If you've ever given a directory the name 'files' or called a variable $variable ... FUCK YOU!

My favorite kind of Christmas memories

Dear Microsoft,

It's been almost 2 days since you have asked me to update to Windows 10, I'm beginning to get a little worried, is everything ok?

Question time;

Do you guys pronounce the database query language as 'S.Q.L.' or 'See-quel'

Personally hearing the latter makes me want to punch the person saying it right in the throat.

*****edit
Please forgive the pea-roast, didn't check to see if this had been previously asked.

Not just developers but this pisses me right off.....

Guy gets upset... Slams pen on his pad... Has to go and have a half hour discussion about his 'attitude'

Girl gets upset... Starts crying... Everyone else has to get lectured about what made her cry.

Both emotional outbursts but apparently one is ok and one isn't.

*For the record no pens or pads were harmed while 'researching' this rant

Here's one, and it's aimed at the devs who do linked in's app.

Why the f**k is your iOS app 314mb???

Is there a 3 hour movie in there that I'm missing?!?

Crappy team bonding or conference days where you spend the day away from your machine listening to motivational speeches from arsehole senior managers!!

"And don't forget everyone, there's no I in team."

"No, but there's a U in cunt."

if (!isset($woman))
{
$cry = false;
}

Never had a client who has not done this...

"Yes I know we are releasing tomorrow but do you mind if we make these 46 tiny changes real quick?"

One thing that pisses every dev off I know!

Project Managers who think making any changes takes 30 seconds.

"No Susan, changing the site isn't as simple as changing your f**king Facebook status!!"

When a client asks you to make a form.... With 6 input fields and about 9 output fields.

Cheers buddy, I'll just make the rest up shall I?!?

FFS!

Me: "I've just released a new app"

Everyone I know: "I've got a great idea for an app.... I'll give you 10%"

Every. Single. Time.