"Bitcrack Recovery Experts"
How I imagine their logo to look:

Was replacing the water bottle at the water cooler. Thought it would be funny to make a cartoon about it being an office workout routine. Generated this image, but realized it could make a funny coding meme instead.

💩 Behold the true power of AI! 💩
💩💩 ChatGPT is just a shitpost enabler. 💩💩

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Lets assume you don't know anything about industrial protocols. You are also working for a very high profile and very technically inclined company. Your job is to figure out how to get data over a network interface using a specific standard port. The protocol in use is THE standard for information systems in the industry: opcua.

How much hand holding do you need?

I am actually shocked at the amount of technical ineptitude of the people we have interfaced with. How did they get in the door?

When I first started out in my industrial controls career I just read whatever manuals and websites I could find. Do people not do that anymore?

I want to scream: RTFM Mother Fucker!

This is so true. A month or two goes by and it is like learning certain pieces of code over again.

So my coworker was walking toward the door to leave today. I said, "Enjoy the next 24 hours." He stopped and said, "Why?". I laughed and said, "I was just saying 'Have a nice day.'"

Why does it sound so ominous when you say it like that?

During a safety meeting on Monday we talked about different potential emergency hazards in our area. One person mentioned Yellowstone National Park caldera. It is supposed to be one of the largest super volcanoes on Earth. I joked that it will be blowing up "next week". Everyone got a good laugh.

Then today a random person I share a chat with on a forum online said something. They said the mountain lions have been fleeing the park for a while. They said the bears are now fleeing the park.

I told Ed this. He laughed and said: "You shouldn't have said that." I said: "No shit..."

We will see how much spam I get I guess:

devrantfuckers @ demolishun dot com

You know what to do. I would hate to never talk to people here again. Well, at least the non-assholes. You know who you are! lol

So some dude posted about getting Erik the Slayer as a follower in Skyrim. He then proceeded to sacrifice Erik to the deadra Boethia. He humorously called him "Erik the Slayed". The r/Skyrim community started freaking out (I laughed personally) because Erik the Slayer was an actual TES fan that died of cancer. Bethesda honored Erik West by creating a character named after him. Erik never actually got to play Skyrim because he died before they released the game.

Consequently the dude got downvoted to hell. Some of the funniest shit happens on that sub.

https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wik... (look in Trivia section)

https://reddit.com/r/skyrim/...

So in Skyrim you can pickpocket people. However as the value of the item increases the success chance reduces. This is dependent upon skills and perks. The formula practically caps at 2100 or so, but the minimum chance of 1% caps at like 3500 or so. There is a trick around this.

You can sneak a potion of paralysis into someone's inventory and they will drink it. This allows for you to be able to succeed no matter the value of the item. I have decided to dub this method the: "Cosby Method".

Well, its been a ride folks!

If Javascript were a cereal.
(Yes, I realize how cursed this is. Been learning to make images with chatgpt.)

Ed is responsible for servers in the IT department at work. He is an electrical that does a lot of electronic/electrical design work. So IT concerns are not as high as his design work. Today we had a server fail due to aging hardware. We have another guy that handles IT stuff for Ed. So I went to the IT guy and said:

So I understand the server has Electronic Dysfunction. Is Ed having trouble keeping his server up?

Make Tide Pods Great Again

I feel like working with embedded compilers is like working in the dark ages sometimes. I end up doing things that are like black magic to just make things work:

union {
float infloat;
uint32_t outint;
} puneit;

As long as the compiler supports C99 this is supposed to work. I think even if you are using it as a C++ compiler. There is also no way for us to get a compiler from the vendor for our embedded chips to do this the C++ 20 way:

float ieee_float(uint32_t f)
{
return std::bit_cast<float>(f);
}

I am not even sure if the compiler I am using is C++ 11 compatible.

edit: okay, it supports C++ 11

No to crapple, yes to snapple.

Dark Humor

Lets try some seriously dark dark humor. Lets find what lurks in the hearts of men.

My Kid: I was adopted.
Me: We wouldn't have picked you.

Oedipus: <whilst banging his wife> You remind me of my mom.

What do you call Rock Hudson in a wheelchair?
Rollaids

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband before the launch?
You feed the dog, I will feed the fish.

Some I found from searching web:

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in 2 dumpsters.

If we had mosquito nets in Africa we could save millions of mosquitos from getting AIDS.

Down syndrome in military is called special forces.

Mom told me to eat my vegetables, now where do I put the wheelchairs.

Whoever thought white men can't jump obviously never watched the 9/11 footage.

So there is this discussion about killing children in code. Someone pops in with this:
"I do remember a post from a guy who actually got pulled into an HR talk, to ask why he'd littered the code with references to killing children and removing children from their parents. Imagine trying to explain to a person who's never programmed, that Kill(parent.child)is a perfectly standard phrasing and not a latent psychosis that should be reported to the police."

First I think who is the idiot that reported this? Then I think who is the HR idiot that didn't do a google search or talk to the software manager? So many people had to fail at basic thinking for this to get this far.

Then I think also. Two things can be true at the same time. The person writing this code could also harbor latent desires to kill children. But can hide their sickness in plain sight. CS could just be a place for psychopaths to talk about the true serial killer thoughts.

I was wondering what this would look like. Maybe the psycho programmer will allocate extra hidden children that will get created and destroyed without anyone knowing the better. Maybe they only need 10 children for the code, but they allocate 100. That is 90 children they can create and destroy that only they know about.

Is balancing a tree really about cycles to read the data? Or is this some sort of karma balancing with latent desires to add or remove children with different karma leanings? Linked lists? Obviously only a psychopath would make a singly linked list.

Then I read posts on devrant and think there is probably at least one psychopath here that looks up to Anakin. We know you are here! You can't hide forever.

Images images images!

So my towns 4th of July parade got rained on. It became the largest wet t-shirt contest I have ever seen.

It got a lot better toward the end as the rain let up. It ended up being a lot of fun this year. No sun burns either.

Interviewer: What do you want to be doing in 5 years?
Me: Your Mom

My coworker wanted to get some program from a website that requires a username/password to download. It is a utility program for controls automation. He didn't want to have to create a username/password so I said he could use mine.

I went over to his desk and read off the username to him which he entered. Then I started reading off the "password" to him:
"y o u r m o m i s a s l u t"
He got suspicious at the last few letters and then clicked on "show password" icon. He of course saw: "yourmomisaslut". At this point he just bust out laughing. I then gave him the correct password.