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Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?
Me: That machines take over the world.
Girlfriend: What?
Toaster: What?12 -
Me and my girlfriend are arguing, because I'm programming a lot and I don't have time to give her attention. She said if I don't give her attention, she will break up with me.
Any suggestion where I can find a good tutorial for C#?37 -
Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong44 -
My girlfriend got bitten by a mosquito and kept scratching it.
After I complained about the size of the bite, she said "c'mon it's just a bit, not big enough to be a byte".
When I finished facepalming (it took a while), I realized how proud I am of her.3 -
My girlfriend is amazing:
After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.
The little things spur us on.40 -
Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*
Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend13 -
I told my girlfriend about Devrant. Now she's hooked onto it and doesn't pay attention to me. And now I'm ranting about it on Devrant. Oh the irony! T_T11
-
I was showing my girlfriend how merge sort works... Halfway through my visual explanation, she took the pen from me and finished the algorithm.
I think I have chosen wisely :')9 -
Girlfriend (art student): “You’re in CS. Why don’t you use Windows? Macs are terrible for programming.”
Me: “macOS is better for doing command line compilation and shit because it supports Unix terminal commands and stuff with a reliable OS that’s better-supported than most Linux OSes. I also have Windows on my laptop too, for Visual Studio.”
Girlfriend: “Only like 1% of people use command line stuff. Windows is better for programming. I’ve seen a lot of CS majors use Windows.”
Me: “Uh. You watch me use my computer every day. The stuff I do in Terminal takes forever on Windows.”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but Windows is just better for programming though.”
Help.46 -
Girlfriend = zero productivity!
I like to work at night! When I can hear myself think. Girlfriend is jealous of my code! Argues with me to come to bed and then I lose my inspiration.22 -
Yesterday my friend was telling me that he was hacking some federal server in my country, and his girlfriend interrupted him and he couldn't complete the hacking
Such a lier 😏
We don't have girlfriends5 -
!rant
Girlfriend doing her first IT internship:
"I think I got the roto virus"
Me: "Disconnect LAN cable and turn off PC, so that you do not infect the entire company's network".
GF: "Why would I do that, it's my body that feels bad".4 -
Last night my girlfriend told me that she downloaded devRant in attempts to understand my world. I nearly shed a tear. I'm so proud of her.10
-
Girlfriend: "My computer is so slow!"
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"
Girlfriend: "That's not funny, I actually need help."
Me: "Okay babe, I know you think I'm being an ass right now or tying to be funny, but honest to god half of what pays rent here and buys you so many flowers is me telling people to turn something of and then on again. Just try it."
Girlfriend: *Restarts computer*... "You were right..."28 -
My non techie girlfriend :) <3
-----------
She: Hey I am getting a new phone!
Me: which one?
She: Apple I phone
Me: oh cool!
She: yea I am really excited. I can't wait to have more space on my phone. I can't have anything on my current phone.
Me: yup.
She: new phone will have a lot of storage space. Its going to be 64MB. Imagine all the things I can do with it now.
Me: Hey, the 90's called, they want their storage sizes back.
*hilarious laughter ensues*
Dat iPhone crowd doe. Android 4 life.13 -
Girlfriend: "Test"
Me:"?"
Girlfriend: "just checking. My text would not send..."
Me:"so you pinged me?"
Girlfriend:"Yes. :)"
Me: "198.403.10.32"14 -
So my girlfriend (non techie) just saw my rant about how I'd give her a baby if she knew how to close vim in a proper way (she saw me on devRant, asked me to show it and read my rants) and so I showed her vim so she'd get the joke.
I than told her, how it worked and such so she'd see how it's not a regular text editor and told her to try and quit it, and to my amazement, she did!
Guess she's a keeper :')11 -
Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"
This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.11 -
I broke up with my girlfriend today
She asked me a help of a some real time issue.
What she actually want to accomplished is to copy content through mouse from one laptop, unplugged the mouse, plugging in the mouse to other laptop and trying to paste content there.22 -
Rant!!
Girlfriend call me while am at a meeting.
I mute my phone...
She calls again and again for the 3rd time back to back. I leave the meeting stating this might be important..
I answer the call...
Me: hey babe , all okay ?
She: you’re busy ?
Me: yeah sorta , tell me wassup ?
She : if you’re busy then it’s okay we can talk later
Me: it’s all right . Are you okay ?
She : yes, but if you’re busy we can talk later ..
Me :(FUCKKKKKKKK THIS FUCKING FUCK WOMEN LOGIC, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS)
The above statement was said internally
Me:(in reality) you sure babe? I’ve left the meeting so I can talk..
She: nothin much I was suppose to be in your area in a couple of hours so wanted to know if you could meet
26 -
Talking to girlfriend:
Me: “Hey could you send me the google maps location of the place?”
Girlfriend: “Sure.”
*Receives a link that only says http://maps.google.com or some shit, no query params or anything*
Me: “Hun, there’s nothing on that link.”
Girlfriend: “There is, just click on it!”14 -
I broke up with my Girlfriend at restaurant and She started crying, everyone thought i had proposed so they started Clapping. 😂🤣😎13
-
Was working on some a project at a coffee shop with my girlfriend when I got frustrated and exclaimed "God damn why is this method breaking everything". My girlfriend looks up at me and starts in surprise "code can break?".6
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Today my girlfriend of 5 years asked me to make her an app, and continued «It will be super easy to make!»...
I feel... betrayed.9 -
I just cringed heavily when my girlfriend pulled out a LAN cable without pressing the safety clip thingy3
-
Life lesson learned:
If your girlfriend asks you what SO means, it's "Significant Other",
NOT StackOverflow.7 -
So yesterday my girlfriend and me wanted to clean the apartment.
We ended up coding on a private project all day long... but at least we put //FIXME notes all over our place.
Let's see how today goes. ^^ -
My girlfriend this morning: "You're just over there on devRant, and I'm in here making you breakfast in my underwear.. What the hell is on devRant that's so important?"
Me: "I'll be in in just a minute, hold on......"7 -
!rant
Last night my girlfriend was extremely happy to make her first Android hello world application.4 -
I hate it when people say they want to "GET a new girlfriend"...
Shouldn't it be "FIND a new girlfriend"?
I mean you can't just go into the supermarket and get some butter, milk and a new girlfriend. You can't buy them. By saying that, you seem to me as if you're treating women as objects. I know it's technically possible to buy a girlfriend, but that's prostitution.
I think that "GET a new girlfriend" just doesn't sound right...
Your opinions?38 -
Coding won over my first girlfriend!
My senior year of high school I taught myself C++ and thought it was the coolest thing (lol). So I wrote a stupidly simple program that would ask your name and output a random riddle. But if the name was hers it was a riddle in which case the answer was "a date". Looking back, even if she was on my robotics team it was the nerdiest thing.
We dated for 8 months and broke up as friends. But to this day it provides a great story as I pursue software development.4 -
Girlfriend: babe where are you?
Me : at the gym
Girlfriend: waoh nice babe
Me: ya the system crashed again
Girlfriend: oh I went too far
Hahaha2 -
During an interview today for angular:
In the last section of interview female staff:
She : Do you have a girlfriend?
Me : Nop
She : Why do not you have a girlfriend? Guys at your age has girlfriends.
Me : ( Died inside )
Boost me up.. #cod4 , #Root . Whoever over there.. Boost my confidence37 -
My girlfriend knows me so well 😂 She got me a baby coding duck in a bottle (bought at the Boston Tea Party museum, nickel for scale) 😍
6 -
girlfriend: "which color do you like better for the kitchen?"
me: "${girlfriend.kitchenColorChoice}"7 -
Girlfriend: There are so many passwords to remember, man. What's my amazon password, baby?
Me: Just use a password manager?
Girlfriend: That sort of thing exists?12 -
Last month I discovered my girlfriend created a GitHub account some time ago just because she saw the icon was like a cat in the Discord Connections settings and was curious about what it was.
That's the most adorable dev-related thing that has ever happened to me.10 -
That moment when you are vehemently explainig your code to a yellow rubber duck, and your girlfriend comes into the room...
aaaaand you have no more girlfriend.12 -
My Girlfriend broke with me today.
We was in this relationship from two years now. we was doing very good, our relationship was not toxic, no fights, no bad words, zero problems.
One month ago she goes to travel with her evangelical aunt to the beach. Her aunt have lot of money she gets from scamming all that believers. I was happy for my ex-gf because here in out city she was having lot of problems of health, mainly because she was not very mind stable and that degraded her health.
When she goes, her physical and mental health improve a lot. i was happy she is stable now. Her aunt have some Church around the city they go, aunt started to bring her very often to the church. She started to strongly reinforce they God beliefs.
Of course im atheist, she know that from very long time ago. But of course when she started to be more devoted, feels dont fit with me. I refuse to change my mindset about that topic.
Today she says we must broke because im not a believer. This was the most painful experience in my life. I fall in cry for three hours. I truly love her. I recently wakeup and decide to write this rant. I dont have too much friends to talk apart from her. So i wish to share this here.
Im unemployed, she was my only support all this job hunting times. Now she was gone and im alone, this hurts a lot.
Im trying to dont fall deep af, to non return path.
Fuck religion. and her fanatic aunt.31 -
When your girlfriend takes notes for you over the phone so you don't forget it before you get home.
8 -
!rant
Me and my girlfriend just broke up.
I was sad at first but now I can really start focusing on some really interesting projects.
Such as my new secret website that I will release soon. I think you'll like it.10 -
Few days ago, my boss join devRant. And last night, my girlfriend join devRant too.
*Their watching. Beware!!!18 -
Me: "do you know about .exe files?"
Girlfriend: "yeah, like '.exe stopped working'"
*Windows exe immediately associated with bugs by common user*11 -
Get really motivated to make something at 1am.
Pulls out laptop, earphones go in.
Types first line of code, girlfriend wakes up, complains about the lowest screen brightness with dark theme being too bright.
Motivation killed.5 -
My girlfriend says to me:
"Any other girlfriend would be suspicious why you're smiling and laughing into your phone."
I showed her devRant, she gets ['hip','hip'] 😊 -
Girlfriend: hey, wake up.
Me: Error this interface has no audio input mode. The normal process can continue without audio.
Girlfriend: You aren't even coding.
Me: The interface was running without audio when interrupted. The behavior for audio is undocumented.
Girlfriend: I just want to know if you want to unplug your headphones.
Me: **wearily recalls most people don't refer to sleep as an interface** -
Today my cat, my oldest girlfriend, passed away. She chose to be in the sun for her passing. I'm happy she had a good life in the end with all the space she needed. She did not suffer. It was sudden and just a cardiac arrest.
May she hunt many more mice and little birds in the afterlife.
21 -
While my classmates are roaming around with their girlfriend , I m also having fun with mine . Have a look at mine girlfriend
28 -
Just broke up with my girlfriend and it feels AWESOME! Like I’m free now! I finally can do what I like to!
Finally! To live without regrets and fears of not being able to entertain someone. It’s finally my thoughts, my music, MY life. My fucking life. Just me as is and it’s awesome. Finally, after three years of suffering.
FUCK YOU16 -
"Today my girlfriend gifted me new words"
"hurrah, new things to learn"
"Now I'm waiting for the next new words, I hope they will be as exciting as the last ones"
You couldn't be more right.
Ich liebe dich so sehr~ <37 -
Girlfriend had issue with her Python code (she does mathmatics, not actual programming):
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t*100) // 5174, wrong value
```
instead of
```
t = 51.74636335135748
i = int(t)*100 // 5000, right value...
```
She asked me if I could fix it for her.
I found the issue but wanted her to understand what went wrong.
She didn't care "because she didn't have time for it".
Well, then it's quite simple for me: I have no time to help her :^)7 -
I recently had to explain to my girlfriend why I was searching for rubber ducks on Amazon.
She doesn't get it. I swear I haven't caught another weird addiction! 😨 🐤5 -
The phone conversation that resulted in a breakup:
Me (to the new girl): So, which service did you take?
[My girlfriend enters and takes the phone from me; I was shocked by the sudden entry]
New girl: GoDaddy!
Girlfriend slams the phone on my face.
That day, I lost 2 things: one on-going and another potential relationship ...10 -
!rant
This might be the most ambitious project I've ever started up till now, teaching my girlfriend everything college isn't.
As some of you may know my uni isn't the greatest and lacks in professor quality, my girlfriend (who's taking the same bachelor) knows this and when she knew I was starting a new little side project she wanted in.
At first I was skeptical, this could be just an excuse to spend more time with me, so I told her:
"if you really want to then I'm all for it, it'll be done my way and the first few weeks will be tough, however I promise by the end of it you will know 10x what you do now"
She agreed and so our journey began 3 weeks ago, my goal: make a kick ass project, do it in record time and teach her enough to cope with a IRL job.
I've setup the project so by the end of it she is well versed in the following: scrum, Django, MVC, python, HTML + CSS3, git, GitHub, PostgreSQL and Docker. In about 4 to 6 months.
We are into our third sprint this week, she had two small breakdowns because she couldn't believe how much she was missing out and felt she lacked talent, this is our third week and I'm glad to see that she's actually enjoying herself.
2 -
All my friends have girlfriends right now, spending good times and having fun over the weekend.
And here I am trying to figure out how to integrate Jquery UI with React :(11 -
My girlfriend configuring her e-mail account in the app because her phone had to be reset to factory :
-I can't figure out how to do these setting, annoying...
-Oh yeah the imap and smtp servers can be tricky, let me put that
(I Google the settings for her mail provider and put them in)
-It still doesn't work.
-Uuuh, maybe with another security setting, try it.
-This shit still doesn't work, seriously my phone is broken.
-Have you verified the e-mail address and carefully typed the password?
-Yes of course, I've tried it several time
(I take the phone and check all the parameters... During a looooong time... Until it hits me.)
-Hmm... Can you read the e-mail you've entered?
-Yeah, it's my mail, blabla@hotmail.com.
-No can you read it again please?
-It's blabla, why?
-No, can you *spell* your e-mail?
-Yeah it's B-L-A-B-L-A-@-H-O-M-A... Ow shit...
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
My girlfriend heard me when I said to want the devRant's stress ball and she decided to compensate.
1 -
My girlfriend is ranting about her work... It's a shame she isn't into tech or something like that.. If she would, I could show her the beauty of this online platform.
-
So far one of the biggest challenge for me is if I should spend my money on a girlfriend or computer components.
.
.
.
I am getting a £1400 pc soon5 -
TL;DR - Girlfriend wanted to learn coding, I might have scared her off.
Today, my girlfriend said she wants to learn coding.
Me: why?
She: well, all these data science lectures are recommending Python and R.
Me: Ok. But, are you interested in coding?
She: No, but I think I have to learn.
Me: Hmm.. coding requires a clear thought process, and we should tell the computer exactly what needs to be done.
She: I think I can do that.
Me: Okay... then tell the computer to think and give a random number between 1 to 10.
She: I will use that randint function. (She has basic knowledge in C)
Me: Nope. You write your own logic to make the computer think.
She: What do you mean?
Me: If I were you... Since it is just a single digit number.. I would capture the current time and would send the last digit of milliseconds @current time.
She: Oh yeah, that's cool. Understood! I will try...
" " "
We both work in same office.. so, we meet up for lunch
" " "
I didn't ask about it, but she started,
She: Hmm, I thought about it, but I was not able to think of any solution. May be its not my cup of tea.
I felt bad for scaring her off... :(
Anyway, what are some other simple methods to generate random numbers like OTPs. I am interested in simple logics, which you have thought of..not the Genius algorithms we have in predefined libraries.26 -
That moment when your boyfriend gets into coding and he's like her girlfriend don't exist anymore.2
-
Girlfriend : What's wrong with you nowadays!!!
Me : Something went wrong and I'm trying to solve it. -
!rant
Devrant really goes against the movie techie stereotype. Almost everyone has a girlfriend or wife and family!!!8 -
class Life extends Death{
public static void main(String...args){
Guy me = new Guy();
me.born();
GirlFriend gf = new GirlFriend();
me.setGirlFriend(gf);
me.getMarried();
me.haveSon();
me.die();
}
}
------- Exception on line 5: NullPointerException, girlfriend cannot be null ---
Daaamnn6 -
Just texted my girlfriend my exam results:
"Got my programming fundamentals results!
exam: 91,
coursework: 97,
final: 94"
Then I realised I just used JSON syntax to text my girlfriend...4 -
y'all have any ideas for something techy i can do for my girlfriend?
i want to make her an app or something she can see every day and smile at4 -
Girlfriend to Siri: Set my alarm to 05:30
Siri (with the man voice): ok, I have set your alarm to 05:03
Girlfriend (absolutely satisfied): Ok but I don't want this
*manually turns wrong alarm off and the correct one on* -
Hi guys! Im jr dev and i had a great week! My girlfriend letf my house :'( but my project it's working very well on production. It's not a prank!
#TrueStory7 -
Ok guys. I have a very important question to ask you.
I need your help. How do you explain to your girlfriend/boyfriend that you are a developer so you need to spend a lot of time on your computer? My new girlfriend does not want to understand.
Thanks guys.22 -
I do wish that we could have a dev dating site. Why? Cause I cannot give my girlfriend enough time and then she gets moody and then this leads to breakup.
Now I have to freaking choose between her or code this is bad, bad.
If we devs get dev gf she knows how things work and things would work out16 -
A couple times a week my girlfriend tells me that she leaves work. She travels with a motorised vehicle for about 45 minutes. I am responsible of cooking food on those days. The food preparation takes around 7 minutes of cutting vegetables and the cooking takes around 20 minutes. the current time of reading the message is 17:17. She had send the message at 17:08. At what time should I start making food in order to be finished at the time she gets home?
I start to relate more and more to school math questions...
Maybe I should make an app for this or website to calculate automatically.5 -
Can't wait to get a dev girlfriend,
make her my {World},
then start learning new languages even the weird ones so that I can do
~Hello {Her Name}~5 -
Your girlfriend is sucking away your time, energy, money, and sanity. Fkkkkkkk me ded plzzz asdfghjkl6
-
I live coding but I feel lonely. None of my friends code and I don't have a girlfriend to spent time with .8
-
I wish for a girlfriend that knows how to code and play games. If it will happen it will be so much fun!!!10
-
The thing that is common between my boss and my girlfriend is none of 'em understand what I actually want or want to say and always misunderstood me.5
-
Just met a lonely guy , he was terrified . I asked him what's the issue ? He said .. " My girlfriend told me that she loves gemstones , I bought her one . She broke up with me ! " And I was so confused .. I asked him why ? He said I didn't know she was a developer . I wouldn't dare to gift her a ruby... I know how it feels bruh.2
-
Trolling, music, guitar, thinking about things, looking for a girlfriend, ... but yeah, mostly trolling.18
-
If I have all nighters with my laptop, does it make my girlfriend?
Inspired by:https://devrant.io/rants/906981/...1 -
I need a new girlfriend
Because my old girlfriend is ddr3 and corei3, she is very lazy
I need an agile
(may be i need a true girlfriend)12 -
Do you know why programmers have wife and also girlfriend? Wife thinks he is with girlfriend, girlfriend thinks he is with wife and he can calmly programming. :D
-
I need to practice to get my driving license.
Since I can't ditch work or university, what should I take time from?
- Personal projects.
- Spending time with my girlfriend.
- Gym.
It sucks.10 -
That moment when exiting vim is easier for you to grasp than to understand how the relationship with your girlfriend works...1
-
I'm a boy, and i falling love with my new profile avatar.
i wish i could find a girlfriend like this.11 -
I kid you not, last night had a weird dream. In it, as I walked into my place my girlfriend came up to me with a smile and guess what.... She turned into a terminal.. With green fonts. The vividness of the dream is still fuzzing my mind.3
-
Try to teach to my girlfriend what is a class and what is a object.
Class is methods and attributes
My girlfriend starting sing "dans l'attribut de Dana" 😂🤣
Course is finish for today 🤣6 -
the boy needed dick surgery..... and there was his girlfriend before surgery and she's like "don't worry it'll be alright"..... and then he woke up after anesthesia and everything went fine but there was no girlfriend......... and he asked where is my girlfriend...... and doctor told him "who do you think gave you the dick"....... this is so sad..... liek if u agree...........4
-
me.getgirlfriend()
.then((res)=>{console.log(res.msg)})
.catch((err)=>{console.log(err.msg)})
> Girlfriend not found -
My girlfriend is taking pictures at work tomorrow.
She told me so many times this past week, that I feel the need to share.
😂
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