AboutSysadmin of humble beginnings gradually becoming a reputed entrepreneur.
SkillsPuppet, lua, python, c++, bash, LinuxWizardry, documentationEnforcerDominator, pixelfucker
Joined devRant on 5/14/2016
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Everyone was a noob once. I am the first to tell that to everyone. But there are limits.
Where I work we got new colleagues, fresh from college, claims to have extensive knowledge about Ansible and knows his way around a Linux system.... Or so he claims.
I desperately need some automation reinforcements since the project requires a lot of work to be done.
I have given a half day training on how to develop, starting from ssh keys setup and local machine, the project directory layout, the components the designs, the scripts, everything...
I ask "Do you understand this?"
"Yes, I understand. " Was the reply.
I give a very simple task really. Just adapt get_url tasks in such a way that it accepts headers, of any kind.
It's literally a one line job.
A week passes by, today is "deadline".
Nothing works, guy confuses roles with playbooks, sets secrets in roles hardcodes, does not create inventory files for specifications, no playbooks, does everything on the testing machine itself, abuses SSH Keys from the Controller node.... It's a fucking ga-mess.
Clearly he does not understand at all what he is doing.
Today he comes "sorry but I cannot finish it"
"Why not?" I ask.
"I get this error" sends a fucking screenshot. I see the fucking disaster setup in one shot ...
"You totally have not done the things like I taught you. Where are your commits and what are.your branch names?"
"Euuuh I don't have any"
I get frustrated, but nonetheless I re-explain everything from too to bottom! I actually give him a working example of what he should do!
Me: "Do you understand now?"
Colleague: "Yes, I do understand now?"
Me: "Are you sure you understand now?"
C: "yes I do"
Proceeds to do fucking shit all...
WHY FUCKING LIE ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND??? WHAT KIND OF COGNITIVE MALFUNCTION IA HAPPENING IN YOUR HEAD THAT EVEN GIVEN A WORKING EXAMPLE YOU CANT REPLICATE???
WHY APPLY FOR A FUCKING JOB AND LIE ABOUT YOUR COMPETENCES WHEN YOU DO T EVEN GET THE FUCKING BASICS!?!?
WHY WASTE MY FUCKING TIME?!?!?!
Told my "dear team leader" (see previous rants) that it's not okay to lie about that, we desperately need capable people and he does not seem to be one of them.
"Sorry about that NeatNerdPrime but be patient, he is still a junior"
YOU FUCKING HIRED THAT PERSON WITH FULL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HAI RESUME AND ACCEPTED HIS WORDS AT FACE VALUE WITHOUT EVEN A PROPER TECHNICAL TEST. YOU PROMISED HE WAS CAPABLE AND HE IS FUCKING NOT, FUCK YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE MANAGEMENT SKILLS, YOU ALREADY FAIL AT THE START.
FUCK THIS. I WILL SLACK OFF TODAY BECAUSE WITHOUT ME THIS TEAM AND THIS PROJECT JUST CRUMBLES DOWN DUE TO SHEER INCOMPETENCE.5
> Be me
> Birthday today, spend entire day in hospitals due to my beloved's cancer (see previous rants)
> After an entire tiring day, decide to order Chinese food from restaurant in région.
> Call, difficult to make him understand my order although being a native Belgian... After 10 minutes order placed.
> Drive to restaurant to come to pick up
> "It's 121 in total"
> "Wait you said 98"
> " No sir I did not say that"
> Ok fine I'm hungry
> We don't use debit card here ?
> I got 115 on me in cash.
> "Sorry sir we can't give you a discount on the order" despite advertising the discount
> "Why not? You advertising says so"
> "We haven't changed that yet."
> "So what now?"
> Guy puts back box in the back
> Ok that's clear enough for me.
Walk away, fed up.
Now I am in another restaurant, ordered the same amount-ish and got cheaper off and got even a small beverage for free while waiting!9
Continuation of the events ranted here: https://devrant.com/rants/9895220/...
In a turn of events and very emotional moments of human admissions, it turned out that the team leader in question is in fact suffering a lot on a personal level. Not to detail here but suffice to say that, if his story is true, is enough to make everyone have a very short fuse.
He - eventually - admitted his wrongdoings, asked/begged me to stay, promised on his life and soul to never communicate unprofessionally ever again, to take a long vacation to mourn and reflect and will consider relinquishing the position of team leader for my team and just focus on the other one he manages.
I considered this a win. I stood my ground, made very clear the terms on how I continue working in the organization, the project, and with him, and kept my client and money rolling.
That being said if it ever happens once more. I immediately resign and he will be left without any chance of recovery.
This happened yesterday during 1-2-1 meeting
My dear teamleader telling me.
"You're just a stupid consultant"
Well, this 'stupid consultant' has had enough of your bullshit and will look for future endeavors elsewhere.
You are free to consider your options and make the bad decisions, dear team 'leader'.
Cry at the sheer amount of work 'your' project really entails and I will revel in your failure
I'm done with this guy.
Team leaders should be ousted if they fail their team members and the projects they are responsible for.6
This Monday, I have become a father.
It's a boy and he is awesome, in perfect health. We, as a couple could not be happier about that.
His name is Cyrus, named after Cyrus the second , the great.
However, all our happiness is overshadowed by a major blow.
My love of my life, the mother of my child, has been diagnosed with breast cancer , right before the labor.
We are in a rollercoaster right now and are torn between happiness and despair. Hard to deal with.
This is one of those things I am unable to manage with my knowledge and expertise. I can't just "configure cancer away". There is no flag that I can set as "absent" or "false".
Today we're going to hear what the strategy will be to battle this monstrosity. We're bracing ourselves for the worst.22
On my list:
* John Romero (id Software)
* Yukihiro Matsumoto (Ruby programming language)
* Donald Knuth (LaTeX)
* Gosuke Myashita (serverspec)
* Johan de Wit (puppet guru and my personal sensei that taught me a lot of things and also a good friend I cherish)2
Today during a follow-up meeting of the grand project I'm workng on...
TL: ... and I want to start working on the production environment and have it ready by next month.
Me: (interrupts) hold up! We are not ready, we have a huge backlog of technical tasks that need to be addressed and we are still not in possession of the very crucial business and functional requirements that you are supposed to provide. The acceptation environment is just set up on infra perspective but does not have anything running yet! The API we depend on is still not ready because you keep adding change tasks to it. We have a mountain of work to do to even get to a first release to integration yet and there is still the estimations on data loads and systems... your dream will not be possible until at least Q2 of 2024.
TL: stop being so negative @neatnerdprime and try to be more customer friendly. I want it by the end of the next month.
Me: remember what I said to you about moving prematurely. Remember I don't take any responsibility if things break because you rush the project. Please, reconsider!
TL: I just want it, please do it
FUCK YOU YOU SORRY EXCUSE OF A PEOPLE PERSON KNOWING JACK SHIT AND JUST LICKING THE MIDDLE MANAGEMENT ASSHOLE TO RECEIVE ATTABOY PETS ON YOUR UGLY ASS BALD HEAD AND CROOKED TEETH. YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE IN A FURNACE AND LEAVE NO TRACE BEHIND.4
Lower/middle Management refusing to look at boards and wanting daily résumé of activity in an email they will never read nor comprehend.15
* it does not claim to care about indentation but it actually does
* nested datastructures are a nightmare, especially 'inline' for 'readability'
* oh fuck me everything must be "double quotes"
* booleans always lowercase, there is no "truthy" here.
* Tables are not intuitive at all.
And all this from working with it first time because I had the silly idea to modernize a python project to use pyproject.toml
Oh and don't get me started on pyproject.toml files. The documentation sucks!6
> be me, working while at the beach
> SO: " hey, do you want me to make a bracelet?"
> me: "sure, make me whatever, something that fits me."
> what I get is picrel.
Someone from my current workplace found out who I am here. There goes my relative anonymous life here.
To all my colleagues, especially in the 'ansible' group chat.
I love you all (most of the time).
Please don't send this to upper management. Thank you.14
Whatever was going on in the weekdays ... I forget about it right here, in my garden.
Have a nice weekend you all.6
Usually I do love my colleagues, but lately....
FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM NOT YOUR WALKING HUMAN GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE SHITOVERFLOW CHATGEPETTO INSTANCE! READ YOUR FUCKING LOGS, DO A FUCKING INFORMATION LOOKUP, READ THE FUCKING MANUAL.
OH YOU HAVE A QUESTION YOU SAY? PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE ELABORATE WITH SOMETHING MORE THEN 'Please help me with the pipeline"' WHILE YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF GIT, LINUX OPERATING SYSTEMS AND AUTOMATION.
OH YOUR BRANCH IS, WHAT, 3 MONTHS BEHIND MASTER? NEVER HEARD OF A FUCKING REBASE? WHATS THAT YOU SAY??? YOU DONT KNOW WHEN TO SKIP A COMMIT??? ITS YOUR FUCKING CODEBASE! READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !!!
WHATS THAT? YOU WORK IN VSCODE AND YOU DO T K OW HOW? AGAIN READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !
Quest.com APM software. Foglight. Terrible support site, terrible product, everything is terrible. Support engineers that still need to be explained the difference between disk space and inodes....
MFW I'm looking at my own code for generating images with packer & vagrant last updated two years ago and so much new stuff has come along...
I fucking hate foglight!
Fucking piece of over bloated shit software that can't do anything right!
This pile of harkonnen vomit is such a source of stress and frustration.
Can you believe that a monitoring tool, that needs to monitor 550 agents (host,dB's, webservices,whatever) needs a whopping 20+GB ram and 4vcpu's just to receive metrics and sent it to the main server, for just being a middleman???
Fucking piece of shit.
And worse of it all, due to some fuckery at mgmt-customer relationship level, they want to I stall MORE of this shit
Quest software, never engage with them. You'll lose equal amounts of money as for dynatrace but be very bad off1
Coming from a pure sysadmin environment and profession, I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I've successfully managed to use a ruby library properly instead if shelling out to use it's cli interface, with optparse, proper rake task in the lib folders and proper exit code handling.
It's never too late to learn how to program in any language for your personal project.1
I have been 'called' by a very unusual number. Seems to originate from Russia
For reference, don't call them back!
Now I'm in paranoid mode due to The whole pegasus affair where a simple phone call already infects your phone
Am I paranoid android?8
Ctrl-w tot clear the console Line
Can you believe is was always using Ctrl-c to empty my terminal Line when mistyping?
And out of sheer coïncidence of closing all my tabs, is accidentally die this in my terminal window, and then in was like 'wait What?'11
> be me
> " It's Sunday, time for some battlestation housekeeping"
> " Oh easy, every git repo should do 'git clean -dfx'"
> Goes to ~/.rbenv
> Executes 'git clean -dfx'
> A whole 15 minutes long my drives go in overdrive...
> Removed 37 ruby versions and their gems, 104GB space freed up
I should do this more often
And I should now pull in all new versions and other things...3
Always, always, with every estimate in time or resources you or your pm/manager/whatever thinks to need. Multiply that number by pi.
That's a more real-world estimate.8
Monitoring tools madness: quest foglight.
So, setting a blackout for an FMS "HA cluster" (which does not work due to a bug infested custom jboss implementation) can bring the servers down... And no way to bring them back up.
This brilliant piece of enterprise APM software costs 600.000€ for a 5year license.
I,ve added more drama (logs, threaddumps, support bundles and screenshots) to the support portal...
45 cases now in total, oldest case still open date 2017...
Fuck you quest software4
Worst enterprise software must be 'foglight' from quest.
I have ranted about this before...
Whenever you see the name 'quest software' or foglight, NOPE the fuck outta there.
You know you have to deal with annoying things when you take on a guard duty role and yes, we signed up for it because of the mullah.
However, you also want to do this with a reliable and robust monitoring and alerting systemthat you can depend on! And no i am not going to advertise a product for this... What i will tell you is which one to avoid.
Meet Quest "Foglight" ... It does EVERYTHING! It monitors, it alerts, it does trend watching it does fancy shmancy graphics, it does reporting, it is very extendable... WAUW, right! right?
Well, if you were stuck somewhere in 2005-2010 maybe... But this fucklight is cutting short on EVERYTHING
Today , i got called up at 3:30 in the morning (i am typing this after the incident) because this shit of a system has "HIgh Availability" by basically letting the FMS server suck each others jaggons and hope it somehow respons. This is a sort of keepalived thing, but on proprietary java tech..
Oh, yes, it's written on java and... yes.. Java 6
This means that, effectively we are running RHEL5 machines (yes, RHEL 5!!!) because something more modern in place? nope.
I have no idea anymore what i am ranting about, i'm tired, i'm tired of this shit, i'm tired of getting called up just because of some dude has been cussing up a sales representative, sucked each others jaggons and pushed the federal goverment with a shit solution for almost a decade now.
Fuck Quest software, because did you really think you would get enterprise level support for an enterprise product which you payed enterprise euro's for it? You are so naive, how cute...
And consequently : Fuck Dell and Good job Dell.. For purchasing quest software, mess around with it, and then dump it back to the market... Srsly Dell , you were like me when i had this hot ass chick as a girlfriend but later seemed to be too crazy to justifiably tolerate compared to her hotness. Dump it like it's trump.
Oh, and, wauw! Foglight graced us with a successful startup process after .. what.. 6 times restarting? In 2 hours... With 12 CPU's and 128 GB ram and .... oh fuck this you don't deserve such resources.4
During these interesting times it has certainly been a productive one for me. But after this fuckup i need to take a break. Also came to the reallisation i rely too much on Ctrl-r in terminal. I just needed to find that one long weird rsync thingy that i use once a quarter year...
:~$ history -c | grep rsync | grep...
I need a break. I royally fucked up now and i cannot be bothered right now to type that 25 lines of escaped backslashed one-liner rsync thing...3
Oh boy, this is gonna be good:
TL;DR: Digital bailiffs are vulnerable as fuck
So, apparently some debt has come back haunting me, it's a somewhat hefty clai and for the average employee this means a lot, it means a lot to me as well but currently things are looking better so i can pay it jsut like that. However, and this is where it's gonna get good:
The Bailiff sent their first contact by mail, on my company address instead of my personal one (its's important since the debt is on a personal record, not company's) but okay, whatever. So they send me a copy of their court appeal, claiming that "according to our data, you are debtor of this debt". with a URL to their portal with a USERNAME and a PASSWORD in cleartext to the message.
Okay, i thought we were passed sending creds in plaintext to people and use tokenized URL's for initiating a login (siilar to email verification links) but okay! Let's pretend we're a dumbfuck average joe sweating already from the bailiff claims and sweating already by attempting to use the computer for something useful instead of just social media junk, vidya and porn.
So i click on the link (of course with noscript and network graph enabled and general security precautions) and UHOH, already a first red flag: The link redirects to a plain http site with NOT username and password: But other fields called OGM and dossiernumer AND it requires you to fill in your age???
Filling in the received username and password obviously does not work and when inspecting the page... oh boy!
I ask for the seemingly "new" credentials and i receive new credentials again, no tokenized URL. okay.
Now Once i log in i get a horrible looking screen still made in the 90's or early 2000's which just contains: the claimaint, a pie chart in big red for amount unpaid, a box which allows you to write an - i suspect unsanitized - text block input field and... NO DATA! The bailiff STILL cannot show what the documents are as evidence for the claim!
Now we stop being the pretending dumbassery and inspect what's going on: A 'customer portal' that does not redirect to a secure webpage, credentials in plaintext and not even working, and the portal seems to have various calls to various domains i hardly seem to think they can be associated with bailiff operations, but more marketing and such... The portal does not show any of the - required by law - data supporting the claim, and it contains nothing in the user interface showing as such.
The portal is being developed by some company claiming to be "specialized in bailiff software" and oh boy oh boy..they're fucked because...
The GDPR requirements.. .they comply to none of them. And there is no way to request support nor to file a complaint nor to request access to the actual data. No DPO, no dedicated email addresses, nothing.
But this is really the ham: The amount on their portal as claimed debt is completely different from the one they came for today, for the sae benefactor! In Belgium, this is considered illegal and is reason enough to completely make the claim void. the siple reason is that it's unjust for the debtor to assess which amount he has to pay, and obviously bailiffs want to make the people pay the highest amount.
So, i sent the bailiff a business proposal to hire me as an expert to tackle these issues and even sent him a commercial bonus of a reduction of my consultancy fees with the amount of the bailiff claim! Not being sneery or angry, but a polite constructive proposal (which will be entirely to my benefit)
So, basically what i want to say is, when life gives you lemons, use your brain and start making lemonade, and with the rest create fertilizer and whatnot and sent it to the lemonthrower, and make him drink it and tell to you it was "yummy yummy i got my own lemons in my tummy"
So, instead of ranting and being angry and such... i simply sent an email to the bailiff, pointing out various issues (the ones6