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Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
...
...
...
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9 -
PM: You know that screen that pops up at the start of the app asking for permission to access health data?
Me: Yeah the iOS HealthKit permission screen. What about it?
PM: Can you take that out. I don't think people are going to agree to it. I want people to use the app.
Me: Well we can't do that, apple says if we want to use HealthKit we have to ask for permission. We shouldn't be touching that data without permission anyway.
PM: Oh no permission is fine I get that, but is it not implied by downloading the app, its clearly a health app. I really don't want people to download it and then uninstall it because they don't like this.
Me: Not really, not everyone will know what data is needed, some of it might be sensitive to them.
PM: Nah I don't buy into that. I asked 5 of my friends on the golf course at the weekend and 3 of them said they wouldn't agree to it, thats 60% of our user base, we can't have that.
Me: ... ok, well I don't agree that your 5 friends is a fair sample to judge the whole world by, either way we have no choice.
Pm: No this isn't going to fly, can we not build our own HealthKit that doesn't have this kind of permission screen? Maybe we could start our own, and invite our partners to use it?
Me: ... no
Pm: why not? We'll have legal draw up something we put in the terms and conditions.
Me: ... it will take months to build for all the different types of devices we have, if they even let us get access to them, and then we will have a different standard to everyone else.
Pm: ... no your not seeing the big picture, i'll run the idea up the ladder.
**It was approved up the ladder, and subsequently cancelled when they realised the scale of the work involved which is both a "thank god" and a "wtf" moment**7 -
And, the other side, husbands 😂
——————————————————–
Dear Technical Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. The new program also began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
——————————————————–
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: ” C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support3 -
More sysadmin focused but y’all get this stuff and I need a rant.
TLDR: Got the wrong internship.
Start working as a sysadmin/dev intern/man-of-many-hats at a small finance company (I’m still in school). Day 1: “Oh new IT guy? Just grab a PC from an empty cubicle and here’s a flash drive with Fedora, go ahead and manually install your operating system. Oh shit also your desktop has 2g of ram, a core2 duo, and we scavenged your hard drive for another dev so just go find one in the server room. And also your monitor is broken so just take one from another cubicle.”
Am shown our server room and see that someone is storing random personal shit in there (golf clubs propped against the server racks with heads mixed into the cabling, etc.). Ask why the golf clubs etc. are mixed in with the cabling and server racks and am given the silent treatment. Learn later that my boss is the owners son, and he is storing his personal stuff in our server room.
Do desktop support for end users. Another manager asks for her employees to receive copies of office 2010 (they’re running 2003 an 2007). Ask boss about licensing plans in place and upgrade schedules, he says he’ll get back to me. I explain to other manager we are working on a licensing scheme and I will keep her informed.
Next day other manager tells me (*the intern*) that she spoke with a rich business friend whose company uses fake/cracked license keys and we should do the same to keep costs down. I nod and smile. IT manager tells me we have no upgrade schedule or licensing agreement. I suggest purchasing an Office 365 subscription. Boss says $150 a year per employee is too expensive (Company pulls good money, has ~25 employees, owner is just cheap) I suggest freeware alternatives. Other manager refuses to use anything other than office 2010 as that is what she is familiar with. Boss refuses to spend any money on license keys. Learn other manager is owners wife and mother of my boss. Stalemate. No upgrades happen.
Company is running an active directory Windows Server 2003 instance that needs upgrading. I suggest 2012R2. Boss says “sure”. I ask how he will purchase the license key and he tells me he won’t.
I suggest running an Ubuntu server with LDAP functionality instead with the understanding that this will add IT employee hours for maintenance. Bosses eyes glaze over at the mention of Linux. The upgrade is put off.
Start cleaning out server room of the personal junk, labeling server racks and cables, and creating a network map. Boss asks what I’m doing. I show him the organized side of the server room and he says “okay but don’t do any more”.
... *sigh* ...20 -
Swag store feature request:
I can't wear any of the shirts at work with current dress code rules. Any chance we could get some polos or golf shirts with a small, embroidered ":/" on it?
I'd buy a week's worth of those.3 -
I heard this joke a long time ago and I've tried getting laughs ever since. I swear I won't give up trying.
A priest, a surgeon and an engineer are going golfing on a Saturday. The golf club owner says the court is unavailable - on Saturdays the golf course is in use by a group of firemen who lost their eyesight while rescuing golf club members out of the club house a year back. The surgeon exclaims "that's awful! I'll arrange a fundraiser, maybe we can help improve their eyesight." The preacher folds his hands and states "my communion will include them in our prayers." The engineer is silent for a moment, then asks: "Can't they just play at night?"8 -
Professor in Programming 1 & 2, 54 years old, divorced, has two kids in our age, golf player
Every time, he came in, we started with the lecture, than he started to talk about politics, greta, the stupid young people, specially the women, always the women. While he was talking to himself or asking us students very personal questions to judge us and recommend how we should do it better, he was talking himself into rage. We never learned something about cs or java longer than 10 minutes, the other long hours he only talked and talked about personal stuff or politics.
One day he asked us about the method of training a dog. You train a dog with pushing his face into his own pee. Than he said with us it is more difficult and that if he would be allwoed he would use methods like this and other very effective stuff on us.
He always starts his emails with
Dear humans
To make fun about gendering.
Another day a student came 1 minute to late, the prof stopped talking became very angry, first he went to a armchair and was sitting there for 15 minutes without saying a word, than he left without a word the room for 30 minutes and when he came back we had to listen to one of his monologues for some hours like usually.
And these are only some samples, he always acted like a little kid, but our university is very poor and i dont think they can effort a better professor for this.9 -
Today I got kicked out of a sports store in a city that I'm not from on Black Friday for *allegedly* walking onto the putting green and teeing off a little foamy practice ball with a 3 wood.
There were a lot of accusations(which was pretty ironic considering I *may* have).
My main defense is that I honestly didn't think I was talented enough for it to end up in hunting & fishing on the other side of the store.
On the plus side I may have found a new hobby outside of developing3 -
How it is to be a dev in my country?
At bit of an odd question this week.
For me (in the USA), it's being technical support for *every* website my family uses.
Over the weekend my wife visited her aunt and I get a call.
Wife: "How do I create an ebay account?"
Me: "I don't like where this is going. We already have an account."
Wife: "Not for me, dummy, Aunt T. She found some books she wants to buy on ebay."
Me: "You go thru the process to create an account? Email, name, password, etc."
Wife: "We tried that, but it's not working."
<few seconds of silence>
Me: "Oookaaay...why isn't it working? Is there an error?"
Wife: "I don't know, we already clicked off of it. Something about the email."
<few more seconds of silence>
Me: "Can you reproduce the error and tell me?"
Wife: "Uggh..are you serious? We've done it like 10 times, its not working. Just tell me what I need to do."
Me: "If you can't tell me the error, I can't help you. I'm not there and can't see what you see."
Wife: "Stop being an asshole."
<Aunt T takes the phone>
T: "Said something about using another email address. Does that help you?"
Me: "Are you sure you don't already have a ebay account?"
T: "No, I don't think so. I hate ebay. but I really want these books. I don't want the same problems as last time."
Me: "Last time?"
T: "Yes, I bought a coffee cup on ebay from China and it never arrived."
Me: "OK, so you do have an account?"
T: "I don't know, I mean, I never got the cup."
Me: "What email address did you use? I'll send a 'remind me' email so you can reset the password and login"
<go thru the motions, she is able to login>
T: "Ahhh...I do have an account! There are the golf balls I bought for <husband> for Christmas."
<face smack>
Wife: "Why didn't you do this from the start? I thought you knew a lot about computers. We basically figured this out ourselves. Goodbye!"
<click>10 -
My JS function is now lazy loading, expressive, and uses 12 fewer lines of code! 😃
It no longer works, but
... no one is perfect. 😅3 -
What a fucking year it's been.. and it's only the 4th.
Let's see, I've just split up with my girlfriend of more than 4 years (and she's still living with me), my car got whacked by golf ball sized hail stones (and it's not insured), my back verandah at home turns into a swimming pool with heavy rain (and SA is having record high rainfall this season), and I haven't slept since Sunday night.
FML. 🤦 I need a holiday after the holidays..7 -
In ancient times, a friend and I made a new website for a golf course, in exchange for free golf whenever we wanted it. We were traveling to Texas for work(we were Linux sysadmins for a defense contractor at the time) and found out that mechanical/logistic issues at the airport in Houston would delay our departure by two hours, but this wasn't until after the plane was fully boarded and had begun to taxi. So we sat on the tarmac at Kansas City Airport for two hours with nothing to do but release that website. We finished some perl hooks to site resources, and pushed the site live. This was on a laptop tethered to a phone with a CDMA data connection, before even EVDO was released.
Even so, it went great! I sshed into the server(running netBSD), swung over the necessary tags, and the site was up.
My workflow today is largely the same, just with git and a more elaborate .vimrc.10 -
Once got 3rd place in a company "code golf". It was open to any language or platform.
I built a functional minesweeper game in Excel with 600 lines of code, complete with color and animation.
The JavaScript version won with 342 lines.4 -
An ancient legend goes that there exists sacred knowledge that enables anyone possessing it not to turn one’s career into a constant uphill battle with the management.
I sought this knowledge, I travelled the world, to no avail. Once upon a time, I climbed the Mount Fuji and met the wizard in his pagoda on the mount. I won in a CSS-golf battle with him, and he revealed the sacred truth: one need to chose companies that do business instead of constant backroom deals and dick-measuring contests.
Like Prometheus, I give this knowledge to you. An ancient scroll says that for this I’ll be chained to the mountain of PHP legacy code, and HRs will peck my brain for eternity, but I found Arachne, the queen of HRs, and exchanged the keto-diet secret for freedom.1 -
Saw this on Facebook and couldn't help but share here! 😂
A young woman submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke…
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
’Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
Dear Desperate,
“First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.Good Luck!’
Good Luck!3 -
Alright, I'm grown up enough to admit it publicly: I DON'T LIKE GOING OUT TO PUBS OR OTHER DRINKING PLACES. Even if it's to take a company guest out for the night. Or a teambuilding. I don't care. If you're gonna meet up just to sip booze and talk about stuff, I won't be there.
It's boring
it's pointless
it means a shitty next day
it means a shitty rest of the evening [booze messing up sharpness of mind, no driving, etc]
it doesn't bring any value
it's not fun and it sure is not my cup of tea
taking the guest to play golf - sure. Take him to a range - blasts of fun! Horse riding - absolutely. Go-carts - hell yeah! Basicaly doing ANYTHING but sitting, getting dizzy, slowly losing control of my body and thoughts and sharing that experience with someone is a better way to take a guest/client out or have a teambuilding.
DO something. Not just sit and drink and slowly get stupider in front of someone.11 -
These were all the same person.
Filled a glove up with milk.
Got hold of a spray bottle cap, put it in a soda bottle, and was spraying other people.
Dropped a golf ball down some stairs.
He quit before he was fired. -
#justathought
There are 6 stages of an man's live that he wish for
1. Child phase and school phase : don't know what it was, can't remember mine
2. Teenage phase : study, exploring new areas, competition, body building, getting into relationships , breakups, dreaming, etc
3. Ambitious phase : getting graduate, changing jobs , lust for money, tensions, parties, ambitions, cars ,new houses , marriage, honeymoons and kids
4. Family settled phase : permanent job, nice salary, long family trips , fun time with kids, paid holidays, hardworking phase
5. No tensions settled phase : children getting graduate, marrying, trying to settle themselves, you and your wife having enough money or pension to live peacefully, you are playing golf with friends, doing excersize nd charity regularly, etc
6. Permanently settled phase : lie peacefully in your death bed and wait for eyes to close in sleep forever
..
..
..
..
..
What life gives : "fuck that shit... let's mix some of these stages, replace some of them with opposite/ negative stages and skip some of them"1 -
Started to clean up my projects and delete all my deprecated things and starting to shift focus to one - three projects at max...
Buying my first car (2005 VW golf 2L diesel)
Got a new job interview that they seem eager to meet me about...
Getting money under my belt and closer to buying a house....
Everythings coming up Alex :-D
(Knock on wood) -
The "Hot Network Questions" in the right side of every StackOverflow page.
Physics, Electronics, World building, Programming puzzles and code golf, Aviation, Skeptics... -
Back in 2006 I built a custom CMS for golf membership/community to manage tournament listings and registrations along with club news and social calendars. In 2008 I migrated that to Drupal 6 and continued to grow the site from there. Come 2010 I was raising flags about moving to Drupal 7. No. 2011, I recommend the move. No. 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 ...no, no, no. 2016 they complain that the site is old and they want more "management" capability (they had tons a capability). The get sold by some wizbang company and the fancy dancy CMS. I have to hear how great it is bla bla bla. That is until they start to use it. Turns out, it's not a CMS by any stretch of the imagination. They need to know HTML and a page's content in a single blob field. And content can't be repurposed across the site. I now just sit back and laugh at their pain.3
-
I watched nvidia gtc keynote today. Most of stuff was about how amazing their gpu is and how much processing power we need, oh really?
Self driving cars are most idiotic way to implement rail way system on top of complicated road traffic system from last century.
The real problem is and always was problem of last mile. We don’t do shit about it, just trying to reinvent same stuff by complicating things.
I started wondering if it would be cheaper to just put small electric golf cars on railroads next to highway with automatic parkings next to cities. We could then slowly replace highways with railroads and even stack rails on top of each other.
You just drive to parking with golf cart and it hops you to railroad with auto chargers. Traffic is predictable so you know exact hour when you hop out and can drive last mile to target destination. So fucking simple yet we need fucking computer and tons of scientists to solve problems we created by bringing idiotic movies ideas to life.
Well most of stuff we try to automate is done so shitty way that it’s in fact complicate.
Fortunately it’s not my problem.16 -
I have this guy at work who does pranks constantly, mostly towards his supervisor. Some of his more memorable ones:
- Placed a ballon at the wall behind the door + stuck a needle to the door in his supervisors office
- Hid a small speaker playing "happy birthday" nonstop inside the roof of his office
- Placed a box full of golf balls in our site manager's mail shelf, carved a hole in the box and waited.
- Threw an orange (yes, actual orange) at his supervisor, and hit him in the throat. Entertaining for everyone but them.1 -
How lawyers fuck up technology!
I rented a car today, given that I don't want to go by train currently. That was some VW Golf, and it had a lane assist which can't decide whether to be helpful or obnoxious:
Either I kept the steering wheel and still steered myself, in which case the lane assist's actions made the steering feel somewhat wobbly. Initially, I suspected a worn out control arm bearing, but that's a long term damage in aging cars, not in new ones.
Or I just rested my hands on my upper legs, as I usually do (palms facing upwards and holding the wheel lightly), then the lane assist worked by itself. It was even smart enough to deactivate itself upon blinking before changing lanes.
However, it complained after about 15 seconds that I didn't steer. I said, shut up and do your job. The warning intensified, and I said, fuck you. Then it initiated some stutter braking to wake me up. Annoying like a reincarnation of Clippy.
I ended up giving the steering wheel a slight tip to the right every 15, 20 seconds just to let the lane assist know I was still there, relying on the lane assist to correct it again. On a long trip, I would have had to deactivate that crap.
Obviously, the VW engineers did their job, but the legal department feared law suits should anything go wrong and ruined the feature!
What was also annoying is that there is no real hand brake anymore in many modern cars. Sucks when pulling off against a hill. Plus that at red traffic lights, I usually put the gear out (manual transmission) and pull the hand brake instead of keeping my foot on the clutch. That's not the same with this pseudo hand brake!
(In case you wonder why anyone would do that:
it's an anachronism that avoids lengthening the clutch wires, decades after cars switched to hydraulics.)12 -
!rant
I stumbled across this code golf the other day, I thought I had seen all of the esoteric languages... Then I saw Minecraft...
https://codegolf.stackexchange.com/...
3 -
Yesterday my boss bought a plastic mini golf set, which is like for 4 or 5 year olds. When he came back to the office couple of hours later he saw five grown man plays minigolf sitting(!) in the middle of the office, then he dared to say that we are childish. I still don't know what was his expectations when he bought that toy... Love this motherfucker :D
-
My biggest influence on coding style is working with other people's code. I know the temptation to write "clever" code and I've been (and probably still occasionally am) guilty of it myself, but it's not until you have to debug someones oneliner iterator which has !(i-j) as the stop condition that you start to appreciate dumb, boring, obvious code.
If having a series of if checks in a long list makes it readable, keep it that way. If it makes it more readable to rewrite it into a nested switchcase with a couple of ternary bits, go ahead. Just don't spend half a day wrapping it up into two layers of abstraction that will require an onboarding process for the rest of the team.1 -
I just love code-golf, I only started recently, but sometimes it's nice to fuck all coding conventions, missuse lazy evaluation and abuse scope leaking.
I'm normally really tidy with formating and whitespace placement, but code-golf is also a testing field for uncommen constructs and I think it can give deeper insights into a language.
I don't like languages specifically for code-golf though, these are just stupid and no fun (at least for me).1 -
Working for early-stage startup is like living with alcoholic father. Fuck lean startup mantra! Fuck any kind of bullshit about agility and business sustainability.8
-
Had bad depression on Friday and Saturday. Really really really bad. Like planning stupid shit bad. Stupid shit in my life. Whatever...
So my friend says he doesn't feel well unless he uses St. Johns Wort. I used to use it 10 years ago, but kind of forgot about it. It did help. Well now I use risperidone to manage depression with bipolar. I got some wort and took it sunday. Huge difference in 3 hours. Way TOO high response. I already posted about this before.
Today I go see Dr to check if this is okay. I told him I don't want to stop. It seems to have leveled out. He said risperidone with wort can produce mania. However, he said reduce amount of wort to 1 every other day. So it won't have as high of peaks. Cool cool. A solution that doesn't cost an arm and leg. Also a doctor who listens. We had a lot to talk about. I would golf with him if I knew how to golf. Yes, he is that cool.
He told me a funny thing last time I was there. He said you are old enough to need a prostate check, but they do them chemically now. Then he says, but for $20 we can work something else out. Anyway, I like him.
I also noticed before this that caffeine wasn't doing shit for me anymore. But today I had a low kick espresso coffee (1 cup). Wort + risperidone + caffeine is different world now. So I gotta be careful of caffeine now too.
For a long time I was so depressed and didn't realize it. I was hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I don't know how I got to this point. I have great things going for me. So I am making lists of warning signs I experienced when I was very low. Probably going to get some counseling too.
I knew I needed to improve things on some level, but no motivation to do so before this week. I bought a treadmill intending to connect it to my computer and control it. Treadmill has been sitting in a room at my house since january untouched. I keep buying electronics and never setting them up. I don't even know if they work. Just stupid shit like that.
If you are in the shit, then talk to someone. If you don't know you are in the shit then ask someone. If you have to shit all the time you are probably @b2plane.
Seriously people. You are worth the trouble of finding out how to fix your shit.
Anyway ManicOne out.
9 -
I have a weird love/hate relationship with JavaScript.
I'm not at all a webDev, but I like to use it occasionally because it's fun and I really like its syntax... but it's an absolute pile of shit.
If you put racing stripes and a spoiler on a golf cart, it's still a fucking golf cart.2 -
I just discovered the code golf stack exchange. I had no clue this even existed.
I am fascinated, scared, but fascinated.2 -
Today is just another one of those days. Having to take (paid) time off from work and play golf at Topgolf for the after noon, with free food and drink,with all my teammates. I love this company!
-
> code golf challenge
okay, listening
> easy for beginners
alright, nice, I qualify
> all code must be exactly the same forwards and backwards, >50% of bytes must be run both ways, must run under any OS or system ever made
welp, there goes any hope of being able to fit something into the rules at all
(if you're interested, https://n0.lol/bggp/)15 -
Today, in Temu's wild and crazy online store:
Clothing arms!
https://temu.com/at-en/...?
Me: What are these?
Temu: Wear them inside OR outside
Me: But what are they?
Temu: They come in lots of colours
Me: But what ARE they?
Temu: only 2.77
Me: What...do they keep your arms cool..or hot?
Temu: Yes!
Me: ...
Temu:...Better hurry...they're going fast...1 -
So... I got this “Bitshift Variations in C Minor” code golf to work on a Mac if anyone is interested: http://txti.es/bitshiftvariationsin...
Here is the original, which probably works on Linux: http://txti.es/bitshiftvariationsin... -
I think Windows giving you a Linux subsystem is like them tempting you with a Volkswagen golf, giving you a Skoda Fabia when you actually want Audi S3.
-
It was in the bakery of my dad, where we always could play this mini golf game on his IBM PC. I think it was on Win95.
-
!Rant
TL;DR - Getting married can lead to installing life malware.
MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....
A young husband wrote this to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 6.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0" or "even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,"
Systems Analyst.
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I'm not sure if this is a repost - if it is I apologise, but it's too good not to share.1 -
Get back into regularly maintaining OS projects I used to actively maintain.
And resume the daily Disc Golf Strong exercises/stretches. -
Not exactly a tip but do you know an app for quick-testing your skills in js, for intermediate-level, but with questions that are not too complicated (not code golf, though I like that too) so one can use it when commuting for instance ?1
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I just wanna be at the point in the future where I can play drinking sports like disc golf and smoke fat doinks for an entire week if I want to. I want to become a God.1
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Park View City Lahore:
Park View City Lahore is a distinguished residential community developed by Vision Group, strategically located near Multan Road in Lahore. Initially spanning 765 kanals, the society has expanded to accommodate a growing number of residents and investors.
Location and Accessibility
Situated adjacent to the Lahore-Multan National Highway, Park View City offers residents seamless connectivity to key areas of Lahore. This prime location ensures easy access to the city's major business districts and residential zones, making it a convenient choice for homeowners and investors alike.
Residential and Commercial Offerings
The society is meticulously divided into various blocks, each offering a range of residential and commercial plots:
Residential Plots: Available in sizes of 3.5, 5, 10, and 20 marlas.
Commercial Plots: Offered in 5 and 10 marlas
Notable blocks within the society include Crystal Block, Diamond Block, Executive Block, Gold Block, Golf Estate, Jade Block, Jasmine Block, Orchard Block, Overseas Block, Pearl Block, Rose Block, Sapphire Block, Topaz Block, and Tulip Block.
Legal Status and NOC
Park View City Lahore holds a No Objection Certificate (NOC) from the Lahore Development Authority (LDA), affirming its legal status and compliance with regulatory standards. This approval enhances the credibility of the project and assures investors of its legitimacy. Amenities and Facilities
The society is designed to provide a modern and comfortable lifestyle, featuring
24/7 Security: Ensuring the safety of residents with continuous surveillance.
Educational Institutions: Proximity to reputable schools and colleges.
Healthcare Facilities: Access to quality medical centers and hospitals.
Sports Complexes: Facilities for various sports and recreational activities.
Green Spaces: Parks and landscaped areas promoting a healthy environment.
Shopping and Dining: Commercial areas with a variety of retail and culinary options.
Payment Plans
Park View City Lahore offers flexible payment plans to cater to diverse financial capacities. For instance, the Royal Block features a 3.5-year installment plan, making property acquisition more accessible to potential buyers.
Market Overview
As of late 2024, the market for 5 marla plots in Park View City Lahore varies based on location and development status within each block. Prices are influenced by factors such as proximity to amenities and overall infrastructure development.
Investment Potential
With its strategic location, comprehensive amenities, and legal approvals, Park View City Lahore presents a promising opportunity for both investors and homebuyers. The ongoing development and expansion of the society indicate potential for property value appreciation in the future.
In summary, Park View City Lahore stands out as a well-planned residential community offering a blend of comfort, convenience, and investment potential in one of Lahore's prime locations.
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