Excuse me boss!

During increment time
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an Plane. If u drop 1 outside. How many
are left?

Employee : That's easy, 49.

Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Employee : She crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday

Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...

Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the Plane that's the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!

Moral: If your boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed.

Real HR policy ...

HR Manager in Heaven!!!

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "

"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules."

And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
...
...
...
....
....

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies

The woman who helped develop software for the Apollo 11 was awarded a Medal of Freedom today.

Best office prank: I was pretty young and naaive. Senior dev comes to me and says that it would be hilarious to slide a note under the women's bathroom door saying, "I know what you're doing in there". He says that the woman in there will think it's hilarious too. We work with her, she's very funny and laid back, so I go along with it, expecting to get a laugh. A few minutes go by and a different older women enters my cube. She's got the note! She works on the other side of the building so I don't know her too well but I can tell from the look on her face that she's pissed. I'm frozen with fear as my career flashes before my eyes.
I apologise perfusely and try to explain but she's not having it. After a while she goes back to her office not having accepted that it wasn't meant for her and that it was just a joke gone wrong. I spend the next two days apologizing every chance I get, hoping she won't go to HR. She remains stone cold until late on the second day. She couldn't take it anymore as her mouth reluctantly begins to crack a smile. At that point she drops the serious expression on her face and busts out laughing.

It turns out that the three of them planned the whole thing and executed flawlessly. I've never felt so relieved to be the butt of a joke.

Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.

After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.

This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.

I don't understand why every non-technical person who comes to do work in my apartment messes up my fucking router.

The cleaning lady - multiple times knocked the antennas partially off. Like fucking clock work. I don't get it, why is the cleaning lady attracted to my router antennas and why does she need to be so hard on them? Whatever.

The most ridiculous episode was today. And it wasn't the cleaning lady. I had a few people here doing some work today and the woman in charge who was here informed me before that they might have to move the furniture "a little."

I come home, and like a bad omen, the plastic parts on BOTH my router antennas are missing. Completely gone. It's just the the wires. Now, the router still works fine in my tiny apartment, but it is a fancy Asus router (I learned the hard way not to buy cheap routers) and I'd like it to not have fucking wires as antennas.

I email the woman (paraphrased):

Me: hey, it seems the antennas got knocked off my router, do you have any idea where they might have went?

Her: Apologies if we didn't put everything back (no shit you didn't, that's why I've had to email you). If we knocked the antennas off the router (fucking "if"???? I literally just told you in my email that they were knocked off) , they are probably somewhere by the window on the floor (they weren't).

And I still haven't found them. Why the fuck do these people seemingly attack my router? I can't figure out what it is about it. You would think people would be more careful around electronics but naaah. Anyway, going to go keep looking for my router antennas.

Guy: "We just can't finish this in 1 month!"

Boss: "Yeah you can, I'll hire more people."

Guy: "... You know, a woman can deliver a baby in 9 months but 9 women can't deliver a baby in 1 month."

Never ask a woman about their age.

Never ask a man about their wage.

Never ask a dev about their bugs.

My first dev job was the worst! The woman in charge of the building was always on my ass! She didn't really understand what programming was and didn't like that I smoked in my office... Then I moved out of my mom's house and got my own place

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

Little fun story

About 3 years ago, my woman came gome from picking up our son from kindergarten.

She told me that she met a very nice woman - also a mom - whose man is also a dev (He is a FullStackDev, while I mainly do backend in PHP) .

She said that she invited them over for BBQ the next day.

In my mind, I was like "Fuck, now I need to listen to some wanker explaining me how great it is to be doing full stack with all the latest and greatest tools and bells and whistles why I am the fat kid using PHP"...

The BBQ-day arrived, we have met, we have talked, and we have been best friends and brothers-from-another-mother ever since.

Life is good sometimes.

Heard a CEO say at a conference that they hire the most competent candidate. Unless there is a woman in the candidates. Then they hire the woman.
That seems pretty sexist to me.

My girlfriend always takes pics of me coding saying it looks beautiful lol... I once told her that code is like a beautiful woman who is sick and you're the doctor and can't figure out what's wrong and occasionally ask your rubber duck for help...

Worst meeting I've been in?

The one where I was told by my lead and the senior that my new colleagues were having trouble speaking to me because I'm a "strong, independent woman" and that I need to make sure I don't scare them when I approach them.

-_-

The same goes for clients.

Who Is Who

➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶

➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶

➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇

➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷

➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶

➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶

Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂

Someone know where I can find some doc??

I met my girlfriend cooking. She has no programming experience whatsoever and is quite computer illiterate. But that's fine as that's not something I need in a partner.

She regularly asks me what I'm working on. I'll try to explain it, and sometimes she definitely gets it, but sometimes she's clearly lost as fuck. She'll enthusiastically say things like "that's awesome honey!" To things that are just explanations. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Most of the time it leaves me in this weird confused state, like she's just pandering.

But I know she means well and wishes me the best. She's an amazing woman, and even if she doesn't get a single thing I try to explain, I'd much rather be with that than the "Why the fuck are you always playing on the computer?" Types of people I meet far more often.

Today my manager told me she would get us phpstorm amongst other things If I requested them.

Sometimes I really want to hug this woman.

Awww yii phpstorm rules

The truth is, I don't give two shits if you're a girl, woman, man, black, white, yellow striped with pink polkadots or a transgenderfluid 2headed Ogre kin married to a nuclear penguin from mars- the fact is, what I need you to be is professional. So shut your yapping about your personal shit and get to fecking work.

$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

$ touch /woman
touch: cannot touch `woman': Permission denied

$ look into "my eyes"
can’t open my eyes

$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate

Is devRant Just for rants?

I see such a Great community here that goes way beyond complaining about PMs and users (even though you're all right, usually). I've read comments about support for depression, Anxiety, people being supportive of woman and downvoting/commenting against the common sexism that we see on the internet every single day. We have fun, we all feel like friends even though we can remember only a few names and stumble uppon them once in a while. We mostly understand each other and it all feels like a huge family. It's a Great thing to help throughout all of the struggles I have daily in Life, and I bet many people here feel the same.

Thank you all so much for making devRant this Great community. Papa bless.

Css is most definitely a woman who's mad at you but won't tell you why.

"What's wrong? what did I do? "

"Nothing..."

someone who thought me about computer when i was a child. someone who thought me machine code, and cobol. someone who thought me about the world. now he is, my dad, hospitalized again (12th times already this year) for cardiac arrest. and today, he is getting better and showing a lot of progress.

This situation thought me again about how life works and how hard can it be. my dad divorced with my mom since i am 3 months old and i've been living with my aunt since. and now he married again with a women with 2 child. i though he was gonna be happy. and apparently not. at the time of the cardiac arrest, his wife don't even want to bother and getting involved if her husband got anything emergency like this, every single thing is thrown at me (or my aunt), from calling the ambulance, paying the hospital and medical bills, accompany my dad, every minor perks, Everything and Always. Once, i reach the point and i'm very angry to her, but my dad always hold me back. and now i don't even want to bother, care, or whatever to his wife again. i just care for my father.

This will temper me more and more, for anyone who searching for your love of your life, please be careful. there is still alot of woman who doesnt have any heart.

Life is hard.

It's funny how a man gets something done and gets a "Good work, John!".

But, a woman gets the same thing done, and gets "Good work, team!".

#RealFuckingStory #ItHappenedToMe

I've been very busy in the last weeks so I haven't read a lot about the recent "Linux CoC drama".

Now I'm reading what happened and, well... I'm disgusted.

Especially being a woman, I'm disgusted knowing that a group of people pretend to speak for me saying that we don't need meritocracy, but only more "inclusivity" (whatever that means). I don't give a fuck of your gender, write useful code and I'll appreciate you. And please, give me back the original Linus Torvalds: his irreverence made me laugh.

Sure, sometimes discrimination exists, however good companies will hire you if you are competent, no matter how you look. Instead, I encountered some incompetent women whining about "nobody listen to my ideas because I'm a woman". No, RTFM and maybe you will able to propose better ideas and people will listen to you.

Social let's-help-female-programmers warriors piss me off.

The other day a massive email thread at work on how women are misrepresented in tech and how we need to help them and how using words such as "guys" is intimidating and generally patronising shit like "let's advertise jobs on websites like femaleprogrammers.com instead stackoverflow because there's too many white males on stackoverflow."

99% participants in this topic were guys.
One girl sent a message saying she doesn't want to be helped and she wants to know she has been picked for her skill and not filling in diversity numbers.

...would you believe she has been schooled on problems women in tech face by those lads too.

Like "woman, please... we speak diversity here"

So annoying....!!

If you hire nine women to make a baby, you won't get a baby in one month.

But if you hire one woman a month and impregnate her immediately, it will still take you nine months to get the first baby, but after that you'll get one baby per month for the rest of the year.

That's the difference between latency and throughput (and that's also how pineapple farms work, since it can take up to a year to grow pineapples).

A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman's breast.
Woman: Hey! That's private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.

It's official, I am quitting...

Boss walks in today while we busy discussing how to write up the new endpoint we need from the api and tells us there is too much discussion and as only woman can multitask, Dumi is the only person that can be productive...

Me visiting a bar...

While going for a smoke...
Woman: Can I ask you a very impolite and downright rude question..?
*expects a Facebook hacking question*
Me (hesitant): .. sure, ask ahead...
Woman: I've never seen you here before. Who are you?
Me: *tells name*
(thinking) not what I expected! (:
Woman: So you're living mostly on the internet?
Me: yeah pretty much... 🤔
Woman: So I live here next to that lawyer...
Me: I don't know most of the area here, where's that?
Woman: Why don't you look it up, hmm? 😜

Quality pwnage!! 😆

How to win at programming and life at the same time

New rant = Rant.type(['non-dev', 'public transportation']).init()

So i am taking the bus now to see a friend, and this fucking whale woman comes on board with a baby caddy, except, it wasn't for a baby, but for a fucking dog the size of a brick. That already in itself makes me grumble because dogs have fucking legs and there is no fucking real need to carry them around like newborns.... Anyways this woman sits and takes up a lot of space for the 'handicapped' persons for her fucking baby dog... So far no real issue there since people with disabilities hardly get on this bus line. A fzw bus stops later an equally whale black woman gets on the bus, obviously struggling with her size and her caddy filled with groceries...

There is enough room to accomodate the baby caddy and her groceries.
That fucking white whale says to her 'there is no room there, move someplace else'... The black woman stands there in disbelief, and this is the first time i look up, giving the 'the fuck you just say bitch' look to the white whale. I mention there is enough room and the black whale sits carefully next to the dog caddy.

Now the bus takes a sharp turn, the dog caddy tips over due to the g-forces it causes...and inmediately this white whale shouts to the black whale 'fucking retard, don't tip my dog over!' this while the black woman apologises for the fall of the caddy not even being her fault...

This angered me so puch that i rantzd to this woman: 'madam, thzre is such a thing called physics, the bus made a sharp turn and your stupud useless space-wasting dog caddy tipped over bzcause of that. Don't just go accusing people for your own degenerate racist lifestyle. I suggest you hold on to it and apologise to the lady'

She then murmles incomprehensibly and gives a butthurt look, rhe black woman thanks me and tries to remain very quiet on her seat, eventually she gets off

This fucking thing makes me angry to a level i wanna toeturz that whale by peeling off her skin with garden fence metal wiri g, suck the fat out of her body and brain with an industrial vacuum cleaner and put her in the fucking oven baking in her own fat, of course without any anesthetics...

Damnit all to hell!

Also, why on earth do dogs need caddy's? They got perfectly fine legs!

I know, sadist inside

Woman: IF you could make all the people in this forum brawl, I would go with you tonight.
Man: (Type) PHP is the best language all over the world!

The whole forum goes into brawl...

Women: You got me. I shall go with you. Do whatever you want. Let's go.
Man: Hold! Not today! I must convince them all!

Having to learn "Modern web technologies" from a 60 year old woman who has never heard of HTML5 and build her website with tables. And we even had to code on paper. Fuck sake, so much time wasted

Disclaimer: kinda non dev related. Just working to pay the bills right now.

The other day I ran for the train to work, don't want to be fucking late, right?

Arrived and this guy asked me this: (I have a sweating/transpiration problem but I'm fully aware of that)

"hey man, ever heard of fucking showers or deodorant?!"

Yes, I was sweating my ass off and you could smell me but I can't FUCKING help that.

It was very embarrassing and humiliating to get that kinda comment in front of like 30 people but I just swallowed it and went to work.

After the first break, a woman from management came to me and pulled me aside. A few people had complained about how that guy from before said some pretty humiliating stuff to me and she said that the guy received a warning and was told to fucking learn to treat people with respect, regardless of their (health) issues/appearance. I also got an apology and a sorry and if I could keep my eyes open for such behaviour in the future.

I'm very glad that she apologized although it wasn't her fault because I know I've got this health issue and I can't do anything about it yet but it can MOTHERFUCKING hurt when someone talks shit about me when I smell and I CAN'T FUCKING HELP IT BECAUSE THIS IS THE WAY MY BODY WORKS TOO BADLY.

I felt protected and safe about my issue for the first time in my life.

Thanks management!

Sooooo me and the lead dev got placed in the wrong job classification at work.

Without sounding too mean, we are placed under the same descriptor and pay scale reserved for secretaries, janitors and the people that do maintenance at work(we work for a college as developers) whilst our cowormer who manages the cms got the correct classification.

The manager went apeshit because the guidelines state that:

Making software products
Administration of dbs
Server maintenance and troubleshooting
Security (network)

And a lot of shit is covered on the exemption list and it is things that we do by a wide fucking margin. The classification would technically prohibit us from developing software and the whole it dptmnt went apeshit over it since he(lead developer) refuses (rightfully so) to touch anything and do basically nothing other than generate reports.

Its a fun situation. While we both got a substantial raise in salary(go figure) we also got demoted at the same time.

There is a department in IT which deals with the databases for other major applications, their title is "programmers" yet for some reason me and the lead end up writing all the sql code that they ever need. They make waaaaay more money than me and the lead do, even in the correct classification.

Resolution: manager is working with the head of the department to correct this blasphemy WHILE asking for a higher pay than even the "programmers"

I love this woman. She has balls man. When the president of the school paraded around the office asking for an update on a high priority app she said that I am being gracious enough to work on it even though i am not supposed to. The fucking prick asked if i could speed it up to where she said that most of my work I do it on my off time, which by law is now something that I cannot do for the school and that she does not expect any of her devs to do jack shit unless shit gets fixed quick. With the correct pay.

Naturally, the president did not like such predicament and thus urged the HR department(which is globally hated now since they fucked up everyone's classification) to fix it.

Dunno if I will get above the pay that she requested. But seeing that royal ammount of LADY BALLS really means something to me. Which is why i would not trade that woman for a job at any of my dream workplaces.

Meanwhile, the level of stress placed my 12 years of service diabetic lead dev at the hospital. Fuck the hr department for real, fuck the vps of the school that fucked this up royally and fuck people in this city in general. I really care for my team, and the lead dev is one of my best friends and a good developer, this shit will not fucking go unnoticed and the HR department is now in low priority level for the software that we build for them

Still. I am amazed to have a manager that actually looks out for us instead of putting a nice face for the pricks that screwed us over.

I have been working since I was 16, went through the Army, am 27 now and it is the first time that I have seen such manager.

She can't read this, but she knows how much I appreciate her.

I think I’m starting to really take pride in giving clients longer development times than I think will be needed.

The rule of doubling the time you think it would actually take, plus adding just a little more has protected me so many times...

Don’t be a yes man/woman...

!Rant

Once I had a summer job at the town hall that ran some mainframe program.
The woman explaining this program was like 'now that you've pushed that we have to go back 3 screens and return to it just to check if the data has been properly updated.'.

I'm first thinking like 'wtf' followed by a 'could it be' and pushed the F5 button. The thing refreshed instantly and the women went wild! (That is after staring for 2 whole seconds with her jaw dropped at the screen, unable to grasp what just happened.)

HUU?! WHAT! WHAT DID YOU PRESS!!??? HOW DID YOU..??

Turns out she was been going back and forth these screens for over more than 20 years!

Ouch..

// Objectify woman
Woman woman = new Woman();

Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree".

Just spent 3 hours trying to debug something that worked yesterday because SOMEONE thought he had a better idea of how to do it. Holy fucking shit. It worked perfectly and you started deleting my code because you didn't understand it. How about trusting that I know what I'm doing since idk I spent 2 weeks reading up on it to be able to write this. What pisses me off the most is knowing he only does this to my code because he doesn't trust me as I am a) younger than him and b) a woman.

STOP ALREADY. JUST FUCKING STOP. So fucking fed up with having my work scrapped in favor of yours because you are a fucking control freak and think I'm stupid.

- Google: Can I track you? You'd get this and that and much more if you allow me to.
- Microsoft: I will track you. Disable half of my settings if you do not want to be tracked.
- FB: I do NOT track you

A lot of people think that the Johnny Depp vs the Sun is just gossip column garbage, but it exposes a harsh truth - a man's life can be ruined just because a woman accused him with 0 evidence, and while she proves to be an unreliable witness on multiple accounts.
Everything that was done to promote equality is being destroyed by cases like that, and I am fairly certain that many male employers will prefer not to employ women, because it's not worth the risk. And for the first time in my life, I can't even blame them.
Working in this industry is hard enough as it is for women, but this sort of shit makes it impossible. Thanks MeToo, for completely losing your mind, and screwing up women and men at the same time!

Old man's tale. It's true.

Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.

One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.

We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.

We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.

There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.

Good days :)

I would really like to use Atom. If it managed to start earlier than a woman getting ready for a date.

The mysterious all 0s number called yet again.

I had my headphones on so I answered during class, but didn't talk.

It was a "debt collector" and she used my mother's maiden name saying that we should pay or something like that.

The woman was human, but used a computer generated voice to say my mother's maiden name.

So... I guess it's a scam caller.

!dev
> Get on Deutsche Bahn train
> Train delayed
> Miss Eurostar connection (not just me, many people did too), get the next one
> Building works in Brussels Station
> Maps inaccurate
> Get lost
> Find Eurostar terminal
> Electricity failure
> Check-in suspended
> After 40min, announcement
> This train cancelled, get the next one
> Electricity fixed
> Check in, finally
> Now 2½ trains worth of people need to get on this one
> Somehow fit on train
> Lose table because family needs it (fair, but annoying)
> Train departs
> More delays due to scheduling conflict
> Arrive in Lille Europe
> Stop for 10 minutes for no reason
> Announcement: "there is an illegal passenger on board, everyone and their luggage needs to get off"
> Get off train, stand on platform for a decade
> "Who has left an orange bag on coach 18?"
> Nobody
> They bring the bag out
> It's red, not orange
> "Oh it's mine, sorry" - some woman
> Wait around for ages
> "Everybody go downstairs and go through security again"
> Go through security and passport control
> Get back on train
> Arrive at St. Pancreas
> Last train to where I live has gone
> Woohoo, I get to pay for an expensive hotel in London
> Get rail replacement bus service home
> Home 😒

The following just happened in the bus:

A woman took a beautiful Enpora flip phone from 2008 out of her pocket. While she did that a small yellow paper fell on the ground. My eyes pointed at the paper and I saw multiple usernames, passwords and codes on it.

I didn't even hesitate and tapped on her shoulder and gave it back.

She was frightened! Couldn't thank me enough and told me how important it was to have that with her. She said she couldn't remember all her passwords and that if she would've lost it, she didn't know how to log in and unlock her phone anymore.

I gladly told her that it wasn't very safe but ofcourse I understoot that it can be hard to remember everything.

Also I almost told her that she could start using a password manager but with a flipphone you can't use that of course ;)

I’ve never actually had a colleague quit while I was there, buuuut, I did have a colleague disappear, here is that story:

I get hired by this colleague, seems like a nice, perfectly reasonable guy.

I’m supposed to be mentored in the codebase by him after I start.

Literally the day or day after I start, he gets a tap on the shoulder from someone in HR while he’s on the phone. He says he can’t come because he’s on the phone.

The HR woman insists, tells him to leave *everything* and he never returns.

Turns out the police were downstairs to arrest him.

He got caught up in Operation Yewtree which for those that don’t know, was the UK’s sting op on historic pedophilia cases.

MFW my manager gets arrested and the senior dev is too busy to mentor me, so I basically have to sink or swim 🤣

When I joined my current company there was a sales woman who had all kinds of weird esoteric quirks.

Like, she was legitimately afraid the WiFi signal could fry her brain so she put up some sort of mandala or whatever that was supposed to filter all the bad frequencies. She never wondered why WiFi (or her smartphone for that matter) still worked the same way despite the mandala.

Or this one time she brought colored liquids and told everyone to put them on their hands and smell them. She said if you liked the "scent of the color" then that was your color.

I never found my color, I think it's because she didn't have black.

A app that will figure out what goes on in the mind of a woman

So im here with this lovely girl on my chest and all i can think of is why i got a Null Pointer exception and why in the fudge im lying here with this woman instead of fixing that.

Oh, maybe its because i spend 27 hours of the available 24 hours in a freakin day writing code whilst struggling to give her attention. She deserves this moment. She's my best Fragment...Friend, she's my best Friend.

Corporate joke

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

*She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below :-*
_"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."_

*Man below replied :-*
_"You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude."_

*Lady :-* _"You must be an engineer."_

*Man :-* _"How do you know?"_

*Lady :-* _"Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost."_

*Engineer :-* _"You must be in Top Management."_

*Lady :-* _"Ya. How do you know?"_

*Engineer :-* _"You don't know where you are or where you're going, you have no technical knowledge._
_You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!

Rant1
Company calls today. Offers me a job which is great i have been looking for 7 months.
Rant2
Today hurricane irma is coming its getting close gas stations are out of fuel. No water at stores. Chaos on the roads.
Rant3
Company asks me to come in Tommorow for interview. 😑

I have a new woman in my life. She has an amazing contoured body, smooth to touch and yeah she is wonderful on the inside. She is a pleasure to be around and is always there for me. She enables to DO amazing things and she empowers my personal aswell as my professional development. I THINK I'm falling in love no I DO love her.

She is my Lenovo ThinkStation P310 Intel Xeon 3.60GHz 32GB RAM 1.2TB SSD 6GB/s also known as Suzie.

Oops!

When you laugh at a devRant post and the non-tech 50 year-old woman next to you finds out your good with computers. And then she asks you to delete her porn history... Awkward

One of the people I supervise is “Mary,” a woman in her early 20s. Every time she gets critical feedback (even very mild and accompanied by praise), she turns bright red and starts crying … like, a lot. Tears streaming down her face. Other than that, though, she responds calmly and rationally. She carries a handkerchief and just mops up the tears and continues the conversation. One of the first times this happened, I asked if she was okay, and she said that it’s “just a physical response to stress” and confided that she’s getting cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to control it. Honestly, I think she’s handling the whole thing with a lot of professionalism and maturity.

I am her direct supervisor, but she also reports to two of my (male) colleagues, one of whom is a VP in my company. I recently overheard them talking about Mary, saying that her crying is uncomfortable, unprofessional, and “stupid.” Mary is a great employee, and I want to do whatever I can to protect her job and reputation within the company. Should I say something to my colleagues? Should I advise her to say something?

So, I applied for a job lately and the first interview via Zoom went pretty good. Then I got an invitation for a second interview at the company.

I got there, was guided into a conference room and the two head of departments along with an HR woman joined. After a bit if chit-chat HR rep said I should tell them in the next couple of days if I'm still interested. HR left, the other two gave me a tour of the complex, lasting about an hour.

then we got back to the conference room, waited for HR rep and when she arrived she told me something along the lines of "Yeah, we got an impression of you now and you don't need to contact us anymore if your are interested...."

me to myself: "wait what? that sucks...."

HR: "We are impressed enough of you that we want to hire you immediately. Here is the contract!"

me (completely speechless): "oh... OH... THANKS, but... OHHHH" (having a stupid perplexed grin on my face)

I mean... I got the job and pay is good, but PLEASE don't trick me like that!!! I nearly got a heart attack!!!

I was taking an introductory programming course. One assignment was to do a little payroll program, including some data validation. The program was supposed to accept terminal input and send output back to either the console or a printer.

Suddenly the printer began spewing out paper like crazy. One of the students (a particularly mouthy woman) had programmed a less-than-helpful error message ("YOU ARE WRONG") and then not provided any exit from the error-checking logic -- the program just re-read the last (failing) input and re-tested it. All in all, it was a very nice infinite loop.

After spitting through about fifty pages of "YOU ARE WRONG," somebody cut power to the printer, and the instructor had to flush the print queue manually. He went back to the student and asked if she had tested the program by sending the output to the console before trying to print it, and she said, yes, she had tested it on the console and ended up with a screen full of "YOU ARE WRONG" messages. Why, then, had she sent her output to the printer? "I thought I would be daring!"

I am DONE with this woman CONTINUED!

I didn't think I'd have to put another rant about this stupidity at least not this soon but she just keeps on giving!

I have my noise canceling headphones on most of the time and when I want to hear the people around, I just put the right earcup of it to the side of my ear so the music pauses. Today we had a huge disrupt on our services because of a network switch error on the hub. I was also trying to focus on my coding as I didn't wanna do a stupid mistake on the last working day and be sorry about it in the next week.

So this woman sneaks up on me from behind calling my name - meaning she has a question, surprise! -, I say 'yes' moving my head to her side ever so slightly without getting my eyes off of my screen stating subtly that I'm also listening to her while trying to focus on my shit. She starts yelling at me 'look at me!' out of nowhere! I turn my head and ask what the problem is and she asks why I'm not looking at her face! Stupid moron, I might not be too good in understanding your way of communication but you are the one asking so you WILL wait if you'd like to hear answers.

I say I'm working on something and her answer is again 'Why aren't you looking at my face it's going to be quick bla bla did we do this like that?' and I answered I didn't remember because there's no way I'd ever remember without looking further and it was no lie.

This woman clearly has stability issues and everyone else seem to be tolerating it. It's now obvious as I'm not tolerating the nonsense I'll be the one that 'she only has ever had a problem with'.

I was quick to de escalate the situation but now I'm thinking maybe I should've responded in a way that she could understand. I wouldn't ever give a shit about it but this is getting ridiculous.

Diversity Support Tickets EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE
Because if you happen to be born a woman or you like men (or women or both or none - its up to you) you'll get that €399 ticket for free. Seriously? From when white straight man can afford to pay for the conference but a different skin, gender or sexual orientation cannot?
No hate - you do you, but from my perspective as a woman, I feel this is kind of unfair to all my male fellas out there.

A woman can make 4 babies with 4 different fathers in 9 months, right?

Someone decided we need a "rubber band programmer" who bounces around from project to project as needed, and that gets to be me.

So I work on 4 projects, with 3 programming languages, 4 frameworks, and with users in 4 complicated industries, none of which I have experience with.

And my boss wonders why I'm not as productive as everyone who has worked on 1 project for 5 years.

Racism is still a thing in Germany...
At 11 am, I parked my car in to the right parking lane. It didn't cross any line. A woman in her 50s had the door to my side open and still didn't decide to close it, when I was parking.
Anyways, I got ready to get out of the car. All of the sudden, she knocked on my door. I did open the window.
[Short break: S=She and M=Me]
*Dialogue starts here*
S: How dare you park here?! Over there *points to the next parking slots next to her car* is enough place for your car.
M: I am allowed to park here. Plus, I am not crossing your lane. Aside from that, your door was open. Close the door first (before you fucking yell at me, you bitch - I didn't say this tho.).
S *completely ignores what I just said and focuses on my first phrase*: Of course, you are allowed to park here. But you are also allowed to go back to Turkey! *goes back to her car*
M *completely shocked and thinks about what I have been doing wrong and how Turkey is even related to this parking situation*: FUCK OFF!
*notes her license plate*
*finally gets out of the car. locks it. walks slowly in front of her car, when she just wants to drive away from the parking slot just to annoy the shit out of her with a big ass grin in my face waving at her*

Special Awards: In a previous life, I employed a South African gentleman by the name of Jack Howell. He had a thing about finding other South African ex-pats, and could often be heard asking people on the phone “Are you by any chance from South Africa?”.

Jack Howell would also do very stupid things. Like forget to come to work. When asked, he’d come up with random excuses - “It was my wife Gwyneth’s fault”, or “I was confused, I took wrong turnings”. Generally, he was a bit of a twat, and had a weird kind of smile he’d give you.

After he left the company, we came up with the idea of having an award for whoever acted the most like Jack Howell on a given day, or week. It was known as The Jack Howell Award. The award itself was whatever shitty thing we could find at the time - a construction made of folded paper and paper clips, or a weird 3 inch statue from a charity shop, or whatever really naff-beyond-belief item we could find at the time.

Where I work now, we have a shitty 12 inch statue of a woman with a dog that turned up in our office, courtesy of our Maintenance Manager. This is the new Jack Howell award. Currently awarded to a senior dev colleague who spent a day chasing a missing variable.

I'm in a few women in tech groups. A woman, who is a highly experienced developer, shared that she had a conversation with her male friend, who is a startup founder. He said that his criteria for recruitment are high levels of math and physics since high school and early interest in programming (e.g. age of 10). She said his criteria made her sad and excluded.

A fellow woman developer commented that it's reasonable to feel sad when you learn your good friend is an idiot. I snorted some Monster out of my nose reading this and I'm still coughing and chuckling.

To be honest, the founder's requirements do sound super ridiculous, and I imagine his startup is made up of clones of the same guy type, wearing different shades of gray t shirts and sandals with socks.

>> this === rant
<< true

At beginning of this year, I only knew HTML, JS, and CSS so I just applied for offers like "Jr Apprentice Dev in Front-End"
In a interview call, the woman told me that they will send me a test asking about my JS and HTML5 knowledge.
When I look in my inbox, the mail subject says "Back-end Test".

Then I call the woman:

Me: "Hello, I have received the test mail, but maybe it's wrong. I applied for a Front-End position and the test is about backend! "

She: "Do you have skills in JS and HTML5?"

Me: "Yes!, and CSS3"

She: "Well, the test is about that. JS, jQuery, and HTML5"

Me: "..."

Me: "Sorry, that languages are Front-End. In the subject say 'Back-End' and Back-End is PHP, SQL, MySQL, Java, .Net... I don't know nothing about that. I only know HTML, JS, CSS."

She: "It's the same"

Me: "I sorry but it's not the same. Fron-End is client-side, what users sees. Animation, colors, FXs, buttons, forms... And Back-End is server-side, what users doesn't see."

She: "Well, JS, HTML, and CSS is backend for us. We call it that way too"

Me: "Sorry but that is wrong. I invite you to read some basic info. Now I am confused"

Of course that I am not confused. That idi0t was wrong.
Perhaps recruiters should take some info about areas where they are recruiting... (:T)

Shit! I knew buzzwords were overused, but I just saw an ad and it is fucking jesused jambled bananas in the ass.

Starts with a woman looking out the window and there’s a tornado (seems ok for now)

The tornado approaches and IT IS MADE OF FUCKING NON MONOSPACED IN MY ASS FONTED 0s AND 1s. Bonus point: they are green !!

Switches to lines of GREEN code (kill my fucking brain with a pistol attached to your dick right now)
Probably JS or something similar in syntax.

And then: A FUCKING GUY LEANING OVER POINTING SOMETHING ON THE SCREEN! HIS NAMETAG:

Logan Paul
Blockchain

👏👏👏👏

And then some other buzzing asses armagedon en d of the fucking world bleeding edge vibrator buzzwords shenanigans.

Finishes with drones shot flying between businesses building with 3d floating words like

Blockchain!

Artificial Intelligence

Deep learning

Etc.

KILLLLLL MMMEEEE FU748-KFJV ING 3I6HT N0W $)&(&($8#;&(&8 jeiebc

More like woman-in-the-middle 😂

Management logic - It takes one woman nine months for a baby, so 9 women should do it in one month!

Okay, so I was helping an elderly woman with her laptop + internet today (with payment). Problem: Laptop connects to WiFi, shows internet connection, but you couldn't even go to google.com.

The router wasn't the issue as my phone worked on the same WiFi. After a lot of troubleshooting steps, I noticed that Windows forced IPV6 for all WiFi connections for some reason. The router doesn't even support IPV6... So I disabled it and everything started working again.

WHY THE FUCK DID WINDOWS NOT TRY TO LOOKUP A IPV4 ADDRESS IF THE IPV6 FAILS? BOTH WERE ENABLED! WHO AT THE FUCKING WINDOWS 10 DEVELOPMENT TEAM THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?

//socially acceptable objectification
//of women
public class Woman : Person
{
}

//I'll see myself out.

"Create an account now to watch these courses for free (don't worry, we hate spam as much as you do)"

Well that's a fucking lie. This woman named Christy is abusing MailChimp vigorously.

Fuck off marketing with your disingenuous "community update" mails, "what you missed last week" newsletters and "handpicked crap for you" notifications.

I want to use your platform, I even pay for it, but I don't want to get your useless mail until I found the energy to dig through your config panel looking for some half broken toggle button.

Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?

> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.

My school fucking blocked duckduckgo today.

I'm not surprised, I knew this would happen eventually because this school is a prison and the administrators feel that they have to know your every fucking move.

Honestly I thought it was pretty funny too because I don't know anybody else at school using ddg, which means they probably just saw this one kid getting around being tracked and said "that damn kid." (Imagine I'm waving my finger around condescendingly like an old woman.)

It also could just be that they saw me using an unfamiliar url more than normal and assumed it was malicious or some kind of distraction. But I'm willing to bet money they just didn't like that they couldn't track me.

FUCK YOU WINDOWS. HOW MANY FUCKING HOURS DO YOU NEED TO 'GET THINGS READY' ? IT'S BEEN 5 FUCKING HOURS ALREADY 😠 Even a woman doesn't take that long to get ready!

A little late, and similar to other lovely ladies on here, but the greatest influencer for me is my husband.

He's always pushed me to learn more and be a better, cleaner coder. He taught me continuous integration, introduced me to the Atom editor, and showed me that my nerdy interests and choice of career can actually be quite attractive and not "intimidating" or "inappropriate” for a woman.

He's my go-to hackathon partner, my strictest code reviewer, and my life long teacher.

Ich liebe dich, mein Schatzelein! 😍

So mum wanted me to purchase her a new lettop.
Yeah, we just spoke.
While consulting on what she needs, I noticed that little flaw. So I gently told her :"mum, it's written with an A".
Mom goes:" aaaah! A LAB-TOP!"

Could not blame her. She made her life as first best scoring woman in business degree at her time.
And sure enough she understood laptop and we laughed a lot ='D

For some reason my manager freaked out after her non developer husband told her that each of the web pages for our main service would take months to build. Shit man its just static content with some animations here and there. It is a total of 15 pages and this dude estimated that I (as in yours truly) would only be able to do 2 per month. Bato stfu. Stick to banking (hopefully your time estimates don't suck ass there) and let me woo your woman with my frontend godspeed.

So what did I do?

Simple, asked her to show me one of the design models she already created on photoshop. Saved that thing to my computer and coded it at home. In 2 hours (It was originally one but my dumbass gor tab trigger happy with rm rf autocomplete so I had to do it again...fking dumb) and showed it to her this morning.

Eat a dick dude. The woman is already going apeshit over all the other shit we have to do plus working on her masters and attentind 100+ pointless meetings a day whilst still being able to be the best fucking manager I've ever had. I really don't need her freaking the fuck out over your dumbfuck estimates. Why in the wholy fucking world she listened to your dumbass is beyond me, probably stress made her freak out.

Its cool b.....I got it under control.

Fucking chill woman damn.

**drops mic

Was talking to a woman who recently found her lost phone.
After talking about apps which track your phone I asked her if she had an iPhone or an Android.
Her response: "I've just got a Samsung eh"

Went on an interview and the woman literally counted out loud each minute that went by as I tried to write some code.

Inspired by the comment I posted on another rant.

My uni decided to be one of those progressive tech schools that start people with Python. Mind you, I had prepared myself with studying as much as I could with math and programming by automating things and similar stuff in our computer when I was at my previous job, so I had a better idea as to what i could expect.

Introduction to computer science and programming with Python or some shit like that was the name of the class, and the instructor was a fat short ugly woman with a horrible attitude AND a phd in math, not comp sci and barely any industrial knowledge of the field.

She gave us the "a lot of you will fail" speech, which to me is code for "I suck and have no clue what I am doing"

One assignment involved, as per the requirements the use of switch cases. Now, unless someo knew came about, Python does not have swio cases. Me and a couple of less newbie like students tried to point out that switch cases were non existent and that her switch case example was in Javascript, not python, curly braces and everything. She told us to make it work.

We thought that she meant using a function with a dictionary and we pass the key and shit, a simple way of emulating the switch case.

NOPE she took points and insisted that she meant the example. We continuously pointed out that her example was in JS and that at the time Python did not have switch cases. The nasty woman laughed out and said that she didn't expect anyone to finish the assignment with full points.

Out of 100 points everyone got a 70. No problem. Wrote a detailed letter to the dean. Dean replied and talked to her (copied her in the email because fuck you bitch) and my grade was pulled up to full mark.

Every other class I had with her she did not question me. Which was only another class on some other shit I can't remember.

Teachers are what make or break a degree program. What make or break the experience, going to college is putting too much faith on people. If you ask me, trade certification, rigorous training is the future of computer science, or any field really. Rather than spending 4+ years studying a whoooole lotta shit for someone to focus on one field and never leave it.

Finally D-Booted Ubuntu on my home computer.
Now I'm just waiting for the frantic texts from my wife during the work week telling me "I hate this new system, get it off our computer."
WOMAN!
You must learn CLI. It is the only way to inner peace.

I am DONE with this woman.

Background: we're a team of 3 developers and I'm the junior in this team and I've been in this shit for a year now. 2 months ago the team leader left for another project and I had to stand in for him in every responsibility against the PM and other teams.

Now I not only had to endure this insecure woman but I was also supposed to work with her! Fast-forward to today, the team leader is back and I thought I could put my headphones on and work peacefully at last.

But no!

I've found out she's sent a faulty code to production - no big deal - and said that over chat (although she's sitting right behind me):

Me: We need to fix this.
Her: What?

Me: *giving some details about the issue*
Her: Your attitude is important when you ask me to do something. Whenever you're writing to me you're typing on your keyboard like you're going to break it on my head.

*me not knowing what to say at this point because we had something stupid like this before*

Me: So you're offended by the sound my keyboard makes? (I have mx brown switches by the way and they're not even loud)
Her: No you're typing too fast when you're writing to me. The sound echoes in the office.
...

Can you fucking believe this shit? I hate people that think they can educate me but have no idea how to rationally respond to situations and take responsibility! I didn't even say anything!

And she's been saying to me she hadn't had a problem with any other people for gazillion years who knows how long and why would she cause a problem now! And thinks I am the problem, fuck YOU!

Since you don't like receiving orders why hadn't you taken the place when the fucking guy went for another project but I had to take all the responsibility? I know why you fucking entitled bitch.

Because you HAD NO IDEA AND YOU STILL DON'T.

So shut the fuck up and do as I say.

Kind regards

Not dev but worth ranting.

It’s important to know that I am a wheelchair driver.

It was Saturday evening and I was waiting for my friends.
All of the sudden a random woman approached me. Putted her hand on my shoulder and says:

In your next life you will be Running around!
Jesus holds his promises!

I was to confused to say anything... do you guys have a good idea on how to react?
I have to deal with similar stuff quiet often!

ITS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!

WHAT THE FUCK GIVES EVERYONE THE RIGHT TO TELL ME STUFF LIKE THAT WITHOUT KNOWING JACKSHIT ABOUT MY LIFE?

I don’t think I need nor deserve their pity!

Being a Woman in Tech® is exhausting because every time we know something a male superior doesn’t, we have to end our statements with “but maybe I’m wrong, what do you think?” so they feel like it’s their idea and take the topic seriously.

I used to be adamantly against this type of coddling but they beat it out of me. You can only be straightforward and confident a finite number of times before you’re pulled aside and told you’re “cocky,” “arrogant,” “irritating,” etc. So many of us use this strategy to avoid those labels, but it’s a tiring part of the job we shouldn’t have to think about.

Around 2 months ago, I worked at Subway. AMA (just joking. Don't do it.)

I worked there for a week (I could write a lot about the environment) and quit it because of how entitled, lazy, rude and crazy the boss was.

The boss was the usual crackhead woman straight from the dumpster.

She used the Subway Instagram and Facebook pages as her private personal pages.

She told us to follow the Instagram page, like everything and comment on every post.

I didn't do it. Instead I shared the page with my friends and we laughed our asses off.

End of story.

I need a woman that cooks, cleans and writes javascript so I dont have to deal with that shit.

Clients are SUCH FUCKFACES!
So me and 3 friends developed a website and logo for an hr company, run by this woman and she loved it
She was our client for GOMC. Now, since it was a "project" she assumed she didn't had to pay for the whole thing....fine I agreed to just getting maintenance, to maintain goodwill and getting some more clients maybe

One day she wakes up and wants half of the shit altered....NOW, after almost over a month..Fucking bitch
She now wants a fucking RAINBOW colored logo...And she added "it must look professional OK?"...The fuck? Now we have to change the cards, letterheads, UI (entirely). Basically everything and doesn't wanna pay for shit
FML

I love it when unethical companies' marketing chaps assume that I care about their SMS garbage more than I get pissed off by it. Damart, I didn't even know about your existence or what the hell you do as a business (selling woman clothes apparently.. am I a woman?!) until you shoved your ad crap into my face, and Unigro I really don't have a pending contract with you so kindly fuck off with your reminders (that are in French but am I a Walloon? No!).

Makes me wonder though, with email I usually just give everyone a different email address to deflect spam - since I can reroute email to any particular address straight to /dev/null on the server if so desired. With SMS and SIM cards that isn't really possible.. hence why I'm always so hesitant about sharing my phone number. In email the addresses are scraped off the internet.. but phone numbers? How do such shitcompanies even obtain those?! Their level of pushiness and unethical behavior boggles my mind.

!rant !dev
True story. Some years ago I worked, for a network manufacturer in the support department. One of me jobs was to help end-customer (private people) over the phone, who could not get online.

One day a 60+ year old woman called the support line, because se could not get on the Internet. And because our name was on the router, she called our support.

A colleague of mine took the call, and we could quickly see by his expression the it was "One of those calls". The minutes went by and they had gotten no closer to a solution after 45 min.

That was when I herd my colleague say "Well from what you tell, all the settings here are fine. Can you please close all the windows, so we can look at other settings". My colleague the looked weird and said, "She just told me it takes some minutes to close all the windows, so please hang on.".

After 2 min time the woman came back to the phone and said "I have now closed all the windows in the house, except one ceiling window that only my husband can reach. Hope it doesn't matter".

Im gunna get a lot of flak for this but just hear me out:

People keep asking me what it's like working in a male dominated industry. They have conferences for women in tech empowerment and I get forced to go to them because I'm the only female in the office.

The thing is. I don't feel oppressed. I get that we "need" more women in tech but from my experience and from talking to various women at my old university, the reason women are avoiding the tech industry isn't because it's male dominated and they feel out of place. It's because a) it doesn't interest them or b) they never thought of it as an option (like myself).

Computer programming should be in grade schools and highschool's just like math and science to help educated not only women but people in general that it's an option. That's what's going to help more women get in the tech industry. Not these bullshit conferences and women's rights in tech movements, and hiring women over men (even if she's worse than him in skill level) just because she's a woman.

Frankly I think it's downright shameful that companies that are male dominated feel the need to hire women over men just because of gender. If I'm applying somewhere and there's a better male candidate, hire him! I'd much rather your company have a good team then a "balanced" team. Great tech teams are what will bring along new and better technologies, not balanced ones.

Keep in mind I'm talking about Western Civilization here, I get that a lot of countries are still struggling with the balance of women's rights at all but this is Canada.

I also get that there are probably some women who want to join tech but won't because it's too male dominated but frankly that's a shit poor excuse. If you really wanted to join tech then being surrounded by make co-workers wouldn't deter you from living your life the way you want to. If you feel so uncomfortable around men that you won't go into an industry you love because it's male dominated then I'm sorry for you and you should probably see a councillor to get that worked out.

I feel more oppressed by having to put aside my programming and being forced to go to these conferences than I do in the every day workplace. My boss is literally more offended that I don't feel offended about being a woman "minority". He spent a week pestering me about how I would feel about this, that and the other thing if it happened to me.

I'm not saying nobody ever says anything even remotely sexist to me but frankly I could give two shits- I'm here. I'm coding. I'm good at what I do and I'm comfortable enough with myself that I can just blow off the comment (which probably wasn't even meant to offend me) and continue working. But you're going to get that wherever you go, this isn't a flaw of the tech industry. This is a flaw of the world and it goes both ways (men get flak too).

IMHO: all the hate on Katie bouman is absolutely stupid. if you want to blame someone, blame the media for portraying her as the sole person on the project. She never once took credit only for herself and always mentions that it's a team effort. And what the fuck is so wrong that the focus is on the woman engineer anyways? If this was a man, no one would give a shit that he "didn't give credit to his team"

"I don't see women as objects, each woman is in a class of their own! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

- People who have no fucking clue how OOP works

Objects are instantiations of classes, you poor, retarded bastards. You saw those two words while skimming your 1st year college textbook, made this joke, promptly changed to some useless English degree because you cried after your "hello world" program didn't run, and never looked back to see the damage you had done.

I know the joke is the word play but word play word play puns are retarded anyways. Everything about this pun is awful.

A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.

After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.

Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?

The man hesitated for a second looking confused.

Man: But I thought we were in the same class

Controversial tech rant begins here:

You know, I'm sure a lot of you guys know that it is pretty uncommon to encounter a woman who is who is into tech (and ranting about said tech). This has always made people question why. I personally feel like that is the case because those that do like tech, and those that don't just find a different interest. I thought that would suffice, but now Google and Microsoft are advertising their diversity programs. I was fine with all that until I was personally affected by it. I intended to apply for scholarships from Microsoft. They turned me away because according to them, they began giving them only to people who were "marginalized". That and their commercials trying to pressure young girls to join the STEM field. Again nothing wrong with women in the tech field, but now that this is turning into favoritism I have to fight harder battles to compete in the tech industry. Not only that, but now I read a study about their employment. Despite the number of people they turned away and the money they spent on these programs, thr companies STILL haven't become any more diverse, and from what it seems, their reaction lately has been to double-down and try harder. I just want an open, honest, and fair tech community. Has anyone else felt the affects of this situation?

Just doing pet sitting for the amazing girl that featured in one of my last rants, and she left a bag of weed in an envelope for me. I love that woman.

The number of people who responded to this with bile such as “yeah but how well” or “i bet she can only write hello world”.
Its sad that this attitude still exists in our industry. If you havent seen the story she responded by clarifying that she is on the iOS tutorial team for Raywenderlich, and has a bachelors degree with a double major in Computer Science. But she shouldnt have to explain that just because shes a woman. Are people that insecure about their knowledge that they need to resort to demeaning other peoples? for shame.

Boss reasoning: 9 woman can deliver a baby in one month.

My response: 9 man cum in your mother pussy and she delivered you in one month too.

welp, I said that just in my mind of course 🤐

Yay! I just got a FB friend request from a really beautiful woman! We have no friends in common, and when I looked at her profile, she didn't have any friends, and she likes robotics. I can be her first friend!

Or not.

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost.

Engineer: You must be in Top Management.

Lady: Ya. How do you know?

Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you're going, you have no technical knowledge.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

A 40 ish woman who works with economics said "you don' know anything about AI because you're only 16". I then proceeded to show her my shitty AI me and my friend made and explained how it worked. (It was really shit but would still consider it an AI)

She just stood there and was pretending to understand so when I was done explaining about it, I told her not to assume you're smarter than a 16 year old just because you're older and have read some article about AI on The Daily Mail.

I am a woman with multiple years of experience in the coding industry , while in most of my jobs I have been the only woman in the team and I do agree there is a need for more women in the coding industry , however I really do believe workshops like shecodes are an absolute scam , the inclusiveness to bridge the gender divide in tech needs to start from the employers , all resources to learn to code are completely gender neutral and unbiased. I also find it quite hypocritical that shecodes was founded by a man and is taught by a man . Can anyone please shine some different opinions about this or does anyone else believe a similar thing ?

So i have been helping people on the Steam forums for a game in Beta and today i got someone having a go at me for it.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, I WILL BE GETTING DEATH THREATS FOR HELPING AN ELDERLY WOMAN NEXT!!!

I was watching "hacker reviews hacking scenes from movies", and god forbid they brought a woman to do the analysis. A lot of butt hurt boys in the comments, that women left the kitchen and got into programming.
This aside, the combination of ignorance and arrogance was just wow. I mean, if you want to be a dick, at least back it up with skills.
Don't make claims about how "GUI is the single most important piece of any software". *laughing in embedded programming*

IT Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months

McDonalds uses Windows. The woman at the cash desk complained about something not working and the cash system using Windows. xD

A woman has bugs in her home, she wants to find a bug hunter to get rid of them. She calls a man who does bug hunting, he comes to her house and says: "I am a bug hunter, you called me. Where's your laptop?"
Woman confused as she is asks the man: "Why do you need a laptop to hunt and get rid of the bugs?"

"Well how else am I going to debug those bloody programs you wrote?"

Note: I promise I made this up, if anyone else already posted this, I wasn't aware.

If the recruiter starts her/his message with "Dear Mr. Doe", when I'm clearly a woman (got a profile picture and a unmistakeable female name) ...

Why is it sooo hard to check at least the first line of your c&p message??

The most unproductive meeting was definitely a day long meeting about “inclusiveness” with an emphasis on toxic masculinity. It was all the dev teams for a whole day which was ballpark 40-60 devs total. Most of us were like, “We have never even had a woman on our teams to alienate.” Eventually a dev hiring manager allowed the three female devs to leave half way through because they were being repeatedly singled out by the HR lady running the meeting.

The rest of us sat through another half day of the HR lady telling us on how bad we are because we are men.

I'm very dependent on my sense of smell. I always smell whatever I eat or drink. Because of some stuff about my brain that my doctor told me and I forgot, this sense is very precise.

It's so precise in fact that in a closed room I can tell whether a woman is on her period or not. But we're blessed and we're also cursed – put any kind of paint, nail polish, rotten food, so-called "car perfume" near me and I have a headache until I get a full night of sleep.

Coronavirus however fucked up that feeling. When it initially disappeared I was panicking because I felt like a cat with his whiskers cut off. Now it's back and it's strong as usual, but it's different.

Now I can't eat chicken. No matter if it's fresh or not, if I smell chicken my brain just fucking nopes out and tries to vomit.

Corona sucks. Stay safe.

My head hurts so much right now...

So there's a beautiful hilarious woman next door and we're getting really close (friend close), but she's 26 and she's just messing with my head so much, wtf is going off???

Not exactly a dev story, but an annoying experience overall. So, I was going to a Starbucks near me, I was too lazy to drive to the nearest shop that sells coffee, so I just went here. I was beginning my work (updating one of my old programs to a usable level). I was downloading some libraries from github for the project, as a middle-aged woman walks behind me. She looks at my laptop, and sees a terminal screen with git clone running. Now, I can understand, that if you aren't proficient at technology, a terminal can look suspicious. But she straight up said: "Stop hacking our passwords, it's illegal!". At this point, she walks over and asks the manager to come look. The manager comes, and calls their "IT guy". The supposed IT guy comes over, chuckles a bit and walks away. The manager proceeds to kick me out, and give me a warning to not come again.

When you get a dinner for 2 gift for all the hard work you put in the last week and realize you don't have any woman to go with because of it

Rejected by a woman I liked very much. 🙂

When you get stuck on a problem and you just stare at your code until you don't see any code.

You only see the woman in the red dress....

Today I saw, and heard, two attractive young women show a lot of annoyance over a dude revving his car's engine as he drove past them in an obvious effort to somehow impress them.

I have not once in my 32 years of age met a single regular woman (read as in, not a woman who is a car enthusiast, and even then they are annoyed) that has been impressed over a dude driving a car as if he were in a race track. Not once.

So I seriously wonder, what is the point? annoying people? I am a very standard dude, I like cars, but that shit fucking irritates me and I seriously do not get the point.

So yeah...

if (!isset($woman))
{
$cry = false;
}

Imposter syndrome creeping in?

Remember this woman.

Fake it until you make it or get indicted.

So I work for a company that has a recommendation system. If the person you recommend gets hired and works for more than 3 months you get a bonus.
$500 if you recommend a man
$700 if you recommend a woman

Isn’t this discrimination?

I know they are trying to incentivize women to get into tech but this is just ilegal and quite frankly not the best way to get results.

!dev rant, but dev company rant (if that makes sense)

<sarcasm>
I love my company's HR, she is such a wonderful and caring woman.
</sarcasm>

<rant>
'Breng' (a public transit company in the Netherlands) was on strike today, so I couldn't go to work. No problem I thought, I'll just work from home. So I send a screenshot to the HR where you could see that every train was canceled.

A few moments later I get a message back saying that I should wait for the next train (although you could see on the screenshot that said train was also canceled)

Now I finally have a train to go to work... After sitting an hour in the cold... And I already see the smile on her face when I arrive at work...
</rant>

<prayer>
Please trains keep driving so I can go home tonight...
</prayer>

So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....

Well I WAS going to develop a side project on my day off today (a network of Arduinos and a Raspberry Pi) but the woman my wife hired to clean our house flaked-out, so now I get roped in to fucking housecleaning.
This was going to be an awesome day. Was gonna work on my project, chew some tobacco, and then go shooting, and out for wings for dinner. (where I live, chicken wings can be an entire meal)
Now I'm cleaning the shitter and scrubbing countertops because the little precious snowflake of a cleaning lady is in the middle of a (so-far) 3-day emotional breakdown.
Dear snowflake cleaning lady: Fucking learn IPv4 socket programming on the fly, when you've got an imminent deadline, and a crying, teething baby in the next room, at 3am, and don't fucking lose your cool at any point during all of this, then tell me about your fucking "emotional breakdown."

i went to my college bakery and i bought a sandwich (costs 140) and ultra energy drink (costs 90) in my currency

i extend my hand with money and the woman takes a calculator and types with one finger 1 4 0 + 9 0 = and says "230"

Never ask:
- 👩 A woman — her age
- 👨 A man — his salary
- 🏥 German pharmaceutical companies — how do they know about effects on pregnant women

when your PM sets a meeting for 7pm, postpones until 10pm and says: "no worries, we can do this another day"

u took my FRIDAY, WOMAN!

There’s so much we can learn from Gordon Ramsay..
I wish I could swear & insult like he can..

Woman: “who do you think you are? You insulted my friend!”
Gordon: “well if I did then I probably meant it, now get your fat ass back to your table”

“Congratulations, you just got your head out of your own ass. Now piss off”

*Customer wants more spinach*
Gordon: “ ok I’ll make you more spinach *dramatic pause* and push it up your ass”

Or my all time favorite:
“You fucking donkey”

So, I've come to hate Sundays. You might ask me, why? Why Sunday of all days? The answer is very simple: My wont-shut-her-fucking-mouth roommate.

Woman should be a commentator at sport events. She woke up at 10 in the morning and has been talking to what seems like the entire fucking population of this goddamn world, it's going to be 10 in the night soon. I feel like I am staying as a leech so I have no say in this goddamn room.

Please someone help me design a fucking signal jammer so I can block out the signals to shut her up!

Kill me now!
FML

I thought living alone without my family will help me to be more productive but no! When I got out of the office and start walking towards my home, I feel like there is no one waiting for me. What am I doing? When I reach, I feel empty, all alone, by myself. Maybe, it's time to marry someone, maybe a girlfriend? But I don't have any courage to start a conversation with a woman. I just expect someone will talk to me out of interest. But none! Is marrying someone the only solution? having a family is the ultimate peace? IDK

Me :: How do you know the difference between snowman and snow woman?

My Friend :: I don't know.

Me :: The difference is snowballs.

When I became a dev my parents said: "it's not rocket science, or chemistry or anything good, but at least it's not stressful, or dangerous and we can get free tech support. I hope you are able to pay your own bills and find rent"

A few years, a degree and finding a supportive woman who is now my wife and and I make 4 time as much as my parents make now they want me to move back so they can get their tech support and see my wife I guess she is more social than I am

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

*face palm*

My boss just IM'd me. She asked me the status of a work item. I told her my teammate completed it on 2/27. She wanted to know if it was in production. I said I was unsure, she would have to ask my teammate. So of course, she asked *me* to ask my teammate, and then get back to her.....WHY do I need to ask my coworkers stuff for her? She is the BOSS, last time I checked?

A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.

"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"

The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"

Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.

He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.

The OneNote saga continues.

The Project Manager woman is back from holiday and lo and behold I get a DM telling me to update my notes. I have done so already, but OneNote didn't sync it. I open it again only to see half of what I pasted in is gone, so is the checkmark for my name.

She tells me I am the only person experiencing this. I feel like I am being gaslit. I ask a coworker if they also have sync issues with OneNote, and yes they do. I am being gaslit.

She made me submit an IT support ticket for this shit and now I am sitting here waiting for the technician to finish and leave the remote session so I can do my fucking work. This is so pointless, there's nothing to fix for IT support, it's a shit piece of Windows software.

Bible verses.

Sorted from "wtf" to progressively more disturbing.

---
1️⃣ One of many contradictions
---

John 4:12
"No one has seen the face of God."

Genesis 32:31
"I have seen the face of God..."

---
2️⃣ All-Knowing God, regrets creating you
---

Genesis 6:6
"And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart."

---
3️⃣ Says to kill all gay people
---

Leviticus 20:13
"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, they have committed an abomination; the two of them shall be put to death; their bloodguilt is upon them."

---
4️⃣ Approval of sex trafficking
---

Exodus 21:7
"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed."

---
5️⃣ Says its ok to own slaves
---

Exodus 21:20-21
"Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property."

---
6️⃣ Says its ok to kill children
---

Psalms 137:9
"Blessed the one who seizes your children and smashes them against the rock: the children represent the future generations, and so must be destroyed if the enemy is truly to be eradicated."

---
7️⃣ Says a raped woman must marry her rapist
---

Deuteronomy 22:28–29
"If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days."

---
8️⃣ Says incest is ok
---

Genesis 19:32-36
"Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father. That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father."

There was this woman who would write code on the board at lightspeed which the students were supposed to copy to notebook and then type in TurboC then run it before the class end. I had to do this for a semester and my brain crashes every time i am reminded of that. And no one in the class was interested or cared enough to complain. She was a nice woman but a terrible instructor.

Oh, and there was a guy who taught a theory class and all he did was read some notes which we were supposed to write down and memorize for exams. He scored the paper based on how close the answers were compared to his notes.

Now i got a headache and have to take the day off. thanks and bye

a co-worker was approached a conference by a guy asking what she was doing there. I don't think he was expecting the answer "I'm speaking at this conference". I can't imagine being a woman in tech

A woman sends her programmer husband to the supermarket.

"Bring a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, bring 12".

He returned with 12 cartons of milk.

My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?

I'm glad that, now that I'm not the only woman in my team, I'm not the only one who thinks Some Guy is an asshat

What the fuck is clients' problem? This woman comes to me after one of the last bids I saved and spent on her stupid task! She asked me to come on skype and I said I didn't have the ID and maybe we can go ahead with a phone call or whatsapp call or even Google hangout! She stopped responding to my messages when I had sent her 3 options! It's not like I was willing to back out but hey, I DON'T FUCKING USE SKYPE ANYMORE! What a waste of my precious last but one bid!

I was on the train and a woman came aboard. The only available seat was next to me. She takes this huge laptop out of her bag. While I observed this, I thought: she's going to code. She logged in and.. GitLab! She was writing R code.

I can't share details of ongoing research projects (NDA-esque) which is frustrating because I do want to rant about them.

Let's it just be said I'm frustrated with ROS and packaged built on top of it about five times a week.

On login page : woman with VR set on her head
After login : desktop app on Windows 98

The first computer programmer was a female, named Ada Lovelace.

Writing some software for a school while sitting in their support-department.
A teacher comes in and asks if we can find the email adress or facebook of a woman he met on vacation because he wants to send her something.
Someone asks: 'what do you want to send her?'
A two second long silence followed...
Everyone starts laughing.
Teachers... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At our workplace we clean our offices ourselves, and I don't have a problem with that. My boss asked me to clean the very dusty server room because I'm the only girl in the IT department. I feel somewhat discriminated as a woman in tech. Would it be wrong for me to refuse.

Go hunting in Program Files much? Me neither. So why does the old woman who can barely use email insist I show her where the Excel 2016 application files are installed? Of course I have to click through the folders slowly over Remote Desktop, not because of connection speed but so she can WRITE THEM DOWN IN HER NOTEBOOK!!!

So a problem end client of mine made my life hell for 3 months.

She hired a design agency to design her a bespoke site, she signs off on it and then once I've made it she decides that it's just a draft.

She then spend the next 3 months emailing me multiple times a day, calling the office and calling my personal phone. I'm still not sure how she got my number.

after 3 months on a two week project, many conference calls and changing every single template so that the site is unrecognisable it is finally live.

This woman literally went around her whole office, building and street asking them what they thought should be changed.

Not only that but half way through she suddenly told me she wanted it live in 2 days with a list of changes as long as my arm. I managed it and she wanted more changes anyway so it didnt go live...

The moral of the story is, never go the extra mile for a client more than twice, make sure you charge them for your extra time, try not think about how someone so retarded is the head of marketing at a huge company and that a true rant has no structure.

PS she also complained to me often that the changes had not been made less than 24 hours after requesting them, showed a half built site to her board of directors and then moaned at me that it didn't look right.

I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.

I think JavaScript is like a woman...
- it thinks many many things at the same time and you never know the order in which those thoughts are appearing.
- it has moods, sometimes it just won't do something you expect just because
- you are never going to be 100% certain of what a response is going to be given a particular input

This is high speed fiber optics internet everyone, the woman I called told me that the connection was pretty good, wtf kill me

I just saw a woman downloading a program only to refuse the terms and conditions given then she's asking for help😕

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman go into business together, they would call it Amazon Web Services

Our company hired a "Human resource consulting" to help with our internal processes and policies. Yesterday they showed us an Excel that we should fill when we travel to attend meetings, events, courses, etc.

This spreadsheet... OH, THIS SPREADSHEET... you should've seen that.

Most of the "labels" of the "fields" were writen with terms that we do not use in our daily basis. The fields were ambiguous. You shout put a number on the Transportation quantity (ex.: 5) but have no space to describe which transport you will use (bus, metro, uber... so... 5 what?). When we asked which name shoud go on the field "superior" (director, pm, scrum master...) the woman from this consulting said "oh, I don't believe you're asking about this" (and since then, she became more rude by the end of the meeting).

We care for quality in our apps, and UI/UX is a big thing in our company. The last thing we want is need to read a f*#1n manual to fill a spreadsheet. Make it intuitive and you will not need an hour and a half to explain how to fill this obsolete form.

It's sad to think that this person was hired to improve our company, but did not bother to understand the company's culture (and values, and terms) first.

Imagine seeing words like developer:ess, member:esses or user:ess in artices on the web becoming more and more popular.

Pretty dumb, yes?

That’s what happening right now with the German language with something called gender-language.
It hurts my eyes reading Entwickler:innen, Mitglieder:innen and Benutzer:innen.

People argue that words like Entwickler are excluding woman by using the male form by default. But it’s just a matter of perspective. Why not just define this as the neutral form just like in english? Developer is neither male nor female. Everybody is fine with that.
Yet the Germans are messing around with this gender shit and making text unreadable for no reason at all.
It’s just bullshit!

I would really like to know why Google decided that it will only show me video ads for one specific brand of cereals and freaking feminine hygiene products. I have a freaking google home and a chromecast, there is more than enough info for them to know that I am NOT a woman. I never searched for feminine higiene products nor talked about them. Like wtf Google.

I am a college student that's pursuing a degree in Computer Science. Once one of my classmates said that she had a 3 GB pen drive. I was curious as I'd never heard of any company making pen drives in that capacity. I asked her to show it to me, she showed it to me and pointed out the words "USB 3.0".

The same woman once copied the icon of Turbo C++ for an assignment submission.

A few years ago I was at the taco bus (Taco Tepito) to get some food. There was a couple there (man and woman). The woman was speaking fluent Spanish to order their food. It kind of seemed like she was showing off her skill to the man. Seemed like a date situation.

While we are waiting a cat ran out from under the bus. To this I said: "One got away." The man started laughing at this comment. The woman looked visibly angry. I am not sure if she was more mad at me for making the comment, or mad at her date for laughing about the comment. Sorry dude. Hopefully she could look past that.

Actual picture of the bus, plus a cat I added:

Today's episode of Bluey is called: "I am not ready to go back to work after a week long mandatory vacation in which I will go back into a space that has made my passion into a shitless grabs for money"

Seriously, If I hear "the president of the institution does not like <X>" I will blow my brains out.

What is worse, every "leAderShiP" meeting I ask if shit is actually a policy towards were my department head says "no, but the boss does not like <X>" <--- then fucking make it a policy.

Seriously, I have a wife, I have but one woman to keep happy, I ain't about to break my back on dumb shit that some lady dislikes when I already have to keep 1 woman happy.

Going to work is a paycheck to me, but fuck man, I am seriously leaving. Good luck trying to find fkers this part of town that can patch my software be it that I wrote it in the most esoteric shit known to mankind on these modern days.

Might start listening to recruiters, I get about 50 offers a day.

I always wonder why the IT guys seem to be short tempered when dealing with dev related issues.
Now I understand...

For a few days I have to help my colleague setting up his new project and dear Lord...
I thought I have enough patience because I am a woman...

This guy is very very junior, I couldn't get any input/ideas from him when debugging
Dear god, help us because I am the only one with enough experience in this project.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

i hate this fucking life so much why do i have to fucking exist WHAT IS THE FUCIJG POINT OF DOING SOMETHING YOU HATE WITH PASSION DOIMG AND NOT DOING WHAT U WANT TO BE DOING I DO NOT UNDERSTA D THIS LIFE

THIS existence/life is the Biggest BITCH i have ever fucking met FUCK YOU

CANNOT BE SUCCESSFUL DOING SOMETHING YOU HATE.

there was a philosopher who said "this life is pain and the only purpose of living is to reduce this pain as much as possible in order to be more happy" WHAT THE FCUK THAT IS MORE DEPRESSING THAN HAVING A FKIG CANCER

WHY DONT I JUST GET SOME INCURABLE DISEASE INSTEAD OF LIVING? OR GET HIT BY A CAR?

WhAT

I AM SO FUCKING NOT IN THE MOOD FOR ANYTHING

WHAT

as i was writing this rant by coming back from ffffffftffffffffffFFFfFFFfFFFFCKING college i went into a bus and there was a woman in front of me with an english text on the back of her shirt saying "she believed she could so she did. she designed a life she loved." WHAT

YO WHAT

THIS WAS PUT IN FRONT OF MY FACE AT RANDOM SPONTANEOUSLY

DID GOD JUST GIVE ME A FKIG SIGN OR SOMETHING?? "MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW BUT I CAN TURN IT INTO THE LIFE I LOVE" IS THAT WHAT A HIGHER SPIRITUAL BEING IS TRYING TO TELL ME RIGHT NOW???

WHAT IS THIS

HOW DO I FEEL RIGJT NOW

I DONT GET IT

MHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

I wonder
Why programmers are containing tons of guy while the first programmer in the world is a woman 😂

P.s : don't take it too seriously

My second monitor is about to die...
10 years on service for a plasma monitor.
This monitor is the last surviving piece of two of the most important moments of my life. I was dating the woman of my life which I let go away and was int he Army...
Past is past, still...

When they say don't treat woman as an object.