My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

When you look back on your github activity and just think "Wow, we have really created something special. This is really going to help the world." It just... It gets me. That's why I do this day in and day out.

Me: *staring at computer screen, not looking busy*

Boss: Why are you not working?

Me: I am, I'm just waiting for this thing to finish installing.

Boss: You do realize you can still do other stuff while that's running, right?

Me: Didn't you send me an article last week about the dangers of multitasking?

Boss: um...

Me: *now intently staring at progress bar..."

Boss: fuck sakes... *walks away*

Sometime I’m developing in Rust and I do something wrong.

Then I look at the terminal and it says...

“You did X, did you mean to do Y”

Then I do it and it works perfectly, and I’m like...

Why do I even have a job if the compiler is this good?

Saw an ad for Wix, went like this:

"You need a website, why not do it yourself?"

Aren't they advertising to NOT use their crappy platform?

That moment when you make your code such that even dummies can understand it, implement smart ass algos, do all those comment line things for definitions. Then you show your project to your teacher who has this to say :
"Why are you showing me copied code?"
I am like

Why you do this Windows -_-

*Me using dark theme on everything*

Me: Hey, look at this, I finished that thing that you wanted me to do.

*Project partner looks at my screen*

Partner: Ugh, why do you use that dark theme? It really strains my eyes.

Me: :-|
That is one of the reasons I use dark themes

Mom: You should do stuff with blockchain.

Me: Why, I don't believe in blockchain on the long run.

Mom: You should start believing in blockchain and you should start using it for all your stuff.

Me: Mom, i really appreciate that you are trying to help, but why are you saying this? My projects have zero to do with blockchain.

Mom: Blockchain is the future, because the media said so.

Me:...

Why would you even do this? People don't read these anyways...

I can't watch others use a computer.

That's not how you ask google a question.

You're clicking the wrong way.
You click like an idiot.

Why are you scrolling like that? do you hate moving down the page so mutch it makes you scroll like that?

Why am i forced to sit through this?
When will this end?

Dev: If you force this to be done in this timeframe it will fail in a month.
Manager: Do it anyway.

A month later:
@@FAILS@@

Manager: Why didn't you tell me this would happen??

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Do you ever wonder why the UK public sector has such a bad computer system? This! This is why!!! What a frigging waste of money!!!! Every computer in the school has this stupid set up!!!

Wiire-Shark Doo doo doo doo doo
Eating our internet Doo doo doo dooo doo
Why you do this? Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Wireshark.

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud while thinking/programming/debugging? (Not a rubber duck in sight, because that makes it okay?)

I need to avoid making this a habit..

Me: What? Why is this even an error?

Someone: What?

Me: What?

Why

Do

LinkedIn motivational

Posts

Look

Like this?

Why are you

guys making me

fucking

unfollow you?

So I have 600 LinkedIn contacts.

Most are recruiters.

So my feed is flooded with recruitement rants.

And success stories like this:

How they hired the guy who had

A 10 year gap in his employment.

Because they had to take care.

Of their sick pet hamster.

Hiring him was one of their best decisions.

He was a stellar employee.

Had a week off, when I came back, an email :
"Dodger, can you explain me why did you change this ? I asked X and he wasn't aware you changed it"

Me : *browse through mail and find a mail from late December from X asking me to do that exact change*

Also me :

@Root has a code review.

CR comment: “Why would you do it this way? It’s awful. Clean it up!”

Totally fair. I had copied the legendary dev’s code, and it was ick. Cleaning it was easy and enjoyable. I cleaned the source, too.

CR comment: “Why would you touch this? It’s outside the scope of the ticket. You could get it working without changing all this.”

Revert…

CR comment: “The interfaces don’t match. Now it’s confusing, and that makes it harder to maintain.”

🤦🏻‍♀️

"How am I supposed to use this API? Do you expect the client to open that black thing [terminal and curl]? Why doesn't it work in the browser with clicking?"

🤷‍♀️

- Apparently, I do frontend now.

Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?

Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.

Dev: …

This was just a „you had one job“ moment. I double tapped a rant to give it a ++ and immediately this message appeared. devRant, why do you give me such unnecessary notifications?

Our programming teacher always wanted us to do this (in C#):

somedatatype somevarname;
somevarname = somevalue;

You were NEVER allowed to:

somedatatype somevarname = somevalue;

"Can't I just do it in one line?"
"No."
"Why?"
"<insert dumb statement here that gives no reason whatsoever>"

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

And this is why you do backups...
More pictures in comments.

Real university assignment:

"Write an AI to win this 2player game, restrictions: you cannot save to a file and every turn is a new run of the program."

And then people ask me why do i keep saying university is useless.

Start a new job.
It is amazing.
What, you will not pay my JetBrains? Ugh... cheap boss.
Do you call this scrum?
Now I need to build this dumbass feature.
Wait, all the seasoned people are leaving?
Why did I choose this place at first?
Linkedin.
Interview.
This sounds awesome.
Good salary.
Bye guys.

Start a new job...

My school stores everyone's username and passwords (including admins) in plain text on a Windows 2007 server that they remote desktop into.

38°C, sunday afternoon, client be like: "Omg, I need you, it's important, can you call me?"

*calls client*

"So I got this E-Mail that said my SEO could be improved alot, why didn't you do that"

*looks at auto generated spam mail, hangs up*

PM: Please do this immediately.
Me: But the other deadline, I...
PM: I don't care, do this first!
Me: Alright, fine.

(at the end of the day)
PM: Why is the thing you were doing not finished yet!?

> git commit -m 'fixing what I broke earlier'
> git pish
> git: 'pish' is not a git command. See 'git --help'.

Did you mean this?
push
> you know I meant push, why can't you leave me alone and just do it

Project manager, a few months ago: "why did you do this task? It's all wrong. It's a backend task, not a frontend task so you shouldn't have done it. Don't do it again."

PM, today, regarding the same task in a different project: "why didn't you do this task? The project isn't complete without it. It isn't right. You should have done it."

Are you fucking serious? If we do it it's wrong, if we don't do it it's wrong too. So why should I bother? Seriously, fuck you you piece of shit.

Today @ 4pm:

New dev: I need help with this issue, i've been stuck on it all day.

Me: ok let's look ...... ok, and did you try google this?

New dev: ... no

Me: ... why?

New dev: well this is clearly my issue, why would I google it? I only google for things I don't know

Me: ... ok ... we'll do you know what this bug is then?

New dev: haha ok, fair point, I'll give that a try. Thanks for the tip.

Seriously, should I be worried? I feel worried

So i am about to submit my weekly report before going home and this happens. 😢
Windows why you do this 😱

Google why must you do this to me!

F.M.L.

Recruiter: do you have a negative character ?

Me: yes, sometimes I become lame.

Recruiter: but why is that?

Me: this is not your business

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WITH POINTLESS MEETINGS ABOUT WHAT METHODOLOGIES YOU GONNA USE TO GET THE FUCKING DATA????

JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING DATA AFTER YOU DISCUSS THIS SHIT AND TELL WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE TO DO WITH IT!!!

FUCKING WASTING MY FUCKING TIME AND WANTING SHIT TO BE DONE! WHAT THE FUCK!

Why do you wake up tired?? Isn't that what you go to bed to fix?! What the fuck kind of bullshit is this?!

So this guy rated my app 1 star saying that "application is pretty good. I can do almost all of my task using this app. It would be better if you have added this* features."

*The features he mentions is nothing but the substraction of 2 variables.

Why some of the app users behave like this? This is the biggest turn off to motivate me to keep developing if your application is free of cost.

Why can't we delete those review from stores?

"please use a secure password*"

* But don't make it too secure, 20 Charakters is enough.

Why would you fucking do this? The only reason I can think about is a scenario like this:
"How do we store the passwords in the database?"
"Just like anything else?"
"So I create a VARCHAR(20)?"
"Yeah why not? It's good enough for a name, and you shouldn't use your or anyone else's name as a password, so it should be perfect"

Today 🙄
This dev goes "I connect using plain FTP over a VPN to update why can't you!?"

Because it's unsecure you fucking idiot.

His FTP server can't even do secure connections. Some how.

Guess I have a new site to take over 😏

A: Can you tell me your opinion about this? Please, be honest.
Me: Ok, I think you could do it in a different way, but let's talk about what you did and see how to make it better...
A: I don't think so, I think this is the best way to do it.
Me: Oh, OK.
A: Why are you always complaining about my job?
Me: Well, you just asked me, and I work on this too, so I thought...
A: I don't think you're collaborative enough with me!
Me [walking away]: Oh, OK...

Why the fuck would you do this, Apple?

Dear self,

If you start a statement with “I think”, you do not have to also edit statement to add “in my opinion”. This is redundant and silly.

Sincerely,
Why are you so freaking timid?

Why you do this JS ?

If recruiter contacted you, and when discussing salary, they asked “Why do you think you worth that much?”. What would be the best answer? Does answering with “Oh because I worth that much, as I’ve experienced in using this and that” sounds arrogant?

When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?

Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.

I hate it when I try and have a discussion with another dev and the conversation devolves into something akin to:

Me: I'm doing a thing in y language! How do I do z using y language?

Dev: WHY ARE YOU USING Y LANGUAGE?! Y LANGUAGE SUCKS AND IF YOU USE IT YOU'RE STUPID. ALL REAL DEVS USE X LANGUAGE.

I just wanted to know how to do something. Maybe I don't want to do it in another language. Maybe I have to use this language for work/study. Maybe I've just been given legacy spaghetti code and can't change the system easily.

Why do people feel the need to do this? And if they want to flame a language why can't they do it constructively?

Dev: If you are trying to do a thing in y language, why don't you try using x language? It offers an easier way for you to complete the task that you want, and it has other amazing features too!

Then you could actually respond with the appropriate response which would be thanks but no thanks because of this reason or thanks i'll check it out.

No need to be so elitist all the time.

FUCK I stupidly did git reset --hard while having open changes.

Slap me

I've always found those "age++" rants to be annoying.

are you people storing age as an integer rather than as an epoch timestamp?! seems rather tedious to upkeep.

either way. another year down! (that's 31,536,000 seconds for those of you counting correctly.)

Chrome please STOP... Chrome why you do this...

Watching some Talent-Show with my family. There is this 16-years old pretty good singing boy. My father looks at me and you can read from his face: "Why can't you do sth. like this ?"
The next day I show him some really good webapps and games I made and he just says "Well, I don't care until you make money with this."
...
...

"If you want to be a good developer then be good at one programming language." - I don't know why but I do not agree with this.

Part of an honest interview :

- What is your biggest weakness?
+ Triceps femoris muscles

- Why do you want this job?
+ Earning money to buy food so that I don't die of hunger.

- How do you handle pressure?
+ By shouting the word fuck

- What are your goals?
+ Have a cheek in bed every night.

- We will be in touch.
+ you never call, do you?

When you teach someone to use git and all.of a sudden you are required to supply all the answers when they run into problems:/

I tried to point them to Google and they still keep coming back. Why the fuck did I do this to myself?

Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?

As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!

Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?

I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.

>X gets corrupted somehow
>"sudo apt-get remove xorg"
>begins uninstalling millions of packages
>a fullscreen warning flashes by: "Are you SUUUUUURE you wanna remove the kernel?"
>wasn't prompted to deny
>After process, get kernel panic
>reboot
>kernel panic within 10 seconds

Why must you do this to me, Debian?

Boss : Can you please make a page where I can add a magazine cover image, summary and source urls.

Me : Sure.
..
..
..
Me : here you go.

Boss : How do I upload multiple images in this page ?

Front end dev be like:
Me:
This is greatest design concept ever!
Why isn't it working? It was working yesterday.
This is the stupidest design concept ever.
It works! It works! The client is going to love this as much as I do. It's exactly what they asked for!

Client:
Actually, can you do something completely different?

Friend: Can you write me a discord bot?
Me: Sure, I guess.
Me: *thinking* I can probably do it in 2 hours or less*
Me: *2 hours later* why does this API work like that and why the fuck is my node module folder so big???

Guy: - Why the hell do you keep adding new tests with "TDD" in the commit log? Is this because you're wearing this stupid TDD t-shirt!? You're only supposed to maintain this! There's nothing to develop! Nothing here will ever be test-driven!

Cprn: (turns around)

T-shirt: *Technical Debt Development*

I saw a post about headphones that reminded me.

Last week I was trying to find out why my code wasn't working. At about an hr in my wife asks me "honey, why do you have headphones on but they aren't plugged into anything?"

I looked at her partially spaced and thought to myself "I have headphones on?!?!"

Lol I tend to do this a lot.

Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?

Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security

I might be wrong. In that case please correct me

Hey, i took a look at your code and heres how you could improve your performance!

"No thanks lol it works this way too"

Okay you fucking idiot, thats not how you do normal distribution

"Why are you so mean"

New dev: I need help with this issue. I've been debugging it all day.

*2 hours later*

Me: spent a while debugging it, eventually came across a stack overflow post that says you can't do that.

New dev: oh I saw that earlier, didn't think it applied.

Me: ... why ... accepted answer "It is not possible to do this, this way".

New dev: hhhmm, ok

... get the fuck out of this building immediately.

What the F**K? Why Marketing department always think they know better than IT Department? They always tell us "What so difficult to do this thing? You guys must have templates and change a few things!"

Let me give you some insight here, that this guy is the guy who buy website templates from programmers, change things and upload the site to Bluehost or Wordpress, That's all he do.

Our Software Archictect, colleagues and I personally went from "What the f***?" to "Are you f**king Kidding Me? "

Sometimes I just want to tell him this "Hey you mother f**ker, based on your f**king statement , why would you need programmers then? You guys can just buy the templates and change things".....

F**k you Marketing Department!

Why you do this devRant!!

Love my android. But oh my fucking stars in a pickle jar... I just did a damn software update. The fuck you mean I have one??? Wasn't even 5 minutes ago. Why are you making me do this???

Today I had the pleasure to introduce to my Professor (who teaches Python) that you could cause a keyboard interrupt typing Ctrl-c. Her logic was that "Ctrl-c is for Copy" and the only way to end a infinite Loop in the shell is to, "X out the Window." She also clearly has never dealt with linux or terminals.

during code review...
peer: "you should pass this variable, and extract the logger from it"
me: "why? it is a 3 line logging function. why not pass the logger instance?"
peer: "because that is our best practice. It is the way we do things"
me: "why is it a best practice?"
peer: "because it is. We use it everywhere!"
me: "No we don't. And I still don't understand why is this a best practice. can you explain?"
peer: gives ups, did not look at the mr, and was not going to.

mr stays open. probably forever.

"Hey what's your opinion on this idea?"

I think it's a huge waste of time and effort. Why not use this simpler solution?

"Nah let's do this."

Then why the fuck did you even ask?

Why God? Why do you do this to me?

And so net neutrality dies in the US... Mofo Ajit Pai why you do this to us? Literally 80 percent of people are against this repeal. So what the heck does he do? Repeal em of course. Hope he burns in hell forever. By that I mean I hope he has to have really slow internet forever. Now that would be justice.

Someone reached out to me with appreciation for my comment:

// " What a mess. Why would anyone ever do this?" you ask yourself. I'm glad you asked! Long long ago in a hot fix far far away...

Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.

Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.

...... One week later....

Manager: Why is the team not open to me?

Yes former technical person who is now a business person. Please, please advise me on my job with your decaying outdated skills. Yes, google for me. I didn't know how to do that. Ah wonderful yes, you recall this being "easy" which is why you quit the field. What a nice time this is.

Boyfriend just got rejected after spending 45 minutes annotating a video using a company's shitty product they asked him to learn and utilize for the interview itself.

He did a fine job, if I do say so myself.

He was rejected today, with no reason other than a list of "common things that might have triggered a rejection".

Oh and the classic "we're sorry, we can't tell you why we rejected you - but we look forward to you re-applying in 45 days!"

Why the fuck not? If you're a recruiter and you do this shit, go royally fuck yourself. It's so beyond unprofessional and there's zero reason for it.

If he fucked up and failed, fine. At least tell him why. Be fucking adults. Your shit fucking stinks just like everyone else's, this isn't American Idol or the Hunger Games; you're not President Snow, and even Simon will tell you why you suck.

Fucking aggravating.

That awkward moment when your family and friends sit behind you and ask questions;

What is this you're typing on the screen?

Why words have different colors?

Why so many tabs?

How do you type so fast?

....... and more

Share yours.

Do developers have to get everything approved from the product manager. Even the name of a function and explain why you chose to pass something as a parameter? Isn't this micromanagement?

Why is it that every single employer in this field expects you to live and breathe tech and have it as your only source of enjoyment? Can't it just be a job that I show up and do every day and then spend my free time with whatever the hell I want? This morning's job interview:
Hiring manager: so what do you like doing in your free time?
Me: talks about actual hobbies, trying to be personable, making a few jokes, etc
HM: soooo.. nothing tech related then?

I can't imagine any other job expecting this amount of devotion. "So you want to be an accountant but you don't do it after hours for fun!?" Why is this normal?

**Sorry for ranting, job search is getting increasingly frustrating.

why would you do this to our codebase, dear teammate?

Those jQuery fuckers spam their shit into every damn article or video. Why do you retards even use it in 2018? JavaScript has evolved and can do all the useless shit jQuery does in an equal style.
I hate to see modern front-end tutorials using this useless ugly tool.

How difficult is it to do things and do them properly? Clearly in 2019, very difficult. And why on Earth would you do things properly, when there's get rich quick schemes, shortcuts to be found and taken, and that filthy filthy legal tender. If the shitty implementation makes a profit, why do it properly? Makes no sense.

Except it fucking does. And you know why? Because of the guy that comes after you, that works with your fucking bullshit implementation and probably curses you to the moon and beyond in the process. Just like you probably did with the guy that came before you, with that bullshit you got tasked to work with. Don't be that guy. And don't be that guy to the next guy.

Still with me? Good. Here's the thing. You can do [insert job here] quick and dirty. But you're guaranteed to be checking back on it and fixing the crap later on. Or worse yet, someone else will be cursing you to the moon and beyond while they are fixing / working around your crap. So why not do it right in the first place? Is this why we can't have nice things?

fuuuccckkk stackoverflow.

q: "why doesn't python do this like i want:

me: "Here's an answer that quotes an article and links out explaining with Python 3.6.x doesn't allow that."

every fucker: "downvote, doesn't answer why it isn't allowed"

FUCK YOU, PROVIDE AN ANSWER THAT DOESN'T SAY WHAT I SAID

Installing Unreal plugins from github be like:
clone, try to build
unreal: nah
me: can you tell me why?
unreal: nah
me: please?
unreal: nah
...
me: With the powers of MS VS I command you, tell me why the fuck you aren't building!?!
unreal: yeah I need that dependency in this plugin fo rmotion tracking
me: we don't do motion tracking *comment it out*
unreal: there I build it.

... I feel like I was a Karen, went to talk to the manager (VS) who gave me a proper explanation to why the employee had to behave this way.

IE, why do you do this?

I am speechless! Assigned back to a project after leaving it for four months, went to see tasks, and they are like this:
Q1. Why did't you do this for the app?
A1: Because your team has not yet provided API, how is my team supposed to implement

Q2: Why having this in the app? either x or y not both!
A2: You guys wanted both

Q3: Why is the app showing data that must not be displayed?
A3: Because your server is sending me the data based on the criteria I sent? What else do you expect

and the list goes on ....

Uggg..... I'm trying to encode a binary file in Python which may be an image or may be an executable, and then decode it back into a file (I plan on editing it in the middle, but baby steps for now..) but nothing is working!!

My plan is to:

Open binary file.

Decode as base64, or something else that could easily handle binary.

Convert byte data to string (for editory perpousos - I won't be editing bytes, I'll be doing custom encoding but that's irrelevant for this test)

Convert back to a byte string/array (with .encode(), probably)

Write to file.

I do this, yet the output has been altered... Though I haven't touched anything..

It's so enfuriating.. x.x

Friend: why do I get this error help

[I check the logs]

Me: uh,its a OOM, did you allocate enough memory for GC?

Friend: wait hold on

[changes a method]

[works]

Friend: I shouldn't use this experimental method

Me: Cool man blog it

So VS Code, you're using ~60% of my CPU and I've let you do that for around 1/2 hour now. Why do you do this? I know your brother can do this as well, but he does have some valid reasons unlike yourself. You're just a glorified notepad with some extensions.

Non-technical manager who been managing my team for years: "hey can you take a look at this log?"

*log is all PHP*

Us: "we're iOS devs, none of us know PHP"

Manager: "well why not?"

HOW DO YOU GET PAID MORE THAN US

What a lazy fuck.

This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.

What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?

The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?

Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.

"Can you please grep ... in the server?"

What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?

What a waste of time.

Don't you just hate when your boss goes like:
"Why isn't this feature working?"

SHIT FUCK, IF I KNEW THE REASON, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE FIXED THAT SHIT, INNIT?

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT?

"Well you should have tested better"

IT TOOK A MONTH FOR 1 USER TO SEE THAT BUG, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? YOU EXPECT ME TO SEE THAT BUG IN THE FEW HOURS OF TESTING I CAN ACTUALLY DO FOR THIS PROJECT?

"There also are other 15 project to get done"

FUCK THIS SHIT

Me: 16? What is this magic number? Why don't you create a constant for it?

Colleague: We do like that first for now. We'll definitely come back to improve it later when we have time.

A Bad and Sad Day

Hello Monday,

Client : on weekend site went down for 7 hours? Why ?
Me : Let me check the logs
Client : bla bla bla
boss : check ur code bla bla bla
Reason : Some PHP service stopped on server

Client2 : I have purchased this software and you have to made minor changes
Me : Payment Integrations are not working?
Client : Whataa nonsense is this.. you are supposed to do this
Me : We are supposed to do minor changes. They do not have proper payment integrations. If you want we have to write complete code
Client : bla bla.. I gave you working software

:( Why don't you just fuck off .. liars

client "we want x, y and z"

developer "ok that's fine they'll cost this much"

client "why will they cost, they won't take you THAT long to do"

Is common decency too much to expect?

If you give someone a job in the company you work for, do you expect them to badmouth you? Or to try to humiliate you? Why do people do this?

Someone put a fucking \b in this dataset I'm working with, which just so happens to be an illegal character for xml.
FUCKING HOW. FUCKING WHY. FUCKING WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME SUFFER THIS MUCH

When play store literally knows how to kill your time by recommending devRant while you actually are supposed to be studying why you do this to me

WTF is this shit? Multiply by 0 * Math.pow(2,0) upto Math.pow(2, 10).

Like why the fuck would you write that and not write a comment as to why that logic and explain everything else. Fucking fuck.

Turns out this logic is supposed to mimic the back end logic of breaking the flag value into binary and then set other flags depending on each bit. But why would you do that? I was starting to doubt if 0*n = 0.

This piece of code is inefficient, trying to be smartass, doesn't explain shit and doesn't have the only comment that mattered.

And then there was this..

Helping this lady with her Microsoft Access work. Wrote some complex Visual Basic script to make the database look pretty. This is what she is asking:

"Hey, where did you get all this code from? YouTube? Can you please send me the link?"

ffs I'm a dev, why the fuck do you think I need YouTube for this simple VBA script.

Not a question, but an answer to an architecture challenge. "This might sound weird, but I think I can solve this using blockchain. Do you mind if I try?".

He couldn't in the end, but managed to explain exactly why not. We made him an offer all the same.

The moment you enable the PHP warnings in your company and you want to delete all your coworkers code.

#why #you #do #this #to #me

So what would you class yourselves as:-

A) Developer
B) Software Developer
C) Software Engineer
D) Programmer

I go with with Software Engineer. This for me sounds complete for what I do. What do you guys think and why?

Why do websites have to make their html so fucking hard and complicated to read with something like beautifulsoup. Like I just want to scrape your data. Fuck your embedded iframes and div lists. Why must you do this I JUST WANT YOUR DATA

Boss: Use the same template that site [X] is using for this project.
Me: [X] is WordPress. Our project is asp.Net/C#. I can't
Boss: Why?
Me: You can't put a round peg in a square hole!
Boss: Why?
Me: [thinking about mortgage] I'll do it.
Boss: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Me: [die a little inside]

Things to do while you encounter a bug and haven't resolved in some hours:
- Leave it and get clean air so your brain relaxes.

What i do:
- Stay there trying to figure out why the fuck this shit doesn't work and considering falling from the window a very good option

When a Client is supposed to send you sponsor icons for the new website and all you get is a single PDF file containing all of them. Why ??!! This is even more work to do for them ???!!!

Was having a Good day , My code was compiling, Android Studio did find the fucking 'R' In his goddamn libraries and eventually got my strong coffee by my desk.
Suddenly i'm hit up with one of Noob friends saying that he installed Windows on His MacBook Air...
My ears and eyes starting bleeding and all that came in my mind was why the heck did you do this, why the heck did you coat your Chocolate truffle with the fucking Mud. Why didn't you just hammered the keyboard and the screen before doing . I had to sleep after this and all that i saw in my dreams was fucking apples and windows.
Please for God's sake don't do this , wouldn't be a sin more deep than this one

What the actual fuck ?! Why are you able to do this? Why WOULD you give the ability to do this?

Oh no. GitHub why do you think this is a good idea?

So I'm tasked with rewriting the old software my employer uses to track basically anything in his company. They want to stick quite close to the old workflow as much as possible, I get that.

"Why exactly do you need access to the system? No you don't need to look at it just recreate the flow. I'll give you the sql structure is that OK? Oh and this won't take long, you can copy from the old code can't you? Wait why do you need access to the code? No. "

🙄

Wish I knew about this lovely community a few years ago, when a dev in my team asked for help because they couldn't understand why their function was only returning one string... Only you guys would understand my pain when I saw this...

string SomeShitStringMethod()
{
<do stuff>
return string1;

<do stuff>
return string2;

<do stuff>
return string3;
}

>_______<

Why does google do this? It's supposed to be a map, not a fucking travel guide, I want to see the motherfucking map that it so ironically calls itself
Swallow a Collins road atlas whole you fucking impostor.

>import ENi18n
>import ZHi18n

en = {…ENi18n, moreStuff}
zh = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffZH}
pt = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffPT}

“Hey man can you fix this? Seems like we are missing the Portuguese i18n. Check this file please (path)”
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you call me and explain?”

Why do I need to explain this? What is difficult to grasp here? How can it take more than 20 seconds to know what to do here? It’s not even a file I made, you made it and I just ran into it!

Fuck man, I’m going to blow my brains out.

If you already know the best way to get this project done, then why are you paying us? Do it yourself then!

It hurts if you see this on Google Analytics for a Windows 10 UWP app!!
Google, I know you hate MS. Why do you have to show it on me??!!😢😢

Why do you want to work for this company?
I'm broke and i need a placement for Uni next year

"Hey, maybe we should do this! Why aren't we doing this?"

We are, this is on the roadmap and we just discussed it last week. Why bother discussing and documenting it if you are not even gonna read it? I'm tired of repeating the same thing over and over again.

Hey so this may be a harsh one. Me and my friend are computer science and game development students and he's now in Programming 2 and he's not understanding day 1 concepts (i.e. "you dont have to redefine a variable every time you use it", "That's a string why are you setting it to 0?", "the program needs to take in user string input how would you do that?", etc.) and at this point I don't know how to help him actually understand and retain information. What do I do?

A: "Mate, do the translations"

B: "Fine, but you guys implemented the translation service so repetitively..."

A: "No, this is not repetitive, that's how we need to do it"

*sigh*

PS: Whenever I call the "trans" method, I think of transgender, don't ask why

Why isn't this ready for testing yet?

Could it be that despite multiple meetings emails and face to face conversations none of you have provided me with what I actually need?

Yes I can create you new email and SMS campaigns. But I need two little things first.
1 The template text.
2 The sign off forms from compliance

Without them I can't do shit. So stop chasing me on where we're at because I've been chasing you on this for two weeks.

This shit here is why I'm the grumpy It guy.

What gets me is that still, even now, most bosses do not seem to understand that quality will give you speed.

Why is this even still a fucking debate..

!rant is a logic operator, right? As in NOT rant. So why do I so often see them on actual rants?
And for that matter, who cares? If there's a [Read More] tag, you'll click if you want, regardless.
Why is this a thing?

Some hacker went through a lot of trouble to get around a minimum order amount on our site. And they’re still hitting us after Cloudflare issued a bunch of blocks. Well, there are some back doors I have to finish closing. I guess I’m lucky I’m just inheriting this site and I’m not the one who built it. But I’m still unlucky because I have to fix this mess. But damn hacker, why’d you go though all this trouble to get around existing validation. Go find another site to charge $1 amounts and test your stolen credit card info. Pretty please 🥺

Guido why do you have to do us like this(Love u <3)

After drilling yourself with links and resources, documentation and cant execute what you want. You leave it.

Some time later you go back and you are like why the hell didnt I understand this it's so simple :/ and it literally says what to do.

This is when I became a calm developer. Don't rush yourself. If you want to quickly do something. READ dont just look 🙃

Also, don't persist with understand the official docs. The third party explanations will show you flames 80% of the times if you are learning something new.

Fuck Google Chrome cache.

For almost an hour, sat and tried to make changes to a react UI but unfortunately nothing's changing. Started to worry and doubt myself.
Even thought of getting myself the yellow duck! But fuck no , little did I realise that Chrome "intelligently" fetched my page from cache even though I was using incognito! Had to re-open the browser to realise that.

How did I find out you ask? I thought why not fucking open the same page in Mozilla . Why? Because why not?! But I still can't believe that I wasted a whole fucking hour due to that piece of shit called cache!

I can't believe developers are being told to do better when it comes to master/main. Why don't YOU do better and come up with something more worthwhile than this weak shit?

STOOOOP TELLING ME THE TABLE DOESN'T EXIST. YOU'RE FUCKING SUPPOSED TO CREATE THE DAMN TABLE NOT TELL ME IT DOESN'T EXIST! YOU FUCKING DID IT AT HOME ON MY DESKTOP SO WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

business: could you just add this small button? it's nothing right?
my thoughts: why... why do we keep on having this conversation???

You know that feeling when the junior programmers do their job quickly, properly, and elegantly just like how you would have done it? :)

Yeeeeah, me neither. What the fuck is this dog shit?? God dammit! Why we have 2MB of CSS?? Do you even you this jQuery plugin?? What do you mean frontend.php and frontend2.php?? Why is this block of code indented all the way to the right?? "Just 1 bug left" OH REAAAAALLLYYYYY?

jesus h christ why do you do this to me

I am working as a freelance for some company, and yesterday my boss just put my pay and work on hold til next week when he is available.

So now I have a free week, with no money.

Fuck.

Why do tech impaired people always break their tech and they have "no idea" how it broke...
Seriously? What did you do? You know what you were doing? Were you touching random setting again? For fuck sakes just tell me. You've fucking it up 3 times this week already it's not like I don't know your an incompetent prick.

Meeting at 'Derp & Co', the topic was what data model should send the back-end to frontend & app via API calls:

- Coworker: 'we should send the data structured like this for reasons'.
- Me: 'Yeah, this nested object.object.object should do the trick for the front end, but this will be a pain in the ass to convert to POJOs. Why not use something like idk better structure?'

<Mad/intrigued faces>

- CoworkerS: 'Why you need to use POJOs?'
- Me: <More Mad> 'cause I work with java in android... and we have/need/like objects?

<Captain Obvious left the room>

- CoworkerS: 'Oh yeah, well... we can do it the way you say'.

Why you need Objects... what is the next?
- Git? For what? Did not have the usb key from day one?

why do you do this to me, school

(NOTE: this is the staff-only network.)

You know you're in for a fun time when you open code you wrote the previous night and a comment starts with "Fuck this, it works, sober me can deal with it"

Why do I do this to myself .-.

So, I apply for a job and they send me an automated email with my username....and my pasword....in plain text...I should use a different password for my applications....

Algorithms teacher: I don't know how to work this thing. (computer) ... Students constantly have to go up front and help him do basic computer stuff. Even worse, he types with two fingers! Why education system must you suck so bad???

Some """friend""" of mine asked me help because he has trouble installing WAMP on a Linux distro.

Me: why don't you try to install a LAMP server instead, you are on Linux, you can do whatever you want.

Him: LAMP is not a thing, this doesn't exist, there's no package called like that.

Me: *sends a tutorial to setup a web dev server*

Him: You are so unhelpful, why are you disrespectful like that ?!?

Me: *having some murder thoughts*

Why do I still reply to these people ?

I have no idea why this happens:
Kali says my mac starts with 8A but it actualy starts with 88 and the rest of the mac is correct.
Do you have any idea?

Client: I need you to clean up the database and remove all rows [with children] with a timestamp older than 5 years

Team: OK

Team [internally]: we definitely need a dba for this
Me: dba? Why? A junior dev can do that
Team: yyeeaahh, but still.. A DBA would do it better. You know, foreign keys and everything

Me: ....

Cellphone sizes keep on increasing. The only phone under 5 inches that are worth buying are all iPhones.

I've been using Android phones since HTC dream. Looks like I'll have no choice but to switch to iPhone this or next year.

What phone do you use? Do you like big phones? Why?

I have small hands :(

We had some PR’s this morning. Colleage rewrote an app. Restructured everything. Broke some things. Not a single comment and merged to master.

I get questions like: WhY dO yOu PuT a BuTtOnPrEsS aNd A mOuSeCliCk HeRe?

FOR ACCESSIBILITY ASSHOLE!!! SOMETHING YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER HEARD OF!!!

A) "Why did you do that?"
B)<typing>
A) "Hello? I'm talking to you..."
B) "Sorry, i missed to tag this Commit. please see the commit history for your questions. That's why i use the DVCS.

Logging into my school website when... WHY DO YOU USE 🤬 FRNCH FOR BOOLEAN IN THE URL M🤬F

Ok, I know this is a francophone college, but come on!

Human-robot studies suck.

Like, why do I even have to compare dumbass humans to computers? Or why should I even make my robot human friendly? Why can't humans be robot friendly? Example: Robot says beep, you get out of the way. Why should the poor robot do so much planning because humans are too stupid to move out of the way? How is this fair?

Why you do this Windows ??
It's been like this for 2hours..
Seems like infinite "while" ...

Client: I need you to integrate with this API.

Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?

Client: what do think we should do?

Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*

Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...

Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.

...now at the market stocking up on redbull

Why use an Accept header when you can do this, right?

randomapi.com/random/resource/json
randomapi.com/random/resource/xml

🤦‍♂️

I'm already feeling it, I'm gonna have a great time with this API

Why the f*ck do you want custom cursor on the site? It's annoying when suddenly your cursor changes from default. If that's not enough they are increasing size by 2-3 times. I understand if it's a gaming site or web game but why do you want to put this crap on a business site? No need to change the cursor for branding. That's stupid.

......why life.... why... what do you want from me... when i do the right thing, you punish me... when i do the wrong thing, you punish me... what do you want from me.... i cant believe this just happened to me...

AAAH, fucking aws. Why the fuck do you make documentation if it doesnt even make sense. I struggeled for hours to let your cock sucking Cognito work and I'm still fucking stuck. Why is there no proper documentation or tutorial available for nodejs. This pisses me the fuck off. I hate this piece of shit.

Ah... I feel better now.

This is the 5th time I'm going to a meeting to explain this simple detail.

Yes what you want is doable however, To do this we need to revamp another system which will require its own project to do.

This shit here is why your jobs are getting automated.

Why the hell are senior engineers coming to me me to debug and figure out issues? I don't even own this code..why should I care? Does your brain stop working as soon as you see the stack trace leave the code you have written? You are getting paid more than I do so go figure it out yourself. Why are you asshats even getting paid more than me? How did you even get there if you can't debug? Again why am i getting paid less than these asshats

You can't have order without a little bit of PUBLIC DISORDER.

Now, is disorder this order or is this order disorder? Now why do you have to save the world heavy on disorder.

I think I'm somewhere between the sacred silence, and sleep.

Me searching for some landing page templates and now I wonder, why the f*ck are the majority of them written React/NextJS??? It is a simple HTML Page, why do you guys have to overload this sh*t with a full-blown JS Framework??

Why. Just why, making a installer only working when Windows first installed language is En-US. If its En-GB, no way it gonna work. And if you got more then one language installed. Good luck, you need to remove them from Windows Registries and try again. Now do it for 30-35 computers 😅🤮. How tf they are doing millions with this crap 🤦

What the fuck is this steaming shit!?
You fucking background apps, chrome and Firefox take all my resources to fucking open my Google drive?!

AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE 19 INSTANCES OF CHROME RUNNING!!!!

WHY THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU NEED TO DO THIS! LET THE FUCK LOAD!

I HATE WINDOWS! BUT THEN THERE ARE APPS WHO ARE FOR WINDOWS AND MAC ONLY!

I'M DYING NOW!!!!!!!!

FINE! EAT ALL MY 12 GB RAM AND FUCK YOURSELF IN THE CORNER BUT PET ME DO MY WORK!

I hate it because it is not properly visible from back and also why in this world you would do that...😒😒

Installing a software on Linux can be such a pain sometimes....
This software needs a dependency, which needs another, which in turn needs another......

I mean if you already know you need it, go install it yourself. Why do I need to do everything manually?

And no. A simple apt get install won't work. You need a third party dependency which adds the package to the repository and some other stuff before you can do anything.

Why? Just why?

A Front-end developer working on various front-end pages and AngularJS projects for many years recently asked me, "How do you build this HTML page from scratch?" I was secretly thinking, "Why don't you try Dreamweaver?". T_T

Why do people continue to ask me why I'm not just sending any - ANY - error/exception message in full length to the user.

Am I going nuts? You can't tell me that this is a good idea right?

I often ask myself why I chose this career path.

Right now, I had one of those moments where it all clicks and falls into place.

Where you can take a problem, have a rapid fire thought through your head and you've got all the modules in memory (pun unintended,) and it's just a case of touching keys.

I think that's why I do what I do. The feeling of satisfaction after you go 'I got it!'
🤙🤙

After writing ~200 lines of code and then unit testing it

THE TESTS ALL PASS!!!

then I run them again just to be sure and they all pass but mocha is saying I am getting 40ms lag on some of my tests...

Noooo!!!

This is meant to be an async message passing system; I cannot have an input lag of 40ms :(

“Why do you hate windows”

because this retarted os failed to boot today, i went to recovery mode and it automatically put windows boot manager above grub
FUCK YOU

"Check out these 7 things you can do to help you look younger"

Why is stuff like this on a Tech page?!

Why does this happen....
I go , hey I just finished this project (app for example since they the worst culprit)

Why ... Are the next words out of the other persons mouth is, oh I had an idea for an app ....

Why do they then proceed to tell you an app that exists , or an app that's ridiculous like

You know calenders ... Yeah I do... What about a calendar that syncs to your friends one when you want to do an event .... You mean Facebook events... Yeah but for calenders 🤔😥😒

Why does the general population think one.... It's easy to build and costs nothing and two that without research they have the best idea on earth.

Yay today my power extender broke!
(the thing that allows you to connect multiple devices to one sockiet, i dont remember the correct term)

That means i need to buy the new one! Because the old one is using rivots it means i cant repair it!

Stupic fucking lead free solder! Why do you even use this shit for connections? It will create those tin wiskers (small wires) that will short shit! This is the reason why my 3 old power extenders failed! And it is propably the reason why it failed as well!

Programmer friend: Dood, do this and this and show it to me, I'll say if it's good.
Me (noob): Okay, sure.

*next week*

F: So why did you stop coding?
M: Why do you think so?
F: You didn't show me your project in a week.
M: I was lazy?
F: LAZY?!?!

Was wondering why my builds/tests were taking so long. OH HEY THERE KASPERSKY WHY YOU TAKING UP 80% OF MY RESOURCES?!!
Just fuck this pile of shit. Cant it do a low intensity scan without completely blocking me from doing any work?!