Hi, I am a Javascript apprentice. Can you help me with my project?

- Sure! What do you need?

Oh, it’s very simple, I just want to make a static webpage that shows a clock with the real time.

- Wait, why static? Why not dynamic?

I don’t know, I guess it’ll be easier.

- Well, maybe, but that’s boring, and if that’s boring you are not going to put in time, and if you’re not going to put in time, it’s going to be harder; so it’s better to start with something harder in order to make it easier.

You know that doesn’t make sense right?

- When you learn Javascript you’ll get it.

Okay, so I want to parse this date first to make the clock be universal for all the regions.

- You’re not going to do that by yourself right? You know what they say, don’t repeat yourself!

But it’s just two lines.

- Don’t reinvent the wheel!

Literally, Javascript has a built in library for t...

- One component per file!

I’m lost.

- It happens, and you’ll get lost managing your files as well. You should use Webpack or Browserify for managing your modules.

Doesn’t Javascript include that already?

- Yes, but some people still have previous versions of ECMAScript, so it wouldn’t be compatible.

What’s ECMAScript?

- Javascript

Why is it called ECMAScript then?

- It’s called both ways. Anyways, after you install Webpack to manage your modules, you still need a module and dependency manager, such as bower, or node package manager or yarn.

What does that have to do with my page?

- So you can install AngularJS.

What’s AngularJS?

- A Javascript framework that allows you to do complex stuff easily, such as two way data binding!

Oh, that’s great, so if I modify one sentence on a part of the page, it will automatically refresh the other part of the page which is related to the first one and viceversa?

- Exactly! Except two way data binding is not recommended, since you don’t want child components to edit the parent components of your app.

Then why make two way data binding in the first place?

- It’s backed up by Google. You just don’t get it do you?

I have installed AngularJS now, but it seems I have to redefine something called a... directive?

- AngularJS is old now, you should start using Angular, aka Angular 2.

But it’s the same name... wtf! Only 3 minutes have passed since we started talking, how are they in Angular 2 already?

- You mean 3.

2.

- 3.

4?

- 5.

6?

- Exactly.

Okay, I now know Angular 6.0, and use a component based architecture using only a one way data binding, I have read and started using the Design Patterns already described to solve my problem without reinventing the wheel using libraries such as lodash and D3 for a world map visualization of my clock as well as moment to parse the dates correctly. I also used ECMAScript 6 with Babel to secure backwards compatibility.

- That’s good.

Really?

- Yes, except you didn’t concatenate your html into templates that can be under a super Javascript file which can, then, be concatenated along all your Javascript files and finally be minimized in order to reduce latency. And automate all that process using Gulp while testing every single unit of your code using Jasmine or protractor or just the Angular built in unit tester.

I did.

- But did you use TypeScript?

Today, I learned the shortest command which will determine if a ping from your machine can reach the Internet:

ping 1.1

This parses as 1.0.0.1, which thanks to Cloudflare, is now the IP address of an Internet-facing machine which responds to ICMP pings.

Oh, you can also use this trick to parse 10.0.0.x from `10.x` or 127.0.0.1 from `127.1`. It's just like IPv6's :: notation, except less explicit.

Conversation today...

Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"

Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."

Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."

Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"

Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"

Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."

Guy: "But you said it was easy."

Well fuck you...

I don't write code, I just parse stack overflow answers.

Probably the biggest one in my life.
TL:DR at the bottom

A client wanted to create an online retirement calculator, sounds easy enough , i said sure.

Few days later i get an email with an excel file saying the online version has to work exactly like this and they're on a tight deadline

Having a little experience with excel, i thought eh, what could possibly go wrong, if anything i can take off the calculations from the excel file

I WAS WRONG !!!
17 Sheets, Linking each other, Passing data to each sheet to make the calculation
( Sure they had lot of stuff to calculate, like age, gender, financial group etc etc )

First thing i said to my self was, WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK IS THIS ?, WHAT YEAR IS THIS ?

After messing with it for couple of hours just to get one calculation out of it, i gave up

Thought about making a mysql database with the cell data and making the calculations, but NOOOO.
Whoever made it decided to put each cell a excel calculation ( so even if i manage to get it into a database and recode all the calculations it would be wayyy pass the deadline )

Then i had an epiphany

"What if i could just parse the excel file and get the data ?"
Did a bit of research sure enough there's a php project
( But i think it was outdated and takes about 15-25 seconds to parse, and makes a copy of the original file )

But this seemed like the best option at the time.
So downloaded the library, finished the whole thing, wrote a cron job to delete temporary files, and added a loading spinner for that delay, so people know something is happening
( and had few days to spare )

Sent the demo link to client, they were very happy with it, cause it worked same as their cute little excel file and gave the same result,

It's been live on their website for almost a year now, lot of submissions, no complains
I was feeling bit guilty just after finishing it, cause i could've done better, but not anymore

Sorry for making it so long, to understand the whole thing, you need to know the full story

TL:DR - Replicated the functionality of a 17 sheet excel calculator in php hack-ishly.

"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that holds all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.

~Record scratch.mp3

~Freeze frame.mp4

"You're probably wondering how we got to this stage? Let's wind back a little, shall we?"

~reverseRecordSound.wav

A light tapping was heard at the entrance of my office. 

"Oh hey [Boss] how are you doing?" I said politely

"Do you want to talk here, or do you want to talk in my office? I don't have anyone in my office right now, so..."

"Ok, we can go to your office," I said.

We walked momentarily, my eyes following the newly placed carpeting. 

Some words were shared, but nothing that seemed mildly important. Just necessary things to say. Platitudes, I supposed you could call them.

We get to his office, it was wider now because of some missing furniture. I quickly grab a seat.

"So tell me what you've been working on," I said politely.

"I just finished up on our [project] that required proper saving and restoring."

"Great! How did you pull it off?" I asked excitedly. 

He starts to explain to me what he did, and even opens up the UI to display the changes working correctly.

"That's pretty cool," admiring his work.

"But what's going on here? It looks like you deleted my class." I said, looking at his code.

"Oh, yeah, that. It looked like spaghetti code so I deleted it. It seemed really bulky and unnecessary for what we were doing."

"Wait, hold on," I said wildly surprised that he thought that a class with some simple setters and getters was spaghetti code.

"You mean to tell me that you deleted the class that organizes all our labels and spin boxes together?" I said exasperatedly.

"Yeah! I put everything in a list of lists."

"What, that's not efficient at all!" I exclaimed

"Well, I mean look at what you were doing here,"  he said, as he displays to me my old code. 

"What's confusing about that?" I asked politely, but a little unnerved that he did something like this.

"Well I mean look at this," he said, now showing his "improved" code. 

"We don't have that huge block of code (referring to my class) anymore filling up the file." He said almost a little too joyously. 

"Ok, hold on," I said to him, waving my hand. "Go back to my code and I can show you how it is working. Here we are getting all the labels and spin boxes into their own objects." I said pointing a little further down in the code. "Down here we are returning the spin boxes we want to work with. Here and here, are setters so we can set maximum and minimum values for the spin box."

"Oh... I guess that's not that complicated. but still, that doesn't seem like really good bookkeeping." He said. 

"Well, there are some people that would argue with you on that," I said, thinking about devRant.

He quickly switches back to his code and shows me what he did. "Look, here." He said pointing to his list of lists. "We have our spin boxes and labels all called and accounted for. And further down we can use a for loop to parse through them."

He then drags both our version of the code and shows the differences. I pause him for a moment

"Hold on, you mean you think this" I'm now pointing at my setters "is more spaghetti than this" I'm now pointing at his list of lists.

"I mean yeah, it makes more sense to me to do it this way for the sake of bookkeeping because I don't understand your Object Oriented Programming stuff."

...

After some time of going back and forth on this, he finally said to me.
"It doesn't matter, this is my project."

Honestly, I was a little heart broken, because it may be his project but part of me is still in there. Part of my effort in making it the best it can be is in there.

I'm sorry, but it's just as much my project as it is yours.

Found on Reddit, with @vanz

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

What an interesting CAPTCHA...
I hope they parse their input right 😉

Spent most of the day debugging issues with a new release. Logging tool was saying we were getting HTTP 400’s and 500’s from the backend. Couldn’t figure it out.

Eventually found the backend sometimes sends down successful responses but with statusCode 500 for no reason what so ever. Got so annoyed ... but said the 400’s must be us so can’t blame them for everything.

Turns out backend also sometimes does the opposite. Sends down errors with HTTP 200’s. A junior app Dev was apparently so annoyed that backend wouldn’t fix it, that he wrote code to parse the response, if it contained an error, re-wrote the statusCode to 400 and then passed the response up to the next layer. He never documented it before he left.

Saving the best part for last. Backend says their code is fine, it must be one of the other layers (load balancers, proxies etc) managed by one of the other teams in the company ... we didn’t contact any of these teams, no no no, that would require effort. No we’ve just blamed them privately and that’s that.

#successfulRelease

Backend internship interview

They: Can you reverse the given string without using pointers? (C++)
Me: Yeah, sure
*Then I start explaining how I am gonna approach the problem and such*
They: Ok, we understand that you can do it, now can you write a front-end that has a couple of routes. Also, these routes should have some sort of list views because we want you to print information **attention** that you are going to parse from Amazon inside those list views.

Me: *dumbfounded and trying to explain that am not a front-end developer*
They: But we still want you to do this.

Use regex to parse HTML.

I send a PR to your GitHub repo.
You close it without a word.

I tell you that your lib crashes because you're trying to parse JavaScript with a (bad) regex, but you keep insisting that no, there exist no problem, and even if you barely know what "parsing" means, you keep denying in front of the evidence.

Well fuck you and your shitty project. I'll keep using my fucking fork.

And if you're reading this, well, fuck you twice. Moron.

"Use a regex to parse that HTML file"

Someone at Google forgot how to parse Date.

Ok, rant incoming.
Dates. Frigging dates. Apparently we as a species are so bloody incompetent we cannot even decide on a one format for how to write today. No, instead we have one for every language and framework, because every moron thinks they know better how to write the date. All of them equivalent and all of them different enough to make me start lactating out of frustration trying to parse this garbage... And when you finally manage to parse it on one platform it turns out that your ORM just decided to use the less common version of the date, and have fun converting one to the other. I hope that ever time someone comes up with a new date format will be hit in a face with a red hot frying pan untill they give up programming in favour of growing cactuses.

When I found out my JSON didn't parse because I used single instead of double quotes after two hours

You like my stickers?

Had an interview in a MNC company.

He: Propose a solution for reading huge logs file like 1 GB and parse errors with today's date.

Me: Gave two solution, one with regex and second with buffering the logs (reason: reading the entire in same shot will cause cpu spike with huge memory consumption) and I fell in love with my second approach. By the way it was on paper.

He: (Without seeing the logic) Your syntax is wrong.

Me: Got frustrated who the hell checks syntax in interview. I asked how may years of experience you have?

He: 10 years.

Me: I don't wanna continue, and I left.

Ah certbot you sexy pain in the ass.

# certbot renew
> "Error: unable to parse files ..."
> 2 certificates renewed.

🤔I don't know how you worked, but you keep working!!

I know you guys probably have seen the worst of the worst...

But have you seen a js used to generate xml and send it to backend as json then parse it to xml? No template literals btw so there’s a lot of multiline with lots of + here and there

Or using sql to request web service?

Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."

I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.

The tech stack at my current gig is the worst shit I’ve ever dealt with...

I can’t fucking stand programs, especially browser based programs, to open new windows. New tab, okay sure, ideally I just want the current tab I’m on to update when I click on a link.

Ticketing system: Autotask
Fucking opens up with a crappy piss poor sorting method and no proper filtering for ticket views. Nope you have to go create a fucking dashboard to parse/filter the shit you want to see. So I either have to go create a metric-arse tonne of custom ticket views and switch between them or just use the default turdburger view. Add to that that when I click on a ticket, it opens another fucking window with the ticket information. If I want to do time entry, it just feels some primal need to open another fucking window!!! Then even if I mark the ticket complete it just minimizes the goddamn second ticket window. So my jankbox-supreme PC that my company provided gets to strugglepuff along trying to keep 10 million chrome windows open. Yeah, sure 6GB of ram is great for IT work, especially when using hot steaming piles of trashjuice software!

I have to manually close these windows regularly throughout the day or the system just shits the bed and halts.

RMM tool: Continuum
This fucker takes the goddamn soggy waffle award for being utterly fucking useless. Same problem with the windows as autotask except this special snowflake likes to open a login prompt as a full-fuck-mothering-new window when we need to open a LMI rescue session!!! I need to enter a username and a password. That’s it! I don’t need a full screen window to enter credentials! FUCK!!! Btw the LMI tools only work like 70% of the time and drag ass compared to literally every other remote support tool I’ve ever used. I’ve found that it’s sometimes just faster to walk someone through enabling RDP on their system then remoting in from another system where LMI didn’t decide to be fully suicidal and just kill itself.

Our fucking chief asshat and sergeant fucknuts mcdoogal can’t fucking setup anything so the antivirus software is pushed to all client systems but everything is just set to the default site settings. Absolutely zero care or thought or effort was put forth and these gorilla spunk drinking, rimjob jockey motherfuckers sell this as a managed AntiVirus.

We use a shitty password manager than no one besides I use because there is a fully unencrypted oneNote notebook that everyone uses because fuck security right? “Sometimes it’s just faster to have the passwords at the ready without having to log into the password manager.” Chief Asshat in my first week on the job.

Not to mention that windows server is unlicensed in almost every client environment, the domain admin password is same across multiple client sites, is the same password to log into firewalls, and office 365 environments!!!

I’ve brought up tons of ways to fix these problems, but they have their heads so far up their own asses getting high on undeserved smugness since “they have been in business for almost ten years”. Like, Whoop Dee MotherFucking Doo! You have only been lucky to skate by with this dumpster fire you call a software stack, you could probably fill 10 olympic sized swimming pools to the brim with the logarrhea that flows from your gullets not only to us but also to your customers, and you won’t implement anything that is good for you, your company, or your poor clients because you take ten minutes to try and understand something new.

I’m fucking livid because I’m stuck in a position where I can’t just quit and work on my business full time. I’m married and have a 6m old baby. Between both my wife and I working we barely make ends meet and there’s absolutely zero reason that I couldn’t be providing better service to customers without having to lie through my teeth to them and I could easily support my family and be about 264826290461% happier!

But because we make so little, I can’t scrap together enough money to get Terranimbus (my startup) bootstrapped. We have zero expendable/savable income each month and it’s killing my soul. It’s so fucking frustrating knowing that a little time and some capital is all that stands between a better life for my family and I and being able to provide a better overall service out there over these kinds of shady as fuck knob gobblers.

Senior colleagues insisting on ALWAYS returning HTTP status 200 and sticking any error codes in the contained JSON response instead of using 4×× or 5×× statuses.

Bad input? Failed connections? Missing authorization? Doesn't matter, you get an OK. Wanna know if the request actually succeeded? Fuck you, parse potential kilobytes of JSON to get to the error code!

Am I the asshole or is that defeating the purpose of a status code?!

!dev && feelsbadman

I don't know what to think.
All I know is that I just went reaaaaal close to a disaster.

Friday morning, my "scariest" manager (as in, if you have to meet with him, it's usally for something serious) told me that he needed to see me on monday (so today) with the lead dev, the project manager and the dude who recruited me.

The meeting was like an arena of 4 vs 1, where they all 4 had problem with the work I do, as in I make a lot of small but stupid mistakes that wastes everyone's time. As an excuse, I suffer from sleep apnea so I wake up as tired I am when I go to sleep, and I snore loud as fuck. I've heard some records, it's not even human. (I'm 1m85-ish for 125 kg, it's BIG but with my morphology it's not like I'm a ball of fat)

Anyway. And since it's not the first time they're reproaching me this kind of stuff, they were all... really angry. Because I'm a nice guy, competent and all but not productive enough and easily distracted.

So, when the manager asked me to meet me, it was to fire me. However, during the lunch break, the lead dev found a solution: I get out of the current project I was in until this morning, and I write all the functional tests for all the projects, because they all lack quality and we sometimes deliver regresses.

They proposed me this in a way I could refuse, and I'd get fired because they had no other options. Obviously, I said yes, I'm not stupid enough to decline a possibilty to avoid a monstruous shitstorm that would have cut me my studies, the money for taxes, and a lot of fun to find a job as fast as possible.

But what surprised me the most is that they were genuinely glad I accepted, like, even though I made my shit ton of mistakes, they weren't pleased at all to get rid of me.

And in a way, I'm the one who won in this story, since I don't have to work with Drupal anymore, excepted to parse the website to write my tests, but my nightmare fuel is finally gone *.*

I don't know where to finish with this rant, but I needed to vent this whole thing, to write it somewhere so I can move forward.

I wish y'all a nice week.

writing an assembler for my compiler, Manticore.

Currently working on writing a hand written parser and parse tree node system.

One thing I learnt after over two years of working as a programmer is that sometimes making your code DRY is less important than making your code readable, ESPECIALLY if you're working on a shared codebase. All those abstractions and metaprogramming may look good in your eyes, but might cause your teammates their coding time because they need to parse your mini-framework. So code wisely and choose the best approach that works FOR YOUR TEAM.

I know it's not done yet but OOOOOH boy I'm proud already.

Writing a JSON parser in Lua and MMMM it can parse arrays! It converts to valid Lua types, respects the different quotation marks, works with nested objects, and even is fault-tolerant to a degree (ignoring most invalid syntax)

Here's the JSON array I wrote to test, the call to my function, and another call to another function I wrote to pretty print the result. You can see the types are correctly parsed, and the indentation shows the nested structure! (You can see the auto-key re-start at 1)

Very proud. Just gotta make it work for key/value objects (curly bracket bois) and I'm golden! (Easier said than done. Also it's 3am so fuck, dude)

Doing linguistic research where I need to parse 2000 files of a total of 36 GB. Since we are using python the first thing I thought was to implement multi threading. Now I changed the total runtime from three days to like one day and a half. But then when I checked the activity monitor I saw only 20 percent of the CPU usage. After a searching process I started to understand how multi threading and multi processing works. Moral of the story: if you want to ping a website till they block you or do easy tasks that will not use up all power of one core, do multi thrading. If you need to do something complicated that can easily consume all the powers of a single CPU core, split up the work and do multi processing. In my case, when I tried to grab information from a website, I did multi thrading since the work is easy and I really wanted to pin the website 16 times simultaneously but only have 4 cores. But when it come to text processing which a single file will take 80 percent of cpu, split it up and do multi processing.

This is just a post for those who are confused with when to use which.

Woke up at 5am with the realization that I could use regular expressions to parse the string representation of regular expressions to build this program to parse regular expressions into more human-readable English.

I am so tired.

I fucking hate the web guy.
He says - make a pop-up of the raw text you're receiving (in the app) so that I can test it easily while I fix it.
I did it.
Now he laughs and says - I think you searched for it and simply copied from wrong example. All you had to do was handle the text and parse it and display it blablabla instead of simply popping up the raw text.
Thank you I flipping KNOW all of that, you stuck up obnoxious frog. I did it that way initially and uploaded it coz you SAID so! Why do you ALWAYS have to talk like I know nothing!?

CR: "Add x here (to y) so it fits our code standards"
> No other Y has an X. None.

CR: "Don't ever use .html_safe"
> ... Can't render html without it. Also, it's already been sanitized, literally by sanitize(), written by the security team.

CR: "Haven't seen the code yet; does X change when resetting the password?"
> The feature doesn't have or reference passwords. It doesn't touch anything even tangentially related to passwords.
> Also: GO READ THE CODE! THAT'S YOUR BLOODY JOB!

CR: "Add an 'expired?' method that returns '!active'?"
> Inactive doesn't mean expired. Yellow doesn't mean sour. There's already an 'is_expired?' method.

CR: "For logging, always use json so we can parse it. Doesn't matter if we can't read it; tools can."
CR: "For logging, never link log entries to user-readable code references; it's a security concern."
CR: "Make sure logging is human-readable and text-searchable and points back to the code."
> Confused asian guy, his hands raised.

CR: "Move this data formatting from the view into the model."
> No. Views are for formatting.

CR: "Use .html() here since you're working with html"
> .html() does not support html. It converts arrays into html.

NONE OF THIS IS USEFUL! WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME IF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ MY CODE!?

dfjasklfagjklewrjakfljasdf

A dev team has been spending the past couple of weeks working on a 'generic rule engine' to validate a marketing process. The “Buy 5, get 10% off” kind of promotions.

The UI has all the great bits, drop-downs, various data lookups, etc etc..

What the dev is storing the database is the actual string representation FieldA=“Buy 5, get 10% off” that is “built” from the UI.

Might be OK, but now they want to apply that string to an actual order. Extract ‘5’, the word ‘Buy’ to apply to the purchase quantity rule, ‘10%’ and the word ‘off’ to subtract from the total.

Dev asked me:

Dev: “How can I use reflection to parse the string and determine what are integers, decimals, and percents?”
Me: “That sounds complicated. Why would you do that?”
Dev: “It’s only a string. Parsing it was easy. First we need to know how to extract numbers and be able to compare them.”
Me: “I’ve seen the data structures, wouldn’t it be easier to serialize the objects to JSON and store the string in the database? When you deserialize, you won’t have to parse or do any kind of reflection. You should try to keep the rule behavior as simple as possible. Developing your own tokenizer that relies on reflection and hoping the UI doesn’t change isn’t going to be reliable.”
Dev: “Tokens!...yea…tokens…that’s what we want. I’ll come up with a tokenizing algorithm that can utilize recursion and reflection to extract all the comparable data structures.”
Me: “Wow…uh…no, don’t do that. The UI already has to map the data, just make it easy on yourself and serialize that object. It’s like one line of code to serialize and deserialize.”
Dev: “I don’t know…sounds like magic. Using tokens seems like the more straightforward O-O approach. Thanks anyway.”

I probably getting too old to keep up with these kids, I have no idea what the frack he was talking about. Not sure if they are too smart or I’m too stupid/lazy. Either way, I keeping my name as far away from that project as possible.

[CMS of Doom™]
The gift that keeps on giving...
When you think you've seen it all after 7 months in legacy hell, you get another gift:

Let's say you use PHP, but your IQ is in the zero-ish range, then it is obvious to:
- use define() for constants in all your config.*.php files
- then include said config.*.php files multiple times
- and because define() doesn't overwrite the same constant, because it's - you know - a constant, you instead of including just do a file_get_contents() to read the PHP file as string and then parse the values by Regex.

The dev who wrote this was truly one of the devs ever.

YOU CANNOT parse CSV by just splitting the string by commas.

YOU CANNOT generate CSV by just outputting the raw values separated by commas.

CSV is not the magical parseless data format. You need to read fields in quotations, and newlines inside of fields shouldn't prematurely end the row.

Do it fucking right holy shit.

>Middle of night
>css not getting applied conditionally
>a simple ng-class
>me raging
>fuck angular's digest loop
>fuck dom and not giving parse errors
>fuck my life
>Coworker is also confused
>after 1hr, what it could be
>A typo, ifStudent->isStudent
>😑

I've optimised so many things in my time I can't remember most of them.

Most recently, something had to be the equivalent off `"literal" LIKE column` with a million rows to compare. It would take around a second average each literal to lookup for a service that needs to be high load and low latency. This isn't an easy case to optimise, many people would consider it impossible.

It took my a couple of hours to reverse engineer the data and implement a few hundred line implementation that would look it up in 1ms average with the worst possible case being very rare and not too distant from this.

In another case there was a lookup of arbitrary time spans that most people would not bother to cache because the input parameters are too short lived and variable to make a difference. I replaced the 50000+ line application acting as a middle man between the application and database with 500 lines of code that did the look up faster and was able to implement a reasonable caching strategy. This dropped resource consumption by a minimum of factor of ten at least. Misses were cheaper and it was able to cache most cases. It also involved modifying the client library in C to stop it unnecessarily wrapping primitives in objects to the high level language which was causing it to consume excessive amounts of memory when processing huge data streams.

Another system would download a huge data set for every point of sale constantly, then parse and apply it. It had to reflect changes quickly but would download the whole dataset each time containing hundreds of thousands of rows. I whipped up a system so that a single server (barring redundancy) would download it in a loop, parse it using C which was much faster than the traditional interpreted language, then use a custom data differential format, TCP data streaming protocol, binary serialisation and LZMA compression to pipe it down to points of sale. This protocol also used versioning for catchup and differential combination for additional reduction in size. It went from being 30 seconds to a few minutes behind to using able to keep up to with in a second of changes. It was also using so much bandwidth that it would reach the limit on ADSL connections then get throttled. I looked at the traffic stats after and it dropped from dozens of terabytes a month to around a gigabyte or so a month for several hundred machines. The drop in the graphs you'd think all the machines had been turned off as that's what it looked like. It could now happily run over GPRS or 56K.

I was working on a project with a lot of data and noticed these huge tables and horrible queries. The tables were all the results of queries. Someone wrote terrible SQL then to optimise it ran it in the background with all possible variable values then store the results of joins and aggregates into new tables. On top of those tables they wrote more SQL. I wrote some new queries and query generation that wiped out thousands of lines of code immediately and operated on the original tables taking things down from 30GB and rapidly climbing to a couple GB.

Another time a piece of mathematics had to generate all possible permutations and the existing solution was factorial. I worked out how to optimise it to run n*n which believe it or not made the world of difference. Went from hardly handling anything to handling anything thrown at it. It was nice trying to get people to "freeze the system now".

I build my own frontend systems (admittedly rushed) that do what angular/react/vue aim for but with higher (maximum) performance including an in memory data base to back the UI that had layered event driven indexes and could handle referential integrity (overlay on the database only revealing items with valid integrity) or reordering and reposition events very rapidly using a custom AVL tree. You could layer indexes over it (data inheritance) that could be partial and dynamic.

So many times have I optimised things on automatic just cleaning up code normally. Hundreds, thousands of optimisations. It's what makes my clock tick.

Well, if your tests fails because it expects 1557525600000 instead of 1557532800000 for a date it tells you exactly: NOTHING.

Unix timestamp have their point, yet in some cases human readability is a feature. So why the fuck don't you display them not in a human readable format?

Now if you'd see:

2019-05-10T22:00:00+00:00

vs the expected

2019-05-11T00:00:00+00:00

you'd know right away that the first date is wrong by an offset of 2 hours because somebody fucked up timezones and wasn't using a UTC calculation.

So even if want your code to rely on timestamps, at least visualize your failures in a human readable way. (In most cases I argue that keeping dates as an iso string would be JUST FUCKING FINE performance-wise.)

Why do have me parse numbers? Show me the meaningful data.

Timestamps are for computers, dates are for humans.

"I'm almost done, I'll just need to add tests!"

Booom! You did it, that was a nuke going off in my head.

No, you shouldn't just need to add tests. The tests should have been written from the get go! You most likely won't cover all the cases. You won't know if adding the tests will break your feature, as you had none, as you refactor your untested mess in order to make your code testable.

When reading your mess of a test case and the painful mocking process you went through, I silently cry out into the void: "Why oh why!? All of this suffering could have been avoided!"

Since most of the time, your mocking pain boils down to not understanding what your "unit" in your "unit test" should be.

So let it be said:

- If you want to build a parser for an XML file, then just write a function / class whose *only* purpose is: parse the XML file, return a value object. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
- If you want to build a parser for an XML file, it MUST NOT: download a zip, extract that zip, merge all those files to one big file, parse that big file, talk to some other random APIs as a side-effect, and then return a value object.

Because then you suddenly have to mock away a http service and deal with zip files in your test cases.

The http util of your programming language will most likely work. Your unzip library will most likely work. So just assume it working. There are valid use cases where you want to make sure you acutally send a request and get a response, yet I am talking unit test here only.

In the scope of a class, keep the public methods to a reasonable minimum. As for each public method you shall at least create one test case. If you ever have the feeling "I want to test that private method" replace that statement in your head with: "I should extract that functionality to a new class where that method public. I then can create a unit test case a for that." That new service then becomes a dependency in your current service. Problem solved.

Also, mocking away dependencies should a simple process. If your mocking process fills half the screen, your test setup is overly complicated and your class is doing too much.

That's why I currently dig functional programming so much. When you build pure functions without side effects, unit tests are easy to write. Yet you can apply pure functions to OOP as well (to a degree). Embrace immutability.

Sidenote:

It's really not helpful that a lot of developers don't understand the difference between unit, functional acceptance, integration testing. Then they wonder why they can't test something easily, write overly complex test cases, until someone points out to them: No, in the scope of unit tests, we don't need to test our persistance layer. We just assume that it works. We should only test our businsess logic. You know: "Assuming that I get that response from the database, I expect that to happen." You don't need a test db, make a real query against that, in order to test that. (That still is a valid thing to do. Yet not in the scope of unit tests.)

alright... so thats how you parse JSON in javascript in 2019? i'm vomiting right now...

!dev - cybersecurity related.

This is a semi hypothetical situation. I walked into this ad today and I know I'd have a conversation like this about this ad but I didn't this time, I had convo's like this, though.

*le me walking through the city centre with a friend*
*advertisement about a hearing aid which can be updated through remote connection (satellite according to the ad) pops up on screen*

Friend: Ohh that looks usefu.....
Me: Oh damn, what protocol would that use?
Does it use an encrypted connection?
How'd the receiving end parse the incoming data?
What kinda authentication might the receiving end use?
Friend: wha..........
Me: What system would the hearing aid have?
Would it be easy to gain RCE (Remote Code Execution) to that system through the satellite connection and is this managed centrally?
Could you do mitm's maybe?
What data encoding would the transmissions/applications use?
Friend: nevermind.... ._________.

Cybersecurity mindset much...!

🐉

I once wrote a room planning application on unity, to allow people in my company to book meetings using tablets attached to the room doors.
Turns out the c# Datetime object unity uses was highly localized and therefore had a different formats on each different device.
I saved those timestamps into a SQL database and eventually all devices crashed due to having some Datetime format they could not parse.
Had to fully bypass the datetime and reinvent it essentially and had to reset the database.

I think it's needless to say I'm not particularly good in dating.

Don't you hate it when your co-worker does dumb things, but thinks it's the "clean code" way?
The following is a conversation between me and a co-worker, who thinks he's superior to everyone because he thinks he's the only one who read the Clean Code series. Let's call him Bill.

Me: I think the feature we need is quite simple, our application needs to call this third party API, parse the response and pass it to the next step. Why do you need to bury everything under an abstraction of 4 layers?
Bill: bEcAuSe It'S dEcOuPlInG, aNd MaKe ThE cOdE tEsTaBlE
Me: I don't know man, you only need to abstract the third party api client, and then mock it if you want. Some interfaces you define makes no sense at all. For example, this interface only has 1 concrete implementation, and I don't think it will ever have another. Besides, the concrete implementation only gets the input from the upper layer and passes it down the lower layer. Why the extra step? I feel like you're using interface just for the sake of interface.
Bill: PrOgRaMmInG tO iNtErFaCe, NoT cOnCrEtE iPlEmEnTaTiOn!!!
Me: You keep saying those words, I don't think they mean what you think they mean. But they certainly do not mean that every method argument must be an interface
Bill: BuT uNcLe BoB blah blah blah...
Me: *gives up all hope*

I rewrote my static website generation from jekyll to custom python code over single night.
Literally all jekyll plugins I use including seo, rss, syntax highlighting inside markdown content, sitemap, social plugins, css sass, all of it.
Now it’s around 400 lines of python code that I understand completely. I didn’t touch any existing templates and after comparing output I got even better results now and it’s working faster.
I skipped drafts as I don’t need them now.

Why ? Cause now I can make better generator for my side projects that can include some partial website generation, better modification and date handling, tree structure, etc.

What I will do now is that I will parse bunch of content to create markdown files that will be sucked by this generator to create static web pages that will flood internet lol.

Still I didn’t believe it was possible to rewrite all of it so quickly. I sit yesterday around 4pm and finished around 6am.
I started thinking that maybe I am crazy and no one can help me.

I'M BACK TO MY WEBDEV ADVENTURES GUYS! IT TOOK ME LIKE 4 MONTHS TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DEPRESSED SO I CAN ACTUALLY STAND TO WORK ON IT AGAIN

I learned that the linear gradient looks cool as FUCK. Honestly not too fond of the colors I have right now, but I just wanted to have something there cause I can change it later. The page has evolved a bunch from my original concept.

My original concept was the bar in the middle just being a URL bar and having links on the sides. If I had kept that, it would have taken me a few hours to get done. But as time went on when I was working on it, my idea kept changing. Added the weather (had a forecast for a while but the code was gross and I never looked at the next days anyways, so I got rid of it and kept the current data). I wanted to attempt an RSS reader, but yesterday I was about to start writing the JavaScript to parse the feeds, then decided "nah", ended up making the space into a todo list.

The URL bar changed into a full command bar (writing the functions for the commands now, also used to config smaller things, such as the user@hostname part, maybe colors, weather data for city and API key, etc)....also it can open URLs and subreddits (that part works flawlessly). The bar uses a regex to detect if it's a legit URL (even added shit so I don't need http:// or https://), and if it's not, just search using duckduckgo (maybe I'll add a config option there too for search engines).

At this very moment it doesn't even take a second to fully load. It fetches weather data from openweathermap, parses it, and displays it, then displays the "user" name grabbing a localstorage value.

I'm considering adding a sidebar with links (configurable obviously, I want everything to be dynamic, so someone else could use my page if they wanted), but I'm not too sure about it.

It's not on git yet because I was waiting until I get some shit finished today before I commit. From the picture, I want to know if anyone has any suggestions for it. Also note that I am NOT a designer. I can't design for shit.

4 hours! four fucking hours! f.o.u.r. h.o.u.r.s.!
It's the amount in the time domain this bug has cost me to fix. The cost in the sanity domain is immeasurable...
I swear, the god damn ass births of devs who coded this abomination should be slowly mutilated and then raped by their own severed limbs.
It took me 4 hours to figure out that their 12 year old binary CLI tool they used to generate PDFs from PHP could not handle neither HTML5 nor some linebreaks at specific places. Some part of it is due to them using REGEX to find and replace HTML tag.
Yes, I am indeed very pissed. And I need a 🥃 or 3

What we learned:
- Don't use REGEX to "parse" HTML
- Don't call random compiled CLI tools from PHP if there are PHP packages to do the same shit

oh, it got better!

One year ago I got fed up with my daily chores at work and decided to build a robot that does them, and does them better and with higher accuracy than I could ever do (or either of my teammates). So I did it. And since it was my personal initiative, I wasn't given any spare time to work on it. So that leaves gaps between my BAU tasks and personal time after working hours.

Regardless, I spent countless hours building the thing. It's not very large, ~50k LoC, but for a single person with very little time, it's quite a project to make.

The result is a pure-Java slack-bot and a REST API that's utilized by the bot. The bot knows how to parse natural language, how to reply responses in human-friendly format and how to shout out errors in human-friendly manner. Also supports conversation contexts (e.g. asks for additional details if needed before starting some task), and some other bells and whistles. It's a pretty cool automaton with a human-friendly human-like UI.

A year goes by. Management decides that another team should take this project over. Well okay, they are the client, the code is technically theirs.

The team asks me to do the knowledge transfer. Sounds reasonable. Okay.. I'll do it. It's my baby, you are taking it over - sure, I'll teach you how to have fun with it.

Then they announce they will want to port this codebase to use an excessive, completely rudimentary framework (in this project) and hog of resources - Spring. I was startled... They have a perfectly running lightweight pure-java solution, suitable for lambdas (starts up in 0.3sec), having complete control over all the parts of the machinery. And they want to turn it into a clunky, slow monster, riddled with Reflection, limited by the framework, allowing (and often encouraging) bad coding practices.

When I asked "what problem does this codebase have that Spring is going to solve" they replied me with "none, it's just that we're more used to maintaining Spring projects"

sure... why not... My baby is too pretty and too powerful for you - make it disgusting first thing in the morning! You own it anyway..

Then I am asked to consult them on how is it best to make the port. How to destroy my perfectly isolated handlers and merge them into monstrous @Controller classes with shared contexts and stuff. So you not only want to kill my baby - you want me to advise you on how to do it best.

sure... why not...

I did what I was asked until they ran into classloader conflicts (Spring context has its own classloaders). A few months later the port is not yet complete - the Spring version does not boot up. And they accidentally mention that a demo is coming. They'll be demoing that degenerate abomination to the VP.
The port was far from ready, so they were going to use my original version. And once again they asked me "what do you think we should show in the demo?"

You took my baby. You want to mutilate it. You want me to advise on how to do that best. And now you want me to advise on "which angle would it be best to look at it".

I wasn't invited to the demo, but my colleagues were. After the demo they told me mgmt asked those devs "why are you porting it to Spring?" and they answered with "because Spring will open us lots of possibilities for maintenance and extension of this project"

That hurts.
I can take a lot. But man, that hurts.

I wonder what else have they planned for me...

Recently for a project I needed to read/write ID3 tags from MP3 files. And after a long search, I found this bloated, monolithic but quite stable library, "getID3".

So, I was looking through the code-base and I found this. This guy literally storing the key value based data embedded as comments within the class file. Then wrote a method to parse the data and even used caching to ensure maximum speed! And such usage is repeated all over the code-base.

So, this is what people used do before arrays were invented :3

I made a functional parsing layer for an API that cleans http body json. The functions return insights about the received object and the result of the parse attempt. Then I wrote validation in the controller to determine if we will reject or accept. If we reject, parse and validation information is included on the error response so that the API consumer knows exactly why it was rejected. The code was super simple to read and maintain.

I demoed to the team and there was one hold out that couldn’t understand my decision to separate parse and validate. He decided to rewrite the two layers plus both the controller and service into one spaghetti layer. The team lead avoided conflict at all cost and told me that even though it was far worse code to “give him this”. We still struggle with the spaghetti code he wrote to this day.

When sugar-coating someone’s engineering inadequacies is more important than good engineering I think about quitting. He was literally the only one on the team that didn’t get it.

Me: yo DEV2 parse this string into a hashmap. Use regex, 2 rows of code are enough for the job
DEV2: implemented 40 rows of switch/if cases into nested for loop.

Please kill me 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🇮🇹

Writing the new software dev test for our incoming interview process.

Me: And here is where we ask them to parse HTML with regex.

Lead developer: You are fucked up and the villain of this movie, multiverse and everything in between, fk u.

CMS Admin: And I thought Palpatine was evil. That is legit fucked up, fk u.

I feel like Stackoverflow is a fastfood for programmers mind. It gives you a solution you starve for. It may be not the best quality, but it works for now. It does not satisfy you in a long run, and may be too shallow for advancing. But it works and gives you more to think about.

I would never find a quick solution to parse a string with regex. I never thought it works this way. But hey, I'm happy.

That moment when you're doing regex to parse regex expression stored in a file whose name you found using a regex on input. Regex-ception

When you are googling something about Parse.com for a new language and the first 35000 results are "how to parse $something in $language"

Your data is formatted according to some ISO? Nice. You say it's easy to use and well documented? Great!

IT'S FUCKING FORMATTED WITH IRREGULAR SPACING??

What the fuck is this formatting?

Date <tab> Word <3 spaces> Some conjugated version <ONE space> Type <FIVE spaces> gender

WHAT
WHY
WHY ISNT IT XML
WHY ISNT IT JSON
WHY THE TABULATOR AND IRREGULAR SPACES
WHY DOES THE ORDER CHANGE PER LINE
WHY IS THIS IN A SINGLE 1MIL LINE FILE

help the university of oslo makes me dysphoric in their dictionaries i really dont want to parse this

Who the fuck uses http code 200 for a failure. Seriously have you ever heard something about a need to parse the shit you're returning...

Now I don't know whether it's me who's wrong, but man there are more than 80 different codes defined so there really should be something for you, don't you think?

And don't give me shit like "well the request worked so we return 200 it's only that the request wasn't correct". What for a fucking peace of something are you... Those codes are for that exact reason.

Anyways I'm going to parse the shit with string compare and afterwards kill myself out of shame. Whish me luck...

Why would you ask me the diferrence between parseInt and parseFloat? When you were the first person who was unable to fix the decimal to two using parseFloat? 😝

Writing a function to take a string of delimited entities, parse each character to find the separators, capture the characters in between separators, and return an array of entities.

I used this for about a year before I learned about String.split()

Yeah.

Me, the only iOS dev at work one day, and colleague (who we'll call AndroidBoy), the only Android dev at work that same day (he's been working with us for less than two months). There was a change in one of the jsons we received from the server: instead of receiving a list, we now received a dictionary with strings as keys and lists as values. My iOS colleague had already made this modification on our parse function the day before.

AndroidBoy: "Hey what happened with the json?"
Me: "Oh, well instead of parsing a list, we'll parse a dictionary and get the list from each key. You basically have to do the same thing, only this time the lists are organized into categories."
AndroidBoy: "Oh, ok. But I don't know how to parse a dictionary while using Retrofit." (Context: Retrofit is a framework for request handling - correct me if I am mistaken, that's just what I've been told)
Me: "Sucks, dude, can't help ya. I've never worked with that and don't have that much exp. with Android."

I go out for a cigarette break. When I return, AndroidBoy is nowhere to be seen and suddenly I can't seem to get that data in my app. AndroidBoy comes in from the room where the backend colleagues work.

AndroidBoy: "Solved it!"
Me: "Solved what?"
AndroidBoy: "I told them to change back to a list and just put the key inside the objects of the list."

... he used the precious time of the backend colleagues to change the thing back hust because he was too lazy to search how to parse a dictionary. I was so amazed by his answer, that I didn't know whether to laugh, scream at him or punch him in the face. Not to mention the fact that now I had to revert just so he could avoid that extra work.

You know that feeling when you're coding late at night and you get an error that you just can't parse with your tired brain, and go FUCK IT ALL, FUCK IT ALL

I'm having that feeling right about now...

Want to make someone's life a misery? Here's how.

Don't base your tech stack on any prior knowledge or what's relevant to the problem.

Instead design it around all the latest trends and badges you want to put on your resume because they're frequent key words on job postings.

Once your data goes in, you'll never get it out again. At best you'll be teased with little crumbs of data but never the whole.

I know, here's a genius idea, instead of putting data into a normal data base then using a cache, lets put it all into the cache and by the way it's a volatile cache.

Here's an idea. For something as simple as a single log lets make it use a queue that goes into a queue that goes into another queue that goes into another queue all of which are black boxes. No rhyme of reason, queues are all the rage.

Have you tried: Lets use a new fangled tangle, trust me it's safe, INSERT BIG NAME HERE uses it.

Finally it all gets flushed down into this subterranean cunt of a sewerage system and good luck getting it all out again. It's like hell except it's all shitty instead of all fiery.

All I want is to export one table, a simple log table with a few GB to CSV or heck whatever generic format it supports, that's it.

So I run the export table to file command and off it goes only less than a minute later for timeout commands to start piling up until it aborts. WTF. So then I set the most obvious timeout setting in the client, no change, then another timeout setting on the client, no change, then i try to put it in the client configuration file, no change, then I set the timeout on the export query, no change, then finally I bump the timeouts in the server config, no change, then I find someone has downloaded it from both tucows and apt, but they're using the tucows version so its real config is in /dev/database.xml (don't even ask). I increase that from seconds to a minute, it's still timing out after a minute.

In the end I have to make my own and this involves working out how to parse non-standard binary formatted data structures. It's the umpteenth time I have had to do this.

These aren't some no name solutions and it really terrifies me. All this is doing is taking some access logs, store them in one place then index by timestamp. These things are all meant to be blazing fast but grep is often faster. How the hell is such a trivial thing turned into a series of one nightmare after another? Things that should take a few minutes take days of screwing around. I don't have access logs any more because I can't access them anymore.

The terror of this isn't that it's so awful, it's that all the little kiddies doing all this jazz for the first time and using all these shit wipe buzzword driven approaches have no fucking clue it's not meant to be this difficult. I'm replacing entire tens of thousands to million line enterprise systems with a few hundred lines of code that's faster, more reliable and better in virtually every measurable way time and time again.

This is constant. It's not one offender, it's not one project, it's not one company, it's not one developer, it's the industry standard. It's all over open source software and all over dev shops. Everything is exponentially becoming more bloated and difficult than it needs to be. I'm seeing people pull up a hundred cloud instances for things that'll be happy at home with a few minutes to a week's optimisation efforts. Queries that are N*N and only take a few minutes to turn to LOG(N) but instead people renting out a fucking off huge ass SQL cluster instead that not only costs gobs of money but takes a ton of time maintaining and configuring which isn't going to be done right either.

I think most people are bullshitting when they say they have impostor syndrome but when the trend in technology is to make every fucking little trivial thing a thousand times more complex than it has to be I can see how they'd feel that way. There's so bloody much you need to do that you don't need to do these days that you either can't get anything done right or the smallest thing takes an age.

I have no idea why some people put up with some of these appliances. If you bought a dish washer that made washing dishes even harder than it was before you'd return it to the store.

Every time I see the terms enterprise, fast, big data, scalable, cloud or anything of the like I bang my head on the table. One of these days I'm going to lose my fucking tits.

Instead of worrying about API rate limits I made my code manually parse the html from a website.

And the code still works great!

After three weeks looking for decent pdf parser that will handle all documents I gathered for my project I decided to write my own.
All those I tried end up with more then 10% not correctly parsed pdfs or require to much coding.
I was sceptic so I waited another week debating if it’s good idea to do it and I said yes.

Spent 16 hours straight coding pdf document extraction library and command line tool based on pdf.js

Fuck, now when I open pdf I see opcodes instead of text.

Got two more hours until client planning meeting and then I go to sleep for a while.

Time to start testing this more deeply as I have about 60k ~ 20GB pdf documents to parse and then I need to build some dependency graph out of its text.

At least it’s more funny then making boring REST API for money.

I have come across the most frustrating error i have ever dealt with.
Im trying to parse an XML doc and I keep getting UnauthorizedAccessException when trying to load the doc. I have full permissions to the directory and file, its not read only, i cant see anything immediately wrong as to why i wouldnt be able to access the file.
I searched around for hours yesterday trying a bunch of different solutions that helped other people, none of them working for me.
I post my issue on StackOverflow yesterday with some details, hoping for some help or a "youre an idiot, Its because of this" type of comment but NO.
No answers.
This is the first time Ive really needed help with something, and the first time i havent gotten any response to a post.
Do i keep trying to fix this before the deadline on Sunday? Do i say fuck it and rewrite the xml in C# to meet my needs? Is there another option that i dont even know about yet?
I need a dev duck of some sort :/

Spending a few hours messing around with regex and for loops to parse HTML just to SO and learn about BeautifulSoup. Why was my life wasted so!

Fun issue

Swedish client is unable to enter a currency conversion rate in a field and submit. 'Not a float' well we can clearly see that it is a float when he does it (0.5 for example), not an issue for us though.

Reproducing was a nightmare, eventually it boiled down to the fact that the framework we were using had automatic locale checks. Now because our numeric fields are actually weird text fields (front end nonsense), it was converting the period to be a comma (Swedish people would write 0,5 normally). And if you actually entered 0,5 the range check (0.01-1000) failed because it couldn't parse the comma (no locale check on that one)

Godamn facepalm. Really confused the hell out of us when we saw the error, had to go diving through library code. To top this off, locale checks are supposed to be disabled as of about 2 years ago

In revenge against our oppressor :PHP: on slack is now an alias for the shit emoji

Harry Potter was very good in Python. He was a parse-tongue.

When you think the code from companies like Google and Facebook is flawless, but then you look at the source code of Parse 1.5.0 and find an if statement with the condition 'browser' === 'browser'

Im a fucking idiot, instead of fetching some data and then immediately using it to fetch other data, i saved it in a file to parse later and fetch it into other data. And it's been running for a day now so I dont wanna stop it.

Unreal Engine SDLC:
1. Start Epic
2. Wait
3. Start Unity
4. Wait
5. Open Project
6. Wait
7. Wait more
8. a bit longer...
9. (it usually crashes here, or freezes, in which case go to 1)
10. Game opened, make modifications in C++ codes
11. Wait VS to load
12. Wait VS to parse all the file in solution
13. Make changes
14. Compile
15. Run from Unreal
16. (sometimes, go to 9)
17. Goto 9
18. 9
19. Goto 9
20. Congrats on finishing the game, and losing your patience

Job description: designing and building microservices and API contracts for enterprise use. Deep understanding of api/rest design, AWS, etc.

Interview: in this weird IDE while I stare over you, go through and parse this multi-dimensional primitive array using recursion.

...Wtf does this have to do with the role?

TL;DR: Fuck Wordpress and their shitty “editor”.

Client told me the Wordpress editor was unusual slow on their site. I inspected the network traffic, while fiddling around in the admin pages. What I found was an even worse nightmare than expected. Somehow the fucktard of an “engineer” decided to implement the spell check module, to parse all other text areas on the page - even the fucking image sources. The result is a browser sending a GET request to fetch the images from the server every time an author triggers a keyup-event. Disabled the spell check and everything was back to budget-ineffective-feces-Wordpress normal.

Writing a truly crossplatform terminal library is the biggest pain in the ass.

And you thought windows was bad. They have a proper API with droves of features, freely allocatable screenbuffers, scrolling on both axes, etc.
Fucking xterm vtxxx compatible piles of shit are the problem.
Controlling kinda works eventhough the feature set is pretty bad. The really fucked up thing is reading values back. They literally get put into the input buffer. So you have to read all the actual user input before that and then somehow parse out the returned control sequence. Of course the user input has to be consumed so I have to buffer it myself. Even better is when you get a response with non printable characters which the fucking terminal will interpret as another control sequence. So when you set a window title to a ansi control sequence it would get executed when queried. Fuck this shit but I'm not giving up. I will tame this ugly, bodged together dragon

Just started my exams training! (Doing a study called Application Development).

The application doesn't sound that complicated but I have to implement a data exporting feature. Sounds alright, doesn't it?

THE 'CLIENT' DOES NOT KNOW WHAT DATA FORMAT THE FICTIVE CUSTOMERS CAN PARSE/HANDLE BUT I HAVE TO MAKE IT GENERIC SO THAT THEY CAN USE IT ANYWAYS. HOW THE FUCKING FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT FUCKING FORMAT I SHOULD CHOOSE?!? SHOULD I TRY TO SMELL IT OR SOMETHING?

FML.

IPAY88 is the worst payment integration. They parse html data and encoded it into xml for return the data, it is not even singlet or server to server communication , tey called it the ADVANCED BACKEND SYSTEM (My arse!) For security, they ENCODE THE STRING into BASE64 and called it ENCRYPTION ! WHAT THE FUCK?
Encoding is not encryption! I qas expecting they used diffie hellman or AES or RSA etc. THEY TOLD BE ENCODING IS ENCRYPTION? WHAT THE FUCK?

One day I want to replace all "ERROR" logs with "FUCK":

09-31-26: FUCK: Database not initialized.
09-31-26: FUCK: Unable to parse input.

I thought 'atoi' was just some acronym wtf who thought it would be a good idea to name a parse function 'atoi'?

I do not understand people who critique Python for using indentation to mark code blcoks. I've seen multiple posts being like "Uhh in Python a missing space breaks everything and it's so hard to find it". Yeah so hard when the interpreter throws a parse error and tells you exactly which line it's on. Let me go back to a bracefest language, misplace a brace halfway through the file, and get told there's a syntax error at the end, and spend a whole two minutes finding it.

So a colleague and me are coding a Text Editor in C, and since i was adding a few Themes today i was wondering, what y'all using in your go to Editors and IDEs? Maybe i could include a few slightly modified versions of these themes aswell (modified in the sense of adjusted config)

The Editor is called MOSSY Editor, if someone's interested. MOSSY was some abbreviation for Model Based Syntax, since it's python implementation used a full parse tree in the background.

Is your code green?

I've been thinking a lot about this for the past year. There was recently an article on this on slashdot.

I like optimising things to a reasonable degree and avoid bloat. What are some signs of code that isn't green?

* Use of technology that says its fast without real expert review and measurement. Lots of tech out their claims to be fast but actually isn't or is doing so by saturation resources while being inefficient.
* It uses caching. Many might find that counter intuitive. In technology it is surprisingly common to see people scale or cache rather than directly fixing the thing that's watt expensive which is compounded when the cache has weak coverage.
* It uses scaling. Originally scaling was a last resort. The reason is simple, it introduces excessive complexity. Today it's common to see people scale things rather than make them efficient. You end up needing ten instances when a bit of skill could bring you down to one which could scale as well but likely wont need to.
* It uses a non-trivial framework. Frameworks are rarely fast. Most will fall in the range of ten to a thousand times slower in terms of CPU usage. Memory bloat may also force the need for more instances. Frameworks written on already slow high level languages may be especially bad.
* Lacks optimisations for obvious bottlenecks.
* It runs slowly.
* It lacks even basic resource usage measurement.

Unfortunately smells are not enough on their own but are a start. Real measurement and expert review is always the only way to get an idea of if your code is reasonably green.

I find it not uncommon to see things require tens to hundreds to thousands of resources than needed if not more.

In terms of cycles that can be the difference between needing a single core and a thousand cores.

This is common in the industry but it's not because people didn't write everything in assembly. It's usually leaning toward the extreme opposite.

Optimisations are often easy and don't require writing code in binary. In fact the resulting code is often simpler. Excess complexity and inefficient code tend to go hand in hand. Sometimes a code cleaning service is all you need to enhance your green.

I once rewrote a data parsing library that had to parse a hundred MB and was a performance hotspot into C from an interpreted language. I measured it and the results were good. It had been optimised as much as possible in the interpreted version but way still 50 times faster minimum in C.

I recently stumbled upon someone's attempt to do the same and I was able to optimise the interpreted version in five minutes to be twice as fast as the C++ version.

I see opportunity to optimise everywhere in software. A billion KG CO2 could be saved easy if a few green code shops popped up. It's also often a net win. Faster software, lower costs, lower management burden... I'm thinking of starting a consultancy.

The problem is after witnessing the likes of Greta Thunberg then if that's what the next generation has in store then as far as I'm concerned the world can fucking burn and her generation along with it.

I don't get it.
I tried Kotlin on Android just for fun, and it doesn't support binary data handling, not even unsigned types until the newest version. Java suffers from the same disease.
How does one parse and process binary data streams on such a high end system? Not everything is highlevel XML or JSON today.

And it's not only an Android issue.
Python has some support for binary data, and it's powerful, but not comfortable.
I tried Ruby, Groovy, TCL, Perl and Lua, and only Lua let's you access data directly without unnecessary overhead.
C# is also akward when it comes to data types less than the processer register width.

How hard can it be to access and manipulate data in its natural and purest form?
Why do the so called modern programming language ignore this simple aspect that is needed on an everyday basis?

Dockers JSON output is garbage.

First, you'll get no JSON per se.

You get a JSON string per image, Like this:

{...} LF
{...} LF
{...} LF

Then I tried to parse the labels.

It looked easy: <Key>=<Value> , delimited by comma.

Lil oneliner... Boom.

Turns out that Docker allows comma in the value line and doesn't escape it.

Great.

One liner turns into char by char parser to properly tokenize the Labels based on the last known delimiter.

I thought that this was a 5 min task.

Guess what, Docker sucks and this has turned into try and error...

For fucks sake, I hated Docker before, but this makes me more angry than anything else. Properly returning an parseable API isn't that hard :@

Since Parse is shutting down by January 27th, I need to migrate my startup application's entire database to a new platform. What a pain. I'm thinking of doing Firebase...

For some project, I wrote this algoritem in Java to parse a lot of XML files and save data to database. It needs to have some tricks and optimisations to run in acceptable time. I did it and in average, it run for 8-10 minutes.

After I left company they got new guy. And he didn't know Java so they switched to PHP and rewrote the whole project. He did algorithm his way. After rewrite it run around 8 hours.

I was really proud of myself and shocked they consider it acceptable.

People keep using Firebase and saying how cool it is, I'll laught when Google does the same that facebook did with Parse or hike prices like they did with Google Maps Recently.... People stop putting your core logic in a third party black box.. it's not going to end well...

sr: XML is difficult format parse PDF instead.

me: (-_-)ゞ゛

checks code...

foo.fooBar = element
.match("<XMLELement>(.*)</XMLElement>")[1]
?.trim();

me: (☉_☉)

Official app of bank

Had a bad day at work :( They gave me this code for some obscure streaming job and asked me to complete it. Only after 3 days did I realize that the LLD given to me was incorrect as the data model was updated. Another 2 more days, I was able to debug the code and run it successfully— I was able to parse the tables and generate the required frame but not able to stream it back to the output topic as per the LLD. That’s where I needed help but none of my emails/messages were replied to. The main guy who is pretty technical scheduled a code review session with me— I expected that I would run the code and he would spot it something I might’ve missed and why my streaming function isn’t working. Instead, what happened was that he grilled me on each and every line of the code (which had some obscure tables queried) and then got super mad at me saying “Why are we having this code review session if your code is not complete?”. I’m like bruh, you asked for it, and yes, the main parsing logic is done and I’m just having this issue in the last part. And he’s like “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”. Wtf?! I left at least 5 emails and a dozen messages. He’s like this has to go live on Monday, and I’m like Ok, I’ll work in the weekend. And he’s like “Don’t tell me all these things! You’re not doing me a favor by working on weekends! How am I to ask my colleagues to connect with you separately on Saturday/Sunday? You should have done the on the weekdays itself. What were you doing this whole week?”. Bruh, I was running the code multiple times and debugging it using print statements. All while you were ignoring my attempts to reach out to you. SMH 🤦‍♂️ I can go on and on about this whole saga.

The primary concept of reactive programming is great. The idea that things just naturally re-run when anything they rely on is changed is amazing. Really, I think it's the next step in programming language development and within a decade or two at least one of the top 5 programming languages will be built entirely on this principle.
BUT
Expecting every dependency to be used unconditionally is stupid. Code that checks everything it might need all the time even if a decision can be made from much less information is simply bad, inefficient code. If you want to build a list of dependencies automatically, you have to parse the source.
And I really hate that there are TONS of languages that either make the AST readable at runtime or ship with a very powerful preprocessor that could be used to analyse expressions and build dependency lists, but by its sheer popularity the language we're trying to knead into something it was never and still isn't meant to be is JavaScript.

Co-worker: "I'm getting files from customers which are in multiple types and encodings. Is there a way to force them to send only us-ascii so my tool gets only one kind which is easier to parse?"

Me: "Welcome to programming with arbitrary sources; you'll just have to build your tools to figure it out and not break (just rely on dozens of existing tools which you refuse to use)"

My God is map development insane. I had no idea.

For starters did you know there are a hundred different satellite map providers?

Just kidding, it's more than that.

Second there appears to be tens of thousands of people whos *entire* job is either analyzing map data, or making maps.
Hell this must be some people's whole *existence*. I am humbled.

I just got done grabbing basic land cover data for a neoscav style game spanning the u.s., when I came across the MRLC land cover data set.

One file was 17GB in size.

Worked out to 1px = 30 meters in their data set. I just need it at a one mile resolution, so I need it in 54px chunks, which I'll have to average, or find medians on, or do some sort of reduction.

Ecoregions.appspot.com actually has a pretty good data set but that's still manual. I ran it through gale and theres actually imperceptible thin line borders that share a separate *shade* of their region colors with the region itself, so I ran it through a mosaic effect, to remove the vast bulk of extraneous border colors, but I'll still have to hand remove the oceans if I go with image sources.

It's not that I havent done things involved like that before, naturally I'm insane. It's just involved.

The reason for editing out the oceans is because the oceans contain a metric boatload of shades of blue.
If I'm converting pixels to tiles, I have to break it down to one color per tile.
With the oceans, the boundary between the ocean and shore (not to mention depth information on the continental shelf) ends up sharing colors when I do a palette reduction, so that's a no-go. Of course I could build the palette bu hand, from sampling the map, and then just measure the distance of each sampled rgb color to that of every color in the palette, to see what color it primarily belongs to, but as it stands ecoregions coloring of the regions has some of them *really close* in rgb value as it is.

Now what I also could do is write a script to parse the shape files, construct polygons in sdl or love2d, and save it to a surface with simplified colors, and output that to bmp.

It's perfectly doable, but technically I'm on savings and supposed to be calling companies right now to see if I can get hired instead of being a bum :P

Alright since I have to deal with this shit in my part time job I really have to ask.

What is the WORST form of abusing CSV you have ever witnessed?

I for one have to deal with something like this:

foo,1,2,3,4,5
0,2,4,3,2,1
0,5,6,4,3,1
bar,,,,,
foobar,,,,,

foo can either be foo, or a numeric value
if it is foo, the first number after the foo dictates how many times the content between this foo and the next bar is going to be repeated. Mind you, this can be nested:

foo,1,,,,
1,2,3,4,5,6
foo,10,,,,
6,5,4,3,2,1,
bar,,,,,
1,2,3,4,5,6
bar,,,,,
foobar,,,,,

foobar means the file ends.

Now since this isn't quite enough, there's also SIX DIFFERENT FLAVOURS OF THIS FILE. Each of them having different columns.

I really need to know - is it me, or is this format simply utterly stupid? I was always taught (and fuck, we always did it this way) that CSV was simply a means to store flat and simple data. Meanwhile when I explain my struggle I get a shrug and "Just parse it, its just csv!!"

To top it off, I can not use the flavours of these files interchangably. Each and everyone of them contains different data so I essentially have to parse the same crap in different ways.

OK this really needed to get outta the system

A service had/has been logging hundreds of errors in the development environment and I reached out to the owning process mgr that the error was occurring and perhaps a good opportunity to log additional data to help troubleshoot the issue if the problem ever made its way to production. He responded saying the error was related to a new feature they weren't going to implement in the backing dev database (TL;DR), and they know it works in production (my spidey sense goes off).
They deployed the changes to production this morning and immediately starting throwing errors (same error I sent)
Mgr messaged me a little while ago "Did you make any changes to the documentation service? We're getting this error .."

50% sure someone misspelled something in a config, but only thing they are logging is 'Unable to parse document'. Nothing that indicates an issue with the service they're using.

So I was designing a transformer and was looking up toroidal cores. The one I had in mind was made of a material the manufacturer calls “3E5”. Looking for a material datasheet I found a website with a download link for a material “300000”…

Dear web devs: How the fuck is that even possible? I can see what happened here but who thought whatever they were doing there was a good idea?

Finding out how not to do it.

An example, learning how to parse HTML, and finding a stackoverflow post with the answer "use regex" triggers tech junkies so much that they actually comment a mostly accepted way of doing something.

Can we all just agree to stop actively imagining progressively harder to parse CSV formatting options? For fucks sake I’ve had to build in tolerance for quoted and unquoted data, combined data and split data, ways to split the data and recombine it, compare every data point, filter some data, only add data, only remove data, base data updates on non Boolean fields in the file, set end point matching based on arbitrary fields, column number matching, header matching, manipulate malformed urls and reassemble the file with proper ones, it goes the fuck on. CSV’s should just be simple and not hard to format. Why does everyone want to try so fucking hard to do bizarro shit?!

Unreal Engine + third party library adventures part2:

now we gotta parse everything from unreal formats, to the library formats, than back to unreal again... sigh. Why can't it just use normal data formats like everybody else? I mean, come on, strings, ints, vectors etc. they all have standart libraries. why does unreal need to make their own shiet out of it. Just why...

Vodafone India is so shit omfg

Run npm install, ERROR json parse error due to ssl exception

Run pip install, again ssl exception

Run gradle build, again ssl exception!!!

Now everytime i gotta make a new project or install a dependency in anything, i have to pray to the blood god that cache contains a valid/uncorrupted package dependency or else ill have to nuke cache and borrow internet from someone else.
Once i port it to some other operator, i am gonna incinerate this mf sim.

Bad: Delete your production database
Good: Have a backup
Bad: Can't reimport it because your backup procedure uses scheme that are no longer supported for import by your cloud provider
Good: Backup are plaintext and somehow easy to parse
Bad: Spending the rest of the day writing scripts to reinsert everything.

End of the story: everything is up and running, 8hours of efforts

This utilization shit is stupid! Seriously man what the hell! Yes yes it's an important number yes yes I don't even care. You want me to increase my utilization and at the same time be wary of the budget, which are unrealistically tight to begin with. It's freaking impossible! Who comes up with this shit?

You know what? Half of this shit ain't even my fault! A project was set for 200 hours and a guy wasted half of that trying to figure out just HOW TO CONNECT TO THE API! Like the guy only wrote 30 lines in 100 HOURS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! THEN YOU PASS OVER THE PROJECT TO ME AND SAY YOU HAVE ONLY 100 HOURS LEFT TO CONNECT TO THE API, GET THE DATA (WHICH BTW DOESNT EVEN EXIST), PARSE IT, AND THEN CREATE GRAPHS AND A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOFTWARE, WITH A USER INTERFACE THAT SHOULD RUN AS AN EXECUTABLE!!!! ME? ALONE?

MAN FUCK YOU!

I fix antique code for a living and regularly come across code like this, and this is actually the good stuff!

Worst usecase for a goto statement? What do you think?

  int sDDIO::recvCount(int bitNumber){

  if (bitNumber < 0 || bitNumber > 15) return 0;   //ValidatebitNumber which has to be 0-15

  //Send count request

  if (!(send(String::Format(L"#{0:X2}{1}\r", id, bitNumber)) && flushTx())){

bad:   //Return 0 if something went wrong

  return 0;

}

  String^ s = recv(L"\r");   //Receive request data

  if (s->Length != 9) goto bad;   //Validate lenght

s = s->Substring(3, 5);   //Take only relevant bits

 

  int value;   //Try to parse value and send to bad if fails

  bool result = Int32::TryParse(s, value);

  if (!result) goto bad;

 

  int count = value - _lastCount[bitNumber];   //Maximumpossible count on Moxa is 65535.

  if (count < 0) count += 65536;   //If the limit reached, the counter resets to 0

_lastCount[bitNumber] = value;   //This avoids loosing count if the 1st request was

  //made at 65530 and the 2nd request was made at 5

  return count;

}

Working on an Android app for a client who has a dev team that is developing a web app in with ember js / rails. These folks are "in charge" of the endpoints our app needs to function. Now as a native developer, I'm not a hater of a web apps way of doing things but with this particular app their dev teams seems to think that all programming languages can parse json as dynamically as javascript...

Exhibit A:

- Sample Endpoint Documentation
* GetImportantInfo
* Params: $id // id of info to get details of
* Endpoint: get-info/$id
* Method: GET
* Entity Return {SampleInfoModel}

- Example API calls in desktop REST client
* get-info/1
- response
{
"a" : 0,
"b" : false,
"c" : null
}
* get-info/2
- response
{
"a" : [null, "random date stamp"],
"b" : 3.14,
"c" : {
"z" : false,
"y" : 0.5
}
}
* get-info/3
- response
{
"a" : "false" // yes as a string
"b" : "yellow"
"c" : 1.75
}

Look, I get that js and ruby have dynamic types and a string can become a float can become a Boolean can become a cat can become an anvil. But that mess is very difficult to parse and make sense of in a stack that relies on static types.

After writing a million switch statements with cases like "is Float" or "is String" from kotlin's Any type // alias for java.Object, I throw my hands in the air and tell my boss we need to get on the phone with these folks. He agrees and we schedules a day that their main developer can come to our shop to "show us the ropes".

So the day comes and this guy shows up with his mac book pro and skinny jeans. We begin showing him the different data types coming back and explain how its bad for performance and can lead to bugs in the future if the model structure changes between different call params. He matter of factually has an epiphany and exclaims "OHHHHHH! I got you covered dawg!" and begins click clacking on his laptop to make sense of it all. We decide not to disturb him any more so he can keep working.

3 hours goes by...

He burst out of our conference room shouting "I am the greatest coder in the world! There's no problem I can't solve! Test it now!"

Weary, we begin testing the endpoints in our REST clients....

His magic fix, every single response is a quoted string of json:

example:
- old response
{
"foo" : "bar"
}
- new "improved" response
"{ \"foo\" : \"bar\" }"

smh....

To finish my photography portfolio website and get it online. I've been putting this off for YEARS. Just started again (and from scratch) and I've been making some progress for the last couple of days. I don't want to even look at that old project I scrapped, or maybe I will once I finish (read: publish) this one.

My problem before was that I was always looking at the big picture and was trying to figure everything out in one go.

In contrast with that, I now figured out a relatively simple and straightforward way to start off with no back end at all and just use static resources instead (with some logic to parse them every time I "upload" new stuff), which should be fine even in the long run if I end up being too lazy and/or busy to do the back end. In general, I now try to tackle small tasks one by one (even if I don't always write them down and/or track them) and realise that it's better to be done (even not in the best way I imagine it) than to not be done at all. It's as if I learn how to do stuff properly for the first time. Oh, well...

Someone around here once said that they believe that Rust compiler errors are generated by first sending the compiler noise to some dude in India and then they parse the errors and send them back to the compiler.

This was not a nod against our friends from the land of India, but instead, I think, a praise.

Thus I would like to add a request to the rust devs to see if they could include more "trademark Indian" sassy remarks in the messages that the compiler generates. But I am afraid that they think I am being racist or something.

For reference: My Indian friends are all beyond sassy in the way they clap back at mfkers when having friendly arguments, I have been left with a "well, damn" in multiple occasions because I am incapable of reaching that level of sass myself.

We recently hired a new developer, fresh from uni. Very little real experience as I can see.
Unfortunately I weren't available for the interviews, so they chose a dev without me.

All his code is messy, over complicated and uses symfony framework for _everything_
He can't do shit outside of it.

He was tasked to find and replace some links in a few hundred excel documents, he spent ages trying to parse the xlsx documents and the replace the links and write to the document. Spent all day on it, with no results. Even though I often asked him how he was getting on, he said all was fine.

End of day, I get a tad furious, whip out my terminal and do the whole task in 10 minutes with basic bash

Im a junior android dev working in a startup. Wasted whole week on trying to parse some retarded json data generated by junior backend guy.

Im talking about objects with other objects as their elements, no use of arrays.

In the end had to redo his data in proper order so I could parse properly. Fkin waste of time.

At least now I know how to do his work, and won't be afraid to confront him with detailed criticism.

I like my log messages to indicate automatically where in the code something happened, so that I can easily identify where a message originated from while tracking down problems.

In C/C++ this is nice and easy - write a logging routine, wrap it in macros for the different log levels and have that automatically output __FILE__, __LINE__ etc.

I wanted to do something similar in NodeJS, as I'd found myself manually writing the file name in the log message and then splitting functionality out into new files and it became a mess.

The only way I found to be able to do this was to create an "Error" object and access the "stack" member of it. This is a string containing a stack backtrace, suitable for writing to console/file. I just wanted the filename/line/routine.

So I ended up splitting the string into lines, then for each of the lines, trimming the surrounding spaces (or tabs?), and parsing them to see if the stack entry is inside my logger module. The first entry outside of that module must therefore be the thing that called it, so I then parse out the routine or object and method, filename and line number.

It's a lot of clumsy work but the output is pretty neat. I just wish it were simpler!

For God's sake why can't you just keep consistency across your fucking files? I have to parse 3 different XML files from the same source where I have "ZipCode", "zipCode" and "Code" for the same thing.

Not to mention that the file that contains all the streets in the country have literally one street node for every motherfucking street. Not one city parent and multiple street children that would make sense and would be faster to parse, but clearly that wasn't your intention you retarded cunt.

API response.
For a week been working with my project manager remotely.
Then yester night had a tough one.
Me:Please send me the API endpoint so that can test it and see the response.
Him:On my side all is set just consume the response.
Me:As a practice I did first test the API using postman and the response was okay.
Me:As I had already prepared my Retrofit code to consume and parse the response I head to it.
Me:Fast forward 20 minutes into the application I realise getting some unexpected errors thanks to the guy who didn't follow my response format.
Me:I call him asking him to check how he formatted the response .
Him:He claims he formatted it as requested .
Me: Double check my work and am damn right and now raise my voice as I talk to him again and requests him to send me a screenshot of his response and I send mine.
From the screenshots turns out his response is okay as he is working from a damn localhost and my response was coming from the live server.
Feel like strangling him for wasting my previous 30 minutes

If your site uses angular or react or some other piece of shit framework to load the data after the site has fucking loaded, make a public fucking api because i cant parse your shitass website from source.

About 4-5 hours ago I wanted to make simple websocket to get input from textarea and parse it on server and somehow got myself into developing in asyncio -> aiohttp -> graphql-core -> graphql-ws -> aioredis
and svelte-> typescript
I still didn’t make the stuff I wanted but I’m very close on backend at least.
I have some frontend part somewhere in my old prototypes so it will be faster if I figure out svelte.

Still don’t understand what the fuck just happened.
Maybe it’s because I wanted try those frameworks for a long time.

All ‘simple’ examples I found have around 20-30 files for backend and same amount for frontend so more then 50 files to get this shit working.
They’re called oh irony “simple chat”.
Now I see why no one fucking understands this shit.

I’m trying to cut mine to 5 files.

I thought developers are lazy bastards who don’t like write code.
But now after this they’re all looking like adhd coders.

Looks like Monday won’t be my best day.

Ive been working on pseudo-Java (ie some 3rd company's UNDOCUMENTED programming language) that they parse into Java in their backend

It doesnt even support if-else (only ifs and elses) or a boolean combination of False and OR together lmao

mainly a GRPC middleware-language

Given its lack of features (arrays/collections) or documentation, I just had to implement a flag-array using a 0-1 string

Im throwing exceptions unless combined strings equal Lengths and is only 1s

living like in 80s-90s 💀

The feature was to parse a set of fairly complex xml files following a legacy schema. Problem was, the way this was done previously did not conform to the schema so it was a guideline at best, which over the course of many years snowballed into an anarchy where clients would send in whatever and it was continuously updated per case as needed. They wanted to start enforcing their new schema while phasing out the old method.

The good news is that parsing and serialization is very testable, so I rounded up what I could find of example files and got to work. Around the same time I asked our client if they had any more examples of typical cases we need to deal with, and sure enough a couple of days later I receive a zip with hundreds of files. They also point out that I should just disregard the entire old set since they decided to outright cut support for it after all if it makes things simpler. Nice.

I finish the feature in a decent amount of time. All my local tests pass, and the CD tests pass when I push my branches. Once we push to our QA env though and the integration tests run, we get a pass rate of less than 10%.

I spend a couple of days trying to figure out what's going on, and eventually narrow it down to some wires being crossed with the new vs. old xml formats. I'm at a loss. I keep trying to chip away at it until I'm left with a minimal example, and I have one of those lean-back moments where you're just "I don't get it". My tests pass locally, but in the QA environment they fail on the same files.

We're now 3 people around my workstation including the system architect, and I'm demonstrating to the others how baffling and black magic this is. I postulate that maybe something is cached in my local environment and it's not actually testing the new files. I even deleted the old ones.

"Are you sure you deleted the right files?"

"Duh of course -- but let me check..."

I don't think I've been more excited about anything than my very first application.

This was when I was just starting out with programming. I had chosen C++ as my first programming language.

A friend and I'd written a simple application to fetch XML data from a sports data server, parse it and display our favourite football (soccer, for Americans) team's fixtures and results on a GUI.
We called it Sportify.

So I just spent 2 hours debugging a script that fetches data from an API. Thats all it was supposed to do. Http get some data.

It wasnt working and was giving a "parse error". Worked fine in browser.

So it turns out it was using http 0.9 (first documented http version, defined in 1991) and wasnt sending any headers. And js cant do no headers...

So yea I now have to write a tcp / http 0.9 client in js

As a new freelancer I didn't have much clients , so I paired with a web designer +10 years exp. who work with me as a pm and that was a bad decision.
Although I am a back-end dev , half of the projects were frontend/WordPress theme (less price than back-end projecrs) - so 30% of the projects were cancelled .
sometimes I receive project's which have requirement, like magento, I don't know anything about ,
I tried to push myself but I burned out after six month.
he deals with clients, partner with other companies ,and I don't know anything about the terms.
at the end I was like an employee without any benefits from his company .
moreover I get my money after 45 day!!!
and not all my money .
this is a project I work for another company through him
A requirement for mobile back-end server was integrating with parse and that was my first time working with Facebook parse so ....
after two weeks ..
we received email from parse that they'll shutdown their service after a year .

so we moved to Amazon sns again my first time working with aws .
at the end I can't charge for extra money but my pm became a gold partner for that company .
the only thing that made me hold is that I need some high quality projects for my c.v.
-----------
he didn't show on hangout because I need my money .
this will be my last project with him.
wow I write too much ... I feel better now .😥

This is a general question to freelancers or devs who works on only projects, is this worth only £100 pounds:

A survey website with 19 pages. Questions changes based on previous answers. Must have drag and drop, mix and match functionality. It must be mobile friendly as well.

And we have to parse the data we get from survey to a nicely rendered webpage so the client can see it.

The deadline is 2 days

Does anyone find the laravel documentation just lacking? It seems like it the twitter feed of documentation leaving out very important information that leaves me banging my head for hours. I really like laravel and much better than working with raw php but I wish there was an option in the drop down for additional a more flushed out version with more code examples. I understand experts don't want to parse through tons of text just to find the correct artisan command but c'mon.

That feeling when you’re working on writing a program to take differently based numbers, parse the input character by character, and return the value in different bases (dec, binary, hex, etc), get stuck, ask your partner to take a look at it and their response is along the lines of “What are you even DOING?! That doesn’t even make sense.”

So, I'm looking into something and end up on Stack Overflow. Someone posted the question:

"Does minified javascript improve performance?"

This question was old as shit, all they way from 07/25/09, and about an Adobe Air application. (Remember that? Me neither...) It had a great, accepted, and still accurate answer, posted the same day the question was asked. Now, fast forward 8 years and on 12/08/17 (A mere 7 months ago...) the following answer was posted. I don't know what they were thinking, but here it is, complete and unabridged, with my comments in square brackets:

"I'd like to post this as a separate answer as it somewhat contrasts the accepted one: [Somewhat contrasts? More like completely contradicts...]

Yes, it does make a performance difference as it reduces parsing time - and that's often the critical thing. For me, it was even just simply linear in the size and I could get it from 12s to 4s parse time by minifying from 3MB to 1MB. [First off, your parse time should NEVER be THE critical thing, but secondly, and more importantly, WHO THE FUCK HAS 1MB OF MINIFIED JS ON A PAGE!!!]

It's not a big app either, it just has a couple of reasonable dependencies. [THERE IS ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING REASONABLE ABOUT ANYTHING HE JUST SAID! What dependancies is he using?! You could use minified and not even gzipped jQuery, AngularJS, Vue, Ember, React, AND Dojo libraries on the SAME PAGE, AND have 118k of application code, AND STILL NOT HAVE HIT 1MB QUITE YET!!!]

So the moral of the story here is: Yes, minifying is important for performance - and not because of bandwidth, but because of parsing. [Javascript should NEVER take longer to parse then to download, even on a low powered device...]"

So, yeah, I'm at a loss for what this guy was thinking, but the thought the people like this exist, and that my browser might one day be subjected to their horrific nightmare of code terrifies me...

Dear developer guy who wrote this documentation node!

You're a developer yourself. Don't you know that inverse psychology is something you should avoid, because it will not work?

Thanks!
---

Okay for real, why shouldn't one parse Build.FINGERPRINT on Android? I was looking for a way to determine if the device is an emulator or not, and came across a solution using this, and read the documentation.

Trying to parse JSON to case classes and vice versa is like trying to parse HTML with regexes: A straight way to hell.

TO͇̹̺ͅƝ̴ȳ̳ TH̘Ë͖́̉ ͠P̯͍̭O̚​N̐Y̡ H̸̡̪̯ͨ͊̽̅̾̎Ȩ̬̩̾͛ͪ̈́̀́͘ ̶̧̨̱̹̭̯ͧ̾ͬC̷̙̲̝͖ͭ̏ͥͮ͟Oͮ͏̮̪̝͍M̲̖͊̒ͪͩͬ̚̚͜Ȇ̴̟̟͙̞ͩ͌͝S̨̥̫͎̭ͯ̿̔̀ͅ

Which misanthropic, terrible, perverse excuse for a dogfucker decided that damned non breaking spaces (SPACES!) return false on isWhitespace? It's in the name, space, it's white, it's a fucking white space, a whitespace if you will so who do I have to kill for wasting two damned hours of my life trying to parse away those bastards?

Me: *randomly streaming myself code just because*
Friend: "So what are you doing"
Me: "I'm trying to parse a file. The specs are here - oh"
Friend: "Oh?"
Me: "I set screenshare to vs code only, so you can't see it"
Friend: "It's alright, just pass me the link"
Me: "Well, this is vs code, so I might as well check if it can display websites"
Friend: "No way you'd need that,"
>browser
* simple browser
Friend: "Please no"
"Enter url here"
Friend: "Stop!"
*loads website*
Friend: *dies of bloat*
Me: "All hail the bloat"
Friend in heaven: "Stop, your bloat will drag me down to hell"

So yeah, bloat can be useful sometimes

Until today, I had assumed deploying stuff to prod would NOT be one of my responsabilities in this company. Apparently that's not the case.

Had to deploy my code and pray it didn't break anything. Why is this a big deal at all?

Well you see, there is no repository. At all. No git, no svn, not even duplicate folders. No tests, no pipeline. Just a bunch of CPanels.

Had to manually copy files and folders from the development site to the production site and partially copy a database. "Just drag and drop" were the instructions I was given.

As if using CakePHP2, PHP5 and having to parse fucking Excel files wasn't bad enough, now I have to deal with one of the worst ways to deploy code.

Fuck it, I'm switching on the looking-for-job flag on linkedin.

Currently modifing a old Excel VBA Application. Found code which try to parse a Textbox on every change. If its a valid Number, it saves the value into a label. When saving the form the label will be parsed and validated instead of the Textbox

I "fight" with another developer at the end of a school project (a website).

The "other developer" complained because he had received a lower rating than mine.

He went to the teacher telling them that I had to lower the evaluation because during the project I watched TV series, And the teacher replied: there are those who can do it and some like you do not.

He could not do it because when he concentrated he could not do anything, you think when he lost himself in TV series.

There were various quarrels because I had this attitude but a higher rating (and anyway with a product a thousand times better than his), while he gave 100% he could not do anything.

I'm doing work during the weekend. Just to parse this line of json.

Argh, what drive me nuts is after discovering that json response wasn't proper.
*sample - from what i seen*
{
head= {
data=value,
data=value,
}
}

This is my first time seeing json response with =. Since my assignment is to retrieve the response.

I cheated by calling replace over and over to correct the string of response to correct json format.

That is actually production stuff. Knowing that makes me sick to the stomach.

What's the point of writing it in YAML if you are going to use grep and sed to parse it?

Sharing a first look at a prototype Web Components library I am working on for "fun"

TL;DR left side is pivot (grouped) table, right side is declarative code for it (Everything except the custom formatting is done declaratively, but has the option to be imperative as well).

====

TL;DR (Too long, did read):

I'm challenging myself to be creative with the cool new things that browsers offer us. Lani so far has a focus on extreme extensibility, abstraction from dependencies, and optional declarative style.

It's also going to be a micro CSS framework, but that's taking the back-seat.

I wanted to highlight my design here with this table, and the code that is written to produce this result.

First, you can see that the <lani-table> element is reading template, data, and layout information from its child elements. Besides the custom highlighting code (Yellow background in the "Tags" column, and green gradient in the "Score" column), everything can be done without opening even a single script tag.

The <lani-data-source> element is rather special. It's an abstraction of any data source, and you, as a developer can add custom data sources and hook up the handlers to your whim (the element itself uses the "type" attribute to choose a handler. In this case, the handler is "download" which simply sends a fetch request to the server once and downloads the result to memory).

Templates are stored in an html file, not string literals (Which I think really fucks the code) and loaded async, then cached into an object (so that the network tab doesn't get crowded, even if we can count on the HTTP cache). This also has the benefit of allowing me to parse the HTML templates once and then caching the parsed result in memory, so templates are never re-parsed from string no matter how many custom elements are created.

Everything is "compiled" into a single, minified .js file that you include on your page.

I know it's nothing extraordinary, but for something that doesn't need to be compiled, transpiled, packaged, shipped, and kissed goodnight, I think it's a really nice design and I hope to continue work on it and improve it over time

Half a year or so ago I threw together a quick site for an old teacher of mine. Got a bit of cash for it and all was good. Now he needs a few changes, plus a whole new interactive page. Oh well... I restructured the whole thing and wrote a bare bones templating system in PHP. It can parse markdown files, so now he can fix his own fucking spelling errors. So now the shitty piece of crap is maintainable. Thanks fucking God for that.

Is devRant coded in Objective-C or Swift? Is the backend through Parse, Firebase, etc.? It seems to be a smooth app.

So you're working on a product that basically the main thing it does is fire off http requests and parse their responses into a nice model. We've made some nice helper class that allows you to do this easily, but a simple piece of functionality is not in there yet.

You agree to add this one simple function and decide to:

- Not conform to coding standards set by the team
- Document its behavior which does NOT match the implementation
- Not write a single fucking unit test to prove it's functionality

ARE
...
YOU
...
FUCKING
...
MAD?!

!rant

I've tried Ionic in the past, and put off development with it because I couldn't get it to be performant without crosswalk.

In 2015, React Native put an end to the 'Are hybrid apps viable?' argument. It had a much smaller compile size, large component library, and is very reactive.

Ionic recently released news on scaling back their tools to focus on core offerings. I can't help but feel they're flogging a dead horse.

I'm sure the Ionic team has very smart people on board. Can't they see they're about to be 'Parse-ed'?

Question to the frontend devs: I'm currently trying to optimize part of our JS. How do sourcemaps influence loading/rendering Speed in the Browser?

In the `webpack.config.js` we use uglify as minimizer for js. It has the option `sourceMap` Set to `true`. Now as I understand it, this caused it to Inline a sourcemap inside the JS file (which leads to a slightly bigger file size and thus longer load time for the generated file...).

My Question: should sorcemaps be enabled for prod (minified) files? Why yes, why no? Do they help the browser parse the JS faster?

Nobody wants to maintain XSLT mappings. Being a developer, even I don't want to. So what do we do? We parse the XSLT using JAVA code in a horrible attempt create an excel with mappings. God damn it!!

Fuck Apache TIKA.
Its supposed to be a "universal file reader" or some shit. Im trying to use it as a PDF/image parser that does OCR when needed and yelds a full-file string. It does so, but the text ends up being IN THE WRONG FUCKING ORDER.
WTF would I want to parse the text out of a PDF in any order that is not the one the text is supposed to be read?!?!
"It is more efficient to work in random ordering", says the docs. No shit, really? Wouldn't it be even more efficient to just spit out random strings? Just as useful and 100% CPU-bound.
"You can add a property to forcefully put the text in the right order". THEN WHY THE FUCK IT IS NOT THE DEFAULT SETTING?
Srsly, what's the use case to a parser that yields scrambled text?!?

Any Symfony expert here? I've got quite a tricky question, that I'd love to disqus with another dev.

It's about twig within symfony. I'd like to add a custom node parser, but not for an own tag, but to set some value on each template if it's not set (which can't be done with globals in this case!). I've thought about using a visitor, but from my understanding it gets executed to late, as it requires (probably) to modify the twig AST at compile/parse time.

"Go check out the EAGLE documentation so you know how to properly parse its generated xml files"
(The whole docs just says "sorry, no documentation" every fucking where, not just the part in the picture...)

Microsoft certsrv is returning UTF-8 on the authorization error page but UTF-16 when logging in via basic auth...

Debugged this for 2 hours today to parse the response correctly. Thanks Microsoft

Nothing gives me the feeling of power like solving my non-programmer friends' problems with a bit of programming.
My girlfriend is an architect, got at her job a task of designing how to cut facade panels. Something nearly impossible to do with her tools and insanely time consuming to do by hand - but it's actually just a subset-sum problem with more steps. After a couple of hours of tweaking the program to properly parse excel files she can export and writing the output in a format usable for her I solved what would be an incredibly tough pickle for her and her whole company.
I'm seriously proud of myself.

The fact that you have to write "__" at the start of a variable name of a class to make it private (IntelliSense is not able to parse that. So you just "cannot see" that thing, but you can use ist) tells you everything about a language that you need to know...

DAILY LARAVEL PROBLEMS

I need to parse a JWT with some custom claims. There's a JWT library with Laravel; documentation really lacking, kinda hardcoded to work with Laravel but whatever; it's already installed, let's see what can I do with it.

It turns out I can't say something like "take this token, parse it, tell me it's valid". Let's see how that goes.
You need to build a parsing class with a manager, some auth stuff, a parser.
To build said manager you need a provider that implements a contract, a blacklist, a factory (of what?)
To build the factory (of what?) you need a claim factory and a payload validator
To build the claim factory you need a request
To build the blacklist you need a Storage
To build the storage you need a CacheContract
To build a CacheContract you need IDK it's a mess
To build the contract you need... IDK for real

WHY LARAVEL IS SHIT: 'cause only in this framework it seems reasonable to build this clusterfuck to parse a base64 encoded string, throw some json_decode and check a signature. And have it work only to authenticate a user.

Client be like:
Pls, could you give the new Postgres user the same perms as this one other user?

Me:
Uh... Sure.

Then I find out that, for whatever reason, all of their user accounts have disabled inheritance... So, wtf.

Postgres doesn't really allow you to *copy* perms of a role A to role B. You can only grant role A to role B, but for the perms of A to carry over, B has to have inheritance allowed... Which... It doesn't.

So... After a bit of manual GRANT bla ON DATABASE foo TO user, I ping back that it is done and breath a sigh of relief.

Oooooonly... They ping back like -- Could you also copy the perms of A on all the existing objects in the schema to B???

Ugh. More work. Lets see... List all permissions in a schema and... Holy shit! That's thousands of tables and sequences, how tf am I ever gonna copy over all that???

Maybe I could... Disable the pager of psql, and pipe the list into a file, parse it by the magic of regex... And somehow generate a fuckload of GRANT statements? Uuuugh, but that'd kill so much time. Not to mention I'd need to find out what the individual permission letters in the output mean... And... Ugh, ye, no, too much work. Lets see if SO knows a solution!

And, surprise surprise, it did! The easiest, simplest to understand way, was to make a schema-only dump of the database, grep it for user A, substitute their name with B, and then input it back.

What I didn't expect is for the resulting filtered and altered grant list to be over 6800 LINES LONG. WHAT THE FUCK.

...And, shortly after I apply the insane number of grants... I get another ping. Turns out the customer's already figured out a way to grant all the necessary perms themselves, and I... No longer have to do anything :|

Joy. Utter, indescribable joy.

Is there any actual security reason for disabling inheritance in Postgres? (14.x) I'd think that if an account got compromised, it doesn't matter if it has the perms inherited or not, cuz you can just SET ROLE yourself to the granted role with the actual perms and go ham...

I fucking hate the person that created the ionic timepicker its such a fucking mess if you want to do anything advanced and it's so poorly documented that most of the time you just have to guess what you should do. Best part: this fucking component doesn't even use a Date Object it uses A FUCKING STRING that it parses, so I have to parse, unparse, parse, unparse. Who in their right mind thought this would be a good idea?!

What frustrated me the most was when I tried to use their min, max functionality. I used the component as a timepicker, so I ignored most of the Date Object and just initliazed them at 0. Afterwards set the hr, min, sec and did the same for the max value. Doesn't work... It just bugs out and I can only pick midnight of that day... Okay. I kid you not: tried for two hours to fix this shit. Console logged the crap out of that thing. Everything seemed right. Out of frustration I then just initlialized the max value like normal, so the date is the current date. AND SUDDENLY IT FUCKING WORKED. WHY?! FUCKING NOBODY KNOWS. WHO, WHY, WHAT?!

This may be obvious, but debugging is all about input / algorithm / output. If there's something wrong, it's one of the three. Work with the method of elimination. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not.

I'll give you an example from my situation:

I wanted to play an old DOS game on my modern PC and so I used DosBox. I made an iso from the original CD, mounted it, referred to it in the game's mount settings and launched the game.

Then, after I had saved the game and I tried to load it again, the game would say: "Could not read/write savegame". And so I thought something was amuck with my mount settings and I started fiddling with those, but it only made it worse and it gave me more (cryptic) errors.
The next approach was to save a new game and load that one. Nope, same problem.
Finally I decided to follow a DosBox tutorial for the game and load the game again.. same problem. So I think hmm.. my algorithm is correct.. my output is wrong.. so then my input must be wrong. So I decided to save the game again with these new and correct settings and low and behold, it finally loaded.

One thing to note was that when it failed to load the savegame, it was because it had done a partial save because due to incorrect mount settings it couldn't figure out all the right config folders/files/paths and my savegame ended up being corrupt with 80% of the files having 0 Bytes, which was suspicious. That usually means a file became corrupt.

And then it hit me.. if the game says: "Could not read/write", that doesn't mean the same as "Could not access the file/folder". It could access it, it just couldn't parse it. And of course.. the 'write' part of the message indicates that it messed up in writing, causing it to misread. Sometimes you really have to think about it..

Anyway, input, algorithm, output. :)

It is great feeling, to leave company and leave all your crap code to others :D

500 lines bash generic wrapper to curl (just to catch and print errors, not just silently fail as most devs tell curl to do).

It was monster that used "function overload" and "subclasses" (based on dynamic source files). Also dynamically created inline AWK script to parse curl output. It kinda worked, but amount of high-level hacks I had to use was enormous.

Never use Bash when you do not have to. Even if you have experience with it. Others don't have it and will fail miserably trying to patch your code. Just leave bash for fast bridging between programs, leave python/java/c#/go or any other proper OOP language for a job. Please ?

So... I just got to the next fase where I'm being asked to do a technical test. What they ask is for me to develop an Android App with 4 different tabs:

- First tab I need to receive data from a github url, parse it and show it on a recyclerview, save it on a database, and be able to search it.

- Second tab has to show 50 elements in a recyclerview, with a header that has to fill the entire screen and when the user scrolls down, the image has to fix to the top of the screen, and never go back when you scroll up.

and two more exercises with variations but almost same difficulty.

..... to deliver at 10 a.m at the 26th of October.

......It was 07:00 p.m when I got the email

FUCK MY LIFE

Best error message ever:
timestamp:::[ERROR] Failed to parse the error message

!rant
Learning iOS/Swift Programmer here.

I feel like Apple’s Developer Documentation is extremely hard to parse.
For one problem, it feels like there are 50 similar ways to deal with it; but only one way will actually work.

There also aren’t enough examples in the docs for me either, they just seem to go: “Here’s some code, figure out what it’s purpose is.” for most things.

I also feel stupid, because I’m using the Hacking with Swift tutorials to learn iOS Development(Great Tutorials Though); and I don’t know how to just build an app from scratch. (i.e. creating swift files and assets and compiling from the terminal.)

And using StackOverflow feels like cheating.

Lastly, I feel awful inside when other people see my work and think I’m a genius, when really, I feel like I barely know anything at all.

I’m I alone in this observation?
Or just dumb?

Disclaimer: I should know what I'm doing but I don't. 😢

I'm a very experienced full stack dev (15+ years), but I don't know the more modern JS frameworks. I'm trying to learn React and I have a little project I'd like to do.

I have database (in both SQLite form and JSON form). I'd like to read from it, parse it and run various displays in a shared hosting environment (that doesn't have node). So webpack. And either an API to get the data or a React compatible SQL component.

But dagnamit, I cannot find a tutorial or example with this kind of set up and I can't figure it out. What packages do I need and what kind of config?

I genuinely thought this would be a traditional and simple architecture but I'm obviously mistaken. And I'm about to turn in my developer card because I'm clearly a stupid twonk.

Has anyone done this? Do you know of any tutorials or examples of this kind of thing? Is there somewhere else I should ask this question? Thanks anyway...

I fucking hate people who uses complex words to describe something simple.

Describing a frame work

Show-off : "..you can define what objects/tables to expose, what values in that object you want to expose...if you are using some orm, then because you have models defined. Once you update your model, your endpoints get the new model..."
Simpleton : "something like parse..."

Wtf is 'fixedUUID'?

Show-off: "..hardcoded UUID is fixed (constant) value, with format of UUID, hardcoded UUID will be unique value between backend and frontend,
you will need to store it as constant value in your codebase ( we may encrypt/ decrypt it for security reasons)..."
Simpleton : "a secret password only u & I know"

--why whyyyyyyyyyy

I have got head ache to parse a text file with out delimiter ...........

Went on a Hackathon with two friends. They didn't do shit. This week, they told me that they only knew c#, so we should switch to that. (I use Linux so I shouldn't have accepted that) Just learned that they are going to a maths camp this week and the deadline is next Sunday. Dotnet core CANNOT PARSE FUCKING JSON. I'll rewrite it in node.js, and hope that I can type fast enough to finish in time. Fuck me, fuck my lazy friends and especially fuck Microsoft for saying that they support Linux while providing a dotnet for Linux published in 200-fucking-5

watched android tutorial on how to use Parse for logins and storing data......went to parse website to download starter project......found out parse is retiring and no longer spport new users :(

Other build tools:

Here is a plugin, use it . Be done.

Scala Build Tool aka SBT:

Build your own plugin.

Everything is scala...
You can create by the way funny endless loops when using the wrong syntax - yet it might compile successfully. And then when you load the plugin, it works. Till it is evaluated - lazy evaluation for the fun.

Error messages are at best cryptic.

*If* you manage to get a working plugin and *if* it runs...

Surprise. Surprise.

You might need to parse the log output of SBT.

Another funny surprise: Log output isn't configurable. You can configure the log level. That's it.

So after a lot of pain stakingly putting together a fucking shitty plugin, you can now grind the rest of your brain with ...
sed.

Cause yeah. You can now use regex to parse an sbt build log and extract the necessary information.

:)

...

So....

Are we there?

Mwahahahhaa.

Only if you haven't forgotten to either disable colored output for SBT... Or take an extra mile with e.g. less -R.

Otherwise you have ASCII control characters in your file. :-)

After getting that shit to work, you now have finally a parseable build log.

Just took days instead of hours.

But that's SBT. :-)

Why the fuck do I need an Accept, A content-type AND and responseType (which, by the way doesn't go with the rest of the request headers, it has to sit outside them just to fuck you up). Just so angular will stop trying to parse absolutely fucking every request as JSON?

I'm well aware my knowledge of http protocols and angulars apis's are not the best but for fuck sake. What dark book of secrets must I uncover to illuminate the strategies behind these choices?

Why, when the Accept type is text, the Content-Type is text. When the request itself is handwritten beautifully on parchment and sent via fucking carrier pigeon to the backend and returned by horse and carriage, does ANGULAR STILL TRY TO PARSE IT AS FUCKING JSON. JUST STOP.

-we have a huge nested object to represent this functionality.
- just save it in the DB under "settingsx" column as a stirng. No need for different columns

We had to parse it multiple times in the client and the server.
After a year in the company, I've managed to convince the team leader to move to json object at least