what humanity is about. We got close fast, it has been 2 weeks of just chilling with them at the game lounge, just nice people, all of them really. Not a single angry moment or anything, you pull a crazy combo on them and they legit sheeeeeeeesh and applaud them, they don't care about loosing, they just want to have a good time, and this, this is a good crowd to be at.

Strive to make people feel welcomed. Being nice to others, taking a chance on people you deem to be ok, is fine really. It is rather cool. Anyone can be a salty asshole, but it takes a real king to be nice to others just for the sake of having a good time.

These dudes, they are gold. And I finally have something to take my mind away from work and other things that increase my anxiety and stress. I would much rather be there shooting the shit with the lads and playing games than at home, drinking the night away to relieve stress.

Kings

Am I the only engineer that has a terrible time with relationships(not db relationship lol) I get so caught up in work.

How do y’all manage?

6 months exactly into my development career. Finally starting to understand the product and feel like I’m finally getting the hang of stuff. Then a DB task comes up and I feel like I’m back at square one.

F**k companies who's apps use MySQL/MariaDB tables of the table engine MEMORY.

Seriously.

That engine *sucks* to work with as an admin. It's such a huge pain in the ass having to always dump the whole DB instead of taking a snapshot.

And if the replica restarts... Poof. Replication breaks. Cuz all the memory tables are suddenly empty!

Fml. Fmfl. Ugh.

For the love of god, why in the world are coworkers so prone to overflow with pointless informations? I don’t care about which db you use when I am a frontend, just tell me the f*cking endpoint to use ffs! Nor I care about the FE framework when I’m working on the be and most of all I don’t care about the reason behind a formula you use to calculate a freaking param, give me the goddamn formula or its name 🙄

Please tell me I’m not the only one getting triggered by coworkers explaining useless things, cause lately it’s so annoying

To save storage space, make firstname and lastname their own table.

DB clusters are essentially “apes together strong”.

Fuck sequelize, the bloody query generated by the "ORM" give diferent result on the same DB if you trie it on dBeaver (works fine) vs node (shit results).

order DESC have 0 effect on sequelize, but it appears on the logger as part of the query.

I just want to go to sleep ffs.

More and more, I am getting frustrated/depressed from the attitude of our customers who complain, moan and get angry about issues in their infrastructure, while at the same time, refusing to pay more so the issues could be mitigated.

Like, a client's angry with us today for having one of their non-production-critical databases inaccessible for... Hmm... About 8 hours now (So a whole workday).

Like... I get it, some of your employees couldn't work with it offline, but like... What the hell do we do? You keep data from as far back as several years ago in there, without partitioning, without exports, in a mix of innodb and myisam, so when the DB crashes, and its replication has to be reset from zero, reimporting all the data takes hours upon hours, and importing .sql files just takes time.

Or another client who got angry when their app fell out of the internet, cuz one of their myisam-based log tables crashed, and had to be repaired, with data spanning several years back, meaning it took hours to fix...

The more I work with these "basic" and "simple" infrastructure designs that is *not* redundant, or HA, the more I wonder -- How do the big names out there do it? How do you design systems with fault tolerance so a single DB table crash doesn't lead to the whole app getting inaccessible?

We have... One, exactly one, client, who uses MariaDB with Gallera, and that cluster is *amazing*, it just keeps chugging along, without a care in the world. But it cost them quite a lot, as they had to buy 3 DB servers, instead of 1...

my client has the most ridiculous tech stack for displaying an admin ui website I've ever seen.

* They have a mssql as db (on a separate machine)
* node js backend followed by a nuxt js backend (why???)
* then a nginx and on yet another server an apache

Can I just say, I owe my soul, nerves and eternal gratitude to the folk over at Percona? They publish articles that have, on more than one occasion, saved my hide when a DB node wasn't working as it should, and I had to find out how to fix that.

Seriously, amazing, love those guys!

Like 4 years ago I worked in a company as IT that used a windows desktop app with SQL Server 2008 (yep that old) to manage their sales, this app was written in WPF, the app was good because it was customizable with reports

One day the boss wanted to keep extra some data in the customer invoice, so they contacted the app developers to add this data to the invoice, so they they did it, but it in their own way, because the didn't modify the app itself(even if it was an useful idea for the app and companies that use it) they just used other unused fields in the invoice to keep this data and one of the field that the boss was interested was currency rate, later I verified in the DB this rate was saved as string in the database

The boss was not interested in reports because he just wanted to test it first and let time to know what the boss will need in the reports, so at the of the year they will contact again the devs to talk about the reports

So is the end of that year and the boss contacted the devs to talk about the reports of the invoices using the currency rate, this rate was just printed in the invoice nothing more, that's what the boss wanted that's what's the devs did, but when asked to do the reports they said they could'nt because the data was saved as string in the DB o_O

Well, that was one the most stupid excuses I ever heard...

So I started to digging on it and I found why... and the reason is that they were just lazy, at the end I did it but it took some work and the main the problem was that the rate was saved like this 1,01 here we use comma for decimal separator but in SQL you must use the dot (.) as decimal separator like this 1.01, also there was a problem with exact numbers, for example if the rate was exactly 1, that data must be saved just 1 in the field, but it was saved as 1,00 so not just replace all the commas with dots, it's also delete all ,00 and with all that I did the reports for my boss and everyone was happy

Some programmers just want to do easy things...

So i have been thinking..
SQL is a lang that runs on a specific software on the server, and helps creating data stores(databases and tables) that can be queried & manipulated.

is there a way to run sql like queries on the client side with no interaction from backend at all?

Say i have 5 inter related data models. in a backend world, they will form nice little tables of a db with all their joins and composite keys. from the server, i shall be querying them like "SELECT name from x where y=z & ..."

but what if i could store them like tables in browser memory and run the same query filters via a query language... is this possible?

i know this poses a certain security risk, but we already use cookies, local storage and a lot of json based shitty client side storages. surely it might be possible to have a lesser optimised sql tables on the frontend with extremely good querying capabilities?

or am i talking something far fetched here?

I had a pretty good year! I've gone from being a totally unknown passionate web dev to a respected full stack dev. This will be a bit lengthy rant...
Best:
- Got my first full time employment dev role at a company after being self-taught for 8+ years at the start of the year. Finally got someone to take the risk of hiring someone who's "untested" and only done small and odd jobs professionally. This kickstarted my career, super grateful for that!
- Started my own programming consulting company.
- Gained enough confidence to apply to other jobs, snatched a few consulting jobs, nailed the interviews even though I never practiced any leet code.
- Currently work as a 99% remote dev (only meet up in person during the initialization of some projects.) I never thought working remotely could actually work this well. I am able to stay productive and actually focus on the work instead of living up to the 9-5 standard. If I want to go for a walk to think I can do that, I can be as social and asocial as I want. I like to sleep in and work during the night with a cup of tea in the dark and it's not an issue! I really like the freedom and I feel like I've never been more productive.
- Ended up with very happy customers and now got a steady amount of jobs rolling in and contracts are being extended.
- I learned a lot, specialized in graph databases, no more db modelling hell. Loving it!
- Got a job where I can use my favorite tools and actually create something from scratch which includes a lot of different fields. I am really happy I can use all my skills and learn new things along the way, like data analysis, databricks, hadoop, data ingesting, centralised auth like promerium and centralised logging.
- I also learned how important softskills are, I've learned to understand my clients needs and how to both communicate both as a developer and an entrepeneur.
Worst:
- First job had a manager which just gave me the specifications solo project and didn't check in or meet me for 8 weeks with vague specifications. Turns out the manager was super biased on how to write code and wanted to micromanage every aspect while still being totally absent. They got mad that I had used AJAX for requests as that was a "waste of time".
- I learned the harsh reality of working as a contractor in the US from a foreign country. Worked on an "indefinite" contract, suddenly got a 2 day notification to sum up my work (not related to my performance) after being there for 7+ months.
- I really don't like the current industry standard when it comes to developing websites (I mostly work in node.js), I like working with static websites (with static website generators like what the Svelte.js driver) and use a REST API for dynamic content. When working on the backend there's a library for everything and I've wasted so many hours this year to fix bugs and create workarounds related to dependencies. You need to dive into a rabbit hole for every tool and do something which may work or break something later. I've had so many issues with CICD and deployment to the cloud. There's a library for everything but there's so many that it's impossible to learn about the edge cases of everything. Doesn't help that everything is abstracted away, which works 90% of the time but I use 15 times the time to debug things when a bug appears. I work against a black box which may or may not have an up to date documentation and it's so complex that it will require you to yell incantations from the F#$K
era and sacrifice a goat for it to work properly.
- Learned that a lot of companies call their complex services "microservices". Ah yes, the microservice with 20 endpoints which all do completely unrelated tasks?

How do you feel about not creating database tables for objects that only exist in relations?

For example, I have made a wiki engine. Because nothing on wiki pages can actually change, they aren't an entity. Revisions are an entity, and they refer to the title of the page which was changed. The same application also includes two non-version-controlled directed graphs between the pages (element of category and navigation log), which are represented by tables that link two titles. Of course the indexes are all set up so that it works like a foreign key would, but there is no Page or Article table.

My fellow developer was given a responsibility of writing unit test cases.
And instead of mocking the db calls he ended up making actual calls to db and adding realtime data to firestore everytime a test runs. Also he used mocha for the same. When i told him that we need to mock the db calls he said he will use sinon.js for the same and for code coverage his plans were to use istanbul.
I was like FUCKKKKKKK. , why the fk you aren't using jest. I mean whyyyyyyyy. WHAT THE FK

Question.. architecting a large system. I’ve broken it down to microservices for the DB and rest API / gateway

I want there to be some some processes that run continuously not event driven via rest. Say analytics for example what is the best way todo that? Just another service running on on a server? And said service has its own API? That when the other rest APIs are called could then hop and call the new service?

Or say we had a PDF upload via rest should that service then do the parsing before uploading to DB .. or should the rest api that does the uploading then call another rest api to another service dedicated todo the parsing and uploading to the db?

I think the bigger way to explain the question is the encapsulation between DAL.. data access layer which I have existing.. but then there’s the BLL .. buisness logic layer which I don’t know if it should have its own APIs via own microservices running in the background.

Isn’t it delightful when you come in to a large project to discover that they have a large underlying core that no one wants to touch but everyone relies on.

Quickly perusing the code you realize that the base was clearly created by someone who found their first tutorials for Java, but were previously a c developer.

It’s funny cause this code is of course from ~20 years ago and in different sections you can tell they were a C developer, a business admin, a Db admin, a junior conforming to pressures from others.

I recently looked at the deep rooted abuses of Java beans, and this entire internally created state management engine that serves no purpose but to create contrived complexity.

The use of propriety tools, that they paid lots for that perform incredibly simple tasks that have long since been solved by the open source community. Many of which are long defunct.

And the constant focus is on monkey patching the engine to solve small issues, which bloat the time to deal with issues. Since everything needs to be tested by their methodologies.

The inability to understand that the underlying structure is the issue and that tackling that, rather than just shifting the entire solution to new languages will suddenly solve the problems(or other underlying systems).

It’s just sad.

The big enterprise in which I work wants to mandate which we have to write a microservice for each individual HTTP endpoint, since we cannot even have an artifactory for code sharing the code duplication is going off the charts and having these microservices sharing a single DB we are creating a big and messy distributed monolith.

I work in a small team. As the senior dev I tens to focus on important tasks that shape the core of the product but some times I can’t divide my self when there are multiple tasks at hand, so I pass some tasks to the an other mid level dev.

So the task was to create an automation in order to CD (continuously deliver) an order from WHMCS of the (git versioned) product to customers UAT, PROD envs.

To get a background this is an old guy with “constricted” experience in PHP/jQuery/Joomla/Wordpress.

So when we were breaking up the tasks he told me he would like to implement this so i gave him the task as i was busy with core features.

I was like what could go wrong? I know he doesn’t know much about CI/CD but he can read right? He will google right? He will search for CI/CD solutions that do this out of the box right? He will design on paper or what ever and do small POCs right? He will design the flow first before starting the implementation right? RIGHT?

So fast forward to today I had a call with him this morning about some DB staff. And he wanted to show me his progress…

His solution is:
(parentheses is my brain)
1. Customer completes WHMCS order (perfect)
2. Web Hook 🪝 action (YES)
3. cpanel gets source and “automatic!” Init, all using pure PHP code ignoring the usage of the current framework (ok… something is missing)
4. cpanel web hooks(?) WHMCS to send email to customer with the envs initial setup page(?)
5. Customer opens link and adds setup info (ok fuck, fuck, fuck)

(Ok stay cool composed, lets ask some questions maybe he thought it all in a cool way I can’t get my mind around)

Me: So how are you gonna get the correct version from the repo to the env and init the correct schema?

Dev: I haven’t thought about it yet.

Me: Are we gonna save each version to a file system then your code is going to fetch them?

Dev: I haven’t really thought about it we will see. But look on customer init user setup I implemented a password strength validation and it also checks if the password is the same.

So after this Pokémon encounter I politely closed teams. Stood up drank some (a lot) coffee ☕️. Put out the washed laundry while reflecting on life’s good things, while listening to classical music 🎼 .

Then I sat on my office chair drank some more coffee, put some linking park starting with in that order:
“Numb” then “What I’ve Done” and ended with “In the end, it does really fucking matter”

Holly fucking crap
i feel like my brains will just start oozing out
my fucking system isn't loading data properly in the table from a db despite following tutorials exactly the same

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!

I have two laravel apps. Both sharing one redis db. One has App/Post one has App/Models/Blog/Post. When I unserialize models from redis cache saved by the other app I get issues because it cannot find the right model to hydrate.

How would you build a custom map to get the right model?

At old e-commerce job, some orders were coming through with most of the shipping info missing. The only info filled out was the State. When we looked at Heap, we could see the user was filling in those fields. There was both frontend and backend validation for required form data, so the user shouldn’t have been able to checkout without an address.

When I looked at the BE logic, I saw addresses were retrieved from our database by using a method called GetOrCreateDefaultAddress. When the website couldn’t find the address in the db, it created a new one where the only address field that was filled in was the state.

Unfortunately, this default address creation was happening after the submit button had been hit. There was no logic to validate the address this late in the checkout because the earlier form validation in the process should have caught this.

The orders did have email addresses, so customer service did have a way to contact the customer. I have no idea what happened to the user’s address. Was it never saved? Did it get caught up in a cron job to delete old users and addresses from the db??

Programming at a job to me is no longer creating something fun and valuable; it's more like figuring out why shit doesn't work, con-stant-ly.

It' s like coming in to your desk every morning, dreading the day because there's yesterday's shit to fix. "Hmm, what shall today be like? Oh yes, troubleshooting why my database model doesn't work, redesign it completely and break my mind over db details. The next day? Having to redesign my classes to implement new patterns because apparently the current design isn't good enough." Even if you work on new deliverables, that's just new problems in disguise anyway.

Pleasant? Not really.
lol.

Theory should be minimal courses, just something to think about and not something that expands through the entire curriculum as if anyone was to use it. Theory and fundamentals are enough, after that have career paths over what students want to focus on depending on a class that takes them through each different field: web development, db development, micro controller programming, os programming networking programming etc etc etc.

Basically, not :hey! here are some shitty basic programming classes, ok now let us move into calculus 1, 2, 3 etc etc. Most people come out of schools with no knowledge of what happens in the real world.

So I am pretty fair dev at Java and have been doing freelancing for sometime apart from normal full time job.
Got a client , a well funded one, who raised a decent chunk of money recently.
Got me do a couple of different areas right from refactoring and bumping their performance to all the way setting up AWS Services like RDS,Lambdas,Dynamo,SQS.
It was going good , money was coming in for the initial part.
Thinking that money is not the concern here , I accepted work at runtime and gave quotations about the additional work.

However now that all is done and deployed , the client simply refuses to pay me the money and has ghosted me horribly than my ex ever did.

I have access to their GitHub,AWS(I setup myself).

Need suggestions of whats the best way I can fuck them up if they decide to not pay even after a few more professional polite attempts I do .

sidenote : They had a pretty dumb db design and blindly had resorted to services in AWS and the pricing is still a major point of concern for them.

I keep having these ideas of a steam like interface for transfering money and buying virtual items, but I can't for the life of me figure out how i would go about it other then a basic flask mongo db set up which would be ripe for malicious attacks

TL;DR I have to bump a Redis cluster from t3.medium to m6g.large just to get enough network bandwidth even though I have no need of the extra memory.

Debugged an interesting issue today.
I am adding Elasticache to a project to reduce strain on the single node postgres DB.
Deployed a Redis replication group with 2 shards, with multi-AZ replication for resilience.

Everything was going well. We arent caching that much atm so was barely using 100Mb of memory.

Suddenly, when our US region comes online, latency skyrockets and the logs are full of Jedis timeout errors.
Still no issue with memory or node CPU.

The cause? Arbitrary network bandwidth throttling by AWS. The app currently processes about 3,000 requests per second so we were exceeding Amazons random ass allowances which arent documented anywhere.

favourite/recommended database IDEs/tools? I'm looking to put more time into a hobby project using mysqlite. I only got datagrip, mysql workbench and DB Browser for SQLite on my list so far

TL;DR Is there a hackerrank for Oracle PL/SQL?

At my work, we do not get raises, we only get promotions. Promotions are applied for, and then interviewed for. Highest score (plus maybe some managerial bias) wins.

33% of the questions revolve around PL/SQL (and just Oracle DB in general) and the better you explain yourself, the better you score.

Tutorials just don't do it for me. They're boring. I want something interactive. While it doesn't need to be competitive and challenging like hackerrank, I'm looking for something gamified like hackerrank where I can see other people and learn the technology intimately so I can climb the ranks at my company faster.

Does anyone know of something sort of along the lines? All suggestions appreciated.

Is there a portable DB format like sqlite but stores data like Mongo.

Each record contains key value pairs.

I guess I could install Mongo again... But kinda want to play with the data first. Pulls from a web api

I guess other alternative is to just save the json responses to disk in separate folders and files for now...

And abstract the DB layer behind an interface

How is your experience with upgrading from Debian 8 to Debian 9? Want to update my homeserver but I really don't want to screw it up. Especially with the switch from MySQL to MariaDB

Junior: "I've deleted the unnecessary migration files after a rollback, just like you recommended me, but the DB-table that tracks which migrations where run still shows them after running migrations"
Me: "That shouldn't happen 🤔 How did you delete them?"
J: "I deleted the code in the Up and down scripts"....

Is it so hard to understand that a migration will "run" even if it doesn't do anything?

How to deal with having to work on a very boring task?

I work as android dev in a company where there are around 40 of android devs in total. When I was working on frontend architecture and UI related tasks everything was perfect and I loved my job.

But now for the next couple months all of us have to work on migrating all of our db layer models and business logic related to them to a new built in house ORM library and its a total trainwreck.

Everyone is confused, the task is very boring and obscure and deadline is around 2 months. Just to clarify: one guy did 50% of migration and it took him couple years. Now they are throwing roughly 20 devs at the problem thinking they can do this in 1-2 months.

One week already passed and TBH I havent even started working on this, I just picked up a task and now Im trying to wrap my head around this. Its so boring and obscure and expectations are so unrealistic that I want to kill myself.. Thinking of just taking my 2 weeks vacation to escape this shit or even quitting my job if this goes on longer than a month or two.

At work thres a legacy "common" DLL, which held a helper function that's incharge of creating Slugs, it takes an MD5 of the current time stamp UTC, removing non-URLable chars, and taking the first N chars that remain then

Ngl I was impressed at first at it, but then I thought, its Uniqueness isnt guaranteed

But then again I thought, the uniqueness can be tested via a call given it's indexed anyway in DB so O(1), and if non-unique, just re-call the function. Even in the worst case scenario the hits won't be that many anyway

I didnt change the code, tho at first I was inclined to given my "it isnt proven-unique" stance but am wondering, if this is a good approach
While coolish, it seems wrong in the back of my mind somehow...

So I'm working on our inhouse help desk system
added a few stuff to the database and since there was already some live data in the database had to make use of flask-migrate for making migrations and upgrades

Since I had already initialized a migration and a revision number was already generated bumped into a situation where i couldn't make new migrations and me panic mode ramping up
opens chrome and surfed the net for solutions like the flash
thumbs up for platforms like stackoverflow
saved my ass today

do you store every variable in a relational db? more specifically, only just the class members not local vars. what if table has 200 columns and roughly 75% of the table is nulls. why or why not?

hey, so i have recently started learning about node js and express based backend development.

can you suggest some good github repositories that showcase real life backend systems which i can use as inspiration to learn about the tech?

like for eg, i want to create a general case solution for authentication and profile management : a piece of db+api end points + models to :

- authenticate user : login/signup , session expire, o auth 2 based login/signup, multi account login, role based access, forgot password , reset password, otp login , etc

- authorise user : jwt token authentication, ip whitelisting, ssl pinning , cors, certificate based authentication , etc (

- manage user : update user profile, delete user, map services , subscriptions and transactions to user , dynamic meta properties ( which can be added/removed for a single user and not exactly part of main user profile) , etc

followed by deployment and the assoc concepts involved : deployment, clusters, load balancers, sharding ,... etc

----

these are all the buzzwords that i have heard that goes into consideration when designing a secure authentication system for a particular large scale website like linkedin or youtube. am not even sure how many of these concepts would require actual codelines and how many would require something else.

so wanted inspiration from open source content to learn about it in depth, replicate and create new better stuff if possible .

apart from that, other backend architectures like video/images storage system, or just some server for movie, social media, blog website etc would also help.

What does devrant think about custom IDs?

Instead of:
- "d2ac9db1-3222-4e99-97cb-e14fb4240f43"

Something like this:
- "user-d2ac9db1-3222-4e99-97cb-e14fb4240f43"
- "document-34ea29ce-6022-40d4-821d-95b240633ba9"

They can be saved as binary in DB (like in the old days before native UUID support), have basic protection against being confused with IDs of another prefix and are pretty much self-documenting (better debugging/logging experience).

Plus, every ID would have their own value object (increased type safety) and if required, prefix can be omitted for 3rd party systems.

I think, it would be well worth it... 🤔

Hello Mr. Internet,

I just wanted to ask if someone knows an "easy" solution for a Bitcoin Cashback system. We're using Amazon, Ebay & AWIN as affiliate Partners.

If you could build something like this, I would love to speak to you!

At the moment we're updating our DB (11 Million Products) and we'll include a better Search. Right after that we would like to add an Accountsystem + BTC Cashback.

I used DevRant back in 2016. Is someone out here?

Last question for today, I promise…

For my side project, I plan on saving a URL and an array of strings associated with that URL. I want to be able to search and sort the resulting DB from a frontend without needing complicated queries. Is this the use case for a key-value pair DB? Let me know if I’m not clear and thanks!

So I've been forced to work on a project for some time using JavaScript

Many parts of it must function synchronously and js has a lot of libs and otherwise that will spawn threads in threads

I'm horrified by the amateurish appearance of my code

Await this await that
Everything enclosed in something else and what is worse is the base node modules I'm using are ALL asynchronous! Were talking methods that one consistently has to wait on finishing like db reads !

Why is js so dumb ?