*this is gonna be a long one*

This year has been a Year™️. I'm kinda fed up with the industry in general, and I'm not sure how I'm gonna get back to working.
I also got an official autism diagnosis, which makes me feel like there isn't really gonna be a workplace where I'm not gonna want to die. It's fucking exhausting to deal with corporate bs and I don't have the bandwidth for that.
Recently I've been focusing on finishing my studies and I've been considering a hard turn to academia. tbh it's not an idea i like to entertain, but i do like that it has more autonomy and room to breathe. I also like teaching, that's not the problem for me, i just hate the research culture in general. I find it pedantic and gatekeepy in a way that really pisses me off.
Anyway, I'm mostly exhausted, but i do enjoy this field, I just don't know where to go from here.

if you think about it, the internet is just a practical exercise of Plato's cave allegory

5 more classes. i just gotta finish this semester and do my thesis and I'll be free. fuck this place

my professor is showing the fast inverse square root video in class, which he does every fucking semester. does it have anything to do with the class? no.

it's a cool video, but come on, half the people here have already dropped this class once or twice, change the script a bit

i haven't even updated to win11, so why tf does Microsoft think i want copilot on my task bar

I'm now feeling much better about leaving my job, since i found out they are absolutely fucked:

- They're realizing once again that my peer wasn't doing anything and that i was the one picking up the slack.

- The kid they thought they could abuse this time doesn't actually mind missing deadlines, so they have a shitton of backlog.

- The colleague that used to babysit everyone into doing their job is finally relevant again because he's having to do that again.

- The good climate we had is fully gone now, they're killing themselves and the management is on top of them constantly

forgot how much i hate react

i wonder what happened to the bright eyed 18 year old version of me that had perfect grades and was on top of her shit. nowadays i can barely feed myself without feeling exhausted and I can't read a book to save my life

do they

earlier today i had 6k+ unread trash emails. now i have exactly 1 :)

unemployment is actually very productive

i spoke to the social worker in our union, it helped a lot i think.
she mostly said my feelings are valid and that our company is sickening, and that I'm sad now because I'm grieving and that's ok, but i should look for medical help.
it wasn't anything i didn't already know, but it's still reassuring that I'm not going mad, cause i feel like i was being gaslighted by my bosses

i got mad and said i quit and now I'm having a panic attack

first day back from vacation

I'm so happy to be on vacation during a global outage

when the only thing you have going on for the team is the atmosphere and even that they fuck up, what now

do you guys think multitasking is a high standard? at work we deem it essential, but i wonder if it's too much to expect new people to pick up on our pace. if we're not coding in a meeting while answering texts and emails, we're not getting anything done

that i get used to stupidity and start accepting it as normal

ghost colleagues. they don't answer texts, you don't even know if they're alive

the good code you write today is the bad code you curse at tomorrow

i think this is about getting interviewed, but when we were looking for interns it was really hard to gauge how much each of them knew, cause they lied like hell on their resume.

we ended up picking a boy that knew virtually nothing and a girl that was pretty good on her feet.

it didn't matter too much, cause we always had planned to teach them everything, but the boy kept lying so we didn't get any results from him for a while.

we also had an attitude problem from him for a while. it looked like he wasn't that interested in doing anything. that's also something that's hard to pick up in an interview, and we had to beat that shit out of him (figuratively).

- I say the project is shit and it'll be hell for everyone involved
- Management says we'll do it anyway
- Project keeps being hell for everyone involved
- Management reprimands the team for letting hell consume us
- I (again) point out the project is hell itself
- Management maintains it's our fault
- I am Tired™️

i should be paid for the time i spend thinking about code outside of work. i really dislike doing that, but then my brain just decides to dream about code anyway and i wake up at 2am with ideas and a headache

i think I'm burnt out again. yey

"excellence" is the greatest trap to leave you miserable. i wish i just didn't care about quality and meaning in my work, i think I'd be happier

we spent days now cleaning years and years of trash in our db. we freed 100gb of pure nonsense, and we're still going. it feels cathartic. some tables i wanted to drop since i saw them for the first time

i feel like everything around me is catching fire, so I'm trying to put it out while also keeping a customer service smile and dealing with people

i accidentally gave a huge deadline for something that i will finish pretty early. oops 😬

people should stop dropping columns on these fucking tables

i can't believe google is trying to stop legislation on fake news. actually, i can, but come on

i kinda hate my job, but i also enjoy my job. i hate that I'm overworked, i like being recognized for my competence. i hate the bosses, love my colleagues. i hate the shitty code i have to maintain, but i love making something better to substitute it.