"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"

- ex gf 2011

"I'm proud you do something you love"

- wife 2016

The room automation (light, doors, music) of a "smart" Hotel owned by our company is still being processed by an API that runs on one of my ex-colleagues local machine. It has now officially been declared as a "server" and everyone just hopes it keeps working.

Fixed this assholes phone for her... she proceeds to take the phone and say “thanks for fixing it, it was kind of you to do it for free!”

Uhm, ex-fucking-cuse me?! I run a business, not a god damned charity.

She got me my fucking money.

@Endurance are you my ex by any chance?

Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"

This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

/^\🙏.*$/g

A non reproducible bug is like an annoying ex boyfriend who lives across the street.

1. You know you can't fix things.

2.You're always scared you'd run into him again.

At customer site with my boss.

Boss: let's check this code which is not working

Me: ok (starting the debugging session)

I found this code, which was failing during the writing on disk for some reasons.

try
{
....
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
....
}

Boss: ok it fails to write data but we need to, let's manage it like this:

try
{
....
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
writer.writeline(some data);
....
}

Just broke up with my ex-girlfriend after 2 years of relationship. This might sound strange but scrolling after scrolling on dev rant is actually helping me getting through this situation!

Another piece of code that a guy in my office wrote. Now ex-employee!

"Don't waste your time on writing comments or documentation, as long as the code works!" - My (Ex-) Coworker

And when I was busy wasting my time on my girlfriend who is my ex now, my friends were busy coding an AI chat-bot. Now, I use their chat-bot to talk to when lonely.

Moral :
Girlfriends ditch you.... code doesn't. Love code.

My previous employer still (contractually) owes me $5k. I still have push access to the repo and prod servers. Should I add a reminder to the admin dashboard? (After yet another email reminder, ofc.)

I could also mail him an invoice, since I have his addresses. Then again, it has been about a year since I was supposed to receive it, so maybe I'll just file a lawsuit. 🙄

Should @Root sue her ex-boss?

Cassandra doesn't currently support deleting data by ranges (ex. someidkey < 100). Arrghhhhgh

Newest addition to my desk (after reviewing code written by ex-coworker)

Don't you think this is a bit ex-css-ive

!rant
Got fired a few months back because of my 'colourful personality'...
They hired a replacement for my position, a yes-knodder and -apparently- a person without any sense of pro-active commitment.

Hearing from ex-coworkerd, the replacement is a total slob, and the company owners already regretting their decision.

Meanwhile, got my own company and do the things i did before for a lot more money.

Muahahahahaha

I found an "ex" folder on my pc, I thought it was full of old photos about me and my ex girlfriend, instead it contained lots of dead projects. I don't know what hurts more.

A tool I built for my past company just got nominated for a European Data Science and AI award!!!

I'm over the moon that something I built is up for such an award. Be early next month before winners are announced. Oh and given I don't work there anymore, how I was told about it is a REALLY funny story .... I wasn't.

Saw a Linkedin post from my ex-manager congratulating the company and the org for great work done. He/They just forgot to mention the fact that me and another ex-employee did everything, left it practically finished and completely changed the direction of the project within the first month as their plans made no sense.

fuckers.

Friend: "what is it that you do?"
Me: "mostly web development, I make websites"
Ex-friend: "oh web design, nice"
Me: ...

one of my cousin ask me to help him for uploading his ex's private pics and videos on porn websites.
Because her parents are not allowing their marriage and she is not ready to go against family (he is not working anywhere, Jobless)

I simply take screenshots of our chat and send to his ex and her parents.

Hope they will punish him.

My ex-boss, a self proclaimed dev, used to click on a folder on Windows, then right click, then click Open.

Productive day!

Rewrote an intern's feature and briefly explained how/why
Gave intern a choice of projects, and explained them
Removed two unused models, one unused route
Dried up two views into a partial
Redesigned said partial
Tested validation edge cases (ex: Jan 10nd, 101bc)
Fixed an api
Simplified three models
Added scheduling and platform restriction to a feature
Le wild bug appears: a user with negative xp!?
Wrote a migration to expand players' max xp to 2^64-1 because a certain legacy game gives it away like my ex-boss makes promises. Chewed at devs, but they're all long gone so :/
Won two games of pool
Browsed devRant

Busy day, and all of this while falling asleep! 😊
I'm quite proud of myself today.

So today I receive 23 emails on DMCA takedown notice from last year project (which is a personal project). I asked Github why they think it is violating their policy, they told me they receive tonnes of complaints from a company, they shared the chat and that's the ex-company that fired me.

Even the project is not related to them, they seem to want to "Cancel" me on Github. Bro this is Github, not Twitter! Cancel culture does not work here.

Some of my IoT projects they flag it In Github, which I believe my ex-company they don't do any IOT projects. How the fuck it is violating their so called "code nondisclosure"?

Sorry, but the app had to stay running. It was just a minor exception anyway.

try {
executeMainLoop();
}
catch (Exception ex) {
executeMainLoop();
}

One ex-co-worker disappeared for one month. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing.

Next month came back like nothing, when the boss ask him "Where the hell did you go?" He replied "I was sick"

of what? The flu...

He of course got fired, absolute zero medical proof.

My ex boss asked us how it could be possible for the code to look 'bigger' ...he insisted to somehow increase the actual file size of the delieverable..

My ex-boyfriend once saw my post on the devRant and he said something, in a demeaning way, that don't screw up your brain with all this. Till now this community has given me support that he couldn't give me in his time. Instead he created problems. That's why he is my ex. :)

Thanks to dev Rant. :)

Fuck yes for data hoarding! Wanted to start on a project again but thought I lost everything.

Code is sill in git, (took me a while to find but whatever) database is still on my own laptop (due to ex/importing my entire local host as for databases every time I do a new installation).

Let’s get this fucker going again 😎

after doing all the paperwork and packing his shit, he shaked hands with his now ex-boss, and with a smile, and after their hands are no longer touching, he told him with a really calm voice to go fuck himself.

A long time ago on a project far far away, I didn't realize there was a src folder, and made my changes in the build folder instead... And to makes matters worse, I asked a co-worker -- an ex-Googler -- for help with the issue I was working on.

Rarely have I been more embarrassed.

Going back to Java after being writing code in Kotlin for a while feels like going back with your crazy, over reacting ex.

Pet peeves as a programmer and ex hobbyist hacker:

1. People who press F12, change a colour and consider themself a hacker or/and programmer.

2. People who pick up someone's phone, guess their passcode and post shit saying 'hacked' at the end.

These people can kindly fuck off to the hellish dimension they came 👌

Ok so the ex boyfriend (let's call him Joe) of a friend of mine is a dumbass

He wanted to hack her phone, or whatever, so hired someone on telegram to do it. He asked her phone number and 200€.

After actually giving him the money this guy sent a ransom asking for 2k to not turn Joe in.

Joe learned a lesson.

My (soon to become ex -) boss thinks "Every problem has an one-liner Javascript solution, that he doesn't have time to write."

I've always wanted to build an underground bunker for storms, to hide from my unstable ex girlfriend, and lulz, so I am. The hardest part isn't the digging or the structure, it's finding a way to ensure I'll still have internet.

Me in 2015: think I'm gonna learn JavaScript.

Me in 2017: think I'm gonna learn JavaScript.

It's like that ex you always want to call but you keep thinking she's moved on...

So my ex gf was a developer too and she used spaces instead of tabs and she would put the { on a new line. That was not the reason to break up with her but I just can't hold my rage ffs

I broke off a long term relationship recently and today I deleted the text conversation with my ex. With 13000 messages being deleted at once I managed to crash my texting app for a whole 10 minutes.

Ex-girlfriend: Tell me those three words and I'm yours

Me: I like Java

I hate father's day.

Reminds me of 2 things:

1. My father is a fucking asshole.
2. My ex wife makes it damn near impossible for me to speak to my oldest child. State seems to do the same shit ever other state does to mothers that do this: nothing, zip, nada.

Fuck today.

try {
// code that will someday
// throw an exception. Today is
// not that day.
}
catch(Exception ex) {
// The big day has arrived! BUT...
// I'm a heartless bastard who
// does not log errors.
// Good luck finding me!
}

Just found old logs I had with an ex-client, pre-devrant:

"What if we add the newsletter checkbox to the login, so each time a user logs in, he has to uncheck it, or else he will be subscribed to our newsletter?"

Not sure if that even needs a comment, I am speechless that was an actual suggestion, ever.

My code is like my ex,i know it wouldn't work but just couldn't let go

One day, this ex-boss of mine dropped the following bomb:

“Stop using switch statements, the switch statement is archaic.”

The if statement should be even more archaic, right? So, should we stop using ifs as well?

"why do java programmers wear glasses? ...
Because they can't see sharp"

My fucking ex-boss trying to be funny. Well you're not funny youfuckingpieceoftrash

How to post a question on a forum:

1. Create an account with a cute girl name like AnnaLovesYou143

2. Post your question. Ex. "How do I use Google? Thanks xOxO <3"

3. Wait for guys to give you a complete answer for your question or an offer to help you via a private message.

Handle all exceptions with
catch(Exception ex)

try{
#$$##&@;
}
catch(ex){
console.log('haha');
}

I love this gif, I think it's an accurate representation of what we all do. At least what I do.

if (ENV === “dev”)
{....}

^ An ex-colleague Pushed this to production and asked why the code didn’t work.

WHY BITCH, WHY?

Picture the situation: My ex-boss (still a friend) has a client that wants a web site. He hired me to to the HTML/CSS and a design agency to design the website.

There was a call on Skype today with me, the ex-boss, the client and a designer from the agency.

They kept arguing about how to client would feel on each page, what content should be in each page and only talked among themselfs.

I was dead silent for the last half and hour and suddenly my roomate yells something and the whole Skype call stays silent as I hear "Were you sleeping?" me: "No, I'm good! Don`t worry about it!". They continued talking and I went to get dinner and asked my ex-boss to tell me later what I needed to know in order to finish the job, which he understood and was really cool about it. I don't think they missed me.

Skype calls can be extremely boring.

Found this gem. Must be my ex.

A couple years ago my now ex-colleagues pranked the lead dev for being nitpicky about the importance of the story post-it wall in the agile process.
His desk was like this the next morning.
Needless to say, he was pissed and we had a good laugh :D

I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"

To delete everything of my ex gf memories...

She just wrote a message, again...

Apparently some freaking man in my ex-team tried to learn Vim because he thought he could become more efficient but he spend more than two weeks trying it while delivering poor quality code with extra spaces, bad indentation and extra "wq" strings

An ex of mine broke up with me when I changed my career path to programming. She said she wouldn't want to date with a programmer, I said 'ok bye'.

Guess who has a better career and dated with smarter, nicer, more funny and more attractive people since then 😎

To my ex-coworkers who used to tease me about using Vim although I never bragged or even talked about it to any of them, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

So it's been a while I posted here... but today I got an logo.docx after I asked for an Vectorgraphic. That's it. I'll quit my job and become an ex google techlead on youtube!

my ex-boss believed javascript is java, and php is wordpress.

Friend (girl) of my friends realized that I’m a programmer and dated me. She wanted me to hack her ex boyfriend Facebook account.

She abused/used me sexually as long I explain to her that programmers aren’t hackers and I can’t hack fb account.

I feel bad for her! 😂😂

TIL: C# has a "Catch When" syntax to help you filter exceptions. It already allows you to filter by Exception type, but this is news to me since it allows for finer filtering like:

try
{
//Shit code that will throw an exceptions more than Hillary's tantrums about the elections
}
catch (ExceptionType ex) when (ex.ErrorCode = "0x696666")
{
//Log this fuck up
}
catch (Exception ex)
{
//More logs
}
finally
{
//Run code that doesn't depend on the successful execution of prev code
}

I love C# and use it every single day, but this "When" keyword in Try...Catch...Finally blocks is new to me and will be interesting to start using it now :)

When you think it can't get any worse you stumble across legacy what-the-actual-fuck-was-he-thinking-templates of your hopefully slowly-dying ex-coworker...

Ex-Machina just blew my mind!!! Anybody interested in AI please give it a watch. It's just awesome. 😁

My ex-Physics teacher didn't have a towel with him today 😢

Btw I left this on the library "core" computer

facebook friend suggestion: my boyfriend's ex

preface context: I was recently asked to make a website for an event I participated in before

client: okay I heard you can make a website for our event? that’s great!
me (dev): yeah, do you have any requests or expectations for me?
.
client: not really, but I was a developer before and I can code a bit so I’m wondering in what language would you code or develop our website in?
me: oh I would be using JavaScript, specifically nodeJS
.
client: oh really? i’m not really familiar with that language, so is it okay if you code it in a language I understand and used before?
me: sure, what is it?
.
(lol I wonder if you can guess already what it is at this point)
client: HTML
me: ... (*uh oh* html isn’t a markup language *sigh*) :——)

Not adding spaces in for statements.

ex) bad practice
for (i=0;i<10:i++)
{
//some code
}

ex) good practice
for (i = 0; i < 10; i++)
{
//some code
}

BLESS YOU
- @Root, for everything
- @SortOfTested, for “grass is greener / grass is alive” and everything, too
- @Floydimus, for being so nice to me
- @theabbie, for not cracking under pressure. I admire you and you’re an example to me
- Anonymous members I chatted with over Telegram, for valuable lessons and helping me cope

FUCK YOU
- girl who raped me
- ex who gaslighted me when I was weak
- sadistic psychiatrist who knowingly prescribed wrongful pills
- ex who abused me when I was on a devastating wrongful therapy
- boss guy who touched me without my consent
- each and every cop and military guy I’ve ever talked to, except WWII veterans
- whatever filled my life with nothing but guilt

The co-worker in my office that gets nudes from his ex girlfriend via web messenger.
(To be clear the distraction is not the co-worker 😂)

Last I started my new job, and I got 2 new laptops (one from my job, amd a separate from the client, as I'll be there full time for at least a year). The work one was pricy af imo (P50, ~2500$ ex. VAT), then I got the client one... wtf is wrong with these people, the laptop cost fucking 6000$ (again, ex. VAT).

Now on the personal side I'm cheap as fuck, and the current laptop I use is one that was meant to be scrapped at my old job that I took home to fix. While it's fun getting those laptops, my brain cannot stop thinking "why the fuck do I need 64 gb ram, 2tb storage and 500gb NVME ssd to basically write text?"

Best: Created my own company and have had 8 clients in 2017. Devrant has allowed me to find a community of fellow geeks. I've used github way more in 2017 than any past year.

Worst: Have had at least 2 ex-clients but I've lived and learned from them. I go on Devrant way more than I should.

My ex-cat stretching out. This should be in a vanity fair issue for cats

An ex-colleague got accused stealing company property (soda) that he bought with his own money.

He had put his own soda near the other soda of the company (a different brand they never bought). He went home one day and took 1 bottle with him. During that time period, the company offered free drinks (non-alcoholic of course).

WHY WERE THEY EVEN WATCHING THE CAMERAS

My most memorable co-worker? Have quite a few memorable positive and negative ones.

One of the positives was an ex-Marine (only a few months back from Iraq) 'Erin' who 'butt-ed heads' with an ex-Navy "vet" 'Tom' who was also our source control nazi (I've ranted about him before). "Vet" is in quotes because HR decided to research Tom's 'service' (what ship did he served on, etc) for an upcoming salute to veterans. They found out 'Tom' hurt his knee in basic training and had to be discharged.
Tom enjoyed talking his military "service" until HR spilled the beans (another story behind that, I'll share if interested), and when Erin found out Tom never stood foot outside basic training as a soldier, the alpha-male shit hit the fan.
The F-bombs were as plentiful as leaves in the fall.

This is response I got from my ex tech lead in a company that I left six months ago..

Btw account is registered on my private email and has admin access to Slack full of confidential files.

Don't even know why I worked there..

Syntax for my proposed "unsure" programming language.

Variable declaration:

let's just say that <variable name> = <value>

Function declaration:

hypothetically, we could <function name> (<args>){}

Try/ catch:

it's possible that
{

}
...or not (<ex>)
{

}

Little brother: "Since you're an SE I have a really important question that requires your skills.
Me: Okay what's up? (getting excited for potential project)
Little brother: Can you hack my ex girlfriends Facebook?
Me: *face palm*

When my most hated ex tried to contact me in LinkedIn, since he works as a recruiter for some lame, generic HR company.
I was trying to tell myself so hard this relationship never happened, and that it was a bad dream that lasted 3 years. Oh well.

so my co-worker uses emojis in comments
ex:
// i don't know what's this i just copied it from stackoverflow and it works 😂

An asshole ex-client who owes me in excess of $1000, and doesn't intend to pay, has left me on their Twilio administration (unknowingly clearly) panel. I have the option of requesting around 30+ Cayman Islands numbers to auto charge his card enough to offset the debt.

Hmmmm.

Actual production code:
try{
[code]
try{
[code]
}catch(Exception ex){
[code]
}
}catch(Exception ex){
[code]
}
Double blasphemy!

Sadly none. FML.

// I do have ex-employees though but I doubt they consider me as friend

I had a few girlfriends in the past and now am married for 4 years and can't remember any gfs before the married life. Ever had a pre-identity crisis?

My mind: "WHO THE F&*! WAS I? WHAT DID I DO? ITS LIKE TOTAL RECON AND AMNESIA ALTOGETHER!!"

Damn true.

am i the only one who see tech abbreviations on european car plates ? (ex : 3817 FTP)

Me: so where do I change this variable?
Ex-developer: I have no idea
Me: okayyyyy... So where did you get this codebase?
Ex-developer: I created it
Me: and you don't know how to change this variable?
Ex-developer: honestly mate, I was pretty high at the time
Me: *hangs up phone*

when you hang out with your ex-colleagues for a "normal" supper... and it turns suddenly in "the last"

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, to @dfox, @trogus: Thanks for creating a social media Web site which is actually tolerable, possibly even good. To the other users of this Web site: Thanks for not fucking up this actually-tolerable social media Web site.
Keep up the good work.

On a different note, _Deus Ex_ is by far my favourite video game. However, OpenBSD, which is my favourite operating system, does not support playing _Deus Ex_; as such, I was forced to improvise.
I own a few servers which run Ubuntu Linux, which can run VirtualBox, which can run Microsoft Windows XP, which can play _Deus Ex_. As such, I relocated my copy of Windows XP and spun up a new virtual machine, installing the operating system and the video game. After some minor hiccups, _Deus Ex_ was played without any difficulties, aside from the lack of audio, which resulted from having used VNC to access the virtual machine.
This set-up is janky, for I access the game by connecting via VNC to an Ubuntu installation which runs a virtual installation of Microsoft Windows... which runs _Deus Ex_ in windowed mode; however, I find that using this janky set-up is preferable to not being able to play _Deus Ex_.

On an even _more_ different note, future rants may be written in the third person; possibly as a result of having written briefings and whatnot in the third person for nearly two (2) decades and disliking pronouns, I dislike writing in the first person. I shall still be the author of the rants which are posted to this account.

Man, I'm sure there are a million of these posts right now but...

The hiring market and hiring culture nowadays is so damn frustrating. I have a decade of experience in multiple senior/lead/principal roles at both big name companies and high-growth startups, along with a very well-written resume.

Even with this, I can barely get an interview these days. I'll apply to a role that lists qualifications for which I'm an exact fit, and either get a quick auto-denial or just never hear back at all. It doesn't matter if I custom-craft my resume and cover letter to match the job description or just send my standard resume and cover letter. We all love those pandering and patronizing "We know that this isn't the news you wanted to hear, but keep trying! Maybe you'll be good enough for us someday!" auto-denial email.

Sometimes I'll receive a denial, look back at the job posting, that they needed somebody with NLP experience or something, and say to myself "Fair enough, that makes sense." Other times, I'll look at the posting and say "Oh come on, I check every single box." It makes you wonder "What the fuck are you actually truly looking for?"

Sometimes I'll look at the company's current employees and see that almost every single one is ex-FAANG, indicating that the company will almost only hire other ex-FAANG employees (despite there being thousands of other well-qualified candidates out there who are just as talented and skilled as those ex-FAANG candidates.)

Other companies seem to be "brand shopping" for ex-FAANG employees after all the recent FAANG layoffs, hoping to land a bargain on an ex-Google engineer so they can brag that their product was built by the same people who built Google.

Then there's the question of even making it past the ATS and in front of an actual human's eyes. The hiring culture seems to be an ATS SEO game nowadays. God forbid that you didn't include the super secret magic keyword in your resume, else you'll automatically be filtered out and denied.

It's just incredibly frustrating and makes you wonder what kind of candidate you need to be to even get a first round interview nowadays. Do we all need to have a glowing personal recommendation from the ghost of Steve Jobs in order for a 50-person startup to even open our resumes?

Any comments?

My ex boss wants me to finish some stuff stuff for his company, which means month or two or more without getting paid, while my current job pays me 5 times more then my previous job.. No way I'll make my priority something that doesn't even give some money. Yes I'm young, yes I learned a lot in your company,but I am paying my bills, I have to eat something, and there is no fucking way I'm going to spend that much time in something that gives me nothing.

When you run into your ex/visit your parents that thought you were wasting your life.

Perfect error does not ex...

E486: Pattern not found: TODO

Ex-employer contacting me after 6 months asking for 2FA codes into their system which I handed over a week before leaving... Sorry guys (not really!)

My russian ex co-worker, who had cut his toenails during meetings in office. Wtaf!!!! Disgusting

App fails, Check logs...No error logged. Check source code and debug....
And then you see following piece of code....

try{
//Code to hit an API
}catch(Exception ex){
/*DO NOTHING. Not even log stack trace*/
}

Why is Typescript such a snarky fuck?

a: number = 2;

tYpE Is TrIviAlLy InFeRReD fRoM NuMbeR lItERaL

Shut the fuck up you barely turing complete piece of digital refuse. Why does it bother you so much if I leave the fucking type on for clarity? This is almost as bad as my ex.

Am I the only person who gets by just fine without creating algorithm schemes, big indepth projects plans and whatnot?

I'm just fine with a to-do list, ex:
- add self-adjusting window paddings so shit doesn't start flying out

When you have an issue with your ex

#10

After I did some work on this nightmare codebase, the client kept switching goals. He Changed the task a few times, so I always told him that he will have to pay for all changes.
After a time he requested another change, so I stated that he has to pay the first invoice I sent him first. He started bitching around, that I didn't complete the work yet and so on. I saw where this was going. He didn't wanted to pay me, so I cancelled the work for this bitch.

😤

Read my revenge in #11

Used to be the intern in the company I work at...
Finally became a Jr software dev, I get to select the next intern...

That was 3 months ago, he has started and I get to bug fix all his stuff...

He's a nice guy tho

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Praesent sed velit a lorem vehicula ultricies. Phasellus in dui fringilla, mattis felis quis, bibendum nulla. Nunc egestas elementum risus, eu vulputate nibh posuere ut. In eget fermentum metus. Aliquam in ex et purus posuere laoreet nec at urna. Vivamus neque augue, porta id risus id, maximus dictum ligula. Morbi semper tellus est, ut congue turpis fermentum eu. Etiam ornare nec tellus nec ornare. Quisque vestibulum, sem nec luctus imperdiet, nunc ex consectetur elit, in dapibus nisi quam eget ipsum. Curabitur enim tortor, blandit non nulla sit amet, suscipit maximus lorem. Aliquam erat volutpat. Vivamus bibendum sodales ornare.

Invent a startup:

"It's like <existing company> but for <target audience>"

ex: It's like Uber but for dogs.

"I need to 'hashtag include' stdio dot h, right?"

- my ex-roommate

This customer's dev is going to be the end of me. I had to explain to him why it doesn't make any sense to return a value after throwing an exception.

In a function that was supposed to insert a record amd return its id, in the error handling code:

catch(Exception ex) {
//logs the exception
throw ex;
return - 999; //this code will NEVER be reached, and why the f.... - 999?
}
The customer wants us to develop the project together, but he won't listen and always write whatever he wants. Some might be differences in taste. Like me preferring
if(condition) {
return a;
}
return b;

And him preferring :

Foo result = null;
if(condition) {
result = a;
} else {
result = b;
}
return result;

Ok, that I can accept. But things like the one I'm ranting about... I wont.

I'm starting to wonder what was he doing during his "9 years of coding experience"

!dev

I want to say to my cheating whore of an ex, you were never worth the time nor the effort. You are my only regret in life. There are actually way more pretty and nice and probably honest girls than you'll ever be!

That joy feeling when you are finally rewriting the backend and frontend with GraphQL instead using the fuckin old undocumented REST API who was written by fuckin amateur ex-coworker.

I wish I had been an “ex-Google tech lead” for a week - so that could tell everyone I was “ex Google” as if it were like being a Dr. or something.

(not)

So I just found an old branch, from an ex co-worker, with a whole bunch of unmerged docs. This effectively cuts my workload for today in half.

Today I'm going home early fuck yeesss

Also I will be sending that guy some well deserved couple of beers

"Why don't you look for a new job?"

I have a monthly coffee meetup with an ex colleague, where we rant about each others frustrations at work. Since she used to be part of my team she knows everybody and can relate to my stories and updates. In short: she was the kick in the boot I needed to start looking, and after the summer break I'll start a new job making 45% more.

Me and the CEO of my company are both in the same clan in clash of clan.

I've never worked for a cooler guy. And funny enough he is much much much better than me. He has been playing for like 4 years.

When I started writing this 2 weeks ago (yes I forgot about this) he was working with us, he resigned in the meantime.

I just did the same, Today.

So, I guess best ex-ceo for a probably best ex-employee.

😕😕😕😢😢😢😕😕😕

my workplace had the idea to create a shared calendar with the birthdays of all colleagues.

Now around 10 months later, this calendar is filled with the birthdays of ex-colleagues... Who thought that was a good idea lol

Some fucking users request for something irrelevant, that's just not the way it designed for

Today was my last day at my old job. At my last monthly review, the CEO actually said to me how things would be much better if I were making enough sales happen on the websites to justify my (very low) annual salary. I checked the numbers on my way out the door. In the past 8 months I definitely cleared that threshold and then some. I wonder if he would've given me the next 4 months off with pay. LOL

Today I don't have much of work. Should I :
1. Start reading about Machine Learning
2. Read and understand Rust( is it being used actively and does it have scope? )
3. Check out some new imnew-tryme.js framework.
4. Crib about my ex dating someone else.

Her: How do you make an app?
Me: Well, first you have to decide what language you want to use as the basis for coding it, or what system you want to start on ex: ios/Android
Her: What

This is easy. Irl fork and acquire commands to let me reposess the knowledge of my children.
Things i can do while playing games:
0: work
1: sleep
2: eat
3: sex
4: workout
5: travel the world
6: troll my ex
7: read every post on DevRant

The moment you find an ex-colleague used code comments to take someones mobile number, then accidentally committed it. It's been there over a year!

A client of your old company have a problem and sends and e-mail to your ex-boss on Friday at 3PM. Your ex-boss fw the mail to you at 11:55PM on Saturday night and calls you 3 times in the next 3 minutes. What should I do? Ignore him or tell him to go...? you know...

class Ex extends Slut {
Boy[] boyfriend;
Ex(){
boyfriend = new Boy[2];
boyfriend [0] = new Me();
try{
boyfriend [1] = new Boy();
} catch(HeFoundOut e) {
boyfriend [0] = null;
}
}

Heard its a norm from my ex-classname that its a norm be paid with equity instead of a fixed salary. whats ur take on this? please share. I for one cant imagine how i am suppose to survive without money.

My russian ex co-worker, who had to cut his toenails during meetings in office. Wtaf!!!!

Disgusting.

Man learning I’m not good at learning new languages, I get to the point where I have the basics of the language ex: Conditional statements, loops, functions, classes, structures, file manipulation, etc but idk what to do after that, is this where I start learning libraries cause I still get the feeling I’m not at that step yet.

Before you ask, yes I know I am heavily over thinking this

resigned from my current job, feeling good. fuck that shitty company.

My (ex) manager: "There's no point to MVC in web development."

try{
// some code
}catch(Exception ex){
MessageBox.Show(ex.Message);
}

even in Visual Studio

That feeling when you have 2 linux distros installed on your pc but you still didn't abondon windows totally yet, its like an awkward feeling toward your ex while you are enjoying your new life but you now deep down that there is now going back.

My ex boss , keep interrupting the project I was leading.. and half way through . He decided to make a huge db redesign just to disagree with me.
Simply I didn't go to office the next day and never since !

when you got used to coding PHP in uni then the first job you get uses Python.
PM got me like: you gotta unlearn your PHP in here and don't ever compare the past with the present.
just like in relationships... don't ever compare the present with your ex

At work this 4X Founder ex-FAANG fractional CTO TEDx {insert_puffery} was brought in to say "It's not about code, it's about solving problems." What he's really saying is it's time for me to rip a fart in the middle of his webinar footage.

Switched from notepad to notepad++ about 14 years ago. I use it for all languages and
never used anything else ever since.
Any ex-np++ users who switched to smt else lately and y?

I still love np++, just trying to keep an open mind😊

Getting cooped at home to a avoid COVID is annoying because it got me remembering my ex. I hate myself for shutting down a few days thinking of him. If only there is an "Empty trash" button for emotions. Finally I get better today. I resume studying for work and target to pass the certification. Strive to be better!

My ex-colleague from Sony wrote to me to consult about SLAM system for his side project. Bro...I'm reading papers for like 2 weeks and in no position to advise anyone 😂

My Ex-girlfriend father passed away yesterday...he was a gentlemen and very good and humble person I ever met. Hoping GOD has took him to heaven!! R.I.P

The company I used to work for, despite me not working there contacts me to get a verification code because the crappy developer they hired can't change a couple settings on the apple website and add themselves as a developer.

At the start of this all, a couple months back I gave them the code out of courtesy, but at this point, as i'm heavily invested in the development stage of my actual job as a vr developer, I won't take time out of my day to even answer the phone for them.

But what really pisses me off is the person who contacts me, my assumbly best friend, who during the last 12 months has only called me for these codes, so work related shit or just personal shit and never to hang out or play games or generally what we used to do as friends before he got a job at that stupid company doesn't have the balls to tell his boss that i'm busy with my job, that maybe if payment was offered as an incentive that I would be happy to be contacted.

When I left that company I didn't setup anything to make it so they would have to contact me, all I did was add myself as a developer of their app. I also heavily documented everything I did, all the issues I faced and the workarounds I found, and everything including all login information needed to get things working, I went above just "developing" the app I added in all the credits to all work used in the app as partly to make sure we don't get sued for stealing someones work without the right credit.

I hate the fact that I worked for minimum wage and did all of this shit, but I never complained at all about things like the 1 1/2 hour travel time (one way I might add) to my boss, the amount of money I spent on public transportation, the little money left over that I didn't even spend and instead give to my parents.

They know nothing about how hard that year was for me, and if they want to get this code, my so called friend can come chat in person, in his off time and when I'm done working on my own shit and we can discuss terms because this shit is just not fair at all.

Learning C and just wrote a function to reverse chars in a char array (ex. "Hello" -> "olleH") but the array did not change.

It took me way to long to realize: I forgot to divide the length variable by two. So it reversed the array back everytime...

!!rant

I just hate job ads which have a pseudo-language (Java or C for ex) code snippet inviting you for an interview.

Oh my God they are so fucking LAME. I actually pass on these job offers.

I hate it when people use like 7 "if" statements instead of like.. 2? And when they do not nest "if"s.
For ex. :
if(condition1 && condition2){
}
if(condition1 && condition3){
}
.....

" But I am writing it out longer to understand better! "

Yet it eventually stays that way with like 50 lines of "if"s..

Build my own company (Already in-progress), and do something I enjoy for a living instead of working for others while hopefully having some passive income (Ex. Apps, plugins, etc) to allow me to enjoy life to the extent

When you're hired to write a basic FTP guide for a mooc and the 13 year olds you get to test it without help manage fine but the 38 year old 'ex developer' asks faaar too many questions to try understand it

My ex-boss used to BELIEVE that being registered to a service makes a partner with the service provider.

So if I were a devRant supporter, I am a devRant partner.

So in English class we are watching Ex Machina.
In a nutshell it's about a boi qho created an AI using HTML.

I am missing my ex girlfriend like a missing ; at a statement.

Some really helpful comments from the previous dev!

Our Ex-CEO didn't approve the budget for one of our projects. He is our Ex-CEO now.

Keyboard in my laptop died, mobo issue. Work gave me an ex-lease Dell E6430s. First thing I did was dual boot with Ubuntu 16.10 - can't believe how smooth it was. When I put Debian on my Lenovo G570 I had a ton of issues. I love Linux.

I no longer work with those !Ð↑Ωŧ$, but when ex-teammates told me that they have to escalate some issue to them and pasted the responses they got from that team..

Ooooh boy. I REALLY want to create new swear words.

Sysadmin and an ex-employee couldn't fix an issue with an application for many months even with vendor's instructions.
Today the job is passed to me and I follow instructions exactly and resolve the issue.
The other two guys must have thought 'we don't need someone else's documentation, we can fix it ourselves'

This is not the first time something like this has happened. I guess some things just need a fresh perspective.

I think the programmers diet is probably the most effective weight loss program I ever tried. Used to be ex-wife had to remind me to eat or else I forgot for days at a time. Now im single, coding and skinny.

Ex-colleague asked for help in regards to an old project we were working at my old job

Him:"We're experiencing an internal server error. What do we do?"
Me:"Restart tomcat, dude"
Him:"How?"

Then I explained how by finding tomcat in ps -ef in a Redhat server, because he's a Linux noob and needed a lesson in how services works. Proceeded to explain how to restart tomcat with an online guide available.

Him:"Couldn't find tomcat in any of the servers"
Me:"Are you sure? Send me screenshots"
Him: sent screenshots
Me:"it's there. Look carefully."
Him: finds it and proceeded to restart tomcat.
Him: "Can't restart. Some catalina.sh is stopping it."
Me:"Figure it out. You can do it".

Half a day passed...

Him:"I give up. If I restart the server, will tomcat also restart?"
Me:"Up to you man. It will work but it's bad practice."

He restarted the server vand now everything is honky dory. I feel sorry for him though.

All day long meeting with business consultant about company future, software architecture, technical debt, refactoring, resources, projects.

Conclusion from top consultant, ex country manager of a weeeell known tech company:
Who cares about "code" anyway? (disgusted smile)

One of our clients is a club near my town.
My ex loved to go there.
The club finally asked me to manage the access to the club through the CRM we made for them.

So I could literally let her in for free and none would notice. Now I might even make her pay extra, but who cares...

I just had a nightmare like I open the fridge and there is a cup with rotten slices of ham inside it and I look around and there is my ex with 8 hands telling me to E A T I T

and there is a feeling of complete helplessness and immense fear like I'm going to die right there. It's like suffocating in your sleep it's awful

If I were to change all my passwords into hashes (so take a random word and hash it, ex 'table') and then use those on various websites, would people ever guess that my password is _an actual hash_ rather than a password in hashed form if they were to see it? Would such a meta-hash be safer if 'hackers' were to find it unencrypted?

What are your favorite programming tools? ex. editors, ide, etc.

Atlassian bitbucket you sad sorry piece of shit. I can see an old coworker's PR in the list but you won't accept it as a valid search target under the author searchbox, but even older ex-employees are searchable. What the flying fuck, go out of business.

And fuck you for JIRA as well.

Worst part of coding lang I love?

C# being case-sensitive.

Not a C# language thing, but I hate the vilification and anti-coding standard of not 'allowing' prefixes. Interfaces are allowed (ex. IUpdateCustomer), why not classes? Why can't I have a DTO and declare it a TCustomer and the zealots not scream "HE'S USING HUNGARIAN NOTATION!!! TAKE HIM TO THE STAKE!!"?

JobRequirement : Fresher with 3 years of work ex

# Irony Fresher with work exp

hit "++" if you can realte :(

So my ex boss had sent me an SMS asking me how I am doing. It's been 3 days. I did not reply. I'm glad SMS do not have read receipts.

Pretty sure it will be a bad idea to reply.

Also, i can't remember last time anyone actually sent an SMS to me.

One of my colleagues is ex-military.

As much as I respect these guys for their service, I have never experienced so much stubborn insubordination in my entire career.

Anybody else deal with these types?

Started using typescript and other than the toxic wasteland that is NPM, I'm actually quite enjoying my time. Fuck javascript in the ass, typescript is like a nice dick pic to that ex who called to threaten your life for the third time that day. Different phone numbers every time too. Fuck JS.

!rant after over 2 years of fighting, I'm finally rid of my cheating-ex in finances today.
My House and life is finally my own again.

try {
work.focus()
} catch (ex) {
sleep(15)
} finally {
week.end()
}

var gotGud = false;

while(!gotGud)
{
try
{
makeCode();
gotGud = true;
}
catch(AbilityException ex) { }
}

Where do I get one?

Callback your functions, not your ex.
Hash is for your data, not you,
Query tables, not your loved ones.

I have some ex colleagues and friends now devs in Facebook, Amazon, or other major companies. No life, monothematic arguments, no hobbies, no time. I surely prefer my simpler life.

throwback to when i fell for this one girl and she stopped being my friend after i told her i felt things with her and she ran back to her toxic ex that she cries about to me. we called almost everynight and she would just talk about her and cry and all i would do is comfort and listen to her. wish i could go back and never talk to her again.

Once, our boss asked my colleague (Android developer)

- Does Whatsapp need internet to send/receive messages!

- why can't you send apks via SMS!

now he's our ex-boss

The relationship between me and JavaScript is as same as my toxic EX.
Sometimes I get emotional sometimes I just wanna beat the shit outta JS.

Transferred a lot of important files in between PC with a 32 GB thumbdrive. One time, when I needed it the most, it couldn't read. It had the original up-to-date information on everything. Backup files were old and found in either emails, in another PC somewhere else and on an ex-colleagues laptop that, due to poor office management, lost track of where that laptop is.

has anybody made the joke about 31th October and 25th December yet?

Well, my ex boss just ask me, why do developers always get confused with 31 oct and 25 dec?

when I figured out what the hell was she talking about, i laughed and cried.

31oct == 25Dec

As an ex-manager I now realize standups are used for control.

1. It sets a time when everyone must be present (might as well read-out names like it's school)

2. You, the manager, get to have people giving "offerings" of their work for you to approve, deny or bless with your gracious interest ("can you please stay on the call? lets discuss further")

Caution: only half RANT
I AM FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING MEDIOCORE THINKING OF MY COWORKER WHO WILL BE SOON MY EX COWORKER. AND WHEM HE WILL BE , I WILL DRAFT MY CURRENT ANGER IN SOME SOPHASTICATED WORDS NOT ONLY FOR DEVRANT BUT ALSO FOR MEDIUM AND TUMBLR
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS SHORTSIGHTEDNESS

Name a class with your ex girlfriend's name. whenever there is an error it's all her fault

Client and ex-Dev/manager wanted automated testing.... manager doesn't see a reason for interfaces... Still wants unit tests, and a SOLID design. Doesn't want to pay for the extra time needed. Good times

The only good thing about PHP is that the argument to catch blocks is called $ex which entertains my childish mind.

Is it worth it to make a UI in c? (console application)

Note: That is our school assgignment due next month,
make an interactive app using databases in c that runs in console
ex) theater seat reservation system

I tried once to convince an ex-python dev not to write 100 lines long shitty indented functions and seperate that stuff but no it works just fine why should I or anyone else be able to read it.

!rant

What are the chances of working as a freelancer using these freelancing web pages and making enough money to cover my expenses (ex: 800$/month).

I am a web developer.

I work on a small dev team. A team member recently left. My boss is lenient about committing our repos. ex co worker didn't commit his code and instead just left his code on a zip drive. Today I had to resolve nine months of conflicts and basically throw out all the work this guy had done.

Taught me just because something looks right it doesn't mean it is right. Ex: memory leaks, connection strings, 32 length passwords, and good looking women. Oh wait that last one could be a rant by itself cause you can't find a good looking woman that isn't crazy and won't wake you up if you do manage to get to bed

Doing another FE assignment these days. In this one they have some clear requirements and some not so clear ones ex. "make the existing code better". And it's for a team lead position so I have to pretend I know what I'm doing instead of just implementing the feature they want.