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~ Freelancer.com Week #1 ~
Project: I need someone to debug an application's code and review it. Budget 30 bucks.
Bid: I am an experienced developer I can probably review it in an hour.
client: Hi, need you to check if app is contains virus [link to scam website]
me: sure, download supposed "social Bitcoin miner" and run some AV tests...8+ positive flags for a Trojan virus.
>Me: It's a Trojan virus mate it's not legitimate😟
>Client: Can you remove the Trojan virus so that the legit not stays?
Me: Umm there is no bot mate it's just a virus 😕 I wouldn't open it outside a sandbox
Client: But here it says Bitcoin faucet bot [links shitty how-to youtube video]
Me: 😒 it's not real dude you are about to get scammed, I can test it in a VM if you. . .
Client: I opened it already, it's working
Me: 😮 r u sure?
Client: yes, can you install VM for further testing?
Me: sure, in your computer?
Me: just download the windows image and text me when it's done
Client: My disc is full! Only 3 gb left
Me: 😑 call me when you clean it
Client: [ offline ]5
I built our slack bot messages so that they are prefixed in BIG LETTERS with whatever system they originate from, i.e.:
"DEVELOP: You are a useless product manager"
"STAGING: You are a useless product manager"
"PRODUCTION: You are a useless product manager"
One of these is when a payment is made on our platform. Our lovely product manager proceeds to message me, "did you just trigger a payment in the test system?".
YES, OBVIOUSLY I DID SEEING AS THE MESSAGE HAS THE GIANT WORD "STAGING" IN FRONT OF IT!!!
My son is into playing Roblox. He asked me to help him find an auto clicker that doesn't have viruses/malware. We looked into cheatengine (which I have used in the past), but despite getting it from a legit source it is getting flagged as malware. So we started writing one with Python. I did check to see what their policy on bots is:
"Using bots that are programmed to run disruptive, large-scale tasks"
is the only text I can find about bots. It seems like they don't care if you make bots to automate tasks or play the game.
I plan on having some fun with this and including a little gui to control the bot while the game runs in the background (the goal). I had tried to get my son to have an interest in programming so this is a good intro.9
Me: API support, please check why I'm getting ECONNTIMEDOUT for 3% of requests
supp: before we look into this, please answer these questions: a), b), c), d), e)
Me and coleague: *spend 20 minutes gathering all the details into a nice answer. Post the answers*
Slack bot: *removes the answer [allegedly for compliance/security]*
api supp: any update?
..... I really want to smash smth. Hulk SMASH!!!3
Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.
Fucking A.I. resume filter bots.
As if tech interviews weren't hard enough, I have to fill my resume with keywords to get past a bot! Every damn application and cover letter has to be unique.
It's the same.damn.language.
Yes, I spend my spare time with C and Python. Why does that say "unsuitable candidate" instead of "versatile"??!!
$#*%!?&@ tech industry.
Take your "Good luck with your future endeavors" and stuff it up your ass.1
Meine erste post in Deutsche als die sprache fur die automatische testen. Ich spreche deutsch nicht gut, daher entschuldigen Sie mich bitte beim allen Deutschen menschen.30
Based on @darksideofyay "poll feature" request I made a simple bot to make them.
Just post this as a comment:
@PollBot Q: <Your question>?
- <Answer 1>
- <Answer 2>
// Up to 10 answers
It will post a comment for each answer, just upvote the one you like (look at the upvotes to see the result of the poll).
P.S. It's not ideal and it's running on a mini PC in my house, so it could fail sometimes. :P36
Can we get a translator bot? I can't copy paste the text in app, so every time I want to translate some rant, I have to copy rant link, open it elsewhere, copy the text, and then go translate it.
Like, bots must do it easier and faster, right?16
I dream of a chat bot that would read my Kanban/scrum boards and answer status queries for me.
Instead of spending 1h13mins (I measured) on average EACH AND EVERY DAY just telling people whatever is written on the story cards, the robot could tell them for me.
Maybe someone will suggest on the comments that people should just read by themselves on the story cards. Yeah, people will ask you where the toilet is while you are peeing on it. That is why we need robot nannies for professional adults.1
Back from the dead with more vaguely-obscure technical bullshit
Working on a chatbot for my BS-CS. Almost done with college, so the assignment is to make a bot that recommends you a CS career. Cool.
I get through making a joint personality and skill-interest quiz that gives you number grades on different spectra. So far, so good. But this project has to be done entirely in pandorabots' online editor. So no scripting. Zero scripting. 100% markup language. That means to even do math, you need to copy a standard library off GitHub.
I mean, that's fine and all, but the syntax is just atrocious, because everything in AIML is input->response. If you ask the bot "what is 5+5?" you must have it go:
- recognize pattern WHAT IS * + *
-> redirect -> XADD * XS *
-> do math -> recurse result
uncomfy. Plus, variables can only be accessed through <get> and <set> tags. But mangeable.
So here's where the story becomes a rant.
In the standard docs, there's all these math functions, and they work. There's also logic.
And then there's this fucker
XIF [ * ] XS [ * ]
Which has no documentation and just doesn't work. No idea what the brackets mean. Tried putting in TRUE, tried putting in true math statements (5 XEQ 5), tried putting in recursion tags to trick it, tried everything. It just ignores it.
There is not a single comment, stackOverflow post, or youtube video that even acknowledges the existence of this thing.
So unless I want to convert the entire logic of my program into nested SWITCH statements with the <condition> tag, I'm just fucked.
The icing on the cake is, I go to tech support on Pandorabots to ask for help with this. What do they have except a chatbot to cheerfully tell me that no humans are around to help me right now?
gonna have to build an entire fuckin turing machine in markup tags to calculate whether x = 3
The fun with the Slack continues (context: https://devrant.com/rants/5552410/...).
I got in touch with their support (VERY pleasant experience!). Turns out, even though I specify a `filetype` when uploading a file via Slack's API, Slack ignores it and still scans the payload and tries to determine its type itself. They say Slack needs to be absolutely certain that the file will be readable within Slack.
IDK about you, but that raises some flags for me. I again have that itch to password-zip all the files I'm sending over.
I've raised this concern to the support rep. Waiting for his comments.6
How bad an idea is it to avoid having to write VoIP for my game by writing a discord bot instead that moves people between rooms that represent the literal rooms in game?10
Recruiter bot just emailed me with some offers, let's take a look...
"Hand-on Experience with SQL and NO-SQL Databases preferably Redux"
Whew! I was worried for a second, thank god they are using a Redux database and not one of those really crappy React databases! I'll really consider applying now.
Today I wrote a python messenger bot which listens to only one command;
It then replies with its public IP address. I figured this would be the easiest hotfix until I fix my dynamic DNS client.
Now thinking of it I could also make an "update domain" command for doing the API call, and then link the two with a loop and minute delay. Marvelous.4
well that's curious... Apparently, when uploading a csv file via bot, Slack now appends a .py suffix to it.
I wonder what's the logic behind it. Trick as many users as possible into executing potentially malicious code?21
I did not think that making a serverless Discord bot would be such a learning experience. The code itself was easy. The hard part was the infrastructure, because I decided to automate it all with Terraform and deploy it on AWS.
Before this project, I had no idea how API Gateways worked. Now I still have very little idea how they work but I managed to build one anyway. Eventually. And then I had to figure out how to automate the deployment of a lambda layer and function that would both still be managed in the Terraform state, with any code changes triggering a rebuild and update for the resource.
And then I had to untangle a dependency mess because API Gateways have some weird issues where two resources that have no explicit dependencies on each other will throw an error if they don't deploy in the right order.
And then I went the wrong way with Github actions trying to conditionally chain multiple workflows together before I realized I could just put multiple jobs with conditions in a single workflow.
And now after all that work over the course of 2 days, I have a bot that does this:2
The Berlin rental market is so bad that I have to spend my long weekend figuring out how to write a bot to send applications for me.. (or keep hitting F5 all day and still be too late)5
I wrote a bot. Does it count as making a new friend from coding?
It writes me bunch of interesting news everyday, maybe it will get a name and start speaking the news stories so I don’t have to read them.2
time to go for full snack development
started some open source project for discord bot that provides info for some free game users, through scrapping forum and requesting apis
This is kind of going to be a major refactorized second version, that considers all mistakes of a first version. And going to be much more scalable and easy to maintain.6
I just started a new job where in my onboarding, I’m supposed to learn typescript and react. I am also supposed to gain some knowledge of databases. Since I am so new, I don’t really have any meetings. I see my manager maybe 2x a day. I’ve been using my time at work to learn these technologies.
I learn best by doing projects. I recently built a bot that scrapes media off of one site and posts it on another site. I was thinking I could create a react front end in typescript for the bit. I would also add a database to my project (the model for the front end) which contains the post history of the bot.
Would that be appropriate for work? I thought it would be good project to help me learn react. However, I am new to the “corporate” world and I feel like my manager won’t want me to waste company time on my side project.
The only other responsibilities I have are reviewing the source code and watching some onboarding videos6
Built a pretty slick chat bot for my company’s conferences that used Google’s Dialogflow for natural language processing and conversation state
It worked from a web chat or SMS. Allowed manual responding by agents as well as the chat bot. Pulled dynamic answers through a 3rd party API integration
Most common questions “what is the wifi password” and “tell me a joke”
Project was killed after 2 conferences - thankfully it only took me a few weeks to build4
- it turned out, the crucial heisenbug i thought i have slain is still there.
- it turned out the data exchange format we agreed on was not applied correctly by the others an bogus productive data was made and I now have to make my app accept the bogus format.
- it turned out the updater a collegue invented does a lot of stuff but does bot update at all.
Wtf what a day!
Aka... How NOT to design a build system.
I must say that the winning award in that category goes without any question to SBT.
SBT is like trying to use a claymore mine to put some nails in a wall. It most likely will work somehow, but the collateral damage is extensive.
If you ask what build tool would possibly do this... It was probably SBT. Rant applies in general, but my arch nemesis is definitely SBT.
Let's start with the simplest thing: The data format you use to store.
Well. Data format. So use sth that can represent data or settings. Do *not* use a programming language, as this can neither be parsed / modified without an foreign interface or using the programming language itself...
Which is painful as fuck for automatisation, scripting and thus CI/CD.
Most important regarding the data format - keep it simple and stupid, yet precise and clean. Do not try to e.g. implement complex types - pain without gain. Plain old objects / structs, arrays, primitive types, simple as that.
No (severely) nested types, no lazy evaluation, just keep it as simple as possible. Build tools are complex enough, no need to feed the nightmare.
Data formats *must* have btw a proper encoding, looking at you Mr. XML. It should be standardized, so no crazy mfucking shit eating dev gets the idea to use whatever encoding they like.
Workflows. You know, things like
- update dependency
- compile stuff
- test run
Keep. Them. Simple.
Especially regarding settings and multiprojects.
If you want to know how to absolutely never ever do it.
Again - keep. it. simple.
Make stuff configurable, allow the CLI tool used for building to pass this configuration in / allow setting of env variables. As simple as that.
Allow project settings - e.g. like repositories - to be set globally vs project wide.
Not simple are those tools who have...
- more knobs than documentation
- more layers than a wedding cake
- inheritance / merging of settings :(
- CLI and ENV have different names.
- CLI and ENV use different quoting
Which brings me to the CLI.
If your build tool has no CLI, it sucks. It just sucks. No discussion. It sucks, hmkay?
If your build tool has a CLI, but...
- it uses undocumented exit codes
- requires absurd or non-quoting (e.g. cannot parse quoted string)
- has unconfigurable logging
- output doesn't allow parsing
- CLI cannot be used for automatisation
It sucks, too... Again, no discussion.
Last point: Plugins and versioning.
I love plugins. And versioning.
Plugins can be a good choice to extend stuff, to scratch some specific itches.
Plugins are NOT an excuse to say: hey, we don't integrate any features or offer plugins by ourselves, go implement your own plugins for that.
That's just absurd.
(precondition: feature makes sense, like e.g. listing dependencies, checking for updates, etc - stuff that most likely anyone wants)
Versioning. Well. Here goes number one award to Node with it's broken concept of just installing multiple versions for the fuck of it.
Another award goes to tools without a locking file.
Another award goes to tools who do not support version ranges.
Yet another award goes to tools who do not support private repositories / mirrors via global configuration - makes fun bombing public mirrors to check for new versions available and getting rate limited to death.
In case someone has read so far and wonders why this rant came to be...
I've implemented a sort of on premise bot for updating dependencies for multiple build tools.
Won't be open sourced, as it is company property - but let me tell ya... Pain and pain are two different things. That was beyond pain.
That was getting your skin peeled off while being set on fire pain.
I had to contact technical support for an API. I’m pretty sure I was emailing with a bot because I was getting all sorts of stupid replies.
Me: I’m using your SDK for language X. It’s returned null for some properties. In the user portal, I can see there are values for those properties for the transaction. I don’t know why I’m not receiving them on my end.
Tech Support: Hi! I see the following was sent in the API response. [Sends api response to me.] You can also go the the portal to see those values.
Me: Yeah, I know. You just repeated everything I wrote to you. I don’t want to go to the portal. I told you I want to figure out why your SDK doesn’t seem to map those properties correctly when I receive the api response.
TS: Let me look at the docs. I think you need to send the properties you want in your request in order to get them back in the reply from the api. Such as <property>value<property> in the xml message.
🤨 The docs do not say that. They don’t even imply that.
Me: What the fuck?! That makes absolutely no sense. We have already established that the api **is** returning values for those properties. I want to troubleshoot why your SDK is mapping them as NULL.
So, I have a friend and he asked me to do a discord bot for him. (The language was kinda up to me and I chose Python). Nothing complicated (theoretically). I coded it, tested it and sent it to him. But after installing it, he got a different issue EVERY single day. And he didn't change anything! The most infuriating part is, that I couldn't even reproduce the issues he had. WHY? Why can't it just work? Why can't a simple project not just be simple?5
What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2
A bot that lives on your IM accounts and automatically replies "please add postcode" to any incoming message that looks like an address but doesn't have one.5
I am trying to build a forex trading bot using node.js and meta-api.
I have no knowledge of bots before this.
Anyone has worked on this or want to collaborate, It would be great.2
Yukki Music Bot
okay so, I'm bout to post my first rant and its basically about this telegram bot whose dev team I'm a part of, Yukki Music Bot.
It all started around April 2021 when most of us were busy streaming Netflix, chilling and locked up due to Covid that some people decided to make something interesting and for the community.
It was at first just a simple bot which just played music on call but now, due to the countless efforts and time by the Team Yukki, now you can even stream Ipl in telegram voice chat! and almost all of the music platforms are supported by Yukki >~<.
Check it out at @TeamYukki in GitHub!4
The problem as i see it is summed up in the following: everyone is fucking crazy
asked this guy i see here alot working, 'ever feel left behind in hell' he says 'oh this isn't hell it's (redacted) and we're on (redacted)'s mountain so we're closer to heaven'
so i make a not very novel joke anymore and I say "maybe there's a hellmouth over there, and we'd just have a farther fall" he smiled. it was a funny joke. whenever it was first made.
it was cynical humore expressing my present level of personal misery as I rot with everyone else.
also. remembered being able to convince someone to work for 50/hr doled out each hour as was satisfactory.
wonder if its possible again, person in question doesn't appear to be here today. oh well.
far far more honest than the other fucked up shit they do here and yes this whole rant was made before.
so. not a bot :P
and not making the comment about ownership let someone take this piece of life and let me get booted forward 15 years. fuckers.7
Wow, I'm so glad that my Discord bot I played around with last year fits within AWS's free tier, because I totally forgot it existed. I only used it to test some things and then never touched it again.
Just rediscovered its existence when I was thinking about building a new bot, lol.