Interviewer: "Show me a cool side-project you have been working on!"

Me: "No! I do not have a cool side-project to show you! I work to pay the bills, and do other things in my spare time! Like go fishing, or play video games. Why the fuck are you assuming that I spend my weekends coding for fun!? Do you call random people asking them questions every Saturday and Sunday just for the LOLs of it?"

During a penetration test, I was dropped off in a Navy SEAL Ranger Black Hawk helicopter on the top of a 300 story building. I repelled to the 150th floor with fishing line, carved out a window, and installed Kali on the office door knob. I then typed out l337 HTML code in notepad and gained access to the mainframe. Then, some guy named John McClane wouldn't stop asking me for advice as I roped down the elevator shaft cable. I then walked outside, got my shoe shined, and the CEOs daughter came up to me saying she wants to take me to dinner because I'm the most l337 of the l337.

Today I got kicked out of a sports store in a city that I'm not from on Black Friday for *allegedly* walking onto the putting green and teeing off a little foamy practice ball with a 3 wood.

There were a lot of accusations(which was pretty ironic considering I *may* have).

My main defense is that I honestly didn't think I was talented enough for it to end up in hunting & fishing on the other side of the store.
On the plus side I may have found a new hobby outside of developing

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.

Give a man teh codez, and he eats for a day. Congrats, you fed a help vampire.

Teach a man teh codez, and you open up to him the wonderful world of tabs vs spaces, dependency hell, emacs vs vim, being everybody's personal tech support, Linux vs Windows, legacy code, stack overflow, language wars, terrible documentation, functional vs oop, and arguments about what the best indentation style is. Forget about eating, production's down.

Worst exp. on a collab/group project?

Had a few, here is one.

Worked with a dev team (of two devs) in Norway to begin collaboration on providing a portal into our system (placing orders, retrieving customer info, inventory control, etc)

They spoke very good English, but motivation was the problem. Start the day around 10:00AM...take a two hour lunch...ended the day at, if I was lucky, 4:00PM (relative to Norway time). Response time to questions took days, sometimes weeks. We used Skype, which helped, but everything was "Yea...I'll do that tomorrow...waiting on X....I have a wedding to go to, so I'll finish my part next week."

I didn't care so much, I had other projects to do, but the stakeholders pounded me almost everyday demanding a progress report (why aren't you done yet...etc..etc.)
The badgering got so bad I told the project owner (a VP) if he wanted this project done by the end of the year, the company would have to fly me to Norway so I personally push things along.
When real money was on the line, he decided patience was warranted.

A 3 month project turned into 9, and during a phone meeting with the CEO in December
O: "Thanks guys, this project is going great. We'll talk again in February. Bye."
PM: "Whoa...what! February!"
<sounding puzzled>
O: "Um..yes? It's Christmas time. Don't you Americans take off for Christmas?"
PM: "Yes, but not until Christmas. Its only December 12th. Your taking the whole month of December and January for Christmas?"
O:"Yes, of course. You Americans work too hard. You should come over here and see how we celebrate. Takes about a month so we can ease back into the flow of things."
<Jack is the VP>
PM: "Jack wanted this project completed by the end of the year, that is what everyone agreed to."
O:"Yes, I suppose, but my plane is waiting on me. Not to worry, everything will be fine."
<ceo hangs up>
PM: "Oh shit..oh shit..oh shit. What are you going to do!?"
Me: "Me!?..not a darn thing. Better go talk with Jeff."
<Jeff is the VP>
J: "This is unacceptable. You promised this project would only take a few months. I told you there would be consequences for not meeting the deadline."
PM:"But..but...its not our fault."
J: "I don't care about fault. I care about responsibility. I've never had to fire anyone for not meeting a deadline, but .."
Me: "Jeff, they are in Norway and no one is working this project for the next two months. You've known for months about them dragging their asses on this project. We're ready to go. Services have been tested and deployed. Accounting has all the payment routing ready. Only piece missing is theirs."
J: "Oh. OK. Great job guys. I guess we'll delay this project until February."
<leave the office>
PM: "Holy shit I'm glad you were there. I thought I was fired."
Me: "Yea, and that prick would have done it not giving a crap that it's Christmas."
<fast forward to Feb>
O: "Our service provider fell through, so I'm hosting with another company. You guys know PHP? Perl? I don't know what they called it, but it sounded so cool I bought the company."
PM: "You bought what? Are we still working with Z and B?"
O:"Yea, sort of. How's your German? New guy only speaks German."
PM: "Um, uh... no one here speaks German"
O:"Not to worry, I speak German, French, and Italian. I'll be your translator."
PM: "What? French and Italian?"
O: "On my trip to France I connected with a importer who then got me in touch with international shipper in Italy. I flew over there and met a couple really smart guys than can help us out. My new guy only speaks German, J only speaks French, and R speaks Italian, Russian, and a little English. Not to worry, I'm full time on this project. You have my full attention."

We believe the CEO has/had some serious mental issues, including some ADD. He bailed within the first month (took another vacation to Sweden to do some fishing) and left me using Google Translate to coordinate the project. Luckily, by the end, the Norwegian company hired a contractor from England who spoke German and hobbled together the final integration.

Be careful...

Ever want to smack someone in the face with a sea bass? Like left out of the water for 3 days with all kinds of juicy and smelly goodness?
When we get an X number system errors, an email is sent to our team. Couple of hours ago I had to move the alerts from one system to another, re-naming some because I suck at naming things. I guess when I copied, I duplicated one. About an hour ago we get a system alert (as it should, there was a server hiccup) and there were two emails with the same data (just named differently)
DevA: “Why are there two emails?”
Me: “Oh, that’s me. I think I copied the alert instead of move. I’ll fix it tomorrow.”
DevA: “Hmm, but the data is the same. It’s a duplicate.”
Me: “Yea, I know. Networking responded and said it’s fixed. We won’t get another email.”
- 15 minutes later
DevA leans over and says to the boss (who was in a meeting and just sat down)…
DevA: “I looked at the alert, it’s duplicated, but the name is different. I don’t understand why.”
Me: “Like I said, the alert is duplicated. When I migrated, I copied instead of moved. No big deal.”
DevA: “Oh …oh ..yea.…OK.”
- 5 minutes later
DevA: “I looked at the query, we might have to add a filter to prevent duplicate emails. Probably some logic problems in the search.”
Me: “I just deleted the duplicate alert.”
DevA: “Oh…OK…that fixes it too.”

Good lord…as I was typing this, he just told another dev the ‘duplicate’ emails were because of a logic bug in the search. I’m getting my fishing pole.

While browsing friend finding apps I realized that I'm actually a lame person.

Wow. Thanks technology. Defo needed that leg up to the noose. 😒

!dev

Ive been looking for a hobby for years but nothing is interesting enough.. i lose interest within a few hours (besides cars but thats expensive so i only work on it very once in a while).

But now everything changed.. I was looking for something that keeps my mind busy but I was soooo bored those last months that I went fishing just to get outside..
turns out my new hobby is the opposite of what i was looking for.. fishing and completely turn off my brain.. its so calming to just be alone in the nature and do a very simple task, thowing out and pulling in with a chamce of catching a nice dinner.. try-catch basically..

assembled my first custom rod today, i kept in mind what i liked about certain rods and then put the best of each of them into my own rod..

if youre stressed and and introvert you should try it..

havent been that calm in years..

"Cooking a sausage over a bonfire is a bit like fishing in hell."

The shit you come up with when stoned...

Welp. My mental health is down the drain.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but I am well aware of the situation. I can't even bring myself to sleep on a proper time frame, and depression is crawling back like an abusive ex.

There. Complete failure. Where do I sign out for this life?

Footnote:This is not fishing for attention, more like ranting in the void. (or trying to) Apologies to the one who I should've probably talked to about this, but never did.

The more I hear about algorithms creating political bubbles the more I start to think about if I'm in one. Its crazy how as soon as you watch certain types of content you get a lot of political stuff. Eg. watch fishing and outdoor stuff and soon you will find a lot of conservative politics in your feed.
I feel like the science and engineering side has been mostly untouched, but on this topic people are more clever to hide a political agenda. Theres a lot of content that shows if we can do something and almost none whether we should do it. So we have a lot of unaware people that are pushing tech without understanding the deeper consequences of their agenda. I get the feeling of a trend, that a lot of people, sometimes myself included, don't do much thinking about the things they know and simply let others do the processing. Any new information then gets stored and never processed.

TLDR: Fuck you, take the time to read it or get lost!

Today I experimented a bit with Dockerfile's.
Was quite surprised how far you could go with a spicy salsa of ARG, ENV, SHELL and multi stage builds.

But... For fucks sake....the debugging is like poking a light year long rod into a black hole, trying to fish something out of the event horizon....

In the end I got a nice setup for Java build's, version injectable with ENV/ARG, non root user and version specific behaviour.

As the debugging is non existing...

I filled up more than once my SSD....

It was an annoying brain damaged repetitive cycle of changing Dockerfile, pruning all images if docker build stopped because of missing free space, waiting for all stages to complete, start new.

And caching is a fragile thing that puzzles me .........

Guess more fishing tomorrow.

*Gives a happy deep throat to the beer bottle in hope of death*

Move to the middle of nowhere with no computers and live by fishing and hunting

So, depression, yeah?

Two good days of work in a row, and on the third, I sleep late and think during sleep and throughout the night, wake up tired and feel shitty and feel a crash-burn in my feelings. (or whatever you want to call it. Burnt out? Tired? Exhausted? Lonely?) So now I have the rest the optimizing sql bullshit project and a paper to finish, plus I need to work more on the thesis. And ofc, work itself.

Everything feels so gloomy.
I know it gets better, but feeling shit doesn't help either.
Anyways, I'm fishing for attention this time so gimme your good vibes! 🙂

!dev

Look what I'm fixing to say is gonna make seem like a cunt and it'll probably be deserved but at the same time, I think it should be said too.

The increasingly high number of people fishing for compliments and attention because of their CHOSEN profession being important in the current times is starting get old as fuck.

I've seen so many people fishing for compliments; rather it be medical workers or truck drivers because their job is more important now than usual.

Like don't get me wrong, they're all necessary for society to function. But for crying out loud y'all chose this profession for yourselves. You knew this could happen whenever you decided to go to school for your job. You don't hear server admins bragging and fishing for attention whenever they restore access to a service.

Just do your job, know that everyone appreciates what you're doing even if it's not being verbally said, and let it end there. Personally feel that if you went into the medical field for the praise and recognition, then you went in there for the wrong reason.

Anyways, y'all stay safe and let's get this shit show over with already. Ya boy is going insane

Choosing ReactNative for my project. Nothing works or compiles. Each fix breaks something. I'll go fishing...

So im pretty sure I made the biggest/dumbest fuckup for the year already...
Deleting the majority of our RHEL server's root partition.

Blonde mistake for sure.

Technically i didn't actually delete it... just fucked up the block device so it's no longer recognised as existing.

I could go fishing for data and put it back together... but since i have the boot par and all the uset account configs... plus i actually documented all remarkable server updates cuz im trying to get better at the whole 'having a team' thing... im just gonna play it safe and go through it all like old school video games when you die right before the checkpoint so you need to go through the same paths again and again... but not too fast or youll fuck up somewhere easy and itll drive u nuts when u gotta reiterate again.

@jestdotty here you go. Always saying I just mention positives about myself... cant get much worse than this.

Don’t ring me up all nasty asking why these other domains that you never told me about don’t “work”... and you don’t have dns access ‘cos you don’t know what it is and I need to speak to some geezer from another company that you fired. FUCK OFF, now I have to do some whois fishing to find out the shit you are blaming me for.

Took a week of PTO for a vacation because I'm pretty close to spent these days. Planning on getting in some kayaking and fishing I think, maybe some noodling on the guitar or read some Tolkien, as I really need to take a break from the computer and screens in general, and living in the latest COVID epicenter in the US I can do fuck all else.

I'm /really/ trying to force myself to ignore slack and work emails. I did all I could to leave my team prepared, and given that most are juniors who need A LOT of supervision since working remote, I fully anticipate having to fix everything and get shit back on track when I return next week. Telling myself it's inevitable so worrying about it now won't be any better than waiting till next week. LEARN TO READ CODE AND COMMIT HISTORY FUCKERS!

I know I have a full workload slated for the rest of the year and into Q1 21, so I know letting shit go for a little while is the best thing I can do for myself, and so that my family doesn't have to deal with me being a bastard all the damn time.

I’m becoming really frustrated working with my current project. It’s like someone’s dog ate the requirements and all stakeholders are on a different page on what’s needed/wanted. I’m fishing for the info I need and try to decipher the vagueness I get. I know I could just call a meeting and try to get us all on the same page there - but I’ve been in a few meetings with this specific lot of people, and I know it’s just going to end up in much more confusion...

I decided to run Ethernet to a different part of the house figuring oh that's easy enough, only 30 feet or so, I bet it will take 20 mins....

3 hours later after spending 2 fishing wire through an Arizona attic I am dehydrated and sore. When will I learn to stick to coding and leave the labor to guys with callused hands and ladders.

The joy when tools do not have machine parseable output.

I'm looking at you SBT. My favorite pile of poo.

Remove the logging level from each line, then trim the line, then stab around inside the line with regexes, fishing for a possible match which hopefully is right...

Then stripping scala information like the object type, cause yeah...
A line can be for example "[info] Vector(File(...),File(...))" where info is the log level, Vector the wrapping sequence type, File(...) the wrapping element type and the string inside File(...) what yours truly needs.

As this is lot of shitty shabby string stabby stabby, we need to add a fuckton of boiler plate validation cause who knows what we just murdered.

To make it even more fucked up, a multi project project can produce different output for the same key.

:-)

Yeah. So we need to fix that too.

By the way, one can set log output to unbuffered in SBT.

Then the output is in random order :-)

Isn't that fun? Come on, you wanna poke that pile of shit, too.

The SBT plugin way is by the way no alternative, as I need a full Java environment for execution.

Which brings me to the last point:

For fucks sake, writing CLI applications in Java is so much bloody boilerplate code.

There's ugly and then there's the "please kill me" kind of level.

50 lines just to write a basic validation of argc / argv with commons cli.

That's 6 lines in python. Not kidding. :(

I currently hate everything.

Moments where the job sucks: When you have to hotwire two electric cables with high currency by giving both cables the blowjob of your life.

Some people go fishing, others are into fitness, and some like to go hunting. Me? I'm running late for work 😖

Alright, so. If you had themes and things you would like to see in a cyberpunk novel what would they be? I already have corporate surveillance gone haywire, a neutered yet corrupt government, an active police state, and cyborgs. Protagonist is an on the grid citizen who is an off the grid hacker.

Haven't been on devRant much lately because of all the urgent problems my clients are throwing at me...

aight lets code

youtube: "Fishing Cat: The Cat That Hunts Underwater"

me: what?!

You suffered a plane crash above the ocean, only you and one other passenger survived. You get washed up on a deserted island.

As you wake up, you realize they woke up before you. You look around and find them sitting on a huge pile of coconuts. While you were unconscious, they went around and collected every single coconut. There is no food on the island other than coconuts.

Of course, you can resort to fishing, but according to statistics 9 out of 10 startup fishermen die of hunger. Coconuts are your only realistic chance of survival.

You ask them "Can you give me some coconuts, please?".

They say "Sure, I can give you some coconuts, if you suck my dick."

Will you suck a coconut man's dick? ©

Fucking windows updates...

Went to do a job on a tank in 18 deg F Weather with snow on the ground. One guy brought an ice fishing tent (very nice). This is next to petroleum tank. We got guys on top of tank waiting for me to get data using a Windows 10 lappy.

Lappy comes up and tries to get into bios to do a firmware update. WTF! I reboot and it does it again! Go to look for power adapter as it wont do update without power. Not in bag. It has to have power to do update.

So I drive back to shop (with guys waiting on top of tank) which is 5 miles away. I am pissed. Its snowing and I have to drive slow. I find that adapter. I get back to the tank and plug it in. The AC source (battery based) starts alarming as the lappy takes too much power. Fuck! But somehow it boots Windows without doing firmware update. Fuck you Windows!

I get my job done, but don't fucking trust windows at all. Had this been a field tech he would be pissing his pants. Useless shitty software you have zero control over. Now considering changing their OS to Linux for field work. I am rewriting their software anyway with something can run Windows or Linux.

I somehow highly doubt the effectiveness of this treatment... if it did work I'm pretty sure we would all have baby faces with the amount of RF signals we're exposed to in a day. Do you think there is any legitimacy to this claim?

If one had a application named "Sea",
Would "Fishing" mean debugging, or making bugs? :thinking-face:

What’s going to f up my career from here on out is Git. I’m constantly needing assistance from others with it because I can never keep everything straight in my head with what’s going on “in there”. It’s always getting tangled up like old fishing line and I just have to cut the line and start fresh again. I honestly feel so stupid compared to other people who don’t have a problem with it. My brain just can’t keep track of all the different states local, branches, and master can be in at any given time, and across more than one developer. I’m probably alone so, yeah, go ahead and roast me. I probably deserve it for being so perpetually gobsmacked by it all.

My project starting time (in debug) is so long (around 2 minutes) I have time to go fishing in WoW.

Me : Hey what are you doing there? (Asking the Mr.X who is sitting near the pond)

Mr.X : I was fishing..

Me : But I don't see any fishing tackle there.

Me : out of curiosity, I walked over to him and asked how many he had caught.

Mr.X : I collected 2 of my friends creds

Me : what 🤔!!

Me : Finally I reached near to the pond and found that he was really "phishing"

I hate when QA Testers do it's thing. They always fishing my mistakes 👿👿

I just spent the last half-hour fishing a bug that happened to be caused by excessive react code lately. 😭😭😭
I wrote onSubmit in a vanilla JS file rather than onSubmit😭😭😭😭

Hello fellow devranters,
I never thought I'd make a post like this but I need your help/opinion.

My thesis work is about to get published, I worked on a C++ software that solves what we call equivalent reactor network models (basically, different ideal chemical reactors interconnected in various ways). This extends an ecosystem in my research group that is OpenSMOKE, and every collateral applications usually follows a xxxSMOKE naming scheme.

I came up with NodusSMOKE (Nodus is Latin for fishing net) first but it doesn't feel right. Other names I came up with are LinkSMOKE or NetworkSMOKE.

I believe here I might find people who are much more creative than me. I kindly ask your help my dudes.