> tfw linux disciples feel sooooo cool about being all techy, talking from a high horse while they almost always miss the point and never ever really landed in the economical reality

Google Cloud Platform.

- Fair pricing (no dumping prices to win customers)
- Easy to setup
- reliable infrastructure
- speed
- connectivity
- industry leader
- C'mon, it's google ;)

Step 1: Become a freelancer
Step 2: Enjoy working
Step 3: Get annoyed by doing all the backoffce
Step 4: Get hired instead
Step 5: Work hard
Step 6: Boss notices your talent
Step 7: Boss founds startup with you
Step 8: Repeat Step2 until you have to repeat Step4

Client: I can't login with my lastpass
Me: Oh, why not, how are you trying?
Client: So, I've entered my lastpass password into my bank account, and it says 'wrong login credentials'
Me: °-°

I just contacted the support of one of our service provider for virtual tours. I told them that the iframe will open the website (in target self) instead of playing the tour, and that our clients will most likely not come back to our site, when they don't see a "go back" or something. Best would be, if the iframe plays instead of opening a new tab.

Supports answer: "I sent you a video, there you can see how to get back to your website"

*sends a video of themself opening his browsing history and clicking our site*

A dream of every UX developer.

1) make a ordered list
2) prepare the props
3) specify a talking order
4) fuck everything because everyone does everything they want anyway
5) get a brutal amount of coffee*

funfact: my longest recent meeting was supposed to go for 30 minutes but we ended up talking about the position of a fucking infobox for 4 1/2 hours

What was your longest recent meeting?

*replace coffee with your favourite "fuck you, I am pretending to be awake" drink

38°C, sunday afternoon, client be like: "Omg, I need you, it's important, can you call me?"

*calls client*

"So I got this E-Mail that said my SEO could be improved alot, why didn't you do that"

*looks at auto generated spam mail, hangs up*

Spotify for beginners: Do not jump back to the previous song, do not skip more than six songs per hour, switch to private at every start, do not take a look at the songs in your current playlist, get ready being spammed with premium "offers" (unlock user experience for cash) and enjoy the shitty user experience. But hey, atleast the user interface is beautiful.

Spotify is like "Insta-Babes". "Beautiful" but trash.

dev> So, I've made a list, you only need to check the empty fields of the informations you want to be displayed

client> okay, so I have done the first X lines, there are only Y more left, you can get them by yourself when you look at the ones I've filled out.

dev> "gets them", shows them the client and codes everything after getting approved.

- delivers -

client> oh, well, yeah that would be correct but *insertvery specific industry information that only people knows that work in a management position in this industry*

-- like, just fill out the information I am asking you for, then we would have had not a single problem

Top three reasons why I love to code:

1) People will think you are a wizard and feel so afraid of you that they call you nerd and give you a office in a cold basement (especially good in summer times)

2) Your friends call you for every problem they have with their computer and will give you a few bucks or beers in exchange.

3) You can rant about technical stuff and no matter how unfounded the rant is, your non-tech friends will believe everything you say.