6
YourMom
1d

Had bad depression on Friday and Saturday. Really really really bad. Like planning stupid shit bad. Stupid shit in my life. Whatever...

So my friend says he doesn't feel well unless he uses St. Johns Wort. I used to use it 10 years ago, but kind of forgot about it. It did help. Well now I use risperidone to manage depression with bipolar. I got some wort and took it sunday. Huge difference in 3 hours. Way TOO high response. I already posted about this before.

Today I go see Dr to check if this is okay. I told him I don't want to stop. It seems to have leveled out. He said risperidone with wort can produce mania. However, he said reduce amount of wort to 1 every other day. So it won't have as high of peaks. Cool cool. A solution that doesn't cost an arm and leg. Also a doctor who listens. We had a lot to talk about. I would golf with him if I knew how to golf. Yes, he is that cool.

He told me a funny thing last time I was there. He said you are old enough to need a prostate check, but they do them chemically now. Then he says, but for $20 we can work something else out. Anyway, I like him.

I also noticed before this that caffeine wasn't doing shit for me anymore. But today I had a low kick espresso coffee (1 cup). Wort + risperidone + caffeine is different world now. So I gotta be careful of caffeine now too.

For a long time I was so depressed and didn't realize it. I was hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I don't know how I got to this point. I have great things going for me. So I am making lists of warning signs I experienced when I was very low. Probably going to get some counseling too.

I knew I needed to improve things on some level, but no motivation to do so before this week. I bought a treadmill intending to connect it to my computer and control it. Treadmill has been sitting in a room at my house since january untouched. I keep buying electronics and never setting them up. I don't even know if they work. Just stupid shit like that.

If you are in the shit, then talk to someone. If you don't know you are in the shit then ask someone. If you have to shit all the time you are probably @b2plane.

Seriously people. You are worth the trouble of finding out how to fix your shit.

Anyway ManicOne out.

Comments
  • 3
    eeee mania

    jelly of the treadmill

    supposed to get one. I got no job and no income so I don't buy anything but somebody wanted to unload one on me but then they had a wedding aaaa

    never seen programmable ones. the ones I saw online all seemed like Chinese photoshopped scams, too
  • 3
    You should find the dose that gives you the right boost to function but not too much you start getting high
  • 3
    ++ for the pic alone.

    I also have noticed the coffee doesn't have the same effect on me as it used to.

    > 'I keep buying electronics and never setting them up. I don't even know if they work.'

    I have that w/ older gaming systems. Packed them up when moving, haven't bothered unpacking them, yet. !enough room.

    Also games - some have been lying untouched for more than a decade, now.

    !enough hours in the day.

    Anyway, glad you're better now.
  • 4
    Did expect such thing as bipolar from you. Thanks for sharing.
  • 2
    *Looks at pile of PC parts in next room*

    (it's because the one part I need to set it up is over the instant write off level, and needs to be written of over 5 years, or I could get a cheaper/weaker one: 9950X3D (5 years) vs 9950X or 9800X3D (instant). And I think it would be better to go threadripper or other server grade CPU so it's well over the limit instead of by 50 or so bucks. The other choice is case or rack. Might also be a power issue since house is single phase, since I'd want to get some GPUs for it but not immediate concern)
  • 1
    @BordedDev I think this is for a different rant
  • 2
    @TeachMeCode he is looking at the parts like they are the pill bottle I think. The need to build a PC.
  • 3
    ...that 'Caffiene' typo on the bottle...
  • 3
    @TeachMeCode was just relating to the no motivation + buying electronics and planning to do a thing, then ranting on the annoyance of business write-offs
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