"you write the most interesting bugs"

A pay raise. It's creative enough.

Assign 15% of each sprint to addressing technical debt

"I think you will be on this company for many years."
Depending on the company, this can be a compliment or a threat.

Your code is like a poem, written by a forklift driver who didn’t know what poems were, but was made to write one nonetheless. Using Microsoft excel.

"I might steal that idea"

Hire a separate team to implement what the dev did and see them fail miserably.

Then ask the dev for the source code and try to adapt the original solution to your own needs, and, ofc, fail at that too.

Then keep your pride high and not ask the dev to help you

Boosts self-confidence every time :)

"Your code doesn't make me want to off myself".

"Take an extra paid day off"

"You are right. This will automate that boring task."

"You did everything that was tasked to you in this sprint? You can rest or help in testing something. "

I just wasted my 2 hours debugging the code with a misspelled variable name, "separate" instead of "seperate".

Fcuk !

My piece of shit boss saying "I missed you" after I was off for some time.
POS because he threatened to fire me and I didn't have a strong hand so I went along with that mobbing...

Raise, zero releases on weekend, not mentioning for once that ChatGPT/Bard said this or that ...etc

I swear once ChatGPT gave my boss the exact opposite of what is mentioned in the documentation and I had to literally share the link of the docs so that boss believe me ...

I understood your code
WHITHOUT the comment

Your code looks like it runs on the first try.

All tests passed, and the delivery is in on time. See you next week!

A one time gift consisting of the following in a party bag without any letter to explain why:

A jar of Polski-Ogorki pickles, synthetic motor oil, a Chicago's Cubs cap, a My Little Pony doll and a dollar store clown costume.

Take them out to a taquería and give ‘em a lil kiss 💋