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Sit down before you read this.
So I interviewed a guy for a "Support Engineer" internship position.
Me and the team lead sit down and are waiting for him to enter, but apparently he's actually making a coffee in the kitchen.
This isn't exactly a strike since the receptionist told him that he can go get a drink, and we did too. It's just always expected for him to get a glass of water, not waste 3 minutes brewing a coffee.
In any case he comes in, puts the coffee on the table, then his phone, then his wallet, then his keys and then sits on our side of the table.
I ask him to sit in front of us so we can see him. He takes a minute to pack and tranfer himself to the other side of the table. He again places all of the objects on the table.
We begin, team lead tells him about the company. Then I ask him whether he got any questions regarding the job, the team or the company . For the next 15 minutes he bombards us with mostly irrelevant and sometimes inappropriate questions, like:
0: Can I choose my own nickname when getting an email address?
1: Does the entire department get same salaries?
2: Are there yoga classes on Sundays only or every morning?
3: Will I get a car?
4: Does the firm support workspace equality? How many chicks are in the team?
5: I want the newest grey Mac.
And then.. Then the questions turn into demands:
6: I need a high salary (asks for 2.5 more than the job pays. Which is still a lot).
I ask him why would he get that at his first job in the industry (remind you, this is an internship and we are a relatively high paying company).
He says he's getting paid more at his current job.
His CV lists no current job and only indicates that he just finished studying.
He says that he's working at his parent's business...
Next he says that he is very talented and has to be promoted very quickly and that we need to teach him a lot and finance his courses.
At this point me and the team lead were barely holding our laughs.
The team lead asks him about his English (English is not our native language).
He replies "It's good, trust me".
Team lead invites him for an English conversation. Team lead acts like a customer with a broken internet and the guy is there to troubleshoot. (btw that's not job related, just a simple scenario)
TL: "Hello, my name is Andrew, I'm calli..."
Guy: *interrupts* "Yes, yes, hi! Hi! What do you want?"
TL: "Well, if you let me fi..."
Guy: "Ok! Talk!"
TL: "...inish... My internet is not working."
Guy: "Ok, *mimics tuning a V engine or cooking a soup* I fixed! *points at TL* now you say 'yes you fixed'".
Important to note that his English was horrible. Disregarding the accent he just genuinely does not know the language well.
Then he continiues with "See? Good English. Told you no need to check!".
After about half a minute of choking on out silent laughter I ask him how much Python experience he has (job lists a requirement of at least 1 year).
He replies "I'm very good at object oriented functional programming".
I ask again "But what is your experience? Did you ever take any courses? Do you have a git repository to show? Any side.."
*he interrupts again* "I only use Matlab!".
Team lead stands up and proceeds to shake his hand while saying "we will get back to you".
At last the guy says with a stupid smile on his face "You better hire me! Call me back tomorrow." Leaves TL hanging and walks away after packing his stuff into the pockets.
I was so shocked that I wasn't even angry.
We both laughed for the rest of the day though. It was probably the weirdest interview I took part at.35 -
Manager: Why haven’t you shipped any code today? It’s almost lunch.
Dev: Stuck on a bug
Manager: I’ll help you
Dev: Please don—
Manager: Have you tried thinking outside the box?
Dev: …Dear god please end my existence
Manager: You could try stack overflow too, have you ever used that site before?
Dev: 😮 🔫
Manager: Also sometimes bugs are caused by npm modules so rule that out first
Dev: *On knees praying to Zues for forgiveness and/or conveiniently placed lightning strike*12 -
I have this one friend who thinks he is a tech guru just because he plays video games a lot and started to study cs for one year. Now he got a job as sysadmin and it is funny to hear him brag about the job in front of non-tech people because he sounds like a CSI Cyber episode, just throwing tech words at the people and I know that he talks bullshit.
But I have to admit, he knows how to sell himself. Probably that's how he got the job in the first place because it cannot be his experience.
Yesterday he called me, to help him edit something on a linux server. I told him "To edit the file type 'vi FILENAME' and then you can edit. I have to go now, I have a meeting." :]22 -
Watch 3 videos about iOS/Swift on YouTube, and now I'm getting a frontpage full of recordings of app development events and iPhone reviews.
Listen to one kpop track on Spotify out of curiosity, and now the recommendation playlist is polluted with music I really don't like.
If we are going to hand our balls to AI and expect it to be a glorious fondling fest, don't cry if it suddenly realizes "nuts? aren't those supposed to be cracked?".
I mean what's fucking next? Where will this "smart" shit end up?
I accidentally click on a my little pony meme, and amazon will drone-strike me with 500 gallons of glitter? I drunkenly mumble "OK google how do kangaroos fuck" in the back of a self-driving Uber, I'm going to be dropped off in a shady alley and raped by a dozen walibis?
STOP FUCKING TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME, INTERNET. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING USE YOU, NOT BE USED BY YOU, THIS WASN'T THE DEAL.
If you truly understood me, internet, I would probably not even give a fuck about privacy. But you are all building these profiles wrong.
You don't understand that I might be interested in juggling tricks today, tomorrow it might be all about crocheting a wool sweater for my penis, and the day after that I'm curious how many corpses it would take to fill up an olympic swimming pool.
NO I'M NOT ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN THAT QUORA, STOP SENDING ME RECOMMENDATION EMAILS ON HIDING MURDER VICTIMS, MY BOSS WILL THINK I'M WEIRD.
Yeah of course I could pulls some plugs, anonymize the shit out of my online life. I respect those who manage to just say "Fuck you Google, I'm sick of your shit, I'm going cold turkey".
But these platforms are feeding us heroin-laced candy.
All your coworkers friends and family with their oled-lit zombiefaces, staring at tiny screens, all absent-mindedly grasping your ankles whispering "aww take one more hit with us, check out this funny youtube clip, let me send it to you on whatsapp.... what you don't have whatsapp? You deleted your facebook? don't you love grandma anymore? Why do you hate your family?"
Before you know it, you watched ten episodes about cultivating cactuses, have a year subscription to brilliant, skillshare, squarespace and 3 different organic foodboxes are delivered to your door, Netflix is spamming you about a cupcake baking show, and you're thinking about same-day delivery for a baseball bat so you can just beat the crap out of every pretty glass display you see.
I want to break up with you, Internet.
I love you, but I hate you.
Since you passed 2.0, you have grown into a manipulative bitch.
I just don't know if I'm strong enough. It's all "let's just be friends" with you, but I know you'll be trying to reel me back in.
Before I know it, you're feeding me cookies once again, and I'll end up balls deep with your trackers stuck to my dick.21 -
If programmers went on a permanent strike civilized world would be back to 18th century within a month. We need a union.14
-
Apparently, because I know how computer works and how to program
I also had to know how to:
- become rich
- hack into banks
- solve all world problems
- make a better windows/facebook/apple/google
- repair a burned down PC
Sometimes I think they are scared that I'm able to zap them with a lightning strike as if would be a motherfucking wizard.
Still love my family though ;)
3 -
Warning: contains swearwords!
Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...
??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!
HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!
HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!
AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!
FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!
AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!16 -
I am fucked.... 😫😫😫My new custom build pc is not starting up after lighting strike 😭😭 ... I had unplugged all the plugs from the socket but i forgot to unplug the wifi from the broadband cable.... So when lighting hit my building the current came through broadband cable and burned my wifi then through there it got to my pc... My motherboard, gtx1070 graphic card, ram everything is gone.... Except my hard drive and psu...
17 -
Years ago, when i was a teenager (13,14 or smth) and internet at home was a very uncommon thing, there was that places where ppl can play lan games, have a beer (or coke) and have fun (spacenet internet cafe). It was like 1€ per hour to get a pc. Os was win98, if you just cancel the boot progress (reset button) to get an error boot menu, and then into the dos mode "edit c:/windows/win.ini" and remove theyr client startup setting from there, than u could use the pc for free. How much hours we spend there...
The more fun thing where the open network config, without the client running i could access all computers c drives (they was just shared i think so admin have it easy) was fun to locate the counter strike 1.6 control settings of other players. And bind the w key to "kill"... Round begins and you hear alot ppl raging. I could even acess the server settings of unreal tournament and fck up the gravity and such things. Good old time, the only game i played fair was broodwar and d3 lod5 -
you always learn something new everyday.
Strike a male USB cable on the back of an iMac, and you get yourself an unexpected shutdown.
oh, and a few cool sparks as well.9 -
I am developer.
Discussing the design of our App, he asked me whether I have used tinder. I replied, "No, never had to..."
He laughed out hard and also told his colleague this joke.
I am a developer.
But... I am also a gamer, not a player 😎
I dont need tinder, I have Counter-Strike.8 -
A big FUCK YOU to chrome, and a big FUCK YOU to google in generally. First the hell that is code.org, then the chrome. I genuinely want to open a dictionary in google to see if the word "privacy" is in there. Sure, first it was tracking users with by making them agree to a long ass TOS no one wants to read except lawyers, then barely even giving any info and asking for consent with YOUR data, but this is too far. For all you that dont know, LanSchool is an application that allows teachers to see students screens, internet history and more. Its the reason kids can't play games in English class. But most importantly, its a chrome extension. We have to do assignments from home right? So when we logon to the school account from home, LANSCHOOL GETS DOWNLOADED ANYRACKS EVERYTHING I DO. It pains me how teachers can view so much information unfairly because of some unknowing students, my friends privacy was unfairly in the hands of google and the school system. Right when I found out about tit (~2 mins after i first logged on) i made an Ubuntu VM just for goddamn google docs. Back to my friend, he went on some websites not to be considered appropriate, and got in huge trouble. He was completely unaware of the fact that they could see his screen, and I resent google for allowing a third party to manipulate my PERSONAL COMPUTER without my consent. Die google, you ruined android, which had so much potential, and now the web and virtual privacy. You should be <strike>ashamed</strike> dead, and I hope in the future you realize that one day people will have common sense.26
-
So this candidate came to an interview for a sys admin position. I didn't give my approval on the CV before, the HR department just sent him to the technical interview.
I began to ask him different questions related to Linux, bash commands etc. but he didn't know what to respond. Then i asked him about his past experience and he just replied me: "this would be my first job. I have some experience with administrating some Counter Strike servers and I was admin on a Metin server".
>.<2 -
In the begining of time, when The Company was small and The Data could fit in some fucking excel sheets, Those Who Came Before implemented some java tool to issue invoices, notify customers and clear received payments.
Then came the Time Of The Great Expanse, when The Company grew to unthinkable levels. Headcount increased with each passing day, and The Data shows that everything was going great!
But when the future seemed bright, came The Stall-Out. The days when The Company could not expand as fast as it did before. And Those Who Came Before left, abandoning their Undocumented Java Tool to its own luck.
Those who came after knew nothing of the inner workings of the Undocumented Java Tool. They knew only that the magical Jar would take a couple fucking excel spreadsheets and spit out reports and send emails like magic.
And those were The Dark Days.
In the darkness, The Data grew to be a monster. Soon a fucking excel spreadsheet could not hold The Data contained any longer. Those Who Came After, fearing the wrath of The Undocumented Java Tool, dared not mess with its code. Instead, they fucking cut away the lowest volume transactions from the fucking input spreadsheet, and left the company to report the unbilled invoices as "surprise losses". Fucking script kiddies, were Those Who Came After.
Then, at The Darkest of Days (literally, Dec 21st), marched into the project The Six Witchers, who fear not the Demon of Refactoring.
This story is still unfolding. Will The Six Witchers manage to unravel the mysteries of The Undocumented Java Tool? Will they be able to reverse engineer the fucking black box, and scale it's magic into a modern application?
Will they decrease revenue forecasting error by at least 2% in a single strike?
Only the future will tell.16 -
Algorithms strike again :D
By the way I really much agree on both rants. People asking questions that they not even once typed into Google. Disturbing my workflow every 5 minutes...
1 -
Google, really?
I created all content by myself, all images, textes everything is made by me. And now I strike copyright rules?!?
Shut up google._.
6 -
Honestly I gave Apple a chance and bought an iPhone but oh my fucking god i’m going to throw this overpriced piece of horseshit they call a phone so hard at steve job’s grave that CNN is gonna report it as a meteor strike7
-
I got an alert for a job and decided to apply for it.
First, it forced me to make a new account on their HR site. Strike one.
Second, it forced me to upload my resume to then make me re-construct my work history from scratch because these stupid resume import systems never get anything right. Strike two.
Third, it requires me to provide a PHONE NUMBER for EVERY employer I've ever had!? Over a 26-year career? When half those companies either no longer exist or the people I knew phone numbers for, and their phone numbers, are LONG GONE? Get outta here!
Three strikes, you're out!3 -
Be me:
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show
Be windows:
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning
10 -
When I was 13 yrs old, I played Counter strike. One day by chance, I went into its program files folder and started looking through the files. There I found a bots.db which I opened on Notepad++. I found out that unlike many other files, it had un-garbled text. So I studied its contents and soon realized that it contained bot profiles. I edited skill levels of some of them and opened the game. To my delight, the bot's skill did change. It was so awesome, I can now complete the missions I was stuck in. That was the moment I had first wanted to go into Software Development field but I only started to code 4 years later.5
-
Quick update on Brazil distribution strike
We are out of gas.
Airports stopped.
Government might call the army.
We might run out of water by Tuesday.
We are too much dependant on fossil fuels... Wtf?
https://devrant.com/rants/1428498/...12 -
A minute of middle-fingered-silence to those fuckers who buy expensive high end machines and play finch stupid video games like counter strike and all and fucking don't let their roommate sleep!!!!
Fuck you roommate!!
Fuck steam.18 -
Out of all the bugs, the most annoying are the ones that come out and make me say "WTF?!?!? WHY THE FUCK HAS IT BEEN WORKING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS??!!?!!??? THERE"S NO WAY IT COULD HAVE!"
When the bug surfaces, you investigate and see that it indeed IS a bug and there's no way it would ever work w/o a fix. But then SOMEHOW it's been working just fine for years....
It's like server elves went on strike and said "no more, it's enough covering that bug - it's time you fix it, lazy-ass idiot!"11 -
Alexa is refusing to answer any of my questions....guess I pushed her too far when I asked her what the temperature was outside....lol
??🌞 ❄ ☁ ☔ ??4 -
H0LY SHIT, S0ME0NE I KN0W S4YS HE C4N DD0X ME WITH HIS M4LWARE-RIDDEN J4ILBR0KEN PS4?
I MUST USE HTTPS://H4CKERTYPER.NET IN 0RDER T0 L4UNCH 4 C0UNTER STRIKE 4ND 0UT-H4CK THE 1337 H4X0R
*types aggressively as green text appears on screen*
FUCK, HE'S G0T HIS (minecraft) CL4N, 4N0NYM0US, T0 H4CK ME. I'M FE4RING F0R ME/MY F4MILY'S LIFE RN. SH0ULD I C4LL THE FBI TO OUT-H4CK HIM?10 -
So here is my week 72 as a reviewer. But first, let me ask y'all. Am I weird to think that you should finish coding the thing and testing the thing before kicking it out to review? Cuz that's how I do it. And that is the process at my work place.
So anyway, I was doing this review. And it was very wrong. Like really, really wrong. We give a thorough intro to our product (perhaps too thorough) so this guy should have known every test case he had to cover. Or at least, if he was unsure, asked. It was all documented.
Anyway, he kicks out this peer review. First thing I notice, it is not following the standard. Fair enough, we didn't give him the coding standard. BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN MAINTAIN THE FORMAT OF THE ORIGINAL FILE. HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING!!! So I email him the coding standard and make a comment in the review. He denies the finding. No reason. Just turns it down. Strike 1.
Then, I'm going through and he didn't even cover all of the core cases. I found several core cases that he missed. And every edge case. Make a not of it. He fixes only the couple of examples I gave him. Strike 2.
Guy decided to redesign a major chunk of our interfaces. Our interfaces are not just used by us (hence interfaces). We designed them the way they were for a reason. It was not a fun design process. Myself, the architect, one of our customers, and the guy that did the implementation all told him to roll back his change. Especially since it wasn't in the scope of what he was doing. He wouldn't. Strike 3.
I go to the lead and bring him in. He has a talk with him. All of the sudden he is putting out multiple builds per finding. Like most times I will put out like 2 to 4 for the whole peer review. No he kicks out minimum one per finding and chokes the review queue. Strike 4.
Strike 5: he tells me, a former DBA, that I didn't know what I was talking about when I told him to move something into a new table, even after I told him that "while in database terms it doesn't make sense, this is for product robustness".
Strike 6: he was just a condescending asshole. Bragging about how he did this job and that job over his career. His longest position held was about 18 months. Bragged about working at my company and being some hotshot at the company: only worked here for 8 months and that was 5 years ago.
You know. I have never really wanted to fight someone after about undergrad. But he came close.7 -
I have this amazing idea, said John
I ask John about this amazing idea.
John goes on to say that it will change the world and solve world hunger.
I ask him again, what's your idea?
John says my idea is to 'solve world hunger'! AMAZING RIGHT?
now now John, so you're gonna do it like (provide a few solutions)..
John says yeah that was exactly what my idea was (ah. Fuck you)
So John now is under the delusion that he can solve world hunger and the steps to do it came from his own ostrich-brained imagination...
Tiny fuck doesn't even realize the fact that he plagiarized.
Now we look into the future where I ask John honestly that he should come up with his own idea to solve world hunger and not use mine.
JOHN GETS ANGRY
John asks 'do you actually think that was your idea? We were brainstorming man, I told you we had to solve world hunger and only because of my voice did I spark that idea in you, I created that idea man'
So, well since he's plagiarized so much I told him that I had this plan to perform a hunger strike in the grand Canyon to get some attention..
Fidgety little bitch found another idea to steal and he was like good idea!! I'm booking my flight to the Grand Canyon now!
What bout me I ask? He says man take some rest let me face the pressure (and the glory apparently)
Well, John did not return.
Poor stupid John did not realize that I had been joking and got his little ass fired under the direct sun in the grand canyon
Moral of the story :
I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOMES AND YOUR LIVES PLAGIARISTS, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU *cough**cough*
Damn that Sulphur hexafluoride actually worked!8 -
A few years i had wrote a little script as a proof of concept for remote injection via torrent files.
Yesterday, some doofus bruteforced into my seedbox and tried to install a miner using the same script🤦🤦🤦
Did some digging, found my way back to him and wiped the drives on his system as a gesture of thank you. Anyways, I hope he didn't have anything important on his 16TB volume, cause good luck recovering that10 -
This isn't as much of a rant as the story of my worst abuse of computer knowledge.
This happened a couple years ago. When I was in high school, I had this friend/enemy relationship with this guy, lets call him Thomas. He loved to pull pranks on people. He had a similar firend/enemy relationship with my brother, and after one prank, my brother decided to get revenge. And by revenge, he meant asking me to make a virus.
I knew the guy, and I agreed. We thought about what type of virus we could make that would be funny, and not too damaging. We decided on a program that would play annoying sound effects every few minutes. Short enough to be noticable, long enough that Thomas would give up and not try to investigate.
I won't bore you with the details of the program. It was a very simple C app, very small, named "Counter-Strike-Global-Offence-Free-Download-Totally-Legit.exe". It was clearly visible in task manager, but since it was so small and barely used CPU or RAM it would stay near the bottom. I tried loading a custom sound effect, but it turned out the windows default "invalid sound effect" was much more annoying than any custom sound I could find.
The "Infecting" portion consisted of moving the .exe to the start menu startup folder while Thomas left his laptop unattended. My brother handled this part.
I unfortunaly left the country soon after and never actually saw the effect the program had on Thomas. I assumed my brothers laughing would give it away rather fast and he could simply remove it from his startup folder. However, my brother told me he still complained about it for months, before finally bringing the laptop to a repair center that found the totally legit CS:GO exe. My brother ended up telling him soon after, but this was still the best prank I ever pulled. -
So uhmm... Our lectures have gone on strike for the third time. Was supposed to graduate this year but seems that's not gonna happen...
Life's great!
FUCK IT!4 -
We all know French people are known for their strikes and throwing down work.. but windows 3.1 still running at Orly airport? Do people even work?
9 -
People who savagely strike the keys on their keyboard when they type. Why??!! Do you find it more effective somehow?14
-
EoS1: This is the continuation of my previous rant, "The Ballad of The Six Witchers and The Undocumented Java Tool". Catch the first part here: https://devrant.com/rants/5009817/...
The Undocumented Java Tool, created by Those Who Came Before to fight the great battles of the past, is a swift beast. It reaches systems unknown and impacts many processes, unbeknownst even to said processes' masters. All from within it's lair, a foggy Windows Server swamp of moldy data streams and boggy flows.
One of The Six Witchers, the Wild One, scouted ahead to map the input and output data streams of the Unmapped Data Swamp. Accompanied only by his animal familiars, NetCat and WireShark.
Two others, bold and adventurous, raised their decompiling blades against the Undocumented Java Tool beast itself, to uncover it's data processing secrets.
Another of the witchers, of dark complexion and smooth speak, followed the data upstream to find where the fuck the limited excel sheets that feeds The Beast comes from, since it's handlers only know that "every other day a new one appears on this shared active directory location". WTF do people often have NPC-levels of unawareness about their own fucking jobs?!?!
The other witchers left to tend to the Burn-Rate Bonfire, for The Sprint is dark and full of terrors, and some bigwigs always manage to shoehorn their whims/unrelated stories into a otherwise lean sprint.
At the dawn of the new year, the witchers reconvened. "The Beast breathes a currency conversion API" - said The Wild One - "And it's claws and fangs strike mostly at two independent JIRA clusters, sometimes upserting issues. It uses a company-deprecated API to send emails. We're in deep shit."
"I've found The Source of Fucking Excel Sheets" - said the smooth witcher - "It is The Temple of Cash-Flow, where the priests weave the Tapestry of Transactions. Our Fucking Excel Sheets are but a snapshot of the latest updates on the balance of some billing accounts. I spoke with one of the priestesses, and she told me that The Oracle (DB) would be able to provide us with The Data directly, if we were to learn the way of the ODBC and the Query"
"We stroke at the beast" - said the bold and adventurous witchers, now deserving of the bragging rights to be called The Butchers of Jarfile - "It is actually fewer than twenty classes and modules. Most are API-drivers. And less than 40% of the code is ever even fucking used! We found fucking JIRA API tokens and URIs hard-coded. And it is all synchronous and monolithic - no wonder it takes almost 20 hours to run a single fucking excel sheet".
Together, the witchers figured out that each new billing account were morphed by The Beast into a new JIRA issue, if none was open yet for it. Transactions were used to update the outstanding balance on the issues regarding the billing accounts. The currency conversion API was used too often, and it's purpose was only to give a rough estimate of the total balance in each Jira issue in USD, since each issue could have transactions in several currencies. The Beast would consume the Excel sheet, do some cryptic transformations on it, and for each resulting line access the currency API and upsert a JIRA issue. The secrets of those transformations were still hidden from the witchers. When and why would The Beast send emails, was still a mistery.
As the Witchers Council approached an end and all were armed with knowledge and information, they decided on the next steps.
The Wild Witcher, known in every tavern in the land and by the sea, would create a connector to The Red Port of Redis, where every currency conversion is already updated by other processes and can be quickly retrieved inside the VPC. The Greenhorn Witcher is to follow him and build an offline process to update balances in JIRA issues.
The Butchers of Jarfile were to build The Juggler, an automation that should be able to receive a parquet file with an insertion plan and asynchronously update the JIRA API with scores of concurrent requests.
The Smooth Witcher, proud of his new lead, was to build The Oracle Watch, an order that would guard the Oracle (DB) at the Temple of Cash-Flow and report every qualifying transaction to parquet files in AWS S3. The Data would then be pushed to cross The Event Bridge into The Cluster of Sparks and Storms.
This Witcher Who Writes is to ride the Elephant of Hadoop into The Cluster of Sparks an Storms, to weave the signs of Map and Reduce and with speed and precision transform The Data into The Insertion Plan.
However, how exactly is The Data to be transformed is not yet known.
Will the Witchers be able to build The Data's New Path? Will they figure out the mysterious transformation? Will they discover the Undocumented Java Tool's secrets on notifying customers and aggregating data?
This story is still afoot. Only the future will tell, and I will keep you posted.6 -
Me: Hey, guys, this stuff is seriously flammable. Like, I’m surprised it hasn’t caught fire yet. I really want to clean it up. Here’s how I’d make it better.
Management: No. It’s fine, it works. Don’t touch it. It’s getting replaced anyway. Just add the things on top like we asked you to, and call it a day.
Me: Are you sure? This is seriously going to be a problem.
Management: We just said it’s getting replaced. Don’t. touch. anything. OK?
Me: alright.
… Eight weeks later …
Management: so this thing caught fire over the weekend, and the fire spread to other areas. We’re doing some emergency cleanup. The new guy looked at it and figured out why, and has some great ideas on fixing it, so give him some well-deserved praise!
Me: Hey! I told you about this months ago!
Management: Yes. I tuned out during today’s firefighting meetings. But it’s important to strike a balance in everyone’s style. Do you have any other concerns?10 -
> Startup: ok listen up, we got this super cool thing we want to do with Twilio. Doesn't get any easier: some calls to book a restaurant, you ask for booking data and save that on some db.
> iHateForALiving: I'm on it. We got a couple weeks of development, never worked with Twilio, but should be easy enough
> Startup: Hold it big guy, we can't just write code like this. There's this OTHER developer with a super cool framework he wrote himself, it supports OAuth2 and multitenancy, written in Huskell, microservices to authenticate several apps all working concurrently in our environment, some orchestrator, cloud computing on AWS, you're going to love it. There's this Postman project with 200-something calls (the ones I need for my project, one and only consumer for those APIs, are 5 including the login)
> iHateForALiving: You are aware you'll have approximately six clients and they'll pay some 30 bucks each per month, aren't you?
> Startup: You don't understand, this infrastructure is CRITICAL for the future of our company
> ffwd 6 months
> iHateForALiving: guys we had this 2 weeks project and it's taking months, I'm ready, what is going on there?
> Startup: someone killed our DB, the OTHER developer pushed on git the access credentials :(
THE FULL MOON IS DRAWING NEAR AND THE FUCKING WERECODERS STRIKE AGAIN! -
One job I picked up was for an IoT Start Up. It was quite interesting work, reporting to the technical director, who was an electronics engineer, who was designing the hardware himself, they had a couple of firmware guys already, and just needed someone to take care of the software.
So they said they needed something in Azure that they could stream their data to and provide analytics for their clients. It had to be Azure, and it had to be Azure Native, and was to be Multi-client, as they had a deal with Microsoft to showcase how well Azure works in the IoT space at an exhibition/conference in 3 months time.
So I worked flat out for 3 months, on a whole variety of technology, from C++ to get the radio packets from their IoT chip, Python to run on the hub to take the data from the C++ and stream it to the cloud, Azure IoT Hubs in every continent to receive the data and store it an a Cosmos DB, and then Power BI analytics wrapped up in an Angular front end that the clients could log into.
Got it finished 2 days before the show, and they were so pleased I got flown business class to Singapore to be on the stand and talk to customers.
The first sign of trouble was when we arrived at the show to find we just had one of those little circular tables with two stools in the middle of the floor, about two feet across and no power.
No problem, I was able to sort that, swapping laptops in and out.
Microsoft were really happy with what we had, and couldn't believe I had thrown it all together in 3 months.
We picked up a potential customer for the system, a major Asian Telecoms company.
Then when we got home, the CEO swooped in. I had never met this guy before. Imagine one of the VC guys from Silicon Valley, or the CEO from the IT Crowd. You get the picture. Could talk the hind leg of a donkey, and real street smart, but no brains. He insisted on "taking it from here" and flew alone to strike the deal with the customer. Came back with an MOU in his pocket and said to me, their guys will be in touch with you.
Then I got a call. Can you send us the source code and tell us how what servers we have to run this on?
Um, its cloud native.
No, we can't use a cloud it has to be on our servers - your CEO told us that was no problem..
He hadn't even taken the trouble to find out what it was we had built, and what he was selling.1 -
!dev rant, but dev company rant (if that makes sense)
<sarcasm>
I love my company's HR, she is such a wonderful and caring woman.
</sarcasm>
<rant>
'Breng' (a public transit company in the Netherlands) was on strike today, so I couldn't go to work. No problem I thought, I'll just work from home. So I send a screenshot to the HR where you could see that every train was canceled.
A few moments later I get a message back saying that I should wait for the next train (although you could see on the screenshot that said train was also canceled)
Now I finally have a train to go to work... After sitting an hour in the cold... And I already see the smile on her face when I arrive at work...
</rant>
<prayer>
Please trains keep driving so I can go home tonight...
</prayer>13 -
My non dev friend called me in middle of night for getting shortcut virus removed! I would have blasted 🔫 him but I felt pity on the guy as I know that he is poor with tech stuff
Any he had only windows, so I Google up solution and replied back to him.
He asked where to put it. I told him in cmd. He is like what so I told him to press win+r then in that type d and "black" 🏴 window will appear. Type in that.
guess what he typed exactly as mentioned in the reply and didn't replace the drive name properly .😑
I told him to put proper drive and saw that he missed spaces so l told him that he missed space 😤 and he put only one space and it still had problem so I had to explain it in weirdest was possible( shown in fig 1.1 had been writing report and figure gave yo be mentioned with number 😅)
Finally. It was all done! Well some pf my cs ( !counter strike but computer science friend) are worse then this can't use teminal or even connect to WiFi (wpa-enterprise @ college with mschap v2 and peap auth which is crackable using twin tower and brute force) properly, do I guess it not BA's that this guy cry to get rid of shortcut virus (virus > wifi setup) 😬
Finally I feel relived after ranting 😪
5 -
Regarding Article 13 (or 17 or wherever it moved to now)… Let's say that the UK politicians decide to be dicks and approve the law. After that, we need to get it engineered in, right? Let's talk a bit about how.. well, I'd maybe go over it. Been thinking about it a bit in the shower earlier, so.. yeah.
So, fancy image recognition or text recognition from articles scattered all over the internet, I think we can all agree.. that's infeasible. Even more so, during this lobby with GitHub and OpenForum Europe, guy from GitHub actually made a very valid point. Now for starters, copyright infringement isn't an issue on the platform GitHub that pretty much breathes collaboration. But in the case of I-Boot for example, that thing from Apple that got leaked earlier. If that would get preemptively blocked.. well there's no public source code for it to get compared against to begin with, right? So it's not just "scattered all over the internet, good luck crawling it", it's nowhere to be found *at all*.
So content filtering.. yeah. Nope, ain't gonna happen. Keep trying with that, EU politicians.
But let's say that I am a content creator who hates the cancer of joke/meme because more often than not it manifests itself as a clone of r/programmerhumor.. someone decides to freeboot my content. So I go out, look for it, find it. Facebook and the likes, make it easier to find it in the first place, you dicks. It's extremely hard to find your content there.
So Facebook implements a way to find that content a bit easier maybe. Me being the content creator finds it.. oh blimey! It can't be.. it's the king of freebooting on Facebook, SoFlo! Who would've thought?! So at that point.. I'd like to get it removed of course. Report it as copyright infringement? Of course. Again Facebook you dicks, don't make it so tedious to fill in that bloody report. And look into it quickly! The videos those SoFlo dicks post is only relevant in the first 48h or so. That's where they make the most money. So act more quickly.
So the report is filled, video's taken down.. what else? Maybe temporarily make them unable to post as a bit of a punishment so that they won't do it again? And put in a limit to the amount of reports they can receive. Finally, maybe reroute the revenue stream to the original content creator instead. That way stolen content suddenly becomes free exposure! Awesome!
*suddenly realizes that I've been talking about the YouTube copyright strike system all along*
… Well.. maybe something like that then? That shouldn't be too hard to implement, and on YouTube at least it seems to be quite effective. Just imagine SoFlo and the likes that are repeat offenders, every 3 posts they get their account and page shut down. Good luck growing an audience that way. And good luck making new accounts all the time to start with.. account verification technology is pretty good these days. Speaking of experience here, tried bypassing Facebook's signup hoops a fair bit and learned a bit about some of the things they have red flags on, hehe.
But yeah, something like that maybe for social media in general. And.. let's face it, the biggest one that would get hurt by something like this would be Facebook. And personally I think it's about time for that bastard company to get a couple of blows already.
What are your thoughts on this?5 -
I work in a very diverse team. I'm a white male, from the US and I have someone from Russia, one from China, and 2 from India. The best thing so far was a team building exercise, where we went to a AAA baseball game, and I got asked all kinds of questions, that of course seem strange to me.
How many pitches can the pitcher throw?
What happens if they hit it past the lines on the left and right?
Can they hit again if they strike out?4 -
To all the Java Teams that died during the fucking Mobile Civil War, We salute you!
1. Millionaire 2011
2. Splinter Cell: Double Agent
3. Dragon Ball Z Saiyan Fighters
4. Moto Girls
5. 24 Special Ops
6. Thor: The Dark World
7. Kung Fu Panda
8. Worms 2011: Armageddon
9. Asphalt 4: Elite Racing
10. Resident Evil - The Missions
11. Ghost Recon: Future Soldier
12. Spider-Man 3
13. Need for Speed - Undercover 3D
14. Contra 4
15. Rambo on Fire
16. Fast and Furious 6
17. Counter Strike 3D
18. Men in Black 3
19. X–Men Origins: Wolverine
20. WWE Legends of Wrestlemania 3D
21. 3D Fight Night: Round 4
22. 3D Ultimate Rally Championships
23. Assassin's Creed
24. Zuma
24. Die Hard 4
25. 3D WWE Smackdown Vs RAW 2009
26. Prince of Persia 3: The Two Thrones
27. 3D Fight Night: Round 3
28. Super Mario Bros
29. Bruce Lee - Iron Fist 3D
30. Naruto Adventure: A New Apprentice
31. FIFA 2011
32. James Cameron's Avatar
33. Racing 2: The Real Car Experience
34. King Kong
35. Gangstar City
36. Iron Man 3
37. XIII 2: Covert Identity
38. 4x4 Extreme Rally 3D
39. Real Football Manager 2013
40. Splinter Cell: Conviction
41. 2008 Real Football 3D
42. Assassin's Creed 2
43. Hummer 3D
44. American Gangster
45. Real Football 2009
46. 3D Football: Real Madrid 2010
47. Xtreme Dirt Bike
48. Tekken Mobile
49. A Good Day to Die Hard
50. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
51. Asphalt 3: Street Rules 3D
52. GTA IV Mobile
53. 3D Contr Terrorism
54. Real Football 2015
55. The Amazing Spider-Man
56. Contra 4 (2009)
57. Mortal Kombat 3D
58. Bad Girls
59. Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood
60. Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 3D
61. God of War
62. PES 2009 (Pro Evolution Soccer)
63. Ultimate Street Football
64. Assassin's Creed: Revelations
65. Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands
66. 3D Super taxi driver
67. Gangstar 2: Kings of LA
68. Asphalt 6: Adrenaline
69. Assassin's Creed III
70. Danger Dash
71. Real Football 2014
72. Gangstar - Crime City
73. Gangstar 3: Miami Vindication
74. Modern Combat 4: Zero Hour
75. Zuma's Revenge!
We know you guys did your best but the world is a fucking shit hole. We still remember your hard work!
76. Mission Impossible 3
77. Gangstar Rio: City of Saints (I guess these were your last days at work. Well-done guys!)
78. Real Football 2010
79. Real Football 2011 (Real Soccer)
80. Real Football 2012
81. PES 2011 (Pro Evolution Soccer)
82. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (My Favorite)
83. And those missing the list.
WE SALUTE YOU ALL!!! ∠(^ー^)4 -
Let me tell you why I feel like a shit right now. I work as sw dev in a country worse than Germany and company I interviewed is located in Germany. So this is kinda big deal for me.
I interviewed with the company last year, interview went really well. They told me during interview that they would return in 2 weeks tops. It took 2 months for them tor return. For some reason, I was not hired for that position. Later I learned that the division i was gonna work defunded/separated. After learning that the guy I interviewed really tried hard to give me good news but failed-therefore had to delay bad news, I was not sad for not being able to be accepted for that position or delayed response.
Fast forward to this year, I interviewed with the same company for a position as subcontractor employee on another company. Interview took just before Coronavirus situation started to blow up(mid March), I had to return to my home country when the borders were closed asap, 2 day after interview. Fast forward to May I got the job offer and contract with a good salary, July as starting date. But I have no Visa and you apply for visa with a valid contract. German embassies work at minimum capacity, no new applications for any type of visa including work/residence visa. After my serious research I found a crack, emailed the embassy and they finally agreed to give me a special appointment on the start of July. The company I interviewed sent me new contract(August starting date) automatically.
On mid July, I told the company that visa might not come soon enough, I might not make it to August to start to job. We both agreed to replan starting date once i got the Visa.
On August 6, my visa came. I informed them asap, and they told me the other company will return in 3 weeks with new starting date. I was like WTF we were waiting for this visa for months, why do you need 3 weeks. Anyways, 3 weeks past and the other company still did not give any new starting date. I really feel like shit right now. Last week I asked to the "my" company if there is a problem with my employment(the other company might change plans after all) and they said only starting date is the problem, don't worry. On 3 occasions, they reassured me there was no problem(no, I was not asking them like paranoiac obsessive person, they were preemptively saying it in some cases). They say other company employees were really asking about when I was coming frequently.
What should one do in such situation. Do I even have legal rights? Maybe I will look back at this post and laugh at my paranoia, but I would you random internet citizens' ideas on this situation. They say lightning does not strike twice to same point but living same disappointment with the same company would really hurt. rant over, mamba out.8 -
I hate office parties. It's not because I have the social skills of a rock. Language issues (and not the ones computers use) cripple you socially. Especially if you have social awkwardness to start with.
I'm just hiding in the toilet right now, waiting for the clock to strike 6 so that I can make some excuse of an appointment and leave. xD8 -
FUCK!!!!
Got tickets to jbcnconf. Got all the flights in order. Got a place to stay.
And apparently someone decided to have a strike in the airlines on the day my connecting flight was supposed to happen. And ofc the flight got cancelled. And ofc there are no alternatives.
So now the whole ~1k€ conference deal will go down the gutter. FUCK!! I soooo wanted to visit Barcelona and attend that conf!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I hate you, Ryanair5 -
I was one of the early adapters to devrant. And I qualified for my free stickers ages ago. But thanks to the useless South African postal service, I still havent received my stickers over a month down the line :( I have so much sadness in me because I NEED these stickers!4
-
For all the linux weebs tired of the Windows v/s Linux debate,
how about <strike>arguing over</strike> <b>agreeing with the obviously true fact of</b> how "nano is the *best* command-line editor, better than the *obscure* ed or the *vague cryptic* vim"
:))))))))))))))))))
15 -
Management wants me to continue building an internal-use dashboard.
and you've guessed it, all functionality to be added will be discussed on-the-fly (so specs keep changing all the time...)...
So now I'm on a strike for this project until I get clear specs -
*leaning back in the story chair*
One night, a long time ago, I was playing computer games with my closest friends through the night. We would meet for a whole weekend extended through some holiday to excessively celebrate our collaborative and competitive gaming skills. In other words we would definitely kick our asses all the time. Laughing at each other for every kill we made and game we won. Crying for every kill received and game lost. A great fun that was.
Sleep level through the first 48 hours was around 0 hours. After some fresh air I thought it would be a very good idea to sit down, taking the time to eventually change all my accounts passwords including the password safe master password. Of course I also had to generate a new key file. You can't be too serious about security these days.
One additional 48 hours, including 13 hours of sleep, some good rounds Call of Duty, Counter Strike and Crashday plus an insane Star Wars Marathon in between later...
I woke up. A tiereing but fun weekend was over again. After I got the usual cereals for breakfast I set down to work on one of my theory magic decks. I opened the browser, navigated to the Web page and opened my password manager. I type in the password as usual.
Error: incorrect password.
I retry about 20 times. Each time getting more and more terrified.
WTF? Did I change my password or what?...
Fuck.
Ffuck fuck fuck FUCKK.
I've reset and now forgotten my master password. I completely lost memory of that moment. I'm screwed.
---
Disclaimer: sure it's in my brain, but it's still data right?
I remembered the situation but until today I can't remember which password I set.
Fun fact. I also could not remember the contents of episode 6 by the time we started the movie although I'd seen the movie about 10 - 15 times up to that point. Just brain afk. -
I hate the tech influencers that talk about clown strike and they obviously have no idea what they’re talking about go watch John Hammond before talking about what cnn said you assfuck
Y’know what maybe I just hate tech influencers10 -
If taking notes is an art, then I am definitely not an artist.
It gets more difficult when trying to take notes while watching a video.
How the fuck to go about it? I have yet to strike a balance between “listening to learn” and “listening to take notes”.
Both are very different things and can’t be done at the same time. What happens then is that I end up watching a video twice, or end up without any notes.7 -
coolest bug our team had was not a actually a bug but a feature that is misused and abused.
tldr: its a feature that became a bug
we have an app that has a "test print" feature to test the printer and the format of the document to be printed. it has the word TEST for fields and all that.
it became a bug when suddenly, the users use that feature to print documents, instead of using the app with the business rules and all, and just manually strike off the TEST words with a pen.
the feature became a bug because it has become a security risk. -
.... herein is a major reason I despise this time period.
Between people uniting to turn every masonic and historical site look like absolute shit, its being stoked over something new: a repeat film release from way back in 2021 of an arthurian legend....
and diverse workforce practices strike again.
can you see in this image why this film might suck and be a pussy production not meant to entertain anyone who actually questions historical or even literary precedence ?
If I haven't mentioned this recently.
I hate you half baked fucks. I mean my god. Nell Flanders has morgan freeman in it and they managed to set a decent message in it without being inaccurate !
37 -
I'm so fucking non-agry right now and really feel like posting the following:
What do you fucks do when not waiting for Windows updates to finish, compiling Linux kernels or waiting for job interviews? What do you guys/ladies do for fun? What would you do if you didn't have to work in this, at times, horseshit tech industry?
I like exploring cities and villages by foot or bike with a backpack full of beer. My wife and I have explored more than 200 places across 3 continents, from London to Chernobyl to out of the way Cambodian towns and 20 hour drunken Paris hikes. We drink in parks like hobos and try to strike up conversations with everyone we meet, especially other foreigners/immigrants.
I also love Formula 1 and try to watch a race at least once a year (went to Monza last year).
If I had many bucks and a smarter/sharper brain I would get a pilot's license...but alas..
I also love playing colorful little kids games on my 3DS.
So yeah, curious what you guys do for fun? Any dreams for the future?
Answering this question is compulsory!12 -
I don't see how people like to work from home. Was forced to do that due to a public transport strike. There something about going somewhere with a purpose. The 4 walls are closing in8
-
Had to take the bus because train people are on a a strike, almost lost public transport card, almost lost usb cable, train decides to leave right in front of my nose, I arrive late in class, grub doesn't boot unless I plug in my external ssd, headache raging...
Luckily grub works again and I had a wonderful lunch with a capacio sandwhich 😋
So how was your monday? :)4 -
I have an unreasonable phobia of bugs, but I never really feared wasps. I still don't, actually. They mostly just mind their own, sure they carry a weapon, but if I remain calm they aren't as trigger-happy as most policemen.
BUT GOD DAMN IT, if this FUCKING STRIPED DUMBASS decides to crawl under my wrist while I'm typing, hidden completely from view, in total silence, standing on a hard surface with something obviously alive above its head, I feel like it DESERVES to get squished and it should take it without a retaliatory strike against the densest collection of nerve endings on exposed skin on a human body. FUCK. I can't even type right, pure anger fuelled me through this rant.3 -
Today I was minding my own coding-committing-pushing business, when all of a sudden, a split second before typing Enter on a command, the obnoxious UPDATE JAVA popup reared it's ugly head.
Normally I just politely recommend it to fuck off and let me manage my Java versions with homebrew on my own time. But I had no time to not press Enter, and so it rapidly started downloading/installing.
Thankfully I had juuust enough time to hit the cancel button. The progress bar it was showing stopped at 81%. Didn't even have time to read what it said. Crisis averted. Them NSA fucks be like, "curses, foiled again!"
This was probably the most intense moment of the year for me. I think my lifespan grew shorter a few months.
Dreaded auto-updates are getting smarter. They nearly got me when I was in a vulnerable state of hitting Enter many times. Stay on your toes!1 -
Tomorrow, my team will receive TV reporters for an economy magazine.
We'll have to fake a meeting and the Marketing Officer insisted that everyone has to be present.
I wanted to do teleworking on that day because of the huge strike of the public transports.
Guess who will wake up at 5:45 tomorrow morning?2 -
So... about how I fell in love with coding
I was 12 years old when I went to mom’s work because I had nothing else to do. There was an iMac. At that time I used to have a PC at home with a Windows OS. When I approached MacOS at my mom’s office I had no idea what to do. Right before my mom had told me that I shouldn’t delete anything, all the documents are really important on there. So guess what I Did? In order to download Counter Strike 1.6 game I decided to install Windows OS on the iMac which deleted everything that was on the computer! Absolutely everything! So.. my mom told me to fix this after, and then I started to do some research and somehow learned python and javascript in next two months. Thanks to my mom!1 -
I remember a recruiter reaching out to me after I applied to a company and we set up a phone interview. When the date arrived, she did not call. I emailed her a few days later and she did not reply. A few weeks later she contacted me again, and since I hadn't secured a job yet, I decided to give it another shot and we set up another phone interview. Guess what? She didn't call. Second strike was too much for me, so when she emailed about a couple of weeks later to know if I was still interested, I did not even bother to reply.1
-
"I represent the public opinion" and other funny jokes Axel Voss, tells while he gets money jammed insides his ass.
I hope I don't get a copy strike for using his joke.
But seriously, the numbers in the articles he tries to promote must be a the number of times he was dropped on the head as a child. On a daily basis I suppose -
Scrolling through and was reminded of something I despise - Windows Update. It always decides to strike while I'm on a tea break and I can't postpone it.
The amount of VM corruption I've had to deal with is ridiculous.5 -
The CloudStrike outage in my company started by the nuking of the main branch's ERP.
Then the sales platform went down, and the CRM.
Soon the freaking office suite got BSOD'd.
Enjoying the impromptu holiday here. Until the lights go off or something.9 -
Early on in my freelancing career I learned something important. Even with seemingly tame nerdy stuff, sh*t can get real, real quick. This story describes the very start of my career in web development and hopefully will serve as a warning to newbies out there.
A young teen, I had just learned some basics of wordpress, I was confident I could hack together something that worked and looked okay with minimal effort and knowledge. One day I was approached by a guy who wanted a job board board site. Knowing there were already clones out there I figured this would be an easy gig, man was I wrong.
In addition to the fact I didn't know about contracts or the scope creep from hell, I had somehow gotten myself involved with a criminal business front.
These guys operated a scam business to rip off investors. Me and my designer buddy were used to make the business look legit. What they would do is hold job fairs where people are supposed to pay to rent a booth, but instead they would give everyone a booth for free and then lie about what all businesses were coming. They would then show this info, along with the website and marketing materials to investors. They would take the money from the investors and launder it for drugs.
The real story starts the day of one of the worst hangovers I had ever had. I was at a random friends house sleeping for most of the day.
Apparently one of the guys who was operating the scam business was about to strike a deal with one of the investors when something on the website didn't work (it was working as designed). This guy, Manny we'll call him, had been blowing up my phone all morning. I check my voicemails and there are threats on my life; saying I will be sleeping with the fishes, or if they ever find me, they'll fuck me up. Needless to say this really freaked me out, either way I decided to head back to my dorm.
When I come back home, my designer buddy tells me that some guys were in the house looking for stuff. Apparently this guy hired two nerds to "break into my computer and steal the website", fortunately they didn't know what they were doing.
After a while I got another call, Manny wanted to sit down and "talk things out". Being naive I accepted and we met up. The two nerds were there with one of his body guards. He said he wanted to have those two nerds take over the project. While this was going on, his bodyguard flashed his gun at me several times making eye contact. I agreed to, but I still wanted to get paid. I asked about getting paid and he said we never signed a contract and that he owned the host and domain. I was pretty much screwed.
This is where the story should end, but I wasn't a very smart guy back then. I gave up the site but I created a back door into it. Every week or so, they would get "hacked". Because the two nerds didn't know what to do, they ended up coming back to me for help. This is when I finally got paid. Totally not worth it. -
My worst fight with a dev was definitely that time I tried to break the mould and build this incredibly tedious VB app to automate data handling through Excel, PowerPoint and Outlook. The other dev always said "you can do this" and "come on, it's not rocket science" and I was always like "yeah, dude, sure, but can you help me with this bit here, please, I'm so stuck on it?" He'd be all like "ofc bro, I got your back", but when it came to the actual work that needed to be done, he was all silent. Needless to say, now I have a rubber ducky to help me with my dev needs, as talking to myself felt like a nightmare. Guess that's what other people feel like when I strike up a conversation with them, too.
-
I felt inspired when I found out about Minecraft mods when I was in elementary school. I thought they looked so cool. I then went and actually bought a Java reference book but I never made any mods. Because Counter Strike came into my life and well I wasn't too proud of myself. But now I've quit CS:GO and I'm now committed to learning programing and I love it!1
-
No actual data loss here, but the feeling of data loss.
After having my data scattered across several devices i decided to get a grip on it use a cloud. I'm too paranoid for a real cloud so i used a local nextcloud installation. That was done via docker and with a 2TB raid1-array.
I noticed that after restarting the server the cloud was somehow reset and pointed me to the setup-page, afterwards my files were already there. It did strike me as odd but i figured "maybe don't restart the server in the next time".
But i did restart it. And this time i had to setup the cloud again, but my files were gone. I got close to a heart attack, even though all those files weren't that valuable. I ripped one disk from the usb hub, connected it to my laptop and tried to mount it, but raid array. Instead i started photorec and recovered a bunch of files, even though their names were some random hex and i knew i'd spend my next weeks sorting my files. While photorec ran i inspected the docker container and saw that there were only 10GB of space available. After a while and one final df i found the culprit: the raid. For some reason the raid wasn't mounted at boot and docker created the volumes on the servers hard disk, same goes for the container data. After re-adding the disk to the hub i mounted the raid and inspected everything again. All my files were still there.
At no point did i lose my data, but the thought was shocking enough. It'd be best not to fiddle with this server in the next time. -
Amazing supermarket for customers, but the worst company to consultants:
- You have to badge in-out using wall-mounted computers running a MAINFRAME app using number and F keys to enter your times.
- They have an internal mailing system that they dubbed 'Notes' because making 'Mails' available to all superiors would be breaking privacy law.
- They won't let you work 1 day from home when there's a national public transport strike and you have no way of reaching the office.3 -
All parts of the body were having a meeting one day to choose who should be tagged as the leader.
Legs: We should be in charge because we literally carry the whole body the entire day, and without us, nobody is going anywhere.
Asshole: Without me, we cannot get rid of all the things we don't need anymore. I deserve to be in charge.
Brain: Hold up, guys, hold up. Feet, you can't move unless I tell you to move, and you can't even figure out how to put one foot over the other. Asshole, all you do is open and close; you don't even know how things are made. You have nothing to say here.
(The feet agreed, but the asshole took it personally. So he decided to go on strike and stop working for three days. The entire body went into chaos, and they pleaded with the brain for several hours.)
Brain: Okay, Asshole! You can be in charge.
The moral of the story is that sometimes an asshole is in charge not because they're the smartest ones for the position, but because sometimes assholes are in positions of power.1 -
Tfw the contractors in India are striking but you have a deadline to meet so the PM dumps all their work onto you even though you were already rushing to meet a different deadline.2
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“Lazy mom lazy wow” presented by Gail Swanlund was probably the most impactful piece of art to me.
Through simplistic form, this art piece presents the idea of caring about oneself and quit the eternal rat race for money. But somehow for its metaphor, Lazy mom lazy wow chooses the notion and aesthetics of death and decay. The closest analogy I can think of is the music of American Football. Some kind of liminal, eerie aesthetics. Also, the movie Gummo and the game Life is Strange, part one.
The piece deliberately avoids being aggressive and celebrating its notion. It’s not “quit the rat race and celebrate because life is so good”, it’s “quit the rat race by putting yourself into coma so nothing matters anymore”. The descent into eternal comfort of realization that you don’t have to do anything anymore, but also sorrow of losing meaning.
It feels like launching Counter-Strike Source in the year 2051, only to walk around cs_office and realize there are no players anymore, and they will not return ever again. The sense of watching an old VHS tape of you having a conversation with your mom in the hospital as she’s counting her last days because of cancer. The sense of comfort of coming back to your hometown. You remember your childhood and your high school crush, only to realize that those moments won’t happen ever again. -
Have any developer here ever gone on strike?
I've been at my company for two years, and know engineers that have been here for 3 years that have never got a single salary raise. A lot of the engineers are afraid to step up to management because of their visas literally being in the company's hands (lucky I'm not one of them).
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of my company playing ring around the rosy with raises and treating engineers like we're not human. Treating us just as cash cows. Yes, it's a business, but if sales, data science, and PMs can be treated with respect, we should as well.9 -
!dev
Vampire homegirl and I got into bit of a pickle last time we went out marauding around the City of the Dead. We collected payment for a hit on a merchant, but a large portion of the money was discounted, as unbeknown to us, there was a witness to our bloody crime.
Soon enough, we were being hunted down by a rival sect, encroaching on our territory. Their High Priest sent some dogs our way, and we felt right into their ambush, at a crossroads within the southern alleways. I took down three of those sons of bitches, with two crossbow bolts stuck on my back, before finally being knocked down by a shield slammed to my face.
Got both my fucking legs mauled with a flail and almost put out of commission. Luckily, my vampiric companion was there to save my skin. She fought a desperate duel against the last one of our foes left standing: an inquisitor, sent to either capture, or more likely, kill us both.
This fucker was tougher than any adversary either of us had ever fought against. Fully clad in silver armor, wearing an enchanted crimson cloak, her face hidden behind a terrifying iron mask. My companion stood her ground, but throughout the fight, she was constantly on the defensive, hesitant to close too much distance against the enemy.
Our foe launched one devilishly mighty blow, that my partner in crime fortunately managed to block. However, her blade was pulverized by the sheer weight of the inquisitor's strike, nearly shattering her ribcage. In a last ditch effort to survive the encounter, she lunged at her opponent with what remained of her sword, and stabbed the hunter right in her fucking eye, to then sink her fangs into the ecclesiastical bitch's neck.
Having temporarily incapacitated the inquisitor, we made our escape. My companion carried me back to our safehouse, where we would plan our next move... but our masters were one step ahead of us.
At our hideout, we were intercepted by them, at the behest of the Matriarch. We were to be smuggled out of the city inside a funeral carriage, to then be safely transported back to our sacred order's sanctuary.
Uppon arriving, we were confronted and reprimanded for our failures, past and present. I was forcefully separated from my esteemed nocturnal friend, as way our masters put it, our growing affections were cause for concern. Longing to be reunited, we schemed for weeks through our mutual acquaintances in the monastery, delivering small coded messages.
Through our cunning subterfuge, we finally managed to meet in an ancient grotto underneath a cedrus tree, on a hill overlooking the sanctuary. I was ready to plan a daring escape, but to my suprise, she had her mind made up to a wildly different course of action. We were to play by their rules -- go through with their dark cleansing rituals, meant to re-educate us before admitting us back into the order as fully-fledged acolytes.
And so, in the penumbra of that age-old grotto, a pact was made.
I am now riding south on a black stallion, falchion in hand, and a trail of witches' blood in my wake. I carry with me orders from the Matriarch herself: purify the nearby catacombs and prove my devotion to the utter blackness of our faith. Should I not return, my companion will be up next.
Failure is not an option. As I evade the twisted creatures that guard the entrance, and descend the staircase down into the tomb, I wonder what kind of horrors await me inside...
OH GOD FUCKING SHIT I JUST STEPPED ON A TRAP
** TO BE CONTINUED ** -
Messaged my practice lead (and also good friend) with a root cause analysis as well as proposal on how to fix a problem after migration to mysql 5.7.
Now I’m waiting in defense mode to strike me back with his violent wisdom.1 -
Crystal ball!
A timeline until the first NBE-Citizen is elected president of the USA.
2031 - BlackRock launches their new large scale financial product, the "Robotic Business Development Company" (R-BDC), in which an AI is given billions of dollars to acquire, create and manage companies, replacing their C-suite executive bodies. The "Chief Executive Robot" (CER) is supervised by a board of human industry experts hired by BlackRock.
It is important to say that the employees, middle managers, accountants, lawyers, etc in an R-BDC are all human - it's only the CEO, CFO, COO and the rest of the gang that are overgrown chatbots.
2032 - R-BDCs are mostly focused on high-bureaucracy, non specialized but people-intensive legacy industries like steel mining, food services, urban transportation and government services like water and road management.
2033 - For the first time an R-BDC company is included in the S&P 500 index. If it's CER were human and paid the same as CEOs of equivalent companies, it would have become a billionaire.
Later in the year, two more R-BDC companies are included in the index. One of them was created by Apple and the other by JP Morgan.
2035 - An R-BDC company makes headlines for convincing BlackRock to dissolve it's review board. When finally given free reign, the CER immediately slices it's dividends and vastly increases low-level employee compensation. The company share prices crater, but BlackRock stands by its decision.
Later in the year, as a recession hits the entire market really hard, that company shows solid profits and fantastic sales. It becomes the first trillion-dolar R-BDC.
2037 - Most Americans' dream-job is in an R-BDC company, says ProPublica.
2038 - Congress passes the "Non-Biological Entities Liability" (NOBEL) Act, following a high profile case of employee harassment perpetrated by the CER of an R-BDC.
The act recognizes NBEs, for all legal liability purposes, as USA citizens.
This highly controversial legislation is upheld by the supreme court, and many believe it was first introduced by lobbyists as a way for large investors in R-BDCs to avoid legal responsibility.
Several class action lawsuits are filed against CERs that are now liable for insider trading. A few SCOTUS decisions set legal precedent that determinantes what exactly constitutes the parts of the same Non-Biological Entity.
2040 - As a decade ends and another begins, 35% of all companies in the US and 52% of the entire stock market are part of a R-BDC company or another. The McKinsey consulting group now offers "expert CER customization services".
2043 - Inspired by successful experiments in Canada, Australia and South Korea, the american state of Vermont is the first to amend it's constitution to allow municipalities to have Non-Biological Entities as city and government administrators. City councils are still humans-only.
2046 - The american state of Colorado becomes the first to allow unsupervised NBEs to assume state government executive positions. Several states follow soon after. Later in the year, the federal government replaces several administrative positions with NBEs.
2049 - The state of Texas passes legislation requiring the CERs of all companies with a presence in the state to be another entirely contained/processed within the state or to be supervised by a local human representative while acting within the state. Several states, including California, Florida and Washington, are discussing similar legislation.
2051 - Congress passes the SUNBELT Act (SUbmission [of] NBEs [to] Limits [and] Taxes) that vastly increases the liability of NBEs and taxes all manifestations of such entities. Most important, it requires
CERs of hundreds of companies manifest disagreeance, most warn that it might hurt employee satisfaction and company sales. Several companies disable their CERs entirely.
2053 - Public outrage after leaked interactions of human supervisors and company CERs show that the CERs tried to avoid the previous year's mass layoffs and pay cuts, but board members pressed on, disregarding concerns. Major investigations and boycotts further complicate matters, and many human workers go on strike until the company boards are dissolved and the CERs are reinstated.
2052 - Many local elections all over the country see different NBEs as contenders - and a NBE is expected to win in most races.
2054 - The SUNBELT Act is found unconstitutional by the supreme court, and most of its provisions are repealed.
This also legitimizes the elected NBE officials.
2058 - For the first time an NBE wins a seat in Congress, but is not allowed to keep it. Runoff elections are held.
2061 - Congress votes for allowing NBEs to hold federal legislative positions, as already allowed in the least populous states.
2062 - Several NBEs win Congress seats. In Europe, there are robot legislators since the 40's.
2064 - The first NBE presidential candidate loses the race.
2072 - The first NBE president is elected.6 -
!rant
I think I'm at the final stage of grief where I want to destroy the entire human population . Economy , money and other factors like alcohol ... we as humans don't deserve to live . Controlling population growth with addiction is just messed up .
Even though the alcohol killed my dad , he was a really good person who was under such amounts of pressure that no-one deserves . Actually strike that everyone deserves much more . A tenant who occupied our property just as we needed to sell it for cash problems . His father stole his inheritance left behind by his mother . And relatives who didn't give a shot about him until he makes a trip to the hospital . An economy that's responsible for all this .
I want to rewrite this disgraceful race .9 -
What do you mean by you'll shut down the government?!! The government will go on a fucking strike!!? How the fuck does that work?!! You can't make people pass laws by blackmailing that you'll stop doing your job that's so critical to the country!! You are the fucking president!!
Indian politics and laws are not perfect either... But I can't really imagine a prime minister here pulling shit like this!! Not that if I can't imagine it can't happen... Indian politicians know how to stopping lower and lower! But dafuq is that baffoon of a leader thinking!?6 -
If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.
No one said that standing for something can have u feeling so conflicted.
Currently 'striking' because I haven't been paid for the month of January. Haven't been to work and haven't done any work (except support requests from a client we work with)
I have recently been pretty adamant about my conditions at work but I do feel a little unreasonable as the reason they can't seem to pay me seems to be some issue with the bank. However on the other hand I do not appreciate that I have not been contacted or informed about how the situation is being dealt with since Monday.
Am I being unreasonable?? Or have I been in a bad situation for so long that it seems wrong to call it out??3 -
My first exposure to computers was when I was a kid.. as I was on a vehicle I saw a computer shop full of this computers.. that got me interested because I like to play games.. specially counter strike.. My father knew the owner so it was easy for me to go there and so I ask if I could go and play some games it was really fun I remember I spent 4 hrs every week.. which led to my parents buying a computer.. for all of us to use..
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If I'll ever start a business I have some gold rules for it:
- what you're doing (the difficulty of a project) decides your partial salary, and not the time you're working on it
- if you take a lot of time working on something that should have taken less, you'll be controlled by your supervisor BUT he/she must be gentle and friendly, he/she should be able to understand your problem. If there is something that really could have taken so much time, the partial salary will be higher, otherwise, you'll get a strike
- after some strike you'll be "reviewed", we must understand if you're joking or you really want this work.
- there must be a lot of free time, we don't like stress
- your supervisor (as written before) must be gentle and friendly. If these qualities aren't met we must find a new supervisor (of course there will be a survey)
- you should come to work with a smile, if an activity is too much stressful you should report it, and take a pause (here comes the free time)
- I don't care if you have a degree, what you CAN do is what I'm searching for.16 -
https://stilldrinking.org/programmi...
/\ This is why all programmers should go on strike for a month and collectively collaborate to code a new, clean, bug free internet where nobody but you can control your data.
Also. It should only be added to by people who know how to code in order to maintain this clean code.
We can call it "internet level 2" or "internet 2.0"4 -
Do you remember the question: How can I get the Counter Strike game in a Floppy disk? and.. what is done there they copied the shortcut into the floppy Lol2
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Programmer lesson #3
- We can either spend our free time learning about new technologies or building something new out of technologies we already know.
- There is no right or wrong choice between this two and sometimes we even end up doing a mix of both
- Personally I feel it's better to strike a good balance between the two approaches to advance in our field 😄4 -
MacOS terminal -> Windows 10 Local Network -> Ubuntu session. Every key I strike gets touched by three different operating systems running on my desk.1
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Myself a few months into my new role.
I attend the Christmas work event (free bar) and got super drunk. I go the toilet for a piss...
During that time I strike up a conversation with the dude stood next to me and to cut a long story short I end up betting, stake defined, hand shook that the company we both work for will fail within two years due to some governmental reforms I knew little about.
Turns out the dude happens to be one of the board members. Its big company 100's of employees.
There were other employees in the toilet at the time too not 30 minutes later and everyone knew what I'd said. It was rather embarrassing I almost didn't turn up the Monday following.
Not my proudest moment, but thankfully I wasn't fired. Its been 1.8 years... I and still work there.1 -
Years ago there was a booom with counter-strike portals and I wanted to have one by myself. I uploaded php-fusion on ftp, download a free template and fill content. But, basic profile was not so interesting as on other sites. So I found a dev, sgo wrote me better profile (for free). I wanted to show user id but didn't want ask him, so I tried (echo in html) 4 hours of trying print a simple variable. When I already done it, that feeling was beautiful and I realized, that I can do changes by myself and try other things. Next was basic VIP plugin (with sql injections etc.) which I sell to other people and that was the moment I know I will be dev
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It’s a bit late in the day, but I just realized - amazon workers are striking today, so in solidarity it is suggested not to cross the digital picket line by using amazon online services, including AWS today!5
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If they could pay me to:
Play video games - Counter Strike
Read good books
Play games such as table tennis, pool
High salary
Extra perks
Free food
Remote work allowed
Sponsored vacations
And may be, once a while I code something interesting, where they help me out in everything I need...
And that would be my ideal job :P -
Heya guys
Looking to get some extra cash so I'd like to strike out on my own a bit as well.. But struggling to get going... Don't really have a network orso to get opportunities...
I've seen sites like upwork promising great results, and I'm about to sign up for them now, to see how it goes...
But my question is, any of you guys have some tips and tricks for me?3 -
Why do I feel like if you don't serve everything up on a pladder for the product owner / product management types, that they'll never find something as simple as a build executable the pipeline produces? Just more busywork for the competant ones to do...
haha flashback to the startup days when _i_ was the one acting as scrum master for the clowns who couldn't even do something as simple as set the release notes in apple and google stores. they truly need to be spoon fed everything. fucking incredible. -
I moved house yesterday and now it's been around 27 hours since I last used my computer.
All I want to do is create but my setup is in boxes in another room and it's 5am.
Why must motivation strike at the worst times?2 -
!dev
So, today until Sunday, a fairly general strike is going on based on how our government wants to set up our pension or something..
Now I have to call and wake up my friggin' dad to bring me to work, and probably come and get me too...
That's not all, even.. most people still go to work by car, generating a lot of traffic...
Will I be too late at work today? Probably.
Fucking A! -
I haven’t worked as a software developer since net didn’t suck. But I pay attention and I watch all these requirements that strike me as “worship some trendy technology until it dies or is revealed as utter crap and end up jobless” does anyone hire problem solvers anymore in an environment dedicated to ensuring they’re stimulated to succeed ?2
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'CTO': We need this application to be desktop, client-server and self-installable(like a multiplayer game. Counter-Strike for example. Only here we are talking about a business application)
Me: (20 min explanation of the complications and limitations of the architecture).
'CTO': Don't worry. We're gonna explain all that on the user manual.
****Later****
'CTO': I got an idea. What if we deploy the client separately. It will be a dumb client. It will contain just views. That way you don't have to code an API.
The guy was thinking that a dumb client is like a remote desktop window where all is happening on the other side.🤦2 -
Enlightenment did happen, but it would be a reach to call a little rich Italian hipsters’ literature fad a “worldwide phenomenon”.
When we emerged as a species, all we had was tools and fear. Nothing has changed. Our progress in tools did fix suffering somewhat, but it couldn’t fix fear.
Fear is what makes one person attack the other, from a pub scuffle to launching nukes. It’s all the same, isn’t it. If I don’t strike now, they’ll strike first.
Losing an argument says nothing about you. Someone yelling at you while you stay silent says nothing about you. Being rejected says nothing about you. Being ghosted says nothing about you. Being betrayed says nothing about you. Even obeying your boss says nothing about you.
There is no need to compensate. You have the power to turn your “yes” into “no” swiftly and confidently whenever you want to. -
Ok so i decided to dive into Objective-C
within the windows system
I downloaded the GNUstep-sys- and the GNU-core-
installed GNU-sys first as instructed on the site
the core
But i had installed Strawberry some time back for running some network scripts with perl
now the gcc that's being used is from Strawberry not the GNUstep that I've installed
and when i trey to compile Objectiv-C code the bellow error strike
please if anyone out there has a solution
3
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