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My girlfriend is on phone, now over 3 hours complaining something about her friend, she doesn't suspect she is talking to my Google Assistant. Looks like my Google Assistant is doing pretty good.
"Mm-hmm."13 -
What the fuck!? Did you just fucking say you don't want to discuss API endpoints with me because I'm just a frontend developer? Get the fuck down from your imaginary backend throne and talk to me like the software engineer that I am. That's right, I'm a software engineer too, you fucking asshole. Just because you do backend and I do frontend doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And I swear that the next time you say you made all the work and I just have to "style it" I'll just leave. You can "style it" yourself.34
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An average day:
1. Start working on feature
2. Finish feature
3. Feature doesn't work
4. Spend 7 hours refactoring and fixing imaginary bugs
5. Add the 3 characters that were missing
6. Laugh and cry, laugh and cry...4 -
Math: the imaginary unit is i.
Electrical engineering: no, it's j.
C hacker: hands off my loop variables!13 -
The Irish minister Rudd said today (for the second time I think) that 'WhatsApp gives terrorists a safe place to hide and execute their activities. Might be a good idea in the future to ban encrypted chat apps'. (not literally like that but it's a good summary of her points)
Imaginary dialog:
"okay so encrypted chat apps help terrorists and criminals to execute their activities"
"Alright, let's ban water then!"
"Wait what why would you ban water?!? How will ordinary people be able to drink then?"
"Why would you ban encrypted chat apps? How will ordinary people be able to communicate securely?"
😐
😶
😮
😧
😓24 -
Interviewer: (asks technical question)
Me: (answers correctly)
Interviewer: Oh thank God, most of the people we interview fail to answer that. So, on another note do you believe in rubber duck debugging?
Me: yes, ofc
Interviewer: but it's just a toy you know
[I was kinda taken aback]
Me: ...
Me: God is imaginary too you know
Interviewer: (he just laughed)
(So I laughed with him) 😅12 -
Biggest scaling challenge?
The imaginary scaling issues from clients.
Client : How do you cope with data that's a billion times bigger than our current data set? Can you handle that? How much longer will it take to access some data then?
I could then give a speech about optimizing internal data structures and access algorithms that work with O(log n) complexity, but that wouldn't help, non-tech people will not understand that.
And telling someone, the system will be outdated and hopefully been replaced when that amount of data is reached, would be misinterpreted as "Our system can not handle it".
So the usual answer is: "No problem, our algorithms are optimized so they can handle any amount of data"6 -
I realize I've ranted about this before, but...
Fuck APIs.
First the fact that external services can throw back 500 errors or timeouts when their maintainer did a drunk deploy (but you properly handled that using caching, workers, retry handlers, etc, right? RIGHT?)...
Then the fact that they all speak a variety of languages and dialects (Oh fuck why does that endpoint return a JSON object with int keys instead of a simple array... wait the params are separated with pipe characters? And the other endpoint uses SOAP? Fuck I need to write another wrapper class around the client...)
But the worst thing: It makes developers live in this happy imaginary universe where "malicious" is not a word.
"I found this cloud service which checks our code style" — hmm ok, they seem trustworthy. Hope they don't sell our code, but whatever.
"And look at this thing, it automatically makes database backups, just have to connect to it to DigitalOcean" — uhhh wait...
"And I just built this API client which sends these forms to be OCR processed" — Fuck... stop it... there are bank accounts numbers on those forms... Where's that API even located? What company?
* read their privacy policy *
"We can not guarantee the safety of your personal data, use at your own risk [...] we are located in Russia".
I fucking hate these millennial devs who literally fail to get their head out of the cloud.
Somehow they think it's easier to write all these NodeJS handlers and layers around some API, which probably just calls ImageMagick + Tesseract on the other side.
If I wasn't so fucking exhausted, I'd chop of their heads... but they're like hydra, you seal one privacy breach and another is waiting to be merged, these kids just keep spewing their crap into easy packages, they keep deploying shitty heroku apps... ugh.
😖8 -
INTERVIEWER: "I see you put 'Mime' as a hobby - tell us more about that"
ME: **Tries to leave but is trapped in imaginary box**1 -
Why do HR people ask stupid questions like the following ones? Everytime I get those questions, I have imaginary answers like the ones right after each question.
Why do you want to work here?
- Obviously, because I need the money to survive. I'm not here because I love working for you and having to endure your stress. I'm not that type of a kinky person.
Are you flexible?
- Why? Do you want to annoy me when I'm sleeping in the middle of the night because of a sudden deadline or because a god damn employee didn't show up?
Do you see yourself as a perfect fit for both developer and tech support roles?
- Read my fucking resume, moron. I applied for a developer role. Nothing else.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
- As if you would care. It's none of your business, but since we are at it. I see myself as your manager in 5 years. Hope that you like that thought.
We didn't bother reading your CV. Would you like to tell us about yourself?
- Nope. Have a nice day and suck my dick. I'm leaving.
Can you give us your phone number and the phone number of your girlfriend?
- I didn't know that I am selling my soul to your company by accepting this job offer. I'm not your slave and you will not call me whenever I'm enjoying my private time.
What's motivating you?
- Money and the peaceful vibe at work when you are shutting the fuck up when I'm fully focused during my projects.
How do you handle stress?
- I dick slap everyone infront of me.
Do you see yourself as a hard worker?
- Nah, I'm not interested in sucking dicks, eating her ass and bending over to get a little bit of a raise.11 -
Having to argue with team members inside my head.
I have a one-man startup, so I have all these imaginary team members who specialise in different things so that I can concentrate on whatever I am doing for that day.
But it seems my developer side of me hates the manager and UX designer these days for making changes half way through the project.
Oh yeah, and my accountant side thinks I'm spending too much. Fuck you, I needed that money.4 -
I'm a shit programmer
I'm 29 and I assumed that by this point I'd be successful some way or another, either by being financially abundant or technically complex.
I am not, just mildly accomplished instead.
Here'a list of thing I consider challenges that I have:
* I tend to tunnel vision ideas that are terrible or execute them poorly because of said tunnel vision.
* I don't hone my skills, I usually consider my potentials the same as my actuals, as if I achieved everything already, probably product of ny huge ego.
* I communicate poorly with my boss, I sidetrack into thing he didn't ask
* I'm a mess when it comes to reading documentation online, I have the attention span of a fucking fish.
* I work alone, I have 0 networking status or skills.
* I take huge amounts of time to finish my side projects
* Of all the side projects I started I only finished one, the ones that I couldn't finish usually bevame insabely stressful things, so much and so many that I questioned myself many times if I should be a programmer or not.
* I have little discipline or organization, if I work in more than one thing at a time, i get really anxious and stressed.
I am not saying I'm not competent, I think I am (I'm looking at you imaginary scary recruiter googling this online), I'm just not really proud of myself26 -
Other: "You know the app you're going to develop for us?"
Me: "Yes."
Other: "Can you give me access to it so I can take some screenshots for writing the guidance?"
Me: "Err.. Well not really as it doesn't actually exist yet..."
Why do I have to deal with such people.3 -
So I ve been clinically depressed for about 10 years now. Been really great at hiding it. My illness and loneliness was so severe that i made up imaginary friends and that got so severe i couldn't tell what s real and what s not. Then about 5 years ago, i met a girl. As the cliche goes, everything felt better. Sunshine and stuff. I opened up to her. Shared stuff. I started becoming normal. The pain became bearable and manageable. Turned to entrepreneurship. Had goals and stuff. Had 7 failed startups but kept on going. Raised investment for an 8th. It went better than anyother. Was going to become the next big thing bla bla. She became the reason i turned from being a loner weirdo to someone awesome. Anyway, as nothing tends to last, my best friend who had been through thick and thin in my work, quit last year in October. He messed up some work from big client nd we had a fight. He left. In the meantime i scored a big multinational company. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend in March this year. But instead she decided to leave for someone better who left her in 3 weeks lol. Anyways, we broke up. During that time, my second friend decided to fuck up my work with the big company so hard that they were about to blacklist my company. And then he left too. I had a small team. 4 5 people doing their best. By that time, i was the only one left. On 28th feb i had my breakup, on 1st march i was sitting 700 km away from home in an office trying to talk the company out of blacklisting us. It took me around 20 days to make that happen. All the while dealing with the obvious, my depression getting stronger than ever. My imaginations taking shape and fucking up my reality. The voices in my head getting stronget and stronger. 4 months now since she left. I dont think i miss her anymore. She tried coming back once but i didn't let her. In the 4 months, i m at my worst. I am getting government contracts now. But i have no desire to do anything. The pain is unbearable. So much that on its good days it sucks the life right out of me. So much that when it gets severe the urge to harm myself in any way goes of the charts. My best friend and i, we became friends again after my ex left. He s been helping me as much as he can. I have all the good oppurtunities and chances that any entrepreneur who has been busting his ass for 5 years straight would kill to have. But i cant do anything. I m the only one left on my team. I have to handle the business, dev, marketing etc etc ends on my own. I tried hiring and scaling up but i messed that up because of obvious reasons. And now my company has 2 months of runway left. And i know if i bust my ass i can make it to 8 months more and even raise a round a. But its really hard to do when either you re sleeping 20 hrs a day or you re sleeping 3 4 hrs because you re afraid of the nightmares. Or when even you ve had a good day, the pain becomes so much that you lay on the floor having a breakdown. Yeah, i m trying professional help. I m hoping it helps me. Because right now, i dont care about being happy. I just want my sanity. Something i m clinging to with every fiber of my being. Something that s burning out like a candle burning from both ends. I cant give up my work. I dont want to. That s all i have. That s all what i love doing and now i cant even do that. I just want this to end somehow. Either i get better and the pain and the void and silence and everything else goes away, or i do. I dont know what will happen first. And i dont care. I just want to be normal. But i guess that s too much to ask.8
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Im going to fucking murder the QA team if they don't stop sender bullshit issues!
QA: hey dev, there is an error with attached files.
Me: okay what's the issue?
QA: it's just a random file that gets attached. Can you fix it by the end of the sprint(tomorrow)?
Me: I need to investigate it a bit before I can tell you how long it will take, how can I reproduce it?
QA: idk, it was just there.
*several hours of testing later*
Me: I've tried to cause the 'issue' on my local server, the test server and the live server. But I haven't seen it and I have no clue what could cause it.
*30min. before I go home*
QA: dev you have to fix it before you go home! Because we have some other important issues you have to fix tomorrow!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR IMAGINARY ISSUES I'M GOING HOME1 -
Why does almost everyone act as if the world they live in is perfect, or is supposed to be perfect?
This is about approaching IT infrastructures, but goes way beyond IT, into daily lives.
Daniel Kahneman wrote about the "Econs" - a mythical creature that behaves according to rules and rational thoughts, that everybody is guided by, as opposed to Humans, who are irrational, intuitive and emotional.
My beef is with a wider perception, beyond economical analysis, profit, investment and so on.
Examples:
Organization A uses a 15 year old system that is crappy beyond description, but any recent attempt to replace it have failed. Josh thinks that this is a crappy organization, any problem lies within the replacement of that system, and all resources should be devoted to that. Josh lives in a perfect world - where shit can be replaced, where people don't have to live with crappy systems. Josh is stupid, unless he can replace that old system with something better. Don't be Josh. Adapt to the fucking reality, unless you have the power to change it.
Peter is a moron who downloads pirated software with cracks, at the office. He introduced a ransomware that encrypted the entire company NAS. Peter was fired obviously, but Sylvia, the systems administrator, got off easily because Peter the moron was the scapegoat. Sylvia truly believes that it's not her fault, that Peter happened to be a cosmic overgrown lobotomized amoeba. Sylvia is a fucking idiot, because she didn't do backups, restrict access, etc. Because she relied on all people being rational and smart, as people in her imaginary world would be.
Amit finished a project for his company, which is a nice modern website frontend. Tom, the manager says that the website doesn't work with Internet Explorer 8, and Amit is outraged that Tom would even ask this, quoting that IE8 is a dinosaur that should've been euthanized before even hatching. Amit doesn't give a shit about the fact that 20% of the revenue comes from customers that use IE8, what's more important to him is that in his perfect imaginary world everybody uses new hardware and software, and if someone doesn't - it's their fault and that's final. Amit is a fucking asshole. Don't be like Amit.
React to the REAL world, not what you WANT the world to be. Otherwise you're one of them.
The real world can be determined by looking at all the fuck ups and bad situations, admit that they happen, that they're real, that they will keep happening unless you do something that will make them impossible to happen or exist.
Acting as if these bad things don't exist, or that they won't exist because someone would or should change it, is retarded.10 -
**noob alert**
Hi all, I'm new to this community. I found it out couple of days back while downloading some apps on play store. And I don't know how much time have I spent here since then... Damm, I've an interview after 2 days.
My query is, I am stuck/confused. I have so many ToDos. ToDos to learn new things, from UI to other langs to machine learning to database to etc etc. And I keep on postponing it because I can't decide which way to go first. There is so much fuzz about BigData/AI which sounds cool. Sometimes I want to build UI for my imaginary idea, then somebody says a man must learn linux and DB. Top of that I'm preparing for interviews, so I think I should get a job first and then start learning. But when I get a job, I get *busy* with job. It feels like Captain America, all he does is official work. I sometimes feel like trying open source coding, but quit the idea because I get scared or overwhelmed by imagining the big community behind it and I won't be able to make a difference or I might get bashed by others as I get bashed in StackOverFlow :-(
I'm unable to get help from friends/family/colleagues, not because they are bad. It's just they don't get it. People think just because you have a job which pays the bills and save money, everything is fine because there are lots of people who dream to get a job, so be thankful for what you have. I'm thankful... But it's not helping. I really want to do things more than what my job asks me to. The kid inside me is awake since I became adult.
Have you been in this condition or is it just me? Or is it too confusing? Could you please help me out. Thanks a lot. Sorry for serious post. I'm a java programmer by the way.9 -
User logins testing:
How others name their imaginary users:
Admin
John
Jane
Bob
How I name my imaginary users:
Root (admin)
Alice
Floyd4 -
- Honey, your code reminds me of the delicious dinner you cooked us last night!
- Oh you mean the meatballs and Spag-.. Wait a minute... -
In my previous rant about IPv6 (https://devrant.com/rants/2184688 if you're interested) I got a lot of very valuable insights in the comments and I figured that I might as well summarize what I've learned from them.
So, there's 128 bits of IP space to go around in IPv6, where 64 bits are assigned to the internet, and 64 bits to the private network of end users. Private as in, behind a router of some kind, equivalent to the bogon address spaces in IPv4. Which is nice, it ensures that everyone has the same address space to play with.. but it should've been (in my opinion) differently assigned. The internet is orders of magnitude larger than private networks. Most SOHO networks only have a handful of devices in them that need addressing. The internet on the other hand has, well, billions of devices in it. As mentioned before I doubt that this total number will be more than a multiple of the total world population. Not many people or companies use more than a few public IP addresses (again, what's inside the SOHO networks is separate from that). Consider this the equivalent of the amount of public IP's you currently control. In my case that would be 4, one for my home network and 3 for the internet-facing servers I own.
There's various ways in which overall network complexity is reduced in IPv6. This includes IPSec which is now part of the protocol suite and thus no longer an extension. Standardizing this is a good thing, and honestly I'm surprised that this wasn't the case before.
Many people seem to oppose the way IPv6 is presented, hexadecimal is not something many people use every day. Personally I've grown quite fond of the decimal representation of IPv4. Then again, there is a binary conversion involved in classless IPv4. Hexadecimal makes this conversion easier.
There seems to be opposition to memorizing IPv6 addresses, for which DNS can be used. I agree, I use this for my IPv4 network already. Makes life easier when you can just address devices by a domain name. For any developers out there with no experience with administration that think that this is bullshit - imagine having to remember the IP address of Facebook, Google, Stack Overflow and every other website you visit. Add to the list however many devices you want to be present in the imaginary network. For me right now that's between 20 and 30 hosts, and gradually increasing. Scalability can be a bitch.
Any other things.. Oh yeah. The average amount of devices in a SOHO network is not quite 1 anymore - there are currently about half a dozen devices in a home network that need to be addressed. This number increases as more devices become smart devices. That said of course, it's nowhere close to needing 64 bits and will likely never need it. Again, for any devs that think that this is bullshit - prove me wrong. I happen to know in one particular instance that they have centralized all their resources into a single PC. This seems to be common with developers and I think it's normal. But it also reduces the chances to see what networks with many devices in it are like. Again, scalability can be a bitch.
Thanks a lot everyone for your comments on the matter, I've learned a lot and really appreciate it. Do check out the previous rant and particularly the comments on it if you're interested. See ya!25 -
there's this club at my school, called STEM, and another called "science olympiad." both are pretty cringey, bad, or boring. science olympiad was just for the college credit. during the intro to the club, they said there was a coding section. "game on!" is what they dubbed it as, where basically you're timed to make a game in scratch. i'm fucking tired of it. why is scratch considered programming? don't get me wrong, i'll write an OS in PHP before i say code.org is better than scratch, but fuck it. its a fucking interpreted language that's interpreted by another interpreted language. i don't understand why this shit is still used. scratch isn't good. please codecademy or w3schools or just write in binary directly, but not scratch. my hand hurts from dragging and dropping, my eyes hurt from the light theme, my imaginary cat committed suicide after learning about scratch's mascot. fuck it. now onto stem club, fuck it too. not for being bad (well, kinda), but for not being more recognized. it should be above science olympiad, and other clubs because you actually have to think instead of just memorize. but alas, we still were offered the choice of scratch to program the robot. sigh. arduino much? i guess not. challenging much? nope. was i elected "leader"? with three of my friends out of the eight there, i could have been, but no. effort in this would be depressing.
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Paraphrased with imaginary ending:
Me: Ok so this X will never be more than Y items and not more than one pages?
Person: Yes. it won't be more than Y items and never more than one page.
Me: If this is always Y items or less and not more than one page, I can hammer this out quick then. If it is more than that it will take much longer to complete.
Person: Awesome!!!
-later-
Person: OK here's the template for Y x10 items and multiple pages.
Me: Oh I'm sorry, we're going to have to stop working on this. I thought you actually gave a fuck about this 'important' project and that you had deadlines you cared about, but apparently not enough to participate in this conversation with any level of intellectual honesty. Please fuck off now while I go work on more productive tasks....4 -
The worst part of being a dev
My social dilemma
In a fast paced world where the average human spends at least 6 hours a day with technology, deriving basic entertainment, pleasures and engaging in various activities.
Here we are the developers that have to engage with technology for longer hours for a living , having to keep up with deadlines, immersing our minds in complicated algorithms and then the endless possibilities of entertainment from the machine in so few human hours a day , you wonder how you’d get off, and to top it up, I personally work from home.
And then the dilemma of overcoming different suggestions from various parties in taking a break off, a break off to what you later ask yourself, thus creating the shadow of doubt, splitting the fragile programmer’s mind , trying to solve this imaginary puzzle, “this bug of the mind”.
Then the challenge often arises in creating a balance, telling yourself, just catching up with people with this same technology takes a whole day, or then again quitting my Job, but from my little experience of life, nobody likes a poor visitor, this is actually worse than a “bug” and as I bask in this quagmire, “a little voice in my head keeps singing keep doing what you love doing”.
Like an infinite loop of crazy, spiralling back to these machines, trying the find and fix the balance of normalcy. Always remembered the cool years of college tho, with so much people around and then again that was college.
An then the thought arises, maybe something else might be worth doing, but after so much time spent in building your skills and the enormous joy of programming even typing without looking at the keyboard is a real pleasure, and yeah sure the days are short with the reality of a constant need to survive, remain sane, compete and make the best of life in such short time.
Then how do we know if we have fallen off the so-called “social track”, when we have only lived so little to really comprehend the most parts of life? with such constant stream of unanswered question, you’d realise you shouldn’t have burdened the mind creating such questions in the first place
But then again maybe it gets better, one of the above, the disturbed mind or the situation as whole and yes I try oh I try, I place calls, do some visiting, no relationship tho but with a good perspective in mind.
In this race of life, you sometimes ask yourself would you rather be in a different position, or maybe already put exactly where we belong. For this illusionary fight with self is a fight with reality as a whole and true bliss comes from actually letting go as time and people pass you by.
And my greatest achievement to date aside family and my work is getting into the 1000 club on devRant.2 -
Client: I need the push notification to have purple edges with blue background.
Me: I'm sorry. Apple does not have a support for such customization. What we can do is modify title, description and also add an overview image.
Client: No, you can make it purple edges with blue background. I saw it on dribble!
Me: *Logs out*.9 -
When I was about 10 I decided to set up an imaginary business selling homemade stationary (notepads made of scrap paper!). It was a great way to entertain my younger sister making them whilst I programmed a full POS and inventory management system in BASIC.
Needless to say, my sister got bored of the idea long before I did. 20 years later I still use the same name as our imaginary business for any freelance work! -
The feeling when you leave work frustrated because of that unfixed bug and in the night you lay on the bed, trying to fix the bug writing code in your mind and getting more frustrated because your imaginary code doesn't fix the bug.1
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Go to the vacation.
Return back to see all those useless features that should not be part of the MVP, that I have previously rejected multiple times, poorly implemented...
Now we have to maintain this shit, that nobody even uses in real life...
Fucking imaginary use cases... -
I present to you the rubber duck I use for debugging.
that's right I dont have one. I just to talk to myself really. but what's curious is that when I do this, I tend to cock my head to a side, or turn slightly in my chair as if I was talking to someone just behind me. I didnt realize I was doing this until my cousin pointed it out to me coz it was creeping her out.
let me also mention that I used to have an imaginary friend growing up. his name's Jesse. I dont know if it really is just a weird mannerism or maybe I was still subconsciously talking to him.
3 -
Regus sent me to collections.
Jist: if you ever think about renting an office from Regus, for the love of your bank account and your credit, just don't. Go into the kitchen and pan-fry your face instead. it'll be better.
Moral: get it in writing. What is "it"? Fucking everything.
------
I needed someplace quiet away from my children to work, so I rented an office from Regus. They said they had a minimum 6-month contract, which is fine, but at the time I was pretty sure I would be moving within three to five. They said they understood and offered the quivalent of a month-to-month plan: I could cancel my contract whenever I wanted, given a few weeks' notice, and that would be that. It wasn't in writing, but both the accounts person and the regional manager were there offering it to me, and they seemed cool. Awesome! I agreed, signed the contract, and paid a hefty damage deposit.
Long story short, I ended up hating the office, and chose to bear the distractions at home instead. Seeing how much I disliked it, the accounts person I talked to originally called me and offered to cancel my contract. I agreed, and she walked me through the steps to cancel it and request my deposit back. Done. I aske her if that was it; no more payments, no more contract. "No more," she said. "You're done." I liked the sound of that. Done and done.
The next day, I check my bank account; no deposit.
Two weeks later, still no deposit.
A month later, still no deposit.
They did say it could take up to three fucking months or something, so whatever. I waited.
Another month later, and instead of my refunded deposit, I get an overdue invoice notice? Seriously?
Apparently they never cancelled my contract, don't remember offering me the month-to-month agreement, nor does the very chick I talked to remember telling me over the phone that everything was paid up and done. Apparently my contract wasn't even for six months like they originally promised, but indefinite? despite all of this? and despite the two of us fucking cancelling it? together?
But no, the legal agreement is binding and explicitly states that they are fucking assholes and due their pound of cash.
So fuck that and fuck them.
And in response, they sent me to collections.
Huge fucking surprise.
and now collections is calling me saying I owe $1900, which works out to a lot more than the couple months it's been since I cancelled that crap, AND.
AND IT'S LESS THAN THE FUCKING DEPOSIT REGUS NEVER RETURNED!
SO NOT ONLY DID THEY NEVER CANCEL MY CONTRACT, THEY CHANGED ITS TERMS (or lied up-front) AND DECIDED TO POCKET THE DEPOSIT INSTEAD OF APPLY IT TO MY FUCKING IMAGINARY BALANCE!
FUCK YOU SHADY MOTHERFUCKERS!10 -
Over the past 2 months I have interviewed with several companies and 2 of them stood out at rejecting me. Let's call them Company A, and Company B!
> I know right? Developers are bad at naming!
I guess part of it is my fault too! I am old and slow. Doesn't like competitive programming and already forgot most of how to answer algorithm question. I can't even answer some of the algorithm question I've flawlessly answered back when I was fresh out of University.
## Company A
When I got chance to interview at Company A, they require me to answer HackerRank style interview. It's my first time in nearly a decade of working in the industry to feel like I'm in a classroom exam again. I hate it, and I deliberately voiced my distaste to the answers comment:
// Paraphrasing
// I'm sorry, I'm dumb!
// I never faced anything like this in real world work...
// ......
But guess what? My answer still pass the score, have a call with their VP, which proceed to have another call with their Lead Engineer.
Talked about my experience with Event Driven System and CQRS+ES and they decided that I am:
- Arrogant
- Too RND in my tech stack
- And overkill in CQRS+ES
And decided they don't need me.
They hate me for having a headstrong personality which translates as Arrogance to the perceiving end.
## Company B
Another HackerRank style interview. Guess I passed their score this time without me typing some strong comment and proceed to have another test with their Lead Engineer.
This time they want 5 question answered in google docs within 60 minutes.
Two of them stood out to me for being impossible to work on 12 minutes (60 / 5 if you're wondering). Or maybe I'm just old and dumb?!
The others are just questions copied word for word from Geeks For Geeks.
One of the question requires me to write a password brute force attack to an imaginary API.
The other requires me to find a combination of math `+` or `-` operation from `a strings of numbers` that results in `a number`.
My `Arrogance` kicks in and I start typing a comment
// Paraphrasing
// I am sorry but I feel this is impossible for me to think of in 12 minutes
// (60 / 5 if you're wondering)
// But I know you guys got this question from Rosseta Code!
// Here's the link, but I don't know the logic behind it
See? I've worked on this question back when I was still a University student and remember where to look at.
Unsurprisingly, I've heard the feedback that I was rejected although I've answered one of their question `FLAWLESSLY`. I know they are being sarcastic at this point. haha.
---
I was trying to be honest about what I can and can't do in the `N` minutes timeframe and the Industry hates me.
I guess The Industry love people who can grind `GFG` or other algorithm websites, remember the solutions out of their head, and quietly answer their `genuinely original question` without pointing the flaws back at them.9 -
Love when the client knows more than you and tells you to create a report on an imaginary tool they are 100% sure it exists because their friend is an SEO expert and thinks all pages should be running at a 100 percent on lighthouse. Fml.2
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Thoughts prior to feedback meeting, about how it's gonna go.
---------------------------------------------------------
Scenario one:
Supervisor: The shit is this? You call this a research work? Get the fuck out of here! You're fired and even your unborn kids are banned from coming into this institute ever again!
Me: *walks out sobbing* (dunno how one can walk out of a zoom meeting, but this is imaginary so who's counting?)
Scenario two:
S: Umm, good work. I just don't think it's presentable. Maybe come back in like a few weeks when you actually polish this into a "real scientific work".
Me: *sobs after meeting. Starts preping for seppuku cuz no idea where I'm headed with this work any further*
Scenario three:
S: nah man. This is no good. Let's start from the bottom. Like, start data collection from the beginning or something.
Me: *sobs and commits seppuku on the meeting.* (I just have a pen tho. Hope it has the same effect as a sword)
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There are other scenarios, but they all end up in me sobbing and/or committing seppuku in/after the meeting so yeah the drama is running high right now.11 -
PM pushed me to finish all of my tasks last friday because he told me we have a demo with the client this week. He even asked me to OT.
It is already fucking thursday and I am still waiting. I haven't heard any updates from our PM.
I feel pissed because I did my task crudely due to "imaginary deadlines" imposed by this son of a bitch PM. I could have written a better code if I have this week as the deadline instead.1 -
What a horrible monday today was. Fuck-all worked. Missed deadline. Not much sleep. Heart is racing.
But hey, the horoscope in the daily toiletpaper press knows it all better, as usual, 100% IQ:
💫"You have finally found your center. Your body and soul are feeling great and your're in tune with yourself. You are enjoying it and would love to share your experiences with your loved one."💫
Where is my rocket launcher??? I have to kill a newspaper.6 -
I fucking HATE people at stackoverflow that "edit" every single character or spacing issue they see that are not relevant. FUCKING STOP. why do you have to fucking touch it? for imaginary Internet points? WTF8
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Sometimes I think of imaginary interviews and how I will perform in then doing QA with myself both as an interviewer and the applicant 😐
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Every time I want to post here about a problem, my social anxiety tells me what I should try before asking about it.3
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I'm I the only one who talks to an imaginary friend when debugging 🌚🌚
In my defense my imaginary friend helps me see things in a different perspective and most times I end up fixing my bugs2 -
Mobile developers of the world. Hear my words. Two things: 1. Why is every mobile site nowadays specifically geared to being as nonfriendly to mobile devices as possible? You should probably remember that mobile devices are resource constrained much like early 00s PCs. Maybe we don't need the full HD 3 megapixel version of the image. And we definitely don't need those full screen scroll ad things. In fact, I am 100% less likely to purchase their product if you include these. Which sucks because Hidden Valley salad dressing is pretty good, but now I have to settle for Wishbone.
2. Maybe you don't need to gamify everything. (Looking at you Waze). Or maybe don't give points to everyone who has ever posted about that red light cam outside of my work. It has been there for thirty years. I don't need to be reminded 80 times because someone wants imaginary GPS points. Yes I realize the irony of posting about gamification on a gamified site. I am fine with this.2 -
Got a new job on a big brand bank in the financial district in NYC, went through multiple code interviews, 2 hours of in person interviews asking me about architectures, design patterns, solutions to imaginary complex problems(which I enjoyed thinking about), finally got accepted, background checks needed before starting (previous job check, credit, drugs, etc..) so I waited 2 months, 1st day at work, the building is huge and cool, biggest spaces I've ever seen, amazingly insane large monitors and people working on a great variety of new technologies.
I was assigned to a corner far away from the open spaces, trying to understand a project that I will maintain who works with java 5, struts and jsp(for fucks sake, JSP!!!)
Why life laughs on my face? why?4 -
Anyone else having their imaginary Project manager for your private projects, you do talk to when their are problems with the code?4
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Due to recent hiccups that devRant has, disappearing subs from users and app from stores, I wanted to divulge all that has accumulated in me to replace it. I want to see if y'all have some bright thoughts before this imaginary train makes it to the last station.
https://techhub.social/@vintprox/...2 -
Kind of dev related, during a Firefly one-shot roleplay:
GM: So you have a data chip in your pocket. Do you want to see what's on it?
Me (hesitant): ...Kinda. *wait* Okay, I put the chip into one of my computers.
GM: The data chip shows random gibberish--it's encrypted. Your engineer may know how to decrypt it.
Me: Okay. Hey, Engineer! *holds imaginary data chip out to her* Decrypt this!
Engineer: No. *pause*, *sighs* Fine. But we need to be careful.
GM: Yes, now time for technobabble...
Me: So once we decrypt this, it's probably going to look for the MAC address, so we need an air-gapped machine--a machine that's never been online before--and a TAILS LiveUSB. We'll decrypt the data chip and then destroy the computer.
GM: ...Technobabble.
Fighter: ....I actually understood that and it actually makes sense. Good job. *fist bump*1 -
Time to remove access to tfs for the BA. She started adding work for us for features that don't have their requirements gathered yet.
Another BA just sent us an email today about it with just a generic "we need this now" urgency with no description, no requirements, no real functionality defined. The other one had access to tfs because she was working with us on a project, and was helping out with requirements. But it seems she's forgotten that you can't just slap imaginary things in.4 -
We have 4k Monitors and SSDs with more than 120 GB, why there are still new projects that use a formatting style that doesn't have a clear relation of the opening { and corresponding closing }. i.e. put them either on the same line or column?
Please don't write code where the imaginary line between the { and } goes diagonally over other parts of the code. It makes it unreadable and my brain hurts from looking at it. Its better to have readable code and "waste" some lines and bytes for code that is easier to read.10 -
True story: After making a mistake while writing a check, I literally reached out to an imaginary keyboard and wanted to ctrl+z it... if only life was that simple1
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Sooo a coworker and I tonight were working on some software and somehow got side tracked on discussion regarding our thinking process, and how one of our other coworkers always things so strangely always defensive etc.. which then lead us to saying it would be nice if we could like see and feel how another persons brain is and how they draw conclusions and think..
this conversion immediately changed to the inner-monologue discussion.
And holy shit went go distracted for 4 hours tonight!
I have inner monologue, visual, auditory, symbolic and non symbolic abstract thinking in my mind, and it’s all happening at the same time, like a million miles a minute.
The other coworker has no inner monologue at all.
4 hours questioning each other trying to understand how the other one things then debating what we believe how the one perticular Coworker thinks. And then placing bets on what we think all the other coworkers are.
I’ve never had such a deep discussion on how my brain works nor how someone else thinks.
Like I was like joking but serious not in a bad way I’m not crazy my brain switches thinking depending on the situation I don’t have to. Try or think about it just occurs..
Like remembering things I’ll daisy chain and hop pictures, words and thoughts to bring back things but no effort it just occurs.
When a song is playing I can remember the last time I heard that song or part of the song I can feel how it was, I can see what I was doing what was happening in the world etc.
In the shower or driving I will have debates in my mind and play scenarios out in my mind on how a conversation or situation will go. I visually see and hear and feel the conversation that did or did not occur at that time. And I can jump to “playing” each person.
Or when a large decision is to be made or brainstorming an idea to me I like having the British parliament in a room, and debating the topic.
When people are talking I visually see what they are saying.
I thought EVERYONE was like this.. apparently not lol.
But this conversation did bring up a lot of realization of why I can quickly jump to conclusions or quickly move thru a conversation or concept but my coworker is lagging behind. Or having a hard time visualizing what I’m saying, thus me drawing it very fast and him/them saying how did you come up with that that quickly... ugh because in my mind I’ve already drew it up I’m just drawing what I see. Almost having to slow down and go back in time to explain something to them.
THEN we called a few of my “Star” interns haha and asked them, apparently they are all think the same way I do or atleast somewhat, which explains why some people I work i able to express ideas and continue thru a topic very quickly. While others I must slow down.
We need more of these discussions until now I had no idea there was “a different way people mentally process things” the entire conversation was very enlightening for the both of us, now I know what I must do differently and so does the other one.
But then we thought what caused this? Is this a learned trait from experience as a child? Or evaluation? Or just the deck of cards we are delt? Is this left hand people or right hand? I’m left hand and the two interns are left hand and they think the same, but the other coworker in the discussion was a right hander.. then we thought was this a result of imaginary friends as a young child? Was this a result of reading as a young child? Is one version better at math than the other.. music etc... is this a result of hyperactive brain? Drugs? Could drugs induce it? What does alcohol do to it...
Yeah we questioned all these things and more seriously went down the rabbit hole tonight... lmfao, tomorrow we will be surveying the rest of the team to see if we can draw any spurious informer conclusions and how accurate our bets were based on what we know personality wise of the other coworkers
SOOOOO thoughts???? Hahah
How many of y’all knew the other type existed? What type are you? And are you introverted or extroverted? Any rational relations we can connect to better explain this shit?9 -
Dreaming in Code!
I know very little code at this point. Mostly HTML, CSS and a sprinkling of JavaScript and Python.
That was clearly enough for my brain to generate some imaginary lines and fill the gaps in a night of wild dreams.
I guess any code language works much like human languages with grammars, vocabularies and punctuations.
So dreaming in code isn't all that odd?!
Whether you're learning Japanese or JavaScript, Portuguese or Python, you need to read, repeat and regurgitate.
I hope that's what my mind attempted last night. Not the most visually inspiring of dreams, but certainly vivid.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Has anyone tried applying language learning tricks to learning coding?8 -
Little project for an insurance sales guy / finance coach / entrepreneur
My first thought: guy sounds extremely shady but ok let’s come up with a hefty price.
Guy accepts my offer and pays one third in advance as I asked. Of course he pays cash because he „didn’t make it to the bank“ but happened to have the big bucks in his wallet.
I give him a receipt for the cash payment.
Job is done I write an invoice for the remaining two thirds.
Guy transfers money to my account. No cash this time.
However he took the sum in the second invoice and subtracted the first one and 50 bucks extra and send the remaining entirely imaginary sum.
I text him. He does not get it and explains that he payed cash in advance.
I say yes but that is not the point. You can not make up the sums of your invoice yourself.
I send him three warnings via mail.
He sends an angry letter back sayingthst he payed one third in advance.
I tell him how nice it is that we agree in that regard but that the issue will go t court if he does not pay.
Sometimes I am fascinated how elaborately stupid people can behave. :/5 -
Watched UFO 2018.
Movie mostly about guy trying to solve math problem but nice.
Learned about fine-structure constant and that all base SI units were redefined in 2019 lol.
I don’t remember anyone mentioned that scientists changed all of standardized measurements.
Overall nice movie if you like those about solving imaginary problem without special effects etc...
Looks like nobody cares how much kilogram weights.7 -
My partner and I are in a free relationship, and there is a solid reasoning behind it.
When you stop seeing sex with the other person as magical sexual utopia, when you realize that merely having sex with someone else is not the reason to leave your partner, your relationship becomes much stronger.
In monogamy, your real partner competes with imaginary utopia, always loosing. In polygamy, your partner doesn't compete at all, because you know that you are always welcome, no matter the affairs.
I've seen enough broken marriages, including the relationship of my own parents. I've seen enough families of my relatives, where people love each other, destroyed by just one affair with someone else. I don't want this in my life.
Polygamy is the entire new level of acceptance and loving your person as a whole, without making them hide their fantasies, without making affairs a taboo, without being judged. Monogamy is a stubborn relic of the times of inquisition.
I created this theory, and we brought it to life. The sheer amount of the insight we both got is beyond any explanation. My current relationship is the strongest one I've ever had, and I had a lot of them because you know, I'm kinda hot.
One year on, we never had a single argument. I chose that person, and we are close. We have many things in common, we built many things together, we love each other. Our relationship is the major opposing force to my anxiety and their depression.
I won't let monogamy destroy that because some child molesting priest enforced it centuries ago. Transhumanism wins.48 -
tell me guys what would you prefer:
function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}
function b(p1,p2,p3,p4,p5,p6){.
...
}
or
function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}
function b(
p1,
p2,
p3,
p4,
p5,
p6
){
...
}
if you read this rant before expanding, you got a complete context on how what function a is, its calling b 2 times and how function b looks.
if instead of the first option, i had used 2nd block, you wouldn't even know the 2nd param of b function without expanding this rant.
my point?
i prefer to keeping unnecessary info on one line. and w lot of linters disagree by splitting up the code. and most importantly , my arrogant tl disagree by saying he prefers the splitted code "for readability" and becaue "he likes code this way, old-eng1 likes this and old-eng2 likes this" .
why tf does an ide have horizontal a scrolling option available when you are too stupid to use it?
ok, i know some smartass is going to point that i too can use vertical scrolling, but hear me out: i am optimising this!
case 1 : a function with 7 params is NOT split into 7 lines. lets calculate the effort to remember it
- since all params could have similar charactersticks ( they will be of some type, might have defaults, might be a suspendable/async function etc), each param will take similar memory-efforts points. say 5sp each.
- total memory-efforts= 5sp *7 = 35 sp.
- say a human has 100 sp of fast memory storage, he can use the remaining 65 sp for loading say 5 small lines above or below.
- but since 5 lines above are already read and still visible on screen, they won't be needed to be loaded again nd again, nd we can just check the lines below.
- thus we are able to store 65+35+65 = 165 sp or about 11 lines of code in out fast memory for just a 100sp brain storage
case 2 function with 7 params IS split into 7 lines.
- in this case all lines are somewhat similar. 5sp for param lines as they are still similar which implies same 35sp for storing current function and params
- remaining 65sp can only be used to store next 5 lines of 13sp as the previous code is no longer visible.
- plus if you wanna refresh the code above, you gotta scroll, which will result in removing bottom code from screen , and now your 65sp from bottom code is overwritten by 65sp of top code.
- thus at a time, you are storing only 6 lines worth of code info. this makes you slow.
this is some imaginary math, but i believe it works10 -
*Sees an article with the headline 'The simple approach to building a real-time collaborative text editor'"
Before I can finish the thought that "I don't need this shit" a design idea pops up in my mind and I stop myself and say "Fuck", meaning another project for my imaginary projects list. Yay... I need help. I look at certain things and get ideas. Seriously becoming a problem. -
i can see a very thin line between me remaining the same good natured person as i am right now, and me turning into completely chaotic no remorse psychopath , in upcoming future.
the universe follows the rules. planets revolve in a pre defined manner, day and night comes as expected. however being a human for last 24 years, i have come to experience 2 different phenomenons : being rule bounded and being random.
randomness is fun. randomness is guilt free, randomness is a wonderful feeling for someone . but at the same time its worse for everyone else. try slapping a random kid in park or eating food at a restaurant amd running away, assuming there will be no consequences against you whatsoever. such a nice evil feeling
at the same time, rules are boring , unrewarding, guilt filled words of hope.
- "do not eat pizzas or you will get fat" :boring + guilt
- "go to gym, you will become appealing and get a good sex " : boring + hope
- "if you perform well, you will get appraisal and you will earn enough to afford your family a home" : hope + guilt
see how these rules are full of hope/guilt/boredom for you while being good+rewarding for others? that's how you are categorised as being civil , as being part of a society of semi evolved apes.
and as if those rules weren't enough , there came this unnecessary concept of faith, religion and spirituality.l, with its own set of rules and hopes.
and it seems like such a great capitalist idea , since the hopes provided via these are not even realistic : keep on doing good stuff, following the rules and you will get a better afterlive/next birth!
i have tried being a good person for my whole life. my parents are religious and i try to be one, I don't drink , smoke, eat other animals, or randomly start slapping kids in the park. i have been a boring personality, i studied , ran in various races od educational life, failed most of them, landed in a decent paying job , and now trying to even gain back a decent body to look respectful and worthy of a future family. feels like i did so much for so many hopes and am still doing it. we all do , no?
but i have seen companies laying off people and leaving them in turmoil, marriages getting ruined, and some person never getting the love, respect and rewards they deserve for all these shitty rules they kept up with
my life book is somewhat even-steven. i did get a few rewards and respect for some of my hard work, but my overall portfolio is negetive : a lot of investment on just the hopes of a better return
let's see if i can keep up with my sanity for next 50-60 years before i am dust again.
=====
ps : try playing bitlife : life simulator mobile game ( download the cracked version from the web though, original one is full of ads) . it just have a single big button and shows text about how an imaginary child(you) os growing every year on click. so far i tried to play the life of kid like a criminal, a heavily educated person, a politician and a job worker. almost all of them recieved "miserable" and "unsuccessful" as the final result. very fun game to play without being evil1 -
Okay. I can't be the only one that thinks Reddit is a wretched website that perpetuates unhealthy zeitgeists for imaginary high fives, while diminishing new ideas and critiques. Right?1
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!rant
Usually, in this dark moments, I don't get motivated because of someone else's actions.
When this happen, I try making something completely different, work on some particular project or try to unleash my anger against enemy faction players on WoW. If none of these help, I try drawing and writing more stories for my imaginary world. -
Mexico just got for a big earthquake and people is organizing a lots of ways to help.
> Some guys started a webpage and they are adding useful information and data for the people. They create a repo on GitHub to improve information.
> Mexican devs start discussing which technology is better for solving imaginary problems about escalate the servers, concurrency, creating a CMS, creating a public API, tokens for publishing the API... Instead of using something quick like firebase or some Trello to just publish info.1 -
When I do programming work from home, I put up a picture of my wife on my secondary screen.
I mean my imaginary wife cause I got no real wife.
Upvote if you agree 👌7 -
Xcode UI test recording is fucking abysmal. For a simple tutorial "todo" app that I wanted to add a test to, it generated a completely imaginary toolbar selector, a syntactically incomplete eight-line garbage monstrosity instead a button selector, and entirely missed off the last action.
Don't get me wrong, I really like that there is a way to automate UI tests, but the promise of test recording is massive fucking lie.1 -
I have a music that makes me go into hyperfocus. Whenever I listen to it and pay close attention to the instruments, I'm instantly concentrated on a imaginary music clip that I used to refine in my teenage years.
Everything becomes easier to understand after I listen to it.2 -
“The Fraud Police is this imaginary, terrifying force of experts and real grown-ups who don’t exist and who come knocking on your door at 3 am, when you least expect it, saying 'Fraud Police! We’ve been watching you and we have evidence that you have no idea what you are doing.'” ~Amanda Palmer
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