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Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man how to program, frustrate him for a lifetime1
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Here's a funny joke
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.7 -
Interviewer: So how long did you work at your last job?
Man: 30 years
Interviewer: and how old are you?
Man: 22 years
Interviewer: you're 22 and you have 30 years of experience that's not possible
Man: and you are looking for a junior dev with 5 years of experience4 -
I had a client reach out to me to build a website for a company they’re starting.
The email was well-written and I was considering doing it—but then I read the last sentence.
“I think it’s appropriate for you to do it for free since I took the time to reach out to you”9 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
Boss man: your code has issues , you should strive to have lesser bugs.
Me: GTA was made due to a bug in the their code.
*mic drop, leaves office, clapping heard in background*
😂
12 -
Every Unix command eventually become an internet service .
Grep- > Google
rsync- > Dropbox
man- > stack overflow
cron- > ifttt5 -
Making fun of a skinny/fat person working out is like making fun of an uneducated man trying to learn7
-
Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day.
Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.2 -
Give a man an Android app and he will thank you for a day. Teach a man how to create Android app and he will curse you for a lifetime.2
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Youtube is blocked on the long distance bus wifi. I use a vpn, feeling like hacker man. Now they limited the data to 150 MB. Don't feel like hacker man anymore6
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A supervisor in my first job , he also taught me to pick up girls in bars.
Hell he picked up a girl whilst I was throwing up on a train 😂, literally right next to me 😅 talented man
He made me want to be better then him at programming ... Not picking up girls. So now I am and got my own company doing it ... All due to a strange bromance15 -
Having to argue with team members inside my head.
I have a one-man startup, so I have all these imaginary team members who specialise in different things so that I can concentrate on whatever I am doing for that day.
But it seems my developer side of me hates the manager and UX designer these days for making changes half way through the project.
Oh yeah, and my accountant side thinks I'm spending too much. Fuck you, I needed that money.4 -
Never google "man" command!
I was looking for "man touch" and the result was "3 Ways to Touch a Guy - wikiHow" :|24 -
Me a year ago:
// Pieces together a deadbeat crappy php-script
"Man... PHP is shit"
Me now:
// Gets paid to create controllers for php framework applications
"Man... PHP is THE shit!"4 -
Did you know..
There is an Easter egg in the Unix man command, if you call it at exactly 30 mins over midnight.
Then it prints "gimme gimme gimme"; (all night long)..8 -
My own text mmorpg and it's selfmade Chat system! <3
Yeah it's barebones and has some flaws, but its the first project I set an worked through with a very pleasing result ^^
It's a CLI-Style interface with a command and chat mode, multiple rooms, user descriptions etc.
Some day I want to improve it even further, bring much more functionality in the mix, but first I would have to reinforce the base/core of the program ^^
7 -
Quote, I really liked - “Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day.
Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.” -
When I saw that the Zuckman was gonna go testify for congress I already knew that shit was gonna be retarded.
I had 0 expectations of congress asking the correct questions.
I was still disappointed. That is the beauty of my government. I have 0 expectations and they still disappoint me.
I love playing the devil's advocate. I really do, in this case and even tho I think Facebook is the most toxic shit on the internet (right next to SO) I could not help it but think the entire time that we aaaare told that all our date are belongs to them as soon as we put shit on their application. Its just the nature of the beast. Don't like it? Don't use it! But if you are gonna use it then account for the fact that your data will be used for targeted adds. It makes more sense, I would rather have an add for tutorials and books and shit like i normally get rather than knowing that 10 hot singles are in my area (because those are all lies 9 times out of 10) but then again I would rather not have any adds at all.
One has to account for all the money that fb pours into shit, where do people think fb makes that money from ..duh our data and adds. But shit was too hard to understand for Congress.8 -
Computer - Enter password
Man - password
Computer - Your password is incorrect
Man - incorrect
Computer - try again
Man - again1 -
Who else questions the Apple QA team?
Effective power to the letter "i" not working to the root bug and now this?
Jesus Christ they need to get some help lol
12 -
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.2
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Two types of people. I see this way to often in the community, and yes, I know this to be true to every industry, but being that I am in I.T I will thus focus just on I.T.
We never know about the situation of other people, we can always tell them that it is natural to be confused at first and they should learn to look at the docs, but to be nasty just for the sake of it, because some screen protects you from catching hands.... that is the legit personification of the fat ugly little troll nerd that is so pathetic that he needs to shit on others over the internet.
Lads, web development can be complex, but it is one of the lowest forms of development, certainly not complex and glamorous enough to act as if we were gods...do we really need to be that mean and nasty?
28 -
I couldn’t get a dev duck ,
So here comes Dev Spider-Man!!!
Well he’s obviously good at coding , cos you know , he works on the web 🤣
3 -
!rant
... so... maybe not that much of a thing, but i think it is:
a gal (27 years old) i started teaching programming two weeks ago, who had literally no previous experience with programming, algoritmization nor c#...
... just now, after 3 lessons of 6 hours altogether, and after yesterday when i explained to her what arrays are and reminded her what loops do...
... invented bubble sort. on her own. no googling. on paper. no "trial and error code typing and running".
i'm actually pretty proud of her :)
... putting the algo concept into actual code will still be a bit of a struggle, but yeah, hell, can't help thinking that she's actually pretty smart :)
(p. s. fist lesson was i drew uml of a fibonacci algo and forced her to understand what it does, second lesson was i explained the minimum required c# syntax for her to be able to implement it and forced her to write it (with as little help as i could), third lesson was the concept of array and "okay, now here's array of numbers, make a function that will sort them")
looking forward to what will happen when i explain recursion and nudge her towards quicksort O:-)8 -
Give a man the answer and help him for the day. Teach a man to Google and shut down half the help desks in the world.4
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Positive compliments : You really should try other jobs man
Negative compliments : You should also try other jobs man3 -
We were going over man in the middle attacks today and I honestly just could not stop thinking about that SpongeBob episode where Squidward keeps intercepting the bubble messages between SpongeBob and Patrick and it was so dumb that I could not stop smiling.3
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When I was about 13, I opened up command prompt on Windows, and changed the color of it to green then ran the tree command. So, not thinking of anything, this was in the library in front of about 60 people and 2 teachers.
All others saw was green text going down fast, and instantly presumed that I was hacking since they knew I was into coding and finding exploits, and just knew how to use a computer better than them in simple terms (HACKER MAN). Thus this lead to me getting sent to the principal's office... I almost got suspended cause I ran the tree command in green.
Two questions for me remain unanswered, that I would love to know. What would've happened if command prompt was printing text in red. Another question becomes, what would've happened if people saw me pinging Google or some popular site.4 -
Just saw the first Iron Man again, but this time in english (never did it before (I'm stupid (but french dub is pretty nice tho))).
Poor dude developed his first armor with some kind of Vista running computer, I can't begin to imagine his pain during the process6 -
This was a straight-to-devrant moment...
Referred a work colleague to a man page for a command they were having trouble with.
Their reply: "I really hate man pages. They are not useful to me. They are full of blah blah blah blah blah. I just want 'run this' or 'run that'."
Then my eyes exploded right out my head, making room for my brain exploding right behind them.2 -
Seriously, wtf..
- Getting ready for the K.I.D.
- Will need a red LED light/lantern to see things around w/o waking the kiddo up
- Order a bunch of various models
- Receive some of them
- The another one arrives - it only has white and blueish-white modes
- Reach out to the seller, ask to send me what I've ordered
- Seller replies with:
> Hi, friend
> I am very sorry this light is out of stock now
WTF dude... I order a particular SKU of your products, I need it for its particular properties the other SKUs don't have and when you see you've got no more left you do what? Send me a random product? Seriously, WTF man?!? How about ping me with a message, explain that you've oversold the item and suggest a refund? naaah, too much work, right? Just grab whatever products you still have left on your shelf and send them to your customer instead. /s
WTF MAN?!?!2 -
That a man owns a fully-rugged notebook computer does not imply that this man should hold the computer by its screen.5
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rant & question
Last year I had to collaborate to a project written by an old man; let's call him Bob. Bob started working in the punch cards era, he worked as a sysadmin for ages and now he is being "recycled" as a web developer. He will retire in 2 years.
The boss (that is not a programmer) loves Bob and trusts him on everything he says.
Here my problems with Bob and his code:
- he refuses learning git (or any other kind of version control system);
- he knows only procedural PHP (not OO);
- he mixes the presentation layer with business logic;
- he writes layout using tables;
- he uses deprecated HTML tags;
- he uses a random indentation;
- most of the code is vulnerable to SQL injection;
- and, of course, there are no tests.
- Ah, yes, he develops directly on the server, through a SSH connection, using vi without syntax highlighting.
In the beginning I tried to be nice, pointing out just the vulnerabilities and insisting on using git, but he ignored all my suggestions.
So, since I would have managed the production server, I decided to cheat: I completely rewrote the whole application, keeping the same UI, and I said the boss that I created a little fork in order to adapt the code to our infrastructure. He doesn't imagine that the 95% of the code is completely different from the original.
Now it's time to do some changes and another colleague is helping. She noticed what I did and said that I've been disrespectful in throwing away the old man clusterfuck, because in any case the code was working. Moreover he will retire in 2 years and I shouldn't force him to learn new things [tbh, he missed at least last 15 years of web development].
What would you have done in my place?10 -
Honestly ...
Am I a simple man ?
I had a small convetsation with a stranger and he suddenly called me "a simple man".
That made me wonder for 3 days and i thought i can ask U .
U can see my prev posts and share your thoughts with me .12 -
Just went from full time employee at my work to contract under my own LLC on a retainer at my old salary. I'm my own man and it feels great. All the tax breaks shall be mine.6
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Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.
Fuck
Human
Resources
Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.
Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.
I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.7 -
FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!
(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸
So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
But nooooooo!
Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,
P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes2 -
Jared wtf were you thinking! He is a wild man 😊 Final 5 minutes thru rolling credits was very cool.
Lot of communication and usability lessons to be learned during the episode.
Season finale next week. Can't wait!2 -
Well today I feel like shit so I called in sick. Found out the lead developer called in sick as well.
The thing is, there was something really important to be done today that he fucking new that if he was not to be there I was going to get shit from everyone. He is going through some shit right now and I get it, so I would normally cut him some slack.
But fuck man, at some point you got to man the fuck up and deal with your job, if anything do it for your fucking coworkers/friends. He fucking new that I was going to get a fuckload of bullshit over something that he takes care of.
Nevermind that there are only 2 fucking developers for the entire fucking campus(2 campuses actually) and we were told last friday that we were needed. Normally, one would put up with the bullshit and make a presence, but that one of us is always me. Today I said fuck it, its too cold, don't feel good and I don't want to take my daughter to the daycare.
Today I sit at home, go over my OS books, play Skyward Sword with my daughter, watch movies with her and I don't think about work for one second.
On another note, the reason why I need to go through my OS books is that a good portion of my masters degree(which I am to start on August) covers OS development, it seems that the entire curriculum will be C/C++ galore which makes me FUCKING STOKED! finally a break form web development that I can probably use to get me out of web development professionally as well.9 -
Built a whole test suite around our Laravel app which has been pointed out to exec as slowing down CI and yielding no value to the user.
Arguing it’s ensuring something our users is using doesn’t accidentally break just gets brushed off as incompetence.
Oh well, I’ll just skip tests in CI and continue writing and running tests on my own as I don’t feel confident just cowboy fixing things.2 -
Front-End / Frontend / Front End?
Spider-Man / Batman / Iron Man?
The way you type the word frontend is subconsciously chosen by your superhero.8 -
There is this dude called Richard Eng which is sort of famous for 2 things:
First: he is known as *the* Smalltall evangelist of mothern times. And he constantly writes about it. Which is fine since he tries to attract new users to this beautiful and simple little language.
Second: his constant bashing of other technologies, mainly Javascript stating that it is the most harmful tech known to man.
The thing is, saying "use this because that is shit" is never going to convince a community, specifically one as potent as that of the JS community. And to make it worse...the dude links his reasoning about bad languages to articles he wrote. As in "this is shit, look at my completely biased article regarding why its shit"
Once he is confronted about it he links back to his own writings. Much like christian fanatics do
"good is real because it says so in the bible"
"but how can you trust that resource?"
"Because the bible is the word of God"
"and how do you know?"
"Because it is in the bible"
Circular arguments like that cannot be taken seriously. And what this guy does for the Smalltalk community hurts more than it helps really.
Claims like those are all around us. If we were to believe or consider them depending on who said what then we would never have the amazing cluster of tech choices that we have.
Take c++. It is absolutely powerful and gives you the ability to do pretty much anything. If we were to take Linus Torvalds's word about it being shit and only having subpar development we would miss on absolutely powerful tools.
The same came to me from Evee, writer of "PHP a fractal of bad design" or the "Node.js is cancer" article.
You are never going to please anyone with anything. I go by live and let live, and whilst I don't like some technologies I certainly don't look down on those that do.4 -
Nothing makes me happier than listening to my neighbor's disgusting banda music playing as loud as it can.
No worries tho, the cops will be here in about 20 mins (it usually is 20) one would have expected that after getting the cops called on you for 3 times already you would get the message:
No homeslice. If i want to listen to that cantina piece of shit music on my fucking friday nights I will make sure to let u know :) but I actually have class so no thank you.
This is why Trump hates us (Mexicans) -
I'm pretty sure my browser is always open when I'm using my linux machine because I always don't know how to do what I really want to do.3
-
[Me]: Walking past a building, looks like an office building. *Light bulb*
[Me]: looks towards the nearest monitor Python terminal is open. Screams out loud "My man!" -
!rant
...i realized i can actually pattern-match like this (as in, sequence of elements (including "whatever") instead of just head::rest in F#...
...from watching a talk about prolog.
like "wait... prolog can do this when pattern-matching? that seems very useful. i think i tried to do that in F# but it didn't work, which seems stupid... I'm gonna go try it again".
and sure enough =D
i think i really am gonna like F# if i find the time and resolve to break through how its different mode of thinking stretches my brain in ways it hasn't been stretched for a long time =D
6 -
When destiny hits you very very hard.
Man Accidentally Destroyed Production Database on First Day of His Job.
https://hackread.com/man-accidental...2 -
So a package came at my door today and it looked like it had stickers in it. I thought they were my devRant stickers and became so overjoyed I happily signed the package and quickly went back in without reading the sender's name.
And then I opened it up and it had a phone's battery.
My sis-in-law sent her phone's battery and asked me to buy and send her a replacement.
Feels fucking bad, man... -
Me: I'm quite good at C programming language
Also me: Checks man page for library functions' information6 -
Shit, loads to do, but I have man flu. I can't concentrate for more than a few minutes. I've decided to abandon all hope of doing anything today. Daytime TV, how shit you are, sometimes shit is exactly what I need.2
-
Just started reading The Mythical Man-Month, and already in the first two chapters I went "oh hey this [fatal flaw in planning] sounds familiar!"
Is this a good or a bad sign...?6 -
Me: Too many deadlines
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man.
.
.
Me: no_gf.jpeg
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: errors_on_errors.avi
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: depression.gif
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: hot_intern.69
Him: miss me ?
Me: *evil_smile_as_i_finally_gripped_my_dick_in_my_hand*5 -
I haven't killed a process in a long time so I typed, "man kill".
Why do I feel so triggered right now?3 -
I love working as one-man army in multiple projects. Just love.
I got sick, stayed in bed for a week and now, after getting back to work, everything went to shit. And there's no one but me to fix the whole mess.
Yay.1 -
Used to Google all my `man` pages... Don't really know why. Formatting maybe. Then I typed `man date`... I use `man` for my `man` pages now.3
-
When you learn to work with unix but you forget what "man" stands for because english is not your native language so you man man...
Its "manual" btw... -
Meh-man has an interview later.
Meh-man is in a very rut and shitty mood since Monday.
Meh-man feels like he should care, but fuck everything.
Meh-man feels meh.7 -
That time when I was extracting a 50GB archive and it failed at 99% :'(
Hope it was just 10 seconds though...
It was way, waaaaay more...
2 -
You know when your one man project has come along so far that it suddenly is more fun to use it than develop it. How do you guys muster up the discipline to keep working towards the goal?5
-
anyone else get second thoughts about their bank when they see this kind of message after logging in?
"Online Banking is unavailable
We are really sorry we are preventing you from completing your banking today. Our technical teams are aware and actively investigating. Please know they are working hard to restore service as soon as possible.
Please call us at 123-456-7890 for banking assistance or information."
er... what?2 -
|----------------------------------------------------|
| FALSE(1) User Commands |
| |
| NAME |
| false - do nothing, unsuccessfully |
|----------------------------------------------------|
My daily activity summed up in a linux command man page. -
You give a man a fish and he can feed himself for the day. You teach a man to use Blind, and he will buy organic fish from whole foods for a lifetime.
- Joma1 -
Nice man page, I quote:
$ git help whatchanged
'[...] The command is kept primarily for historical reasons; fingers of many people who learned Git long before git log was invented by reading Linux kernel mailing list are trained to type it. [...]' -
!dev at all, but I just had to share it with someone. I know I'm quite late to the party here, but hey, I might not be the only one walking in darkness here...
Anyway! I just came over this cover of Sound of Silence by Disturbed. It fucking floored me! How the fuck is a man supposed to keep up his dogma induced stonewall when someone creates something so fucking beautiful? This cover is truly an epic recording of what was already an amazing song, but not something you'd play on repeat.
Add some metal to the mix and man...! I can't hear it enough... Drives the wife crazy :D
Enjoy!
https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4
PS! Do watch the video, crank up the volume and relax. Oh, and use real speakers or a decent headset at least somewhat capable of tickling your spine :P -
I'm overhearing two engineers agree that integration tests are enough and unit tests with mock data are unnecessary while the project has problems figuring out what components are critically misbehaving.
-
In the factory of the future, there will be only robots, but also one man and one dog.
The man will feed the dog, and the dog will keep the man away from robots.12 -
!Rant
Today I figured out how to cache the 'node_modules' folder on all my CircleCI builds, which cut the build time by 4 minutes, about 60%!
👍🍰
-
Hey! I wrote "Memories of writing a parser for man pages" what do you think about it?
https://monades.roperzh.com/memorie... -
Ryan Dahl working on Deno is one of the current interesting projects that I have been following.
Initially, the dude was trying to use Golang and is currently migrating to cpp and rust since Golang is a gc language. Nothing wrong with that really. I am just excited to see what this man comes up, and Typescript as the main language? Fuck yeah.
This shit js gonna be bomb af. Happy to see him talk to openly about his flaws when building Node, which was still a massive success and a true game changer for a lot of people(me included) and I believe that Deno will repeat this. It already has 24k stars on Github and tracking the repo has become very interesting! I just wish i had the cpp/rust knowledge needed to help out with it.3 -
So it me again and loviing my life at this tech startup..... i feel like I'm actually achieving something thogh at a slow pace
I know i can give out more to this startup.....but there is this 1 manager in our technical department......FUCK the old man thinks he knows everything and so damn arrogant.... at one time he made a fucking simple error which was fucking obvius but the man you cant tell him anything
if anything goes wrong or if anything isnt working the FUCKING old man is quick to throw the blame on people which i feel isnt supposed to be a mind set of some1 in the technical department..... I get it yes sometimes it will be the person making errors but even when you do it right and its not coming out as its supposed to be the damn OLD FUCKING MAN says you are doing it wrong.....then he steps in and bang....it fels and he'll be like "WHAT? HOW WHATS GOING ON...."
and me silently will be like MAKE IT WORK FUCKING OLD GENIUS
I cant even bring in new ideas and systems into the company......hell be like WE ALREADY HAVE SYSTEMS IN PLACE.... guess what..... no fucking system is being used -
Every-time you build a solution on ASP.NET. The session get's destroyed like WTF man. I'know what's causing it but still WTF man.
-
I still wonder why there's this "a man writes more optimised code than compiler" stuff. Why?
Compiler is automated work, in the worst case it should be able to create multiple e.g. asms and compare the time, right? You can dump all instructions into compiler, it should be able to choose the right one even if it would compile whole days, right? You can't be possibly serious with such a statement.
No "time" arguments, please.2 -
See a trick question,
There is always a man of the match in Football.
There is always a man of the match in cricket.
Therefore, there will also be a man of the match in tenis.
Comment below.2 -
It took 8 million years for a monkey to evolve into a man. But still, a monkey went to space before a man.
-The Internet2 -
Co-worker: I started having this issue like two weeks ago.
Me: Two weeks ago? Why are you only telling me now?
Co-worker: I dunno. I just stopped using <program> and worked around it.
Me: Thanks for the notice, man. That helped me tremendously /s -_-
FUCKING PUT IN A TICKRT OR TELL ME THAT THERE IS AN ISSUE. -
Gals in devRant, are there some ways woman expresses her friendliness towards man when she is not necessarily attracted to him? When is she attracted and when she is not?4
-
Linux seems to be single man because whenever I enter women in terminal it says "women not found" and when I ask
man java
He answers my question. :D -
"I am Iron Man"
lol
it really feels like this.....only the true "Code-runners" can understand this...
kek
4 -
Fuck its le craxy bean man monster fuck dude shit fuck my pants i mean pls no but go away bwan man monster bubbbbbbs dsmdlkdbs :'(((((((((-(((-(-(-(-(-?-?-?
peace *@*
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